What a crazy week it has been! November in Wisconsin, the state I live in, can be one of the hardest months for me. To say that I am not a fan of cold weather is one severe understatement. My good fortune is that up until recently, the weather has been mild for this time of year. In fact, last Thursday the high temperature was 75 F. By the next day, the high temperature was only 40F. If you are keeping score at home, that is a drop of 35 degrees in one day. On top of that, I get home from work at roughly 2:40pm and today the sun set at 4:29pm. Not much light to enjoy which causes the energy levels to plummet. I even started wearing my winter coat.
All of this can really cause my mood to go south as well. This year, I am determined to keep my spirits up. I am going to really put into practice a lot of the things I teach in my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream. I am also exploring some new things such as daily use of a ‘Happy Lamp’ for artificial sunlight and creating a list of things that lift my spirits. This should help a great deal. Those of us in the Northern hemisphere could use a little lift and I am suggesting you approach it as a challenge. That is what I plan to do. I can’t change the weather, but I can find more and unique ways of adapting. If you have any other additional tips and tools to help keep my mood up as the sun stays down I would LOVE to hear them.
In my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, one of the greatest challenges is eating better. This has become even more of a challenge in the last few years because I have a lady who is an amazing cook of delicious food in my life. One thing that helps me keep myself in line is this question, “What is the purpose for eating?” In simple terms, the answer is so you don’t die. Everyday for lunch I eat oatmeal. It amazes some, confuses most. I noticed one difference between healthy eaters and those who are…um…less than healthy is that the healthy eaters understand the consumption of food is about fueling the body, while those who are less healthy eat what is fun and tastes good. They view mealtime as a sort of entertainment. That is not to say you should eat bland food at every meal. Ponder what that pound of gummy bears might be doing to your body. Mix in some healthy options and find dishes that both taste great as well as provide fuel for body and brain.
The funny thing is that this is not a post about eating or healthy meal choices. It is about the reason and benefits behind our choices. The question we asked about food is the same we can ask about our viewing. Do we spend hours in front of the television watching reality shows that have very little basis in reality? Do we stream hours of mindless programing on Netflix? Do we spend a large percentage of our day watching cat videos on YouTube? Consuming information can be the same as consuming food. It should not be just an entertainment option, but should also fuel our brains, or even our spirit. Can you imagine how your day would start if you read something inspirational for 10 minutes before you checked your email and social media? How about swapping out one of those reality programs for one on improving your relationships?
I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating eating seaweed and oatmeal for every meal. I am also not saying you should spend all of your viewing time glued to documentaries about the effects of solar radiation on the skin. We need entertainment. That can be on our television or on our dinner plate. I just caution you to understand this should be an exception, not the rule. Our bodies work best when we feed them the proper fuel. So do our brains. There are times we need to relax and watch Dumb and Dumber for the third time. There are times when I enjoy a good pizza. When those cease to be something special and become our norm, we are not feeding our brains or our bodies with the right fuel. That is like having a sports car and putting the cheapest gas in it. Chances are it will not run as well as it should. If that sounds like something foolish to do, why would we do the same thing to our bodies? Let us try to strike a balance between fuel and entertainment. We should work towards putting the priority on fueling our bodies and brains while taking moments for entertainment. That is the secret to an amazing life.
This post may be a little uncomfortable. For you, for me and for many of us. Many of us consider a life where we try to limit the hurtful and bad things we do, to be a good life. To some extent, this is true. Trying to do as few things to hurt your fellow man certainly makes the world a better place. Is it really enough? Voltaire reminds us in the quote above, that if we know of a good we could have done, but did not, we are guilty. Has there been a time when you know there was something good you could have done but did not? Maybe you did not have the time? Maybe you lacked the energy? Were you too nervous? Perhaps a little too shy? These are all true and valid reasons. Yet, if we deny some good to the world or our fellow humans, we are guilty as charged.
I know that I have been guilty of this as much as anyone. How many times have you thought about calling a friend or sending them a text message and then just became “too busy”? Meant to tell your spouse how wonderful they looked or made you feel, but then reconsidered it? Did you think it would sound silly? Maybe that they would not believe you? If you denied that good, you are guilty. I have worked my life to improve on this. I find when I have given all the good that I can in a day, that I can rest peacefully that night. Knowing that I did my best to bring all the good that I can to the world gives me a feeling of inner peace that is difficult to put into words. I am not always perfect, and I certainly have some work to do. I do my best to keep this quote of Voltaire in the back of my mind as I go through my day and would think it would benefit most of us to do the same
Remember, you are not only guilty of all the bad you did do, but also all of the good you did not do. Uncomfortable thought? Yes. It is still true. Let us take advantage of every good presented to us today.
For those of you who know me personally, the title of this post should not be much of a surprise. On any given day, I would rather speak with a dog than some people I know. If you read into the quote, it also fits the author. In this case the dogs that bark are people and situations that cause a distraction. When you are working on transforming your life to one you not only can be proud of, but one you will enjoy living every day, you cannot stop and worry about what Jane said about Susan. You can’t even really worry about the gossip that Jane or Susan may be saying about you.
In 23 years of bartending, and now several years being a DJ, I have noticed there are plenty of people who could fit in the category of barking dogs. If I did stop and worry about all of the people who wish to be detractors, I would have a lot less energy and time to work on improving myself and my life. Add to that, the input I receive from the over 200 countries this website is followed in, and there are countless people with something to say. This is not to say you should not listen to feedback. To me, engaging with people around the globe is one of the best parts about being international. What we should not fall victim to is the ‘keyboard rangers’, as Greg Plitt used to refer to them. Those are the sad souls who spend their lives criticizing from behind a computer screen. These folks are generally not putting in time to improve their own lives and are more focused on tearing down others. Do you think people like Warren Buffett and Jeff Bezos sit down and respond to every negative comment about them? No. They are busy running their respective companies.
Next time you are tempted to respond to ideal gossip or some ‘keyboard ranger’, ask yourself, “Will spending time on this bring me any closer to my goal? By doing so, will it take precious time away from improving my life and my position in it?” There are a lot of people who feel they need to respond to everything that is said and done. Is that not letting your emotions control you? I know there are people who slander you and continue to say negative things. I know you would like to get back at them and get some feeling of revenge. Trust me, it is not worth it and gives them even more power over you. Still don’t trust me on this point? That is fine. I will leave you with the wise words of the singer Frank Sinatra.
Here in the United States, people are reacting to the results of the recent elections. Some are rejoicing. Some are quite upset. Some are worried. Some races have yet to be decided. As I mentioned on my post the day of the election, we should focus on uniting despite our differences. Now that elections are over, the focus should be on how to work together to come up with solutions that make a better life for all of us. It can be hard to understand and appreciate those who have a different thought or opinion than we do. I am hoping this picture above helps. Which gent do you think is right? If you look at the picture, you would be inclined to say, “Both of them.” How can that be? How can they both be right?
In the picture it is easy to see that the situation is correct for both gents because it looks different based on their perspective. Hmmm…something to think about. This is easy to see and appreciate in this visual example. The same holds true for spiritual, social and philosophical examples as well. If you were raised in a household that never had to worry about money, you would look at situations and life far differently than someone raised in a poor family. If you were raised in a Christian household, you may have a certain set of values. Those would differ in many ways than if you were raised in a Muslim household. Even a Christian household in say… Peru, would be different than one in Greenland.
Yet, knowing that situations could not possibly be the same, we spend the majority of time and effort trying to convince others that our way and opinion is the right one. Can you see how foolish this is now? Instead we should say, “This person has an opinion and way of doing things that is different than mine. How can we both respect our differences and work together to come up with a solution for the problems we are facing?” When I mention things like this, people tell me that will never happen. They say it is too much of a fantasy. They call me an idealist and say these thoughts are radical. I feel quite the contrary. To me, they are the most logical and productive course of action. Why is being able to respect our differences while working together seem so untenable? It would be the logical course of action if we hope to promote peace and further progress.
My guess why people find this hard to believe and even harder to picture being put in place is because it involves being able to control your emotions. To most people, the thought that we can control our emotions instead of letting them control us, is as foreign as speaking a different language. That does not make it any less true. I implore you to not only picture this way of relating to one another, but to work towards it. Elections have a way of either bringing us together or tearing us apart. Once again, it is important to realise that decision is solely in the hands of the people. Not the media reporting it. Not the political leaders who appear to be running the show. Not the winners. Not the losers. The power to decide if we are going to work against one another or to work with one another is entirely up to us the voters. Stay united and learn to work with each other. In the world, in your community and in your neighborhood.
This past Saturday I took part in an event that featured several different authors. Above is a picture of me talking to one of them. These events are always fun and enlightening. Talking with other authors, we all discover we share some of the same struggles and can support one another. At this particular event, another great aspect of the benefits of writing was on display – sharing your story. There are not words strong enough to convey my desire to have everyone share their story. It is such a gift in so many ways. We have discussed a few of them in past posts and I will provide a quick reminder here. It helps those that read it know and feel they are not alone. No matter how uniquely crazy your situation feels, I can guarantee there is someone out there going through something very similar if not the same. It also helps share and provide a record of mistakes you may have made and helps others avoid them. If it is too late for that, it may help them see how you made your way out of it. Sharing your story helps to foster a sense of community in whatever group you are writing about. With technology, that community can even be global!
Those benefits, as great as they are, do not come close to completing the list of benefits you can get from sharing your story. Here is what I heard at this event. There was an author who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. She was left with 3 children to raise and a host of challenges. One of which was just managing to go on after losing the person she loved most in the world. How do you manage to love your life after a moment like that? She managed to do it and shared how she did it in her book. Another author lost her child. That is devastating to any parent. In addition to having to heal from her own pain, she had to explain what happened to her other children. How can you possibly do both of those? She did and she wrote a book that will help other parents who may tragically find themselves in the same situation. A third author has 3 autistic children. One who also has hearing and vision challenges. While doing her best to raise them, she is often judged harshly by those around her who are ignorant to her struggles. One time even having the police called on her. How does she manage to stay sane and raise her children? What struggles does a parent in that situation go through? She is going to write a book about that.
In this case, writing was a great form of therapy for all of these authors. It helped them heal and by sharing their journey, it will help others do the same. We may be fortunate enough not to have events like these occur in our life. I can promise you we have all faced some struggle. Job loss, relationship loss or a host of other challenges. Sharing our story and our journey with others is both a gift to them and to us. When we share our story with the world, it is the world that benefits. Unless you are some sort of extraterrestrial, which would make a great book, that world includes you! When we share, everyone, including ourselves, wins.
What if you are not a writer? That is fine. Everyone is not a reader. You can share your story through music, painting, sculpting or whatever medium you decide. Today, you can make your own videos to share on a variety of platforms. You could start a blog. You can start your own podcast and talk to people that way. These are all great because people consume in different ways. Some people listen to podcasts. Some of us read blogs. Some of us watch videos. Some of us still read books. Some of us do several or all of these. That is why it is so important to share your story in whatever form makes you comfortable.
Baby Ruth had the record for most home runs for a while. Many people know that. He also struck out quite a bit. How many people know that? He did not let it stop him, do you let it stop you? If you strike out in life, or have a failure in life, we need to keep swinging. We always have another “at bat” or chance to do better.
If athletes in sportsmake a mistake, they are told to put it behind them. We must do the same. If we always show up, and never give up, we will be tough to beat. Take Babe Ruth’s advice and keep swinging +
It is true that unplugging things saves electricity and energy. When we do save energy, we have more to use at a later time. Whether that is in our homes or our bodies. Make sure to unplug a little this weekend.
You may be busy like myself and not have a lot of free time on the weekend. The key then is to make the most of the time you have. Truly unplug. This could be meditation. It could be sitting in nature and reading a book. Taking a hot bath. Whatever works for you, make sure to do it this weekend.
What phrases do you use that could be subconsciously sabotaging you? We all have that one phrase we picked up somewhere. Maybe from our parents? Maybe in school? Maybe on the job?It can be something like “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Or even a simple “I can’t afford it.” The issue doesn’t have to be lack of abundance. It could be a phrase about things always going wrong. It can be something about how everyone is Only out for themselves.
I hear people tell me all of the time, “Neil those are just something people say. I don’t pay it any mind.” Actually, you do pay it some mind – subconscious mind! That portion of your brain is always listening. If you are repeating something negative over and over, it is bound to affect you. That is why affirmations work. Try to start using a phrase that will add something positive to your life.
When people ask me how I’m doing, I always answer “Living the Dream!” Not only do I say that, I truly believe I am. So much so, it is the title of my second book. What positive phrase could you add to your life? Leave it in the comments below.
A few posts ago, we examined two secrets to a great relationship. If you are looking at strengthening your relationship with that special someone, or really anyone in your life, I suggest you give it a look. After I published that post, there was a lot of reaction. It always makes me happy to have engagement with anything I write. One particular comment brought to attention another very important aspect of a great relationship. If you seriously implement this one relationship tool, it will improve your outlook on your partner and their outlook on you. There will not even be a need for any awkward conversations.
There was a particular comment that brought up a really good point. The young lady shared the secret from turning frustration in her relationship into appreciation. Sounds like it could be an impossible task, but it is easier than you think. In fact, it only takes learning one thing. One of the most frustrating things in a relationship is when you feel your partner does not show enough affection. When you feel you are saying or doing all the right things and they seem unaffected. The only frustration that ranks a close second is when your partner says you are doing the same thing. Quite often, it is not affection that is missing from these relationships, but communication. Even if there is a lot of talking going on, we can often be speaking different languages. Can you imagine trying to solve a problem in a relationship if you spoke Zulu and your partner spoke…let us say French? How easy to you think it would be to understand and appreciate each other’s point of view? How about making each other feel loved or feeling loved yourself?
You might be saying, “Neil, both my partner and I speak the same language, but there still feels like a lack of love.” You might speak the same language, but do you speak the same Love Language? There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I don’t get a commission on sales, but I would recommend getting your hands on a copy. You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner. You will learn the five ways in which people express love. Maybe you are someone who is more verbal (Neil) and you are good with putting your feelings into words. Perhaps you are someone who is more physical (Margie) and instead of some long-winded monologue comparing your growing love to a blossoming flower, you just want to come up and wrap your arms around the person you love. They are both expressing love, but in different ways. Add to that the other 3 languages and you can see how tricky this can get. Do you want to really blow your mind? People do not often express and receive love in the same language. They can express their love verbally, but like to feel it physically. Maybe it is the opposite? Maybe it involves acts of service? How about spending quality time with your partner? Maybe even receiving a gift? If your partner and you speak different love languages, it can often seem as different as Zulu and French.
Just like personality, where your partner can be more silly and you express your humor in a more stoic fashion. Once you realize and acknowledge your differences, you can help balance each other out and help grow and discover different parts of yourself you may have neglected. When Margie and I discovered our different love languages, it really helped us not only understand the communication coming from each other, but how best to communicate with each other. Doing the little exercises in the book The Five Love Languages did involve a little amount of work, but it was fun and exciting work. Discovering how both you and your partner speak and receive love can be one of the most rewarding experiences. It can also help you avoid many miscommunications in the future and help you remedy any disagreements a lot quicker. Imagine having the knowledge of “I know how to make my partner feel loved.” in your head? What a great tool to have!
Here are good friends of Margie and me, Chris and Nicci. Also, the couple that provided the inspiration for this post. Something that Nicci said in her comment is so true. It really made the difference in their relationship, it really made a difference between Margie and I when we implemented it, and I know it will help take your relationship to the next level. She mentioned when they really experienced joy and contentment in their relationship was when they stop looking for each other to express love in specific ways and turned their attention to finding the way that each other was already expressing love that they might be missing. It is important to both look for how your partner does express love and letting them know, lovingly I might add, how you really feel love. If your partner brings you flowers to show they love you and that works for you, great. If they change the oil in your car so you are safe and don’t have to worry about having it done, that is expressing love and caring too. I cannot express how much fun discovering each other’s love languages can be. It worked for Margie and I. It worked for Chris and Nicci. It will work for you as well. Instead of feeling frustrated your partner isn’t exactly as you would like them to be, look for the treasure they have that is already there. You might be missing a lot of love they are expressing.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 