MONDAY PROOF


Welcome to Monday, a day most people dread. The work week is ahead of us and as many people fear, the opportunity to make mistakes. Personally, I don’t mind making mistakes. There are three wonderful, yes I said wonderful, things that come from mistakes.

First, like the picture said they are proof you are trying. There is no way to live a mistake free life. Sure, you could sit around and not do anything, but then you don’t live at all and in my mind that is the biggest mistake. We might misjudge, need to improve physically, mentally or emotionally. There are a million reasons why we might make mistakes. Maybe we just didn’t have all the information needed to make the correct decision or take the correct action.
Not only is it proof we are trying, but it is an opportunity to learn. When we make mistakes we often think to ourselves such disempowering things as, “I can’t believe I did that!” or “I was so stupid for making that mistake!” What if you replaced those statements with ones such as, “Next time I know how I will do that!” or “I am so glad I learned how to do this. I will be better next time!” It is a totally different mindset. Mistakes are some of the best teachers.
The third thing I think is wonderful about mistakes is that is provides us a unique opportunity to show our character. Owning up to mistakes and not letting them get you down shows that you have a strong character. You cannot display this unless you do make a mistake. Through showing what kind of character you have you can earn respect from others. Everyone loves and respects someone who owns up to their mistakes, don’t they?
From now on let us put mistakes to work for us. It sucks when they happen, but we can turn them from a negative to a positive using the three examples above.

YOU ARE ALLOWED

A lot of people think they can only be considered a success when they achieve their goals. That is not even close to true. Being someone who loves the process is just as important as achieving your goals. You can set a great example in several ways. Let us take a look at a few of them.

First is your ability to stay focused and moving forward. Some people call this ‘drive’ some people call it ‘persistence’. Whatever you call it, managing to go through the process day after day can inspire others to do the same. A lot of individuals I know have a hard time staying focused, especially when they are not seeing results. Seeing someone who continues to put the work in despite the results not being visible right away is inspiring. Think of that person who is struggling to get in shape, but still shows up at the gym every day. Personally, I find those people inspiring.

Another way to  be a masterpiece while you are a work in progress is to show how you handle adversity. Everyone can be smiling and positive when the chips are going their way, but when the wheels fall off and things start going downhill that is when a person’s true character is revealed. Someone who can handle obstacles while staying calm, motivated and positive is a masterpiece!

Lastly, do not give up. It was Babe Ruth, the famous baseball player who said, “You just can’t beat the person who never gives up.” If Babe Ruth would have given up every time he struck out, he would not be the masterpiece of professional baseball that he is now. Believe in yourself. Not only will you be a masterpiece, but you may inspire others to do the same. 

THEIR GAME IS OVER

In working in fields that are highly social it is interesting to note how many perfectly amazing people allow themselves to be held hostage by the opinions of others. While it is ok to value the opinions of others, it is important to put greater importance on what we think of ourselves. I am not talking about conceit or arrogance. For deep down, those souls seem to have the lowest opinions of themselves. I am not talking about treating others harshly or that they are less than you. If you are a person that acts like that, could you honestly have a great self-image?

What we are talking about is a healthy respect for the person in the mirror. You have good qualities. What are they? Yes, you have flaws and it is important to really own them too. By doing so it will allow you to know what you have to work on. While you are working on it, know that each day you will improve a little more. Give yourself some patience as well. Saying such things as “I know I am not where I need to be with my _____ but I am working on it and getting better each and every day.” This can do wonders.

For reasons that are completely beyond my understanding there are those who live for nothing other than to point out others faults and shortcomings. Perhaps it is to deal with their own deep-seated insecurities. Perhaps they just feel bad about where they are in life and this helps them deal with it. Maybe they even made a deal with the devil. Who knows and who cares? It is hurtful when they do so. We must remember that what people say about us speaks more about them than it does about us. This may matter little when someone puts us down in public, but that is where a healthy amount of self-love can help.

When we are honest about who we are and can find ways to love ourselves despite what people may view as negatives, the insults of others lose their power. I have heard people put down for their height, weight, lack of hair, over abundance of hair and a million other things. They can sting and again I encourage all of us to focus on complimenting people on their strengths, for we all need to hear that more. It is getting to the point of not relying on the opinions of others, whether good or bad, that will give us true freedom.

Let us start loving ourselves more today. Whether that is through affirmations, therapy, writing down what we love about each other or just working harder towards our goals, let us all increase the love we have for the person we see in the mirror every morning. When we realize what a challenge this can be after years of neglect, negative self-talk and opinions of others, we may more inclined to point out the good in others and overlook their faults. 

ONE THING TO REMEMBER ABOUT THE PAST

The past…it can be many things. When used intelligently, the past can be a teacher, a healer and a great place to escape. If we are not careful, the past can also be a depressant, an anchor and a jailer. It is the latter of the two options we are going to discuss today. We are going to look at how our past, and our story about it, can often stop us from achieving the greatness and joy we so rightly deserve.

Have you ever heard others, or maybe even caught yourself saying things like this? “Every time things start going right in my life they end up going wrong.” or “I can never get ahead something always goes wrong for me.” While this may have been true to some extent in your past, my guess is that there was plenty of times when everything did go right…at least for a while.

We have all heard sayings such as life is a marathon not a sprint or do you see the glass half-full or half-empty? I actually did a great video about these on my YouTube channel Neil Panosian, you will find the link at the end of this post. The truth is life is both a marathon and a sprint. The glass is both half-full and half-empty. The only difference is which one we focus on. By focusing on the good it does not make the bad any less true, just as when we are focused on the bad it does not make the good any less real. The only difference it makes is how it makes us feel. I made that statement a different color for a reason, I would like you to read that again and really think about it. When we consider the truth of that statement we realize the power we have in our lives.

It is important to consider the sprint verses marathon view as well. If we focus on life in the short term we fall victim to the ups and downs of life. If we feel our life is generally one of misfortune and bad things we will see that. They exist in every life I know of. If we feel our life will always turn out, that will be true. We just need to focus on the marathon. Eventually good things happen. Yes, eventually bad things happen as well, but again how we feel is based on which one we focus on.

Just because things have always gone a certain way does not mean they cannot change. When we focus on the negative we tend to notice that. When we focus on the negative that we experienced in the past we tend to avoid taking actions that can lead us to different opportunities in the future. Let the past be a teacher, not a jailer.

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RETURN SOME GIFTS THIS YEAR

I love receiving gifts. It is not that I am materialistic, but the fact someone thought of me, and then acted upon that thought means the world to me. It can be something they made, a poem they wrote anything really. This is not the gifts we are talking about today. If you have not read the little comment above, I may suggest you do so now as it will make everything you read from here forward a lot more sensible.

As kind and compassionate as I try to be, there are still some who chose to offer me the ‘gifts’ mentioned in the picture above. Working 3 nights a week in the bar setting I witness a good deal of insults, he said/she said and gossip. It would seem a lot of people get terribly upset if others do not speak of them or see them in just the right light. This reminds me of a saying I came across a while back. You might work as hard as you can to grow the perfect peaches, but some people just don’t like peaches. I come across this when people report this website as offensive. I think to myself, how can anyone find reducing stress, increasing joy and improving yourself offensive? Then I remember, some people just don’t like peaches.

This is a good thought to keep in mind. Others will not like you because of many different reasons. Your skin color, your beliefs, who you are friends with and a million other reasons they will come up with. Remember that speaks more about them, than about you. They will insult you, gossip about you and even make up terrible lies about you. Just like the picture above says, “If you do not accept something given to you, it belongs to the sender.” If you are honestly working to be the best person you can be, your actions will speak a lot louder than their words. In fact, the only way to counter insults truly is to act at such a high level, that the one insulting you looks foolish.

I encourage all of you to leave your tips for dealing with insults and negative gossp. The more ideas we have, the better chance of success we have. I am going to leave you with this quote from Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge is massive success.”

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL…


Most of us are familiar with this scene from Snow White in which the queen asks the mirror for answers. In the new year I would like to encourage us all to do something very similar. It may be a bit intimidating for some of us, but it will be well worth it and will lead to an increased sense of self-satisfaction and growth as the year progresses.
Before we get to this fun, enlightening and easy new tool, allow me to share a quick back story on how this came to my attention. Margie and I attended my work’s Christmas party last night. Not only is it rare that my work actually has a get together, but we had the opportunity to meet and talk to some new people as well. It is interesting what topics can come up when you share conversations with new people. Especially at the end of the evening after a few cocktails have been consumed.
One of the people we shared conversation with was the wife of one of my coworkers. After raving about my lovely lady’s beauty, the discussion turned towards what everyone did for a living. When the prospect of motivation and self-improvement came about this young lady shared something she did with her children growing up that could be a great help to all of us at any age. When her children were very young she had them look in the mirror and asked them a very thought-provoking question, “What do you see?”. Initially, the children responded with answers such us their names or “my reflection”. These are answers most of us would give is asked the same question. After pressing them a bit more with the same question the children began to look a little deeper and their answers changed. “A smile” said one. “Strength” said the other. This exercise was repeated as the children continued to grow up, stressing the importance of self-evaluation.
It occurred to me how beneficial this would be for the rest of us as well! I encourage all of us to spend some quality time in front of the mirror. You can do this after your shower or before you head off to work. It can be done in private. Really look at who you see staring back at you. What do you see? For most of us the first few words that will tend to pop up may be less than positive. “Too much grey hair” “wrinkles” “a person who could stand to lose some weight” These thoughts can be constructive in many ways. First of all, it can show us that we really need to change our focus on the positive when it comes to how we see ourselves. If we do not like what we see, we can begin to know what we should work on. The more we do this, the more we could witness the improvements and keep our focus on what we need to do.
That being said, I encourage you to begin to search for the positive in your reflection. Do you see someone with a giving heart? Do you see someone who wishes the best for everyone? Do you see someone who has overcome a lot and continues to push forward? Begin to note all of the good you see in the mirror as you work to improve on what you see. The more comfortable and positive we feel about ourselves, the better and more positive our view of others and the world around us will be. As we start a new year, I can’t imagine a greater gift we could give to ourselves, others and the world around us. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

YOUR VERY IMPORTANT DECISION

This comes to us from one of my favorite authors and speakers Billy Alsbrooks. It is a theme that is universal to many different schools of thought, but is not often acted upon. We need a clear and definite description of who we are. We need to be crystal clear on what we stand for and what we refuse to stand for. We need to establish for ourselves a clear set of values and standards.

Why is this so important? Without this identity, we are at the mercy of the others and the world around us. This would be no problem if the world was a place committed to everyone’s best interests and maintaining a healthy and happy environment. As we are aware this is not the case. There are companies spending large amount of money to tell us things such as we are not cool enough unless we are wearing their particular brand of shoes or we must be a part of a certain social media group. Everything from alcohol to outfits has a definition of what is cool and what is not. Often, this message is backed up by those in the acting and music profession. We hear songs promoting the same brand of shoes or alcohol that the companies would like us to believe is cool. The only thing that is gained through this is an increase in that companies bottom line, and chances are, a decrease in ours.

Corporate influence is actually one of the tamer, and other than financial, harmless sources striving to control our thinking. Media outlets, politicians, and even coworkers, classmates, family and friends can all do the same. Their intentions can be good, or on occasion not so good. Either way what is right for them is not necessarily right for us. Conveying that in a firm, but nonjudgmental way can be tricky but is necessary.

Why is this so important? If we allow ourselves to be at the mercy of corporate, political and social agendas of others our lives will be in a sense indentured servants to their goals and dreams. We can end up saying and doing things that go against our spirit. This will leave us feeling disappointed in ourselves and on occasion with a feeling of distain toward our behavior and who we have become. The ironic thing about this is that it can be hard to diagnose. It will leave us feeling down, dejected and unhappy with our lives. It may not be apparent as to the source of the issue.

The solution is to spend some quality time defining the person looking back at you in the mirror. It will not only reduce the stress in your life, but provide you drive, purpose and a strong sense of identity. This will set you up to live an amazing life!  

 

SOMEONE NEEDS YOU!

Whenever I speak to an audience I am usually asked about how I became an author. If you have ever been to one of my seminars or heard me speak you will undoubtedly have heard the story of my high school English teacher. If not, let us say she encouraged me to do everything but write. At the time I couldn’t blame her. I had little to no interest in exploring the written word as a profession. Fast forward…umm…some years and here I sit with two books written, a blog with 1000 posts and several articles in major publications.

How did we get here? It started merely as an experiment in fixing my own life. As I discovered in twenty plus years working in the field of self-improvement, there are a lot of other people like me. Being an author for the last 6 years has taught me something else that I would like to share with you today. Everyone has a story within them. I don’t care if you think your life is as exciting as watching the grass grow, you have something someone out there needs.

Whether you are a stay at home parent, a busy professional or a high school student, there are millions who find themselves in the very situation you do. Perhaps they are looking for answers to some of the struggles you have overcome? Maybe they could benefit from hearing about some of the mistakes you have made so they could avoid them? Maybe they just need someone to relate to so they know they are not alone.

While you are working on your story, remember what you do is equally important. If you are a top CEO, or the person who cleans up after a top CEO, your service is needed. More to the point, you are needed. I have a friend who has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to plants and animals. Imagine how often I ask them things like, “I saw this bird/spider/chupacabra do you know what it is?” I have another friend who makes hand-crafted stuffed animals. How amazing would it be to give someone such a unique and wonderful gift? I have friends who are good at talking, some who are good at listening. Each and every one of them are as important to me as the next.

Whatever it is know that the world would be less without you doing it. Also know that someone would benefit from hearing your story. It could be about who you are, what you do or how you think. Inside of each and everyone of us is a best-seller that could change lives and change the world. Whatever you do, please to not die with your music still inside of you. It is just what someone needs to hear.

THE IMPORTANT QUESTION

Our life is mostly made up of the questions we ask. These questions can be conscious or subconscious, but they exist just the same. We may ask ourselves “Is this good or bad?” or disempowering questions such as “Why does this always happen to me?” Chances are that is doesn’t always happen to you, but if that is the question you are asking, your mind will find examples that support that. In this way your mind is both your best friend and your worst enemy. It will do anything to prove to yourself that you are right. That is the best friend part. It will do so even to the point of having you overlook all the good in your life so that it feels like your life is one big suck fest. That is the worst enemy part.

This is really good news if we know how to use it to our advantage. I go into more depth with this subject in my upcoming book Living the Dream. For today I will just give you the basic tools so you can start putting your mind to work for you. It is really not that complicated at all. It really amounts to changing our question. While I admit this is not very complicated, it does not mean it is easy. We have been asking ourselves the same question so long we often do so without even consciously thinking of it.

So how do we fix this dilemma and begin to use questions to help us live the dream? That in itself is a great question. Some of what I am going to tell you may sound like a little bit of overkill but realize we are working to overcome years, sometimes decades of negative self-programing. We are going to need any advantage that we can muster. Trust in the tools and try them for a month. You really have nothing to lose.

We are not going to struggle against removing the old question. What we are going to do is replace it with a more positive and self-serving question. Here is where you get a chance to be creative. Pick an area of your life you would like to improve. For this example we will use the every popular one, money. If you asked Santa for a thin body and fat bank account last Christmas and he seemed to mix them up, have no fear! We will give the jolly ol’ man a helping hand this year. You are going to think of a question that will focus your mind in the opposite direction. Such as, “How is my life more prosperous every day?” or “How can I add more abundance to my life today?”

Once you have decided on a question, there are two more steps to put your mind to work for you. This next step is very important – write your question down. Some may ask, “Why do I have to do that? I know what it is.” Remember we are working against our imbedded thought patterns. Your mind will do everything to go back to the question it is comfortable with. Write this down on an index card or something else you can carry with you. Another popular way to do this is to make your question your screensaver on your phone. Most of us look at those a million times a day.

The last step is to read your question either out loud or to yourself at 3 very specific times of the day. 1.) When you first get up in the morning. 2.) Right before you go to bed at night. These are the times your mind is most available to suggestion. We are also using biological science to our advantage as well. 3.) One other time during the day. They say doing something for 21 days starts a new habit. I like to round up to one month for 2 reasons. My mind is very stubborn when it comes to change, and I do not like trying to figure out when 21 days are up. If we can just go from the 11th of the month to the 11th of the next month that is a lot easier.

Pick your question today. “What makes me a great parent?” “How can I be a better teacher?” “What reasons do I have to be grateful?” You can see the list can be endless. After 30 days you can either choose to stay with the question you are using and create even more positive change, add another area of life you are looking to improve or go back to having your mind focus on whatever not so inspiring question it chooses. I would love to hear your results on the 11th of next month! Who knows, you might be in my next book!

THE MOST IMPORTANT PLACE TO FIND A FRIEND

Today’s post is the most important of the week. Of all the places to make friends this one takes the cake. Not only is it the closest and easiest to find, but the most important location of all. Dare I say, if you cannot make friends here you will have a very difficult time making healthy and lasting friendships anywhere else. It just so happens to be one of the hardest places to make friends for so many. What is this exotic location? The mirror.

This may sound a bit hokey to some of you, but it still is true. If we don’t enjoy the person staring back at us in the mirror, it is hard to bring true and genuine joy to those we meet. I know we all have hang-ups and problems with ourselves, that is human nature. Learning to love yourself despite the things you see that you do not enjoy will bring you the greatest amount of inner peace and joy. Let’s face it, this is one friend you will be stuck with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We really should do all we can to form the best relationship we can with this woman or man.

How do we make friends with the person in the mirror when we don’t like what we see? That is a billion dollar question. No really. An entire industry has cropped up to help us love ourselves. There are books, CDs, seminars and life coaches to help us along the way. I am going to give you a few quick tips to get you started, but I encourage you to look into more. After all, if you are going to invest in a relationship, this one will give you the biggest return. To this very day I work on improving the relationship I have with myself. By having a healthier and happier relationship with myself I can do better in my relationship with everyone else.

So, how do we increase the joy and love we feel towards ourselves? At first glance this statement may seem self-centered, but we are not talking about ego-driven love. We are talking about learning to appreciate the truly wonderful people we are. It is understanding that we all are beautiful in our own way. Margie put a decal on our bathroom mirror that reads Be your own kind of beautiful. It is a great reminder that whatever you do you should try to be the best, most beautiful version of YOU. “What if people don’t like that version?” I am often asked. It reminds me of a saying I once heard.

You might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but not everyone drinks tea.

Simply put if you are the best loving version of yourself the right people will like you.

What, other than placing inspirational saying somewhere you will see them often, can you do to fall in love with yourself? Another tip is to keep a record of your accomplishments. Many of us will put ourselves down for mistakes we made days, weeks or even years ago. Dragging up these memories will not only leave us feeling terrible, it will leave us with a less than favorable image of ourselves. Taking note of, and keeping a record of things we have done well will remind us that even though we may not be happy with ourselves on a particular day, there have been others where we have really kicked butt.

That leads to my last suggestion. Keep a written statement of your goals. Knowing what on earth you are getting out of bed for can make life a lot more inspiring. Even if you are not there yet, knowing you are working towards a worthwhile goal can give you a little boost of self-confidence.

When you are free of the mental baggage that most of us are carrying around you will bring a lighter, more loving version of yourself to the world. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? It also will allow you to help others see the best in themselves. As you can see by improving the friendship we have with ourselves, not only will our lives be better, but we will be able to bring a lot more the lives around us.