Tag: self-improvement

MAKE LIFE BEAUTIFUL 😍

We touched on this theory in the post Live in a loving world. We are going to look at how to make the life we are living a beautiful experience. It is not as difficult as many would like to have you believe. The ‘sky is falling’ or ‘chicken little’ approach taken by many in politics and the media is great for selling, but not necessarily reality. Yes, life is full of challenges, disappoints and loss. It is, however, also full of beauty, opportunity, and abundance. It is really what we choose to focus on. As Tony Robbins says, “What is wrong is always available, but so is what is right.”

I look at this as a challenge of sorts. Can I find the beauty in whatever situation I am going through? I know there is always something beautiful and grateful to be found. In the beginning, the trick is sticking with it long enough to find. What is the payoff for this challenge? Noticing the beauty that is all around us. What is the big deal there? It changes our emotional state. If you stop and think about it, our lives are our emotional states. If you are poor, and are an angry and pissed off person, what is your life? Angry and pissed off. Now if you got money and became a rich angry and pissed off person, what is your reality? It is still angry and pissed off. Therefore, taking charge of our emotional state is taking charge of our life.

The more you can find the beauty that is all around you, the more beautiful your life becomes. Let me use my own current situation as an example. I am writing this in a coffee shop as I so often do. Across from me, a couple is sitting side by side doing their homework together. Rather beautiful. The sun is shining through the windows despite it being a rather chilly October day. This is rather beautiful. Behind me, I hear the sounds of friends laughing together while enjoying a coffee. Laughter is a beautiful sound. The fact that I can enjoy a hot cup of coffee is a beautiful thing. At the turn of the last century, coffee was a rare commodity. Kind of hard to imagine now. Lucky me.

How about your life? What is beautiful in your life? Remember, it doesn‘t have to be perfect to be beautiful. Even the broken can be beautiful. I recall the pain of losing those I loved, and really struggling to find the beauty in that. What I learned was that in order to hurt so greatly, we first have to love so greatly. This is not an opportunity afforded to all. The more loss we feel, the greater we have loved. It also means we are better able to understand and help those who also experience and feel loss. Something we would not be able to do had we not felt the loss ourselves. The beauty in the struggle is the opportunity to feel the victory in overcoming, or even just pushing on. I would love to hear what is beautiful in your life at the moment. The more we stop and look for beauty, the more it will appear. Wouldn’t you like your life to be more beautiful?

YOU ARE WORTH IT!❤️

I think discipline, especially self-discipline, is one of the most attractive qualities. Being able to do what you said you would do, long after the urge to do it has passed, is very admirable. It is not only keeping your word to those you told, but, and perhaps more importantly, it is keeping your word to yourself. How do you think people feel about you when you break your word to them? Not so good would be my guess. They start to trust you less and view you as less reliable. When you do not maintain your self-discipline, that is how you start viewing yourself. It begins to tear down your self-image. This, in turn, affects your self-confidence. Having a poor self-confidence and self-image can lead to a whole host of problems. The inability to put yourself out there. The reluctance to try new things. Missed opportunities.

If we stop to think about it, self-discipline is really self-love. When we keep our world to others and to ourselves, we can hold our heads up high. We have a sense of pride. Not to mention, we do not have the stress that comes with not getting the things we planned on getting done just because we didn’t feel like it. If we only work when we feel like it, we will only go so far. I heard a saying that went something like this, “Motivation gets you started, discipline allows you to finish.”

Next time you feel like ‘giving yourself a break’ and not finishing what you said you would do, realize you are doing yourself a great disservice. You will diminish your standing in both the eyes of others and in the eyes staring back at you in the mirror. Keep your word to yourself. Here is what I have found, the more you act with self-discipline, the easier it becomes. If you take control of your mind, instead of it controlling you, the muscle of self-discipline will only grow stronger.

THROW AWAY YOUR ROTTEN FRUIT 🍎

I love this analogy. We can all picture this can’t we? It happens in our house more than we would like. You get one bad fruit and suddenly, the whole bunch is no good. People are not much different. One of the axioms of the self-improvement industry is that you ‘become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’ or something close to that. If all of your closest friends are poor, there is a very good chance that you are not that far from them. There was one study that revealed you are generally within 10,000 of income to the people you spend the greatest time around. Sometimes much closer. Want to be fit, but spend your time around people who keep doughnut shops in business? Chances are it is going to be a long and difficult road to that dream body.

You may be tempted to say, “Neil, people are not fruit!” While this is true, at least for most of us, the situation is the same. One negative person in the workplace can destroy the mood of the entire office. Look at our examples above. If you are in a group of people who spends their money for short-term gratification and does not know how to make their money work for them, how are you every going to learn those skills? You will be tempted to have the same Amazon packages filling your porch that they do. How about the fitness and healthy eating example? If your friends are going out for ice cream and chicken wings every night, you are either going to not be spending a good deal of time with them, or searching for the ‘healthiest’ thing on a menu that may not offer you a good option.

That is not to say you have to dump any friend that does not align perfectly with your life goals. Just that you should be aware that attitude, habits, and discipline, or the lack of, can spread just like that mold on the fruit. One of the scariest things about this, is often, unlike the mold, you cannot see it happening. A bad attitude or lack of discipline are not visible. The effects of them are. if you have any rotten fruit in your life, you should throw it away before it spreads. That holds true as much for people and habits as it does for the oranges on your counter.

TRUE STRENGTH 💪

Here is another reminder of how strong you are. Before the work week begins and we indulge our crazy minds with all of the challenges that we are going to face, why not take a second to think of some of the ones we overcame. Didn’t think you could get that job and now you are about to clock in for another day? Didn’t think you would ever make it through that terrible bit of allergies, but here you are breathing free and clear! Didn’t think you would ever survive the break-up with what’s their name? Here you are living a happier life without them.

In life we make it through a whole host of things we never thought we could. We make it through the loss of a job. That could be getting fired or downsized. We make it through the loss of a relationship. That could be divorce. It could be the loss of a close friendship. We even survive the loss of those we love. This is not to say that we do not feel the hurt and loss of some of these situations, but we wake up and put one foot in front of the other. It is time to recognize that is true strength. We are more resilient that we give ourselves credit for. We notice when we are overcome with sadness and grief, but we should acknowledge the fact that we push on. Yes, we may take a day or more hiding from the world under the covers, and that is ok. Eventually, we venture out into the world once again. The inner strength this takes is no small feat.

Give yourself credit for the days you make it through and be kind to yourself the days you struggle. That is true strength.

WHO IS YOUR MASTER?⛓️

Many of us concern ourselves with being powerful. We try to control situations as much as we are able. Some of us even try to control others. Those are fools endeavors. You will never be able to fully control any situation. There are just too many variables and doing so will only add stress to it. Controlling others is not only morally incorrect, but it leads to resentment and loss of respect. If we wish to be truly powerful, we should focus solely on controlling ourselves.

When we allow someone to affect our emotional state, they in turn become our master. If we put the key to our happiness in someone else’s pocket, true happiness will be a door that forever remains locked. Our emotions are powerful. Our mind is beyond powerful. It is up to us to control and direct that power to a worthwhile end. If we do not, it will be at the whim of outside circumstances. Our live will feel out of control, and worse than that, it actually will be.

This is not a state secret. The mind is a very powerful force. The constant conversation existing there can either be encouraging, or limiting. We can be filled with confidence, or with doubt. The difference is having control of our mind. How do we get control of our mind? There are many ways. Meditation is one. Learning to harness all of our runaway thoughts. To strengthen the mind/body connection so that we may use it for healing instead of sickness. Another way to control our minds is developing discipline. Many people think this is just for overachievers. Not so. Your mind will forever convince you that you have earned that binge watching session on the couch. Maybe you have. Delaying immediate gratification for accomplishment of long-term goals means you will not be a slave to your desires.

You may be asking yourself what the big deal is in all of this. Who cares if I take an extra break? Would not life be more enjoyable spending extra time in pleasure activities? It would be…if we earn them. To know that our paper isn’t written, or our housework is not done will be a constant source of stress no matter how hard we work to ignore it. Think you are pulling one over on the boss by taking an extra break? For several reasons this is not so. The obvious one is that you will be one of the first employees to go when the company hits hard times. Even worse is the knowledge that you are getting paid for more than you are doing. Your coworkers could see it. Your boss certainly might notice. Even if you manage to fool all of them, the loss of pride and self-realization that you are not being the best version of yourself at whatever endeavor you are engaged in, will haunt you when you are alone.

Today, do not give in to the voices in your head. Become the master and not the mastered. You deserve to bring the best of you, not only to the world, but to whatever you are doing. Put off immediate gratification. Remember the long term goal. It may not seem as ‘fun’ but it will leave you with a sense of pride in yourself that will feel better than any binge watching session or high-calorie indulgence you may be considering. You can do this. You got this!

YOU’RE DOING GREAT!😃

On this site, we have focused a great deal on gratitude. For my money, there is nothing that will positively affect your life more intensely, or quicker, than developing an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on all of the amazing things that we do have in life will place us in a state of abundance quicker than anything else I know.

Today’s post is a little of the opposite. This may sound a bit funny after all of positives we listed in the paragraph above, but hear me out. Today is about focusing on all of the challenges we have in our lives. Not to leave us feeling overwhelmed. No. No. Understanding that we have kept going despite many things that would have stopped others. We may have stumbled. We may have fallen. We have not given up! Look in the mirror and realize that you have survived 100% of your worst days. Even the days that seemed the darkest.

Today, take some time to recognize how strong you are, even if it does not always feel like it. You have made it, despite feeling the urge to give up. You should be proud of yourself. We, at Secret2anamazinglife.com, are proud of you. By reading this blog post you are working to improve your life and add just that little bit more light. Now, go out into the world with your head held high! You may have a long way to go to be where you want to be, but you are a far way from where you used to be. More importantly, you are still here. Still striving. You are stronger than you think! Be proud of yourself.

THIS IS SCARY 😨

Today begins the month of October. Many of us spend this month watching scary movies and putting up decorations of ghosts, goblins and such. We read scary stories and dress up for Halloween. Here is a scary thought that I would like to share with you today. The quote above says it all. Do not forget this month, while you are thinking about what type of candy would bring a smile to the faces of the children that come to your door, to think about what would bring a smile to your face as well

The truly scary part in life is that many of us do not make ourselves, and by default our happiness, a priority. We worry about what we must do at work to keep the boss happy. We worry about what we have to do at home to keep the spouse and/or the family happy. We worry about our friends, our relatives and those we care about. This is all good, but without keeping our own well-being in mind, it can lead to disaster. It can have us feeling like we have a drained battery. It can have us trying to fill someone’s cup from our empty pitcher. Whatever analogy works for you. The fact is that the better we take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of those around us.

This is so true. Even those who love us and really want the best for us, can often have a bad day. They can be preoccupied with their own life challenges. We must remember to spend some time each day dedicated to making sure our own happiness and inner peace are intact. Doing so will provide us the best opportunity to serve others and do so in a way that feels good, not draining. In fact, feeling drained or overwhelmed is often the way the body is signaling to us that we need to spend a little more time on self-care. That is not to say we should become self-absorbed, but that we should spend some of our life making ourselves a priority. This will not only allow us to serve others better, but increase the quality of our life as we do so.

HANG WITH THESE PEOPLE 😊

As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.

A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.

IT IS YOUR WAR TO WIN 🤺

In life, it can be easy to confuse battles with wars. What exactly does this mean? Our goals are like a war to win. In the journey to achieve them, we must fight several battles. My goal of reaches and serving as many souls with my writing is one that has its ups and downs. My first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, was a great success. It has sold roughly 5000 copies and is owned by rockstars, movie stars and billionaires. Some have even sent me personal letters to thank me. My most recent book, The Beat Goes On, has not done nearly as well as I had hoped. Does that make me a failure as a writer? No, it just means that battle did not turn out as I had planned.

Just like in war, we can learn even more from our loses than from our successes. Many people think viewing their goals as a war to win seems a bit over the top. That viewing life as some sort of life or death struggle may be a bit too dramatic. I am here to tell you that life is a constant struggle for territory, as Les Brown likes to say. If you do not stay committed to living a positive rewarding life, those negative thoughts will start creeping in. If you do not stay dedicated to your health and fitness, those calories will start showing themselves in unflattering ways.

Even in these examples, there are wins and loses. You may lose your temper and snap at someone who does not deserve it. You may give in and have one of those doughnuts in the breakroom…or two. This does not mean you are a failure, or have lost the war. No, it simply means that you have lost a battle. Use that to motivate you. Use it to learn from. The more battles you win, the sooner you will win the war.

WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR POWER 🔋

Here is something you may not be aware of – you have amazing power. This does not depend on your professional position. It does not depend on the amount of followers you have on social media. Yes, all of these are a form of power, but there are far more intense ways of having power. You have the power to affect and influence your spouse, your children, your parents, your coworkers and even the cashier at the grocery store. You have the power to impact other drivers as you make your way down the street.

You may be wondering how you have power over all of these people. Let me explain. Your spouse. This is an easy one. The people closest to us are the ones who can affect us the greatest. You can say something to make them feel loved and attractive. You can also ignore them or make them feel like they are not a priority. The choice is really up to you. Your children. You can pass on all of the lessons you learned in life. You could also say one thing while doing another. Children learn far more by example than by words. Even your parents. You can make them proud by your actions, or you can make them feel like they failed as parents when you end up in jail for some immoral behavior. How about coworkers? Have you ever noticed when someone is on edge in the office, almost everyone is? There are people who come into work and can bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Be the second person as often as you can. It will be better for everyone.

Even other motorists on the street. You can wave with one finger or the whole hand. That is up to you. It can impact someone’s entire day. In my neighborhood, I do my best to wave and give a smile to all of my neighbors. Even if I do not know them, it gives a feeling of community and hopefully a little pleasant feeling to their day. Cashiers at the grocery store, or anyone in retail, have their share of challenging customers to deal with. Being a pleasant and appreciative customer can not only make their day go by quicker, it can make them feel better about themselves and the world at large.

Does this seem like hyperbole? Think of when you have someone cut you off in traffic. Do you find yourself saying things like, “People are driving so crazy these days!” Suddenly, your view of the world’s drivers has taken a hit. Someone rude to you at work? Suddenly, customers are so demanding! Why can’t people have manners like they used to? Your opinion of the world is affected. It may not last very long, then again it might, but even for a moment, that person had the power to affect you. This is a power we all have. Are we using that power for good? Are we using our powers at all? Let us put our powers in action and let us use them for good as often as we can!