Here is something to wrap your head around as the week progresses. We only know a fraction of reality. That does make the ones who act like they know it all seem even more foolish. My point is that we often do not see the result of our positive actions. We cannot see energy. If we get in touch with our intuition, we certainly can do a better job at feeling it. Like when you walk in a room and can just feel the tension.
There is the discussion of auras too. You know, the energy fields that exist around each one of us. That explains how when you first meet someone you can tell that you will hit it off. I recall first meeting the love of my life and just knowing that we were bound to do something magical together. At the time, I would have never guessed it would be getting married and spending our lives finding new ways to love each other, but here we are.
Next time it feels as though life is falling apart, just remember we cannot see the big picture. In fact, we can only see a small portion of the picture. Think of how much more your dog can smell than you can. We are missing a large portion of what the world smells like. We cannot fly like birds. We do not have the eyesight of an eagle. You get the idea. Next time you feel like life is totally going against you, do not give up. What we can’t see might be our blessings coming right around the corner.
This title may sound a little like hype, but let me assure you that I do not believe it is. This is not a method I have read or heard about anywhere before. You may be the first of your friends and family to try, and to benefit, from it! If you recall a few posts ago we discussed the idea of never losing, just winning or learning. We took that famous quote from Nelson Mandela and tweaked it a little to become even more powerful. Today we are going to take it one step further by including a practice to help you in developing a shift in mindset.
In case you missed that post, we will give you a quick recap. We discussed a quote from Nelson Mandela, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” In life we can learn the most when things do not go right. In that way, even some of our darkest moments can facilitate some of our greatest growth. If you know anything about myself, and this site, we seldom stop and good. We tweaked that quote to say, “Lose or win, I will never fail to learn.” If you are only putting this mentality to work when you lose, you could be missing out on a great deal of information that could help you positively transform your life at a much more rapid pace.
How can you develop this mindset? It can be hard to think “What can I learn from this?” when you are in a severe negative emotional state. Just like a great many things in life, the answer lies in starting a daily ritual that will begin to train your subconscious mind to look for lessons in any experience in life. Just like any new habit, it may seem a bit like work in the beginning. That is because our brains do not like doing anything new. Stick with it, and soon it will not only become automatic, it will begin to lead to magical changes in your life.
Here is this simple ritual. All you need is a pen and a notebook. If you have read any of my 3 books, available on Amazon, you will realize how much magic we can create with these simple 2 tools. Keeping it simple, here is all you have to do. At the end of each day, before you drift off to dream land, grab your pen and notebook. In it, list one good thing that happened that day, and one thing that falls south of the ‘good’ category. Underneath, or beside each one, list at least one thing you have learned from each situation.You can do this at a different time of the day if it will make it more likely you will stick with it. The benefit of doing it right before sleep is two-fold. First, that is one of the times our brains are most susceptible. The other is right after we wake up, but that is a tough time for many of us without trying to start a new habit. The other reason this is a good time to do it is that it gives your subconscious mind something to work on as you sleep. Thus, making it even more powerful.
Like we mentioned earlier, if a different time would make it more likely you stay consistent, go with that. You can also try listing more than one of each situation, or listing as many things as you can that you learned from each one. At the beginning, I would start with one of each type of situation, and one lesson learned. Once you see the magic this brings to your life, you will want to increase both. You will benefit in two very important ways. First, you will be gathering lots of lessons and information learned. This, by itself, will help you grow and improve your life. Second, you will begin to train your mind to look for lessons in every situation in life. Before long, your mind will begin to do this as events occur. I would recommend sticking with this practice even after that point.
How powerful will you be when you can mine lessons out of every situation in life? That way nobody, or nothing, can stop you. Your life will be on a constant upwards trajectory! Even when it looks like you have suffered a setback, you will know that you learned something and that you are moving forward. There will be more about this in my upcoming fourth book. Until then, I would love to hear your experience using this strategy for improving your life.
That sounds like a great life. Never lost, just win. Also sounds a little impossible. Looking at this quote from Nelson Mandela, we can see it is not only possible, it may be easier than we think. Whatever life throws our way, we can use it to our advantage. That’s why I would like to tweak Mr. Mandela’s quote a little bit.
“Lose or win, I will never fail to learn. – Neil Panosian
Did I really just quote myself? Yes. The reason why is simple. This is a mantra I have used, and continue to use to put my life on a never-ending upward trajectory. Whether my life is in a peak or a valley, it is always improving.
How do you accomplish this continuing and never-ending improvement? Through a change in mindset, but even more simply, asking a simple question. That question is “What can I learn from this?” When you learn your life improves. You can learn in celebration. What went well? What skills did I use to create that success?What bad habits might I have avoided that could have sabotaged my success?
We learn a great deal in pain and loss. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one, which can be the most painful, can show us how to better love those we still have in our life. Losing a job sucks, but we can learn how to develop new skills, be resilient and better prepared next time.
One of the most powerful situations to use this in (although I recommend using it all situations in life) and one of the situations with the most dramatic returns is intimate relationships. Think of it. You do something that lights your partner up. What was it? What about that thing you did or said affected them so greatly? You did something to hurt or disappoint your partner? You can learn from that. What not to say or do. What hurts them and what emotions may get triggered.
Bonus learning – try looking at the opposite of situations to gain twice the knowledge. That way you can improve your life twice as fast. The successful times can teach us about failure, just as hurt and pain can teach us what truly brings us joy.Get the most out of each moment in life and you will get the most out of your life in return.
In a world filled with distractions, it can seem almost impossible to stay disciplined and motivated. What is the secret of those who can? There are books, seminars and endless conversations dedicated to this question. The quote above is the simple answer. It is your why. Does going to work seem like an impossible challenge? Try looking at a picture of your spouse or children whom you are earning money for. Think of how they would be impacted if you lost your job, or just stop showing up for work. That should put a little spring in your step.
The amazing thing about a why is that it can be positive or negative. Take getting in shape for example. On the positive side of things, you can imagine fitting into your favorite clothes and looking amazing as you walk into a party. That could motivate you so far. Negative motivation can be equally, and in some cases, even more powerful. Did you have to pass on a fun trip with your friends because you were too embarrassed to show up in a bathing suit to go swimming? Perhaps you did show up and felt mortified when people saw you? Feeling that sting of self-consciousness can help you do that extra rep that is needed. It is not about all about appearance. Everyone is beautiful in their own skin. What can be more powerful is feeling happy with yourself.
Speaking of feelings, how you impact others can be a strong why. Can you recall when you said something hurtful that broke someone’s heart? Remember how that felt? It can keep you from saying the first thing that comes to mind in a heated situation. How about the time you paid someone a genuine compliment and watch them light up? Isn’t that a great feeling? That feeling, and hit of feel good chemicals it triggers, can be a powerful why when it comes to being a good human to others.
The point of this post is to say that if you are having a hard time staying consistent with your self-improvement journeys, maybe it is time to take a hard look at your why. For something to be a priority in your life, there has to be a reason why it is. That reason must be stronger than distractions or temptations. If you are finding it difficult to stay on track, spend some moments focused on why it is important to you to take that action and stay disciplined. I would further suggest to get your thoughts down on paper. Use the carrot and the stick. Why is it important for you to take that action? What would be the result if you didn’t? Be honest with yourself. Seeing that in black and white could be the motivation you need to stay the course.
Today, as this post is released, is a Sunday. Most people use this as a day of rest, or a day of worship. Both amazing things to dedicate a day to. Every Sunday night, many people start feeling a familiar knot in their stomach. That dread of another work week approaching. How can we finally get rid of that feeling for good? It starts the day before. It starts on Sunday.
One way to start feeling good is to take that first step. The step towards living the life of your dreams. It could be setting up a savings account. One way is to begin typing words on that book you have always wanted to write. They don’t have to be the perfect words. Trust me when I tell you as a three time author, they may not even end up in the book at all. It is in taking the action that you get that feeling. Motion equals emotion. Yes, it feels great to be on the top of the mountain, but do you know what else feels great? Taking the first step in climbing that mountain. Knowing you are on your way to accomplishing something great.
One of the areas that people overlook is the first step in a journey. It could be the journey of becoming a better spouse or parent. It could be the journey of becoming healthier or more full of inner peace. These are journeys that do not have a finish line, or a top of the mountain to reach. Knowing that you have taken the first step on a life-long journey that will positively transform your life is an amazing feeling. What action can you take today to begin a positive journey?
Here is a relationship secret that really shouldn’t be a secret at all. It is something that a lot of couples find very difficult to manage in today’s complex and connected world. That secret is to not share too much of your relationship online. It may be tempting to air out your dirty laundry like your favorite celebrity. Especially in the heat of the moment. You want everyone to know what they did to upset you so. Here is two problems with that. First, there are people who are just waiting to swoop in and take the person you love, even if you do not like them at the moment. Every episode of drama you air on social media puts a chink in your armor of love and gives them a little more ammunition to try and tear you two apart. You may not even know who these people are, maybe your partner doesn’t either. They are out there, rest assured.
The second one is even more certain. It makes you look foolish. You might be asking yourself how sharing something totally thoughtless your partner did can make you look foolish. There are actually two answers to that as well. You are the one who chose to be with them. If you are constantly belittling them, what does that say about your judge of character? We all know that couple that are forever breaking up and getting back together online. One day they are trying to convince the world how terrible they have been done wrong, the next day they are waxing poetically about the ‘forever love of their life’. Stop it. You look foolish. People are reading it and thinking “How can she go back to him?” or “I would never lower myself to being with a woman that treated me that way.” You are making your partner look bad and you are making yourself look bad.
That being said, you would certainly benefit by sharing your love for your partner. Sure, you may have to deal with some sarcastic comments from those who are either jealous, jaded or affection-challenged, but it is a small price to pay for the rewards you will get by sharing all the wonderful things about your partner and all the reasons you love them. What are those rewards you ask? Let us take a look at just a few of them.
In many ways you could flip the things we discussed earlier. For people who are looking to damage your relationship or steal your partner away from you, sharing how wonderful you think they are and how much you love them would serve as a great discouragement. They may search out easier prey. Second, you make both your partner and you look good. When you post what an amazing cake your partner made or the wonderful dinner they prepared for you, people will look and say things like, “That Margie is sure talented.” or “Look how good she treats her man.” A random post about how grateful you feel to have your partner, provided it is genuine, will accomplish much the same thing. People will read all the things you are grateful for in your wonderful partner and think highly of them. They will notice how appreciative you are, and think, “Boy I wish my partner appreciated me that much.” You will help both of you look better in the world’s eyes.
Relationships are not for the world at large and neither should your efforts. Although we have shown why that can be important, let us look at another important to share your pride and gratitude for your partner with the world. That is you increase the intimacy between you. Why? Who does not like to feel their partner is proud of them? Do you know what else feels good? When the wonderful things you say about your partner get back to them. I recall being at a jewelry store with Margie and one of the employees came up to tell her all of the wonderful things I say about her. I am sure she might have been hoping to sell us some more diamonds, but gave us an even greater gift. She showed my love that my affection for her is alive and well even when she is not around. Who wouldn’t want to hear their partner is telling everyone how much they love them? In turn, that increases trust and affection between the two of you.
You should feel proud and grateful for your relationship. If you don’t, there are bigger issues you may want to address. Follow the steps we have outlined here to make sure you take some of these old-fashioned values with you into the modern world of love.
We like to share secrets to amazing relationships on this site as well. This should be no surprise as relationships are one of the things that can have the greatest impact on your life. Nowhere is this more true than your romantic relationship. The romantic partner you choose in life can have a greater impact on the success or failure of your life than almost any other choice you make. How you take care of this relationship will make all of the difference.
The first order of business is to understand that the fitness of your relationship is very much like the fitness of your body. It is never ‘handled’. What would happen if you got into the best shape of your life and then stopped working out and started eating all of the junk food you could find? In no time flat, all of your efforts would be in vain. The same is true for your relationships. If you work to achieve a loving, caring and growth-minded relationship and then stop working at it, soon you will not have that relationship anymore.
Here is another ‘secret’. When you are first starting to workout, it is extremely hard. You must put in a lot of work upfront. It can be very difficult to develop a discipline to engage in physical activity on a regular basis. I heard a quote that said the heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. That is so true. Once you are at the gym, working out is a lot easier to do. Dedicating the time and getting to the gym is where the struggle is. The same when you are first working on growing your relationship. There is a lot to learn. There will be fights. Both of you will say and do the wrong things. You will forget to say and do the right things. Setting up and dedicating time and effort to work on your relationship can often be where the difficultly lies.
Here is some good news, both for fitness and relationships. Once you get into shape, it takes a lot less effort to stay there than it did to get there. Although, you must put in the effort just the same as we discussed above. In a relationship, once you learn how to develop a loving and healthy relationship with your partner, it is a lot easier to maintain and grow than it was to get there. Once again, you must put in the effort just the same. Just as you will continue to discover new things about health and fitness, you will do the same about relationships. You will also experience challenges in both. I cannot count the times I was on a roll at the gym and then got an injury or illness. It is hard to keep that discipline and often start over. Same in love. You will have a long period of love and romance when it seems nothing could come between your hearts. Then, a disagreement pops up out of nowhere.
It is important to learn from these. When you get injured at the gym, it might be form or perhaps a muscle that needs special attention. When there is a difficulty in a relationship, there may be some communication that needs to be cleaned up, or affection that needs to be redefined. Both of these situations, as humbling as they are, provide us an opportunity to come back stronger. We can make sure they happen less frequently and with less severity as time goes on. We can also walk away with additional knowledge we did not have before.
As a side note, this is not the post I sat down to write at all. Therefore, there will be more relationship secrets in the next post!
One of the most prevalent problems we have today is a lack of energy. It is not always physical energy. It can be emotional, spiritual or any other drain. People just feel burned out. Is that you? Certainly, considering all of the things that I am involved in, it is always something to be on the lookout for. It seems you are working hard just to meet up with your obligations and then life picks that time to give you a tough challenge.
Have you ever felt like you were close to having it all together when suddenly you find yourself catching a cold? Maybe you finally are starting to feel some inner peace and that is when your spouse has a personal meltdown? It can be even worse. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can seem to be constantly working on keeping your head above water. You make it through a tough day at work. Your coworkers call in sick. There is more work for you because of that. Your boss is aggravated that the other employees decided to stay home and takes it out on the employee that didn’t. Namely, you. Then you get home barely making it through the day and your spouse has a meltdown. You snap at them because you have already had a tough day. After a minute you regret not treating them with compassion. Now you are not only stressed beyond breaking, you have created a new problem.
Here is where a great deal of this issue starts. We fight every battle that is in front of us. By the time we show up for the really important ones, we are often to tired and crumble at the first sign of struggle. That is why it is important to set boundaries and decide what is really important. You boss yells at you because other workers didn’t show up and they are in a bad mood. Is it fair? No. Does it suck? Yes. Is it really important in the long run? No. Do not waste your energy being upset about other people, which is something we cannot control anyway. This is the same for getting fired up listening to talk radio on the way home. I know a few people who listen to political or sports programs and come home full of rage. Why on earth would you do that? News flash – the athletes and politicians do not know or care about you. Your spouse does. Listen to some music that will help relieve the stress of the day and have you arriving at home full of love.
My day job is at the US Postal Service. Not only is there lots of stress there, but I work 55 hours a week. If I wasted my energy on every little thing at the office, I would come home drained and angry. Margie and I work at a bar on the weekend. If we played into every situation of drama and gossip, we would not only be wasting our time, we would be exhausted. My love for her, and my respect for both her and myself, is worth far too much for that.
How about you? What battles are you fighting that are draining you and not serving you? Could you set boundaries that would help you? Do you have a written list of what is your priority in life and what is important? How often do you review that list? Just a few minutes in the morning, or even in the middle of the day to recalibrate, would make a world of difference!
This may be my stoic way of thinking, but I find this to be a very powerful and motivational quote. Many people have told me it sounds morbid or fatalistic. Why? It is a fact. We never know exactly when our final day may come, but we know it is out there. It will never be a comfortable situation to be faced with, but wouldn’t you rather do so prepared? How can one prepare for the end of their life? By living each day to the fullest. This does not mean working yourself to the bone, or even not working at all and spending all day in leisure.
For me, if the end came tomorrow, I would want to know that I made the most out of each moment. How do we do that? The first part is the ability to be present. This is a skill that is all but gone from the world today. I recently saw a video where a monk was asked his secret for remaining joyful. His answer, in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said,“When I am at work, I work. When it is time to eat, I am eating. When it is time for sleep, I am sleeping.” He went on to explain much of the discord in life is that when people are at work, they are thinking about eating. When they are eating, they are wishing they were sleeping. When they finally get to bed at night, they are already worried about working the next day. How true is this? When we find our mind regretting the past, or worried about the future, we are doing the same thing. The past and future do not exist. If you dread and regret the past, use that emotion to drive you to do better in the present. If you are worried about some aspect of your future, use that emotion to plan and prepare better today. The present is the only time we have control over.
The end is always drawing closer. This is not meant to scare us, but to motivate us. Do what you can with what you got today. You never know what you will have tomorrow. Love with all you have today. That is one thing you will never regret. If it is true that we might die tomorrow, how are we living today? Ask yourself that question.
This is something I have the great pleasure of experiencing in my life. It is not by accident. If you are a giving type of person, I will naturally gravitate towards you. People who show a great interest in helping others are people I like to have in my life. For example, I just have coffee with my good friend Nick the other day. He is a giver. Always happy to lend an ear, some solid advice and even some encouragement. A great guy. A few posts ago, I mentioned Tanya and Montell, who are friends of Margie and I. Very generous and giving people.
The danger of being a giving person is that sometimes you connect with a taking person. Someone who is just looking to drain others. That is why it is so important for giving people to set boundaries, otherwise they could find themselves drained and jaded. A taking person can ruin a giving person, but only if they are allowed. When two giving people get together it is not only like magic, but an artful dance. Sometimes one person gives, sometimes the other gives. Yes, there is taking in this relationship. If not, it would not be possible for there to be giving. What is beautiful is that the reciprocation is always right around the corner.
Giving people can often have a hard time receiving. This is where being with another giving person helps. You are both able to give, and to help the other receive. I used to be someone who had a hard time receiving. Then, I heard a story about a man who also tried to be a giver. One day a friend of his took him to lunch. When the man tried to pay the bill his friend snatched it out of his hand and exclaimed, “How dare you deprive me of the joy of taking you to lunch!” I had never quite thought of it that way. I feel great giving and helping others. I am sure they feel the same way helping me. Why should I deny them that? It has helped me be a little more comfortable with the receiving aspect of relationships.
How about you? Do you know some amazing givers? Are you a giver? If so, have you been able to set boundaries so you are not taken advantage of and drained? Have you found other giving souls to connect with and how has that created magic in your life?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 