It sure does sting when we are disrespected, doesn’t it? Unwarranted personal attacks can hurt for a long time. The first response can be to respond in kind, or even with greater ferocity. We can spend time and energy sharpening our wit to better prepare for the next unexpected insult.
In what is now my 51 years on the planet I have learned this is not only a waste of time, but it steals time from actions that could propel our life to the next level. A far better option is to work hard to create a life that is difficult to attack. It is better for our stress level as well as improving our life.
I understand it can sure feel good to ‘get back at’ someone who disrespects you. What did you get out of that? A momentary feeling of satisfaction? You also gave validation and satisfaction to the person who disrespected you. Yes, you may have said something clever, or made them look foolish. Meanwhile, your reaction gave them satisfaction and took valuable time and focus away from improving your own life.
Next time you are the recipient of disrespect, or an unwarranted attack, walk away. It is not only an option, it is the best option.
I love this quote! Seeing that there is a different way to live can help you level up. Travel does a lot of useful things. It helps us overcome bigotry. Most hate stems from a good deal of ignorance. If you were to get to know how different people and cultures lived, you would find yourself more compassionate and accepting of your neighbors on this planet.
Travel also helps us appreciate all of the things that we do have and enlighten us to that which we can make better. If more people traveled, we could share this very knowledge with each other and work together to make this world a better place even quicker. Travel can be expensive and often difficult. With technology, we can connect with others across the globe easier than ever. We can also visit far away lands and learn about their people.
The internet has caused its fair share of issues. One way in which it can be a benefit to humans is to help connect us with others that we might not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet. We can learn different cultures and what they bring to the world. We can try different recipes and find dishes we enjoy. It can open our eyes to new forms of celebration. It can show us different ways to celebrate our love. In other words, it can show us that our way of living is not the only one available to us. Why not travel today? Literal or virtual.
Just a quick reminder, if you find yourself stressed and overwhelmed, it might be time to take a walk in nature. Not only has nature been shown to provide many physical and psychological benefits. These include, but are not limited to increased oxygen, increased cardiovascular activity and am increase in overall well-being.
There is something else that we hopefully do. That is slow down. Walking through nature is not just to see how fast it far you can go. It is not just about counting steps. It is about counting moments and discoveries.
Some of the things are mentioned in the photo above. If you have a smart phone, which most of us do, you can use Google to identify plants, trees, birds and insects. You will increase your knowledge while reducing your stress. What could be better?
When it comes to becoming the best version of yourself, Charles Bukowski is not the first name that may come to mind. Like yours truly, he worked for the United States Postal Service. He also shared some of the same opinions of it. He was a drunk and a generally unpleasant person. All of that being said, he does have a good point here. Our mortality should be a great motivation for people to come together. Either they ignore it, put it out of their minds or do not believe death will happen to them. As if they are not subject to the same laws of biology the rest of us are.
When a rather cynical coworker of mine discovered that I also write self-improvement material and am a student of the same, he had an opinion he felt the need to express. “What is the use of trying to improve yourself. We are all just lemmings falling off a cliff. We are all going to die.” I could not argue with him on the last part. Whether we look like a lemming has more to do with who are parents are than how we live our life. This fatalistic view of the world is one that unfortunately far too many people hold. If we are lemmings falling off a cliff, I would argue the point of life is to have the most fun on the way down. You can only have the best life if you are the best version of yourself. That is the entire purpose of self-improvement.
One of the ways in which to improve our life is to embody this quote from old Charlie above. We are all going to die. Do not take too much personally. Do not get hung up on trivial matters. The more rules you have for your enjoyment of life, the less enjoyable your life will be. Instead of finding ways and things in which to be upset, look for and find ways in which to enjoy life. The same holds true for your neighbor. If you want to find reasons to hate your neighbor, you can find them. If you want to find reasons you should invite your neighbor over for a BBQ and a laugh, you will find that too. It is all in what you are looking for.
Charles was right about one thing, we are all going to die. We should use this as motivation. Our time is slipping away right before our eyes. We should find as many ways to drain as much joy out of life as we can. The best way in which we can do that is becoming the best version of ourselves. The best way to have the most enjoyable time with others is to understand that one day we will run out of that time. Use it to laugh. Use it to love. Use it to connect.
The other morning at my day job I was listening to a motivational podcast. Many people ask, “Why after almost 2 decades in the self-improvement field and writing four books and publishing three, do you still listen to self-improvement material?” The answer is quite simple. You can never know everything. There is new information being brought to light all of the time. Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey. There is no finish line.
Another, and perhaps more applicable, reason to listen to different motivational material is that it is presented in a different way. That is why you can have so many successful people in this field. A lot of their messages are the same. What is different is how it is delivered. You may hear something said by Tony Robbins and it may not resonate with you at all. Someone else may tell you the exact same tool or strategy, but in a different manner and you get it. The same holds true for those of us delivering those messages. That was what happened on this particular day.
The saying I heard is one that may be of use to you. Your personality creates your personal reality. To be honest, I do not even recall which person said this. Looking at the way it is worded, I would guess it is Tony Robbins, but I could be wrong. Who said it matters less than what we can do with this. In the two photos above, we see both what makes up a personality and how we can use our personality to fit into a career that would be most beneficial for us. Neither of these are complete lists, but it sure gets you thinking.
Let us take a look at a more personal example that I think will help this make a little more sense. At the afore-mentioned day job, we have a gentleman who stops in every morning. We will call this man ‘red truck guy’ as that is what he drives. His purpose for coming in? The best that we can figure is that he comes in to complain about his life. He comes in before the business is open and gives us a graphic description of how everyone in his life is incompetent in some fashion and how they are all out to get him. This is not an exaggeration. After several minutes, which seems longer, of complaining he departs. Here is the thing, this man creates the life he complains about. He has negative opinions about people based on about every factor you can imagine. He treats them as he views them. Then he acts surprised when these same people treat him negatively. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Our personality is reflected back to us in the life we live. If our personality is warm and welcoming, that is how the world treats us. If, like in the example of our unfortunate fellow above, we find reasons to dislike our fellow man, life will be a negative experience for us. It is a reflection of the 2000 year-old emerald tablet. This said “That which is below is like that which is above.” Many of us have heard the saying, “As within, so without.” That is how our personality reflects our personal reality. Does this mean if you have a pleasant personality your life will not experience any difficulty? Of course not. You will have a life that will be a lot better to deal with those challenges. It will be filled with a lot more loving and supportive souls to assist you on that journey.
Last post we discussed growing pains and why they just might be the key to success. If you haven’t read that yet, it just might be worth a look. Today we are going to talk about your diet. If you want better health, it should not shock too many of you that you need a better diet. Certainly the nutrients that you put into your body will determine how much energy you have, how well your immune system functions and even how good your mood is on any day. The food we eat can play a far more impactful role in our life than we may think. That is why our diet should be one of the first things we focus on. There is one aspect of your diet you may not have considered.
Your diet is a lot more than what you eat. It is also what you watch, listen to and read as the picture above says. Have you watched a movie and it puts you in a certain frame of mind? We all know music can help change our state. In my first two books, I give you a great tool to take advantage of this. Now science is starting to show how certain music can help assist the body in healing itself, strengthen the immune system and a great many other processes. What we read and expose ourselves to can influence our state of mind. Do you know those folks who listen to political talk radio all of the time and are always in a good mood? Yeah, me neither.
There are people I like to listen to when I want to get motivated. There are movies I like to watch when I want to laugh. That is true in all of our lives. It is a wise person who notes these ‘dietary’ elements and makes use of them. There are things that we can eat that make us sick (anchovies for me) There are also things that we can eat that we just do not enjoy. (Cauliflower here) We are usually pretty good and taking note of this. Somehow those people whose company brings us down we still hang around. That talk show that always fills us with anger and hate for our fellow humans, that is what we listen to on the way to work. Why?
When looking to get healthy, we must look at all aspects of our ‘diet’. We must also make use of all of them. Add what is healthy and remove that which is bad for our health. That health can be physical, mental or spiritual. We must look at the whole person and the whole diet. There are so many opportunities to improve our health, why not take advantage of as many of them as we can?
Have you ever heard the phrase “Growing comforts”? Everyone, however, knows about “growing pains”. That is because growth can be painful. It is almost always difficult. Do you wish to grow in your life? In your career? Do you want to grow the love and the passion with your spouse? Do you want to improve the quality in all of your other relationships? How about improving your health? I am guessing if you read a site called Secret2anamazinglife.com, the answer would be ‘yes’ to all of the above.
Here is where the irony comes in. Everyone wants growth. It is natural. You would like your health to be better. You would like you and your spouse to have a closer and stronger bond. You would like to move ahead in your career. If we all want growth, and we all agree that there are ‘growing pains’, why do so many of us seek a life of comfort? The irony is this – if you seek a life of comfort and ease, it will come back to bite you in the end. Les Brown said it best when he gave us the equation, “If you do what is easy life will be hard, but if you do what is hard, life will be easy.”
Every improvement in our life will take our time, our energy and self-discipline. These things are seldom easy. If we are to seek and do just the things that are easy and give us pleasure, our life will begin to suffer. If you do not put the time and effort into growing the love and connection between you and your spouse, it will not stay the same, it will begin to fade. If you are always looking to cut corners at work, do you think your career path will improve? When the company needs to downsize, who will be at the top of their list? If you do not have the self-discipline when it comes to your health, how long before your body begins to fail you? Sure, it is more pleasurable to not exercise and just eat all of the food that tastes good, but where will that leave our health in five or ten years? You know exactly where you will be.
It is for these reasons that you should choose the path of improvement not the path of ease. There may be some growing pains, but there will be growth.
As you look at the title and photo above, many thoughts and questions may come to mind. What does pleasure and perspective have to do with the Lone Ranger? How do either of these things help me with my life? Before we unpack all of that, I want to tell you how this post and this comparison came to be. I want to do that by asking you a question. Have you ever had a childhood memory that is particularly vivid and you cannot understand why? You find yourself asking, “Why on earth did my brain remember this out of everything?” If you are anything like me, you spend far too much time trying to come up with a deeper meaning behind it. As if your brain knows something you do not. Try to wrap your head around that thought.
Here is my memory. When I was a very young child, I would spend the occasional day by my great aunt’s house. Her name was Rose. Lovely lady. That being said, as a very young child, there was not much to do there. It was more an adult place to be. After I was a little older and learned how to play cards, I became a little more interesting to the adults. Prior to this occurrence, there was one way they endeavored to keep the children entertained. There was a wooden box in the garage. In this box there was a handful of mismatched toys. Out of all of them, I can only recall three. There was 2 cap guns. Seldom did these ever include actual caps. They were a gleaming pewter with what was supposed to look like pearl handles. There was also a plastic horse. It was a poor man’s Lone Ranger play set. It could have actually left over from a Lone Ranger set for all I know. When I was young, these were so cool. My cousin and I would create many adventures and both try to be the first to get the guns. Seldom would they be shared. You either had two guns, or you had none. The horse was limited in its entertainment value for two young boys,
Actual family photo from that time
Above is a photo from my great aunt’s house during this time. She is in the front with a scarf on her head. Bonus points if you can pick out a young best-selling author in the photo. After my great uncle passed we seemed to visit the house less. Also, after learning the card games the adults played, when I was there I joined them at the table instead of going to the garage to look for the wooden box. Years passed and I found myself back there. I went into the garage and found the wooden box. The guns and horse did not hold any allure. In addition, the ‘giant’ hill that we conquered with said firearms, was a lot smaller than I had remembered.
I am sure this happens with a lot of our childhood memories. Things look one way when you are four or five, they look quite a bit different when you are forty-five. The lesson that I took from this is that once upon a time, three simple items held the spirit of adventure that could last an entire afternoon. As the brain became more complex and the imagination more dull, they became nothing more than childhood playthings. In reflection, is this why children seem to enjoy life far more than adults? Is this why we can seem to get a burst of energy and enthusiasm when we play with a young child? Perhaps that is the secret to an amazing life?
When was the last time you used your imagination? Can you find an afternoon of entertainment from simple objects? With the advent of streaming services and online gaming, this can seem quaint to some of you. Having the ability to use your imagination to escape reality, if even for a little while, could be considered a super power in this day and age. Why not try having a little adult playtime today? It could relieve stress and increase enthusiasm!
The future. It can be a scary prospect. It can be a difficult project you have coming up. Maybe you have a presentation to give at work you are nervous about? There are difficult conversations we must have. To the basic Monday morning dread some of us feel.
There are 2 ways of looking at this dread, in my opinion. The first is that the future will come whether we want it to our not. No amount of dread or feeling nervous will change that. In fact, the more we get worked up about it, the more we are extending the pain of the event. It will still come, and may very well be difficult. Why add to that by sacrificing the time leading up to it?
The second, and perhaps more productive, way of looking at this is to use it as motivation. If you are nervous to give a talk at work, use that energy to be as prepared as possible. Monday morning dread? Use that feeling to find ways to bring as much joy as your can to your morning. That could involve buying a special coffee to enjoy on the way to work to five minutes of gratitude focus first thing in the morning.
As Marcus Aurelius said above, we will meet the future with the same weapons of reason we have today. If that thought is not reassuring, then work to improve your weapons of reason. Otherwise, do your best to relax and enjoy and be grateful for the present.
This reminds me of another saying that you can’t reach your destination unless you are brave enough to lose sight of the shore. Either way, the point is the same. When we are striving to create a better life for ourselves, and thus become a better version of ourselves, there are often things about our current life and self that we must give up.
People can get a little funny about this. Giving up an aspect of your life, or yourself, can make you feel like there is something wrong with the current version. Perhaps it is that wording that is too harsh. What we must be honest with is how dedicated to that new life we are. If we are looking to become healthy but are unwilling to quit having ice cream at 10pm every night, how dedicated to our health are we? We want to be more productive, but we can’t give up binge watching television for 3 hours? How much do we really want to be productive?
It can get even trickier when we think about who we share life with. Are you working on leaving alcohol behind, but can’t imagine not hanging out with your childhood friend who parties every night and is hung over every morning? How dedicated to being sober are you? Trying to work on getting fit but still hanging out with people who tell you it’s OK to skip the gym. How dedicated to your fitness are you?
Here is the important thing to consider. There is nothing inherently wrong with ice cream right before bed, going out drinking every night or skipping the gym. It boils down to what kind of life you want to live. What do you want it to look like? You might have to sacrifice some pleasures and some people. It doesn’t mean they are wrong. It just means they don’t fit into the life you are trying to create.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 