How many of us pursue these goals? The quest for perfection in any category is a fool’s endeavor. We should always pursue becoming the best version of ourselves. That doesn’t mean we will be perfect. In fact, when we make mistakes, that gives us the greatest opportunity to learn about life and about ourselves. Being able to set boundaries and say the occasional ‘no’ will keep us mentally and physically healthy to be able to bring our best when we do say ‘yes’.
When you are pursuing awards, think in terms of ones that speak of your character. How about the award for being a true friend? There should be an award for being a loving spouse. A helpful coworker is always appreciated as well. These are awards worth pursuing. At present, it is a shame that none of them exist either. Make sure whatever you are pursuing will lead to the best for you and for your life.
Here is an inspirational story that occurred to me when I was not expecting it. This is one of the perks of being an author and blog writer, you are subconsciously on the lookout for inspiration. Margie, my mother and I were on our way to the Milwaukee Public Museum for a special behind the scenes event. We were all pretty excited because the museum will be moving in a few years and you may not have an opportunity to see many of the things that were on display that night. The only downside to going there is driving and parking downtown. Luckily for us, at night there is an attached parking garage that is not to full in the evenings. This is where the inspiration happened.
It is ironic the inspiration of the evening came before we viewed any of the 4 million objects the museum has, including this cool whale over a staircase. When we were entering the parking garage, we were greeted by a friendly young man we will call Chad. This was kind of a small miracle in itself as the people at a parking garage barely recognize your existence, much less are friendly. After exchanging some banter, he even gave me a fist bump and raised the gate to let us in. I recall saying to Margie and my mom, “Hey, I just got a fist bump from the parking guy.” We all had an appreciative chuckle and enjoyed our night at the museum. I am sure this gents friendly greeting made it that much easier.
When we left, the parking garage was a lot busier as everyone was leaving the even at the same time. As we made our way up to the gate to leave the parking structure, guess who was there? My new friend Chad. We exchanged more pleasant banter and he even explained a little about the economics of the parking garage. He was so friendly, I gave him a card for this website as I felt he would really appreciate it. Although all of this was enjoyable, what he said next is what inspired me to write this post. “Thanks, I have an issue with my brain and they tell me I only have a year and a half to live.” I did my best not to be too shocked by this revelation, but I was thrown for a loop.
Here are the points I walked away from this experience with. One, I was extremely grateful that I was motivated to exchange some pleasant back and forth with this young man. Many times we just go about our business and fail to appreciate the human element involved in it. Second, it amazed me how upbeat and friendly this gentleman was. He only had a little over a year of life left and was working in the cold in a parking garage, yet he made our night so much better through his friendly demeanor. He could have been like every other parking attendant I have dealt with, and barely acknowledged me at all. Instead, this young man shared some friendly conversation, helpful information and a great smile. We are going back in a couple of weeks for another event. I hope to see my friend Chad again.
The lust for power is one of the strongest urges in human nature. Wars are started over that very thing. In fact, we have several going on at the moment. Having power over others is the main motivation of many politicians and some in the religious field. Yet, many of these lack the true source of power. That is power over ourselves. If you have all the knowledge and tools to become successful, but lack the discipline to consistently put them into practice, you will not be successful. If you have no power over your emotions and let them control your actions, your relationships will certainly suffer.
Conquering ourselves may sound like it should be easy, but nothing is further from the truth. I recall hearing in a talk from David Goggins how the mind has the tactical advantage over us. That is so true. Our inner dialogue knows our greatest fears, it knows what our strongest desires are. If left unchecked, our mind can make us its slave. When we foster self-discipline and emotional control, we make the mind our servant. We use those fears and desires to drive us to take actions that lead us towards a successful life. If we do not invest in taking this control it will have us making the same self-sabotaging actions we have for years.
Gaining control over ourselves can be one of the most powerful investments we can make. It will allow us to become better in whatever field we are pursuing. It will also allow this to happen quicker and with less resistance than if we do not have control over ourselves. Invest in power over yourself and you will become a powerful person.
I know many well-meaning people with lofty goals. One of the most popular is that people want to change the world. This sounds like such a complicated and far-reaching goal. It is, but at the same time, it really isn’t. You do not have to end world hunger or cure a major disease to change the world. Being a great parent and raising children that are kind and respectful changes the world. Trying to uplift the spirits of those around you will change the world. These actions may seem trivial, but when you think of the outcomes long-term, and what the outcome would be if you took the opposite action, you realize how powerful they are.
My life’s mission is to leave the world a better place than I found it. This is not exactly a measurable goal. It is also one that never ends. The more actions I take to do so, the more likely it will be to come true. One think I have learned is the quote above. “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” You may think a compliment to a stranger wouldn’t make much of a difference, but you never know what that stranger is going through or what it means to them. I used the example of picking up one piece of trash. Does not seem like that would make much of a difference, but if every person in the world did that it would mean 8 billion pieces of trash were picked up! Even if 1 out of every 8 people did it, that would still mean 1 billion pieces of trash picked up. Again, if we consider the opposite action we can see the difference even more. Imagine if every person dropped one piece of trash on the ground. 8 billion pieces of trash littering our parks and sidewalks! Imagine the difference that makes.
Doing one small act of kindness a day may not seem like it would make a difference, but that adds up to 365 acts of kindness a year. None of those are wasted. It may not resonate with the person you do it for, but it could be seen by someone who then goes on to act kind towards someone else. Thus, creating a ripple effect. Maybe nobody sees your act of kindness. Maybe you pick up a piece of trash in the woods. It makes a difference to nature and increases the frequency of your vibration. In other words, helps you feel good. What small act of kindness could you do today? Remember, no act of kindness is ever wasted!
One of the questions I am often asked is, “How can I stay motivated?” This is the wrong question to ask. You will never be motivated 100% of the time. Motivation comes and goes. I can surround myself with workout quotes, pictures of the body I would like to have and upbeat music, but if it is below freezing outside, I am not going to want to go to the gym. The better question to ask is “How can I stay committed and disciplined?” There are many ways to do this. One of them is considering the consequences of not being disciplined. If I stay in bed all day the boss will not be happy and I may end up without a job. Another way is to focus on what you will gain by remaining committed. If I keep going to the gym, eventually I will fit into that new bathing suit.
If we are honest, some days none of this works. We do not care if the boss is mad or if we get fired. Hey, if I don’t have a job I could sleep in every day! We don’t consider the fact it might be in a cardboard box if we can’t pay our bills. What about fitting into that new swimsuit? Well, we don’t have to go to the beach. Plus, these doughnuts look and taste really good. I have had those moments. Have you? What then? How do we maintain our discipline when our motivation to do so has left us long ago? Example.
I am so grateful to have an amazing women that has me wanting to be the best I can be for her. She is so beautiful and loving that I often question what I did to deserve her. Still, after working all day without sleeping, I can lack the motivation it requires to be a great life partner. What then? I think of the example I am setting. For her children who may be watching. For other men who want to know how to properly treat their lady. To women looking for an example that men do value their lady. Maybe someone caught in an abusive relationship who needs an example of a healthy one to realize that theirs must change.
The same holds true for everything I do in my life. You never know who is watching. Our lives are either warnings or examples. In the age where you can be filmed and go viral for just about anything, wouldn’t you rather it was something good? I know I would. People will rarely listen to what you say if your actions do not support it. If you truly want to inspire others, focus less on what you say and more on what you do. I am going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes that highlights the importance of actions over words.
Here is a subject that we have talked about before on this site, but I was reminded that many of us still have not got the message. There are so many of us that are lack the bravery to share their true self with the world because they base their value on the opinions of others. That is why I liked the quote above so much. If we think of ourselves as that flower, how sad would it be if we could only bloom if someone else watered us? Many are still like this. That is why we need to both encourage ourselves, as well as be aware of all the good we bring to the world. You are a rockstar no matter how large the audience is or is not.
The only thing that saddens me more is someone who lets others determine their worth. If you asked someone directly, “Would you let anyone tell you how much you are worth?” Most of us would answer a resounding “No!” Yet, this happens all too often. Recently, I heard of a woman who even said she felt like ending her life because a man she was recently dating was mad at her. You may be thinking what some dramatic teenager has to do with your life. Here is a surprise, that woman was in her 70s. She had not learned to value herself enough that the opinions of others do not define her.
This is not to say you should not care how you effect others. If what you do hurts someone, you should recognize that and work on becoming a better version of yourself. We should be on a journey of becoming the best version of ourselves. When we are, if others do not value us, we know that our life still has value. I am here to tell you that every life has value. We can all make a difference and all have our own unique gifts to bring to the world. Do not let anyone convince you of anything less.
This quote is new to me, but the idea is not. When I am having a hard time staying committed to the actions that will improve my life, such as going to the gym on a cold raining morning, I think of those who believe in me. There are days that I do not feel I have the energy to write these blogs, but I think of all the encouraging comments I have received from all around the globe. These wonderful friends believe in me, I do not want to let them down. It can be hard to believe in ourselves. It can often be easier to think of those who do believe in us and let their belief carry us through until we can develop belief of our own.
One of the greatest motivations is pride. When you look in the mirror, do you like the person looking back at you? Sure, they might not be perfect, but if they are working their butt off to improve, you have to be proud. Sometimes, that feeling of pride isn’t enough. Then what? I will tell you what works for me. It might work for you. I think of all the important people in my life. When I do not want to work out, I think about giving Margie a man she can be proud of. Not only one that is in shape, but one that is disciplined to stick to his commitments, even when the motivation to do so has long since departed. When I do not feel like working on my blogs or books, I think of being the kind of son that will make my mother proud.
When we cease to make life all about ourselves, and stop and consider the people who love and believe in us, we can have all the motivation we need to tackle any challenge. Next time you are facing an obstacle, whether it is wanning motivation or something more concrete, think of who you would be letting down if you quit. To me, it is what keeps me going long after doing it for myself would have quit.
Recently, I came across a story about the Mona Lisa, the famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. A copy of the famous painting, made by one of da Vinci’s students, was discovered. It not only was better preserved, it revealed many of the details that had been lost in the original. If I gave you the option to own either one of these paintings, which one would you choose? The original, done by old Leo himself, or the copy done by his student? If you know anything about art, or the value of art, I am sure you will choose the original. Why? The copy is better preserved. It has more detail. Why is the original more valuable? Simple, it is an original.
You, my friends, are not much different than that famous painting. Sure, you might not be a 16th century woman, but you are far more valuable as an original. Keep this in mind as you make your way through a world bent on telling you who you should be. The only thing we should be working on becoming is the best version of ourselves.
This does not mean we ignore constructive criticism, or keep an open mind in regards to our character. What I mean is not to change yourself to conform to someone else’s definition of you. I remember hearing that Oprah was told she was far too empathetic to be in journalism. She cried whenever she reported on a fire because a family had lost their home. Had she listened and hardened her heart, she may have been able to become an anchor woman on the news. Instead, she leaned into who she was and became one of the most successful women in history. The world is filled with countless stories like this.
As we make our way through the week, and through life in general, let us be confident in who we are and work to be the best version of that. In doing so, you help give others permission to do the same. Never hide the gift of who you are from the world. It will help you attract the life and people that should be in your story.
Last post we discussed why you should keep your talk about others positive. As you can see in the photo above, today is along the same lines. My current age is where you start to see you and your friends begin to experience some problems of the body falling apart. This is why it benefits you to take as good care of yourself as you can, but that is a story for a different day. What is striking as I stroll through my connections on various social media pages, is how many people have passed away. I am not sure how long I have been on Facebook, but on that site alone, the number of friends I have lost is well in the double digits. Some have died to to tragedy such as car accidents. Some have had health challenges. A few have even died from addictions. Very few of them were expected.
I have often compared our lives to the sands in an hourglass. The sand never stops going from the top to the bottom. The bottom of the hourglass is all of the moments we have lived. The top of the hourglass is how much life we have left. Unlike an hourglass, we never know how much sand is in the top half. What we do know is that is continually shrinking. If that sounds a little scary, it should. What that means is we should live our lives with a sense of urgency.
This picture of people having coffee is fun. They all seem to be about the same age, but how long does each of them have left? Here is a not-so-secret secret, none of us know how long we have left. Can you imagine if we all had a battery indicator, like the one on our phone, above our heads as we walk around. If you knew someone’s battery was about to run out, would you treat them any better? “Look at John, his battery is on red. We better tell him how much he has meant to us.”
Don’t let age fool you either. “Look at Betty, she is young. Her battery must still be green and almost full.” It is true that Betty might be youthful, but that does not mean she has a lot of time left. We certainly hope so for Betty’s sake and for all who care about her, but we do not know. Unfortunately, we do not have the benefit of any indicators, be they hourglasses or battery warning lights, to tell us how long any of us have left. It is one of those universal mysteries.
Funerals are always hard. The worst emotion felt at funerals, in my humble opinion, is regret. The thought that we wish we had done more with that person, or shared how much they meant to us.Worse than that is if we had left with anger or nothing at all. One of the most foolish assumptions we make is thinking that we still have time. As discussed earlier, we do not know how much time we have at all. The time to share how much someone means to us is now. The time to patch up arguments and forgive transgressions, same time – now. Even if these attempts are not successful, the fact that we tried will eliminate much of the feelings of regret we would otherwise feel.
Try to remember we never know how much time any of us have left. You, or the other person could be gone tomorrow. If it helps, think of the hourglass or battery light. Realize that none of us know how much time we have left. Live your life with the urgency and passion it deserves. Ponder the quote below as you go through your day.
I have to share this story that just happened to me. Before heading out the door to write today, I told the love of my life, “I have no idea what I am going to write about.” As I was booting up my computer and settling in with my cup of coffee, I could not help but hear the two people next to me talking. It was a man and a womanin their mid to late sixties. The woman was complaining how stupid her son was. “He is married to that no good girl who blocked me.” she continued. The man countered with tails of his own children and how they annoy him even though they live out of state. Here is the crazy thing, they both went on to complain that their children never call them or want to get together with them.
The problem may seem obvious to most of us. However, these two people are certainly not alone in doing this. Daily, I am reminded of this at work and even when I DJ on the weekends. People only speak of their partner in negative terms. “You will never believe what stupid thing my husband did last night.” or “My wife is nagging me again.” Not surprising, the next day they come in with a tale of how they got into a big disagreement with their spouse the night prior.
Here is some powerful relationship advice. When it comes to the good in your relationship, share it everywhere you can. When it comes to negative items and disagreements, keep them in house. There are so many reasons you should do this. One, your words influence your attitude. This, in turn, influences your actions. Second, whoever you are talking to has their own bias and prejudice that they will bring to the situation. Seldom, if ever, will they encourage you to take and objective look at the situation. They may reinforce your negative opinions in an attempt to comfort you. This will only serve to magnify any negative emotions you are already feeling. The same holds true about positive words you say. Which is why you should share them. Lastly, it damages the image of the person you are talking about. After the disagreement has passed, the person you shared it with will have a less glowing opinion of your friend/spouse or whoever you were discussing.
If you don’t believe me, prove this to yourself. For the next week, speak all the good you can about all of the people you can and watch how your relationships improve. Not to mention, the more positive you speak, the more enjoyable you are to be around.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 