Tag: self-improvement

YOUR 3 HOMES

We have discussed in the past that we can have multiple identities, but still be just one person. We have to be one person at work, another at the gym and yet another at home. Still, at the end of the day we are still us. The same can be true of where we live. We must also take a great care of all of the places we live. We are going to look at three of them and, as we do here at Secret2anamazinglife, we are going to give you a bonus location to think about as well. Let us get started.

Your Body. Let us start with this one. No matter where you are sleeping, in a mansion, in a loft in the city or even on the streets, you are sleeping in your body. When you walk or have to do something physical, you are in your body. We take many measures to make our homes the best it can be. We call in a plumber if our pipes are not flowing correctly. Do we do the same for our cardiovascular system? The body’s plumbing? If our power goes out it is a an emergency, but do we make sure to eat and hydrate enough to maintain our body’s energy level? Our body is the home we live in until the day we die. We cannot trade it in for another it would make a great deal of sense to treat it the best we can.

Our World. This one may seem a little too big to control. In some respects that is true. We cannot control what a farmer in the Congo does, or how the market is run in Iraq. Unless, of course, that is our job. Even in that case, there would be lots of other things we could not control. How can we take care of our world then? We can do our part. This may seem like a small thing to do but in reality it is everything. If we recycle in our household it may not stop the pollution of the oceans but what if every family just recycled in their own household? Even if have the families made that one simple step? How big of a difference would that be? You want to live in a cleaner world? Pick up one piece of litter a day. Doesn’t seem like it would do a lot, but that is 365 pieces of garbage a year. If you and your spouse did that it would be 730 pieces of trash. That still may seem like a small amount when you look at the streets about you, but try dumping 730 pieces of garbage on your front lawn and you will see what a difference you are making. Can you imagine if half of the people in the city you live in picked up one piece of litter a day? You would live in the cleanest city ever. You never realize what a great change seemingly small actions make.

Our Mind. Much like the body, we are only afforded one mind in our lifetimes. Despite how many people you feel could really benefit from a lobotomy, they are just not that common. When our minds start to fail us, it is not only hard on us, but on those we love. Wouldn’t it make sense to take the best care of our minds that we can? I am not just talking about learning and keeping them sharp, although that is a big part. When it comes to our mind, rest and fun are just as important. Mixing knowledge with humor is one of the best ways I can think of doing this. I spend hours a day learning and researching, but then Margie and I share jokes with each other and watch a funny movie. Just like any machine, if you push a mind too hard it can burn out. Just like a well-running machine, you need the right fuel as well. If your diet consists of snickers and Mountain Dew or beer and cigarettes exclusively, you will certainly not be operating at your best mental capacity. A healthy nutritional diet with a good amount of physical exercise will help keep us mentally sharp as well.

We have many more homes than the house we live in and it is important we take care of all of them. As I promised here is a bonus location to ponder. We also live in the hearts of others. Think of how you leave people after you have spent time with them. It is important to take care of our homes in the hearts of others. Tell people they are loved and appreciated. Show them love, respect and genuine interest. If we take care of all of our homes, we will feel right at home no matter where we happen to be.

HOW WE SHOULD LIVE AND WORK

When asked how he continued to work well into his 90s, this quote was the answer that George Burns gave. “Fall in love with what you do for a living. I don’t care what it is. It works.” I came across this quote as I was at work, ironically. I began to think how the vast majority of us, 87% according to surveys, dislike what they do for a living. Several years ago I took this test that was supposed to reveal what it is you should do for a living. There were around 300 questions or so that were to reveal the inner you. Results showed that I was supposed to be a woman of the religious order. I double checked and ‘male’ was checked in the gender box. I do not think it is likely I would succeed as a nun. I wondered how the people I work with not only felt about the job they were doing, but what they would do if given the chance. I decided to ask several of my coworkers that very question, “If money were not a factor and you could do any job you wanted, what would it be?” Their answers not only surprised me, they taught me a very important lesson.

The answers were not at all what I expected. Some people stared at me blankly. Others replied with the standard “I don’t know” Those who took the time to really contemplate the question came up with answers I didn’t expect. You might think everyone wanted to be a famous actor or rock star. In this age of celebrity, you might even think people just wanted to be famous. Not the case at all. Some of the answers I heard were chef, sculptor, and even meteorologist. Personally, my dream job would be a talk show host. Two of my favorite things are drinking coffee and talking to people. As you can see not only were the answers varied, but they also were jobs that others might not find enjoyable.

Here is the conclusion that these answers gave me. People really just want to be happy. It isn’t about the fame or fortune for most of us. We all have different reasons, but we all just want to do something that makes us happy. What I thought was really interesting is that everyone wanted to do something different. If we did all do what it is we loved, we would live in a world that was a much better place. Going to work every day doing something you loved would put you in a great emotional place. As these answers showed me, jobs would be filled, just by people who really had a passion for them. I would encourage each of these people to begin to look at how they may be able to do a version of what they like on the side at the very least. Sculpt something at home, read books and study weather or, in my case, I am going to look at starting a podcast, which is kind of the modern version of a talk show. I would love to hear your answer to this question – If money were not a concern and you could do any job you wanted, what would it be?

THE SECOND COMING

My very first book signing

This picture was taken in July of 2013. I just learned that thanks to my beautiful Margie. (She is the breath-taking lady in the photo) It was the day of my very first book signing. That day I had absolutely no idea of what I was doing. Today, July 15th of 2021, will be the book signing for my second book. This time…well I still have no idea what I am doing. What I do know is that it will be a fun event and the lady that I love will once again be right by my side. I am expecting a lot more readers will show up and I will be blessed to share my books with even more wonderful souls.

I am certainly going to share with you how everything turns out, but there is one thing I wanted to mention. I find it interesting how important moments like this serve not only as an opportunity to celebrate, but to reflect as well. Sometimes we need to look back if only to see how far we have come. This book signing was done outside a local coffee shop in the village I used to work in. It was outside and could have been wiped out by some bad weather. Didn’t think of that I suppose. Book signing 2 will be inside of a local brewery and will be immune to the weather.

When I look back, what impresses me most is not that I figured out an inside book signing might be a good idea since books don’t do well in the rain, but all the other things that have changed. When I think about that day of my first book signing, it seems like a completely different lifetime. Not only has the world changed a great deal since then, but more importantly, so have I. Using a lot of the tools I shared with all of you in my first book A Happy Life for Busy People, I transformed my life and myself into something I can be a lot more proud of. I hope to be able to say the same thing in my blog post for my third book signing. My second book, Living the Dream, has so much more information including everything I have learned in the 8 years since my first book.

Although I am finding it great to reflect on all that I have learned and how much I have grown, it also serves as a great motivation to realize there is so much more that I know I don’t know. Read that again slowly, I promise it will make sense. When we reflect on the accomplishments we made and the personal growth we have achieved up to this point in our lives, we should be proud. After taking a moment to celebrate all of our hard work, let us realize if we want to be able to have that same feeling in the future we need to work at least as hard in the present as we did in the past, often harder. Let us use the great feelings we have, and deserve to have, to drive us to continue our journey of growth and personal development.

If you happen to be in the neighborhood this evening, Thursday July 15th from 6 to 8 pm, I invite you to join us at the Westallion Brewery for the release of a great book and the exchange of some great ideas. If not, you can still purchase your copy of either of my books from the link below. Stop back to this blog to hear all about how this book launch went.

Both titles available on Amazon



CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY OF BOTH OF MY LIFE-CHANGING BOOKS

WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE, DIG DEEPER

I find this picture to be very true

In today’s instant gratification culture, fewer and fewer people take the time to read a book. As an author, this is not only deeply economically troubling, but emotionally as well. “I will wait until the movie comes out.” is a phrase that is heard more and more often. I can certainly appreciate that there are times when we want to experience a bout of entertainment from beginning to end and do not have the time for an entire book. Reading, however, allows us to exercise our minds in ways that watching a film never could. It is the difference between an active involvement and a passive involvement. Using our imagination to picture the story as we read the pages creates a depth (see picture above) that we simply don’t get from watching a movie. I am sure this can take things to a whole different level. I’m thinking Fifty Shades of Grey could have provided some interesting exercises in imagination.

As the old cliché goes, art often imitates life, or is it the other way around? Never was too sure about that one. The point is when it comes to life, especially in this social media driven world, this holds true. We often see people’s profiles online and think we really know everything there is to know about them. In reality, we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg. It is like watching a highlight reel of an athlete. You would think they never make mistakes. As human beings, we always have the urge to hide our faults, or more to the point, accent our strengths. We also have a tendency to judge based on the thought that we have all of the information. We never know what is happening behind the scene.

This week, I encourage you to take a deeper look and get to know those around you on a deeper level. Also, if you are brave enough, share a little more about yourself. Not just your highlight reel. Be vulnerable. Show the world the pain you struggle with everyday. Help the world get to know you. Just like reading a book will open up a whole other world that watching a movie never will, getting to know people on a deeper level will do the same for your relationships.

NOW IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE

My favorite quote

Above is my favorite quote. It is a guiding principle that I use when I am sharing in the field of self-improvement. When I first set out on this journey, I had little to no idea what I was doing. After over 2 decades of learning and sharing I realized this quote is still one of the most powerful. At seminars I hold, book signings, or even just in personal interaction, people often inquire as to what they can do to change the world. They come with many different motives. Some people have a great deal of hope and ambition. Others, come from a place of frustration. They see the division and hate on television and in the media and really want to do something to make a difference.

My advice to all of these people is the same – focus on changing your corner of the world. This can confuse some and further frustrate many. After all, they want to make a BIG change. I understand that thinking. Daily, I write these blogs and books to help facilitate change throughout the world. The best way to do this is to focus on what we really can change. Like the quote above, be the change you are wanting to see. You wish for a world filled with more love and less hate? Then be a more loving individual. You would be surprised at the effect that can have on others and how quickly it spreads. You wish more people would volunteer to help worthwhile causes? dedicate some of your spare time to doing the same. This may seem like you are making an insignificant difference, but stop and consider this bit of thinking. What if everyone in your city did the same thing? Focused only on doing what they can in their own lives. I live in a town of roughly 60,000 people. Imagine that many people working toward a positive change? Even half of those people, just trying to bring joy and love to those in their circle.

this is not actually Heather

Proof that you attract the people you need in your life, I would like to share an adventure that happened to Margie and I just the other day. We decided to go out for lunch at a local spot we both enjoy. We asked to be seated in a section that had a fun server. We were greeted by Heather, a very pleasant young lady that confessed to being a bit new. As she took our order the conversation turned to the weather outside. It was a particularly cool July afternoon. Weather a lot of folks would enjoy being out in. There was Mention of the vast number of positions and places that were hiring and how we wished there could be a way to connect them to all of the people standing on the corners with signs looking for work. After a contemplative pause, Heather said, “I would stand on a corner with a sign.” Margie and I looked at her with curiosity. She continued, “Yes, I would have a sign asking for change, but not monetary change, social change!” It was then that I knew the three of us would become good friends.

Heather brought up a very good point. Encouraging others for change of a social nature is another great way to improve our corner of the world. I am speaking of asking for change in an encouraging thoughtful manner. Asking your friends to help you with a cause your are volunteering for. Inviting everyone to send a thank you card to one of their friends. Asking strangers to share a smile with someone they don’t know. The best way to encourage this change and make it most likely others will join you? That is to be the change you wish to see in the world!

I know it can be tempting to look for the biggest way in which you can make a change. Just remember often the most powerful way to make a change is to change your own corner of the world. That could include holding a sign asking for positive social change, volunteering for a worthwhile cause, or just sharing a smile with a stranger. Margie and I are thankful to Heather for the great reminder of this important point. We look forward to many good conversations with her in the future!

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO PLAN A PARTY!

Confession time. I am really terrible when it comes to planning and hosting events. First, I rather enjoy my peace and quiet time. Margie and I have very social and interactive jobs. We are always dealing with groups of people. I am also very low maintenance. For reasons of party planning, I guess that is not always a good thing. That is another reason that Margie and I make such a great team. Let me give you an example. We are at the store and the love of my life is looking at dishes. “We have dishes.” I inform her. “We need a matching set of six.” She replies as if it is something I should know. In the confusion, I mention that at our house there are only 2 people, her and I. “What if we have company?” Still confused as to what the issue is I offer that if there are more than four people we could just use different plates or bowls. After all, they should be happy that we invited them over and they are getting delicious food. That is how I would feel I guess. By the shocked look of horror on the face of the woman I share my house with, I surmised that this was not the correct answer.

I never realized what goes into planning a party the right way. Margie showed me that. From cleaning, matching dishes, matching placemats (again, something I had no clue of) cleaning the house, finding what everyone likes to drink, decorations and a million other details that I can’t even remember. People go through a great deal of planning to throw the perfect party. Well, people other than me. If you look at the list in the picture above, you can see how much details and planning can go into a celebration. Planning over one month out? Sounds pretty crazy to me, but if you want an epic party that is what you have to do.

Why all the talk about planning a party? While my birthday is this month, I am not expecting any of my followers to throw me a birthday party. Unless of course you are reading this in the country of Fiji, I will stop by, we will have a great time. No, it is the subject of my upcoming third book, Life is a Party, Put Your Name on the Guest List. Does your life seem like a party? For most people it does not. Maybe it does on the weekends when we are not working. Maybe only 2 weeks a year when we are on vacation? What if our life could feel like a party as the general rule? Seem unlikely? I put forth life would be a lot more like a party if we planned it like one. Look at the list above. It is a lot smaller than our first example, but holds many clues as to how we could live our life more like a party. Let us take a look at just a few of them.

First up, guestlist. I find it how much time people will spend thinking of what people to invite to an event that may last a few hours or at most an entire day. Most of us, however, will not compose a guestlist of people we want in our life. If your life was a party, who would you invite? Ever have a party where there is someone who is a ‘Debby downer’ and brings down the entire party? Probably not a name that would be on top of the guestlist. What about people who are rude or insulting? Again, not the people who we would invite to a party, but somehow they show up in our lives!

How about decorations? Am I suggesting you fill your house with party decorations? Not exactly…but then again, kind of. Think of what the idea behind decorations at a party are? They are there to create an atmosphere. Either to go with a theme (Tiki party anyone?) or to just create a fun and festive atmosphere. What would make a good party to you? You may even just want a relaxing party of one. Maybe some nice spa colors and scents? Maybe a bath bomb or some bubble bath? Why not surround yourself with a fun and festive mood or even a theme you like? I have a friend who likes the ‘Day of the Dead’ decorations and has their house filled with things like that. Maybe you are a fan of a South Pacific look, or beach or lake. Whatever kind of party may work for you, try to include some decorations.

Food and Drinks. This is a good one. When people think of parties, they generally think of party food and alcohol. You can’t really spend every evening sitting at home having a personal party with a glass of rum in your hand, can you? When it comes to having a cocktail, pacing yourself is the idea. Nobody likes a drunk at a party, and you certainly do not want to be the drunk at your own party, but having a glass of wine or a nice coconut rum drink (or whatever you may like) while cranking up your favorite party soundtrack with some great friends can do a lot to fire up a Wednesday. Food is another interesting animal. If you want to feel like a you’re living life as a party, you don’t want to fill up on chips and dip or lay around feeling bloated. No, you want to dance, you want to laugh. Party food can be fun and fairly healthy. I am thinking some guacamole right now. Maybe a homemade taco night? Even trying new fun festive healthy foods can make it feel more like a party.

What other aspects of a party could you include in your life? What about a party soundtrack? Push play on that fun list on the way to work and you could spend the day thinking about Margaritaville or singing your favorite dance tracks before you notice the boss is in a bad mood again. If so, just don’t invite them to your personal party. How about dressing for a party? There are so many ways to approach this. You could dress like a formal party one day, a party at the club the next or just a fun party outfit the next! Think about how much the right outfit can change the way you feel about yourself. Life can be a party, we just have to plan for it!

SOME SOCIAL DISTANCING SHOULD CONTINUE

I am not a huge fan of the term “Social Distancing”. It is my belief that it should have been called physical distancing. During this pandemic, I think it was important to stay as social and connected as we could. communication and social interaction is very important part of keeping our emotional and mental health running smoothly. Video chatting with family, zoom meetings with not only work, but friends as well, texting, messaging and of course a good old-fashioned phone call are so important. It can provide both us and them a feeling of connection, love and support.

Now that, in some places, restrictions and rules are being lifted we are able to gather with each other once again. In some situations, we can shake hands and give each other a hug. Which not only makes us feel good physically, but has great effects mentally as well. Even being able to see a face not covered up with a mask is almost enough to send a heart soaring. This may sound like hyperbole, but after so long of not being able to see smiles on the faces we encounter every day, it is not far from truth.

If there was one plus to having to maintain distance from everyone, it is that we had to maintain distance from those who do not serve our best interest. Whether that is someone who is a gossip and says bad stuff behind our back, or just the Debbie downer type person who always has a black to our white, being away from them probably did us some real good. As we are adjusting our lives back to what is the new normal, we should seriously consider leaving these folks in the rear view mirror.

This may sound harsh or mean to some, but it is the exact opposite. Your peace of mind and inner joy is worth so much more than you realize. Take the time and effort to recreate your life to your standards. If there are pieces, or more to the point people, that to not add to your life, it may be time to let them go. This does not have to be done in the spirit of anger or malice, but of love for yourself. We are presented a unique opportunity in these challenging times. Now that we are slowly adding events and individuals back into our lives, we can do so with the thought of building a better life. I encourage you to put you and your happiness first when it comes to forming new connections as we move forward. You deserve to have the best life possible, do not settle for anything less.

DO YOU NEED A TIMEOUT?

Do you recall the idea of getting a time out from when you were a child? The version may differ slightly, but generally involves having a child sit on a chair in a corner when they misbehave. My first recollection of having a timeout happened in preschool (I am sure I have several before that, but my memory is hazy) The teacher had left the room for a few minutes and I decided to lead the entire class out of the school on a impromptu field trip to a local park I knew of. This was not done out of any reaction to authority or a desire to cause trouble. Those skills would come along later in my life. It was done because I genuinely wished to share my enjoyment of the park with my classmates. I can only imagine the feeling the teacher had returning the classroom to discover all of her students missing. I can further muse as to what her thoughts were as she saw us walking down the street outside her window. Whatever those thoughts may have been, the result for me was one thing – timeout.

To this day, I still do things that would put me in a timeout chair. Ask Margie and I am sure you would get a good sized list. The idea behind a timeout chair is twofold to my best estimation. First, it is to show the person there is consequence for their actions. “You must sit here while the rest of the kids get to play” kind of thing. I am not sure how affective that part might be. The other part of serving a timeout is to give you ‘time to think about what you done’. The prevailing thought would be that this young child would use this time facing the corner or whatever to think about why they did what they did, how it impacted others and what would have been a better solution. Most of the time I believe children spend thinking of how upset they are at their teachers or parents and pondering if dragons or unicorns really exist.

As an adult, nobody is going to ‘give you a timeout’. That may seem like a good thing until you really think about it. With nobody watching our behavior, things can go sideways in a hurry. We need to give ourselves timeouts on occasion. I think this would be a healthy idea. Yelled at your spouse instead of handling it in a healthy way? You get a timeout. Hit snooze on your alarm clock one too many times and were late for work? You get a timeout. Sacrificed your family to put in extra hours at work for a long period of time? You not only get a timeout, but might actually need one. Nobody is going to tell us we need a timeout as an adult, I would guess, but ourselves. Matthew McConaughey calls it our own personal Jiminy Cricket, referring to the insect that served as the conscious of the wooden boy in Pinocchio. We must serve as our own judge and jury. If we are honest with ourselves (something that make take a little time if we are out of practice) we know when we have done something that doesn’t live up to our standards. In other words, something that deserves a timeout.

We have done some blockheaded move that deserves a timeout. What then? Just like when we were children, we should find some out of the way place to sit and think about what we did, the effect it had on others and how we could have done it better. As you can tell by the pictures in this post, I have an idea where my timeout chair should be. That is the caveat here. It does not have to face the corner of a white wall, it doesn’t even have to be uncomfortable. It should just be a place free of distractions that allows us to be alone with our thoughts for a while. That could be a chair on the beach, a bench in a park or even sitting in our car in a parking lot while we figure things out. This is a good practice to share with others. It may very well help them in their own lives.

Time alone with our thoughts should not be viewed as a punishment. After viewing a ‘timeout’ through the lens of our childhood this may take some recalibration. It should be viewed as a chance to learn and grow. To turn a mistake into a lesson and a chance to do better the next time. Think about where your timeout spot could be. Perhaps give yourself several options to accommodate weather and other obstacles. I would love to hear about where you have decided your timeout spot should be and what you will do during your timeout to make it valuable to you.

DECIDE FOR YOURSELF

I hear many people discuss how they have decided to remove certain people out of their lives because they want to reduce the amount of negativity/drama/disrespect that these people bring. Good plan. I actually heard no less than 3 examples of this last night. What I find ironic is that this is usually followed up by how much they are concerned that these people are upset with them. This is just another part of the drama and disrespect. If you truly want peace in your life, you may have to deal with some folks not being happy about that. Rest assured they will find another soul to peddle their drama with. They are just upset at the prospect that their audience has decreased by the size of one. This is no longer your problem.

I love this quote because it is quite true. If you were to be asked directly, “What would you give up your peace of mind for?” the answer would be quite high or maybe even nothing at all. Yet, when done indirectly, we settle for some quite low sums. We give up our peace of mind so our coworkers will like us. We give up our peace of mind so we will not look foolish in front of others. We may not look at quite this way, but that is exactly what we are doing. When we engage in needless gossip at work or in a social setting just to fit in, we are giving up our inner peace. There is nothing that will destroy our inner peace like speaking ill of others. When we don’t speak up when we disagree with something that is happening or being said around us, we are giving up our inner peace just so others will not think us as different or rediculous.

Here is another way we negotiate our peace of mind for a price far lower than we should – we react to others. This is one I can be guilty of myself. If someone does something to upset you it can be hard to let that go. It might be bouncing around in your head for some time after. Those pressing thoughts like “Why on earth did they say/do that?” If asked, “Is it true that all someone has to do is say or act in a certain way and you will let them decide your emotional well-being?” Most of us would certainly respond that there is no way we will give them that kind of control over us. Still, isn’t that what we are doing when we let the actions of others upset us? Especially long after the event has occurred. It is a thought worth considering. Next time we find ourselves upset at the actions of others we should ask ourselves this very important question, “Am I negotiating my peace of mind at a price far lower than I deserve? Am I also giving this person’s words and actions control over my mental well-being?” Reframing it this way can change how much importance we place on the poor choices others make and how we let it affect us.

Next time you find yourself concerned that certain people may be exiting your life and taking their drama with them, realize this is the price they are paying for your peace of mind. Is having this person in your life worth the unnecessary drama they bring? All of our friends have problems and down times that we must support them through, but being someone who fills your life with at constant stream of negativity is something you do not need. If you find yourself being upset over the words and actions of these folks it is time to make a change. If they are owning to much space in your head or your heart raise the rent or evict them.

3 STEPS TO A HAPPIER LIFE

When it comes to the area of self-improvement, one of the things that prevents people, including myself, from using what they know is the complicated nature of it. To be honest, the easier and quicker something works, the more likely I am to implement it in my daily life. It was this thinking that drove the creation of my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. In it, I used tools that take only 2 to 5 minutes and can have dramatic change in your life. The reason I wrote that book was simple. I wanted to change my life, but every book I read usually contained a litany of changes that involved complex processes. With everything I do in my life, that wasn’t happening. Life is complicated enough, improving it shouldn’t be.

That is why I like the quote above. It gives us 3 criteria to measure things in life by. If what you are doing doesn’t fit these 3 areas, plus a bonus one I am going to give you at the end of this article, then it probably isn’t worth doing. Let’s take them one at a time starting with the first one – make your parents proud. I would say we could even substitute the word ‘parents’ for those who believe in you. When you think of your parents, or people who believe in you and support you, what comes to mind? To me, it is a feeling of gratitude. I am overwhelmed by people who often believe in me more than I do. This can go for your spouse too. When you are making life decisions, especially ones involving morals and character, it is important to think of those who count on you and stand with you. If something would cast you in a negative light, think of how it may affect these individuals. That will help keep you on the straight and narrow path.

To me, this is the least motivating of the 3 steps, but worth considering. I usually recommend not wasting time, energy or thoughts on those who speak or act against you. As with many things in life, this can be easier said than done. This is especially true if the offense comes from somebody you did not expect and can feel like a betrayal. Those really sting. In this case, as is the case if it comes from somebody you don’t like, becoming the best version of yourself is the best answer. I recall a quote from Frank Sinatra – “The best revenge is massive success.” How foolish does someone who speaks ill of you look when you are being the best version of yourself? This includes being kind and compassionate towards others as well as material and life success. Being a great human being does not make you immune from criticism, there are people who will criticize the best of us, but does certainly make those things said against you a lot less believable. Next time you hear or see someone being against you, say to yourself, “thank you for reminding me to be the best version of myself so what you are saying looks foolish.”

The last of the 3 steps listed is one of the most important – make yourself happy. People may view this as a selfish thing to be concerned about, but the opposite is really true. Think about how you treat others when you are happy? Are you more tolerant? How about more forgiving? When you are happy, do you tend to spread that cheer to others? Now, think about how you are to be around when you are unhappy or feeling miserable? Are you more easily upset? Do you tend to complain more? Who would you rather be around, someone who is happy or someone who is not? Being in a positive state has many benefits for you as well. It strengthens the immune system. It prevents things like high blood pressure and upset stomach that being upset can cause. When you are happy you are better able to handle stress and make decisions. You become a more creative problem solver. It helps reduce pain and adds years to your life.

If you still have a problem focusing on making yourself happy here is a thought to help. It does not have to be a you/them proposition. If fact, doing things that make you happy at the cost of other’s happiness will generally make you less happy in the long run. You may need to say ‘no’ to attending a social function and you may need to disappoint people at times for your own physical and mental well-being and that is ok. Quite often explaining that to someone can reveal what degree of friend they are to you. Doing something that will cause another person harm or pain, be it emotional or physical, for your own benefit will leave you feeling regret and guilt in the long run. Chances are it will also leave you with less friends, which in turn will leave you with a lot less happiness. Most of the time, however, keeping yourself happy will also keep your friends happy. When you take time and effort to make yourself happy, you can show up to be a better friend/lover/coworker for those in your life.

Bonus time! If you are looking for another question to ask yourself, try asking this one – Does it make the world a better place? Think of things like throwing your empty bottle in the recycle bin instead of the trash. Not only will that small step make a difference, but it will give you a little feeling of happiness. This isn’t limited to being a responsible consumer, but a responsible human being. Think of what a difference treating everyone with respect and kindness would make? Think of doing this with everyone one you come in contact with? How would the ripple effect of that change the world? Think of the effect if everyone you came in contact with did that? World changing.

I would suggest making sure most of what you do fits in one of these categories. Does it make your parents, and those who believe in you proud? Would it make your enemies jealous or look foolish for speaking ill of you? Would it make you a happier person so you could bring the best version of you to the world? Would what your doing make the world a better place? If so, do it! If not, find a way that it can fit one of these categories. As for myself, I am going to start thinking of activities that I can do more often that may fit several, if not all of these categories. These are 3 steps to living an amazing life.