Let us talk about what real strength is. Being strong is not being part of the group currently in power. Being strong is not being the loudest or having your opinion be accepted by the most people. No that is not being strong. That is actually rather easy. It is easy to repeat the talking points of the the group, be that political religious or any other nature. What takes strength is being able to speak truth, kindness and compassion.
If you really want to be strong, remain calm and kind when faced with opposition. When you see those you disagree with spreading lies, to be able to remain steadfast in your kindness and commitment to truth, that takes strength. When someone attacks you personally, can you have the strength to resist the urge to retaliate? Retaliation is not strength. It is weakness. It is giving into base emotions such as hurt and anger. It will not improve your life or the situation. Often, it makes the point of the opposition look valid.
Next time you are tempted to say something that speaks division and hatred, ask yourself, “Am I not strong enough to rise above this?” Be a person of value. Be someone who speaks of growth and becoming the best version of themselves and not what is wrong with your neighbor. Be the best example to all of those who are watching you. That is true strength.
I cannot say this enough, so apparently I will say it again today. If you are really searching for the secret to an amazing life, and if you are reading this site I can only assume you are, start with changing your focus to gratitude. Why do we focus on this one emotion so much here? Gratitude is so powerful that if you truly put it to use in your life, it will turn the life you have into the life you love. It will feel like magic. Why? Because life really is magical. We have just become blind to it. It is like walking over a diamond in the sidewalk on the way to work everyday. Actually, it is better than that. Having an attitude of gratitude is more valuable than a diamond.
Have you ever noticed how your thoughts affect your mood? Your mood, after all, is your life. If you are angry and pissed off, your world will be angry and pissed off. If you are someone who is always looking for the beauty in what is around them, you will be someone who always sees the world as beautiful, even in the darkest of times. If you want to live a life that is amazing, you must start to look for and focus on what is amazing. To help this, try speaking about what is amazing. Speak of your blessings. Les Brown once said, “Nobody wants to hear your problems. 80% don’t care and 20% are glad it is you.” That is not to say don’t reach out if you need help, just that you focus on your blessings.
In life we all have struggles. We also all have blessings. Look around you. There is so much beauty and joy to be discovered it is inconceivable. Look at the face of someone you love. Think of how much they love you despite all of your quirks and flaws. Think of the beauty and kindness of all the souls you cross paths with. Every person blesses the world in ways we may never understand. Begin by sharing one thing you are grateful for every day with others. See how much this transforms your life. Imagine how you make others feel when you enter a room with the phrase, “Do you know what I am so grateful for today?” It may encourage others to acknowledge all of the blessings in their life as well.
How easy is it to get sucked into the divisive and hate fueled ways of the world today? Sadly, far too easy. What we should focus on is our legacy. What will the world remember about us? Will we be part of a group that rallied against another, or will we be a person who shows others kindness, compassion and understanding? That is the choice we have to make. Not only daily, but often hourly in this crazy world. We may slip, but it is important to keep working our hardest to be a ray of light in a world that can often be far too dark.
We daily have a choices. Will we be a person who sows division or unity? Will will feed communal anger or strive for individual joy? Understand the former may get you accolades from those around you at the time. Choosing to go against the grain and be a light can not only prevent you from the cheers of those seeking to divide the world, but can leave you feeling ostracized and cast out. Relish the fact. Use that solitude to think of the legacy you will leave behind. If you have brightened the life of just one person, you have done more than all of those pushing the narrative of ‘us against them’. It may leave you lonely. It may leave you feeling left out. It may not always be easy, but it will always be right.
I must confess to not being a fan of ‘fate’ or “It is what it is.” type thinking. Quite the contrary. I believe life is what you make of it. What happens then when we find ourselves in situations that are not only undesirable, but beyond our control? We have all been there. You are on your way to get a nice surprise for someone and another driver hits your car. You drive across town for a nice dinner only to find the restaurant closed. These things happen. What then?
My thinking is still the same. Life is what you make of it. When you find yourself in a situation that is undesirable, ask yourself, “What can I do while I am here?” I recall being one of the first people in the state to get Covid. That was scary. At the time they did not know a lot about it. I have some preexisting conditions such as asthma that could make it worse. Was I scared? Absolutely. Then I asked myself how I could use that situation to serve the greater good. Often, when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on serving others, great things happen. I decided to make a series of videos to chronical my journey. My hope was that it would take the fear away for many people.
The same happened when I had open-heart surgery two years later. My beautiful love of my life saw that I was rather scared of the whole event and wisely suggested, “Why don’t you write about it?” She even bought me a journal to record my thoughts and events involved. It was the first book I ever wrote by hand before publishing. You can read that fine piece of literary work, The Beat Goes On, by yours truly – Neil Panosian, on Amazon. Again, it was taking the focus off of myself and my problems and looking how it could all serve others and the greater good.
Next time you find yourself somewhere you would rather not be, or with someone you would rather not be with, ask yourself, “How can I use this?” The answer could be to develop some aspect of your character that needs work. If you can find a way to use the situation to serve others, that will be a big win! Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? How did you use it?
Have you ever heard that there are 3 sides to every story? Usually this consists of one side, the other side and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle. That is just one of the reasons you avoid gossipevery chance you get. In the picture above you will see another reason to avoid gossip. It is the like game ‘telephone’ you used to play as a child. One person says something and it is passed down from person to person. In what seems like an alarmingly short time, the story does not resemble at all what it first started out as. Gossiping the same way. Taking part in it and you may unknowingly fall victim to information that is quite far from the truth.
Here is another point to mention. Gossip, even if there is a great deal of truth to it, makes the person saying it look bad. When you are sharing bad things about others, especially in a public forum, you look bad. Most people look at someone speaking ill of others and think that they look shallow and vindictive. Even if what you are saying is 100% true, which is seldom the case, what good is there is sharing someone else’s faults with others? It is unlikely to help change what you view to be their faults. It is certain that it will not help the person spreading the gossip. There is one other important thing to consider when you are spreading gossip.
Spreading gossip makes you look untrustworthy. Even if that is the very gossip you are spreading about someone else. Hearing someone say, “Don’t trust her, she can’t be trusted.” People will notice it is coming from someone speaking ill of a person who is not present. How trustworthy is that? Not to mention, the thought that eventually creeps in everyone’s mind who hears gossip is, “If they are saying that about them, what do they say about me when I am not around?” Considering the times that we get upset with others, including those we care about, it is a legitimate question.
If you really feel the urge to gossip, there is a way in which you should do so. If you feel you must discuss people instead of ideas, there is a way in which you can satisfy that urge and maybe even help yourself in the process. That is gossip positively about someone. When was the last time you heard any gossip that was positive? Have you noticed that when people discuss others in their absence it is almost always negative? How do you feel walking away from one of those conversations? It usually brings your energy down and as we discussed earlier, makes you think less of the person doing the gossiping. Now, how would you feel if you were witness to some positive gossip? Never heard of such a thing? Just imagine how you might feel then? One, the person doing the gossip would feel a lot better than had they just been trashing someone. Secondly, those listening would have a much more favorable opinion of the gossiper. Lastly, they would not worry about what you are saying about them when you are not around.
Try this today. Spread some positive gossip. It may even feel weird at first. Run with it anyway. It will force you to think of positive aspects of those you know. This will also help increase your feelings of gratitude. Trust me when I tell you there is never enough gratitude in our lives. Watch other’s reactions when you do this. Watch their faces light up and notice how it will even make them feel good. Word of warning. Sometimes others will be so unused to this that they may try to turn the gossip negative. Do not let that happen. It is not that they are willfully being malicious, it is just that they are also used to gossip being negative. Change the narrative. Be the light in a world of darkness. Next time you hear someone gossiping, let them know you are not interested and walk away.
This is a phenomenon that young people may have a hard time grasping. How do I know that? When it was told to me when I was young, I recall thinking it was the stupidest thing. How can an hour be more than an hour? Now I am 50 and it feels like every time I sneeze it is next week! Something that Mr. Einstein called the ‘relativity of time’. An hour at the dentist seems a lot longer than an hour out with friends. How can that be? They are both 60 minutes long. Once I read a quote that summed this whole time thing up nicely. The quote was this – “How long 3 minutes is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.
Why does time seem to go faster as we age? The photo above gives us a great look into the answer. We tend to have less new experiences. We find things we like and tend to stick with them. Security becomes more important when we age. The ironic thing is that security can cause things to fail. Think of romantic relationships. Far too many marriages end up in divorce. Why is that? Why do two people who were so in love they spent thousands of dollars and invited many of their friends and family to commit to each other, then suddenly never want to see each other again? The reasons can be varied and complex, but one of the main ones is security. A relationship without change is one without growth. If a relationship seldom has anything new, it becomes boring. Then, when it becomes tough or a challenge arises, nobody wants to fight for what is boring.
This is not a post exclusively about marriage or even relationships in general. The relationship example we just mentioned works the same with our life. When our life becomes boring and predictable, what is the point of living it? There is a cliche that states, “Ships are safe in the harbor, but that is not what ships were built for.” People can be safe in their predictable life, but would it really be worth living? Try that new restaurant, take that new class and start that new hobby. Not only will it help you savor your life, but it keeps the mind sharp well into old-age. We only have one life. Let us make sure it is worth living.
Several years ago, Margie and I discovered a musician we both really enjoyed. Not only was his music fun to listen to, but his lyrics were both meaningful and positive. They encouraged social change, acceptance of everyone and loving those you are with. Ideals Margie and I also do our best to live up to. As he released albums we purchased them and listened to them on repeat. We went to saw him in concert a few hours away and even had the chance to meet him.
Fast forward to today. That artist is now standing accused of grooming a young musician he was on tour with among other things. Whether he is guilty or not is not for me to decide. The sad thing is that he admitted having an affair with this woman, claiming it was consensual. Whether it was or not, I am sure will be decided either in the courts, or the court of public opinion. What is sad, and by his own admission true, is that he had an ongoing affair with this woman while his wife and kids were supporting him at home.
This is not a point a finger and judge type post. What happened is between him, that woman and his wife. The creator has not put me in a position to judge others actions.The sad part of this for me is that his lyrics, that are so powerfully written fall flat listening to them now. Preaching about loving those you care about while having an affair seems rather hypocritical. It also gives the cynics and the people who want to convince the world how bad things are more ammunition. Where this man once stood as a beacon to prove that there is a human who is loving, accepting and a model of what is decent as a human being, now there stands a man who has given into pleasure over promise.
What happens next in this situation is certainly up to this musician. We all have flaws. None of us live in glass houses. The danger lies in projecting an image you are not true to yourself. Not only is it a disappointment for all who look up to you, but it is terribly self-destructive in the quite moments when we are alone with our conscious. Before you think that you are immune to this because you are not rich and famous, not so fast. Many people still look up to us. If you are a parent, you have your children. There are your friends and family. Your coworkers often rely on you for inspiration. Maybe the stranger that takes your order at the coffee shop admires your patience and compassion. It could be you that gives a server in a restaurant hope that not all people are demanding, entitled fools.
We all slip from time to time. I do you, you do and so did this musician. What is a real test of our character is what we do after we slip. Will we own up to our mistakes and use them to make us a stronger more resilient soul? Will we deflect blame and try to lie our way out of it? This man has sure lost a lot of respect from many people. His message seems a little harder to believe. What he does now can either further erode that reputation, or help to gain it back. The same is true when we do not live up to the standards we put out and hold ourselves to. It is my sincerest wish for not only this musician, but for all of us when we stumble, that in the grace given by others we will find the strength to rise once again and learn to be an even better version of ourselves.
Last post we discussed the ever approaching and uncertainty of death. Not a really chipper subject, but one that should give us a sense of urgency to enjoy life now. That is what I would like to discuss with you today. How many of us put off enjoyment? The ever present “I will be happy when ___” way of thinking. What if we never make it to when? Again, not a very cheery thought, but one that deserves consideration. We may never get a shot at this merry-go-round of life.
Here is a great example – vacation! When we are on vacation, like my lovely lady and I were in the picture above, we are sure to make the most of it. “We might never get back here again. Let us enjoy it.” We say to each other. The truth is that the same might be said of any moment of your life. Our favorite restaurant that has been there forever may close unexpectedly tomorrow. The beautiful park we enjoy walking through may be turned into condos any day now. Our friends may move away and our loved ones may pass away. All of these moments are possible and at some point will happen.
This is all beginning to sound a little doom and gloomy. The question all of this begs us to ask ourselves is, “How are you spending this minute?” Tony Robbins has a great line, “What is wrong is always available. So it what’s right.” What are you focused on? Are you focused on how much of a hurry you are in and how inconvenient the long line at the grocery store is? You could be focused on how grateful you are that you do not have to hunt for your food or farm for it. Not only would that take a great deal longer, but success is not guaranteed. Either path is certainly justified and understandable. The fact remains one of them leads to a more enjoyable life. We should work to enjoy as many moments in life as we can. We might as well. We will never get them back again.
We all know people who are angry most of the time. Why? Do they know how good they have it? Yes, I am sure their lives could be better. Yes, we all have legitimate challenges and reasons to be disenfranchised. Still, we all have reasons to be grateful and full of joy and love. All we have to do is look around us and see those that are less fortunate and could use our help. Oh wait, we are getting into tomorrow’s post again,
It is Friday and the last thing most of us want to hear about is any type of work to be done. That is understandable. In this quote, however, lies the key to any kind of progress we wish to make. Many of us seek the mystical path. We are looking for the latest life hacks. We read all of the metaphysical books and do all of the meditations. There is nothing wrong with any of that. I do many of those things myself.
Here is the truth about how to make progress in any endeavor. I warn you, it is not sexy or exciting. There are no complicated formulas to master or spells to cast. You do not have to wonder in the woods naked during a full moon. Consequently, you will not have to apply anti-itch medicine to your body the day after the full moon, but I digress. The secret is that progress comes from daily, consistent action. Common sense huh? It may be, yet how many of us search for a fad diet instead of eating healthy daily or taking daily physical exercise?
Before I lose you all together with the diet and exercise thing, let me assure you that it is ok to look for shortcuts or life hacks. Here is the caveat to that. Look for those shortcuts while you are putting in the daily effort. You may be shocked to find the level of improvement that can be mastered by daily action. Most people underestimate the change they can achieve by doing this. We are not talking about spending the entire day in the gym every day. We are not talking about living on brown rice and chicken breast. What we are saying is that you put in some effort, daily, towards your goal. Take this blog for example. Some days I write several posts. Like I am doing today. Some days I just share ones that I have written the day before. Some are devoted to marketing this site to new people and markets. There is daily effort towards putting out the best product. What goals are you working on that could be moved along with daily effort? Are you putting it in?
There is a very important lesson in this quote. That lesson is the need to be honest with yourself. If we fail to enact this first step, we will never succeed in our path to self-improvement. I am living proof. It was not until I became honest about who I was, and learned to accept it, that I could begin to improve on some of the areas I need to. That is why constructive criticism can be so helpful. Quite often, we simply do not know what we do not know. This is especially true about ourselves. It can be very difficult to hold up an honest mirror.
Accepting who we are is so important because it allows us to have a starting point. Think of a map. If you do not know where you are starting from, how do you know what path to take to get to where you want to go? Accepting yourself does not mean that you are satisfied, or not acknowledging that there are areas that need improvement. It means that you came to terms with who you are. You are no longer fighting against yourself. When we refuse to accept what we truly are, we are like that hamster in the the wheel. We can work as hard as we want, but we will not get anywhere.
Set aside some time for quiet reflection as to your true identity. If you are brave enough, seek help from a trusted and loving friend. Do not forget to show them compassion and understand that they are not hurting you by making you aware of some of your faults. Then, lovingly accept who you are. That is both the areas that are amazing as well as those that could use a little improvement. The sooner you do this, the quicker you can begin to improve yourself and your life.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 