Tag: Relationships

LIFE IS STRANGE ðŸĪŠ

Think of this quote for just a moment. When a baby is born, it has no material things to call its own. When we are about to pass away, any material objects we may own stay here. Wealth may help you get better health care on the way out, which is a sad commentary about our society, but you will leave with nothing. It reminds me of a great quote from Denzel Washington I will share with you in just a bit.

Knowledge of these two facts is not anything that eludes us. We may not dwell on them, but we are certainly aware of the truth of them. Ancient Egyptian pharaohs tried taking it with them, but many years later we open their tombs to find it all still there. Still, in today’s more advanced society, we spend our entire lives in pursuit of material things. To some extent there is more of an accent on things like peace and happiness, but they are treated as more of a commodity than a way of being.

There is the quote I promised earlier. “You will never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. If that isn’t true. Why do we not spend more time and effort on things that will feed both our soul and our legacy? The answer is usually that we are fixed on the idea of comfort, or preoccupied with how we appear to others. It starts when we are young. You have to have the ‘cool’ brand of shoes or clothing. This is true even if another brand is more comfortable and more economical. A good many of us never outgrow this way of thinking. This highlights one of the hypocrisies of living this way. We spend our money, focus and energy on things to make our life more comfortable. Often, these things are not the best option for our life.

Here is one thought to ponder. There is nothing more soothing and comfortable than inner peace. Despite what advertisers may tell you, that is not something you can purchase. There is a song lyric I like that says, “An honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind.” Knowing that I have given my best and tried to focus on what really matters allows me to sleep at night. Not concerning myself with material status or image for others allows me to focus on more important things. How do I make my lady feel loved? How can I add more joy and positivity to the world? Am I taking actions that will leave the world a better place than I found it? These are the important things to be working on.

One great exercise to help you gain clarity on these matters is discussed at length in my second book, Living the Dream. That is the act of writing your own eulogy. To some this may sound morbid, but it will help you gain both clarity and direction for your own life. Pondering what you want people to say at your funeral, and how you want to be remembered, will show you what actions you should be taking now. It will also become abundantly clear if you are currently taking the proper actions, or if there is something you need to work on. How about you? What are you working on?

A WAY TO BE WISE ðŸĪ”

This is more than some feel good quote. Epictetus, who went from being born into slavery to teacher of philosophy, knew a thing or two about not having a lot. What allowed him to transform his life, and the lives of countless others, was his mindset! We have discussed at length the subject of gratitude on this site. We have done so because it is one of the most powerful tools we can use to transform our life in the quickest period of time. Want to suddenly have a more fulfilling and happy life? Your best bet would be to find as many ways to incorporate gratitude as you can.

Getting back to the quote at hand, what can it tell us about our own life? A good deal. We may not have been born into slavery, but all of us have had our share of hard times. Maybe a job loss or unexpected bill that has set us back. We all have. What makes focusing on what we have verses what we lack so wise? Let us take a look at that. It will help us see that life is really an inner game. What do I mean by this? Let us look at both sides of this quote.

When we focus on lack, life will never feel fulfilling. If we are a person filled with anger and rage and we suddenly win the lottery, have a great spouse and loving kids, what will our life be? It will be one of anger and rage. We spend so much time trying to achieve outer success before focusing on inner thoughts. That is why we see rock stars, movie stars and celebrities who seem to have it all take their own lives and become addicts. They mastered the outer game, but failed at the inner game. If you become rich and successful, but your are unhappy and ungrateful your life will feel like a failure. In reality, it will be.

Conversely, when we focus on what we have we feel fulfilled. This does not mean we will not seek something better. It simply means as we do that we will acknowledge the fact that we have a lot to be grateful while we are pursuing it. When we do receive more, it will feel even more wonderful because we are already living with an attitude of gratitude. It will just give us more to celebrate and feel grateful for. Those focused on lack will never have enough, no matter how much they have. Those who are focused at feeling grateful for what they have will always feel good no matter how little they have.

Can you see the wisdom in this mindset? One feels terrible no matter how good circumstances are. One feels great no matter how terrible circumstances are. Life, at its core, is our emotional state. If we can find a way to be happy regardless of outside circumstances, than our life will be one of joy. That way is through gratitude. After all focusing on what we lack has turned celebrities into addicts. Focusing on what we have has turned a slave into a philosophy teacher. You owe it to yourself, and those around you, to fill your heart with gratitude. It will make you less stressed, happier and more enjoyable to be around. That is a secret to an amazing life!

A GOAL WE SHOULD ALL STRIVE FOR. ðŸ†

We touched on this a little in the last post. We should endeavor to bring something to the lives of everyone we touch. It could be just lending an ear to someone who never feels heard. One of the best things we can do these days is offer an uplifting and encouraging message to everyone. The world seems in dire need of such things. There are few universal truths in the world. I think wanting to bring something to the life of everyone we meet is one of them.

Some of you may think you do not have much to offer. Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone of us have our own unique perspective and our own unique skills that add something to the world. It can be an ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos. It can be the skill of finding the positive or humor in any situation. Again, the ability to truly listen to someone. Not just to reply to them, but to truly understand them is a priceless gift.

Starting today, whenever you interact with people, think to yourself, “What can I bring to this person’s life?” Approaching our personal interactions with the question “What could this person really use right now?” Will allow us to bring our relationships to the next level and improve the lives of all of those we come in contact with. How do you bring something special to those you interact with?

FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR LIFE âĪïļ

This post comes out on a Monday. It would be a great day to start these practices. Then again, any day is a great day to fall in love with your life. There are 2 ways to look at this. The first is spelled out in the picture above. Make sure to include the little things that bring you joy in your life. Your favorite coffee, your favorite music and time with your favorite people or at your favorite place. It is important to be present for these. One of my favorite coffees to have on the way to work in the morning is Dunkin. It is smooth and good to sip on while your body wakes up. The tricky bit is that my mind is often a few minutes away from waking up as I am on my way to work. I can easily finish a cup of coffee before I even realize I am drinking one. I have to make a point to sip it and be grateful for the experience. Gratitude is a great way to be present.

That leads us into the second way to fall in love with your life. That is to see the magic in it. How do we do that? Think of when you first fall in love with another person. Everything they do is magic. Oh, look at the way he takes out the garbage. Oh, when she opens the pickles she looks so cute. Everything they do is magical and you fall in love with it. Eventually, it becomes common place and the magic seems to fade. That can happen with life as well. That is why children seem much happier than adults. How do we get that magic back in our life and our relationships? One word – gratitude.

When you stop to appreciate even the smallest things in life, you begin to see the magic in them. When I stop to really appreciate that sip of coffee at 4am, trust me when I tell you I can see the magic in that. Same with my relationship with my love. When I pause to appreciate all of the little things about her, it creates magic between us. When was the last time you paused and let your partner know that you appreciate something about them? Take a second, look them in the eyes, and say “I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you ____.” Think of how you would feel if they did that to you? The more you offer genuine appreciation, the more magic you create. Just make sure it is always genuine.

This is EXACTLY the same way it works for life. Stuck in traffic? Say out loud, “I am sure grateful that I have a car to be stuck in traffic in.” Happen to catch a glimpse of the sunrise as you are coming in to work, or the sunset as you are coming home? Instead of lamenting about work, try being grateful for the beautiful scene you are witnessing. The more often you offer genuine appreciation for life, the more magical it will become. Again, just be genuine. I would love to hear some of the things you are grateful for. The more we share, the more we can inspire each other.

HOW ABOUT YOU? ðŸĪ”

I am sure hoping this is true of all of us. As we go through life we learn more and are exposed to more. If we are healthy, and have an open mind, we grow. This can often come with a change of mind. It does not mean that we were necessarily ‘wrong’ before. It just means we have more experience, knowledge and wisdom to make an informed decision with. If we never change our minds or behavior, that would mean we have not learned a single thing throughout our lifetimes! That is not the kind of person I would like to be known as.

One of the fun things about learning is that you can always become a better version of yourself. At home you can become a better spouse, lover and parent. At work you can become a more productive employee and more supportive coworker. At the gym you can become more efficient at working out. You could become a more informed and healthy eater. There are so many ways in which we can change and improve. That is not a negative reflection on who we used to be. It is a positive reflection on who we are. How about you? What things do you say or do differently now than you did in the past?

WE ARE MISSING MOST OF IT!

Here is something to wrap your head around as the week progresses. We only know a fraction of reality. That does make the ones who act like they know it all seem even more foolish. My point is that we often do not see the result of our positive actions. We cannot see energy. If we get in touch with our intuition, we certainly can do a better job at feeling it. Like when you walk in a room and can just feel the tension.

There is the discussion of auras too. You know, the energy fields that exist around each one of us. That explains how when you first meet someone you can tell that you will hit it off. I recall first meeting the love of my life and just knowing that we were bound to do something magical together. At the time, I would have never guessed it would be getting married and spending our lives finding new ways to love each other, but here we are.

Next time it feels as though life is falling apart, just remember we cannot see the big picture. In fact, we can only see a small portion of the picture. Think of how much more your dog can smell than you can. We are missing a large portion of what the world smells like. We cannot fly like birds. We do not have the eyesight of an eagle. You get the idea. Next time you feel like life is totally going against you, do not give up. What we can’t see might be our blessings coming right around the corner.

A NEW PROCESS TO POSITIVELY TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE ðŸ˜Š

This title may sound a little like hype, but let me assure you that I do not believe it is. This is not a method I have read or heard about anywhere before. You may be the first of your friends and family to try, and to benefit, from it! If you recall a few posts ago we discussed the idea of never losing, just winning or learning. We took that famous quote from Nelson Mandela and tweaked it a little to become even more powerful. Today we are going to take it one step further by including a practice to help you in developing a shift in mindset.

In case you missed that post, we will give you a quick recap. We discussed a quote from Nelson Mandela, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” In life we can learn the most when things do not go right. In that way, even some of our darkest moments can facilitate some of our greatest growth. If you know anything about myself, and this site, we seldom stop and good. We tweaked that quote to say, “Lose or win, I will never fail to learn.” If you are only putting this mentality to work when you lose, you could be missing out on a great deal of information that could help you positively transform your life at a much more rapid pace.

How can you develop this mindset? It can be hard to think “What can I learn from this?” when you are in a severe negative emotional state. Just like a great many things in life, the answer lies in starting a daily ritual that will begin to train your subconscious mind to look for lessons in any experience in life. Just like any new habit, it may seem a bit like work in the beginning. That is because our brains do not like doing anything new. Stick with it, and soon it will not only become automatic, it will begin to lead to magical changes in your life.

Here is this simple ritual. All you need is a pen and a notebook. If you have read any of my 3 books, available on Amazon, you will realize how much magic we can create with these simple 2 tools. Keeping it simple, here is all you have to do. At the end of each day, before you drift off to dream land, grab your pen and notebook. In it, list one good thing that happened that day, and one thing that falls south of the ‘good’ category. Underneath, or beside each one, list at least one thing you have learned from each situation. You can do this at a different time of the day if it will make it more likely you will stick with it. The benefit of doing it right before sleep is two-fold. First, that is one of the times our brains are most susceptible. The other is right after we wake up, but that is a tough time for many of us without trying to start a new habit. The other reason this is a good time to do it is that it gives your subconscious mind something to work on as you sleep. Thus, making it even more powerful.

Like we mentioned earlier, if a different time would make it more likely you stay consistent, go with that. You can also try listing more than one of each situation, or listing as many things as you can that you learned from each one. At the beginning, I would start with one of each type of situation, and one lesson learned. Once you see the magic this brings to your life, you will want to increase both. You will benefit in two very important ways. First, you will be gathering lots of lessons and information learned. This, by itself, will help you grow and improve your life. Second, you will begin to train your mind to look for lessons in every situation in life. Before long, your mind will begin to do this as events occur. I would recommend sticking with this practice even after that point.

How powerful will you be when you can mine lessons out of every situation in life? That way nobody, or nothing, can stop you. Your life will be on a constant upwards trajectory! Even when it looks like you have suffered a setback, you will know that you learned something and that you are moving forward. There will be more about this in my upcoming fourth book. Until then, I would love to hear your experience using this strategy for improving your life.

NEVER LOSE, JUST IMPROVE

That sounds like a great life. Never lost, just win. Also sounds a little impossible. Looking at this quote from Nelson Mandela, we can see it is not only possible, it may be easier than we think. Whatever life throws our way, we can use it to our advantage. That’s why I would like to tweak Mr. Mandela’s quote a little bit.

“Lose or win, I will never fail to learn. – Neil Panosian

Did I really just quote myself? Yes. The reason why is simple. This is a mantra I have used, and continue to use to put my life on a never-ending upward trajectory. Whether my life is in a peak or a valley, it is always improving.

How do you accomplish this continuing and never-ending improvement? Through a change in mindset, but even more simply, asking a simple question. That question is “What can I learn from this?” When you learn your life improves. You can learn in celebration. What went well? What skills did I use to create that success? What bad habits might I have avoided that could have sabotaged my success?

We learn a great deal in pain and loss. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one, which can be the most painful, can show us how to better love those we still have in our life. Losing a job sucks, but we can learn how to develop new skills, be resilient and better prepared next time.

One of the most powerful situations to use this in (although I recommend using it all situations in life) and one of the situations with the most dramatic returns is intimate relationships. Think of it. You do something that lights your partner up. What was it? What about that thing you did or said affected them so greatly? You did something to hurt or disappoint your partner? You can learn from that. What not to say or do. What hurts them and what emotions may get triggered.

Bonus learning – try looking at the opposite of situations to gain twice the knowledge. That way you can improve your life twice as fast. The successful times can teach us about failure, just as hurt and pain can teach us what truly brings us joy. Get the most out of each moment in life and you will get the most out of your life in return.

THE KEY TO MOTIVATED LIVING ðŸ’Š

In a world filled with distractions, it can seem almost impossible to stay disciplined and motivated. What is the secret of those who can? There are books, seminars and endless conversations dedicated to this question. The quote above is the simple answer. It is your why. Does going to work seem like an impossible challenge? Try looking at a picture of your spouse or children whom you are earning money for. Think of how they would be impacted if you lost your job, or just stop showing up for work. That should put a little spring in your step.

The amazing thing about a why is that it can be positive or negative. Take getting in shape for example. On the positive side of things, you can imagine fitting into your favorite clothes and looking amazing as you walk into a party. That could motivate you so far. Negative motivation can be equally, and in some cases, even more powerful. Did you have to pass on a fun trip with your friends because you were too embarrassed to show up in a bathing suit to go swimming? Perhaps you did show up and felt mortified when people saw you? Feeling that sting of self-consciousness can help you do that extra rep that is needed. It is not about all about appearance. Everyone is beautiful in their own skin. What can be more powerful is feeling happy with yourself.

Speaking of feelings, how you impact others can be a strong why. Can you recall when you said something hurtful that broke someone’s heart? Remember how that felt? It can keep you from saying the first thing that comes to mind in a heated situation. How about the time you paid someone a genuine compliment and watch them light up? Isn’t that a great feeling? That feeling, and hit of feel good chemicals it triggers, can be a powerful why when it comes to being a good human to others.

The point of this post is to say that if you are having a hard time staying consistent with your self-improvement journeys, maybe it is time to take a hard look at your why. For something to be a priority in your life, there has to be a reason why it is. That reason must be stronger than distractions or temptations. If you are finding it difficult to stay on track, spend some moments focused on why it is important to you to take that action and stay disciplined. I would further suggest to get your thoughts down on paper. Use the carrot and the stick. Why is it important for you to take that action? What would be the result if you didn’t? Be honest with yourself. Seeing that in black and white could be the motivation you need to stay the course.

THE BEST FEELING IS A STEP ðŸšķ‍♀ïļ

Today, as this post is released, is a Sunday. Most people use this as a day of rest, or a day of worship. Both amazing things to dedicate a day to. Every Sunday night, many people start feeling a familiar knot in their stomach. That dread of another work week approaching. How can we finally get rid of that feeling for good? It starts the day before. It starts on Sunday.

One way to start feeling good is to take that first step. The step towards living the life of your dreams. It could be setting up a savings account. One way is to begin typing words on that book you have always wanted to write. They don’t have to be the perfect words. Trust me when I tell you as a three time author, they may not even end up in the book at all. It is in taking the action that you get that feeling. Motion equals emotion. Yes, it feels great to be on the top of the mountain, but do you know what else feels great? Taking the first step in climbing that mountain. Knowing you are on your way to accomplishing something great.

One of the areas that people overlook is the first step in a journey. It could be the journey of becoming a better spouse or parent. It could be the journey of becoming healthier or more full of inner peace. These are journeys that do not have a finish line, or a top of the mountain to reach. Knowing that you have taken the first step on a life-long journey that will positively transform your life is an amazing feeling. What action can you take today to begin a positive journey?