Tag: secret2anamazinglife.com

EVERYONE SHOULD DO THIS ONCE IN THEIR LIFE

This post could have been titled many different things. “My secret to happiness” and “23 years of training” were other considerations. Let’s talk about the title i did choose. “Everyone should do this once in their life. ” What should everyone do once in their life? I think everyone should work a job in retail at least once in their life. You should do this for several reasons.

The first reason is that you will have a lot more compassion for people who work in retail. When you may feel tempted to yell at a store clerk during the holidays or demand the coffee shop employee creates your beverage with a certain amount of ice cubes or anything that involves fractions, you will reconsider. You will personally know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that.

The other reason to work a job in retail is to expose yourself to as many different people and ideas as you can. Like anything in life, this can either drive you crazy or make you more open-minded and compassionate. It may be one of the best ways that I know to meet people in many different fields and with many different beliefs. You may discover things that you never knew you enjoyed about some of your fellow human beings. It is good training on managing your emotions when it comes to these same fellow human beings. It will also train you, if you use it for this purpose, on managing your own emotional well-being.

I was a bartender for 23 years. My next book will be my journey from that profession to self-improvement author, speaker and blog writer. In this profession, and just in life in general, one of the questions I get a lot is, “How can you be happy all of the time.” The short answer is that I am not. Margie can certainly attest to that. It also would make life pretty boring. We learn most when we go through challenges. That is where the growth comes from. The goal in life should not be to be happy 100% of the time. You will never achieve that and it may even increase the feelings of failure you have. The goal should be to reduce the frequency and intensity of the times you are not. You should also endeavor to learn from every situation you experience in life.

Learning from everything in life is what I do my best to do. I am always trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. When I think about what allows me to feel upbeat most of the time, a lot of things come to mind. First is gratitude. Developing a attitude of gratitude is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. Surrounding yourself with what Les Brown calls OQP, or only quality people. These are the ones who will both encourage you and hold you accountable. Developing a routine of self-care is another thing that will pay dividends in the long run. I recommend all of these steps to each and every one of you reading this, but it was something I learned on my first day of bartending that made a huge difference.

Jimmy G was the man who trained me. He was one of the most respected bartenders in the city and taught me many things that I will never forget. I had the good fortune to work with and under several amazing men. One of the things Jimmy told me was “Nobody cares about your problems.” He went on to explain that you never want to walk into a bar with a depressed or even indifferent bartender. Whatever is happening in your life, for the time you are behind the bar you must put it behind you. “When you are done working you can go back to being sad, mad or whatever else you are dealing with. When you are behind the bar, you must act as if it is the greatest day of your life.” I used this same manner of thinking when it came to working the window area of the post office. Even if people dealt with me for a mere 60 seconds, I wanted it to be the best 60 seconds of their day.

What I learned by being ‘happy’ for an eight hour bartending shift, is that you can emotionally compartmentalize many emotions. I was forced to learn many methods and find the ones that worked for me. Doing this for the time I was working taught me that I could still have things crumbling down in my life and manage a positive outlook. In doing so, it allowed me to see opportunities and solutions I may have missed if I was in the whirlwind of negative emotion focused on what is wrong. This is a skill that has stuck with me. I am grateful for the chance to learn it. Having a positive outlook, even one that may be just ‘show’ for the public, can help us see ways in which to do so authentically.

SIMPLE BUT IMPORTANT QUESTION🤔

When was the last time you asked yourself the very important question, “how can I enjoy life?” I mean actually sat down and mapped out a plan to enjoy life more. It has been quite a while for me. Considering the extent our emotional well-being affects our quality of life, you would think it would be something we ask ourselves often. Yet, it is a question we not only rarely map out an answer to, but hardly ever ask.

I believe the reason we do not place more of our focus on what brings our hearts joy, is because we have been trained to focus on getting things done. Especially in Western society, the focus has been more material. Get that good job. Get that promotion. Get that new car. I’m not here to tell you that having a goal you are working on is a bad thing, quite the opposite. I just believe you should also focus on enjoying the process.

Would you feel that you were a success if you had a great job, a great car, a fancy house and all that money could buy but were miserable? I’m guessing the answer would be no. Material gains are of little value if we are bankrupt emotionally and spiritually. One of the secrets of being happy is being grateful for what you have. Combine this ‘attitude of gratitude’ with the desire to have something better and you have a successful formula for most areas of your life.

Take your relationships for example. If your sole focus is “This relationship should be better.” You are going to feel miserable. Conversely, if your thought is “I am so grateful to be in this relationship. I wonder how I can make it even better?” That will give you an entirely different feeling!

Same holds true for your job. If your thought everyday is “This job sucks!” I can tell the morning commute will not be that much fun. If,however, you say yourself, “I am grateful to have a job. I wonder how I could enjoy it more?” Even if you really want a different job, you can still say to yourself, “I am grateful to have a job while I am pursuing a vocation that speaks to my soul”

In all areas of your life,please remember to include enjoying the process. We spent 80% of our life in the process. If we can find a way to enjoy that, we quite possibly come close to enjoying 100% of life. Try asking yourself today, “what can I do to enjoy my life more?” I would love to hear some of your answers in the comments below!

PRESCRIBED DELUSIONS 🤪

Delusions are usually something that is frowned upon. People who see things that “are not there” or see them differently than our reality deems them to be are often looked upon as if they are crazy. In fact, the word delusional is often used as an insult. People who live in a world of their own are often looked at as ‘mad’ such as the character in Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter. Which was attributed to the use of mercury in the making of hats back in the day. Mercury poison aside, there are many reasons people suffer delusions. Not all people suffer delusions. Some rather enjoy them. I recall another roll played by Johnny Depp, that in Don Juan DeMarco. It is one of my favorite movies. I will not ruin it for you, but in the movie Mr. Depp thinks he is the legendary Don Juan and is placed under the care of a psychiatrist, played by Marlon Brando. When asked why he thinks he is at a villa instead of a mental hospital, he responds by informing Mr. Brando that it is because he can see beyond what is.

For a more personal and helpful example, I am going to reference someone who has been called delusional and crazy quite often – me! At my day job this week, I have been wearing some fun and colorful shirts that Margie bought for me. Everyone complimented me and told me it had them feeling like they were on vacation. That is the secret we are going to look at today. One of the great laws that we can used to beat stress is to remember that there is no law of biology or physics that says your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. We often use this in a negative way. When we should be enjoying the time we are spending with our family around the dinner table, our minds are preoccupied with some stress that happened at the office. We spend a good amount of our vacation worrying about our upcoming dentist appointment. We all too often take ourselves out of enjoyable situations and transport, at least our mental faculties, into one that is more stressful.

My suggestion, and one I use personally, is to flip this formula on its head. When you find yourself in a unpleasant situation, take your mind on a mental vacation! Like I told my coworkers who complimented my shirts, “Physically, I am here talking to you, but mentally I am on a beach drinking out of a coconut.” This is rather true. One of the ways that I am able to accomplish this is to utilize different items that remind me of vacation. I have pictures of Margie and I on vacation in my phone. I wore the tropical shirts I had. Even use a coconut air-freshener. I even have a ‘tropical playlist’ of music and ocean waves saved on my phone. Using these items allow me to escape mentally to the tropics any time that I want. This allows me to live on vacation!

Employing this formula for good can transform your life to one of being right where you want to be. Mentally, you can hang up a sign that says “Gone to the beach” (or mountains, or shopping or wherever else you would like to go) That way when you finally do make it there physically, your mind will be prepared and you can make the most of it. Think of escaping to Fiji while you are in the dentist chair or the sunny sands of Jamaica while in line at the grocery store. This may sound crazy, but the more you practice it, the more you will immerse yourself in a world of your own creation. Go ahead and create your own delusions! Go ahead and be crazy. Go ahead and be mad. Sometimes a delusion is just the prescription we need!

MIRACLES ARE EVERYWHERE!😃

A few posts ago we looked at a quote from Albert Einstein. It highlighted the choice between living life as though nothing was a miracle, or living life as though everything was a miracle. Can you really live life as though everything was a miracle? You can and it can be easier than you think!

I believe there are two keys to living your life as though everything was a miracle. The first is to begin to look for them. There are two examples in the pictures above. The first is how the scoop came out of my protein powder. I was on the way to the gym and not really feeling my workout and there appears a smiley face on my scoop from my protein powder! The second was a majestic sunrise on my way to work. Seldom am I feeling it on the way to work. Seeing this wonderful example of natures beauty does give a lift to the spirit!

The second key to living life as though everything was a miracle is to ask yourself “what is the miracle in this?” Again, we get an example of some majestic natural beauty. That would be the love of my life, Margie. When I think of our love and ask myself, “What is the miracle in our love?” There are many answers to choose from. It is a miracle that we found each other. It is a miracle that we made it through many difficult challenges early on before our love even had a chance to grow. It seems like a miracle how we find new ways to make our love grow. Imagine how your view of your relationship might change if you asked yourself, “What is the miracle in my relationship?”

Try doing those two things this month. Look for the Miracles around you. Then pick situations and ask yourself “What is the miracle in this?” You will be surprised how that will change your view of your relationship, your job, and even your time in line at the grocery store. Walking through the park, I saw the miracle of life with this baby duck and its mother. You can live life as though everything was a miracle by doing these two things. Soon you will discover that, indeed, everything is a miracle.

WATCH WHAT YOU SAY! 🤫

This is something most of us, myself included, do without even thinking about it. We speak to ourselves negatively. You call a female “sir” or say “thank you” to the proctologist. Then you curse yourself out for being so absent-minded with your speaking. “How could I call that lady sir? I’m so stupid!” Or “Only an idiot thanks someone for exploring places of your body that should be left alone!”

Examples don’t have to be so extreme. There are a million “How could I?” and “I can’t believe I” Often, we say these things so frequently, we might not even be aware we are doing it. Ask yourself, do you honestly pay close attention to your self-talk or does it seem to take on a life of its own? Is it like a computer program that is constantly running in the background? Maybe you check in every now and again, or maybe you are do busy focused on all you have to get accomplished that day?

The truth is we are always talking to ourselves. Imagine someone following you around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and giving opinions and passing judgment on our activities. What if 80% of the things this person said were negative? How long before you would tell that person to sit down and shut up? According to the National Science Foundation, that is exactly the percentage of our daily thoughts that are negative. If that isn’t bad enough, 95% of our thoughts are the same thoughts we had the day before. If you are keeping score at home, that means there is a 95% chance that 80% of your self-talk is negative.

Does this mean we are resigned to a life of doom and gloom? Not hardly. What can the average person do to change their inner dialog to one that is more positive? As we have said countless times on this site, the key to success is not fighting against the negative, but adding the positive. This is where all of those smiling at yourself in the mirror saying “I love you” people come in. Although this is very beneficial, initially it may be a bit hard to accept.

I suggest writing yourself a positive motivational affirmation that includes your name and try saying that to yourself first thing every morning. An example might be something like “You are going to kick some butt today Neil, and no challenge will be able to bring you down.” Another option could be “Neil, you are too strong to let the negative in the world bring you down.” Even these may seem a little hokey at first, but they are true. Are you doing your best to improve your life? Are you working your butt off to accomplish your dreams? I bet you are and you deserve to hear that! Especially from yourself!

This week try looking in your eyes in the mirror and saying one positive affirmation twice a day. First thing in the morning and last thing at night. Notice how your conversation improves and how much better you start to feel. Don’t worry if you still catch yourself still talking negative to yourself once in a while. Just focus on that affirmation. Maybe even repeat it to yourself when you do Notice negative inner dialog.

THERE ARE ONLY 2 WAYES TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Only seconds ago, I just completed my third book. My hope us to have it edited and in your hands by my birthday on July 29th. We will do our best to make sure that happens.

In the closing chapter, I came across this quote from Albert Einstein. Nothing could be more true. It is a shame most of us never realize this until we are facing a severe health challenge, or worse yet, facing the end of our life. We do not have to let it come to that. There are so many Miracles that come into our lives we have become desensitized to them. Merely breathing and how our bodies transform the air we breathe into a source to keep us alive. Don’t even get me started on changing food to energy and raw material. As an author, my body can change caffeine into words on paper or a keyboard! Trust me when I tell you that is a miracle.

Many people journal. I think it is one of the most powerful tools to positively transform your life. People do everything from gratitude journals, to just keeping a diary. What if we kept a miracle journal? Just record everything we considered a miracle in our lives? It would not only help us better notice the Miracles, but be able to feel the joy in realizing they are there.

I would LOVE to hear what miracle you have experienced or noticed today? Feel free to share with everyone in the comments below. My miracle is that I can turn my recent open heart surgery into a book that will hopefully positively impact the lives of countless people!

HEY BUDDY! THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER!

Today will be a quick, yet important blog. I want to remind everyone how vital our simple acts of kindness can be. A few posts ago, I did this by sharing stories of some nice notes left to me from a coworker and barista. Today’s example was far more striking.

This example came in one line that was uttered to me. Margie told me it was common courtesy. I’m telling you it really saved me from a bad situation. I was at the gym working out some stress as I do 4 to 5 days a week. Before I left there was an urgent matter I had to attend to on the men’s room. As I walked past the first stall, I noticed the door was closed and it was occupied. I hurried to the next one and was just about to take my place upon the porcelain throne, when a voice from the stall next to me rang out. Taking to a stranger while sitting in what is perhaps the most vulnerable position takes some courage. For men, even more so. What important words of wisdom did this gent feel so eager to share with me? That would be the title of this blog. The man shouted “Hey buddy! There is no toilet paper!”

He did not have to do this. I was sure glad he did. In my excitement at the prospect of handling my business, I had failed to check the toilet paper supply situation. This gentleman saved what could have been a quite embarrassing moment for me. Having to yell out, get someone’s attention to let them know there was no toilet paper,wait for that person to tell the appropriate party, and then wait for them to get the paper and hand it to me in the stall. Yes, that might have cast a long shadow on the day.

That man in the other stall, never did see who he was, saved me from a bad day by simply displaying a common courtesy. Not a big deal for him, but certainly one for me. Remember this comical story as you go about your day and make sure to go the extra mile for the people in your life.

THE POWER OF PURPOSE

Baby swan

This is a subject that I feel has been written about at great length. There is great scientific evidence that having a purpose does great things for your life. It can reduce stress. It can help guide you as to what actions you should take. It can also help sustain you when things are not going so well. In my own life, I have even felt a sense of energy and resilience when keeping my purpose in mind. This is why you owe it to yourself to spend some time on finding your true purpose. What we are going to look at today can take anywhere from a few seconds, to a few minutes. Nothing more than that. It will be easy and it will be fun. It will also give you a taste of all the wonderful benefits we mentioned above.

As we can see in the picture of the baby swan above, it is walking with a sense of purpose. One of the most difficult things about finding your purpose, is that people look at it as this larger-than-life activity. It doesn’t have to be. There are two important things to consider when finding your purpose. One, your purpose can change. You don’t have to worry about choosing the wrong purpose or making a mistake. You can always decide to tweak your purpose as you, and your life change. You can even decide to scrap it and choose a new one. You will still move further and faster than going through life without one. There is a fun little exercise you can do while you are pondering what your life purpose may be. It takes no time at all and will add a great deal of positive things to your life.

The secret to helping your mind get used to living with purpose is to start out small. Pick a daily purpose. It could be to clean a section of the house. A good purpose could be to reach out to someone you know is hurting just to offer them support. Hopefully, everyone in your life is happy and not hurting. If this is the case, you could even send a card, or even an email or message, just to say you were thinking of them and appreciate them. Your purpose may be to bring more joy into a friendship or relationship. Perhaps today’s purpose is to give 110% on the job site. There are more spiritual/emotional ways to go about it. Your purpose could be to just spend quality time with friends and be fully present, like these ducks and birds were doing when I happened upon them. Devoting time to self-care can be a great purpose. Spending 30 minutes with a good cup of tea or coffee and a great book can do wonders for the spirit. The more you practice these ‘daily purposes’ the easier it is to live a life that is both rewarding as well as fulfilling.

I would love to hear more about what activities you decide to choose as your daily purpose. Are you a parent that decides to impart one item of life knowledge with your child? Was your purpose to do one thing to improve your relationship with your boss? Maybe you would like to take a step to help local wildlife? I would love to hear what you decide. Your ideas could help spark an idea in someone else. Who knows what that might lead to? As a bonus, when you do these ‘little’ life purposes, you will not only see one aspect of your life improve daily, you will also have a daily sense of accomplishment.

MINDSET OF THE BEST

If you have followed me for any length of time, you know I am a fan of many different authors and speakers. Today’s post is courtesy of one such individual, David Goggins. David is a raw and real speaker that may be offensive in his language to some. He does, however, have a wealth of knowledge and great information. One of my favorite subjects he speaks on is the mindset of greatness. His best comparison is that of a job interview. When we are first interviewing for a job, what do we do days, weeks or even longer before? We make sure our clothes are ready, have our coffee cup out, a breakfast ready to be made. In short, we are preparing to make it as easy as possible to bring our best self to the interview. It usually works, and we get the job. What happens several months to a year down the line? We no longer put our clothes out the night before. Maybe our breakfast isn’t ready. Perhaps we are a few minutes late because we had to wait for the coffee to brew. We become comfortable. We have the job and so why spend the time doing all of the extras?

This can happen even sooner for some of us. It is a natural sort of progression. Should the company face the prospect of having to downsize, or we hear a rumor that we might lose our job, then we amp up our efforts once again. Of course, once that threat lessens or goes away entirely, we are back to going through the motions of going to work and coming home. Les Brown, another favorite speaker, once said we do enough at a job not to get fired, and they pay us just enough not to quit. That may very well be true. Another fact is that if you are looking to be promoted or to get a raise, all you need to do is to do more work than is required for you. Companies will not want to lose an employee with that mindset. They will do everything they can to hang on to someone who is willing to ‘go the extra mile’.

Our job is not the only place this thinking shows up. One of the places were we tend to do this the most is in our intimate relationships. When we are trying to win someone’s affection, or shortly after we do so, we act a certain way. We send flowers for no reason. We are more likely to do things for that person without complaint. Fast forward being together for years and what happens? We, almost subconsciously, take the relationship, if not the person, for granted. We think to ourselves that area of our life is ‘handled’ and we can place our energy elsewhere. We start to compliment them less. Maybe we show less affection. When they ask us to do something, it feels more like a chore.

Much like our job, if a challenge arises, so do our efforts. If the person we are with suddenly has an attractive new coworker, or maybe they do something that indicates they might be thinking of moving on, then we begin to put more effort into our relationship with them. Maybe we come home with some flowers. We might take time out of our work day to send them a loving text or perhaps a quick call. Once we become comfortable again, our efforts may start to dwindle. If you want a more amazing and deeper relationship, the steps are the same as getting a promotion or raise at work. All we have to do to take our relationships to the next level is go the extra mile. In short, do all of the amazing things we did when we were trying to win them and we will only serve to strengthen and deepen the relationship we have.

A good bonus of this thinking is that there should be more ideas the longer you are together. In the years Margie and I have been together, I have learned many new things that make her happy and feel loved. In some cases, I have been there when she discovered them for herself. I was able to do so by active listening. This means every day I am consciously on the lookout for those things that bring joy to the heart and a smile to the face of the woman I love. This took some effort and reminding myself in the beginning, but now it is second nature to me. The rewards of this have been worth their weight in gold. At any time I have a growing list of things I can do, say or make happen that will not only make her happier, but strengthen and deepen her love for me. I confess, I should probably be doing this more often, but as our love continues to grow so does the opportunities to make it grow.

Don’t worry if you have been guilty of falling into these ruts. We all do so to some degree. The secret is being able to recognize that and to pull ourselves out of them. Another way to look at this – the longer you have been in this rut and the deeper you are, the greater the opportunity for improvement! When you begin to look for and do the little extras, your life, your job and your relationships, both intimate and others, will transform before your eyes! I would love to hear what other areas of your life you feel this could come in handy.

IT PAYS YOU BACK

In the business world, there is often talk of ROI, or return on investment. Meaning, what are you going to receive for the effort, time or money that you are investing in a certain project or person. In many ways, we could benefit greatly by viewing our lives more like a business. ROI can come in handy in lots of areas. Take working out for example. What is the return on investment for spending an hour or so at the gym? Sure, there are sore muscles and the overwhelming need to take a shower. If we consider the long-term ROI, there is a reduction in heart health issues. There is more time, and healthier time to spend with those we love. There is also the fact that bending over to pick something up will not cause us to throw out our back. How about being able to make it up a flight of stairs without a sherpa or oxygen mask?

Another area of life that pays great dividends is being kind. Going the extra mile for others. This is not to say our main motivation for helping others should be to see what we can get out of it. Again, I will quote Earl Nightingale who said we should treat each other as the most important people on the planet for 2 very good reasons. First, because to that person, they are the most important person and second, because that is how we should treat each other. The second reason is what I feel should be our main motivation. When you think of the people in your own life, which ones do you enjoy spending the most time around? The ones who will go the extra mile for you or the ones who are self-centered? Going the extra mile can mean a lot of things. The picture above is a card I received from a coworker after I helped her out. It was a simple thing that took me about 10 minutes to do, but it made a big difference to her. How do you think I felt when she gave me the card? I felt good and appreciated and made my day a little better. That is a great ROI.

This second picture comes from a coffee shop by my work. I stop on the way home on occasion to get a nice refreshing beverage. This day I got a little sandwich too. As busy as they are, they took a second to scribble this little note on the bag. Why would the fellow who did this take the time to thank me and what exactly was he thanking me for? Every day that I come in, I make sure to be kind and cheerful. I appreciate the work that they do and the service they provide me. I do so with the knowledge that I am sure they have customers who do the exact opposite. It is for this reason that I am sure they were thanking me. Once again, when I was expecting just a coffee and a sandwich, how do you think this little note made me feel? If you guessed it lifted my spirits and put a smile on my face, you would be right!

Again, I must say that what you get should not be your main motivation behind doing things. Thinking of what the return on whatever action you are about to take will improve your life. What do you think sending a friend a message letting them know you are thinking about them and appreciate them might be? It would make your friend feel happy. It would probably have them appreciating you as a friend more. They may even return the favor at some point in the future. How about bringing home flowers for the one you love? This would certainly make them feel special. It would show them that you were thinking about them when they were not around and in the future when you do mess up it may end up even helping you. How about being kind in retail settings you find yourself in? Certainly would help the employees day. It may help take the sting out of an experience with a bad customer they might have had. It would also help get you better service next time you are there.

I encourage everyone to take a second and ask themselves, what it the return on the investment I am about to make? If it is eating a doughnut, you might have the ROI of feeling good in the moment, but then what? Would you feel guilty about eating something not so good for you? What would the return on investment be for your health? Same with doing random acts of kindness. You may never see a physical payback for the kind act, but the feeling of self-satisfaction and pride in being a good human is a great return on investment. I would love to hear more examples you can come up with.