Tag: Self-Help

THE SINGLE BEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT ACTIVITY 😁

Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.

The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.

Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.

We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.

There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with. Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!

IF YOU WIN THIS RACE, YOU STILL LOSE 😢

I heard Myles Munroe say something the other day that really resonated with me. “Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat.” How many of us spend our lives pushing for more? The ironic thing is that we are pushing for more of the wrong things. Are we looking for more time with those we love? No. Are we pushing for more health and vitality? Usually not. In modern society it is all about who has the most and who looks the best. Can you imagine what would happen if you had both of these? Really imagine it for a second. You are the wealthiest and best looking person on the planet. Now what?

You could buy a nice house and car. You could vacation and live wherever you like. Everything would be perfect right? Not so much. You would constantly be wondering if people really cared for you or was it just for you looks and money. You would doubt everyone’s love for you. In some cases, this would be a legitimate concern. You may fear losing your wealth and looks. “Is my hair thinning?” “Does the scale really say I gained that much weight?” “My investments lost how much?” You may even be concerned that someone may have become wealthier or better looking than you. Sounds shallow, but if that is your goal, it may also be your concern.

The secret to winning the rat race is to get out of it. I am not advocating quitting your job and wandering around aimlessly. Instead, focus on purpose and power in your life. When I talk about power, I do not mean in the corporate or material sense. Power over yourself. Power as in being a positive influence for good in the world. Create that kind of power. Speaking of good in the world, altruism is a great way to overcome the rat race. The helping of others can give us the purpose that can set us free.

There are two more things that can help you leave the rat race behind. We speak about them here ad nauseam, but that is because they are so powerful. The first one you probably guessed is gratitude. Instead of striving to obtain all of the things you do not have, try feeling thankful for all you do have. This simple shift will have a host of benefits. It will have you feeling abundance instead of lack. It will slow life down and bring you a great deal of joy. It will also lead you to a greater deal of inner peace. Which leads us to our next point. If you still feel the need to work towards something, make that something peace. Find what gives you inner peace and not what satisfies a desire.

In our point about winning the rat race, you can see it is really no win at all. It will leave you with a life of stress, doubt and chaos. This is not to say that you should not try to improve your life or your standing. Absolutely do that. Just do not do it at the detriment of what is truly important. You should enjoy your journey and it should not be a race. In the race to an amazing life, let us all cheer for each other to win. Let us all work together to help everyone find gratitude and inner peace.

HIDDEN MEDICINE 💊

Last post we talked about what to do when you lose faith in humanity. Sadly, this can happen all to easy. In this country there is an election right around the corner and both major political parties are doing their best to convince us how terrible the other person is and how terrible the country and the world would be if the opposition wins. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could avoid these ads, but they are literally everywhere! On television, online, in your mail box, text, calling, radio, in your mailbox. I swear they would put it on toilet paper if they could. Come to think of it, that is probably where most of it belongs.

The point of all this is that there is a lot of negativity about in the world. Even doing our best to avoid it, we still can become overwhelmed at times. Then what? Last post we looked at some great solutions and I invite you to read them. One important thing we could all use is our space. What I mean is a place that you can escape to that brings you a great deal of inner peace. Above is a picture I took on the way to mine. Nature can bring so much peace and makes a great escape. It can be any place that is special to you. It can be a church, a coffee shop, a park or anything at all. Visit it as often as you need. I had been neglecting that, but went to my spot today. I just sat among the trees and birds and listened to the wind. In no time I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.

Here is a picture from inside my little spot. It helps to be able to meditate in your own way. The benefits of meditation are too many to list here. It does help reduce stress and help you feel grounded. Two very important things when you are feeling overwhelmed. This doesn’t have to be anything complex. Just being fully present and away from distractions will do. You can listen to nature like I did. You can pray. You can pay attention to your breathing. Whatever works for you.

If you do not have a place already, pick one out today. Try a few out. You can never have too many. The best time to find one is before you need it. Then, when the world knocks you over, you can retreat and heal your spirit. It is not only helpful, it is vital.

YOU DIDN’T KNOW 🤔

This continues the theme we were discussing yesterday. You should never be too hard on yourself if you are working to get better. This is easier said than done. Who doesn’t have those moments in their life that upon reflection fill them with feelings of guilt and regret over the way they acted or the choices they made? We all do. I certainly know I do. Those feelings serve a purpose. When you feel that pain, it makes you never want to act that way, treat people that way or whatever else it may be. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We can put that to use for us.

When it becomes detrimental is when that paralyzes us from taking action in the present. You must forgive yourself for past mistakes. Yes, it may have been hurtful. Yes, it could have hurt someone’s feelings. You definitely would take it back if you could. You can’t. You have learned. You have made many positive choices and decisions since then. You have learned. If you are punishing the present you for the actions of the past you, then you are convicting an innocent person.

As the year draws to a close, let us all work on being a little kinder to both each other and to ourselves. Creating and maintaining a positive self image will go a long way to helping us treat others with more kindness and compassion.

DO NOT WAIT TO BE PROUD 👏

It is almost the end of the year. Upon reflection, no doubt many of us are feeling a twinge of disappointment for resolutions we set at the beginning of the year that we failed to reach. You wanted to eat healthier but you are reading this blog while having a bowl of ice cream…after a large pizza. It is easy to do. Life can get pretty crazy over a 365 day span. Giving ourselves that little dose of pain and disappointment can be a healthy thing. It can spur us to action, even if that action comes at a significantly later time than we intended it to.

That brings us to today’s point. You can start a new beginning at any time. Not only can you, but you should be proud when you do. If you ate like complete garbage for the first 10 months of the year, give yourself a little feeling of guilt and disappointment. That is ok. It will help motivate you not to do so any longer. Following 10 months of supporting local fast food chains, if you have a healthy week of eating, give yourself some love for that. A week of healthy eating is still something to be proud of. It doesn’t matter if it comes in January or November. The more positive associations you attach to a healthy behavior, the more likely you are to maintain it.

You may not have accomplished the goal of being in better shape by the end of the year. You can still be proud of not having any soda this week. Perhaps you haven’t stuck to your gym 3 days a week plan. You can still be proud for taking walks after dinner. Build on the momentum. Your goal will get closer each and every day.

CLEAN YOUR FILTERS! 🧼

This may be hard to believe, but that is an actual picture of the cabin air filter that came out of my car. No wonder my allergies acted up whenever I turned the heat on. When it comes to my car, I am really good with upkeep, but this is a part that I never thought of. Thankfully, now I am breathing free and clean. It started me thinking, as so many things do, of the things we discuss on this site. This filter was supposed to keep out things that would be harmful. Instead, by not inspecting my filter, my car was being filled with all kinds of unhealthy things. It was literally causing me to be sick.

You might be able to guess where I am going with this. In our life we have many filters. One of mine is that I do my best to limit the influence of negative people and situations. Why surround myself with things that will lower my energy if I have a choice. I also try to limit my exposure to unhealthy diet options. Both of these filters need constant inspection. There could be some negative people who have positioned themselves in my life. This is often a ‘friend of a friend’. There are the unhealthy snacks bought as gifts from well-intentioned friends. If I do not examine my filters often these can slip through.

These negative influences can sneak through and end up making big impacts if we are not careful. Check your filters. Make sure there is nothing getting through in your life that may have a negative impact. While you are at it, you might want to check the cabin air filter on your car as well. Take my word for it.

NOW IS THE TIME TO TRY 💪

One of the greatest pieces of advice that took me years to understand came from one of my grandparents. I am not sure which, but it was a simple warning. “Life goes by quicker the older you get.” As a young man, I thought that was the stupidest thing I heard. After all, a year is a year, a day is a day and even an hour is always 60 minutes. Sitting here just shy of 50, a whole new appreciation for that line has taken place. There are so many things in my life that seem like they occurred in a different lifetime. Not to mention hearing songs that you thought were released ‘a few years ago’ on the oldies station.

When we are young, very few of us give serious thought to the future. Sure, we have plans and things we would like to do or accomplish. Seldom do we take actions to make sure those goals are achieved. One of the greatest blessings in my life has been my open-heart surgery and brief flirtation with death. It was as if the creator was reminding me, “Hey kid, it can be over without any warning.” Far too often it is. People we loved are gone often unexpectedly. “If I had only known.” we hear ourselves saying. If we confront a hard truth, don’t we all know? Raise your hand if you are completely unaware that someone can seem to be in amazing health and be gone the next day. It would be my guess very few of us have our hands up. We all know this fact.

It might not be the start of your life, but you are being told – there are only so many tomorrows. This is not fatalistic. It is true. The clock is ticking and it doesn’t run backwards. Every second in life is precious. It is time we start viewing them that way in the present and not just in reflection. Whatever you want to someone to know, tell them. Whatever dream you want to chase, chase that dream. The worst end we can experience is one filled with regret.

We may prefer not to dwell on the fact that the end is ever approaching, but I think some casual attention on the matter would serve us well. Could this be the last time you spend with your friend? Unlikely, but a possibility. Something as simple as fully appreciating the food at that restaurant you love in case they close unexpectedly. Life is full of ends and beginnings. Let us cherish each and every one of them.

ONLY 3 MONTHS LEFT! 😳

Time is ticking my friends! Whatever goals you have set for the year are still a possibility. What you need to do is get rid of the distractions. It is not just Betty who keeps on bringing over doughnuts, or Bob who keeps telling you that you can come over and watch the game and eat pizza instead of going to the gym. It is also your phone, your social media account, the television remote and Netflix. Whatever is keeping you from accomplishing your goals is the enemy.

For the rest of the year, focus on you! That way we can bring the best version of ourself to the rest of the world next year. We can improve every aspect of our life at once by improving ourself. How can you improve the version of you that shows up to work everyday? How can you improve the version of you that you bring to your relationship? Even a general improvement in yourself such as your physical fitness or overall health will positively impact every area of your life. Can you imagine how much more productive a healthy version of you would be at work? Would more energy and stamina brought to your relationship improve it? I think we all know the answer to that.

For the remainder of this year, focus on you and improving you. If this makes you feel guilty, remember it is actually one of the most selfless things you can do. Creating a better version of yourself will benefit all of those you come in contact with. What are some ways in which you will work on creating a better version of you in these last three months of the year?

YOUR ORIGINAL WEIGHT ⚖️

In a world full of Instagram models, social media filters and AI photos, far too many of us are chasing unrealistic and unhealthy goals. That model you are aspiring to look like may spend all day in the gym, have a professional chef and maybe even cosmetic surgery. The picture of a fitness guru may be airbrushed or altered in some way. What may be healthy for them, may not be healthy for us. Speaking of health, is that what you are chasing, or just an appearance? Have you given any thought to the inner beauty you have and how you can improve that?

One of the things that can drive us crazy is picking some arbitrary goal. “I would love to get down to my weight when I was ____.” someone will say. Forgetting that our bone density, hormonal profile, level of activity and many other factors have changed. Even picking one factor, such as weight, is a mistake. With the new smart scales, it can give you a much clearer picture of what your weight actually means. How much is fat? How much is water? How much is muscle? You may be healthier at a slightly higher weight depending on these factors.

Next time you are tempted to chase some arbitrary goal, think of this silly picture. You should not worry about going back to some version of you that you used to be, and focus on being the best and healthiest version of who you currently are.

USE THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON IN THE WORLD 🌎

Do you know those people who cannot seemed to be stopped? You know the ones. Every obstacle seems to push them even more forward. If they do experience a setback, they dust themselves off and get right back at it. They seem full of energy, even after a long day. Instead of feeling envy for these wonderful folks, let us learn from them. What is it that they possess that would change our lives and give us a life like we described above?

We touched briefly on the importance of a ‘why’ last post, but let us dive a little deeper on the subject. Your ‘why’ is more than just the reason you are doing something. It is your emotional connection to the desired outcome. One of the easiest ways to get to a powerful ‘why’ is to keep asking that very question. You want to get healthy, why? Perhaps to look better in your clothing. Why is that important? It will give you a greater self-confidence. Why is that important? It will make you more likely to put your self out there. Why is that so important? It will help you take advantage of opportunities in the dating world, the career world or any other world that excites you. Why is that important? It could lead you to job satisfaction, a healthy relationship or success in whatever field you are in. Why is that important? It will give you a life of peace, purpose and love.

As you can see, developing a strong ‘why’ can set your soul on fire and give you a drive and purpose that lacking a why will never give you. Keep asking yourself why something is important to you. Write down your answers to help you keep track. Before long you will have a soul that will set the world on fire and nothing will be able to stop you.