I want to give a shout out to my kind of people. People who are just kind-hearted. Not for the want of getting anything, be that material or favors. No, just kind because that is who they are. It is my sincere hope that we all know people like this.
Do you know what hope I have that is even greater? That at some point, we all become one of those people. I can promise you this – your life is a lot more magical and full of joy the kinder you are to people. People treat you better when you treat them better. You get less stressed. You stress other people out a lot less.People smile more at you when you smile more at them.
With all of this being the case, why would you not want to live a life of kindness? I would love to hear your experience with a kind person and what you think others can do to be a kind person.
It rains a lot here this time of year. Fairly gloomy and uninspiring. This is what happens as winter turns to spring. As we venture outside, we can be greeted by a cold spring rain and overcast skies. Hard to feel motivated and energetic in that situation. All you want to do is go back to bed.
Life can be like that too. Problems can seem to crop up one after another. Your job can feel like a dead-end. Just like the gloomy sky in our weather example. All you want to do is go back to bed. Then just when you have no energy or motivation, another problem comes at you out of nowhere. Just like that cold spring rain.
As the season moves along, we start to see a little more of the sun. Before long, the temperature begins to slowly get warmer and one day you wake up and it seems the world has bloomed! Beautiful shapes and colors fill the landwhere once there was the gray drab of winter remained.
To people like my good friend Shannon, who loves plants, this must seem like heaven. To me, who hates winter, this feels like freedom after the prison of winter. To Margie, who longer has to put up with me, it must feel like she is free from her own punishment. Seriously, it is a magical time.
Life is also like that. After our rain and gloom, flowers start to bloom. When we look back, we see the rain was necessary for the flowers. Without the rain, they would never bloom. Without facing some of the adversity we face, the joy in our lives may never have bloomed.When we see the spring flowers, let them remind us the rain was necessary.
If we are to rally against anything in life, it should be the version of ourselves that is less than we know we could be. It is one of the greatest battles we will ever face, and one that never ends. This may sound overwhelming, but it really is not.
Yes, it is true we must be diligent every day to make sure we strive to be the best version of ourselves. Even when we achieve that goal, we must work hard to maintain it. If we conquer our temptations and fix our diet, we know that sugar craving is there hiding waiting to stage a sneak attack. If we go to the gym and get our body back in shape,we must fight to maintain that. There will be the temptation to take a day off, which will lead to another, then another.
This fight will go on for the rest of our lives. It is not that we can never claim victory. We can, in fact, claim victory every night that we know we did our best. Every time we live up to our standards. We can win the battles daily. When are days are winding down, we will know if we have one enough battles to win the war. That is to say, we have lived enoughgood days to have made it a good life.
One final note. Far too many of us meet sudden and unexpected ends. That is why it is so important to defeat the bad version of ourselves daily. We want to start stacking those victories as soon as we can. How about you? Can you declare victory today?
Here is a reminder that in the midst of spring cleaning, working on getting that summer body back and wondering where our New Year resolutions went, that we should always have a little fun.
The quote in the picture above captures this perfectly. Feet dirty, hair messy and eyes sparkling. The first thing that came to mind was a charity race I did a few years with Margie’s daughter. It was 30 obstacles in about 5 miles. Raised money for children with cancer. At the end of it, we were covered in mud, scrapesand pride.Not only had we completed the challenge, we raised money for a great cause.Our eyes were sparkling.
The next thing I thought of was children. When we are young, every day is an adventure. We dive right into life. Our feet are usually dirty, our hair is usually messy, but our eyes are usually sparkling. I think we need more of that as adults. I would love to hear what you do to put the sparkle back into your eyes.
Today is International Client Day. A celebration of all the people that make your business possible. If I am being honest, I think of the people that follow this site, or purchase my books, more as a family than clients. A like-minded community of individuals striving for a better life and to become the best version of themselves.
I am certainly grateful for every person who has ever read a word here. You are part of the family. Even more impactful are those who comment. Sharing your thoughts and opinions add quality and content to what we allshare and learn here. Whether that is on this very site, in our Facebook group or anywhere else. In places such as Italy, Lebanon and England I have received great advice on books to read, people to listen to and thoughts to ponder.
All of our family, which some may call ‘clients’ I am eternally grateful! Thank you for sharing this journey with me!
Being a big fan of motivation, this quote holds extra sway. Motivation can inspire action. It is like a match that lights a fire. The tricky bit about motivation is that it varies. It can be up one day and be quite hard to find on another day. If we only did things when we felt motivated to do so, our lives would be a lot worse off. Can you imagine what your bank account would look like if you only went to work when you felt like it? How about if you only paid the electric bill when you felt motivated to do so? The house would probably be pretty dark.
Motivation can lead us down the wrong path on occasion. Like in the picture above. You may be motivated to eat half a pizza because it tastes good. If you follow doing what feels pleasurable in the moment, you can be in for a lifetime of regret and consequences. If you have the discipline to eat things that fuel your body and not just your tastebuds, you may not have the momentary joy, but you will have a long-term reward of good health. Here is the unfortunate truth, people will often discourage you from making good choices making discipline even more difficult. You will hear things such as “One bad meal won’t make that much difference.” or “You went to the gym a couple days ago. You deserve some rest.” Momentary pleasure can lead to a lifetime of regret.
Another reason to choose discipline over motivation is that it is not dependent on the opinions of others. If doing the right action for you depends on the applause and encouragement of others, what do you do when you are alone? We should work on being able to do the right thing when nobody is applauding us. Often, we can find criticism coming in our direction when we are working on discipline. Hearing things such as, “He is not at fun as he used to be. Never goes to the club and is always at the gym.” Months and years later when you are healthy and enjoying life, and their liver is shot, suddenly they may not think ‘living for the moment’ is so fun.
I am not advocating doing away with anything fun in your life. We need escapes in this stressful world. What I am cautioning against is becoming a slave to pleasure or relying on motivation to take the actions you know you need to take. Motivation is great and I encourage you to get as much of it into your life as you can. I have many great ways to do so here on this site and in my 3 books. While you are looking for ways to keep you motivated, make sure to work on your self-discipline. It will take over when motivation is no place to be found.
Anyone who knows me, or has followed this blog for any length of time, knows that I am a big fan of Mr. Rogers. I refer to him as one of my favorite modern-day philosophers. Many people think that his teachings were just for children. I could not disagree more. In today’s world, how many times have we seen adults acting out and think to ourselves, “They should have watched Mr. Roger’s episode on what to do when you feel angry.” Basic human decency and handling our own emotions are skills many of us could use a little refresher on from time to time.
There is something else that Mr. Rogers did for us that does not get enough attention. He was always one of our biggest fans. Even though he did not know many people personally, through the medium of television, he conveyed a genuine message of respect and appreciation for all of his ‘neighbors’ watching at home. We were reminded that there was something special inside each one of us. How many people in our lives speak to us this way? How many people tell us that they like us just the way we are? I am guessing not too many.
We may fall short of this belief in our character. We may speak to, or treat someone harshly. We may not do as good of job as we are able. We may not live up to our ability. Here is the thing, Mr. Rogers explained that it is important to love someone a little bit extra during those times. What a great lesson this is. We can apply it to our friends, our coworker and even our spouse. When people are disappointed in themselves, that is when they need to be loved the most. Next time you know someone has fallen short, let them know that you still “Like them just the way they are.” It will mean a lot to them and positively transform your relationship with them.
One of the most important people that we can practice this on is the person in the mirror. How many times have we done something that did not live up to our standards and then continued to punish ourselves for it long after the event? You might have been trying to eat better but caved in and had one of the free doughnuts in the break room. You meant to keep in touch with friends and relatives better, but life got busy and here it is a week later and you haven’t called. We can get down on ourselves and continue to put ourselves down for what was a step on becoming the best version of ourselves.
Nobody likes to feel the pain of regret and disappointment for an action they have taken. Here is a secret. That pain can often be a great driving force to improve our actions and attitude going forward. This I can speak to first hand. I have made many mistakes in my life, and will no doubt make many more. Do I feel disappointed in myself sometimes? Sure. I do my best to put those feelings of disappointment to work on motivating me to become the best version of myself. Even when I drop the ball and make mistakes, I know my intention is to improve and be more kind, compassionate and loving to those around me. Mistakes can be beneficial too. Knowing that even with my mistakes, I am still worthy of love and respect allows me to look in the mirror and say, “There’s no person in the world like you, and I like you just the way you are.” Does this take a while sometimes? Absolutely. Especially when I have made a big mistake. What I learned from Mr. Rogers is that it is important to be able to say this to both others and ourselves. That is the secret to compassion. That is the secret to love.
What a great thought this is! Trees that have a great root system underground can withstand stronger winds than those that don’t. What does this have to do with us and living an amazing life? Plenty. When you set out towards a goal, or even just life in general, there will be plenty of storms. Some are just gentle storms. You might get a flat tire. Sure, it ruins the day, but you can get back at it without too much stress and struggle. Maybe a little lost time and inconvenience.
Then, there are the more serious storms. Losing a job for example. That is like a tornado of a storm. There are still bills to be paid. Food that needs to be purchased. Gas that needs to be put in the tank. You need to have a solid support system for that one. Having a loving spouse that can ease the burden. Maybe a group of friends to help you network. The worst is the loss of someone you love. That is a category 5 hurricane. You need to have deep roots to withstand that one. A strong faith. A group of loving friends. Self-care to help keep you above water.
Here is the important point to remember. Much like trees take time to have their roots grow deep, the same is true with you and I. Deep relationships take time to build. Discovering and practicing self-care takes time. Finding a faith that speaks to you and gives you peace in time of struggle can take time. Storms, however, they can come on quick. That is why it is important to begin to work on our roots today. Foster those loving relationships. Search for a spiritual practice that works for you. If you already have one, practice it regularly. Learn about different methods of self-care and take care of yourself.
We cannot control the storms of life, but we can grow our roots to help us withstand them. One we have no control over. The other is completely in our control.
When pursuing success, many of us can overcomplicate things. The simple formula outlined above will get us wherever we want to go. It all starts with discipline. You must be able to say ‘no’ to the things that take you further from your goal and ‘yes’ to the things that bring you closer. That can be very difficult when that warm slice of pizza takes you further away, and going out in the cold to go to the gym is what brings you closer. It takes a strong will to be able to do this. As simple as it is, it is not easy.
The second part is even tougher patience, or consistency, which means doing the discipline over and over again. Even when you do not feel like it. Even when you do not see any signs that it is not working. That is how we improve. Let us say you are trying to improve your relationship. You are putting in the effort. Working on becoming a better listener. You are being more romantic. Still, your partner seems not to appreciate your efforts. It can be tempted to think they are not working and go back to having nightly shouting matches. What you may not know is that they are not fully able to trust your actions as genuine. Maybe they are working through their own feelings. The possibilities are endless really.
Being disciplined is hard. Being patient and working consistently may be even more difficult. You must know if you stick with these two actions, they will take you anywhere you want to go. The timing may be longer than you would like, but get there you will. Even if you seem to face setback after setback, that is all part of the journey. The more you get out of the way, the closer you are to achieving your goal. Write or print out this formula. Put it up somewhere you will see it daily. Work on your patience and your discipline. They will be the tools you need to build a successful life.
How many hours do you spend on video games in a week? How much time playing solitaire or doing crossword puzzles? What do you achieve by getting better at these? How about increasing your income? How about spending time to look better in comparison to others or for society at large? When you think about it, most of our lives are spent in one or more of these endeavors. While I am sure all of them have their redeeming qualities, we should be focused on winning a different game – the inner game.
What I mean by the inner game, is mastering our thoughts and our attitude. When you stop and think about it, life is truly an inner game. The quality of our life, is the quality of our thoughts and emotions. If you are someone who sees what is wrong in life and generally feels angry towards the world and you win the lottery what will happen? You will be rich and…angry. If you can maintain a positive attitude despite outside circumstances, you have true power. Life, or other people and circumstances, will not be able to bring you down.
As you can see, this is not a new thought. Controlling your mind means that you are taking back control of your life. Not being subject to the whim of outside circumstances. Life has it’s ups and downs. Your mind and emotions do not have to. This is a lifelong journey. Much like physical fitness, mental fitness requires daily maintenance. Unfortunately, you do not workout one time and stay in shape forever. Same with gaining control over your mind and emotions. We slip up and act and say things when we are angry that we later regret. Can you see how even doing that less would make your life better?
How can we improve the quality of our thoughts, and thus the quality of our life? There are many options. I am still learning some myself. One of them is to develop an attitude of gratitude. Finding reasons to be grateful even when it seems impossible to do so will make your life amazing. Finding the opportunities in challenges. Some people just see a pile of manure, some people see fertilizer. Next time your life seems like a pile of the stuff that comes out the backside of an animal, ask yourself, “How can I use this to grow from?” Countless musicians, authors and artists have used the worst pain in their lives to create some of their best work. Why can’t you do the same? Also, look for other meanings in life. We can find ourself looking for the worst on occasion. Begin to train your mind to look for the best!
All of these suggestions can dramatically improve the quality of your thoughts and your life. If you would like more ideas to improve your life, feel free to pick up one, or all, of my books! Just search “Neil Panosian” on Amazon. Feel free to share what makes the difference for you in your thoughts and emotions in the comments below.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 