As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
In life, it can be easy to confuse battles with wars. What exactly does this mean? Our goals are like a war to win. In the journey to achieve them, we must fight several battles. My goal of reaches and serving as many souls with my writing is one that has its ups and downs. My first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, was a great success. It has sold roughly 5000 copies and is owned by rockstars, movie stars and billionaires. Some have even sent me personal letters to thank me. My most recent book, The Beat Goes On, has not done nearly as well as I had hoped. Does that make me a failure as a writer? No, it just means that battle did not turn out as I had planned.
Just like in war, we can learn even more from our loses than from our successes. Many people think viewing their goals as a war to win seems a bit over the top. That viewing life as some sort of life or death struggle may be a bit too dramatic. I am here to tell you that life is a constant struggle for territory, as Les Brown likes to say. If you do not stay committed to living a positive rewarding life, those negative thoughts will start creeping in. If you do not stay dedicated to your health and fitness, those calories will start showing themselves in unflattering ways.
Even in these examples, there are wins and loses. You may lose your temper and snap at someone who does not deserve it. You may give in and have one of those doughnuts in the breakroom…or two. This does not mean you are a failure, or have lost the war. No, it simply means that you have lost a battle. Use that to motivate you. Use it to learn from. The more battles you win, the sooner you will win the war.
Here is something you may not be aware of – you have amazing power. This does not depend on your professional position. It does not depend on the amount of followers you have on social media. Yes, all of these are a form of power, but there are far more intense ways of having power. You have the power to affect and influence your spouse, your children, your parents, your coworkers and even the cashier at the grocery store. You have the power to impact other drivers as you make your way down the street.
You may be wondering how you have power over all of these people. Let me explain. Your spouse. This is an easy one. The people closest to us are the ones who can affect us the greatest. You can say something to make them feel loved and attractive. You can also ignore them or make them feel like they are not a priority. The choice is really up to you. Your children. You can pass on all of the lessons you learned in life. You could also say one thing while doing another. Children learn far more by example than by words. Even your parents. You can make them proud by your actions, or you can make them feel like they failed as parents when you end up in jail for some immoral behavior. How about coworkers? Have you ever noticed when someone is on edge in the office, almost everyone is? There are people who come into work and can bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Be the second person as often as you can. It will be better for everyone.
Even other motorists on the street. You can wave with one finger or the whole hand. That is up to you. It can impact someone’s entire day. In my neighborhood, I do my best to wave and give a smile to all of my neighbors. Even if I do not know them, it gives a feeling of community and hopefully a little pleasant feeling to their day. Cashiers at the grocery store, or anyone in retail, have their share of challenging customers to deal with. Being a pleasant and appreciative customer can not only make their day go by quicker, it can make them feel better about themselves and the world at large.
Does this seem like hyperbole? Think of when you have someone cut you offin traffic. Do you find yourself saying things like, “People are driving so crazy these days!” Suddenly, your view of the world’s drivers has taken a hit. Someone rude to you at work? Suddenly, customers are so demanding! Why can’t people have manners like they used to? Your opinion of the world is affected. It may not last very long, then again it might, but even for a moment, that person had the power to affect you. This is a power we all have. Are we using that power for good? Are we using our powers at all? Let us put our powers in action and let us use them for good as often as we can!
Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?
This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.
This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.
Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?
Anyone who knows me, knows I love coffee. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. My computer has 2 local coffee shops advertised on it. Coffee, like life is very customizable. If your coffee is too strong, you can add cream. Too bitter? Throw a sugar or honey in there. Too weak? Use more grounds. Too thick? Use less grounds. Coffee comes in a range of different quality as well. You can get a can of store brand coffee for less than ten dollars. My favorite coffee is Jamaican Blue Mountain. This, will cost you around fifty dollars a pound. Life is like that. We can be blessed with a Blue Mountain coffee kind of life. Maybe our parents are rich. We have our health and a great circle of friends. That life may seem to taste great. We may also be given a ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts’ life. In case you are not familiar, that is a coffee that can be found on the more economical end of the spectrum. It also happens to be really fun to say. In the case of life, this can be a life where we grow up in a single home. Maybe our family struggles to pay the bills? Maybe you grow up with some health challenges? This life can seem to taste bitter and not so good.
Why did I use the word ‘seem’ in my mentioning of how life tastes? Let us refer back to our coffee analogy to better understand. If I have some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, which should happen more often, it does not guarantee that I will have a great cup of coffee. What if I left that coffee sitting open on the counter for several weeks? What if I decided that since I liked it so much, I was going to double the amount of grounds that I was going to use? Maybe I made the coffee with distilled water? In these cases, the coffee would not taste great. Same with a Blue Mountain kind of life. How many kids, who seemed to have it all end up with a terrible life? You may have a lot of money and decide to indulge in recreational drug use. You may have your health, but throw it away by partying every weekend, or more. You may simply focus on the material aspect of life and live an unfulfilled existence.
Just as having some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee does not guarantee a great cup of coffee, Chuck Full o’Nuts does not mean you will have a terrible cup of coffee. If you use just the right amount of grounds, if you store them correctly, if you use some great spring water, the coffee will taste really good. Do you know what else makes the coffee taste good? Being grateful for the fact you have some coffee. I grew up in what may be described as a Chuck Full o’Nuts life. My parents were divorced. My mom was a single mom with 2 kids which meant we never really had a lot of money. I had bad allergies and asthma growing up. This meant I often had to avoid certain sports and social activities. Does that mean I now live a bitter and bad tasting life? Not at all!
Just like our coffee example, I could have continued to drink the bitter coffee, but I did my best to make it taste good. My life was a little bitter, so I added the sweetness of my beautiful Margie. The obstacles were a little too strong at times with the allergies and asthma. I added the ‘cream’ of eating healthier and taking charge of my health. Now, my ‘Chuck Full o’Nuts life’ tastes better than many Jamaican Blue Mountain lives. It is cliché, but life really is 10% what you are given and 90% what you do with it.
I like my coffee, and my life, delicious. Therefore, I take the time to make them that way. What about you?
I can’t help but really enjoy this quote. It reminds us that although we have made mistakes, we can still create a masterpiece. We may be broken in some, or even many, ways. This does not prevent us from creating a life that is a work of art. In fact, it just might help us do it even better! People who have broken, not only have an added aspect of credibility, they also have that real-life experience. They know what works. Not just in theory, but it real world application.
Would you rather get advice from someone who has read a book on a subject, or lived it? That is why I make a point to try out all of the suggestions we share here at Secret2anamazinglife. Often, what sounds good on paper, does not work in the real world. Remember, when you are feeling broken, that may very well be where your true beauty comes from!
This is a rather silly Wednesday reminder, but a necessary one. In life, we often have plenty of reasons not to smile. We need a few that will allow us to do so. We also need to remind ourselves how absolutely awesome we are. It is a job far too important to be left entirely up to others. I thought the quote above was a good one to start with. I encourage all of us to print it out, write it on a card, put it as the screensaver on our phone or some other way in which we will see it several times a day.
Go ahead and read it to yourself right now. If you are in a public place, feel free to read it under your breath, but still read it. How do you feel? Does a quirky little grin play across your face? Maybe a little laughter bubbles up inside your soul? Don’t we all deserve that feeling, and this reminder every day? It doesn’t have to be this exact quote. In fact, I would love to see some of your favorites. Post a great Wednesday reminder you like to share with yourself in the comments below!
Today’s post may seem like a no brainer and it really is. If you want your life to change, you will have to make some changes. If you want your life to get better, you are going to have to get better. I believe Jim Rohn said something like that quite often. What are these changes that we must make? More to the point, how can way maintain the discipline to continue to make them even when the motivation to do so has long faded away? The answer to both is to think backwards. What I mean by that is to get crystal clear on the result you are after. This will make both discovering the changes that need to be made as well as sticking to them a lot easier.
Now that I have found the Jim Rohn quote, let us look at a few examples. Let us say the result is that you would like a better body by this time next year. What changes would you have to make? The clearer you are on the specifics of those changes, the better. At the very least, write the result you are seeking on the top of a piece a paper and the changes you are willing to make underneath. This could include engaging in physical activity at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes. This goal is a lot more powerful than “Move more.” How about changing your eating habits? Instead of writing “Eat better”, try not eating after 7pm. Maybe add have 3 servings of vegetables a day.
This works especially well if your life is a total dumpster fire at this point. Changing your focus on what result you would like to see in your life is a great first step in turning it all around. As you are working towards this result, you can ask yourself the thought-provoking question, “Is this action going to take me closer to, or further away from my result?” That may allow you to pause before having one of those free doughnuts in the breakroom, or telling your friend that you can’t make it to the gym. I find it is also helpful to have measurable points along the way. If your goal is to lose 30 pounds by next year, it would help you to break that down by 12 to see how much you should be losing each month. That would be 2.5 pounds a month in this case. If we only think about 30 pounds a year from now, one doughnut may not seem that big of a deal. When we know we have to lose 2.5 pounds in the next 30 days, it becomes a little more of a big deal. Same with skipping the workout.
Pick your result and write it at the top of a piece of paper. Then, list the changes you will need to make in order to reach that result. Be prepared to do what Jim Rohn said – If you want your life to be better, you must get better. If you want your life to change, you must be willing to change.
It is that time of year that students are heading back to school. This could be high school, college or any other school. I hear a lot of them praying for graduation and for “It to be all over.” What many of them fail to realize, is that if we are to be successful it is never over. That is, if we wish to rise above the hoards of average individuals and live an amazing life, learning never stops. In fact, when we do graduate it is called commencement. That word, by its very definition, means “a beginning or start”.
After two decades (wow that sounds like a long time), 2060 blog posts and 3 published books, I consider myself to be a very avid student of self-improvement. Not only are there so much material to consume, there are so many teachers to learn from. When I say so many teachers, I mean they are everywhere! Not only formal teachers, like Nicci, the favorite art teacher of Margie and me, but informal teachers as well. We are actually all teachers. I learn a lot from my friend Kurt who is currently writing a great book I can’t wait to share with all of you. I learn from my friend Nick who is a great student of life himself. Even thousands of miles away, I learn from my friend Eduardo in Italy. He has such a unique and amazing way of interpreting what I write. There are even people who teach us through their mistakes and bad behavior. I can’t count the times I have witnessed someone treat an employee rudely and am reminded how important it is to show these people appreciation.
Even some of the more negative aspects of life can be great teachers. The news, seldom inspiring, will show us what is wrong in the world. This is a great teacher of what we need to do to change the world. Life’s challenges are great teachers. They allow us to learn new ways to develop strength and prepare for things we never knew we had to prepare for! Our mistakes, as painful as they can be at times, are great teachers. They show us areas in our life that we may need to change and improve in. Those people who say and do things that anger and hurt others and boldly proclaim, “That’s just who I am. I am not changing for anybody.” Those are people who are not developing and learning. I don’t think there is a decent person alive who really wants to hurt others. Maybe it involves communicating better. It could be fostering a better understanding between the two parties.
Remember the meaning of the word ‘commencement’ and that leaving school is just the beginning of our education. Look around at your life and notice and appreciate all of the teachers that you have.
This is a picture my friend Phil Posted. What a great message it has on the cup. I advocate surrounding yourself with as many positive and encouraging messages as you can. This may seem hokey to some, but it really is just balancing the scales. After all, the world today exposes us to many negative messages. There are positive ones too, but they don’t seem to get as much press. Sometimes, you just have to supply your own. It is even better if you are friends with someone amazing like Phil, who will help you by posting a positive picture such as this one.
As an author, this has an even greater message to me. That is one that I do my best to tell everyone, and now I am tell you, the dear reader. That is simply what is says on the cup – there is strength in your story. It amazes me how many people think that their life has nothing to offer the world. Nothing could be further from the truth! Maybe you are a single mother who is barely making it paycheck to paycheck. Do you know how many other single mothers you could inspire and give hope and a sense of community to by sharing your story? Are you someone living with a disability? A recovering addict? A struggling addict? A school teacher? A kid who is being bullied? Sharing our stories helps us create a greater sense of community in the global neighborhood we live in.
That last line may sound a little bit like Mr. Rogers, but that is ok. I happen to be a big Mr. Rogers fan. I think he would agree that each one of us has strength in our life story. Even if your life appears to be a total dumpster fire at the moment and you are barely hanging on day to day. That, my friend, can inspire others.
I recall a couple of gentleman I used to have the honor of serving at the meal program I volunteered at. I remember one fellow lost all of his teeth and had someone steal what few belongings he had. “How do you carry on?” I inquired. He pointed at the other gentleman he came in with. This man was a homeless vet who had lost his leg in war. He could not afford proper health care or even a decent set of crutches. “If he can keep getting up every day, then so can I.” The first man informed me. Even this man who was homeless, had lost his leg and could not afford a pair of crutches was inspiring others. How? Just by getting up to face every day. How many ways to you think sharing your story, in whatever form you choose, could inspire someone who truly needs it?
