Tag: Self-Help

BE THE WISE WARRIOR ✨️

One of the most prevalent problems we have today is a lack of energy. It is not always physical energy. It can be emotional, spiritual or any other drain. People just feel burned out. Is that you? Certainly, considering all of the things that I am involved in, it is always something to be on the lookout for. It seems you are working hard just to meet up with your obligations and then life picks that time to give you a tough challenge.

Have you ever felt like you were close to having it all together when suddenly you find yourself catching a cold? Maybe you finally are starting to feel some inner peace and that is when your spouse has a personal meltdown? It can be even worse. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can seem to be constantly working on keeping your head above water. You make it through a tough day at work. Your coworkers call in sick. There is more work for you because of that. Your boss is aggravated that the other employees decided to stay home and takes it out on the employee that didn’t. Namely, you. Then you get home barely making it through the day and your spouse has a meltdown. You snap at them because you have already had a tough day. After a minute you regret not treating them with compassion. Now you are not only stressed beyond breaking, you have created a new problem.

Here is where a great deal of this issue starts. We fight every battle that is in front of us. By the time we show up for the really important ones, we are often to tired and crumble at the first sign of struggle. That is why it is important to set boundaries and decide what is really important. You boss yells at you because other workers didn’t show up and they are in a bad mood. Is it fair? No. Does it suck? Yes. Is it really important in the long run? No. Do not waste your energy being upset about other people, which is something we cannot control anyway. This is the same for getting fired up listening to talk radio on the way home. I know a few people who listen to political or sports programs and come home full of rage. Why on earth would you do that? News flash – the athletes and politicians do not know or care about you. Your spouse does. Listen to some music that will help relieve the stress of the day and have you arriving at home full of love.

My day job is at the US Postal Service. Not only is there lots of stress there, but I work 55 hours a week. If I wasted my energy on every little thing at the office, I would come home drained and angry. Margie and I work at a bar on the weekend. If we played into every situation of drama and gossip, we would not only be wasting our time, we would be exhausted. My love for her, and my respect for both her and myself, is worth far too much for that.

How about you? What battles are you fighting that are draining you and not serving you? Could you set boundaries that would help you? Do you have a written list of what is your priority in life and what is important? How often do you review that list? Just a few minutes in the morning, or even in the middle of the day to recalibrate, would make a world of difference!

KEEP BLOOMING 🌻

This is so true. In a world where people are mistakenly focused on material gain and other outward signs of success, it is important to remember where real change starts. If there is anything you wish to accomplish, you must start by becoming it. That may sound backwards to some of you, so allow me to explain.

Real change happens internally. If you do not change who you are inside, that change will usually not be long-lasting. That is why so many who won the lottery end up broke. They have not changed to someone who is comfortable with having a lot of wealth.

You must work on changing your mentality first. If you want to be fit, you must become a person who likes, and is dedicated to fitness. You want to eat healthy? You must become someone who  has a better relationship with food. Someone who understands that you should eat to live and not live to eat. That healthy can be both delicious and fun!

Here is the tricky bit. When you start changing your mentality, you would think everyone would be behind you. Especially, those closest to you. Often, this is not the case. It can be a fear, be that conscious or not, that once you level up you will leave them behind. Sometimes that might have to be the case. When you are working on sobriety, you can’t hang around with addicts anymore. Maybe they just do not possess the drive to improve their lives? A little encouragement and reassurance can go a long way here.

In the end, you might be doing it alone. Quite often, self-improvement is just that – improvement by yourself. Those closest to you might be your most difficult test. Do not stop them from allowing you to bloom!

Quick side note. Be careful not to judge them either. Many people lack either the knowledge or the discipline to improve their lives. Some of the best ways we can help this is to offer encouragement and a positive example of what can be done! It may just be your success that will change their life!

THE REAL FLEX 💯 💪

I belong to a lot of fitness pages online. They serve a great purpose. People sharing their journeys of accomplishing their goals. Emotional and encouraging support for one another. As well as knowledge in regards to the world of health and fitness

One of the things they do is have a day for people to show off the hard work they have put in. In other words, to literally flex their muscles. To me, fitness is a great accomplishment. It shows a discipline that only hard work can accomplish. It involves sacrifice, strong will and dedication. As Zig Ziglar said, “You can’t pay anyone to do your push-ups for you.”

There are some people online who think that wealth and material gain are the ultimate flex. If done ethically, this can be a great accomplishment to be proud of as well. It can show intelligence, hard work and saving. It is still, however, not the ultimate flex.

This, my friends, is the ultimate flex. Making lives better. Inspiring others and giving them a sense of hope and encouragement. In a world that seems to  be telling us that we are not enough, how valuable is it to hear what a difference you make?

One of the most powerful ways to change the world is to just be kind. I realize at first blush this may sound new-age, or even weak to many of you. Far from it. In a world often filled with insults, sarcasm and negativity, how brave is it to stand up and encourage and genuinely compliment someone?

By changing lives and inspiring others to become the best versions of themselves, we are not only doing good by those souls, but by the world at large. By not only encouraging others to be all they can be, but giving them space and permission to be so! You want to impress the world? Show us how many people you have positively impacted. How many lives have you changed for the better?

ZEN THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND 🧘‍♀️

Here is a secret to an amazing life. Many people are so focused on ‘only thinking positive thoughts’. That is enough to drive you crazy. Stuff happens in life that will throw you. I do not care how positive you are, life can be tough at times. The secret is to have the tools and strategies to make sure the tough times are not that frequent and not that intense. One of the best ways that I have found to do this is to reserve my negative emotional energy for what really matters. If you spend days in bed upset because a person you considered a friend of yours spread negative gossip about you, what are you going to do when you lose a job or a loved one? That is not to say that all of these other things are not terrible, but they do not have to control our spirit.

That is the difference to real positivity and the kind that just glosses over life. Real positivity acknowledges that life sucks sometimes. Instead of crying, “Why me?” it says, “This bad thing happened. Now what?” Noticing you are feeling sad, irritable or angry is not necessarily bad. It is a learning opportunity. How did these feelings come about? What were the causes and what possible solutions can we try to use to change our emotional state? These questions can be better answered if you are in the habit of journaling. Trying to figure all of this out in your head can lead one to a state of insanity in a short amount of time.

Do your best to be an observer of your thoughts. Whether they are good or bad, ask yourself some of the questions we mentioned above. When you find things that trigger bad moods, try to avoid or eliminate those. When you find things that lift up your emotional state, do more of those. In this manner you will continue to move your life one step closer to amazing. Again, this does not mean there will not be rough patches. I think you can see by observing and understanding your thoughts and emotions, you can add more of what fills you with joy, and less of what takes away from your joy. That is the secret to an amazing life.

LET THIS FACT GUIDE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE 🦮

This may be my stoic way of thinking, but I find this to be a very powerful and motivational quote. Many people have told me it sounds morbid or fatalistic. Why? It is a fact. We never know exactly when our final day may come, but we know it is out there. It will never be a comfortable situation to be faced with, but wouldn’t you rather do so prepared? How can one prepare for the end of their life? By living each day to the fullest. This does not mean working yourself to the bone, or even not working at all and spending all day in leisure.

For me, if the end came tomorrow, I would want to know that I made the most out of each moment. How do we do that? The first part is the ability to be present. This is a skill that is all but gone from the world today. I recently saw a video where a monk was asked his secret for remaining joyful. His answer, in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said, “When I am at work, I work. When it is time to eat, I am eating. When it is time for sleep, I am sleeping.” He went on to explain much of the discord in life is that when people are at work, they are thinking about eating. When they are eating, they are wishing they were sleeping. When they finally get to bed at night, they are already worried about working the next day. How true is this? When we find our mind regretting the past, or worried about the future, we are doing the same thing. The past and future do not exist. If you dread and regret the past, use that emotion to drive you to do better in the present. If you are worried about some aspect of your future, use that emotion to plan and prepare better today. The present is the only time we have control over.

The end is always drawing closer. This is not meant to scare us, but to motivate us. Do what you can with what you got today. You never know what you will have tomorrow. Love with all you have today. That is one thing you will never regret. If it is true that we might die tomorrow, how are we living today? Ask yourself that question.

STOP NEGOTIATING ✋️

So many times I will here people who are trying to change make deals with themselves. “I’ll start tomorrow.” or “I will give myself a break on the weekend.” While I am all for doing whatever will help you achieve your goal, this type of thinking leaves us with a little problem. Believe it or not, it reinforces the identity that we are not what we are striving to become. You are actually tripping yourself up by doing this.

There are 2 reasons that jump into my mind. First, it makes the thing you are trying to get away from a ‘reward’. If I eat good during the week, I can then tackle the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet every weekend. That creates the feeling of only being able to be yourself on the weekend. Thus, reinforcing the identity of someone who does not eat well. By looking forward to filling your face, and your stomach, with high calorie sauce pie, you create more a feeling of dread for the week of healthy eating. When you dread something are you more or less likely to do it?

Many of you may counter that ‘looking forward to something’ will allow you to make it through the week of good eating. This may work in the short term. How do you think your brain will react to having a hit of dopamine every weekend as you swallow many pieces of cake. It will begin to subconsciously tell your mind, “This feels good. Eating healthy feels bad.” This will only make it more difficult to identify yourself as someone who is now a healthy eater. Instead, you will be a bad eater struggling to eat healthy. It may sound like splitting hairs, but there is a big difference. Especially if you want the change to last long term.

Think of how your actions shape your identity. Not only to others who are watching you, who will reinforce that identity, but most importantly to yourself.

HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.

This picture is great! Obviously a point about focus. You may be thinking, like I was, “Not me! I appreciate what Ihave!” Then I took another look at the picture and thought what I would do if someone handed me a cake with one slice missing. What would you do? Can you imagine going to the store buying a cake with one slice gone? What about a slice of cake? A lot less, but if someone handed you a slice of cake, you would not ask where the rest of the cake went.

People are a little like the cake. Most are not as sweet, but the theory is the same. If someone shared a lot with you, but kept one part of their life secret, we would feel like we were missing something. Like the cake with a slice missing. Yet, if someone were to share just a little with us, we would feel like they were giving us something a little special. Just like a slice of cake.

I live with the most beautiful baker, trust me when I tell you I know a thing or 2 about cake! Whether we are given a little, or a lot with just one thing missing we should appreciate what we have. Changing focus will take us from expectation to appreciation! Imagine how that could change your life!

WE MADE IT! WE SHOULD NOT HAVE WAITED ✋️

It is Friday! The day so many of us wait for. In some ways, seeing this makes me glad that I work 7 days a week. That may sound crazy to many of you but let me explain. When it comes to planning dates with my beautiful lady, or maybe just treating myself to a bit of self-care like a good cup of coffee and a book, I do not wait for the weekend, as I will be working. I carve little bits of time whenever and wherever I can find them. Quite often we go on a date on a Thursday evening. Maybe I will take Tuesday after work to stop by the local coffee shop and get lost in the current novel I am reading.

The point of all of this is that I do not wait for the weekend, 5 o’clock or any other designated time. Do not misunderstand me, when I go on vacation, I am on vacation. It is more important to find joy in the life you are living rather than working to escape it. When you wait for the weekend, you are essentially resigning yourself to the fact that 5 out of 7 days will be a burden and lacking joy. Can you imagine giving anyone else that advice?

How do we create a life that we do not need a vacation from? By doing the things we preach on this site. Practice gratitude. Be present. Understand that we do not get more life. Time is truly our most precious commodity. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. One day will be your last. Before that day, you will witness the last days of many of the people you love and care about. This is not to sound depressing, but to impress upon you the urgency of changing your perspective of life now. Coming home to Margie is a blessing I am grateful for everyday. One day, it will be the last time we come home to each other. Saturday I am having coffee with my good friend Nick. By listening to him, feeling and expressing the gratitude for the friendship we share will help me be present and fully appreciate the moment. I never know how many more coffees we will share.

How about you? Are you putting off your joy until you reach the destination or are you working on ways to enjoy the journey?

HERE IS THE KEY 🔑

This is a very good secret to an amazing life. That is to catch yourself thinking negatively and toss in some gratitude and appreciation. It will not only dramatically improve the quality of your emotional state, but will change the way you start to view and interact with the world. Does that sound a little bold or over the top? Ask yourself this question. Do you treat people differently when you are feeling angry verses grateful? How about sad verses filled with joy? Even if this difference in treatment is not conscious, if we are being honest, most of us must agree that we do treat people differently based on our emotional state. You have more patience and are more forgiving if you are in a better mood. You are better able to view the positive side of a situation.

Again, we see that gratitude is the antidote to negativity. That is why the more processes to foster gratitude you have in your life, the better. When we are in a negative state, or at the very least going down that path, it can be hard to come up with something we appreciate. That is why doing so ahead of time is so vital. How do we now when ‘ahead of time’ is? We don’t. Our brains can pop up with a negative thought without a warning. That is why we should always be on the lookout for what we can be grateful for. We can do this is so many ways. Find one that works for you. Next, make sure to record those thoughts.

You can start a gratitude journal where you write down daily what you are grateful for. You can have an album of pictures in your phone of people, places and things that you are grateful for. You could even record positive affirmations of what you appreciate on your phone. That way, when negativity shows up, you do not have to think, you have something ready. Here is another secret. This will seem difficult, if not impossible, at first. The more you do it, however, the easier it will become. Before long, you will not only catch your negative thoughts quicker, but they will seem to come less often and they will be outnumbered by grateful thoughts!

A BIRD WITHOUT WINGS? 🐦

Salvador Dali, crazy talented artist. Check out that mustache! Here ol’ Sal makes a pretty good point. Many people think that improving yourself is just about learning more. It is actually a balance of learning more and putting that knowledge to use. We can learn all we want, but if we fail to act on it, well…we might as well not have learned it at all. I would not only say act, but act boldly. Many times we need to act to learn vital pieces of information. As the saying goes, you do not know what you do not know. Meaning, often when acting on knowledge you think is complete, you realize that a vital piece of that knowledge is missing.

One of the most “interesting” areas that this comes into play is in relationships. Whenever you are dealing with two human beings there will be unexpected events that crop up. This is not only to be expected, but can be one of the greatest opportunities for growth. When I learn something that is supposed to improve a relationship, I can’t wait to use it with the love of my life. It is often with Margie’s help that I learn a tweak that will add greatly to the tool or strategy that I just learned. When two people work together they multiply their efforts.

Acting on the knowledge you have gained will only add to that knowledge. The more you do anything the better you get at it. That is because you learn things along the way. Just as acting without knowledge (think of driving a car without knowing how) can be dangerous. It does little for us to learn something without putting it to use. I see many people who spend years researching the best way to lose weight. They would have been better to just start walking and learning along the way. Act with the knowledge you have now and build upon that knowledge as you move through life.

Lastly, make that action bold. If you are going to love, love boldly. If you are going to give, give boldly. The more intense the action, the greater the knowledge and results. Even if you discover that action is not right for you, this will be learned quicker if the action is bolder. Learning isn’t worth much if we do not couple that knowledge with action.