This year it is important to set boundaries. It is important to set goals and resolutions to make clear what we are going after. It is just as important to set boundaries to let others know what we will not tolerate. This is not meant to be antagonist, but to teachothers how they should treat you.
Setting boundaries can be difficult at first. This is especially true for people you have let trample your boundaries in the past. In the long term it will actually reduce stress in your life. Quite a bit actually! It will also improve the quality of your relationshipswith others. When they respect you and your boundaries, you will enjoy spending more time with them. In addition, it sets the relationship up for growth that otherwise wouldn’t be possible.
Therefore, it would both serve you, and the relationship you share with this person, to make your boundaries clear and to stick by them. Remember, it may be uncomfortable in the short-term, but it will ultimately serve you long-term.
The next 3 days we are going to look at things to get ready before the New Year. Today’s post is about changing our perspective on happiness. Many people spend their lives chasing happiness. It really is a fool’s errand. For one, happiness is usually a reaction to outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is more of an emotional state. Put another way, happiness is a destination, and joy is a way of traveling. What we can do is focus on the setting up situations that create happiness for us. It would be even wiser to focus on what has us feeling joy in our hearts. Let us take a look at a few of these.
During these last 360+ days of posts you may have grown tired of me bringing up a certain topic, but here we go again. What of the greatest ways to not only feel happy, but create inner peace and joy as well, is to foster an attitude of gratitude. The reason gratitude gets so much attention is because it works. Being grateful turns what you have into enough. It helps us frame life in a more positive perspective. Realizing there are many things that are worth celebrating in life. It can conquer fear, anxiety and anger. It can help with depression. Finding a gratitude practice to start in your life would be one of the best things you can do for yourself in the New Year. You could start a gratitude journal. You could fill a photo album of things you are grateful for in your cell phone. That way gratitude is a push button away.
In addition to gratitude, another great way to increase joy in your life is to focus on how you can best serve others. When you increase the amount of joy and smiles in someone else’s life, you cannot help but feel better yourself. The best service usually involves something you are naturally good at or enjoy. If you are a good listener, find a way to help people really be heard. If you are a good baker, fill people’s hearts with joy by filling their stomachs with treats. Help an elderly neighbor with the grass or shoveling snow. Whatever you do, use it to help others and your world will end up a brighter place.
In the coming year, do not waste time chasing joy. Instead, focus on filling your heart and journey with genuine joy. Be grateful. Find ways to serve others. Remember, the more people you bring joy to, the more happy people you will be surrounded with and the more they will want to do the same for you. That way, you will not have to chase happiness, it will naturally come to you.
Here at secret2anamazinglife.com, we are honored and grateful to be followed in over 200 countries and by over 100,000 people. As you can imagine, this covers a wide array of faiths, cultures and beliefs. There is one thing that remains the same. That is our desire that everyone may enjoy this holiday season with their friends, family and those they love. May they be able to do so with health and peace and joy in their hearts. Another firm desire is that those of different beliefs may find the peace and love to honor each other and celebrate together.
In a world that is all to often filled with division and hate, let us use this holiday season to reach out and connect with one another in the spirit of humanity. Although our traditions may differ, we all enjoy time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate this common ground with one another. Share a fun tradition you do with another. Maybe share a dish that you make this holiday with another family or group of friends. Most importantly, greet one another with a spirit of togetherness. May your holiday celebrations be filled with joy and love.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
One of the greatest self-improvement tools are affirmations. They help us access the subconscious mind and improve our inner dialogue. This can be vital as according to research, 70-80% of our inner dialogue can fall into the category of negative criticism. Can you imagine being forced to hang out with someone who talks negatively about you 70-80% of the time? That is what most of us do between our own two ears. Changing your inner dialogue can be a tough task. That is why affirmations can be such a helpful tool. As helpful as they are, there are several issues with affirmations.
Some of the greatest challenges of affirmations are the conscious minds disagreement with the statements. If you are repeating “I am full of abundance.” and you are sitting in your broken down car, your brain will be tempted to say, “No you are not! Look at your car.” This is why is is helpful to change it to things like, “Abundance is all around me and flowing to me.” Something your brain can’t argue with. Another way to get around this is using ‘Askfirmations’ which we will address in more detail in a later post. Essentially, it is rephrasing your affirmation as a question. Such as, “Why am I getting more abundant?” “Why do opportunities keep showing up for me?” The reason this works is that if you give the mind a question, it is hard wired to find an answer to it. It is rather like putting your mind to work for you.
Affirmations work best when done consistently. One of the challenges to this is the crazy busy world we live in. How do we remember, and more importantly, dedicate time to doing affirmations? One way to tackle this is to set an alarm on our phone. We do this for a time we can reasonably count on. For 5 minutes we repeat our affirmations. We can do them 5 minutes before bed. Not only will we say them, but the mind will continue to work on them as we are sleeping. Our partner may wonder what we are mumbling on the pillow next to them, but we can just reassure them we are working on creating a better version of ourselves.
My favorite way to do affirmations is to work them into things we do everyday already. One opportunity that often goes under used is your reply to a common greeting. How often do people ask “How are you doing?” or some other form of the question? Average people are asked several times a day. If you are in an occupation where you work with the public, that amount goes up considerably. Therefore, the answer to that question is something you say daily. Why answer with a simple, “Good.” or “Fine.” when you could turn it into an opportunity for improving your inner dialogue? Can you imagine answering something like “I am great and getting better all of the time.” or “I’m getting healthier and happier every day.” If you get in the habit of making this your response, you will be automatically saying an affirmation several times a day.
You can see how your response to a simple greeting can improve your life. One word of serious caution is to avoid what people think are cute, sarcastic answers. They work in reverse of what we just talked about. I can’t count the times when after I tell someone I am living the dream they respond, “Are you sure it is not a nightmare?” I hear people say things such as they are barely surviving and trying to get by. Why you would be feeding your mind this kind of thought over and over is beyond me. It not only brings down your frequency, but does so to anyone else in earshot, including the person inquiring about your well-being. Use the opportunity to make your life a more positive and enjoyable place to be and to make that voice between your own two ears a more positive one!
I’m not sure if you have read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but you definitely should. In a nutshell, it explains how different people give and receive love in different ways. Some, like myself, use words and verbal communication to express love. Some, like my lovely lady, use physical intimacy.This can be a hug, a kiss or even holding your hand. The crazy thing is people can give love in one language and receive love in another. If that isn’t confusing enough, the Languages can change throughout life!
Why is learning these love Languages so important? Here’s why. You can be showing love the best way you know how and your partner could feel like you are not showing any love at all. Do you think that could end up causing some issues between the two of you? That is why learning your partners love language is vital to a successful relationship.
Equally important is to know your love language. What makes you feel loved? Is it someone giving you time? How about giving you a hug? Maybe a meaningful gift? Doing an act of service for you? If you are thinking, “Hey, those all sound pretty good!” You are not alone. Most people can feel love in a few categories but are usually dominant in one or two. Want to find out what your love language is? How about your partner‘s? There is a fun quiz you can take together or separately in the back of the book.
When you know your partner’s love language, it is important to use that language to communicate. They will receive your love a lot more and you will be a lot less stressed. Once you know your love language you can convey that to your partner and they can feel more effective at conveying love to you. That will have them feeling a lot less stressed as well. Two people who are less stressed in a relationship with each other?That is a recipe for success!
When I grabbed this quote, I liked many things about it. It is very close to what we discussed a few posts ago how your mind and body do not have to be in the same place at the same time. Before we get into the actual quote, I have to share something about it. What made me laugh after further inspection was where this quote came from. When I was a senior in high school, I did not do well at English class. As mentioned in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, my teacher even told me, “I pray to God you will never have a career in writing.” At the time it was a fair assessment. Three books and over twenty five hundred blog posts later, maybe not so much. One of the reasons the teacher thought this way is my lack of appreciation of classic literature. When I read something, I like to be able to enjoy it and not search for what it is supposed to mean. Give me the story straight I say. The story that stands out the most in this regard? You guessed it, Paradise Lost. The very story today’s quote comes from.
Now that we have had some humorous back story, let us look at the quote itself. The very first part I find intriguing. “The mind is its own place…” How many of us stop and think of the mind that way? Many things only exist in the mind. Fear is a great example. It is created by, and exists solely in the mind. Many of the stresses in our lives reside between our own two ears. The mind has its own dialogue. As Mr. Milton goes on to explain, “…and in itself, can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” What this means to me is that the mind we bring to a situation goes a long way to determine the quality of the situation.
This is the reason that you can see two people in exactly the same situation, but one is happy and one is miserable. One place I see this a lot is at the gym. Some people working out there look miserable. Some are lifting weights with smiles on their faces. If you stopped and focused on everything you have to do to get to the gym and get a workout, coupled with how sore you might feel after, it would be a pretty miserable experience. You also wouldn’t show up that often, or for that long. If you were to change that focus and realize that every rep of weights and every step of cardio are getting you that much closer to being the healthy person you are working to become, you would be motivated to keep pushing on.
This holds true in any situation in life. At a funeral for example. We can think about the regret of moments lost or never pursued. It will expand the pain and make the feelings of hurt and loss that much greater. We could also focus on the fond memories we have with the dearly departed and ponder ways in which we will honor their memory. This may very well help ease the pain and may even see a smile cross our face as we think about a silly or happy memory.
Switching focus is a great way to control what kind of place the mind is, a heaven or a hell. When I find myself in particularly trying situations, I ask how I can use that to serve others. This obviously does not change my circumstances, but it certainly changes the person I bring to them. Finding ways to bring happiness and gratitude to any situation can turn a hell into a heaven. I would love to hear your secrets for making your mind a positive place to be.
It is my sincere wish that everyone reading these posts on this website not only enjoy them, but that I am able to be of service to you as well. Above is one of the main reasons why. Today we celebrate the birth of my beautiful lady, Margie. Having the right life partner can make all of the difference. Someone who matches your goals and drive is key to living an amazing life. When I look back to the person I was ten years ago verses the person I am since we met, the difference is night and day.
We are currently on the march towards having 1000 days straight of new content. This would not be possible without the support of this lovely lady. From encouraging me to share ideas, helping me make it through my heart surgery and even making sure that I have delicious meals to keep me going. Without her love and support behind the scenes, there is some serious doubt we would be looking at almost 900 days in a row on this site. If you enjoy my YouTube channel, Neil Panosian, she is behind the camera in almost every video.
She may not get enough public credit for the role she plays in my content, but she certainly earns it in private. This run of consecutive days of content began shortly after my brief flirtation with death. That was one of the most challenging periods of my life. Recently, I have lost my last living grandparent at the age of 96. Through it all, Margie has been right there by my side. I couldn’t ask for a better friend, lover and person to share the rest of my life with. Please join me in wishing the beautiful, loving woman above a very happy and healthy birthday. I know wishes from around the globe would put a smile on her face.
This quote really makes you think. We take for granted the space we occupy here on earth. We actually are just renting it. In time we will pass on and leave that space for someone else. This is not just in reference to our house or apartment. No, it is our career, the space we occupy in the hearts of our friends and family. There is the role we play in the community. If we stop and ponder, we need to pay for that rent. That payment, as Muhammad Ali so eloquently put it, is the service we give to others.
It has been my experience that the greater amount of service we provide for others, the greater the demand for our presence. We become more valuable and significant by serving others. This may seem counter-intuitive, but if you think about it I am sure you will find it to be true. If you wish to become more important, if you wish to command a greater amount of influence, if you want a larger social circle, all you have to do is be of greater service to your fellow humans.
How about you? What do you do to pay your rent here on earth? How to you serve others?
This picture came up in my Facebook memories from 12 years ago. What a different lifetime ago that was! I had not even met the love of my life yet. I was also an entirely different person. I have learned and grown so much in the last 12 years, I would not even recognize myself in the mirror if I were to look back. This made me think of the difference in what syndrome they might name after me now verses then. It is an odd and somewhat humorous way to look at things, but it could really serve us.
How about you? What characteristics do you think people think of when you pop in their mind? Are they positive? Are they negative? If it is the former, keep it up! If it is the latter, you know what to do, change them! Do you have some qualities that you would hope that people would associate to you? If so, just start working to embody those very traits more often. Personally, I would like people to think of someone who encourages and empowers others when I come into their mind. Therefore, in the new year I am going to do my best to live those qualities. How about you? What traits do you think you are an example of? What traits would you want to be?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 