Tag: Relationships

HEALING IS POSSIBLE

We all have a good deal of healing to do in our lives. It can be from a break-up, a job loss, a physical ailment, abuse from our childhood, or even the loss of a loved one. No matter what healing we are in the process of going through, it can seem overwhelming. I recall coming back from my open-heart surgery. There were days when it seemed I would never be back to normal. Even 4 months later, I had my first day back to work. I had been feeling like I was normal. Five minutes into my day I was gasping for air and my body felt like I had just run a marathon. I felt so defeated , like I was back to square one.

Emotional healing can be even more complicated. It can seem you take one step forward and two steps back at times. You think you may have got past that break-up and then you hear a song on the radio that puts you into tears. Perhaps you think you have managed to find a way to move forward in life after the loss of a loved one, only to wake up in a sea of sadness. This is often how healing works. It is messy, difficult and at times overwhelming.

What will help us to traverse our healing journey and not become overwhelmed? Many lean on their faith. That is a great idea as it can bring peace in the most trying of times. Some lean on friends and family. That can be helpful as it gives the other party a feeling of value in your life. Just make sure to consider their well-being as well. One way that we can do daily is to celebrate the smallest parts of our healing journey. This can be making it 5 minutes before breaking down when the day before we only made it 3. The more we note the small progress we made healing, the less overwhelming it will seem.

One additional thing to keep in mind is that healing is not always a linear journey. There will be ups and downs. Somedays we must celebrate just making it through the day. Other times it is making it through the hour. Healing is just that way. The last thing we need when we are trying to heal is to put any pressure on ourselves. Give yourself the gift of grace as you work your way to healing.

YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR BALANCE, SPEND WISELY

After reading the quote in this picture, there is not much to say, but yet you could spend forever pondering it. We will spend a little less than forever but spend a little time pondering the virtues of spending our time wisely. Looking at time as a currency certainly gives it more value in many people’s eyes, which is ironic in itself. Can you imagine spending money never knowing how much you had? You could wind up with a bunch of worthless junk and not enough money to afford food and shelter. Sadly, this is how many people do live.

I often look at life like an hourglass. The sand only goes one way and it is always flowing. That is like our life. Our years are flowing from the top to the bottom. We can do things to slow the flow, but there is no putting the sand back. In addition, it is as if the top of the hourglass is covered. We never know how much sand we have left. Try looking at an hourglass and pondering this. Even a little timer that comes in a boardgame will do. Watch the sand flowing and realize the time you have left is doing the same. This should not make you sad, but create a sense of urgency.

We only have so many more tomorrows. How many, none of us know. That is why wasting our time on senseless gossip or the destruction of others is not only a vile use of our time, but a waste. There is a cliche that says, “Every minute you spend in anger is 60 seconds of happiness you lose.” That might not be it exactly, but you get the idea. We must use our time in ways that not only serve our peace and development, but that of those we care about. Doing things to help the world live in peace and harmony is a good use of anyone’s time. How about you? How are you spending your time?

THE GREATEST GIFT

Today is the birthday of this special lady. One of those things that I run up against every year is what do you get a lady that brings so much into your life? This is further complicated by the fact that I love surprising her with little gifts as often as I can. When I see something that I think will bring a smile to her face, I pick it up. Saving it for a holiday or special occasion is not exactly something I am good at.

In my second book, Living the Dream, I advocate active listening as a way to learn what would make a heart-warming gift for that special someone. It has served me so well in the past and I hope this year as well. Also working on ways to communicate not just with your partners ears, but with their heart and soul. This makes someone feel valued and special.

After thinking of the perfect gift, I realize these are the things that make up a perfect gift. Listening, speaking to someone’s heart and spending quality time with them is a gift that never goes out of style. Happy birthday my love! I hope your day is as special as you are to me!

YOUR 2 CHOICES

We touched on this a little earlier in the week. You really do have control of your mind. It doesn’t come easy. That is especially true if you have be letting it run the show up until now. Things like declaring your intention to have a good day no matter what the world throws at you in the mirror first thing in the mirror, go a long way to taking back that control. How else can we regain control of our minds? One word that always comes to the forefront is gratitude. Taking a few minutes each day to focus on all we have grateful for is a method to start to take back that control. If you do this at the end of each day, say by writing a few things in a gratitude journal, your mind will subconsciously be looking them throughout the day without you even having to tell it to.

Another method we discussed a while ago is the method of accomplishing goals. That is writing your goal on a top of a paper and taking an hour a day, five days a week, to come up with as many ideas on how to reach that goal as possible. Not only will you be focused on your goal in that hour, your brain will begin to bring to light ideas in the oddest hours. Meaning that in the background, our minds continue to work on that goal as we go about our day. This ‘goal’ could mean many things. How to improve our health, our relationship, our career, or even our sense of inner peace.

Make your mind work for you. It is up to you to take back control of your mind. Once you do, it can help you accomplish things beyond your wildest imagination!

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU ONLY WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS 🎄

Here is hoping your Holiday season is coming along quite well. One question that is always difficult for me to answer is, “What would you like for Christmas?” The same is true for my birthday and any other celebration. I may have finally come up with the perfect gift. Looking at my life, I certainly have enough ‘stuff’. Probably more stuff than I need. My relationship is amazing and with the most beautiful lady. Time spent with family and friends are always so rewarding. My job pays me fairly well. What possibly could be something I am missing?

The gift I am speaking of is continuation. How many people ask for that under the tree? When you have a life like mine, there is so much to be grateful for, why would you need anything on top of that? All I would like is more of the same. Waking up next to the woman I love. Having a job to go to. Being able to work out and continue my journey to good physical fitness. Coming home to that same beautiful and wonderful woman. Going for walks and out to coffee with my mom. Trips to the zoo and museum on occasion. Great conversations with friends. Having the privilege of sharing my thoughts and the tools and strategies with wonderful souls around the country and around the world! These are all gifts I would just like to continue in the coming year.

Are there challenges in my life? Sure. My job is not the most inspiring and does not make the best use of my talents. The weather where I live is far too cold for my liking. There are miscommunications with those we care about. There are many different challenges. Do I wish for those to continue? Yes, actually I do. It is those that allow us to grow and become better versions of ourselves. They are not always fun, but sometimes there are necessary. They also test our commitment and resolve towards becoming that best version of ourselves. Are you living a life that if it were to continue as it is that you would be grateful? If not, what is standing in the way of that and how can you change it? This holiday season, let us collect our blessings and gratitude and understand they are the greatest gifts of all.

THINK ABOUT THIS MONDAY MORNING

Here we are at Monday again! Seems like there is 52 of them a year. So many of us dread Monday. It can be understandable. Back to work, away from the family. You can’t sleep in and spend the day drinking coffee and relaxing with those you love. Unless, of course that is your job. In which case, please let me know where they are hiring. On Monday we have obligations to meet. This time of year we might have some weather to contend with. There are far more challenges than on the weekend.

This quote from the Dalai Lama reminds us that despite our challenges, or often including them, the gift is to be alive. We need to change a little mindset on a Monday. Instead of asking ourselves how we can make it through, I feel we should ask ourselves how we can make sure not to waste it. If we adopt the saying from the Dalai Lama above, we will begin each day with both gratitude for the gift of being alive and an intention to make something out of that gift of life we have been given. This may not always lead to a successful day full of joy and dancing unicorns and rainbows, but the chances sure will improve with intent.

This may seem a bit over-the-top for some of you. It really shouldn’t be. Our lives can be one phone call, one diagnosis away from being flipped upside down. I do not think any of us could argue that. There are people in the hospital wishing and praying for the life we know have. There are people who would have gave anything to make it as long as we have. Their life may have been tragically cut short. Yes, we all have challenges and things we need to overcome. That is part of life and what helps us grow and discover new and wonderful things about ourselves and the world around us.

As for the intent portion of the equation, how much better would our day go if we looked in the mirror and declared that we were going to have a wonderful day no matter what the world threw at us? It is admitting that things may not go according to plan, but we still can maintain control over our emotions. I recall reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. In that book he describes his experiences at a Nazi concentration camp and how he managed to maintain control over his emotions. Dare I say, we will not face something so grave, but we will still face our share of challenges. It may seem like wearing rose colored glasses when we claim we can maintain our inner peace and joy despite outside circumstances, but that is not so. We can still admit we would desire things were different than they were, but that there are still many reasons to be grateful the way things are. Even if, as the quote above says, it is the gift of being alive.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO READ THIS! ❤️

I seldom share data like this, but here are the stats for this website for the year. As you can see over 24,000 of you have viewed this site over 30,000 times as of the writing of this post. That is the second most views and the most people since inception. If you would have told me a mere moth ago that we would have reached this many people, I would have had a hard time believing you. It is my sincerest hope that we will continue to reach, inspire, motivate and encourage people from every corner of the globe, which brings us to our next data point.

It may be a little hard to decipher the colors on this map, but everything in shades of green is where are site has been viewed this year. As you can see with the exception of Greenland and a few countries in Africa, we have been viewed pretty much everywhere. Not only does this make me proud, but it highlights a very important point for all of us. That is that self-improvement is universal. I have had the pleasure of chatting with people all around the globe and am constantly reminded that although we are separated by borders, culture and politics, our basic human needs and desire to be better versions of ourselves can be found no matter where you call home.

I mention that point because we all deserve to encourage and help each other on the journey. It also gives me great pleasure to hear from those of you who read this blog, so always feel free to comment or message us your thoughts and ideas. We at Secret2anamazinglife.com want to serve our global community and leave this world a better place than we found it. Thank you all for support and I look forward to having the honor of sharing everything I learn with you.

ONE OF THE PUREST FORMS OF LOVE ❤️

This post could have been titled “Secret to an amazing relationship”. That is what this quote is. A truly great relationship is not just about intensity, but longevity. That may seem painfully obvious, but it is worth saying here in black and white. Even if a relationship has the burning passion of a bonfire, what good is that passion if it burns out rather quickly? Of course it would be great to have a passionate relationship that lasts for a very long time, if not forever. The million dollar question is how to do that.

Consideration is one of the very important tools you can use to give your relationship longevity. Being able to look at a situation, and consider its ramifications, from your partner’s point of view is a priceless skill. It is true that we will never know with 100% certainty how something will affect our partner, friend or coworker. What we can do is use the tools and strategies at our disposal to be able to have an educated and informed thought on the matter.

What tools and strategies will allow you to best be able to consider the other party’s feelings and how the situation may affect them? There are a few big ones I would advocate putting into practice. The first one is active listening. When the other party is venting about something that upsets them, pay attention. When they mention what would bring them joy, pay attention. If you ever have a question about the matter, do not assume. Asking questions for clarity is part of active listening. Listening with the purpose of learning and understanding is also part of active listening. If you go into a conversation with a plan of learning more about the other person, you are more likely to be successful with it.

The other aspect that can really help you better consider another party’s position on a matter is having meaningful dialogue. Many people call this “Having the hard conversations”. They may seem like something you may not want to do, but being able to know where someone stands on a difficult issue prior to that issue occurring, is a big advantage. Begin the conversation by letting them know you are asking because you want to know how best to act should that situation come up. Make it clear you are interested in their feelings and the health of the relationship between both of you. When they do tell you how they feel, or where they stand on a certain issue, accept it without judgement. Remember you are not trying to get them to think like you, just understand how they think.

Using these tools and strategies your relationships will stand a lot better chance of succeeding. When you show consideration for another, it demonstrates that you value them as a person and their roll in your life. If you are wrong in your estimation of how a situation may affect them, or how they feel about it, learn from that too. Before long, all of your relationships will start to improve.

NEVER BE ASHAMED

Today we are celebrating 1250 days in a row we have met here to discuss tools and strategies for success and living an amazing life. Hopefully, today’s post will inspire you and assist you in both of these endeavors. It is about a subject that many struggle with, including those who sit in powerful positions. That is the art, and ability to admit we are wrong.

Admitting we are wrong is never an easy thing to do. It does not feel good. We fear that it makes us look unintelligent or at the very least, not as impressive in someone else’s eyes. The quote above may help us to look at admitting we are wrong in a different light. It not only shows that you are capable of learning and adding to your intellect as Mr. Swift noted, but I think there are a few more things that admitting we are wrong actually do for us. Let us take a look at a few of them below.

Have you ever encountered one of those people who are totally incapable of admitting they are wrong? They come across as arrogant and it actually makes them look fragile. It takes a good deal of self-confidence to admit fault. It shows a certain vulnerability and humbleness. In the case of disagreements in our personal relationships, I think it shows that we are more committed to a solution and solving a problem than being right. It also demonstrates that you are capable of considering the other persons feelings and point of view.

With all of these great traits to be shown by being wrong, we should never be afraid of admitting it. Something to keep in mind is how you handle it when someone admits they are wrong to you. Do you hold it over them? Do you see the traits we mentioned above? How you handle someone else’s mistakes will go a long way in determining how they will handle yours. Show appreciation for them being brave enough to admit their mistake to you. Be thankful you are not with someone who never admits they are wrong.

TIME TO CELEBRATE!

Today, Margie and I will be attending the “Best of Milwaukee” awards ceremony. The bakery she owns with her daughter was nominated for 3 different awards. I cannot tell you how proud I am. They work so hard and deserve the recognition. Being an unpaid employee of said bakery, I get to go along to the ceremony. Our DJ show also nominated for best in Milwaukee. We are so thankful for our supporters in every area.

Although this party will be great from a personal level, it is about so much more than that. It is a celebration of local businesses and people who make a difference in the community. Not only is that vitally important, but the votes were cast by members of that community. Where celebration and involvement come together, that leads to a closer and stronger community. Make sure you take the time to celebrate the people who have positively impacted you and your community. That can be filling out a survey for the business online, taking the time to show appreciation for an employee during the busy holiday season or maybe a positive post about the business on your social media account. All of these do not cost you a single penny, but can mean the world to a business or stressed out employee.

When we celebrate and honor each other, all of us our winners.