This is an interesting thought. I’ve been clinically dead for a bit, but not sure how much my brain lived on before, during our after for that matter. If it is true, and I’m not sure how they came by this information, it brings up several important questions.
The most important one is rather obvious. What is your 7 minutes? Were they when you are younger? Have they come recently? Are they, as this quote implies, tied to a certain person? Have they Perhapscome at a certain location? Maybe your best 7 minutes was engaged in a certain activity?
I think if we view our life in 7 minute blocks, it can help us stay in the present. After all, 7 minutes is not a very long time. I can tell you there have been several 7 minutes in my life that I can recall. The first 7 minutes I spent in Jamaica with Margie. Knowing I had helped make one of her life dreams come true. Even the first time she was able to see a palm tree in Las Vegas. Recently walking hand in hand in the Bahamas shopping and making new friends was amazing. I recall a morning sipping my favorite iced coffee with my mother at the State Fair listening to a band play tropical music. That was an awesome 7 minutes! Speaking of the State Fair, last year I proposed to Margie there. That was a crazy and memorable 7 minutes.
As you can see, there are several people and locations involved in my 7 minutes. I also think of my uncle and I at the Iola car show, my grandfather and I at this rummage event. My grandmother and I playing cards for an entire afternoon. So many good memories! Each one of them is an amazing 7 minutes. How my brain will pick out 7 from all that will be a neat trick. Then again, I am not in a hurry to find out. Instead, I am going to focus on what I will suggest you focus on – creating more amazing 7 minutes!
It is Friday! The day so many of us wait for. In some ways, seeing this makes me glad that I work 7 days a week. That may sound crazy to many of you but let me explain. When it comes to planning dates with my beautiful lady, or maybe just treating myself to a bit of self-care like a good cup of coffee and a book, I do not wait for the weekend, as I will be working. I carve little bits of time whenever and wherever I can find them. Quite often we go on a date on a Thursday evening. Maybe I will take Tuesday after work to stop by the local coffee shop and get lost in the current novel I am reading.
The point of all of this is that I do not wait for the weekend, 5 o’clock or any other designated time. Do not misunderstand me, when I go on vacation, I am on vacation. It is more important to find joy in the life you are living rather than working to escape it. When you wait for the weekend, you are essentially resigning yourself to the fact that 5 out of 7 days will be a burden and lacking joy. Can you imagine giving anyone else that advice?
How do we create a life that we do not need a vacation from? By doing the things we preach on this site. Practice gratitude. Be present. Understand that we do not get more life. Time is truly our most precious commodity. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. One day will be your last. Before that day, you will witness the last days of many of the people you love and care about. This is not to sound depressing, but to impress upon you the urgency of changing your perspective of life now. Coming home to Margie is a blessing I am grateful for everyday. One day, it will be the last time we come home to each other. Saturday I am having coffee with my good friend Nick. By listening to him, feeling and expressing the gratitude for the friendship we share will help me be present and fully appreciate the moment. I never know how many more coffees we will share.
How about you? Are you putting off your joy until you reach the destination or are you working on ways to enjoy the journey?
I heard this strategy called “Strive Satisfied”. There are some really good things I liked about the premise behind it, but I think we could tweak it to have it work even better. The idea behind this strategy is to be satisfied with your life as it is, but striving to make it better. Again, I like the sound of that initially. The more I thought about it, the more of an issue that I had with the word ‘satisfied’. We all know there is great power to be had in the words we use. Subconsciously, the word ‘satisfied’ does not move one to action. It does quite the opposite. Satisfied, at least in my brain, is where you are contented to stop acting.
I would prefer to say “Strive Gratefully”. Being grateful for what you have as you are striving for ways to improve it makes a lot more sense to me. Grateful does not mean you are satisfied. When it comes to showing the woman I love how much she means to me and what an amazing person she is, I will never be satisfied. She continues to amaze me with her beauty in both appearance and action. If I was ‘satisfied’ with the way that I loved her, I am not sure the new version of her would receive the appreciation it so richly deserves.
Never being satisfied does not mean you will feel miserable. That is why I suggest to strive gratefully. I am beyond grateful for the love I share with my lady. The way we are improving our communication. The ways we can discover new things we enjoy, or might enjoy together. All I have to do is look at a picture of her and I feel grateful. One thing I never feel is satisfied. All I have to do is think back 2, 3, or 5 years ago. I was grateful for the love we shared then. It was wonderful. If I would have been satisfied, however, there would be so much growth and love I would have missed out on.
This not only holds true in romantic relationships. It is your health, your friendships, your sense of adventure and your career. Keep a grateful heart and always strive to get better. Between the two of those, your life will be guaranteed to improve in ways you cannot even imagine at this point.
Have you ever heard of Johnny Appleseed? This may surprise many of you, but he was a real person. His name was John Chapman. He was an American nurseryman. Meaning he looked after young plants, not young humans. He was famous for introducing large parts of North America to trees grown from apple seeds. He was a very successful business man who ended up owning over 1200 acres of land by the time of his death. He shared his knowledge and seeds with many different people. He would plant a nursery, move on and come back a few years later to check on it. Cute story, but what does that have to do with living an amazing life?
We can be our own Johnny (Or Janie) Appleseed. What we can do is spread seeds of inspiration, hope and empowerment. I use the example of Johnny Appleseed, and planting seeds in general for 2 very important reasons. First, we must keep in mind no matter how pure our intentions, we should not try to change other people. Planting a seed is just that. You give them the opportunity to let it grow within themselves. What they do with it is their responsibility. They can water or fertilize it, or they can let it die. All of that is up to them. We must keep this perspective to help us from becoming disillusioned when our efforts to help someone improve their life do not seem to be working. We are planting a seed. Different seeds grow at different rates. It has a lot to do with both the seed itself, as well as the environment. The same can be said with the seed of self-improvement, encouragement or whatever else you are planting.
That leads us to our second reason for using this metaphor. You may want to stop by after some time and see how the seed you planted is coming along. If it does not seem to be blossoming, there may be several reasons. It may be growing slowly. It could use some extra help, or just some extra time. Maybe it did not take root at all? You may need to plant some more seeds or find more fertile ground. Just remember, the more seeds you plant, the more likely they are to grow. Spread the seeds of love, kindness and compassion wherever you go. You could even wear a pot on your head like Johnny Appleseed if you think it would help.
Salvador Dali, crazy talented artist. Check out that mustache! Here ol’ Sal makes a pretty good point. Many people think that improving yourself is just about learning more. It is actually a balance of learning more and putting that knowledge to use. We can learn all we want, but if we fail to act on it, well…we might as well not have learned it at all. I would not only say act, but act boldly. Many times we need to act to learn vital pieces of information. As the saying goes, you do not know what you do not know. Meaning, often when acting on knowledge you think is complete, you realize that a vital piece of that knowledge is missing.
One of the most “interesting” areas that this comes into play is in relationships. Whenever you are dealing with two human beings there will be unexpected events that crop up. This is not only to be expected, but can be one of the greatest opportunities for growth. When I learn something that is supposed to improve a relationship, I can’t wait to use it with the love of my life. It is often with Margie’s help that I learn a tweak that will add greatly to the tool or strategy that I just learned. When two people work together they multiply their efforts.
Acting on the knowledge you have gained will only add to that knowledge. The more you do anything the better you get at it. That is because you learn things along the way. Just as acting without knowledge (think of driving a car without knowing how) can be dangerous. It does little for us to learn something without putting it to use. I see many people who spend years researching the best way to lose weight. They would have been better to just start walking and learning along the way. Act with the knowledge you have now and build upon that knowledge as you move through life.
Lastly, make that action bold. If you are going to love, love boldly. If you are going to give, give boldly. The more intense the action, the greater the knowledge and results. Even if you discover that action is not right for you, this will be learned quicker if the action is bolder. Learning isn’t worth much if we do not couple that knowledge with action.
If the world can be summed up in one word right now, that word might be division. It is no wonder as there are many people who would benefit by having us working against each other and not paying close attention to what they are doing. People working together and having meaningful dialogue can pretty much solve most problems without the interference of some form of leadership. So, to keep their positions of power, they do their best to convince us that we are all evil. That is simply not so. While it is true there are people whose intent and motives are of the more questionable nature, I think if you look hard enough you will find them in all groups.
The picture above demonstrates a very important point when it comes to the faith we follow. There are many examples where I am hearing people belittle other faiths. These comments come not only from the congregation, but from behind the pulpit as well. As you can see by glancing the picture above, we all have some pretty basic things in common. One day I may very well write and entire book on the subject. Sure, some of the finer points we disagree on, but that should not stop us from pursuing peace and compassion in a world so bereft of it.
How many more problems could we solve if we focused more on what we had in common and were more accepting of what makes us different? People are good and people are not so good. Being a member of a certain group, faith or ethnicity does not make that so. It is what is in their heart, the words they speak and the actions they take.
Love the last line of this quote, “and it’s not only about trains.” Raise your hand if you have found yourself on the ‘wrong train’ in life? If you do not have your hand up, you have been extremely lucky or are not being completely honest with yourself. We have all been there and there is no harm in getting on a wrong train. That could be a job, a relationship or any other area of life. Sometimes it takes a while to realize where the train is headed. Sometimes we change our destination and need to adjust what train we are on. Life can be like that sometimes.
What is meant by the longer you stay on the train the more expensive the return trip will be is that the more we persist in the wrong actions, the more difficult, and often more expensive, turning things around will be. How many of us have heard people stay in jobs or relationships they know are wrong because they have been there a long time. It is equivalent to staying on a train that is heading to the wrong destination. Here is another fact to keep in mind. Even when we do get on the right train, we do not get to our destination right away. We may often have to travel back through some of the same ground that we have already passed. Take relationships for example. You may finally find the right partner, but experience some of the same problems from the partner you left. This can be for 2 very good reasons. First, you might be part of the problem. Second, to this relationship, the problem is brand new. You may have fought about it with your ex countless times, but hey, this is a new train. If you are practicing the tools and strategies on this site and in my books, you will be better equipped to handle it in a more productive fashion than you have in the past.
While you are traveling on your right train, be sure to enjoy the scenery. Often, we are so focused on the destination we miss enjoying the trip. Plus, the scenery can tell us that we are on the wrong train, or at the very least, our train might be on the wrong track. Perhaps you do have the right partner, but your relationship may need a little guidance. Focusing on a shared destination and what is important to see on the journey.
Speaking of the journey, it can often be misleading. On the way to a tropical destination, you might have to go through the mountains and see some snow. Keep the destination in mind and adjust your travels. If you are looking to get to the tropics and the weather outside the train seems snowy for far too long, maybe it is a sign to ask yourself, “Is this train headed in the direction I want to go?” If it is not, maybe you need to switch trains, or switch tracks.
Same with careers. Is your job using you or are you using your job? My day job used to feel very incorrect for me, but I have learned to ‘switch tracks’ and put it to use for me. I practice the tools and strategies I learn on my coworkers, helping them level up and live the best life they can. Can you find ways to put what may seem like the wrong train on the right track?
By now everyone should know that I am a big fan of Mr. Rogers. This quote is a great example why. If you were to stop and think about it, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships. Think of how much your life is turned upside down when there is a level of discord with someone you care about. On the opposite side, when your relationships are going strong, life is all but unstoppable. Think of when you first fall in love. Nothing seems to bother you or is able to bring you down. There is more on how to maintain that feeling in my upcoming book.
This post is about the blessing that Margie and I have about discovering and maintaining some amazing relationships. This post is actually about one of those relationships in particular. During our time as DJs, we meet a wide array of people. Being the setting that takes place in, most of those relationships do not go much beyond that interaction. Lately, there are, as we are fortunate to have, relationships that blossom into more. People that life puts in your path at the right time and for the right reasons. This is about two of those people – Tanya and Montell.
My only recollection of the first time they came to one of our shows was Margie asking them, “Can we keep you?” Not only are they both very talented singers, but we could just tell they were amazing people as well. Little did we know how right you are. Let us start with Tanya, as it is always gentlemanly to let the lady go first. Tanya has a voice that just won’t quit. It is powerful but full of soul and emotion. Everyone gets excited when she walks in because they know that they are in for a great performance. Being a phenomenal singer is one thing, but in my estimation, that is not the best thing about Tanya.
They were kind enough to invite us over to their house to celebrate Labor Day with them last year. Tanya was the perfect hostess. Their family and friends they had over were all so kind and welcoming. One of the things that we enjoy most about Tanya is the way she can share a story. She uses the perfect blend of honesty and emotion. Her sense of humor and laughter is contagious. In a world where people can show you the side of themselves they think you want to see, Tanya is brave enough to show you her true self. That is so refreshing. She also encourages everyone around her. With her talent it could be tempting to look down on those who may struggle to carry a tune in a bucket. Not Tanya. She encourages them, sings with them and makes them feel welcome, like they belong.
Reading the words above, you might find yourself saying, “That Tanya sure sounds like an amazing woman.” You would be right. It might even be intimidating to be with such an amazing lady, if you were not equally as amazing. That leads us to Tanya’s husband, and I am honored to say our friend, Montell. Let us begin by discussing his ability in the vocal arena. Montell can sing just about any genre. Not only can he do it, but he does it extremely well. More than just vocals, he gets everyone involved. If you are not having a good time while he is singing, he will encourage you until you do. Trust me when I tell you with his enthusiasm and energy, it is very difficult to not be in an amazing mood. Much like his wife, people get excited when they see Montell walk in because they know he is going to lift their spirits.
If I had to pick one word to describe Montell, it would be generous. For simple starters, every time I see this young man, he offers me a beer. We happen to drink the same beer. The fact that he remembered that and brings me over one is very kind indeed. That is not the sole reason that I choose that word for this gentleman. I mentioned earlier how they were kind enough to invite Margie and I over. His generosity with sharing his talent when it comes to preparing amazing food still has my mouth watering when I think of it. On the microphone and in the kitchen are not the only two places this man is both talented and generous. Montell is also one of the kindest and most compassionate men that I have met in a very long time. You can see the care he exhibits toward everyone he meets. What’s more, is that when you talk to Montell you can just tell you are really being heard. In a world where everyone is trying to be heard, having someone who can truly listen is a gift beyond words. He is a kind soul, an example of what a good man should be. It would be a crime not to mention he is one of the most fashionable gents I know as well!
Margie and I are so blessed to know this loving and fabulous couple. They are great singers and performers, that is true. What is more important to us is they are also great parents to their children, great lovers to each other, great friends to all they meet, but most importantly, they are great people that the world needs more of. Today also is Montell’s birthday so Margie and I would like to send a special message of good wishes and good health on his special day. I share this story with you to both show you there still are amazing people in the world and to remind you to count your blessings of true friends. It is a gift not everyone experiences. Margie and I certainly count ourselves blessed that we know Tanya and Montell.
Let me share a little bit with you. I am currently reading a book on persuasion. It is really eye-opening. How advertisers, politicians and others use persuasion to influence our decisions. We have all experienced this. We are looking up camping spots for our friend when we suddenly start receiving ads for camping gear, woods themed bedding and even a stuffed bear that talks. Yes, advertisers will use social media to put ads for things we have expressed interest in. Even if that interest was to help our friend get a spot to put up their tent.
Here is the tricky bit, most influence is not that obvious. Cereal makers place sugar filled, unhealthy and addictive cereals at eye level…for children. The boxes are full of bright colors. Ones that have been studied to foster a sense of hunger. They also have bright cartoon characters. They may even feature phrases like, “part of a healthy breakfast.” What they fail to mention is that it is a very small part, like the treat you would give yourself for eating something actually healthy. Most of us fall victim to these methods of influence. Here is the scary part. When we grab that box off the shelf, we think that we are the one choosing what cereal we are buying. As you can see, there are lots of influences we may be unaware of.
Political ads. Here is another source of influence that people do not realize. Firms are hired to pick pictures, pieces of quotes, what words have the greatest emotional impact down to even what colors reflect what emotion. Then they are mailed out to you and I. They come on our phone, our laptop, our television, our radio and even that meditation video you are using to relax on YouTube. Before long you find yourself parroting some ridiculous story about the opposition riding with the headless horseman stealing babies. Things that if you really stopped and thought about really do sound insane. Here is the truth – divided people are easier to rule. You might want to read that again.
This post is not about political ads, however asinine they may be. Trust me, there is always an election going on somewhere. It is about that fact that a good portion of our lives is manipulated by others. Even beliefs we grew up with. We might have been raised to think a certain group of people are bad. Armed with this knowledge, we never associate with such people. After all, why would you want to associate with a group of people who are bad. By never actually getting to know them, we just continue to foster the belief that was thrust upon us before we were old enough to think for ourselves.
Starting today, I beg of you to begin to reclaim your life from the advertisers, the politicians and even the outdated beliefs. Have an honest conversation with yourself as to why you believe what you do, why you act and speak as you do and where that information comes from. Before you go to the store, know what you are looking for and what is important to you. Read labels. If you still want to buy a Pop Tart, go ahead, but do so because that is what you really want to do, not because it is in front of you in the snack aisle.
Life is over quicker than we think. It is up to all of us to make sure we are living a life of our own choosing. Do not hate your neighbor because someone else told you that you should. Get to know your neighbor. We all have our faults, but we all have our skills and redeeming qualities as well. Live your life on your terms!
Such an important message. Mental health is something we all must talk about. It does not matter your political affiliation, your faith, your race or any other nonsense we let divide us. We all can suffer from different aspects of mental health. In reading the Blue Zone books, which are a study on the longest living people in the world and what they have in common, one of the main things was a circle of close friends. Being alone has more health issues associated to it than even smoking. According to their studies. The reason I bring this up is a way I feel we can all help. That is reaching out to those who seem to be lacking a strong social circle.
One of the greatest things you can do to be a great help to mental health is to be a good friend. In fact, that can be one of the best things you can to to help the world in general. Having a good friend to listen to you is one of the greatest blessings. The other side of the coin is that being that friend is also one of the greatest blessings. You want to be rare and significant these days? All you have to do is learn to listen. In a world where everyone is screaming to be heard, being a source that someone can vent to is priceless. Having good friends and being a good friend is some of the most important things we can do to help each other with our mental health.
How true is this statement? If our mental health is not in order, we are far less likely to take care of ourselves physically, financially or any other way. Here are a few other ways in which you can take care of your mental health and help others do the same. This is far from a complete list, so if you would love to share more ideas in the comments below I know all of us would be forever grateful! The more we work together on mental health, the better we will all be.
One of the best ways to help both gain clarity on our thoughts, recognize patterns, and reduce mental clutter and stress can be using a simple journal. Putting our thoughts on paper will help us clear a little space in our heads. It also forces us to sort them out and get a little more clarity on what exactly we are thinking. Even if it doesn’t make sense when we first write it. By reviewing our entries, we can begin to see patterns of thought and action we engage in. It can be self-sabotage, self-doubt, a lack of confidence, or many other defeating trains of thought. It does not have to be all doom and gloom! There is a lot to be learned from both sides of the coin. We can learn the thoughts we have that lead to good days. What we do and think after a victory in life. How we can live in a good emotional state.
That leads us to our next idea – a gratitude journal. None of us experience reality. We actually experience the reality we focus on. What is wrong is always available. So it what is right. Which do we tend to focus on more? By training ourselves (it feels like forcing ourselves at first) to record 3 things we are grateful for and why a day can radically transform our mental health. Done for a length of time, it also subconsciously programs our mind to look for what we have to be grateful in life knowing that we will have to write it down that evening.
I apologize for the length of today’s post and thank you for sticking with me. Mental health is just such an important topic here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. In a world that seems more dividing than ever, there are more opportunities than ever to help each other, and ourselves, in the mental health arena. This can often be more difficult for men as society has frowned upon men not only expressing their mental health but seeking help for it. Luckily that is changing. If we want to improve our mental health, one of the best things we can do is bring joy to others. It is my life mission to leave my world a little better than when I arrived. It is a goal that I can only measure by the day. Each day I strive to add joy and positivity to the lives of all of those I come in contact with. This has given me a life that has my heart bursting with joy and gratitude on most days. On the days my own mental health needs a little help, those relationships become reciprocal.
This month, take time to focus on mental health. If you are really struggling, please reach out to a friend or even a professional for health. You will not only be doing yourself a favor, but allowing them to live a life of service and purpose. That is a big gift. If you want to reach out to us here at Secret2anamazinglife.com with any mental health issue you would like us to take a deeper look at, please do so in the comments below. All of our readers, and their mental health are very important to us.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 