If the world can be summed up in one word right now, that word might be division. It is no wonder as there are many people who would benefit by having us working against each other and not paying close attention to what they are doing. People working together and having meaningful dialogue can pretty much solve most problems without the interference of some form of leadership. So, to keep their positions of power, they do their best to convince us that we are all evil. That is simply not so. While it is true there are people whose intent and motives are of the more questionable nature, I think if you look hard enough you will find them in all groups.
The picture above demonstrates a very important point when it comes to the faith we follow. There are many examples where I am hearing people belittle other faiths. These comments come not only from the congregation, but from behind the pulpit as well. As you can see by glancing the picture above, we all have some pretty basic things in common. One day I may very well write and entire book on the subject. Sure, some of the finer points we disagree on, but that should not stop us from pursuing peace and compassion in a world so bereft of it.
How many more problems could we solve if we focused more on what we had in common and were more accepting of what makes us different? People are good and people are not so good. Being a member of a certain group, faith or ethnicity does not make that so. It is what is in their heart, the words they speak and the actions they take.
Love the last line of this quote, “and it’s not only about trains.” Raise your hand if you have found yourself on the ‘wrong train’ in life? If you do not have your hand up, you have been extremely lucky or are not being completely honest with yourself. We have all been there and there is no harm in getting on a wrong train. That could be a job, a relationship or any other area of life. Sometimes it takes a while to realize where the train is headed. Sometimes we change our destination and need to adjust what train we are on. Life can be like that sometimes.
What is meant by the longer you stay on the train the more expensive the return trip will be is that the more we persist in the wrong actions, the more difficult, and often more expensive, turning things around will be. How many of us have heard people stay in jobs or relationships they know are wrong because they have been there a long time. It is equivalent to staying on a train that is heading to the wrong destination. Here is another fact to keep in mind. Even when we do get on the right train, we do not get to our destination right away. We may often have to travel back through some of the same ground that we have already passed. Take relationships for example. You may finally find the right partner, but experience some of the same problems from the partner you left. This can be for 2 very good reasons. First, you might be part of the problem. Second, to this relationship, the problem is brand new. You may have fought about it with your ex countless times, but hey, this is a new train. If you are practicing the tools and strategies on this site and in my books, you will be better equipped to handle it in a more productive fashion than you have in the past.
While you are traveling on your right train, be sure to enjoy the scenery. Often, we are so focused on the destination we miss enjoying the trip. Plus, the scenery can tell us that we are on the wrong train, or at the very least, our train might be on the wrong track. Perhaps you do have the right partner, but your relationship may need a little guidance. Focusing on a shared destination and what is important to see on the journey.
Speaking of the journey, it can often be misleading. On the way to a tropical destination, you might have to go through the mountains and see some snow. Keep the destination in mind and adjust your travels. If you are looking to get to the tropics and the weather outside the train seems snowy for far too long, maybe it is a sign to ask yourself, “Is this train headed in the direction I want to go?” If it is not, maybe you need to switch trains, or switch tracks.
Same with careers. Is your job using you or are you using your job? My day job used to feel very incorrect for me, but I have learned to ‘switch tracks’ and put it to use for me. I practice the tools and strategies I learn on my coworkers, helping them level up and live the best life they can. Can you find ways to put what may seem like the wrong train on the right track?
By now everyone should know that I am a big fan of Mr. Rogers. This quote is a great example why. If you were to stop and think about it, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships. Think of how much your life is turned upside down when there is a level of discord with someone you care about. On the opposite side, when your relationships are going strong, life is all but unstoppable. Think of when you first fall in love. Nothing seems to bother you or is able to bring you down. There is more on how to maintain that feeling in my upcoming book.
This post is about the blessing that Margie and I have about discovering and maintaining some amazing relationships. This post is actually about one of those relationships in particular. During our time as DJs, we meet a wide array of people. Being the setting that takes place in, most of those relationships do not go much beyond that interaction. Lately, there are, as we are fortunate to have, relationships that blossom into more. People that life puts in your path at the right time and for the right reasons. This is about two of those people – Tanya and Montell.
My only recollection of the first time they came to one of our shows was Margie asking them, “Can we keep you?” Not only are they both very talented singers, but we could just tell they were amazing people as well. Little did we know how right you are. Let us start with Tanya, as it is always gentlemanly to let the lady go first. Tanya has a voice that just won’t quit. It is powerful but full of soul and emotion. Everyone gets excited when she walks in because they know that they are in for a great performance. Being a phenomenal singer is one thing, but in my estimation, that is not the best thing about Tanya.
They were kind enough to invite us over to their house to celebrate Labor Day with them last year. Tanya was the perfect hostess. Their family and friends they had over were all so kind and welcoming. One of the things that we enjoy most about Tanya is the way she can share a story. She uses the perfect blend of honesty and emotion. Her sense of humor and laughter is contagious. In a world where people can show you the side of themselves they think you want to see, Tanya is brave enough to show you her true self. That is so refreshing. She also encourages everyone around her. With her talent it could be tempting to look down on those who may struggle to carry a tune in a bucket. Not Tanya. She encourages them, sings with them and makes them feel welcome, like they belong.
Reading the words above, you might find yourself saying, “That Tanya sure sounds like an amazing woman.” You would be right. It might even be intimidating to be with such an amazing lady, if you were not equally as amazing. That leads us to Tanya’s husband, and I am honored to say our friend, Montell. Let us begin by discussing his ability in the vocal arena. Montell can sing just about any genre. Not only can he do it, but he does it extremely well. More than just vocals, he gets everyone involved. If you are not having a good time while he is singing, he will encourage you until you do. Trust me when I tell you with his enthusiasm and energy, it is very difficult to not be in an amazing mood. Much like his wife, people get excited when they see Montell walk in because they know he is going to lift their spirits.
If I had to pick one word to describe Montell, it would be generous. For simple starters, every time I see this young man, he offers me a beer. We happen to drink the same beer. The fact that he remembered that and brings me over one is very kind indeed. That is not the sole reason that I choose that word for this gentleman. I mentioned earlier how they were kind enough to invite Margie and I over. His generosity with sharing his talent when it comes to preparing amazing food still has my mouth watering when I think of it. On the microphone and in the kitchen are not the only two places this man is both talented and generous. Montell is also one of the kindest and most compassionate men that I have met in a very long time. You can see the care he exhibits toward everyone he meets. What’s more, is that when you talk to Montell you can just tell you are really being heard. In a world where everyone is trying to be heard, having someone who can truly listen is a gift beyond words. He is a kind soul, an example of what a good man should be. It would be a crime not to mention he is one of the most fashionable gents I know as well!
Margie and I are so blessed to know this loving and fabulous couple. They are great singers and performers, that is true. What is more important to us is they are also great parents to their children, great lovers to each other, great friends to all they meet, but most importantly, they are great people that the world needs more of. Today also is Montell’s birthday so Margie and I would like to send a special message of good wishes and good health on his special day. I share this story with you to both show you there still are amazing people in the world and to remind you to count your blessings of true friends. It is a gift not everyone experiences. Margie and I certainly count ourselves blessed that we know Tanya and Montell.
Let me share a little bit with you. I am currently reading a book on persuasion. It is really eye-opening. How advertisers, politicians and others use persuasion to influence our decisions. We have all experienced this. We are looking up camping spots for our friend when we suddenly start receiving ads for camping gear, woods themed bedding and even a stuffed bear that talks. Yes, advertisers will use social media to put ads for things we have expressed interest in. Even if that interest was to help our friend get a spot to put up their tent.
Here is the tricky bit, most influence is not that obvious. Cereal makers place sugar filled, unhealthy and addictive cereals at eye level…for children. The boxes are full of bright colors. Ones that have been studied to foster a sense of hunger. They also have bright cartoon characters. They may even feature phrases like, “part of a healthy breakfast.” What they fail to mention is that it is a very small part, like the treat you would give yourself for eating something actually healthy. Most of us fall victim to these methods of influence. Here is the scary part. When we grab that box off the shelf, we think that we are the one choosing what cereal we are buying. As you can see, there are lots of influences we may be unaware of.
Political ads. Here is another source of influence that people do not realize. Firms are hired to pick pictures, pieces of quotes, what words have the greatest emotional impact down to even what colors reflect what emotion. Then they are mailed out to you and I. They come on our phone, our laptop, our television, our radio and even that meditation video you are using to relax on YouTube. Before long you find yourself parroting some ridiculous story about the opposition riding with the headless horseman stealing babies. Things that if you really stopped and thought about really do sound insane. Here is the truth – divided people are easier to rule. You might want to read that again.
This post is not about political ads, however asinine they may be. Trust me, there is always an election going on somewhere. It is about that fact that a good portion of our lives is manipulated by others. Even beliefs we grew up with. We might have been raised to think a certain group of people are bad. Armed with this knowledge, we never associate with such people. After all, why would you want to associate with a group of people who are bad. By never actually getting to know them, we just continue to foster the belief that was thrust upon us before we were old enough to think for ourselves.
Starting today, I beg of you to begin to reclaim your life from the advertisers, the politicians and even the outdated beliefs. Have an honest conversation with yourself as to why you believe what you do, why you act and speak as you do and where that information comes from. Before you go to the store, know what you are looking for and what is important to you. Read labels. If you still want to buy a Pop Tart, go ahead, but do so because that is what you really want to do, not because it is in front of you in the snack aisle.
Life is over quicker than we think. It is up to all of us to make sure we are living a life of our own choosing. Do not hate your neighbor because someone else told you that you should. Get to know your neighbor. We all have our faults, but we all have our skills and redeeming qualities as well. Live your life on your terms!
Such an important message. Mental health is something we all must talk about. It does not matter your political affiliation, your faith, your race or any other nonsense we let divide us. We all can suffer from different aspects of mental health. In reading the Blue Zone books, which are a study on the longest living people in the world and what they have in common, one of the main things was a circle of close friends. Being alone has more health issues associated to it than even smoking. According to their studies. The reason I bring this up is a way I feel we can all help. That is reaching out to those who seem to be lacking a strong social circle.
One of the greatest things you can do to be a great help to mental health is to be a good friend. In fact, that can be one of the best things you can to to help the world in general. Having a good friend to listen to you is one of the greatest blessings. The other side of the coin is that being that friend is also one of the greatest blessings. You want to be rare and significant these days? All you have to do is learn to listen. In a world where everyone is screaming to be heard, being a source that someone can vent to is priceless. Having good friends and being a good friend is some of the most important things we can do to help each other with our mental health.
How true is this statement? If our mental health is not in order, we are far less likely to take care of ourselves physically, financially or any other way. Here are a few other ways in which you can take care of your mental health and help others do the same. This is far from a complete list, so if you would love to share more ideas in the comments below I know all of us would be forever grateful! The more we work together on mental health, the better we will all be.
One of the best ways to help both gain clarity on our thoughts, recognize patterns, and reduce mental clutter and stress can be using a simple journal. Putting our thoughts on paper will help us clear a little space in our heads. It also forces us to sort them out and get a little more clarity on what exactly we are thinking. Even if it doesn’t make sense when we first write it. By reviewing our entries, we can begin to see patterns of thought and action we engage in. It can be self-sabotage, self-doubt, a lack of confidence, or many other defeating trains of thought. It does not have to be all doom and gloom! There is a lot to be learned from both sides of the coin. We can learn the thoughts we have that lead to good days. What we do and think after a victory in life. How we can live in a good emotional state.
That leads us to our next idea – a gratitude journal. None of us experience reality. We actually experience the reality we focus on. What is wrong is always available. So it what is right. Which do we tend to focus on more? By training ourselves (it feels like forcing ourselves at first) to record 3 things we are grateful for and why a day can radically transform our mental health. Done for a length of time, it also subconsciously programs our mind to look for what we have to be grateful in life knowing that we will have to write it down that evening.
I apologize for the length of today’s post and thank you for sticking with me. Mental health is just such an important topic here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. In a world that seems more dividing than ever, there are more opportunities than ever to help each other, and ourselves, in the mental health arena. This can often be more difficult for men as society has frowned upon men not only expressing their mental health but seeking help for it. Luckily that is changing. If we want to improve our mental health, one of the best things we can do is bring joy to others. It is my life mission to leave my world a little better than when I arrived. It is a goal that I can only measure by the day. Each day I strive to add joy and positivity to the lives of all of those I come in contact with. This has given me a life that has my heart bursting with joy and gratitude on most days. On the days my own mental health needs a little help, those relationships become reciprocal.
This month, take time to focus on mental health. If you are really struggling, please reach out to a friend or even a professional for health. You will not only be doing yourself a favor, but allowing them to live a life of service and purpose. That is a big gift. If you want to reach out to us here at Secret2anamazinglife.com with any mental health issue you would like us to take a deeper look at, please do so in the comments below. All of our readers, and their mental health are very important to us.
It would be safe to say that the world feels pretty divided right now. There are lots of folks fighting for their beliefs. Sadly, there are many fighting against each other. This may come as a surprise to many, but you cannot bully, yell or argue your way into convincing someone your way is the best way. What you can do is become the best living example of why your way of life is admirable. Would you take financial advice from someone who is broke? How about workout advice from someone who is hopelessly out of shape? Probably not.
See this happy couple? People ask us our secret all of the time. I would like to see more couples respect each other and constantly work on improving their relationship. What do we do? We are that couple. Do we always get it right? Of course not. Then we hopefully work on being an example of the kind of people we would like to see handling a disagreement with their spouse correctly. It is not only intimate relationships either. How you engage with anyone says a lot about you. Do you wish people would respect your beliefs? Then ask yourself if you are someone who respects other’s beliefs? Do you wish we would treat other with kindness? Ask yourself how you treat people who cannot do anything for you. Do you still treat them with kindness and respect?
My favorite bit of advice has always been “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I do my best to live up to that every day. How about you? Are you the personification of the changes you wish to see in the world? If not, wouldn’t it be a good time to shine by example?
This week, create your own luck. “Sounds great Neil, but how do I do that?” you might be wondering. In a word – prepare! It amazes me when people tell me how lucky I am. “You are lucky to have so many people follow your blog.” They say. What they do not see is the time and effort put in on top of working 56 hours a week at my day job and working as a DJ on the weekends. “You are so lucky you do not get sick more often.” Those who say this do not talk about eating healthy, working out or making sure to take my vitamins. My favorite is when people tell me how lucky Margie and I are that we have a great relationship. Am I fortunate and blessed to have such a beautiful and loving lady in my life? Absolutely! Do all of our days and plans go smoothly? Not hardly. We both get sick, tired and on each other’s last nerve on occasion. We have breakdowns in our communication. We also work our butts off to address these things. There are always threats looking for that chink in the armor of love. It could be jealous people. It could be people who are spiteful. Even when we do figure things out, there is the threat of taking things for granted or falling victim to familiarity. That is why we are constantly working to keep things fun, fresh and spicy.
Do you want to create more luck in your life? All you have to do is work harder. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ enough to write and publish 3 books? It will cost you many sleepless nights, lots of frustration and plenty of hard work. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ not to get the sickness that seems to be going around the office? You will have to work on staying in shape, watching your diet and perhaps taking a little extra vitamin C. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ in love? Let me tell you up front, you will have to work at it. Learn the art of active listening. Learn to apologize when you are wrong. Learn how to express your emotions properly and with thought for the other person’s feelings. Even before you get into a relationship, you can increase your chances of being ‘lucky’ when you find the one if you spend time working on yourself. The better version of yourself you bring to a relationship, the greater the chances are it will be ‘lucky’.
The formula may seem obvious, but it cannot be overstated. Like Thomas Jefferson said, the harder you work, the more luck you will have. What is important in your life? What area do you feel you would like to experience more ‘luck’ in? Whatever that area is, start to increase the amount of effort you put into it. You will find the amount of luck that seems to find you will only increase.
How many of us see obstacles in our life and right away have the urge to fight them? If there is a chance to adapt and work around them it would save us a great deal of energy that could be spent focused on success. What a waste of time and energy it is to argue. Even if you manage to ‘win’ the argument, chances are you will have ‘lost’ the relationship. If the person agrees to go along with your ideas, it is never with an excited passion. It is better to state the solution you are aiming towards, and try to come up with a joint solution.
Next time you encounter resistance while working towards a goal, remember to stay focused on the solution and not the problem. Go around the rocks if you can.
In some of the most divisive areas of life, this is the rule of law. Think politics, religion and social norms. More focus needs to be put on the nine. That is the solution. In math it is to see that there are multiple solutions to the same problem. In life, our beliefs can cloud us from understanding that other courses of actions have their merit as well.
Take the current political landscape. No matter what side you fall on, there is a rather “Us against them” mentality. Even if the goals are the same, which they often are, there is still extreme resistance to any opinion other than the one we hold. There are no solution oriented discussions. Think public safety. Everyone would like the world to be a safer place. Instead of focusing on solutions, they just spend energy and effort arguing that their method is not only the best, but the only way in which to accomplish this. By making the other side look like a villain, it prevents any merging of ideas, which could offer the best solution.
Religion is another area in which it is ‘my way or the highway’. Considering most of the faiths preach love, compassion and acceptance, it always seems ironic that most are filled with judgement, anger and exclusion. Faith is supposed to be our rock in difficult times, our way to inner peace and our guide in how to treat each other. Let us focus on that instead of the differences in how we go about that. We can all pray, if we do it differently who cares? We all preach love, let us all demonstrate it as well.
These are but two examples in a world full of possible situations. Think of the math equation that started this post next time you are ready to judge someone else. Just because they are different than you does not mean they are incorrect.
Many people find themselves in a state of unhappiness. There is a way to turn that around. That is to begin to work on becoming the best version of yourself. It begins with an honest evaluation of where you are now. This can be a bit deflating, but in order to know where you want to go, it is necessary to know where you are. Think of looking at a map. If you were to look at your destination, but have no idea where you are, how would you know in which direction you should go. It is the same with the journey of your life.
I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Progress equals happiness.” Earl Nightingale’s definition of success is, “A progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Both of these bring up a good point. It is not the accomplishment of goals, or reaching a certain point that brings us the greatest deal of happiness. Although those certainly should be celebrated. If you notice in both quotes, the word ‘progress’ is featured. Think of trying to get in shape. It certainly is a great feeling to look in the mirror and find yourself at the level of fitness you desire. Do you know what is an even more exciting feeling? When you realize you have to by a size smaller in clothing because the size you have been wearing for the last couple of years is now too large. You know you are on your way!
One of the greatest thieves of joy is comparison. It can even upend progress. Have you ever had this experience? You are feeling good about the progress you have made towards some goal. Smile on your face, joy in your heart. Then you run into a friend who has made greater progress towards the same goal, maybe even in a shorter amount of time. Suddenly, your happiness is crushed. You go from feeling like a conqueror to a failure. It is worse if you are just about to start your journey of self-improvement. You pop on social media and see pictures of people who you went to school with that have not only already accomplished the goals you are striving for, but have surpassed them.
The phrase that comes to mind in all of these examples is “Who cares!” That is them. We never know anyone’s complete story. Maybe they post pictures of their career success but fail to mention the happy home life it cost them. Maybe they appear to be madly in love, but are fighting addiction. Another important point is that each journey is unique to the individual. I am more impressed with someone who has managed to reach a state of inner peace after fighting the demons of depression than someone who has reached inner peace after inheriting a fortune from their family. That is why it is so important to be focused on improving ourselves and the challenges we have overcome.
Here is a bonus way of making this more fun and enjoyable. Look for the small accomplishments of your friends, family and even your coworkers. Celebrate them as if they were your own. You never know what it took for them to overcome that. The more you help others celebrate their wins, the more joy and peace will come to your heart. Not to mention, the more likely they are to celebrate your wins as well. Remember, there is enough room for all of us to win!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 