We touched on this last post. We need to slow down on occasion. Spending time in nature has so many benefits that we have devoted entire posts to it in the past. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Without the best medicine, there is no way your life can be healthy. One thing that wasn’t listed in the photo above that I believe is important is connection. In all of our lives we need to experience, and feel, a sense of connection. With friends, with nature and with ourselves. This can be a spiritual practice, a meditative practice or making it a point to be present with a night out with friends.
A fun little art project that can die this all together is to come up with a ‘Slow down book’. Just my idea of a title, use whatever speaks to you. This can be something as simple as a notebook, or as fancy as you want to be. In this book, record moments where you do slow down and feel connection and inner peace. You can do this by jotting down a memory of the moment, placing photos you have taken of the event or maybe a menu if it is a place to eat. The possibilities are endless. Customize it as you see fit.
Why is creating a ‘memory book’ so important? Can’t we just remember these moments in our head? Sure, but having a tactile reminder can be such a heart-warming experience. It can supply us with extra feelings of gratitude when viewed after the fact. After a stressful day when we are doing our best to think of a way to unwind, we can review the book and see events that have brought us joy in the past. You would be surprised how difficult thinking can be when you are already stressed out.
I would love to hear about some activities that bring you peace and joy. What do you think about the idea of creating a book like this?
It is a sad fact that many people today feel like they do not count. That could not be further from the truth. We all matter despite what others and the world may tell us. In my own life, when I begin to feel down and like I need a reminder of my significance, I found the best way to accomplish both of those is to be a blessing to others. By doing so, I not only feel valuable knowing that I brought good to the life of another, but I know from all of those who bring good to my life how much that matters.
Being a blessing can happen in so many ways. For a few ideas, read our last post, 3 steps to paradise. You can inspire someone with your thoughts. This can be a simple prayer for someone or just sending them some good vibes. Feeling grateful for someone can put a smile on your face as well. Another way to be a blessing is to vocalize these thoughts. Sharing a kind word with others is such a blessing these days. Kind words can be rare making them not only valuable, but a true blessing. Lastly, you can do a good deed for someone. Buy a coffee for the one you love, give someone a card for no reason. Even a welcoming hug a sharing a smile with a stranger can be more of a blessing than you know.
You matter. You are a blessing. We all are. Let us be blessings for others today.
As much as I would like this post to be about 3 steps to finding yourself on a tropical beach somewhere, that is not what we are discussing today. This is something even better! What could be better than being on a tropical beach? Can you believe that I even said there is something better? What is better is living a life that you do not need a vacation from. That has been so much in self-improvement circles that it almost sounds cliche. Living this kind of life is not as difficult as one may think. The principles we are going to discuss can be applied on a beach in Jamaica, or while working in a state that seems to have 9 months of winter…hypothetically.
Paradise, like this dinner on the beach in the Bahamas Margie and I shared, can be reached inside one’s soul. The first of the three steps listed above in a good thought. I cannot mention how much this can change your situation. Just this morning I was working on a very physically demanding task at my day job. Struggling to get through it, I thought of the beautiful lady above and how I was earning money to be able to do things to bring a smile to her face. Would you believe that gave me not only the boost of energy to continue, but made the task an almost pleasant means to an end.
The second step to paradise, going by the quote we started with, is a good word. This is certainly something the world needs. There is quite a bit of negative, angry and depressing words around. Sharing a good word with others can not only change their world, but yours as well. That word could be encouragement, a genuine compliment or just sharing of good news. In doing this, you create a more pleasant environment for all of those around you, and in turn, they tend to be in a better mood. When you are surrounded by people in a good mood, that makes your life a lot sweeter.
The last step to paradise is a good deed. Like making delicious tacos for the man who loves you so much. Margie made me these tacos the other night after a hard days work. I cannot begin to explain the joy, gratitude and love for her this kind deed invoked. When you do a kind deed for others, again it is a win/win situation. You make them not only happy, but grateful that you are in their life. How do you think that will affect your future interactions with them? You also get a feeling of contentment knowing that you have brought joy or assistance to someone else’s life.
Using the principles discussed in the quote above, people who think good thoughts, speak good words and do good deeds will have a life that feels like paradise. That is why people who may appear to have it all, but do not practice these three things, will not have a fulfilling life. If you are thinking about revenge, speaking with a lot of sarcasm, and worried only about yourself, your life will never feel like paradise. Does your life feel like you need a vacation? It happens to all of us. Just do more of the three things above and soon your life will begin to feel better than ever.
Last post we discussed how we can recapture a little of the excitement of youth by remembering how cool things we used to do in treehouses and blanket forts were and comparing them with what we can do in our own homes. We ended that post by observing that our appreciation for the simple things tends to fade as we grow older. We do not find hiding in a blanket fort with our love as exciting as landing in Jamaica, or wherever our choice vacation destination is. Obviously, there are many more benefits to traveling to a luxury resort in a tropical paradise. Especially if you live in the freezing climate like my lady and I do.
What I am about to share with you is a very powerful secret to not only an amazing life, but an amazing relationship. Sit down, get comfy, but pay close attention. Using this secret will both deepen your connection with your partner and increase the amount of joy you experience on those tropical getaways. The best part we haven’t even mentioned. It will have you experiencing more joy on a daily basis. How about that for something amazing? You will grow closer to your partner, those special moments will feel more magical and you will experience more peace and joy in your heart daily. Does that sound like something you might be willing to give a try?
The answer lies in what we do in those seemingly little moments. I say ‘seemingly’ because that is how we view them. They are, however, the basis of what makes our life what it is. If you wait to bring magic to your relationship until there is a special occasion, what are you doing the rest of the time? Les Brown said there are very few couples who are living together. Most of us are just dying together. That is an uncomfortable truth. Do you spend your days arguing about who is going to make the bed or take out the garbage? Try making the bed together while talking about how great it will be to snuggle together in it later. When you take out the garbage, ponder how amazing it is that you can afford all the the things that generate this refuse and send a feeling of gratitude that there is someone who takes care of that garbage for you.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Yeah right. Happy making the bed and taking out the garbage?” It might sound far fetched, but stop and think for a minute. How happy would you be to make your own bed after being homeless? Can you even imagine being homeless? How about having to dig a pit and bury your refuse in your back yard. How long would you like to do that? Here is the million dollar secret in case you have missed it. Why should you even put fourth effort to find the joy and magic in these ordinary tasks? Simple. You do them every damn day. The difference between feeling like you are being dragged to do something you do not want to do verses something that you get to do and finding the joy in it, can transform the way your life feels on a daily basis!
One of the areas that I have found can be mined for joy and drawing closer to your partner is the grocery store. Watching what hot sauce they pick out and enjoy so you can surprise them with it at a later date. Talking about what kind of meals you would like to make together, or maybe picking out a new food to try together. That can be fun! That is not to say that every trip to the grocery store will be a magical experience. Margie and I have distinctively different shopping techniques and when we are tired and overworked this can lead to not so magical moments. It is then that having the experience of how to make it magical is more important than ever.
Here is the added bonus. When you learn to appreciate all the small moments in life, the big ones become even more magical. Take that view leading to the beach in the lower right corner. Truly a beautiful sight. Taking the time to hold my lady’s hand and experience it together, that made it more magical. The pigs in the upper left corner? We swam with them in the ocean and then fed them on shore. Watching my love interact with them and sharing our adventures with each other gave us memories for years to come. These are not things that happen overnight. Working on communication and relating to each other allowed us to better appreciate the moment together. That made the trip, and our time together on it, even more magical.
These two events play off of each other. What we learn in discovering the magic of daily life helps us to better appreciate our exciting time away. We also take lessons we learn on vacation home with us. When something doesn’t quite turn out like we thought (say our relaxing sunset cruise turns into an adventure straight out of Deadliest catch) we usually recoup back at our hotel room and say, “At least I get to be here with you.” That lesson holds true when we are spending an evening at home. A blizzard may have shut down the city and maybe the furnace is out. Still I will look out from under the blanket we are huddled together under and say, “At least I get to be here with you.”
Several years ago, Margie and I discovered a musician we both really enjoyed. Not only was his music fun to listen to, but his lyrics were both meaningful and positive. They encouraged social change, acceptance of everyone and loving those you are with. Ideals Margie and I also do our best to live up to. As he released albums we purchased them and listened to them on repeat. We went to saw him in concert a few hours away and even had the chance to meet him.
Fast forward to today. That artist is now standing accused of grooming a young musician he was on tour with among other things. Whether he is guilty or not is not for me to decide. The sad thing is that he admitted having an affair with this woman, claiming it was consensual. Whether it was or not, I am sure will be decided either in the courts, or the court of public opinion. What is sad, and by his own admission true, is that he had an ongoing affair with this woman while his wife and kids were supporting him at home.
This is not a point a finger and judge type post. What happened is between him, that woman and his wife. The creator has not put me in a position to judge others actions.The sad part of this for me is that his lyrics, that are so powerfully written fall flat listening to them now. Preaching about loving those you care about while having an affair seems rather hypocritical. It also gives the cynics and the people who want to convince the world how bad things are more ammunition. Where this man once stood as a beacon to prove that there is a human who is loving, accepting and a model of what is decent as a human being, now there stands a man who has given into pleasure over promise.
What happens next in this situation is certainly up to this musician. We all have flaws. None of us live in glass houses. The danger lies in projecting an image you are not true to yourself. Not only is it a disappointment for all who look up to you, but it is terribly self-destructive in the quite moments when we are alone with our conscious. Before you think that you are immune to this because you are not rich and famous, not so fast. Many people still look up to us. If you are a parent, you have your children. There are your friends and family. Your coworkers often rely on you for inspiration. Maybe the stranger that takes your order at the coffee shop admires your patience and compassion. It could be you that gives a server in a restaurant hope that not all people are demanding, entitled fools.
We all slip from time to time. I do you, you do and so did this musician. What is a real test of our character is what we do after we slip. Will we own up to our mistakes and use them to make us a stronger more resilient soul? Will we deflect blame and try to lie our way out of it? This man has sure lost a lot of respect from many people. His message seems a little harder to believe. What he does now can either further erode that reputation, or help to gain it back. The same is true when we do not live up to the standards we put out and hold ourselves to. It is my sincerest wish for not only this musician, but for all of us when we stumble, that in the grace given by others we will find the strength to rise once again and learn to be an even better version of ourselves.
Last post we mentioned the quote from Tony Robbins that “What is wrong is always available. So is what is right.” Some of us have a challenge developing a grateful mindset. Doing so is the secret to living an amazing life. One of the easiest ways of doing this is to look around at the lives of those less fortunate. We do not have to look very far. The news is full of tragedy of both a personal and geographical nature. It blows my mind how upset with life some people can be. They lament how unfair life is or how hard they have it. If you can read these words, you have it better than millions of others. You are literate. That means you have the potential to learn just about anything. You have access to the internet. Which again means you can learn just about anything.
Gandhi’s thought above is a really bold statement. The late Greg Plitt, who continues to inspire, said “If you feel unmotivated to change your life, take a walk through the cancer ward at a children’s hospital.” That is an uncomfortable statement. The reason that it is so uncomfortable is that it forces us to realize how much greater our challenges can be. This is not to say whatever you are going through is not tough. Many of you are facing challenges greater than anything I have ever faced. It just reminds us that there are others who are struggling worse than us and could use our support and compassion.
Sticking with the gent from India, this is a great next step. When we see those folks who remind us that our situation could be worse. We should reach out and lend a hand. It is what will not only make their challenge a little less. It will help us gain the knowledge that even in our most challenging of times, we can be of service to others. We not only can be, but we should be. It is in doing so that we often discover our greatest gifts and talents. This can give us the confidence and purpose to make it through our own challenges. It is a win/win situation. It is how the world should be.
This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.
This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.
This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.
We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.
Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?
Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.
Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.
To me, this conversation seems like one I have had a million times. Although, we only have discussed it on here briefly. My mom and I reflect on certain things and say how it seems like a lifetime ago. Now, with almost 11 years together, Margie and I find ourselves doing the same thing.
Have you ever done this? Think about a restaurant you used to go to, or people you got together with and it seems like it was in another lifetime. The reason I bring that up is this time of year brings to town one of my favorite things, The Wisconsin State Fair. This year it seems many of the staples that have been there for years, or even decades, are gone.
We all understand that things change and hopefully evolve. Still, this begs the question how can we hang on to those moments? As we sat watching a dog diving show, this thought was bouncing through my head.
The answer is to stay grateful for them. To appreciate every moment as they happen. Look around you. The people and places around you may not be there tomorrow. It is a sobering thought to be sure, but hopefully one that will motivate us to appreciate each other and live in the moment.
Above is a breakfast sandwich I enjoyed the other morning at my favorite place, The Wisconsin State Fair. It was delicious. Last year, my mother, Margie and I discovered it the first day we went. Shortlyafter that, I proposed to her. In reflection, we all recall the sandwich being quite delicious.
With that in mind, I was excited to bite into this one with the hollandaise sauce,ham, and cheese all in a delicious croissant. While it did satisfy my taste buds, it fell short of the year prior. No fault of the establishment. The ingredients were just as delicious.
What was missing? It was the company, the excitement of the day. Here I sat, all alone, trying to recreate that. Margie was baking and my mother was getting ready to help someone else.
What I learned was that it is the people andwhat you do with them is what makes memories and makes moments special. It not only adds flavor to a lonely breakfast sandwich, but it adds flavor to life as well. If you want to fill your life with happy memories, fill it with special people and loving times.
Today is a momentous day! I turn the big 5-0. People have been asking me how it feels to turn 50. To be honest, it feels surreal. Certainly, it does not feel like I am reaching a milestone. To me, especially after my brief flirtation with death, life should be lived daily. To look back and think that I have been on this planet for half of a century does seem incredible. There are so many milestones that have yet to be reached. Marriage will arrive in 2027 to my beautiful Margie. Still looking to retire to a warm climate. Heck, I am still looking to retire. Have not made the best-seller list yet but book four will be arriving soon.
The quote above is my favorite quote of all time. Every year, I learn more what it means. Sure, I understand it intellectually, but learn more about it emotionally with every experience I have. Being the change you want to see in the world means different things to different people. To me, it means changing the world in the only way we are able, that is by changing ourselves. When my journey into self-improvement began it was with a wish that the world was a more positive place. As we sit here on the 29th of July in 2025, we have a long way to go to meet that end. Do you know what is positive? My world! As mentioned, I have what is to me the most beautiful and loving woman in the world. I have great friends and family who lend me support.
The way that my world has improved is by following one of my new favorite quotes, which is the one by Marcus Aurelius. Being a good man, or woman, means treating others with dignity and respect. It means living with honesty and integrity. When you live like this, others respect you and start treating you with kindness and compassion. Life really is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It has taken me 50 years to figure much of this out, but I am going to share as much of it as I can, to as many as I can, so all may learn what it has taken me a lifetime to learn.
As birthdays seem to add up, you can’t help but think of the legacy you are leaving behind. To me the best legacy is one of good character and example. Sharing the knowledge and experiences you have gone through. Learning from the pain and the growth it has forced you to endure. By sharing this with others it also gives purpose to your pain, making it a little easier to make it through. At 50 I have made through many loses and struggles. Still have many more to make it through. Each one, I ask myself, “How can I use this to serve others?” It has help me make through being one of the first people in my state to get Covid. (Did a series of YouTube videos to help others be less afraid) Margie reminded me to use it during my heart surgery to help others who may have to go through the same in the future. I wrote an entire book about the experience called The Beat Goes On.
How about you? On your next birthday whether it has a 0, a 5 or any other number after it, will you be any closer to the legacy you want to live? I will be releasing my fourth book this year. Today I also started the third season of my podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian, on YouTube. Feel free to check that out. I also have another project that will be starting this year that I think you all will love. I continue to find ways to share knowledge with and inspire others. The sand in the hourglass continues to fall and time draws short. This only increases my sense of urgency. I hope it will do the same for you. I would love to hear what legacy you hope to leave behind.You can pick up any of my books, including the one mentioned in this post, at the link below.
