Tag: Self-Help

BOTH KINDS OF PEOPLE MAKE A DIFFERENCE 🤔

Almost everyone has heard of FOMO, or fear of missing out. In life, there is a great deal of joy to be had in missing out on certain things. There are many times when you have to say ‘no’ to the party, saying ‘no’ to getting together with certain people can be just as much a form of self-care as getting together. There is a great deal of inner peace to be had in staying home and healing our spirit. It may be hard for some people to see this. That is only because their focus is on what they are missing, such as the coffee with friends, shopping with the girls, or fishing with the guys. Instead, focus on what you are gaining. Recharging your internal battery. Refilling your reserve to deal with stress. Reclaiming your inner peace.

On the contrary, there are people who really can be a blessing. There are those souls that being around them can just lift your spirit. These people are truly like medicine. Whenever I find myself surrounded too often by people whose very presence induce the urge to take a hot shower, I make a point to fill my company with those people who feel like sunshine. A walk in the woods with my mother. A nice breakfast out with my love. Coffee with my friend Nick. This medicine for the soul can be just as important as the medicine we take for our bodies. In this day and age, you do not even have to connect with people physically. Even people thousands of miles away can bring sunshine and joy to your spirit. Trading messages with my new friend Eduardo in Italy always puts a smile on my face. Phone conversations with my friend Kaylene is Australia, which I have not had in far too long, brighten my day.

Deciding who, and what, in your life that you can do without can make all of the difference between a stress-filled life and a stress-free life. Discovering JOMO, or the joy of missing out, can bring you inner peace. As well as choosing who, and what, bring you joy in your life and add more of them! Even if they have to be added using technology, such as my friends throughout the world I have just messaged.

What can you do without starting today? Who in your life brings a smile to your face? Feel free to share that with the rest of us! Are there people in your life, even if they can’t be there physically, that bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart? Give them a mention in the comments. Doing so might make their day! I know engaging with all of you who follow this site, whether you are in Greenland or Peru, makes my day brighter!

REMEMBER YOU ARE AN ARCHITECT 👨‍💼

You are an architect. You are also a construction worker, a home decorator, and a painter. So am I. Before you stop reading this and decide that I am going crazy, hear me out. You are building a house. So am I. Getting closer to insane you are thinking? This, of course, is an analogy. Your life is like you are building a house. One of the most important steps is to draw up plans. Can you imagine if you just started building a house with no plans? You wouldn’t have measurements, you would not know what kind of materials to use. There is a good chance that you would get through a couple of days and have to start all over again. You would make a lot of mistakes and it would take just south of an eternity. Then again, if you have a great set of plans, you know how long to cut the lumber, who to call for the plumbing and things go generally smoothly. If there is a problem, you can look at your plans and make an intelligent adjustment.

You might be thinking, “Only an idiot would try to build something as valuable as a house without any plans. For the most part, you would be right. Who would try to build the most valuable thing in their life with no plans? A lot more people than you think. I am not talking about actual houses, but the metaphor works for something even more valuable. Didn’t we just say that your house was the most valuable thing in your life? The only thing more valuable than that? Your life itself! Did you wake up with a plan for today? Are you someone who just wakes up to go to work and pay the bills? Do you have long term plans for your life? I actually had someone tell me, “I am just going to work until I retire. Then I will figure it out.” So, let me get this straight. You are going to wait until 60+ years of your life have passed before engaging that mass of grey matter that sits on top of your neck? Even if your plans would have to wait to be enacted until you retire, they would stand a lot better chance of achievement if you began planning and taking action now.

Plans are a great first step. They are a necessary first step. Guess what? You can’t sleep inside of a set of plans. You can’t park your car in a set of plans. There are many people who are great planners, but that is as far as they get. They spend their whole life planning. You have to get off your butt and start building. Just like house construction, there is a way to go about this as well. You don’t start building a house by assembling a roof. No, you start by laying a good foundation. How about your life and your goals? Do you have a good foundation? What are you building your life on? Are you selecting the best materials or going with whatever is cheapest? If you were building a lifetime house for you and your family, you would of course select only the finest quality materials. Guess what? You only get one life! You best select the best quality people, places and things to put in it.

One more quick thought before we wrap this post up. This idea came to me in the shower. Don’t all ideas come to you in the shower? When you are building a house, those investing in said house will want you to complete it in a hurry. What happens if you rush construction? You cut corners. You compromise safety and with the first big storm your house collapses. Same with your life. Sometimes the people invested in you and your life will want you to rush into things. Don’t. Take your time and build your life right. That way when the storms of life come, you know your house will be able to take it.

If you think of building your life like building a house, you will do so in a careful and well thought out manner. We could get into decorating your life and what you would want it to look like, but that is a personal preference. If you only were able to live in one house for the rest of your life, you would do everything to make sure it is a good one. Well my friend, you only have one life to live, so make sure it is a good one.

HOW TO STOP A SNOWBALL ❄️

Have you ever had one of those moments in life where your problems seem like a snowball rolling downhill? They keep getting bigger and bigger and coming at you faster and faster. What do you do then? Ask yourself what would you do if a large snowball was rolling downhill towards you? The way I see it, you have two real options. First, you could try to outrun the snowball. This would not be wise. Being perfectly round and using the speed of gravity, you would not be very likely to win this race. Not to mention, the longer you run away from the snowball, the larger it gets.

Your other option is to side step the raging ball of frozen water. Depending on the rate of speed of the arctic weapon, and your speed in dodging it, this could work. If, however, you wish to put an end to this nightmare, your best bet can seem rather counter-intuitive. That is to run towards the snowball. If you are going to get run over by it anyway, it is better to race and meet it when it is smaller. After the initial hit, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be on your way.

Why on earth are we talking about running from giant snowballs? It could be because as I write this there is a lovely mix of freezing rain and snow coming down just outside my window. More than likely because it is an analogy for how we solve our problems. Some people seem to run from their problems. This, like in the snowball example, is not a good strategy. Just like the mass of snowflakes, our problems will only continue to get bigger and come at us faster. Eventually, they will catch up to us and run us over.

You could try the sidestep method. In some cases, this is a good strategy. If you happen to be in a social circle that is filled with drama and gossip, it could be good to step out of that circle. If your problem is that you have not paid your rent, moving will not solve that problem. Just like our snow example, it will catch you in very short order. You have to really look at the nature of your problems.

Much like the snowball example, I think the best way to face problems is to meet them head on. That way they will be slightly smaller and have not picked up any momentum. Sure, you will get some ‘snow’ on your face and it will not be comfortable, but then you can take the hit and move on. This way, your life will not be one filled with the stress of running from your problems!

I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE!🆘️

Ever have one of those days you are just in a funk and have no idea why? That is me today. I am not even sure what emotion I am feeling. Is it sadness? Not exactly. Is it frustration? A little. For someone who writes a motivational/inspirational blog, this can feel like a double failure. Then, I recall something I always stress in my books and in my writing here. The goal is not to be happy all of the time. Not only is this unrealistic, it will set you up to experience the feelings of failure more often then not.

Frustration. It is a little of what I am feeling. I kind of feel like the kid in the picture above. In fact, he actually looks a little like me when I was young. That’s a little creepy, but moving on. Often, frustration can be a gift. When we are frustrated, it tends to force us to get off our ass and take action to change whatever aspect in our life that is not working. What if you are not sure what exactly is bothering your spirit? This is the dilemma I am currently facing. I began to look at possible culprits. With my commute, I have been working 55 hours a week, Monday through Saturday at my day job. The overtime is nice, but could it be burnout? It is not the most inspiring place, could that be it? My fourth book has reached a point where I am not sure where to go. Is that the source of my frustration? Due to the previously mentioned work hours, I haven’t been going to the gym as often. That affects your mood. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and it is the middle of February. That cannot be helping.

Here I sit trying to figure out why there is a disturbance in the force as they say in Star Wars. It can feel impossible to address the issue, when you do not know the root cause. Still, I know there are things to do that can feed your soul. Focusing on what I have to be grateful for. My home life is peaceful. It includes the most beautiful and amazing lady ever. I have my health, for the most part. I do have a job, although not the most inspiring. I have written three books and over 1800 blog posts. I am working on leaving the world a better place than when I got here. Really, this is a first world problem. I have enough to eat. I have a house to live in. Clean water to drink.

Next, I thought about ways to help my own brain. The first thing that came to mind is that I stopped journaling. Getting your thoughts down on paper can be a great form of therapy. It can also clear out some space in your head. It may even help me discover the source of these unpleasant feelings I am having. Listening to, and doing more meditation can also assist you in clearing out your head. Need to do more of that. Perhaps using my ‘happy lamp’ can help chase away a little of the winter blues? Even writing about it has me feeling a little better. Planning time with the love of my life to do something fun couldn’t hurt either.

So, I am asking for your help. What do you do when you feel yourself in a funk? Especially, when you just can’t put your finger on what is causing it. Thank you all in advance for any suggestions you might have.

FINDING BEAUTY IN HELL

This may be one of the more intense things you read today. I know it is one of the more intense posts I have written in a while. I hope by the time we leave each other today, you will be inspired to look at the world in an entirely different way. The above picture is the outside of a concentration camp from World War II. It still blows my mind how humans can sink to this level of evil towards their fellow human beings. To have a total disregard for the extreme value of human life is beyond me. As you all know, I believe each one of us have a unique gift to bring to the world and a loss of even just one life is too many.

There were so many families that were torn about. Generations that were eliminated from existence in these terrible places. Above is a picture of one man who lived through this nightmare. His name is Viktor Frankl. He was from Austria. As a medical student studying to be a phycologist, he was concerned with the high rate of teen suicide at the time. He set up free clinics in his town that were made available to those who needed them. In 1931, there were no teen suicides thanks in great part to the role of this man. You would think such a caring soul and brilliant mind would be treasured and his programs expanded upon. Sadly, in 1938 Austria became part of the Nazi empire.

In 1942 Viktor married the love of his life. Only nine months later, his entire family were sent to the concentration camp. His father died of starvation. His mother and brother were killed in the gas chamber. His wife died of typhus. Viktor spent 3 long years in the camps. While in there, he practiced what he called logotherapy. One of the aspects of which is that meaning plays a central motivating factor and force in one’s life. He also stated that people find meaning in one of three ways. Making a difference in the world, having particular experiences, or by adopting particular attitudes.

The quote above is a great encapsulation of the book Man’s Search for Meaning. While living in deplorable conditions. Even witnessing the death of his father, his mother, his brother and his wife, Viktor found beauty. Even while being treated as less than human, he found beauty. How on earth was this even possible? One, he was determined that his circumstances, no matter how extremely hellacious they were, would not determine his attitude. He refused to let the evil captures dictate how he was to think. The last freedom, as he stated above, that he had left. He also found beauty in the most extreme situations. One of the examples I found gut-wrenching, yet oddly inspiring, was his story about his soup. The prisoners were given a daily broth of potato water that was somehow supposed to sustain them. One day, while looking in his bowl, he found a potato peel. He celebrated this turn of good fortune as if he had won the lottery. My friend Linda, remembered a story where he saw sunlight shining through a piece of glass and enjoyed the beauty of that.

Man’s Search for Meaning is a book that at once details the unspeakable depths that man can sink to, but also the resilience of the human spirit and will. Everyone should read this book. I think I will do so again shortly. What really stands out to me is, when determined, a man could find beauty in a living hell. When I start to complain about aspects of my life, I think of Victor Frankl. If he could find a beautiful life in the most deplorable conditions, then my inability to find beauty in my own life has less to do with my circumstances and more to do with my attitude.

YOU’RE READING THAT BOOK… AGAIN?! 📚

I ran into my friend Linda at my day job today. For those of you who may not have read the post about Linda that we shared some time ago, she is a wonderful lady that stops in the Post Office I work in. Linda lost her grandson a while back and we shared some thoughts and tears on that subject. She has not only become a great supporter of my writing, but a muse of sorts as well. She is one of those friends that every time I talk to them, I leave with many more ideas to write about and share with you.

On this particular morning, we were talking about books we enjoyed. I don’t even recall how we got on the subject, if I am being honest. The interesting thing we discovered we have in common, was that we both reread books. My favorite book is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. My best guest would be that I have read it seven times. Why on earth would I do that? Do I just have that bad of a memory? No. The reason why I read that book so many times is simple. I am a different person who is reading it. Before you think that I am referring to the multiple voices who take up residence in my head, let me explain. As we go through life we are shaped by many different life experiences. Hopefully, we use them to grow and we are ever evolving. If you are reading a blog like this one, I venture to say that is probably the case for you. Therefore, when you pick up a book a year from now, the person who opens the cover will be different than the one who did so last time you read it. In fact, the hand that turns the last page will belong to a different person than the one who turned the first page.

In life there are many circumstances that deserve revisiting. Whether that is a book, a skill you are trying to develop or a course you wish to take. You are a different person than you were last time you did any of those things. You are a person who has grown, evolved and experienced many different things in life. Even reading the same book, you will appreciate it in a new way and get something new out of it. What things could you revisit that you might learn even more from now than the last time?

WHEN DIARRHEA WAS A BLESSING 😲💩

There have been a few things that I have written about that may have you question my sanity, but this? When has having to run to the porcelain throne ever been not a bad thing, much less a blessing? You may have been wondering if I lost my mind. The second question has yet to be determined. How on earth we are going to look at how we can view intestinal distress as a blessing in our lives?

To be honest, it was not the unholy event that was the blessing, it was what followed it. Let me explain the circumstances. I used to be a regular fast food person. For those of you who know me now, this may seem a bit hard to believe, but it is true. I used to frequent two of the major burger chains. In the space of a year, dramatic things happened that changed everything. Let us start with chain that has a clown for its mascot. That should tell you something about the quality of product they are putting out. I used to enjoy their signature sandwich. One day while consuming the offering served on a sesame seed bun, my special sauce tasted extra…well…special. I didn’t think anything of it. Later that afternoon, while playing ball with some neighborhood kids, I did think about it. It appeared nature was calling and it was dialing 911! I also lived on the second floor of a duplex. It was quite an exciting journey with the end precariously in doubt. After that, the clown did not look so funny and I never returned to that establishment.

Instead of realizing that fast food has some inherent digestive risks, I just switched brands. Now I went to the fast food chain that makes you feel like it is run by royalty. I recall liking their claim to fame even better. They even built one right by where I lived at the time. It is still there, and ironically, is right next to the gym I go to. On this day I was starving and going through the drive through. I could not wait to dive in and enjoy the burger I had just purchased. Although they claim it is flame-broiled, it had a slight metallic taste. Not unlike one would get from a grill that had just been cleaned. In short order, my stomach felt like it had a whopper of a job to do. I was sick for the entire day. I have never been back.

Stomach upset is never a good thing. It is your body’s way of eliminating toxins and things that don’t belong. The fact that my body no longer craves food from two unhealthy establishments is quite a blessing. It was probably just bad luck that I had the same result from both places, but it was actually my good fortune. Feeling like my life was passing before my eyes as I sat in the men’s room was not a joy. Not wanting to consume products that are quite unhealthy for you is a blessing however. Whether it is a certain food, getting sick from drinking too much of a certain alcohol, (Southern Comfort at a dart tournament for me) or any other ill-advised consumption, our bodies can steer us in the right direction even when our brains cannot. It is, however, our brains that link up association between illness and the item consumed.

JUST A QUICK REMINDER 🤔

Mid-week and we are looking at a quick reminder. This quote compares excuses with discipline. It is very true. You may think your excuse will get you out of some work, or some stress, but it always comes back to you. Something to think about when you are ready to make an excuse. Do I want to make my life harder later? That is a good question to ask when faced with the decision to make an excuse or to be disciplined and do the work even when you don’t feel like it.

I like this quote even better! I wish it would show the second half of what he said which was, “discipline weighs ounces. Regret weighs tons.” How many of us can testify to that? Think of all the regret you have had in the past over decisions not to be disciplined? The pain of discipline can be intense in the moment. It can be uncomfortable. After the action is done, that pain usually passes. In many cases, it is replaced by a feeling of pride for have remained loyal to your commitments. Regret, however, that beast not only weighs as much as a ton of bricks, it sticks with you for a long time. Sometimes you can carry that heavy load to the grave. Is that the choice you really want to make?

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE THE WEATHER, LEARN TO SWIM

I was listening to Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers today. He said something I think we can all relate to. He said, “In life, you are either going into a storm, in the middle of a storm or just came out of a storm.” That may sound a bit negative, but that does not make it any less true. It seems the storms of life seem to come one right after another. There are moments of sunshine between them for sure, but another one is always around the corner if we wait long enough.

Much like the meteorological storms, we also try to predict the storms in our life. Just like they do on the weather channel, we gather information. We look at patterns and past performances. Much like the conclusions on the weather channel, they are right…some of the time. We might be able to predict the storm, but that does little, if anything, to change the fact the storm is coming. They never try to change the weather on the weather channel. You never hear them say, “Everyone point your fan in one direction so we can pull up warmer air.” Trust me, I have thought of this. Why, in life, do we try to change the weather? We fight against the storms with other people. We fight against change itself. As if we can stop these things from happening.

We can spend an entire life doing our best to avoid or run from the storms in the ocean of life. They will find us or catch up to us at some point. That time would be much better spent learning to swim. What do I mean from that? If you know that eventually you will be in a storm, you really have two options. You can hope that the storm is easy, or that it passes you over entirely. Hope is a redeeming quality, but seldom a good strategy. Your other option is to learn skills that can help you not only survive the storm, but thrive in it. In other words, you can learn to swim.

Many of you might be thinking, “Ok, that makes sense. Next time that I see a storm coming, I will work on the skills that will help me make it through.” Let us return to our analogy of the weather. Does mother nature ever call you to ask, “I plan on raining this week. When would be good for you?” I am not sure how it works in your life, but mother nature must think the time I enjoy rain is when I have an outdoor activity planned. Just like the weather, the storms of life can pop up unexpectedly, at any time.

While being interviewed for the show Positively Milwaukee, I asked the question, “When is the best time to learn how to swim? When you are on the shore or when the boat is sinking?” Little did I know, only a year later I would benefit from my own advice. I had to undergo emergency open-heart surgery. The healthy lifestyle I had been living went a long way in helping me make it through that. Had I waited until I was told that I needed surgery to start living a healthy lifestyle, it would have been too late. The same is true in any challenge of life. The longer you wait to start preparing for the storms of life, the chance it will be too late increases. Start developing your skills today. The storm could come tomorrow. Take that swimming lesson today.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MY APPEARANCE ON THE SHOW “POSITIVELY MILWAUKEE”

ONE DAY AT A TIME ⏰️

This is a great and valuable reminder. All too often in life we spend too much time working on, and focused on the future. I am not saying you should not have plans and goals, but not to find yourself prisoner to them. What on earth does that mean? So glad you asked. Let us say you are trying to write the next best-selling book. (mine is due out in late spring/early summer so stay tuned) If you remain focused on the fact that your book is not finished and how much more you have to do, life will have a very stressful and not so fun feel to it. Instead, do your best to make what you write everyday the best it can be.

If you will permit me to mix my analogies, it is like building a brick wall. If your focus is on how to build the best brick wall it can be overwhelming. If, however, you focus on how to lay the perfect brick each and every time, you will look up one day to find you have built the perfect brick wall. Life is the same way. People are concerned with controlling their future. That is good. The best way to control the future is to make each day the best it can be. If we do that, it is like the brick wall. If we just think about making each day the best it can be, one day we will look up to see we have built the perfect life.

The best part about this way of living is it reduces your stress. If all you focus on is the 24 hours you are given, the burden seems lighter. If you work hard to make each day the best it can be, it often makes tomorrow that much easier. This holds true in your job, your family, your health and nearly every other aspect of your life. Do your best to make today the best it can be. It is your greatest insurance for a better tomorrow.