Tag: Relationships

WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SHARING?

It is no secret that I enjoy writing in coffee shops. One of the ones that I frequent is a Starbucks not far from my house. It is both convenient and friendly. Recently, they were told to start writing messages on cups to make it feel more like a ‘personal experience’. Probably a good idea. It is always good to make a customer feel more like a friend than a number. The message on the cup above confused me a little. Why did they feel compelled to tell me that “different is good”? Do I come across as a ‘different’ kind of individual? The conclusion I came to is that they were giving me inspiration on what to write for this post.

Different is good. Far too many of us are overly concerned with fitting in. We look online and to others to discover what is the latest trends. We spend a lot of money on items not for superior quality, but because the brand is what is hot currently. If you asked someone if they would like shoes that are comfortable and would last, or ones that have the ‘cool’ logo on the side, what would they answer? Logic would dictate the former, but most often people choose the latter. Same with character and behavior. We do and say what all of the ‘cool kids’ are doing and saying instead of what we believe to be the right thing to do. Being kind to and associating with those who may be struggling, is that the cool thing to do? It certainly is the right thing to do. If people look at you as different, that just means you are being true to your character. You are different. We all are. Being an original makes you far more valuable than just being another copy.

Same Starbucks when I went a few days later with my mother for an iced coffee. Completely different message, but one that was inspiring just the same. Both of these messages were very nice of the employees to write on our cups. Both very encouraging. It started me thinking on what messages are we putting out in the world? Is it one letting someone know that there difference is not only ok, but makes them special like in the first picture? Perhaps, much like the second picture, we are just letting someone know that we believe in them and they are loved? Both of those are powerful and beautiful messages.

How about you? What message are you putting out there? You might not be an employee in a coffee shop writing messages on customers cups but you do not have to be. Most of us deal with people in our profession in one way or another. What kind of message are we putting out to them? Even in our private life, what greetings do we give a stranger? Do we acknowledge them at all? There are so many opportunities to spread messages of hope, compassion and love. Are we taking advantage of them? Even wearing a shirt with a simple and inspiring message can go a long way. There are certainly no shortage of clothing with sarcastic, or uninspiring messages. Let us be the sunshine in someone’s day. What message are you spreading and how are you doing it?

JUST ONE MORE…

Today’s subject matter I have mentioned before, but it is so important that it should be repeated. Here is a little personal story of mine, I believe you can see how it will relate to your own life as well. When I was told that I needed open-heart surgery, it was roughly 60 days prior. To be honest, there was not much consideration as to what could happen. This was despite the doctor telling me that there was a small possibility of stroke or death. He quickly followed with, “It would only be a temporary stroke.” Jokingly, I asked if the death would be temporary as well. Little did I know that would be the case. We are getting ahead of ourselves, however.

In the days leading up to the surgery, Margie and I went to the movies. It was the movie Eternals. It was a long movie and I made the mistake of drinking some coffee prior to going in. Right as the heroes were saving the world, I had to save myself in the men’s room. While conducting my business the realization hit me that I could be dead in 60 days. Reading that it sounds scary, but my reaction was not. It created a sense of urgency. I realized that I had 60 days to accomplish what I wanted and the clock was ticking.

As I returned to my seat next to Margie my mind was going a mile a minute. I looked over at the love of my life and realized this could be one of the last movies we attended. I thought about the time of year, it was November at the time, and realized this could be my last Thanksgiving, Christmas and most importantly to me was Margie’s birthday. It could be my last shot to do any of these things. Then, I thought about my beautiful lady specifically. She, lost in the superhero plot to save the world looked so beautiful and it pained me to think of how she would feel if I did not make it out of my surgery. What would her memory of me be? There were more thoughts like this of other people I love and cared about. Then there were thoughts of my legacy. That is a word that sounds so far away, but here it was 60 days away from what might be my end. How does one create a legacy in 60 days? I had just released my second book. Did I share everything I wanted to with the world?

My mind began to swirl with thoughts of what I wanted to do in the remaining 60 days. Here is the crazy thing. It was not an exotic trip to Fiji. Although that is still on the list of things I would like to do. It was not get a sports car. After all, what good is material things to you if you may be gone shortly? What I wanted to do was experience and create as many memories as possible. As I write this, I am in a coffee shop with Margie working across the table. It is one of my favorite things. Really, everything with her. I realized I like going to the zoo, grocery store and walks in nature with my mother. Should I, or any of these wonderful people be gone, it would be one more of these experiences I would want to enjoy. Look around you at the people you share life with. You never know how many times you have left with them. Really enjoy that one more. Be present. Be grateful. Love as much as you can. We never know when we will be left wishing for ‘one more’.

FIND YOUR TRIBE

We discuss in great detail many of the tools and strategies you can use to improve yourself. Things such as gratitude and discipline. One of the most important things you can do to assist you in this matter is to surround yourself with like-minded people. This should be done both digitally and physically. Your tribe will support you when you feel you cannot go on. They will encourage you, hold you accountable and provide opportunities you may not have thought of. That is why it is so important to choose the right people to be a part of your tribe.

How can you go about finding the right people to join your tribe? Consider the qualities we discussed moments ago. Do you know someone who is good at encouraging you? How about someone who will hold you accountable and make you live up to your standards? Someone who shares the same goals as you? There is a good chance that you know people like this already and have a few in your life. That is good. Make sure to spend a good amount of quality time in their presence. Then, work on adding more people who fit the traits we just mentioned. Try to get a mix of them all.

How does one gather people of like-mindedness? One of the ways is to join groups and forums that reflect either something you are interested in, or a goal you are chasing. I have been to a few writers groups and belong to many author pages on social media. You can bounce ideas off of each other and get valuable advice, encouragement and accountability. Once again, do this both online and in real life. You need a mix of both.

If you want to improve your tribe even quicker, ponder those who no longer fit with where you are going in life. Try to limit, or eliminate spending time with them. Yes, you may want to help them, but be careful it is not at the cost of your own life. Being around others who are negative, encouraging you to bow to instant gratification and not try to better yourself can be poison for living a healthy and fulfilling life. The best way to move on from these folks is to spend more time with those who inspire, encourage and improve your life. Then, by default, you will have less time to spend with those who don’t.

One thought to keep in mind. When you are searching for others to join your tribe, do not forget to be a good tribe member yourself. Give as much as you get. Brainstorm and share your ideas with others. They will thank you by doing the same.

GET THAT TRASH OUT OF HERE!

How do you start your morning? Do you roll over and check your phone? Do you turn on the news while you get ready? Maybe listen to some talk radio on the way to work? Do you spend time reading something motivational to start the day? Do you spend 5 minutes in quiet reflection or are you running around like crazy?

The next question may sound a little weird, but who do you invite over to your house? Is it just friends and relatives? Do you see strangers of the street and invite them in? When people do come over, how do you expect them to act? Polite and helpful or do as they please? Let me ask you a further question. Whether that person was friend or stranger, if they started throwing trash all over your house, how long before you would ask them to leave? Would it be 5 minutes? Would you wait an entire hour or maybe even a day? Most of us would be alarmed the moment they started it doing it and ask them why. More than likely in a way that cannot be printed here.

When we wake up in the morning and expose ourselves to social media, the television or any other medium, it is the same as inviting strangers into our house. We often do not know what these people will say or do. Will it make us happy, sad or angery? Who knows. Quite often it can be a bunch of negative material. In that case, it is the same as someone coming into our house and littering. We would not allow it in the physical sense. There is no reason we should allow mental littering in our mental house either.

Last post we discussed guarding the gate of our mind. This includes evicting negative tenants. This who little our mind with negativity and gossip. Those who belittle us and others. It is the same as dumping trash in our house. Our minds become cluttered with negative influences and make it hard to enjoy a truly positive life. Next post we are going to look at some powerful ways to live a beautiful life. The great part is that all of them are 100% free! See you next post!

IMPORTANT PASSWORD INFORMATION!

The other morning I was listening to a video by Tony Robbins and I would like to share with you a little of what I got out of that video. In it he referenced Jim Rohn, his mentor. That is where the idea comes from.

The idea revolves around passwords. It seems today we have a password for everything. We have a password for our cellphones. We certainly do not want just anyone being able to get into there! We have passwords for our computer. Even things like online shopping and social media have passwords. Even logging on to the platform I write this blog on has a password. Just in case any of you would want to come on here and write an inspiring post for me. Actually, if you would like to be a guest author, we can work on that.

The one thing that we need to guard does not come with a password. That is our minds. You must stand guard at the gate of your mind. We are almost force-fed information from a variety of sources. We hear the news, family, friends and coworkers just to name a few. Many are like chicken little telling us the sky is falling and how terrible the world is. Some give us gossip about other people that may only be true to some degree or maybe not true at all. We often let this all inside our mind without deciding if it belongs there. We must safeguard our minds my friends. The place between your ears is the most powerful spot in our lives. It deserves just as much guarding as our cell phone or computer. WE decide what goes into our minds. Let us make sure not everyone has the password.

IT IS OK NOT TO HAVE AN OPINION

As we head into the week, we will be faced with a lot of information. We will also be presented with a host of differing opinions. In many ways it would seem the world is more opinionated than ever. Every post online has hosts of comments letting the person know just what they think of the post.

The truth is, all of that is exhausting. Not only for the person sharing the opinions, but also to the person listening to them. It is as if we forgot that it is OK not to have an opinion. We do not have to comment on everything we both see and hear.

This goes double if our opinion is negative. Adding negativity is add helpful as using gasoline to put out a fire. It lowers the energy for all parties concerned. You would be better moving along to find something you have a positive outlook on. It will raise your vibration and that of the world around you.

Often, we do not even have enough facts to formulate an educated opinion. When we feel compelled to say something, we end up looking for foolish than had we said nothing. This week, remember it is OK not to have an opinion.

WHEN THINGS ARE TOUGH AND YOU CAN’T SEE THE LIGHT

We have spent countless posts and words on this site talking about the benefits of developing an attitude of gratitude. One of the main benefits is to help you see the light in the darkest of times. That it why it is important to develop that attitude when things are going your way. It makes it a lot easier to develop gratitude as a lifestyle when you start using it when things are going good for you. What happens when you have not sufficiently developed your attitude of gratitude, or when you are facing a situation that feels so dark to you that it is impossible to find the light? It is then that this quote above will serve us well.

In the worst cases. That is the toughest times we face. It can be hard to think of what to be grateful for. Given some time and hindsight, it will usually occur to us. What about those first few moments? The day we lost that job? The weeks after we suffer the breakup of that relationship we thought would last forever? Even losing someone we love, what then? Our world seems so dark it can seem as if the light as abandoned us. It can be stark reminder to take a hard look at things we may not have fully appreciated. Everyone complains about going to work, but being unemployed is far more difficult. A breakup is difficult, but did you spend the time you were together loving to the fullest and appreciating the love you received? When we lose a loved one, can we double our efforts to love those that we still have in our life? How about honoring and keeping the memories in our heart of the person we lost?

There are times when life is so dark it is impossible to see the good in anything. It happens to all of us. When that does happen, it can be a great time to reflect on much of the good that we take for granted. You lost your job? Do you have people in your life that love you? Do you have skills that will allow you to get another job? Your partner leave you? Is this a chance to better yourself and learn from your mistakes so that your next relationship will be even more rewarding? It can be hardest to lose someone we really care about. Even then, we can think of our own health. We can realize what a great gift it was to have to opportunity to love someone. Being able to share connection with someone is a gift that should not be overlooked. It is sad when that gift ends, but in reflection, it was great to have. Not everyone does have such a thing.

When you face the darkest periods of your life, be grateful it was not always that way and it will not always be that way no matter how dark it looks. Do your best to notice things unrelated to the area of your life that is hurting. Do you have your health? Do you have friends? You have the ability to read a site like this and be a part of a community dedicated to seeing the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them. You can, and you will, outlast the darkness!

SHARE THE FUN!

Here is a photo of my lovely lady and I enjoying some rum punch as we arrived at our hotel in beautiful Green Island Jamaica last Monday. As you can tell from the picture, we were determined to have a good time. In addition to that, we were determined to bring as much love, kindness and fun to all of the people that we met. The souvenir we wanted to bring home was new friendships and memories of bringing joy to others. Being of service and trying to leave someone a little bit better than they were before they met you is one of the greatest joys in life.

We made many great new friends. Three of which are pictured above. First, was Shantal. This young lady was sunshine in the human form. She hosted karaoke, which Margie sang at. She was so nice to us before the show began, loved Margie’s singing and spent some time talking with us after the show. She told us where she finds inspiration and we discussed how important a positive attitude is in life. Every interaction we had with Shantal only made us happier we had the opportunity to get to know her. We both hope this will be a life-long friendship

Next was Enrico Pezzoli, the managing director of the resort we were staying at. Before we had a chance to meet with him, we heard several things about him from his employees. We heard they really felt listened to by him. Many stating how he was always present and encouraging. Mr. Pezzoli was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule to talk with us not once, but twice. He told us about the casino and entertainment venue they are building next to the resort. He also shared tips on where to travel in Italy. We chatted some about my books and I look forward to hearing more about his thoughts on them.

Lastly, was a server we had at breakfast. Her name was Felecia. She could not have been kinder and more pleasant. When Margie ordered soursop juice, she offered information on the fruit itself and how she enjoyed eating them. She even went to look to see if they had some extras they had not juiced in back so she could better show us what she meant. Not only was she friendly, but treated us as friends and not just another table to wait on. We were fortunate enough to see her before we left and take a picture with her.

Being kind and trying to make people’s lives a little better is not just something you want to do on vacation. When I came back, I stopped at the coffee shop that I normally write at. This is what they wrote on my cup. It was a very kind gesture, but one I think was earned by doing my best to brighten their days whenever possible. This holds true with your family, friends and coworkers! We should always have the goal of leaving others, and the world around us, a little better than we found it. Being kind and offering the gift of joy is just one of the many ways in which we can do that!

Think of your average day. Who do you interact with? How can you make their day a little better than it was before you came into it? This can be other drivers, coworkers, the cashier at the grocery store to, of course, family and friends. Do you best to be a blessing to others. It will not only make their life better, but bring more joy to yours as well.

SHINE ANYWAY!

There are many things in this world that confuse me. One of the greatest is that people are offended and irritated by other people’s happiness. We should celebrate one another’s happiness. There are so many reasons for this, that I cannot imagine why you would not want to do it. Think of going to a restaurant where a stranger is having a birthday party. I have actually heard people complain that singing happy birthday disturbed their dinner. Here is an idea, why not sing along? One, singing along would lift your spirit. Two, can you imagine how it would feel for you to have a total stranger singing Happy Birthday to you? It would just add a little more joy to an already happy occasion. Why rain on someone else’s parade?

Simply, when you celebrate the joys of others, you have more joy to celebrate in life. When you are envious or irritated by the joy of others, you have more in your life to be troubled by. We cannot control what happens in our life, much less the life of others. What we have complete control over is how we react to what happens. If we choose to be irritated, our life will be less enjoyable. If we celebrate every joy we see as if it was our own and feel grateful for all the joy in the world, our life will be filled with more joy and gratitude. Which life would you rather live?

The picture mentions one other important point. That is that this irritation can result from someone who is not quite healed. When you break up it is hard to see other couples loving. It can be as though through their love they are pouring salt on your wounded heart. That is only one way of looking at it. It could also be that they are giving you a picture of hope. That despite your unfortunate experience in the world of love, there is hope that things could work out well in the future and here is an example of how. The same can be true with people who have abundance when we are lacking. Someone with lots of friends when we are lonely. Someone healthy when we are not. It may be that their joy is giving us hope and a reminder that things will not always be tough. When you share in their joy, it often helps you make it through your tough times. When you resent other people’s happiness it not only makes you look like a jerk, but darkens your life even further.

Celebrate the joy in other people’s lives. If someone is irritated by your joy, give them some and do not let it dampen your celebration of life. Those folks are often the ones who need a little love and compassion the most.

MANY PATHS UP THE MOUNTAIN

We touched on this earlier in the week. We are going to take a little deeper dive into the subject today. I want to start with a fitness analogy because it is my belief that physical improvement mirrors self-improvement rather well. If you are a trainer looking to help someone get in shape, your best chance at success is to find an activity that person enjoys. It is not as though only one activity will get you in shape. Some people like running, some people like walking. Some go to the gym. Some work out at home. All of these will help get you in shape. Alas, there are many people who say their way is the best. It might be the best…for them. I think we can all appreciate that there are many different ways to improve our physical fitness. At the end of the day they all lead to better physical health.

If this is so easy to understand with physical fitness, why is it so difficult to understand with religion and politics? Someone can practice a different faith than you and still lead them to a greater sense of peace and connection with their creator. If what they practice helps them become a better version of themselves for their family, community and themselves, who cares if it is different than ours? Same with politics. Yes, we have different beliefs on how things should be run. At the end of the day I think we all want a safe, affordable place to live where we are free to think and be any way that does not harm others. Rather than screaming at each other for being different, why not find ways in which our different approaches lead to the same goal?

This happens even among self-improvement teachers and coaches. “My method works the best!” you will hear someone claim. Maybe it does for them and a select group of others. A different method may work better for others. That is why I listen to many different speakers. You can hear a message many times and it will not resonate with you. Then you hear a person explain it just such a way that it finally clicks with you. Would you waste your time screaming at all the other people that they are wrong, or would you accept that their method may work for people who are different than you? This seems like a commons sense question, but it should be asked more often.

Can you think of examples where there may be different paths to the ‘top of the mountain’ that will all work? Can you think of ways people can work together despite their differences?