Tag: Self-Help

DEATH OF A PIRATE ☠️

There are many things that influence my writing ✍️ and life’s mission. It began with a feeling that I was missing the true meaning of life. The United States Postal Service, as it so often does, informed after 10 years of service my job would be all but eliminated. At that point,I realized my focus, and to a large part my identity, had been tied to my job and my material success in life. When that was being taken away, I also realized what a poor life I had created.

That forced me to take a long hard look at both what is important in life as well as what truly brings us joy. Those years of reading, listening and attending seminars resulted in the creation of my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. As I was writing this book it became clear that I was often the happiest when I was on vacation in the tropics. This should not seem like a shocking revelation, but it did bring up the question that would define the writing and work I was to do the rest of my life.

That question was this – How can you keep that vacation feeling all year long? When you are out shoveling snow in order to go to a job that drains your soul? How about stuck in traffic when you just want to be home with the love of your life. Two song lyrics and a smart ass response from a friend of mine helped provide some answers. The first lyric was from the band Kiss. The lyric was simply “You have to live like you’re on vacation.” While pondering that, I stopped into have lunch where a friend of mine worked. I asked her how her day was going. Her response? “You know. Living the dream right here at the ___”

The other lyric came from Jimmy Buffett, who sadly passed away at the age 76 yesterday. It was the song “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes”. It got me thinking about how different I felt stepping off the plane on a sun-drenched island 🏝 . Why did I feel so different and how can I bring that Attitude home with me? Listening to some of Mr. Buffett’s other songs offered clues to this laid-back beach state of mind.

It was attending a Jimmy Buffett concert that showed how people in the frozen state of Wisconsin kept that tropical state of mind. The parking lot of the concert was turned into a tropical paradise much like my trip to margaritaville, as documented in the picture above. There was people in swimwear. There was swimming pools full of rum drinks. Homemade beach signs and tropical colors everywhere.

Just to investigate further, I made a return trip to Jamaica and created as many memories as I could, including this one with another wonderful couple Margie and I met while we were down there.

The point of this is that we all need an escape. Whether it is writing about it in a song like Jimmy Buffett did, or even just listening to those songs. We need to escape, in whatever fashion we can, to the places that make us happy. It is not a luxury, but a necessity for our sanity. Where is your escape and how do you get there?

WHEN IT ALL GOES SOUTH, EXCEPT YOU

This was the temperature on the way to work this morning. Felt like a crisp fall day. I am more of a sunny summer kind of fellow. this time of year I feel my spirits start to drag a little. Still, I stay focused on the fact I am not driving in snow or ice…. yet.

Even though it is cold, my seasonal allergies have decided it is their season. I always find it remarkable how doing an activity while unable to breathe through your nose is that much more draining. It feels as though I am walking in quick sand. I’ve tried every medication and natural remedy I can think of, but still they persist

It can seem hard not to get a little down in the mouth when the world seems against you. This past week not only included the above drop in temperature and allergy mayhem, but a concussion and other serious injury. It seemed a period in my life when everything is going south but me! At this point in time down south, say in the islands with my lady, seems like a good remedy.

As the quote from Mr. Churchill says, we must never surrender. Bruce Springsteen and Corey Hart said something similar. I’ve decided a change in perception is what is needed. I’m going to look at this the same way I do the gym. The struggle today will give me the strength I need tomorrow. Who knows, I might learn something along the way. What do you do when your life seems upside down?

DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON 😏

I hesitated at choosing the title of this post. It sounds a bit too much like those scam videos we are all sent on social media. Speaking of the fine art of online communications, I am here to propose an idea. Stop your scrolling for a second and ponder the question above? Do you know anyone who is sunshine in human form? I’m sure we all do.

I’m going to mention a few, as I am grateful 🙏 enough to have many in my life. There is my mother. Always up for an adventure. This is especially true if it has to do with walking in nature. As you can see, it also could involve October fest too.

There is my friend Shannon. We have known each other for… well… let’s just say for a good number of years. 😉 We also shared a lot of walks in nature great conversations and an even better connection.

Raymon (far left) is another great example. Here he is with his wonderful wife, attending my recent charity book event. Raymon is someone who genuinely listens to understand and is a very thoughtful and caring person.

This list would not be complete without my lovely lady. Margie can turn a dark day sunny with just a smile. She always does more than that. The other day, when I was having a hard day, she room me out to lunch and made sure to put a smile back on my face. She really is my sunshine!

How about you? Is there someone in your life that can brighten even the darkest of days? Who are they? Maybe leave a little comment of appreciation on their social media. Take them out for lunch a cup of coffee or a walk in nature. Get around them and soak up the sun!

HOW THEY TREAT YOU

Today was a tough day at the day job. I had just finished what I was working on and one of my coworkers walked right through it and ruined it. This was despite the fact that I had a sign posted alerting passers-by that the section was temporarily closed. Assuming that she might be challenged when it came to literacy, I politely asked if next time she saw that sign, she could please walk around the area. In what can only be described as a very condescending time, she glared and said, “No.”

I was a bit dumbfounded as I have never treated this lady with anything but kindness and respect. I also was raised to respect everyone so her behavior was just not what I was used to. She even asked the boss later, “Why should I respect him?” Clearly, this young lady could benefit from reading my favorite book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

This is not a post about how poorly people treat one another, or how we should respect everyone. No, it is about a mistake I made following this interaction. It also is about having a system in place to address and correct that mistake.

First the mistake. I let this lady’s behavior really affect me. It rather upset my day. When the person who usually makes everyone else happy is unhappy, that didn’t help the overall vibe of the office for the day. This lady, in which should be no surprise, seemed not to care at all.

I know you should not let others control your emotional state. I even teach tools to that effect. You know what else I am? Human. That means in spite of all the knowledge I both have and teach, on occasion life will get the best of me. Especially when someone’s behavior is so out of line in catches me off guard.

Knowledge of tools for success is what saved me from the rest of this day. One of them is surrounding yourself with other people who are passionate about learning to improve themselves. Another one is to foster relationships that allow you both to share knowledge and feelings freely with each other.

To this end, I had several folks which included family, friends and more courteous coworkers, to remind me of what I already know. It is fatal to put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. Life happens and we are all human. We will forget what we know and make mistakes. That is why it is important to surround ourselves with people who can give us that reminder of what is important and what we should be doing.

HOW TO AVOID THE DANGER FACING EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND FALL MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER BEFORE! ❤️

Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.

The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.

Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.

The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?

CHANGE THE CONVERSATION 🗣

Last post we discussed the magic we can create in our lives when we return the childhood act of finding the beauty that is all around us. If you haven’t read that, I highly suggest you do. When we are starting to make note of all the beautiful things that we might be missing in life, it can be helpful to at least start the habit alone. Once you see how much happier you are and how much more energy you have you will want to share this with everyone you care about! It would even help, sometimes to a greater extent, those people you find it difficult to be around. That is exactly what we are going to suggest you do in this post!

As tempting as sharing your new way of going through life may be, I suggest waiting for a little bit. The reason being, that some people could resist change, especially before they see the result. What is more amusing, I speak from personal experience, is to interject some of the beautiful things you have seen into your conversations with this person. When they are filling you will information about the latest violent crime or political happenings, just throw in the anecdote about how you had a nice saying written on your coffee cup you picked up in the drive thru or about a particularly charming garden you happen to see as you were driving. Initially, these may be swept aside after a brief acknowledgement. That’s to be expected. Many people do not know, and often feel uncomfortable, carrying on a positive conversation.

This may seem deflating initially. Especially in the beginning. Remember, these people have been programed, as we all have, to notice and concentrate on the negative in life. Do not be discouraged. Notice it, have an inward chuckle, and share a little bit more of the beauty you have discovered. Slowly, maybe after several meetings, they will stop resisting the positive elements you bring to the conversation. They may even feel compelled to share one of their own. They may realize, “I am meeting Neil for coffee today. I know he will have some positive thing to share. I guess I better have something to share as well.” Before you know it, they may even bring up positive elements to discuss. In this way, they will be helping you to remember to continue to focus on the beauty and magic in life.

There is one more very important reason to develop this habit of positive conversation. That reason is that adding positivity to anyone’s life, could literally be a lifesaver! We never know how our interactions can affect someone’s life. Let us make sure that they are positive ones. Sharing one more depressing news item, or one negative thing about the world at large, can push someone over the edge. The opposite is also true. Adding some positive conversation or some beauty and magic to someone’s life may change their entire day. It may also save their life if they are on that edge. Something we may often never know. Why take that chance? Make sure what you share with the world, and those it, is positive. The best way to do that? Use the tips discussed in this, and the post before it, to transform your life to one of beauty and magic!

NEVER STOP DOING THIS! ✋️

One of the saddest things that seems to happen as we age is that we lose an appreciation for the magic and beauty of life. It is no surprise. When we are young, most of the things we are exposed to offer an encouraging motif. Think of children’s programing. Most of it is a blend of encouragement of teaching and encouraging. I recall shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood when I was young. I learned a lot, but there were also positive messages about myself, others and the world around me.

What happens as we get older? What we are exposed to takes a decidedly negative shift. News, crime shows, content on the internet and even that sent to our phones. Is the answer to stop using technology? Limiting our use of it may help somewhat, but that will not save us from interacting with other people. What are these other people exposed to? That’s right. The same negative influences we just mentioned. If you even attempt to be a light in this dark world, you will often be looked at as strange, weird or delusional. People will tell you things such as “You are looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.” or my favorite, “You just have your head in the sand. Can’t you see how bad the world is?”

What can we do to remedy this malady? Start doing something we may have stopped doing in childhood. That is looking for the beauty and magic that is all around us! It may not get the press and attention, but it is there. On social media, try subscribing to positive news stories and motivational pages. On your cell phone, download apps that send you motivational quotes everyday. These things really do exist! As for the sunshine-challenged people we share the planet with? Know most of them have just lost their ability to see the magic all around them. When they give you a crazy look or attack you, pity them. There life is one stuck in the darkness. In addition, add people who have the opposite mindset. Spend as much time around them as possible!

When you are looking to improve your life, it is always easer to add the positive than to eliminate the negative. You might want to read that line again. If you are trying to eat healthier, it would be easier to add a healthy meal than to starve yourself of meals that are not so healthy. The more you fill up on healthy food, the less room you will have for junk food. The same is true with everything in life. The more time you spend reading or listening to something inspiring is that much less time you could find yourself exposed to negativity. Adding smiles? Less time frowning. One minute of laughter? 60 seconds less of anger!

In regards to today’s post, spend more time actively looking for beautiful things in life. The more time you spend doing so, the less time you will spend noticing and dwelling on the negative. That doesn’t mean you are ‘burying your head in the sand’ and pretending they don’t exist. No, you are simply choosing not to dwell on them. As an example, above is my coffee as it was served to me at the pick up window at Starbucks. Not sure which employee took the time to do this, but it added a little brightness to my day. As I was in that sunny mood, I noticed the dandelion growing through a crack in the pavement right next to a dumpster. Proof that there is always a little light in the darkness. When we are children, we don’t have to look for the magic. It seems to show up at every turn. As adults, we need to train ourselves to get back to that. This may mean a little concentrated effort searching for the beauty in life. Done enough, it will start to show up in your life everywhere.

Another great idea is to keep images around you that remind you of the beauty you have and are currently experiencing in your own life. Above is a sample of mine. Great times with the beautiful love of my life, Margie. My mom celebrating Octoberfest. There is fun times watching a pig race at the Wisconsin State Fair and a very beautiful and loving sentiment that Margie wrote in the sand while we were enjoying time away in Jamaica. This not only reminds me of the beauty and magic in my life, it adds what could be the most powerful thing to create an amazing life. That one thing is gratitude. How could I not be grateful for all of these things? Being grateful and looking for all the beauty that is around us will positively transform our lives. Next post we will learn how to take all of this information and not only help others transform their lives, but create an almost automatic way to fill our lives with these things! Please come back tomorrow to learn all of that!

WHEN LIFE TESTS YOU…😕

When doing a little research for this blog post, I came across this quote. I really like the point it makes. In life, it is never fun to run into ties that challenge you. After vacation, I was looking to get back into my fitness routine. With only two hours notice, the gym I went to decided to close. No advance notice to either their members or their employees! (Not good business Xperience Fitness) Joining a new gym is a rather trying and stressful thing for me. You have to find one relatively close, with the amenities you are looking for and at a reasonable cost. For the next several weeks, I pondered and could not make up my mind.

It was not until a chance conversation with my mother, who was also victim to this gym closer, did a solution occur to me. She mentioned finding out if my insurance had any fitness club benefits. Back story, I have had this insurance since 2002 and never thought of looking into that. It turns out that I can join two different gyms for less than the price I was paying for one. (Welcome VASA and Planet Fitness) Not only will I be back on track to be physically stronger, but the same can be said about my finances. It also gave me a sense of accomplishment to get this all sorted out.

I think another reason life tests you is to strengthen your commitment. Here I was finally all set up with not only one new gym, but two! Ready to work out. I was also looking at a little more free time and eager to start my fourth book. Then….BAM! Literally! I wacked my head into the corner of a metal shelf. There goes time at the gym and staring at a computer screen. I finally had the gym, the time and the urge to start my fourth book. Instead, I was sitting at home with blood coming out of my head and a concussion.

This could have went two ways. I could have threw my hands up in the air and said, “I guess I am not supposed to work out or write that book!” or I could have used it to increase my desire for it that much more. Like a kid who is told he has to wait to open his gift until the next morning. You can just see the desire building. Life challenges are much like a parent telling us we have to wait to open our gifts. That is the goals we are chasing. Know when life gives you a challenge, it is not a denial, it is just a delay. A chance to strengthen your character and your commitment!

DON’T FORGET THIS TOOL AT YOUR DISPOSAL 🔨🪛🛠

Music is certainly something that can change our emotional state. You put your headphones 🎧 on at the gym to get fired up. You hear a song and think of someone you love, or even someone you miss. Often these moments happen by chance. We hear a song while driving in the car. A song is playing while we are shopping or eating in a restaurant.

Don’t forget, you can use this intentionally. In my first 2 books I advocate creating a happy Playlist. That is a collection of songs that put you in a positive mental state. That way when stress comes, all you have to do is push play and you have a little help getting back to a happier place.

If you haven’t read either of my first 2 books, or this idea is new to you, I suggest getting started on it today. Create a Playlist on your phone, your iPad or wherever else you can. Music is a great tool. Let us use it to our advantage!

NO IT DOESN’T SUCK! 🍭

The other day, I had one of those days. You know the ones. A day where everything that could go wrong, does go wrong. In fact, even some things that I did not know could go wrong, went wrong! I worked for hours on a press release only to discover it was the wrong format and would not work. I wrote a really nice blog and published it only to discover I forgot to save the second half before I pushed “publish”. This means it was deleted and now I had a half-written blog out there. At the end of this day, I was finally home relaxing and about to eat dinner on the porch with Margie. I had a can of sparkling green tea. I pulled the tab and can you guess what happened? Nothing! The tab came off and the can was still closed. I stared in disbelief at the can that had added its own bit of betrayal to my already trying day. Did I scream or shout? Did I get disgusted and start to complain about one more thing going wrong? No. I laughed hard and long.

It is not that I am delusional or like a day filled with personal inconveniences. I just knew that getting upset about being betrayed by a can of green tea would only add stress to my life. It would not even help me open the can. Which I did with the end of my fork so I would not add cutting my hand to the challenges of the day. Did my day suck? I guess you could say so. Events turned out the opposite of the way I was hoping it would.

Whenever I have a day that goes south of expectations, I am reminded of something the great Les Brown said. He said, “Never say you are having a terrible day. Say you are having a character building day.” To some of you this may sound like a positive thinking, splitting hairs way of looking at things. To some extent, it is. That is life though. Your language goes a long way to determining your attitude. The only thing we have complete control over is ourselves and our way of looking at the world. Getting upset over situations in which we have no control makes as much sense as trying to keep the sun from setting. (An event I may have tried when I was younger) If you are finding things in your life that seem to suck, remember you have complete control over how you look at your life and the things in it. With a change in your attitude, and an increase in your gratitude, life can feel a whole lot better. Even if your can of green tea doesn’t open on the first try.