Tag: Relationships

ANGELS OF HEALING

As most of you know, I have been on the long road of recovery from my open-heart surgery. When I say long, it has only been about 4 months. It can safely be said, these 4 months have been some of the longest of my life. Being physically limited and having to “take it easy” as the doctors keep reminding me, is a very hard prescription for a man who goes to the gym 5 days a week. There are times that the pain and reduced cardiovascular ability can lead to frustration and at its most severe times, depression. Intellectually, I know healing from this takes time and due to some complications, it will take me even longer. Emotionally, however, it can seem as if I will never get better. I put on a smiling face and am truly grateful for coming back after my brief visit to the world of death, but it can still feel very dark and hopeless at times.

In the last few weeks there has been some return to normal. 4 weeks ago I was cleared to go back to the gym, although limited. 2 weeks ago I returned to work. It was good to feel like a productive member of society again. Several of my coworkers told me how good it was to see me again and that made me feel good. Slowly, this all helped return a bit of that feeling of normal I was missing. One of the best things about returning to work is the local Starbucks location by my work. In past blogs you have heard me discuss some of the amazing people there. First, there was Deb, who is not only friendly, but has one of the best attitudes for someone who serves the public that I have seen. I mentioned the man who runs the show, Nick, the manager. He takes a personal interest in you as not only a customer, but a person. There is nothing that will get return business as sure as making someone feel valuable. That is what Nick does.

It is not just Nick that does this, but a fair amount of his crew as well. Sydney has a smile that is at once both infectious and contagious. You are all but guaranteed to walk away smiling after chatting with her. If having a good feeling in your heart is what you are after, Kryssy will do that for you. Much like her amazing manager, she really gets to know you as a person. She shows great care and concern for you as a person. The group is rounded out with many other amazing souls like Andrea, Colleen and Erika. Plus, many others that my tired brain let escape for this second. The best part about all of these people is they are genuine. They are not trying to sell you, they are just being themselves.

They showed why they are one of the best group of people in two fabulous ways recently. In doing so, they not only gave yet another example of how amazing they are, but did a great deal to help my healing journey. The first touching thing was a package that they had put together to welcome me back. This location is so busy and has so many customers that pass through their doors, to be remembered and thought of in such a way gave a lift to my spirit that was just the thing I needed at this time. They had no way of knowing, but everything they put inside this little package fit me perfectly. The gesture meant such a great deal to me. By being great human beings, they gave this crazy author and blog writer a great deal of needed positivity.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, I walked in to discover they had made me their ‘customer of the week’. I am certainly not one to seek accolades (Oprah if you want to make my most recent book the ‘book of the month’ I would be happy to make an exception) but being recognized as someone who they find valuable made a real impact. Again, there are a lot of amazing people who pass through their doors and I am sure a great deal of them deserve to be ‘customer of the week’. For them to choose me, really made me feel welcomed and missed.

These 2 acts may seem small and little to the outside observer, but they made a world of difference to me. As my friends at the Oak Creek Starbucks showed, doing small acts of kindness with great amounts of love is what really changes the world. I encourage all of you who may be pondering doing something to show someone how much they are appreciated, to do it. While it may seem like something small to you, it can make a great amount of difference to them.

HOW IS YOUR REAL LIFE?

Here are some facts according to Pew research. The percentage of adults who report that they go online “almost constantly” was 21% in 2015. How about today? That amount has risen to 31%. Not to mention that is only the ones who realize and report that. Overall, adults who report they go online at least on a daily basis? That is 85%. For someone who runs a website that provides individuals tools and strategies to improve their lives, this is a good thing. Unfortunately, not all of those 85% are not spending their time online exploring ways in which they can expand their knowledge and improve themselves.

Even more depressing is the lack of compassion and human courtesy that proliferates in the online world. It would often appear that people are willing to say hurtful things to others behind a keyboard that they would never say face to face. This is just a fact of the world as it exists presently. It is my firm belief the best way to counter that is to supply inspiring and motivating material to people whenever and wherever you can. Recently, I saw a person posting that they finally got the job they had been trying to get for a long time. My first reaction was to feel happy for this person. When I looked in the comments, I saw people saying things like “Nobody cares” and “You couldn’t get anything better?” I was baffled. Why would someone even spend time to post things like this? Somebody did care. I believe not only the person who posted it, but their family and friends were probably very happy for them. They should have been. Why couldn’t get something better? Maybe they were starting out on the ground floor. Maybe they were just looking for something to support their family? Gratefully, there were many positive and uplifting comments as well. What do you think would stick in the mind of this young man? What do you think the people posting those negative comments online got for their actions?

My suggestion to all of us, is to dedicate a period of time to look for ways and opportunities to inspire and uplift people online. Look for places to leave positivity. Is there a place to cheer someone up? To congratulate them on a job well done? You could even just post a few inspiring pictures or quotes to bring joy to anyone who may come across them. It will not only make you feel good, but will go a long way into making the online world a better place.

Now back to some of the things we mentioned earlier. While 85% of people spend some of their lives online, and are so affected by it. They are still living most of their lives, we hope, in the real world. Even the 31% of folks who say they go online constantly should at least spend a portion of their time IRL (which is social media for ‘in real life’) Here is something I want to stress to all of you. It is even more important to be a decent person in the real world. Not even just decent, but kind, compassionate and inspiring. There are several reasons why we should do this. May favorite is simple and comes from the ‘Dean of personal development’ himself, Earl Nightingale. Earl said we should treat everyone we come in contact with as if they were the most important person on earth because that is how humans should treat each other. I can’t argue with the man. He also points out that to that person, they are the most important person in their life. This can be said for all of us.

I have another reason to consider. If more and more of us are spending a good portion of our lives online, we can run the risk of encountering those who are less than inspiring, to put it eloquently. If you haven’t run across a person like this online yet, rest assured you will. Some of them may even have you questioning your faith in humanity. That is why it is so important for us to be good stewards of humanity both online, and more importantly in the real world. This cannot be stressed enough. We never know what the person next to us may be going through. Starting today, I implore all of you to look for ways to inspire and uplift as many people as you can both online and, of course, in the real world. I would love to hear any ideas you may have for ways in which we can do this.

TRY SOMETHING NEW THIS WEEK

This website revolves around improving yourself. Making better life choices. Following powerful and productive strategies that allow you to get more done in a shorter amount of time. A good deal of improving yourself can be to celebrate and love the victories you accomplish. Even the small ones. Do you know what works equally as well as improving yourself and celebrating your victories? Doing the same for others!

It can seem like second nature to be excited about what we worked hard to accomplish and want to share that with others. That is good and we should do that. However, when doing so, we should come from a place of both service and humility. This can be done by asking ourselves one simple question, “Why are we sharing this information?” It is great to want to share our victories and how far we have come with friends. If that is all we do, we can come across as someone who is self-absorbed. If you want to be well-received by those you come in contact with, forget trying to impress them. Instead, inspire them.

We can share our accomplishments with the intentions to let others know they can do the same. What can we offer to help others obtain and maintain a feeling of hope and motivation? How can we inspire them to do great things? That is the idea I would like us all to focus on this week. How do you feel when every time you meet a certain individual, you feel great about yourself and inspired to be even better? Would that be a person you would enjoy being around? Would that be someone you would want to spend more or less time around? How happy would you be to see them? It is my firm belief that the only thing better than being a great leader and example, is to help others be the same. I would love to hear ways in which you inspire others.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB

I saw this sign posted online the other day and it made me chuckle. Raise your hand if you have difficulty finding love for a certain group of your fellow humans. This could be a political group, a religious group, a group that listens to music you can’t stand, maybe a group that has vices you find totally unacceptable. Perhaps you only have a hard time loving people who have lied to you or people who have done you wrong? If so raise your hand for that too. If you do not have your hand raised at this point, do you lie about other stuff too? Point is, all of us have a hard time showing love to someone. I know I do. Mr. Rogers was about the closest human I can think of who loved everyone he met.

Why is it that we have a hard time loving certain people? It is simple. It is a judgment. We view them as ‘wrong’. Here is something to think about, no matter how good of a person we strive to be, in someone else’s mind we are hard to love as well. What is the solution? It is on the sign pictured above. Many of us have heard the quote “Kill them all, let God sort them out.” (which originated from a representative of Pope Innocent III in 1209. A lot of irony there) I say we follow a different creed, “Love them all, let God sort them out.” I, personally, would rather be guilty of loving someone who didn’t deserve it than withholding love from someone who needs it.

This coming week, I challenge you show and send love to everyone you meet. This can be done out loud, or if you feel uncomfortable, do it in your head. Pause for a second and send that person some words and feelings of love. Then, I want you to notice two things. First, what type of people was this most difficult for you to do? Why do you think that is? What could you do to develop more compassion and love for that group of people? Then, at the end of the week, I want you to notice how your life is different. Not only how you are feeling, but how others respond to you. It is my opinion, you will feel motivated to do it more often.

COMPARE AND BE GRATEFUL

Recently, much to my dismay, I found myself back in the hospital. I began experiencing severe chest pain Sunday night. Considering it has not been that long since my open heart surgery, I went into the Emergency Room at the local hospital. There I lay for several hours as they filled me up with a vast array of pain killers, none of which seemed to do very much. I received a CT scan which showed I had fluid around my heart. A decision was made to transfer me to the hospital that my surgeon works out of so he could take a better approach at observing me.

Very early Monday morning they boxed me up in an ambulance and whisked me away to the next hospital. The ride was bumpy, but they gave me a free stuffed alligator for being a good patient. I rather enjoyed that personally. I arrived at my new digs around 6 am and was told that I could not have anything to eat or drink, including water, in case they wanted to do a test. Mind you I ate dinner around 7 the night before. This lasted until 4pm, when the doctor left for the day and it was clear they were not going to test me. In other words, it was all for nothing. Having morphine and other heavy duty pain killers in your system on an empty stomach was not very thrilling. Worse yet, they informed me at 7 pm that evening I was back to no food or water in case they wanted to test me the following day. This lasted until 11 am the following day. After persistent “Test me or give me a damn cracker!” outbursts from yours truly, the finally decided they were not going to test me for anything that day either.

My alligator from the folks at Bell Ambulance

Here I was, day three in the hospital, still in pain and nobody could give me an answer as to why. They had added an ultrasound to the CT Scan and now informed me there was no fluid around my heart. Later, a chest x-ray was added. I think this was just so they could say they did all of the imaging tests. By this time I was growing quite frustrated. Even the nurses, who were wonderful and helpful people, were also growing frustrated at the doctors lack of appearances or answers.

I stayed in the hospital 2 more days. These 4 days amounted to the same amount of time I had spent in the hospital after my open heart surgery. I had seen 3 doctors that were not even ones I go to. It was not until one of them did a little more poking around that they came to the conclusion that I had a rare condition that affects 5% of heart surgery patient. It is a sort of late onset inflammation. By the time I was going to be released, I was pretty frustrated. In addition to enduring 18 hours of no food and water one day followed by 14 hours of the same the following day for absolutely no reason, it was like pulling teeth to get answers or talk to a doctor. Then, I refocused. This was aided by 2 events, one very tragic and one pleasant.

As I was putting all of my stuff in a bag to take with me, I received a message I was not expecting. I have been out of my day job since the 11th of January because of my surgery. I just learned one of my coworkers, only a year my senior, had passed away. Little did I know that 2 months ago when I saw him, it would be the last time. Sure, I was leaving the hospital with ‘best guess’ diagnosis and treatment, but at least I was leaving. My friends and family would be happy for my return and not mourning my loss. I suddenly felt a little guilty for feeling the way I was. I am sure this man would have preferred to return to his family and his friends.

That night as I went to sleep, I noticed how my mattress, that had always felt rather uncomfortable, felt like a cloud compared to the bed in the hospital. What was even better was that I was sharing it with the most beautiful woman in the world. The very one who snuck me in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in case they tried make me endure a third day of forced hunger strikes. This brief moment of pain and struggle was nothing compared to what it could have been. I made it out of the hospital. I was feeling quite better than when I went in. I did have a bed to return to. I also had someone extremely special to share it with. It was then I recalled the quote from Gandhi above. No matter how much life seems to be throwing at you, it is throwing a whole lot more at others. Not only that, but it will certainly remind you of all you have to be grateful for that you may have forgotten.

HUMP DAY PONDERING

It is the middle of the week and we are all starting to wear down a little. I think there comes a time in all of our lives, mine happens several times, that we say defeating things to ourselves. Some of my not-so-self-serving thoughts include phrases like, “Why do I always go the extra mile for people who would not do the same?” “What is the point of working hard when your boss doesn’t appreciate you?” or “What is the point of always doing the right thing when it doesn’t seem to get you anywhere?” Trust me. I get it. Life can be hard and the rewards and purpose for giving it our all can be a little gray to put it kindly.

The picture above should make it perfectly clear as to why we keep going when the going gets rough. You may think if you are not a parent or a teacher that this does not apply to you. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You never know who is watching you where. It also doesn’t have to be a child. There are so many people that may choose not to give up because they have seen us do the same. I recall a gentleman thanking me for opening the car door for Margie because it reminded him of something simple he could do to make his wife feel loved and valued. I didn’t know this man. Haven’t seen him before or sense. I also wasn’t opening the door to inspire him. I actually do it as a sign of respect for the lady I love. Still, it inspired him.

It is the middle of the week. Hump day as it is known to some. The week may be starting to wear on you. Don’t slip, don’t give up that effort or discipline. You never know who you may be inspiring and you may never know. One thing you can know for sure is that you are inspiring someone.

A SIGN EVERY BUSINESS NEEDS

I love this sign! It goes a great way to show how people respond kindly to you when you treat them positively. This is reflective in my own life. I can recall quite a few times when the fine folks working at the coffee shops have told me things like “This one is on us today” or thrown in a few little extra items for me. I attribute this, not only to their kindness and generosity, but to the fact that I always treat them with kindness and respect. Still, there is a small change I would make to this sign. I would have it read as follows:

“Small coffee!” = a small coffee

“Small coffee, please” = a medium coffee

“Hello, one small coffee please” = a large coffee

I would word it this way because I believe that the kinder you are, the more life returns to you. Let me be perfectly clear, paying less or getting more should not be your main motive for being kind and respectful to others. You should do that because, as Earl Nightingale used to say, that is how we ought to treat each other. If all the self-serving folks did decide to be kind because they thought there was more in it for them, I guess that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. For the rest of us, it is worth noting that life will return what we give out. It may not be from exactly who we give it to, or in the exact same fashion, but it will be returned to us.

Our life tends to be more positive and rewarding when that is how we are to the world. This is not terribly mind-boggling. If you are a fun smiling sort, people look forward to your presence and thus, treat you with more kindness and respect. Do this wherever you go and soon you will find kind people wherever you end up. “What about those people who are not kind to me even though I am kind to them?” I can hear some of you asking. First of all, those are the people who need it the most. They me broken in ways that we cannot perceive. Maybe they just lost someone they love, had a break up, told there job will be outsourced or simply were not raised with manners. Not only is it essential we lead by example, but the next time around they may remember the kindness we showed them and return the favor. Maybe they will simply treat the next person in line with a little more gentleness and thus we have still done our part to make the world a better place.

In life we are here to serve one another. One of the easiest, yet most important ways to do this is through treating each other with kindness and respect. It will not only improve and add joy to our life, but to the world at large. It doesn’t cost us a single dime, but the returns can be worth their weight in gold.

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I’LL BE DEAD

Yes, you read that right. As I am typing these words, it is a little over 12 hours until my heart will cease to beat. You see, I am to undergo open-heart surgery. I have an aneurysm on the aorta in my heart and it needs to be repaired. Kind of a replace that pipe with this one sort of thing. In order to do that, they will need to cut open my rib cage, stop my heart and do a little slicing and dicing. I will be hooked up to machines to keep things moving I am told. However, for a brief period of time, everything will be shut down. That’s right folks, the store will be temporarily closed.

It is my sincerest desire that they will be able to jump start me and get the whole machinery up and running again. Making me a sort of modern day Lazarus, if you will. There are things about this whole procedure that make me a tad unsettled, but even more that have me intrigued. In the brief moments my life will have expired, will I see anything? A light? A guy with horns and a pitchfork? Maybe Buddha will come and give me some sage advice? Maybe Bob Marley will come and jam for me? That would actually be kind of cool. Does this mean I technically have 2 birthdays now? The one I came into this world on, July 29th and now the one I came back on, January 11th? I never was a big fan of winter, so perhaps having a birthday might give me a little something to look forward to.

Being that this may be the last collection of wisdom I am able to share with all of you, I wanted to distill what I think would be important. Ironically, the first thing that popped in my mind was a line I always heard a game show host use – “Be kind to yourself and each other.” In my mind, that is what it all boils down to. When we learn to love ourselves, we can afford more compassion and understanding for others. I think it is very important to make this a lifetime project and to start that project today. Whether you are 8 or 80, we all can learn about how to love ourselves and be kind to one another. In the very unlikely chance that I do not make it through this, I am determined to haunt those I care about. Not in the usual way. No, I would be the ghost that would whisper “You can do it!” when someone is feeling down on themselves. The little mysterious voice that lets everyone know that someone believes in them.

As I wrote those words, it occurred to me that we can, and should be, that voice while we are alive as well. The simple words, “I believe in you.” can make almost anyone’s heart soar. Much like the lessons we learned on appreciating each other last week, letting someone know you believe in them can change their world and all it will cost you is a breath and a second of your time.

When you are faced with a situation such as having heart surgery, it certainly causes you a moment of reflection. I looked back on my life and there was a lot of things that I shook my head at. I am sure we all have those. “Why did I say that?” “Why did I treat that person so harshly?” we all know those thoughts. What I did notice that gave me a great deal of peace, is that I worked on getting better every day. Sure, I might have done a lot wrong up to this point. I might continue to do some wrong in the future. What is true is that every day I tried to correct the mistakes I had made that day and to become a better version of myself. Not only did this benefit the world and those around me, but in a moment where you are quite honestly looking in the eyes of death, that is something that gives your soul some peace. With that thought in mind, I implore all of you to work on getting a little bit better every day. The world will thank you. Those around you will thank you. Most importantly, your soul will thank you.

As far as what will happen when they cut me open. What will I see? What has this whole journey been like? I am currently writing a book about the entire thing and it should be available in April of 2022 if everything goes according to plan. In regards to improving yourself and becoming the best version of you, that can be found in my 2 books, A Happy Life for Busy People and Living the Dream. Both of which you can find on the link below this post. I hope to see you all on the other side. Remember I believe in you and to love yourself and each other!

CLICK HERE TO GAIN ACCESS TO MY BOOKS

DO IT NOW!!!

I am about to go through some intense personal issue. More about that in tomorrow’s post. To help my thinking through this challenge, and to help those who may share the same challenge behind me, I am writing a book about the entire journey. While doing so, I recalled something that got me through some of the toughest periods of my life. It wasn’t so much one thing as several things that could be included under one major activity. That one activity that helped me more than anything was working on improving myself.

If 2020 taught us anything, it is that the world can be turned upside down in a second. It can also do so with little or no warning. Take having to quarantine. Early in March of 2020, Margie and I had to spend 14 days locked in our house together. At that point, they knew little of the pandemic that was to sweep the nation and the world. It was fortunate for us that we had worked on our relationship non-stop up to that point. In doing so, we were able to enjoy the time we spent together and it felt like one big sleep over. In fact, we were a little sad to have it end and have me return back to work.

The sad part of the story is that many couples were not this lucky. I personally know of a few that ended up splitting up after being forced to spend more time in close physical space together than they were used to. These couples never spent the effort to continue to work on their relationship and help it to grow and evolve. Things such as working on healthy communication, conflict resolution and just really listening to your partner can come in handy in situations like this.

The same can be said for a health challenge. If you are faced with a needed procedure or surgery, it is a little late to worry about whipping yourself into shape. When the doctor tells you that your arteries are blocked and you need emergency surgery, it is a little late to think about eating more oatmeal and less burgers. There is a quote that says “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, than to have one and not be prepared.” The same is true with a challenge. That is why I encourage you all to work on improving yourself and your life today. Find fun and enjoyable ways to become the best version of yourself. Even if your world doesn’t turn upside down, you will still be better prepared for any opportunity that comes your way.

WHAT A WATER BOTTLE CAN TEACH US ABOUT LIFE

Inspiration for my writing can come from anywhere at any time. Recently, it came from a story about a bottle of water. That’s right, a bottle of water. What can a simple bottle of water teach us about life and how to live it better? You would be surprised. Let us look at the story that inspired this post and then discuss how to apply it a little bit after.

A bottle of water in the supermarket is worth about $.50. That same bottle at a bar costs around $2. In a good restaurant or hotel it can be worth about $3. If you were at a concert, outdoor festival or airport you could pay up to $5! The bottle and brand is the same, the only thing that changes is the place. Each place gives a different value to the same product.

What does the fact that they charge you way to much for bottles of water at concerts and at the airport teach us about life? It teaches us that worth is not a fixed value. This is more important when it comes to ourselves than purified water in a plastic bottle. If you have a lot of moments of feeling worthless and have people around you who belittle you, it may very well be time to change places! Just like our bottle of water, do not stay where you are viewed at $.50, find that airport or outdoor concert. You are a $5.00 bottle of water. Find that place where you are valued. Seek out those smart and astute individuals who see the brilliant gifts you bring to the table.

I suggest keeping a bottle of water nearby to remind you of this principle. If you hear from someone who does not see your value, take a sip and remind yourself that you are a $5.00 bottle of water! Plus, staying hydrated is always a healthy thing to do! Share your world with those who find you refreshing.