We have some very exciting and empowering things coming up in the next few days. My fourth book should be out this summer. Inside it, you will find the tools and strategies to live a rich and fulfilling life. In short, how to go from striving to thriving. You may be asking yourself how there can be a manual on how to live a fulfilling life when the definition of that is different for everyone. That is a very intelligent and thought-provoking question. The answer is, at once, simple yet complex. While it is true that each one of us has their own definition of ‘fulfilling’, there are some common threads that will make any life more fulfilling when put into practice.
If you have read any of my previous 3 books, you will know that each of the tools and strategies I present are not only universal, but can be customized to work for the individual and their life circumstances. To further illustrate this point, I implored the followers of this blog, as well as friends and associates, to share their definition of a fulfilling life. We are going to highlight some of their answers and take a little deeper dive into them. We will also add ways in which we can put their ideas into practice in our own life to wake up with a greater sense of fulfillment.
The book, and this question, is far from over. If reading some of these answersand they inspire you, feel free to add your definition of what makes life fulfilling in the comments below. Your answer could be featured in our next post, or maybe even in my fourth book!
Yes, this is a funny little meme. Yes, it is also the honest truth for me when it comes to winter. It is also a great suggestion for appreciating different aspects of what the cold weather brings. I mentioned a few posts ago that where I live the weather is dangerously cold. The news is recommending people do not leave their house unless they have to. Makes you wonder why I am not on vacation writing to you from the tropics. As you read this, there is a great chance that I am doing just what the photo above states. Sitting inside enjoying a good cup of coffee. Chances are that I am doing so with some wonderful company as well.
As much as I dislike the cold, there is something wonderful to be said about being inside looking out at it. Enjoying coffee with Margie, my mother or some other wonderful person becomes so much more of a blessing. The fact that we have the freedom and ability to do so is something we are all grateful for. While it is true that you can do this in the warm weather, it has a different feel when the temperature plummets below freezing.
Wherever you are, and no matter what the weather is like, may you enjoy the blessing of sharing a great cup of coffee with some wonderful company. Make sure you take time to be grateful for the ability to do so. In a world where things can change in an instant, it is fully enjoying the present that makes all of the difference.
As an author, you may be tempted to think this is a ploy to get to you buy more books. Certainly, if you would like to go on Amazon and search ‘Neil Panosian’, feel free to order away. In truth, this post has nothing to do with books at all. It has to do with people. The people in your life. Friends, loved ones and even just the people you enjoy spending time with.
In my own life, I have recently lost two people. My grandmother, who was 96 years old, and my friend Billy Spaulding, who we wrote about last post. These two are not only two entirely different people, they will serve as a great example of what we wish to discuss here today. We often have two types of relationships with people. The book version, or the CliffsNotes version. With Billy I had the book, with my grandmother, the CliffsNotes.
Above you see some very smart people with great taste in books. I hope they had the pleasure of reading the entire thing from cover to cover. When it comes to relationships, do we read from cover to cover? Here is what I mean. When we lose someone, we lose more than just that person’s physical presence in our life. We lose stories we share. We lose jokes that maybe we are the only ones to understand, or find funny.Having these to appreciate takes reading the whole book cover to cover. What is the difference and how do we go about reading these books? Let’s take a look.
My grandmother, my dad’s mother, recently passed away at the age of 96. Sadly, I can’t really share much about her as we did not spend a great deal of time together. For several years she even thought my name was Nick. Margie thought the same thing, but that is a different story. I knew her name. Spent a few moments with her and even have a few comical memories of things she did. In other words, the CliffsNotes version. Did I know her favorite flower? No. Did I know what made her laugh? Not at all.
On the opposite side of the spectrum was my friend Billy. We had spent hours discussing life and our place in it. We shared jokes, laughter and quite a few cocktails. Last post goes into this in greater detail. There is even a video of the two of us on our YouTube channel. That is reading the book version of getting to know someone. As I was laying awake unable to sleep thinking of this blog and what I was going to write, another thing occurred to me – technology. It is vital that we share with each other on as many levels as we can.
Cellphones can be linked to the decline of personal communication. They can, however, help us establish the ‘whole book’ way of remembering someone. Above are pictures of my late uncle, my cousin who passed away at the age of 22, Margie’s mom (whose birthday we celebrate today) and I, my great uncle and my grandfather. All of these people are no longer here. Many passed before cell phones were really a thing. Therefore, there is little or no audio and video of them. As I thought about people I would like to still be able to speak with, my grandfather popped into my head. My mind even strained to remember the sound of his voice. It seems unreal that there was never a video made, but you just didn’t think of those things. That is why it is important to get to know each other on the deepest level. When my young cousin passed away in a tragic accident, we were scheduled to get together and shoot a video for my YouTube channel the very next week.
The point of all of this is to create the memories now. Do not settle for surface knowledge of someone. Really get to know them. You never know when it may be your last chance to do so. If it is, do you want to be left with CliffsNotes or do you want to say you have read the whole book?
Recently, we lost my good friend Billy Spaulding. Professionally, Billy was a musician. I recall my first introduction was at Scotty’s Tavern where Margie had taken me to see him perform. He sang many great classic country songs with a host of guest performers including his late sister June. What would not appear on his business card, if he had one, was things like stand-up comedian, philosopher, matchmaker, and storyteller. The unique thing about Billy is that he was all of these roles, and he was them to his core. One of the most authentic people I have ever met.
Billy seemed to be a man of paradox, but the more you got to know him, the more they seemed to fit together. One evening I had the honor of introducing him before he performed. After I gave what I felt was a glowing introduction, Billy stepped up to the microphone. His response is still very clear in my mind. He looked at me and this is what he said, “Young man, if bullsh*t were an instrument, you would be a brass band.” Which was his way of saying thank you. I would share the very first thing he ever said to me that referenced the two religions he was raised with, but that might not be fit to print here.
Before you think Billy was just another off-color musician, let me share another fact about him. He read, studied and passionately believed his bible. He knew more about the good book than many preachers I have spoke with. One evening, during a break at a show, he put his arm around me and said, “Neil, you just have to love people like Jesus did. Thank guy knew what he was talking about.” After a brief pause to let me appreciate what he just told me, he added, “Sometimes I think you do to.” That was Billy, never letting the moment be serious for too long. He pushed for Margie and I to be together and was one of our biggest fans once we did. It will be a shame he will not be at our weddings.
My personal favorite thing about Billy was his ability to, and pure joy in, telling a story. I feature a brief summary of his life in the back of my second book, Living the Dream, for which Margie had him over for dinner. I assumed this interview would last a few minutes. Anyone who knows Billy in the slightest, knows what a foolish thought this was. There was about 20 minutes of video captured on my YouTube channel. I will share the link at the end of this post. That was only a small fraction of what was hours long discussion of his life, his thoughts on the world and countless jokes. If there was one thing that was apparent, it was that Billy loved his life and those in it.
Even at the darkest times, Billy knew how to use that unfailing sense of humor. When I had the great honor of being asked to give the eulogy for our dear friend Mr. Whelan, I was determined to do the best I could. Nervous as I was, it was important to give the man, and his family, the respect they deserved. After I had finished reading what I had written, I was overcome with emotion. Sensing my struggle, Billy left his seat, came up to me, shook my hand and said, “That was great! Now start working on mine.” Well Billy, I hope this does you justice.
I want to share my final memory with Billy. He came to see Margie and I at one of our shows. During a break, we were sitting at the bar sharing a cocktail and he had a faraway look in his eyes. Still looking into the distance he said to me, “Neil, you know I have shared the stage, and life, with some of the really great ones.” After a second, I put my hand on his shoulder and told him, “Billy, you are one of the great ones.” He looked at me with wide eyes and a big smile and yelled out, “And don’t I know it!” That was Billy, never letting the moment be serious for too long. Feel free to checkout the YouTube Video of our interview below. May it help his memory live on.
Who doesn’t love giving a great gift? I know I do. Seeing the joy on the face of others when they open a gift you have carefully thought of and selected is a better feeling than any gift you could receive. At least that’s how I feel. I’m sure many of you would agree.
Wouldn’t it be great to be able to give a gift like that every time you see someone? To see someone’s face light up with joy everytime the two of you connect? There is such a gift. It does require careful thoughts and actions daily, but as you can see, the rewards are priceless.
The gift we are talking about us becoming the best version of yourself. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you think about it is not. Of course the ultimate beneficiary of self-improvement is… well..yourself. Still, think of how nice it is to spend time with someone who is at peace, filled with joy and has their life reasonably together.
This is not to say that you should fake being happy all of the time. We all have struggles and sometimes sharing them with a friend helps a great deal and makes our friend feel like the valuable person they are in our life. Showing up with peace in our hearts, an attitude of gratitude and excitement about the future can brighten anyone’s day.
The more you learn about improving your own life, the better you can be of service to those you care about. Learning to be a better listener? Think of who that benefits. How about developingthe ability to give genuine and uplifting compliments? You know that will certainly encourage your friends and family. One of the best things I have learned is to stay calm in the face of challenges. You not only inspire others, but can be in a better position to see solutions their panicking mind may not be able to.
This year, let us all work on becoming the best version of ourselves. Not only will we improve, but so will our relationships with those we care about. Just remember that self-improvement is a life-long journey. You can take a daily step right here at secret2anamazinglife.com!
This year it is important to set boundaries. It is important to set goals and resolutions to make clear what we are going after. It is just as important to set boundaries to let others know what we will not tolerate. This is not meant to be antagonist, but to teachothers how they should treat you.
Setting boundaries can be difficult at first. This is especially true for people you have let trample your boundaries in the past. In the long term it will actually reduce stress in your life. Quite a bit actually! It will also improve the quality of your relationshipswith others. When they respect you and your boundaries, you will enjoy spending more time with them. In addition, it sets the relationship up for growth that otherwise wouldn’t be possible.
Therefore, it would both serve you, and the relationship you share with this person, to make your boundaries clear and to stick by them. Remember, it may be uncomfortable in the short-term, but it will ultimately serve you long-term.
The next 3 days we are going to look at things to get ready before the New Year. Today’s post is about changing our perspective on happiness. Many people spend their lives chasing happiness. It really is a fool’s errand. For one, happiness is usually a reaction to outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is more of an emotional state. Put another way, happiness is a destination, and joy is a way of traveling. What we can do is focus on the setting up situations that create happiness for us. It would be even wiser to focus on what has us feeling joy in our hearts. Let us take a look at a few of these.
During these last 360+ days of posts you may have grown tired of me bringing up a certain topic, but here we go again. What of the greatest ways to not only feel happy, but create inner peace and joy as well, is to foster an attitude of gratitude. The reason gratitude gets so much attention is because it works. Being grateful turns what you have into enough. It helps us frame life in a more positive perspective. Realizing there are many things that are worth celebrating in life. It can conquer fear, anxiety and anger. It can help with depression. Finding a gratitude practice to start in your life would be one of the best things you can do for yourself in the New Year. You could start a gratitude journal. You could fill a photo album of things you are grateful for in your cell phone. That way gratitude is a push button away.
In addition to gratitude, another great way to increase joy in your life is to focus on how you can best serve others. When you increase the amount of joy and smiles in someone else’s life, you cannot help but feel better yourself. The best service usually involves something you are naturally good at or enjoy. If you are a good listener, find a way to help people really be heard. If you are a good baker, fill people’s hearts with joy by filling their stomachs with treats. Help an elderly neighbor with the grass or shoveling snow. Whatever you do, use it to help others and your world will end up a brighter place.
In the coming year, do not waste time chasing joy. Instead, focus on filling your heart and journey with genuine joy. Be grateful. Find ways to serve others. Remember, the more people you bring joy to, the more happy people you will be surrounded with and the more they will want to do the same for you. That way, you will not have to chase happiness, it will naturally come to you.
Here at secret2anamazinglife.com, we are honored and grateful to be followed in over 200 countries and by over 100,000 people. As you can imagine, this covers a wide array of faiths, cultures and beliefs. There is one thing that remains the same. That is our desire that everyone may enjoy this holiday season with their friends, family and those they love. May they be able to do so with health and peace and joy in their hearts. Another firm desire is that those of different beliefs may find the peace and love to honor each other and celebrate together.
In a world that is all to often filled with division and hate, let us use this holiday season to reach out and connect with one another in the spirit of humanity. Although our traditions may differ, we all enjoy time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate this common ground with one another. Share a fun tradition you do with another. Maybe share a dish that you make this holiday with another family or group of friends. Most importantly, greet one another with a spirit of togetherness. May your holiday celebrations be filled with joy and love.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
One of the greatest self-improvement tools are affirmations. They help us access the subconscious mind and improve our inner dialogue. This can be vital as according to research, 70-80% of our inner dialogue can fall into the category of negative criticism. Can you imagine being forced to hang out with someone who talks negatively about you 70-80% of the time? That is what most of us do between our own two ears. Changing your inner dialogue can be a tough task. That is why affirmations can be such a helpful tool. As helpful as they are, there are several issues with affirmations.
Some of the greatest challenges of affirmations are the conscious minds disagreement with the statements. If you are repeating “I am full of abundance.” and you are sitting in your broken down car, your brain will be tempted to say, “No you are not! Look at your car.” This is why is is helpful to change it to things like, “Abundance is all around me and flowing to me.” Something your brain can’t argue with. Another way to get around this is using ‘Askfirmations’ which we will address in more detail in a later post. Essentially, it is rephrasing your affirmation as a question. Such as, “Why am I getting more abundant?” “Why do opportunities keep showing up for me?” The reason this works is that if you give the mind a question, it is hard wired to find an answer to it. It is rather like putting your mind to work for you.
Affirmations work best when done consistently. One of the challenges to this is the crazy busy world we live in. How do we remember, and more importantly, dedicate time to doing affirmations? One way to tackle this is to set an alarm on our phone. We do this for a time we can reasonably count on. For 5 minutes we repeat our affirmations. We can do them 5 minutes before bed. Not only will we say them, but the mind will continue to work on them as we are sleeping. Our partner may wonder what we are mumbling on the pillow next to them, but we can just reassure them we are working on creating a better version of ourselves.
My favorite way to do affirmations is to work them into things we do everyday already. One opportunity that often goes under used is your reply to a common greeting. How often do people ask “How are you doing?” or some other form of the question? Average people are asked several times a day. If you are in an occupation where you work with the public, that amount goes up considerably. Therefore, the answer to that question is something you say daily. Why answer with a simple, “Good.” or “Fine.” when you could turn it into an opportunity for improving your inner dialogue? Can you imagine answering something like “I am great and getting better all of the time.” or “I’m getting healthier and happier every day.” If you get in the habit of making this your response, you will be automatically saying an affirmation several times a day.
You can see how your response to a simple greeting can improve your life. One word of serious caution is to avoid what people think are cute, sarcastic answers. They work in reverse of what we just talked about. I can’t count the times when after I tell someone I am living the dream they respond, “Are you sure it is not a nightmare?” I hear people say things such as they are barely surviving and trying to get by. Why you would be feeding your mind this kind of thought over and over is beyond me. It not only brings down your frequency, but does so to anyone else in earshot, including the person inquiring about your well-being. Use the opportunity to make your life a more positive and enjoyable place to be and to make that voice between your own two ears a more positive one!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 