Tag: self-care

WORK/LIFE BALANCE AND CHASING RABBITS 🐇

I had the great pleasure of going to the “Best of Milwaukee” party as my lovely lady’s bakery was nominated for 3 different awards. While there I met a new friend who was also an entrepreneur. As we talked, some familiar topics began to creep up. As a business owner she struggled with work life balance. Wondering what was the key to keeping her family healthy and happy as well as keeping her business thriving. She was just wondering how to get to that happy place where both had her best and were doing equally as well.

You do not have to be a business owner, or a mother to find yourself in this position. Although, I believe that emotionally that may be one of the toughest combinations. Many people try their best to balance work and life. Does it not seem that just when you are getting your career on track, your family feels deserted? When you work to increase the love and connection with those you love, you find your bank account is near empty and your career or business is suffering. That is because we have been lied to. We have accepted a truth that does not exist. That false truth is work/life balance.

In order for us to feel satisfied that we have done our best in any area of our life, we must feel we have given 100% of ourselves to it. If you give 100% of yourself to something, how much does that leave left over for any other area of your life? That would be zero. Although that truth does not sound as satisfying as achieving some sort of nirvana work/life balance, it is how the human mind and heart operate. Our joy at our success in the area of achievement will be tempered by a feeling of guilt to those areas we have neglected. This is especially true of high achievers who wish to be their best at everything. Best parent, best business owner, best parent, best spouse or best friend. As the picture above alludes to, you cannot chase two rabbits and catch both of them.

As dismal as this may sound, it is also very liberating. Knowing that it is impossible to be amazing at everything all at once eliminates the pressure of having to be. We should still have the desire to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, and it all the facets that we can be. How do we manage that? One way to do this is set times for each area of your life. Give 100% of yourself to that area in the designated time. Then when the time comes to move to another area, give 100% to that area. You will be giving 100% of yourself, but still setting limits as to not burn yourself out. Also, especially if you are a high-achiever, set a designated time to give 100% to active self-care. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to give to your family, business, job or spouse. The better shape you are in, the better you can give.

Another thing to consider is that each area of your life will experience peaks and valleys. It is not a reflection of a failure on your part. It is the natural way of things. Sometimes your business will be suffering and need a little more of your time. Take note that I said ‘more of your time’ and not ‘all of your time’. If you neglect one area for another, you may find yourself running from fire to fire in your life always feeling like you are failing. It may be hard to take a step back from an area that is not at the level you are striving to get it, but it is essential for creating that balance. The most difficult area to do this is self-care. When your business and family need some attention, you can feel guilty taking time for yourself. It is so important to remember that even a little time giving 100% to self-care can allow you to come back with a better ability to serve the area of your life that needs it.

That is not to say any of this is easy. There will still be days you may feel like a failure in some area of your life. It is merely a sign you care. Now that the more you set defined boundaries and take care of yourself, the better your life will be. The balance is in not trying to do it all at once. Keep in mind there will be peaks and valleys and play the long game. You got this!

YOUR WEEKEND VACATION

It is Friday! The weekend is so close we can taste it. It is our 2 days of vacation from the grind of the 9 to 5. For those of us who still work on the weekend, I feel your pain. For most of us it is a brief chance to focus on friends, family and errands we never got a chance to focus on. A little vacation if you will. The picture above is where I would like to vacation. It is actually where I would not mind living. For you it might be a cabin in the mountains or a penthouse in the middle of the city. Whatever the location, we all have an ideal escape. The odds are we are not currently there.

As I write this I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop I enjoy creating these bits of wisdom for you. The sun is shinning and if I close my eyes I could at least imagine I am writing in a coffee shop in the tropics. For a few moments I can escape reality. This is so important. In a world that can offer us for too many stressful things, it can be vital to have an escape. It is painfully obvious that many of us do not give enough attention to our mental health. Some push ourselves until we snap. We hear about the often tragic effect of letting this happen.

Can closing our eyes and picturing ourselves at a resort in the Maldives really save us from snapping on our coworkers and creating a situation we regret? The answer is both yes and no. Certainly we need to address the root causes of our stress. Taking a mini mental vacation will not do that. What it will do is give us a chance to pause and take a breath. This often gives us the ability to face those challenges in a clearer and healthier mindset. It can save us from yelling at our children, coworker or spouse. This can often make a bad situation worse.

If you are anything like me, and judging by some comments many of you are, you will want to take this up a notch. Although the closing your eyes while writing a blog at Starbucks is fun, it is more powerful the more intense you make this experience. Set aside five or more minutes several times a week. Let the family and friends know you are not to be disturbed during your ‘mental vacation’. Go where you will not be disturbed. This could be a bedroom, your favorite place in nature or anywhere else that works for you. Here is where it gets fun and where you can get creative!

Now that you have found your spot and hit the ‘Do Not Disturb’ button on your life, what is next? Try to create the most immersive experience you can. We are going to use the beach scenario as an example because it is the one I am most familiar with. This will work with whatever vacation you choose to go on. Important to note that you can go different places at different times. Try to gather materials that will engage as many of your senses as possible. In my beach example, this can include a video of the beach with sounds of ocean waves. How about some vanilla or coconut scented oils or candles? A creamy coconut drink? We are already up to 4 of the senses. Do this in a nice hot bath and you will be up to all five!

Do this for as long as, and as often as, you need. You will experience a decrease in stress and an increase in a feeling of overall well-being. Who knows? It could help you manifest a real vacation where you can soak in memories to use in future mental vacation moments!

SLOW DOWN THIS WEEKEND 🐌

We touched on this last post. We need to slow down on occasion. Spending time in nature has so many benefits that we have devoted entire posts to it in the past. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Without the best medicine, there is no way your life can be healthy. One thing that wasn’t listed in the photo above that I believe is important is connection. In all of our lives we need to experience, and feel, a sense of connection. With friends, with nature and with ourselves. This can be a spiritual practice, a meditative practice or making it a point to be present with a night out with friends.

A fun little art project that can die this all together is to come up with a ‘Slow down book’. Just my idea of a title, use whatever speaks to you. This can be something as simple as a notebook, or as fancy as you want to be. In this book, record moments where you do slow down and feel connection and inner peace. You can do this by jotting down a memory of the moment, placing photos you have taken of the event or maybe a menu if it is a place to eat. The possibilities are endless. Customize it as you see fit.

Why is creating a ‘memory book’ so important? Can’t we just remember these moments in our head? Sure, but having a tactile reminder can be such a heart-warming experience. It can supply us with extra feelings of gratitude when viewed after the fact. After a stressful day when we are doing our best to think of a way to unwind, we can review the book and see events that have brought us joy in the past. You would be surprised how difficult thinking can be when you are already stressed out.

I would love to hear about some activities that bring you peace and joy. What do you think about the idea of creating a book like this?

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

We talk a lot on this site about working hard and putting in the effort. Making sure that we keep our goal clearly in mind and always in front of us. That really is part of the secret to an amazing life. I say ‘part’ because achieving goals and improving ourself is merely one side of the coin.

If we accomplished all we set out to do and reached the end of our life drained, lonely and unhappy we could not consider that a successful life. In order to be truly successful, we must also be fulfilled. We must balance enjoying life with conquering life. Find ways to enjoy the process as well as taking clearly defined breaks from the process.

In addition to all of the effort we put forth make sure we practice self-care and be present for all of the special moments we share with those we love.

NEXT TIME YOU SHOWER..

Far be it from me to advise you what to do while you are in the shower. That seems a little invasive from someone you may have never met on the other side of the screen. This meditation might be another secret we could all add to help us reach that amazing life. Developing rituals that lead us in the direction we wish our life to go will be something discussed in depth in my next book. Until that is released, allow me to share this idea with you.

Showering is something we all hopefully do on a regular basis. Why not turn this experience into one that refreshes our soul and spirit? Picturing, and feeling, all of this happen can really give us a change in attitude. I often say when stuck around people who have a ‘sunshine challenged’ attitude that I need to take a shower. This is metaphorical, but I guess does not have to be. Showers are cleansing physically, why not mentally and spiritually as well?

Take the time you spend in the shower to mentally disconnect for a while. It is warm, you are by yourself, you can’t really hear much. If you have a shower speaker, maybe some meditative music would be nice. Picture all of the negativity of the day being washed off you and going down the drain. Feel your energy being renewed. It may be that little bit of peace you need in the middle of a chaotic day,

There are many other cleansing rituals that people do that can work as well. In Native culture there is smoke from smudge or sage that is used to cleanse spiritually. That are people who go to special mineral baths to bath in. Showers are nice because most of us use them on a regular basis. It might be fun to employ this same thinking next time you are caught in the rain as well. The waters could be washing all of the negative energy in your life away. By the time you arrive home, your clothes may be heavier, but your spirit will be lighter.

A GOOD MOOD CAN BE TOUGH

In today’s world, staying in a good mood can be a struggle. On top of all of our daily stress, we have plenty of sources in media, and social media, bringing us the world’s stress. Just keeping our head above water can be a challenge.

Fortunately for us, there are a few steps listed above that can help us reduce our stress and increase our joy. If you need more, check out my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Available on Amazon.

5 simple steps. Sunlight, exercise, good food, gratitude and sleep. If you can develop habits to work these 5 items into your life, your stress will reduce and life will be so much more enjoyable.

TAKE TIME WHEN YOU NEED

It seems there is so much talk in the ‘hustle culture’ of giving 120% every day. While I am a proponent of hard work, which you could see from a few posts ago, there needs to be balance. I can see some of you ready to disagree.

Here is why I think the ‘grind until you drop’ mentality is flawed. When we push ourselves to failure, there are lots of possibilities mistakes to occur. The closer you get to burn out, the more likely this becomes. When you show up on the verge of collapse, you are more likely to say or treat someone harshly. This can cause damage that takes time, or may never, be healed.

Another reason is becoming disenfranchised. You will lose the drive and desire to achieve you goal. You will start to view it as something that drains you instead of drives you. This will slow or kill your progress all together.

Lastly, is the amount of healing time. If you pause before you burn out it will take a lot less time to heal than if you push to collapse. It may be easier to understand this concept if we think physically. If you catch and treat an injury early, the damage can be less and the healing can be done quicker. The same is true mentally and emotionally.

This is not permission for you to be lazy. There is a big difference between healthy self-care and sloth. I’m just saying catch your mental health early, make it a priority and act accordingly.

CONVINCE YOURSELF! 😮

We are all worthy of a good life. Me, you, even the guy who cut you off in traffic. OK, we might not want to wish him a good life at the moment, but I’m sure he deserves one too.

When we convince ourselves that we are worthy of a good life we act differently. We  set boundaries and practice self-care. We take better care of our health and focus on the long-term goal instead of the short-term pleasure. We are also far more likely to treat others with respect and compassion.

How do we convince ourselves we are worthy of a good life? We earn it. How do we earn it? By keeping our word to others, and even more importantly, keeping our word to ourselves. When we say what we are going to do and then follow that up by doing what we say, we earn well-deserved pride. Self-discipline is the greatest source of self-love.

Convince yourself that you are worthy of a good life today! Keep your word. Stay disciplined. Treat others with compassion and kindness. That good life will be yours in no time at all!

WE MADE IT! WE SHOULD NOT HAVE WAITED ✋️

It is Friday! The day so many of us wait for. In some ways, seeing this makes me glad that I work 7 days a week. That may sound crazy to many of you but let me explain. When it comes to planning dates with my beautiful lady, or maybe just treating myself to a bit of self-care like a good cup of coffee and a book, I do not wait for the weekend, as I will be working. I carve little bits of time whenever and wherever I can find them. Quite often we go on a date on a Thursday evening. Maybe I will take Tuesday after work to stop by the local coffee shop and get lost in the current novel I am reading.

The point of all of this is that I do not wait for the weekend, 5 o’clock or any other designated time. Do not misunderstand me, when I go on vacation, I am on vacation. It is more important to find joy in the life you are living rather than working to escape it. When you wait for the weekend, you are essentially resigning yourself to the fact that 5 out of 7 days will be a burden and lacking joy. Can you imagine giving anyone else that advice?

How do we create a life that we do not need a vacation from? By doing the things we preach on this site. Practice gratitude. Be present. Understand that we do not get more life. Time is truly our most precious commodity. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. One day will be your last. Before that day, you will witness the last days of many of the people you love and care about. This is not to sound depressing, but to impress upon you the urgency of changing your perspective of life now. Coming home to Margie is a blessing I am grateful for everyday. One day, it will be the last time we come home to each other. Saturday I am having coffee with my good friend Nick. By listening to him, feeling and expressing the gratitude for the friendship we share will help me be present and fully appreciate the moment. I never know how many more coffees we will share.

How about you? Are you putting off your joy until you reach the destination or are you working on ways to enjoy the journey?

THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT!

I love this thought. With life as busy as it is, many of the simple joys get pushed on the back burner. It is not only time to rediscover them, but to make a point of adding them into our life. These can be simple, inexpensive things that make us smile. Let me give you an example.

Whenever I go to a coffee shop, I’m there for one of two purposes. I’m either there to write. This could be the very blog you are now reading, or working on my next book. The second purpose is to connect and enjoy the company of others. After 23 years of being a bartender, my favorite place to meet friends is a coffee shop.

What does this have to do with simple joys? Those things do give me joy. What i forgot is the simple pleasure of a cup of coffee and a good book. Just relaxing and reading. Deadlines always looming, it makes it hard not to feel guilty about this simple pleasure. It is these simple pleasures that refresh our soul and allow us to face the world. What is your simple pleasure?