In place of the usually bits of wisdom and inspiration we have a special announcement. Today marks the one year anniversary of the very first post on this blog. Today I am feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude to quite a few people. Ironically the first post I ever created was entitled ‘gratitude’ If you haven’t read it before I encourage you to scroll back and check it out. Several reasons this is good. One, is to see how much better this blog has gotten. Two, to see how full circle we have come and three because out of all the traits you can develop to turn your life around gratitude would probably be the biggest. it is impossible to feel fearful while feeling grateful. It is impossible to feel sad while feeling completely grateful. I just want to take a second and throw a few names out there that make this all possible. I want to thank Aileen who in her own unique way helped me discover my true purpose in life and get this thing all turned around. I wish to thank Kristina who not only continues to encourage me, but gave me great information and motivation to do both this blog and my upcoming book. Never would I thought we would have become such good friends, but I am glad we did. Alysa and Carmen, I know I have mentioned you a million times, but truly you have no idea how much your words that one fateful evening pushed me forward. To Kim who daily gives me so much feedback and insight which helps make everything I do that much better. you are amazing and honestly I’m not sure I would’ve kept this up without you. Kierston, thank you for reminding me of what is possible when we follow our dreams! Margie, thank you for being a recent blessing to my life. Your creative influence will only continue to be a greater blessing. Janell, thank you for all the well wishes. May your journey find it’s joy. Michelle, my amazing sister, not only do you give me great constructive criticism, but you are a better promoter than I will ever be. Love you to pieces. To my publisher Brooke, you must have the patient of a saint. I thank you for all your understanding! All the people who read this blog, take time to comment or share this site, or now our Facebook page with those you love and care about or just people you know are looking to improve your life, I thank you for coming with me on this amazing journey! I promise tomorrow we will return to the inspiration. As we look forward to all that we are going to become and accomplish let us have a moment to pause and be grateful for all we have learned and become wiser, healthier and more enlightened this past year!
Tag: Religion and Spirituality
Using the gifts you have despite the challenges you face
Funny how a lot of things come full circle. I started writing blog posts for an online paper called ‘The Patch’ a few years back. One of the first stories I did was about a lady who was a regular visitor to the local coffee shop in the village I was working in. It has been two years since the post office has seen fit to move me to a different location. This past Saturday I was filling in at that very station again. I decided to stop by the coffee shop to see a good friend of mine who usually works there on Saturdays. Turns out she was off, but I did run into the very lady I had written a post about two years ago. If you did not follow me a few years ago let me recap the story of this lady and if you did let me update you on where life finds her at this time. Her name is Michelle. She is a middle aged woman of a smaller stature. She is a mentally challenged individual who does not drive, is unable to hold down a “real job”. She lived with her parents as she was unable to survive on her own. Every day I would see her walking up and down the streets of the little village whether the temperature was 90 degrees or 9 degrees. Finally one day our paths crossed while I was on lunch and I asked her what she was doing walking up and down the streets. Her answer was simple, yet powerful and blew me away. “Looking for people who need help” she told me. I must have had a look that bordered between surprise and confusion. Sensing I wasn’t totally grasping what she meant she went on to explain. “I know I am not the smartest person in the world, but God has given me the mission of helping people” She went on to explain that when she finds someone who is down on her luck she will sit and pray with them. Knowing how uncomfortable that can make some people I asked her if anyone had ever objected and if so what did she do. She said some people tell her to leave them alone or that they are not interested. She told me she then continues on and as she does prays for them. As she explained to me “they don’t have to know I am praying for them to have it help them”. I couldn’t help but thinking if I offered somebody emotional support and they told me to leave them alone would my first reaction be to pray for them? She left me by saying a prayer for me right there in the coffee shop. Although her faith and mine are not exactly the same I was struck by the power of her faith and her public display of it as well as her love of her fellow humans on this planet. So here I was two years later and I asked her what was new in her world. She explained to me that her parents had passed away and she had to move to a different city with a caregiver. She informed me that she had joined a new church in that area and volunteered in several different groups. She also said that at least twice a month she had her caregiver drop her off in that same village so she could “check on everyone” I was struck by a few points here. This lady is somebody that our society has deemed unfit to even hold a job, much less live on their own. She is faced with daily challenges I cannot even begin to imagine. If she were to fall on a path of drug abuse or homelessness nobody could blame her. Still this woman who some would say was barely able to help herself has devoted her life to helping others in any way she can. Do the rest of us follow the same path or do we complain about every little thing that is not going according to plan in our lives? This week it is time to look for opportunities to help others. To make a difference. If a middle-aged woman with limited means and mental ability can use her amazingly large heart to bring such an amazing difference why can’t you and I?
MIRACLE IN THE MEN’S ROOM
We have all heard the idea that we become what we think about. The power of thought has been promoted by some of the greatest beings to have lived including Jesus, Buddha, and leaders of almost every other spiritual belief system. It has recently been made popular in such recent books as “The Secret” and the “Law of Attraction” series by Jerry and Ester Hicks. One of the most powerful ways to capitalize on this power to change our lives is through the feeling of expectation. Think of how you feel when you have a negative expectations. Remember as a child waiting for that bad report card from school? yeah, me neither I was a perfect student as well. How about that review from the boss? Any situation we are dreading can be made far worse by us thinking about it or worse worrying about it. Our stomachs turn in knots…we become nauseous. Sometimes we develop a headache. We can literally make ourselves sick. Quite often the moment is never as bad as we feared. Even if it is, we have not made it any better by worrying ourselves sick about it. Think about the flip side of this. When we are excited about something. A date with a person whose company we really enjoy, a vacation we have been planning. The sad part is I know of a lot of people who use the negative power of expectation with these good things as well. I know a friend who had been planning a trip to the islands for some time. I saw her about a week before and she looked genuinely upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me it was getting so close to her vacation she was getting nervous. She told me she was hoping that nothing would go wrong with the flight or the reservations. She was also going to pick up some medicine because she was worried she would get sick on the food. To avoid the overwhelming urge to ask her what the hell was wrong with her and to quite frankly get some ‘fresh air’ I excused myself to go visit the men’s room. Ok, probably not the best place to get fresh air, but I really needed to stop listening to a recital of all the things that can go wrong on vacation. What happened next was one of those moments that the divine power gave me a little extra help. While ‘taking care of my business’ I happened to notice what one fabulous soul decided to jot down on the wall of the men’s room. There is black magic marker was written the phrase “Do yourself a favor, expect a miracle” as I made my way back to the table my friend was at no doubt thinking of sharks attacking her while snorkeling I pondered the power of the this simple statement. If we truly are expecting miracles in our lives that fills us with a sense of hope, a feeling of joyous expectation. Even when we run into what seems to be a negative challenge if we can maintain that feeling of positive expectation we can more easily make it through the tough times. As for my friend? Sadly to say her vacation was amazing, she did not get food poisoning and all her worry, fear and dread served no purpose other than to ruin the days leading up to her vacation. So do yourself a favor and listen to the soon to be famous artist from the men’s room at my local watering hole- expect a miracle in your own life.
ANOTHER FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION…
Ok, this title is kind of a lie. This is more like a frequently heard statement. When I start talking happiness and positivity to some people the response I get is something along the lines of “I’ll be happy when I win the lottery” or “I’ll be happy when I finally get a car that runs decent” more money, more health, more friends. Yes all those things can add joy to our lives. Those things can also be taken from us. True happiness is something that happens within. Positivity is an outlook and a journey, not an event or a destination. I know this sounds rather ‘new age’ and fluffy. In fact before I started this journey myself I would’ve argued happiness can be found at the bottom of a glass of rum. On a tough day at the post office, you may still get that argument. To better explain the theory that happiness is an inside job, let me cite a quote from a great modern-day philosopher
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body”
George Carlin
Does wearing a cross around your neck make you a more spiritual person? No more than wearing your favorite players jersey would make you a great athlete. Our spirituality, our happiness, very few things are more important to us. So why let your happiness be determined by outside factors? If you develop inner joy and then win the lottery imagine how much happier you would be? What if you develop inner happiness and then lose your job? How much better would you be equipped to handle that? Truth be told I may discover one of both of those here in a short period of time. The point here is in order to have a sense of peace and joy you can count on, you must develop it within. You cannot make it dependent on outside factors. You must take control over the important things in your life. Your happiness should be one of those areas.
LOVE YOU LIKE A RITUAL..
Ok, this is actually a title of a song I really like, but has a lot to do with today’s topic. One of the questions I am asked frequently is “Well what do YOU do that makes you so happy all of the time” I am always a bit nervous at answering this one, because sometimes if I tell people and they try it and it does not work, two terrible things happen. One, they begin to doubt the information they receive here or from me. They also may begin to question whether there are really things they can do to increase their passion and joy in life. Two, they think they have done something wrong or worse yet that they have failed somehow, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is that happiness is not a one size fits all production. What makes me happy may not make you happy for whatever reason. Being surrounded by beautiful women and rum makes me happy, some of my friends may not share this method of happiness. Although I do encourage everybody to try it. Fortunately in my life both things are in ample supply, but alas we are back to the gratitude blog again.
To get back to today’s topic, rituals. This is something that occurred to me is something that I do daily that everyone can do and customize to their liking. Develop a daily ‘happiness ritual’ on the surface this may sound a bit goofy, I know it does to me. So much so that I wasn’t even aware I had several that I do that seem to work well. To avoid further complicating a simple issue let me just give you a few examples. there are a few things I noticed that I do on a daily basis. When somebody asks me how I am doing my answer is never “ok, how are you” or even “pretty good thanks for asking” no if someone is kind enough to inquire as to my daily well-being they are usually greeted with a “Legendary!” or “Living the dream” when you change your answer to that imagine what that is telling your subconscious mind? Not to mention saying and hearing the words themselves. When I stop at Starbucks for a morning coffee I usually toast the lady and say “Here’s to an amazing day” although I wouldn’t suggest sipping it right away, those cups are really hot! You do not have to use the above examples if they sound too crazy for you. After all I am a little different from most. Are there things you do every day? Shower I hope? why not say to yourself, or out loud, “here’s to a clean start” When you get in the car and turn the key maybe have the thought, or even say the words “Driving into my successful future” It doesn’t have to be sane to be a good one. Every morning I drive by a field of cows and I always say “have a great day girls” If anybody was with me they may think I am nuts, and quite frankly it does make me question my own sanity, but do you know what else it does? Make me smile! So develop your own daily ritual. Find something you do that you can turn into a daily smile. If you involve another person…cow…horse or something else even better! Rituals are an important part of any culture, what not make them an important part of your day?
ONE SECRET KEY…
In life there are many tips and tricks we can employ to assist us in living a better life. Among these there are the few secret keys that can have a radical effect on several areas of our life, but changing just one thing. Today we are going to discuss one of these. The funny thing about these keys is they are often deceptively simple. How would you like a trick that could make every business meeting more productive? Every moment with a friend or loved one more enjoyable? Every difficult situation go a little more smoothly? Of course you would. Who wouldn’t? not anyone reading a blog like this one I am sure. Here is this key, simple and to the point – a sense of purpose – Now what do I mean by a sense of purpose? Decide ahead of time what you want out of any situation. Perhaps you have to make a call to apologize to a friend you may have upset. Before you dial the number take a second to decide what it is you want to solve in this phone call. Do you wish to convey that fact that you feel terrible about hurting this person’s feelings? Do you wish to find a plan for the future so this doesn’t happen again? Or is your goal to just repair the friendship at all costs? Repeat your goal over and over in your mind for several minutes before you actually call. Perhaps you may even wish to write it down so you can have it in front of you? Then while you are in the middle of the conversation you thoughts and words are directed to your desired outcome. If the conversation starts to get off track, think of your goal and how you can steer it back.
Now this does not only have to be a ‘problem solving’ issue like stated above. It can work wonders in almost every other area of your life as well. On your way home from work, decide what you desire out of the evening with your spouse or family. Is it to convey your gratefulness for their love and support? Is it to show them that they are loved? Or is it simply to avoid screaming at them in frustration? The last one is kind of a joke, as you know from former posts I am always insistent on stating things in the positive. Especially goals! Now think of instead of dreading going into that boring work meeting you say to yourself, “What do I wish to get out of this meeting?” decide on that and the meeting may take on a whole new look. Say you are meeting your friend for coffee or dinner just to be social. Think of what you may wish to discuss with this friend. Do you wish to inquire on the health of their family? Let them know how grateful you are that you are friends? Perhaps even encourage them to finish that book they have been writing. That last one may have been a hint for my friends. now, the point here is if we enter any situation with a clearly defined desired outcome it may make fun times that much more enjoyable and the hard times a little more bearable. The point here is not to obsess. you do not have to have a goal for going to the bathroom other than the obvious, or for enjoying a rum and coke, which for me is rather obvious as well. Just try to add a few more into your life and you will notice how quickly your life can improve!
ASK A BETTER QUESTION
Evaluations, we all do them every day. What is an evaluation? It is really a question. Was that concert good last night? How good was the concert last night? What does all this have to do with you and living an amazing life? Another good question. Here is what I hope you will find to be a good answer. Asking yourself the proper questions can make all the difference between success and failure. It is another way to take advantage of the way the brain works. Let me give you an example. I have a friend who constantly dates men who are not right for her. After the relationship fails she always asks the same question, “how could I be so stupid?” When your brain hears this it subconsciously goes to work on finding out why you could be so stupid and usually supplies the conscious mind with several answers. Normally when you receive answers to questions you ask it should make you happy? If you are always asking disempowering question like the one above, or see if you can ever remember asking yourself questions like these. “Why does this always happen to me?” ” How come I can never get this right?” “How come I can never get ahead?” These are all perfect examples of questions that will lead you nowhere. Start asking yourself empowering questions. If you find yourself always dating the wrong person, ask yourself “What can I learn from this?” or one of my favorites is “What do I have to be grateful for in this situation?”. Sometimes the little devil on your shoulder will scream “Nothing you idiot, this situation sucks!” Even if it does, there is always something to be grateful for. So how do we get past that little negative voice in your ear? This is where fun things like tricking your own mind comes into play. Ok, so I don’t feel like being grateful for anything, but if I did want to find something to be grateful/happy/optimistic about what would that be. That way you are giving that voice room to do its thing while still focusing on the positive. So pay attention to the questions you ask yourself. They can literally empower or disempower you. So do yourself a favor and ask the right question.
CELEBRATE THE VICTORY!
I’d like to share a fun memory with you. Do you have one amazing friend that you feel you have known forever. In fact, what you stop to reflect on your history together it seems hard to imagine you at one point in time didn’t have each other in your lives? Well this is such a story, and it comes with a very valuable lesson as well. I had met a this person through a long time friend of mine. As far as first impressions go it was an interesting one. In an attempt to cheer up our friend who was having relationship problems she went on to tell stories of why she didn’t care for men and how insensitive they can be. Being the only man at the table I learned it was probably wise just to not say anything at this point then say the wrong thing. As it turns out throughout our friendship I have made up for that plenty of times by saying the wrong thing, quite often at the wrong time. I dare not repeat the parting words of this conversation, but it did end with a toast.
Fast forward a few weeks and the same friend asks if I would like to me her and a few lady friends out for martinis. Well never being one to turn down such an offer I was excited to go. Well, this poor friend was still having relationship issues shall we say. As I got there I noticed the same girl who had voiced her displeasure with my gender was in attendance. She seemed extra joyful this evening. I was later to learn this is her normal state of being and the ‘man hating’ if you will was just an attempt to make our friend feel better about the certain situation. I soon learned part of the reason for the joyous atmosphere was they were celebrating my friend Angela getting a new job. Now maybe it is because I don’t have friends who either switch jobs or are too worried about being employed, but I had not been to such a celebration for a while. Not that I need a reason to enjoy a good martini, but I began to think of reasons I could be celebrating. First I started with the obvious, I was with 3 beautiful women drinking martinis. Then I thought about the fact that I am employed, I was meeting new friends…the list went on. Now I know this sounds close to finding reasons to be grateful and it is, but there is a very distinct difference. I am grateful daily for my beautiful friend Angela who was the one celebrating that evening. I am grateful for all the adventures we have had. Every time we get together (although those times are rare now that she moved out of state) we always seem to be celebrating something. That is truly how life should be, one continuous celebration. So next time you find yourself with a cocktail in your hand, or a cup of coffee, tea or whatever else you may be enjoying, even if you are by yourself, raise your glass and propose a toast. Even if all you can manage is “here’s to me because I am amazing” celebrate my friends because every day of this life we enjoy is a gift. I want to thank Angela for showing me that and for providing me one of the greatest gifts to celebrate our friendship
TRIAL AND ERROR
“My life has been based on trial and error. I finally paid attention during the trial, now I’m learning from my errors”
-Kari Hutton
Life, it always has its ups and downs. No matter how far along we are at creating the life of our dreams, there will always be challenges. Now this may seem depressing news, but it is quite the opposite. Challenges provide us a chance to grow. The are the seeds to great opportunity. You could never have the feeling without overcoming a challenge. The secret to making challenges work for you is what you do with them. When you find yourself in a troubling situation is your first feeling “Why me?” or how life is not fair? I’ll admit there are days I am as guilty as the next person of this. When we are faced with a situation that is not what we desire we can make it work for us. Even if it is completely out of our control, we can still have a victory if we ask ourselves “What can I learn from this?” If you say nothing, just think if you could learn something from it, what would it be? Maybe it is as simple as who will stand by you when the chips are down, or how you will react when faced with a tough time.
I have a friend who was recently sent to prison. She is a young single mother and for some serious life mistakes she faces over a year away from her family. Now she could simply focus on missing her son, or how her life is so far down the wrong path, but she is not. In fact, she is working on transforming her life while behind bars. She is beginning to explore things like the love of attraction and the power of positive thinking. She is working on educating herself in different fields and writing a book to help others who may be headed down the path she went to so that they may not make the same mistakes. Whenever I receive a letter from her it reminds me how much good can come out of a situation that seems so bad.
The moral is this. Sometimes life will suck. The two real secrets are as follows. First, how to reduce the times that happens. Second, how to make the most of it when it does. If you can do this your life will be a success. So this week as we are faced with challenges let us stop and ask ourselves “how can I make this work for me?”. Be a master of your life, not a victim.
Metal motivation
Yesterday we spoke of exposing ourselves to different sources of motivation and inspiration. Well I have come across what I feel is an excellent site for people who may find this whole taking control of your mind and using the power of your thoughts a bit too ‘new age’. It also works great for people like myself who on an occasion or several need a shove to be reminded to do the things we know we should be doing, but for a million different reasons are not. Now I caution some of the language on this site is a bit strong, but it is a great bold look at how to improve your life and empower yourself. the site is www.metalmotivation.com The esteemed gentleman who you will see and hear from, CJ, has some amazing ideas and serves as another great option to plug into for some great motivation and life changing tools. He also has some pretty great t-shirts there too. Check it out, if it works for you great! His concepts are some of the best I have heard in a long time. Have a passionate and thrilling day my friends!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 