Last night, Margie and I stopped at Olive Garden. Certainly not my favorite Italian restaurant, but it would do nicely when you are craving some pasta. We had a wonderful server and a very nice and filling meal.
The most impactful thing for me happened before we were even seated. Waiting for a table in the lobby we were seated next to a family that had a child between 1 and 2 years old. Suddenly, that child spotted another around the same age and took off running.
As the two children stopped in front of each other and stared, the adults looked on. These children did not know each other, were of different races and were not introduced to each other. Before long they were running around the lobby following each other.
Such a simple and heartwarming event. It was their innocence that allowed them to do something most adults struggle with. Walk up to a stranger, one who looks different than you, and just start sharing life with them. They found bliss in the moment. I think that is something we lose along the way that would be worth finding.
This should be of no shock to anyone, but we live in a rather crazy world. Between the news outlets and the advertising budgets, we are bombarded with notifications 24/7! We were always taught that technology would give us so much free time, but it often gives us more stress. That is not to say there isn’t wonderful things technology does for us, but I am not sure about all of that free time.
That is why it is so important to ‘water ourselves’ with the items above. Keep the mental health up and the stress level down. Have you thought about, or do you do any of the above on a regular basis? Do you love yourself? Do you practice self-belief? How about patience? Hope? Do you have actions to help you develop or experience these things? It might be a wise idea to print out, or write down, those words and have fun finding ways to work them into your daily life. I would love to hear some of your ideas!
Another piece of information that seems like a no-brainer. How easy does it get lost in the whirlwind of emotion? If there is a person that is always upsetting you and stressing you out, get far away from them. Some of you might be saying, “It is my boss, my mother or my friend. I can’t just walk away.” I am here to tell you that you can indeed walk away. If you are sacrificing your emotional well-being as to not offend them, you need to make yourself more of a priority.
We certainly cannot just up and quit our jobs or turn our back on family, can we? If it is causing you enough grief, then you must do what you need to do. At the very least, there are two action steps that will make this a lot easier on you and end up with a healthier state of mind. First, have the hard conversation. Tell them how you feel. This does not mean blaming or unloading on the person. That will only add to the stress. Explain your desire to maintain whatever level of relationship you desire, but that you have boundaries and what stresses you out. Be willing to listen to their side of the story. At the same time, have an action plan in case the conversation does not yield the desired results. Begin looking for that new job, or be emotionally preparing yourself to live life without that person.
On occasion, after your absence, the person may realize how important your mental health is and may have a greater desire to return to your life without stressing you out. Sometimes they will not. Sometimes they may even tell others what a terrible person you are for having boundaries and standing up for them. They, of course, will not word it that way. Usually in a way that paints you in a negative light. Be ready for that. It is often an unfair price to pay, but one well worth the stress you will be losing. Do not give people the opportunity to hurt or stress you out. A snake cannot bite you if you do not go near it. Keep that image in your mind as you go through this process. You may find it helpful. Also remember you deserve a peaceful life. Give it to yourself.
For those of you who follow this blog, you might know Eduardo. He is a member of this community from Italy. His comments on what is written here I feel often surpass even what is written! Eduardo has a brilliant ability to say in only a few lines what can take paragraphs for others to explain. His insight, thoughtfulness and love of rock-n-roll make him one of my favorite people to hear from He just came out with his own book and I cannot wait to read it.
Let us get back to today’s comment we are looking at. I want to focus on the last part of that comment. “Too much planning amounts to treating the present moment as an obstacle to endure on the road to somewhere else.” What a powerful statement. How many of us fail to be present because we are too busy being depressed about the past or worried about the future? Our mind is always preparing for ‘what is next’ while life passes us by. When we are at work, we wish we were home. When we are home, we are concerned about what has to be done when we return to the office.
I do not know who said it, but someone once said, “Work when you work and play when you play.” How simple that sounds, but how easy it is to forget. In an age of constant distraction, remaining present is nothing less than a super power. I suggest practicing this. How? By spending just five focused minutes to start out. Sit with a picture of a loved one. This works best if you have a printed picture so you do not receive a million notifications while doing so. You can always turn on the ‘do not disturb’ button on your phone, or set it to airplane mood. Now that you have the picture, spend 5 minutes pondering how wonderful this person is and all the reasons you are grateful for them. You can recall memories, how much you love their smile or their sense of humor. Just stay present and focused on that person.
You can even set a timer to alert you when the time is up. It may seem like forever at first, but you will get used to it. Then slowly lengthen the time. 10 minutes or 30! It does not always have to be staring at a photo. It can be reading a book. Looking at the beauty of nature. You will find as your ability to stay present increases, so does your appreciation for the amazing life you have.
It is with a great sense of compassion that I write this. It is true that a lot of people are victims of not knowing what they do not know. In today’s world, unless you live in a dictatorship, you have access to more information that the richest and most powerful had just a few years ago. If you think in any way this sounds condescending, let me assure you that I can use myself as an example.
Before the year 2000, my life was a mess. My relationships, my career and my health. There was no direction to my life. Self-improvement? That was something I heard about in passing. My childhood consisted more of a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” sort of thing. Studying the power of the subconscious mind or the importance of taking care of your mental health? Never was a topic discussed. Let us face it, the public education system when I grew up was worried more about you finding the surface area of an ellipse than how to manage your stress and find direction in your life.
The point was that I was ignorant. How do we go from there to someone who teaches seminars on self-improvement, has a daily blog and three published books on the subject? It all began with a Tony Robbins infomerical. Yes, it was 3am and I was getting ready for work and you could get a ‘free trail’ if you called now. So, half asleep, I did call. It was so long ago that I was sent a tape cassette. I listened to that thing over and over again. I have come across many great sources sense that day, but Tony had, and still does, a great talent for speaking directly to the person listening.
The whole story is chronicled in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. After much hard work and the influence of my beautiful lady, Margie, my life is one I am happy and proud to live. Is there work to do? Of course. David Goggins (I told you there were more influences) puts it best, “There is no finish line.” Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey. Matthew McConaughey says his hero is him 10 years from now. Meaning the more enlightened and knowledgeable version of himself.
The key thing to getting started is knowing that nobody is coming to save you. You have to put in the effort. If you do not know what to do, go to the library, go online and get the information. Take the actions and get started. Where you started from does not matter. What you do about it is what counts!
In life, so many people do their best to put us down and keep us down. It can be for our race, our beliefs or just because they are not so pleasant people. It can be quite dispiriting. What can you do in those situations?
One solution that works in every case is to work on being the healthiest version of ourself. This is multifaceted and gives us plenty to work on while we deal with our challenges. Our health consists of physical, mental and spiritual or emotional health. When we have these in order, we are poised for success. The more we work on them, the better our potential.
There are so many ways to work on our health. It can be our diet and eating better. It can be engaging in physical fitness. It can be meditation to heal from trauma. It can be learning to change our mindset to better reflect the life we wish to live.
Do not let the world get you down. When it is doing its best to try, work hard on yourself and your health. That is both your physical, mental and emotional or spiritual health. You will come out stronger no matter what challenge you are facing.
This may seem a little contrary, but stick with us. There are so many people that spend their entire life in the planning phase that life passes them by. When they are ready to put their plans in action they are too old or life has provided a reason not to do it. It could be a health challenge or a situational change.
Life should be a balance of planning and action. Do not let life pass you by while you are planning to start it.
Monday can be tough for all of us. It can start Sunday night. A tightening on the stomach knowing the work week is one alarm clock away. It is important to remember that picturing the best can help eliminate a lot of that anxiety.
It doesn’t have to be limited to Monday or work for that matter. In any situation, imagine the best case scenario. It did not cost anything and can reduce stress and increase joy.
Most of you reading this will be tempted to say, “I would not like suffering at all.” That would be an ideal life. It is also quite unrealistic. In everyone’s life, there is suffering. We do not get to choose when, or what kind we get.
What we do have a choice of is what we do with that suffering. We can grow from suffering. Like the mythical phoenix rising from the ashes. The other option is to let it destroy us. Shatter our hopes and dreams.
Suffering gives us few options. The one that we do have is a powerful one. That is what we decide the meaning of that suffering will be.
Take a look around you. Wherever you happen to be reading this. It could be while getting your morning coffee. It could be in break at work or right before you go to bed. Feel free to share when you usually read this website.
Even if you happen to be reading this while waiting for the dentist, this holds true. If you look around there will be something you are grateful for. It could be that morning coffee you are making. It could be the coworker you get along with. If it is at night, your soft pillow is something worth gratitude. Even at the dentist, you could be grateful for the exit door!
I would recommend doing this several times a day. It not only increases gratitude, but gives a feeling of peace and tranquility in a often hectic world. I would love to hear both what time of day you read this site as well as what you are grateful for around you right now!
