Tag: Relationships

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 20 – WHO IS IT?

This is one of the big ones. Who are you grateful for in your life? In any gratitude practice I think this one is included. I am sure at some point in time we have thought about how grateful we are for certain people in our life. Here are two challenging ideas I hope you take action on. First, spend a focused few minutes and think of who you are grateful for. Write their names down. Next, ask yourself how you could express this feeling of gratitude? You could tell them in person, a phone call, an email or the good old greeting card. You could even post on their social media.

Great friends are certainly people to be grateful for. Above is a picture of people who used to come to a bar I worked at. Many are still good friends. I am grateful to have met them all. That is the fun thing about meeting people. Each person, in some way or another, brings something to your life to be grateful for. Even some of the worst people can leave you grateful for the example of what you do not want in your life and grateful for all of those who are not like them. Most people, however, give you something positive to be grateful for. It could be humor, being a great listener or a million other traits.

Family is another group of people to be grateful for. Above is a picture of my mother and I braving what turned out to be a terrible flood. We also had been enjoying the Wisconsin State Fair. Walking through the fair with my mother is one of my favorite things that I look forward to all year. We go on discovery walks and try many new foods and just have a lot of fun. Could not be more grateful for that if I tried.

To of course having someone that loves you even on your bad days. This woman has changed my life more than any other person I know. A year and a half from now I guess she will also be family! Having that rock of love is one of the most powerful things that you can have in your life. Sharing adventures as well as the daily grind together. It makes the sorrows less and multiplies the joy.

As you can see, there are so many people to be grateful for in your life. Really, each person offers you that little bit to be grateful for. We touched on it in the friendship paragraph, but you can think of anyone and everyone and gratitude could be given. The great employee who served you an iced coffee so you would have energy to write. (Thank you Anthony) The lady who checked you out at the market. The employee at the power company you may never meet, but who worked in dangerous conditions to keep your power on and the milk from spoiling. Speaking of milk, how about being grateful for the dairy farmer? How about being grateful for the cow?

There are an endless list of people you can be grateful for. I have shared just a few of mine and gave you some thoughts on more. How about you? Who are you grateful for in your life?

30 DAY GRATITUDE JOURNEY DAY 19 – TOUCH

We are on day 19 of our 30 day gratitude journey. Not only does this mean we are roughly 2/3 of our way through, but it also happens to be my favorite number. We are looking at what touch we are grateful for today. Another one of those area that we do not often stop and think about it. If we lost our sense of touch, can you imagine how much different our life would be? Have you sat down and thought about what touch you were grateful for? I can’t say I have. Now I will and I hope you will join me.

One of the things that comes to mind is the touch of a soft blanket on your skin. Make that a warm, soft blanket. We are experiencing high winds and are soon expected to have snow join along with that. Being able to crawl under a warm, soft blanket will feel amazing. Can you image that feeling?

Not to use this as a grateful item two posts in a row, but I would be dishonest if I didn’t. My favorite touch is a hug from my lovely lady. Not only does she give some of the best hugs, but it shows that she cares. That touch conveys so much. Reassurance, love, compassion and healing. All of that in one hug. Can you think of a favorite touch?

30 DAY GRATITUDE JOURNEY DAY 18 – ART!

When I first stopped to think of what piece of art that I was grateful for I drew a blank. Sure, there are paintings and sculptures I enjoy, but nothing really stood out for me. This is what makes this 30 day journey so powerful. We are looking at areas in our life that we may not take the time to think about. For me, art is one of those. I enjoy art, but it is not very often that I sit down and ask myself, “Neil, what piece of art are you grateful for?” Did that today though.

As I sat thinking of the answer, I realized what a broad term ‘art’ is. I was busy thinking of paintings and sculptures. Art is far more than that. I good cup of coffee can be a work of art. If you have ever had a bad cup of coffee you can really appreciate this. As an author, I should have known that books are works of art as well. Poems, they are works of art. Music is one of my favorite art forms. If it were not for that my early morning commute and workouts would be far different. As I mentioned last post, the wonderful baked creations my lady creates are works of art. The creativity and effort that goes into them is truly amazing!

After much thought, this is my favorite work of art. It is a living work of art. The woman I love. When you stop and think about it, each one of us is a living work of art. We are formed from different creative influences. It is a work of art that is every evolving. Just like much art, some may find beautiful what some do not. It does not make the art any less valuable. What is your favorite piece of art? Are you working to improve the work of art that is you?

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 14 – SIGHT

Today’s gratitude post was one that made me stop and think. It is a powerful one at that. We have many sights that we view daily. How often do we stop and appreciate them? There are certainly ones that we lament about. Take my current example. I am sitting in a Starbucks right next to my day job writing this blog. Outside it is snowing like crazy. It is  a little more than a week away from the first day of spring and we should be having temperatures more closer to that season. The trees still look dead and it is rather gloomy. Those things stand out to me. Can you guess how focusing on them has me feeling? I can tell you that it is less than inspiring.

When I first read that today we would be talking about what sights we were grateful for, I must confess to having a hard time with this. That will tell you what a great opportunity this is. Apparently, I do not spend enough time focusing on all of the good things that I lay my eyes on in a day. Take the picture above. It is my current situation. I have a laptop to write on, access to the internet to publish it so I can chat with all of the wonderful members of this community around the globe. Not to mention the delicious hot cup of coffee just waiting for me to take a sip! There are a few sights that many of us take for granted that instead we should be using as a moment of gratitude every day! Let us take a look at a few of those.

The sight I am always most grateful for is this beautiful lady right here. My love, Margie. Not only is she lovely, she loves me! Her smile, especially if I have anything to do with it, is the most beautiful sight to me. It means that I am living up to my standard of being a good man and taking care of my lady. How about the sight of your front door? When you come home do you think about everything that is wrong with your house or are you grateful that you have a roof over your head? The amount of homeless people is not only heartbreaking, but is growing. In an age where the cost of living keeps increasing, having a place to come home to is definitely something to be grateful for. How about the dinner or breakfast you are about to eat? How many people go hungry? Sure it might not be the dish that you want, but you can afford something. These things you might be grateful for but how often do you express that gratitude? Even just to yourself? We are all guilty of taking it a little bit for granted.

When we stop to express gratitude for things like a loving spouse, a place to come home to and food to keep us going we feel more abundant and full of good fortune. It is my belief that something more happens. I believe that being grateful for that spouse will help increase the love between you two. I believe that being grateful to have a place to come home to will make it feel more peaceful, even if it is a little chaotic. I believe having gratitude for whatever meal you are about to eat will make it taste just that little bit better. Do not take my word for it. Try expressing, and feeling, gratitude for these things in your own life. Before you walk in the door at the end of a hard day, say, “I sure am grateful to have someplace to come home to.” When you see your spouse say to yourself, or to them, “I am really grateful for you even if we occasionally drive each other crazy.” Pause before that first bite and express gratitude for being able to enjoy a meal when many do not have that pleasure. Try doing this for a week and see how it feels.

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 10 – TASTE

Can you believe that we are one-third of the way through our 30 days? Hard to believe. I hope you are beginning to see just how many things you have to be grateful for in your life. We are just warming up. This has been just as enlightening to me. There are so many things that I had not stopped to think about in a long time. Areas of our life that we take for granted. Today is no different. What taste are you grateful for? We did do one on food so I will not dwell too much on that.

When people think of taste, almost always it goes to food. That makes sense, because after the age of about 2 or so, we mostly put food in our mouth. Taking this into account, there are more tastes to be grateful for. This is what makes these month so exciting. We are asked to think about different things. When was the last time you thought about your sense of taste and what you had to be grateful for? I am going to share a few of mine, but I would love to hear yours as well.

The post does ask us what taste we are grateful for today. That will help keep things a little simpler. I will start from my morning. Perhaps one of the things I am most grateful for, not only in taste but in life, is the taste of my lady’s lips on mine as I am leaving for work. Why? It not only is a reminder of the love we share, but what I have to look forward to come home to. On the way to work, there is the taste of my coffee I brewed that morning. So much to be grateful for there. The amazing machine that does all the work for me. The energy that it will help give me at 4am. Even the fun variety of the different coffees I have. One thing that is overlooked by the majority of people is the taste of clean water. A large portion of the planet does not have access to clean water. It is something we take for granted but without it, a lot could go wrong.

There are more abstract tastes as well. The taste of success when you get a little win in the day. As an author, these can often be what keeps you going. The taste of compassion when you seek to understand instead of respond. Yes, I realize they might not fit the specific definition of ‘taste’ but they are certainly something to be grateful for. How about you? What tastes bring gratitude to mind for you? Please let us know in the comments below.

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 9 – PLACES!

On our 30 day journey of gratitude, this could be one of the days with the largest possibility. What place are you most grateful for? This is one of those answers I do not think should have the word ‘most’ attached to it. In fact, I believe you should create a list of places you are grateful for along with a little notation as to why you are grateful for them. Do this places bring you peace? Perhaps they bring you joy? Are there certain places that help you feel connected to people that have passed on? How about places that are an escape or refuge? Are you beginning to have a few pop into your head? I know I am.

Here is a thought that could really blow this wide open. A ‘place’ does not have to be a geographical location. Your grateful place could be in your peace. It could be in your spouse’s heart and thoughts. It could be getting lost in a meditation. A place can actually be a person. Before you think I am taking this to an off-color gratitude post, allow me to explain. Sometimes the place you are most grateful for is wherever your friends are. Maybe your favorite place is with the person you love. It doesn’t matter if it is the tropical beach or the dentist office, as long as they are there holding your hand. A place can be an activity. Some places I am grateful for are where I write, where I walk in nature and where I can be with friends.

If I had to pick a favorite place, it would be next to this lady. Why? Even when I am have a tremendously great time, it is never perfect if she is not there. Whether I am laying in her arms to end a tough day or she is driving me crazy, I always want her next to me. When she is not there it just feels like something is missing. That is why being next to my lady is the place that I am most grateful for.

How about you? What place are you most grateful for? Is it someplace you can visit often? Why not create and add to a list of places that put you in a grateful mindset? It can help you when life gets tough. Changing your surroundings can help improve your emotional well-being. I cannot wait to read your favorite places in the comments below.

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE DAY 5 – SOUND!

Welcome to day 5 of our 30 days of gratitude! Today we approach another one of the five senses. We looked at smell earlier in the week. Today we are looking at what sounds we are grateful for. Do you have a certain sound that calms you down? Perhaps one that energizes you? In my first and second books, I took about creating a ‘happy playlist’. This is a collection of songs that help to improve your emotional well-being simply by pushing play. It may not solve your problems, but it will put you in a better state to deal with them. Sounds are not just music as we will see. Let us take a look at some of the sounds I am grateful for, and hopefully you will add yours as well.

Many of you already know that I leave for work around 4am. If you didn’t, well now you do. This time of year it is pretty cold and quite. In another month or so, I will be greeted with the sound of birds chirping away. It reminds me that warmer weather is on the way and that there are creatures who are happy to be up at that hour. Generally speaking, I am not chirping, but you never know what could happen. When my lady and I are on vacation down in the tropics, you can hear all kinds of wonderful birds. When you sit out on your balcony late at night the sound is almost magical. Birds chirping are one of my favorite sounds.

Another beautiful sound is voices of those you love. In my life that could be the love of my life singing. The voices of those who come support us at shows or book signings. The laughter of friends when you are together or even the conversation when your mother and you go on a walking adventure. Hearing the voices of people you care about is such a blessing. It can be one that is fleeting as well. As we get older, many of us lose a little bit of that hearing. It makes what we do hear something to be that much more grateful for.

How about you? Are there sounds that you are grateful for? What are they? It could be your dog panting or your cat purring. It could be your child calling you mommy or daddy. There are a million sounds in the world today that we could be grateful for. The sound of a phone call or message from someone you love. What are yours? Let us know in the comments below.

YOUR PEACE IS MORE IMPORTANT

Today we start a new week and a new month. I encourage you to start a new mindset and a new behavior as well. This one is simple, but not always that easy. Have you ever found yourself watching or listening to the news and getting fired up? Have you ever had your day turned upside down by the actions of a careless individual? Have you ever had someone do their best to start a disagreement with you? If you answered no to all of these questions, you must be living on an uninhabited island somewhere. Most of us have had at least one of these happen to us. It not only destroys our day, it destroys our inner peace.

You may be asking yourself what the big deal about getting upset is. There are several things that getting upset and sacrificing your inner peace will do to you. First, there is the physical cost. Higher blood pressure. Increased stress. What is the big deal about that? Let us look at the research. According to research 75 to 90% of all human diseases and illnesses are related to the activation of the stress system. Ponder that for a moment. On average, 8 out of 10 of your illnesses are because of stress! How much loss of wages and life enjoyment does illness cause? What is the long term damage? Chronic Stress is a significant contributor to such things as cardiovascular issues, cancer and diabetes. The first two being the top two leading causes of death. They all share the same common denominator – stress. Next time you are tempted to get fired up about an issue, stop and consider what that stress will do to you. Take a deep breath and say confidently, “My peace is more important.” By doing so you will eliminate almost all of your illnesses.

The second one is a little more obvious. Living a life where you are always getting pissed off sucks. It is rather cliche, but every minute you spend angry is 60 seconds of happiness you lose. You are not only giving control of your emotional well-being to these outside circumstances, you are also sacrificing your happiness for it. If that was not bad enough, you are never sure of how much time you have left. Morbid thought? Maybe. True thought? Absolutely. None of us are going to get out of this life alive. Those who will win the game of life are those who enjoy it the most. You certainly can’t enjoy it if you are letting outside circumstances and individuals determine your emotional state. If you find yourself angry, sad or depressed due to outside circumstances, start saying this mantra. Even if you are rather good at regulating your own emotions, I would recommend adding this mantra to your lexicon.

Your time on this planet is a finite and depreciating asset. Why spend any more of it sick, whether that is physically, mentally or emotionally, than you have to. We have seen that stress causes up to 90% of your illnesses. We have seen that the top 2 causes of death are related to elevated stress levels. Not to mention enjoying whatever time we have left of this beautiful planet, be that little or much, makes a lot more sense that sacrificing it for a negative emotional state. Your inner peace is more important than that. It is time to remind both ourselves and others that is the case.

WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO BECOME

This is a simple, yet powerful quote. In all of our lives we have had situations that have knocked us down. It could be a divorce, a sudden job loss, a health crisis or abuse of any kind. Most of the time, none of these are our faults. It is, however, 100% of our responsibility what we do with the situation that we are placed in. Eric Thomas said it best when he said, “It may not be your fault that you have been knocked down, but if I come back in a year and you are still laying there that is on you.”

In no way is this an attempt to belittle what you have been through. You may have been a victim of fate, the economy or even another person. That can be cruel and unfair. Whether you stay a victim is up to you. This does not mean it is easy. It does not mean crawling out of that situation will not be painful. What it does mean is that you have decided not to let them hurt you anymore. Every day that you use your circumstances as an excuse instead of motivation, you are giving power to them and taking away power from yourself. Yes, your boss may have fired you unfairly. Yes, the economic crash may have been brought on by rich politicians who could care less about the working class. None of that is your fault.

It is time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these two important words – Now What? Your name was slandered by a cyber bully. Now what? You could seek revenge, which is a terrible waste of energy and can even end up adding validation to their accusations. Better option would be to commit to living your life in such a fashion that anyone who would speak against you would be the one to look foolish. You had no choice in the actions of the bully, but the responsibility in your response is all on you. Many people have had terrible childhoods filled with abuse that we can’t even imagine. Still, the responsibility falls on them to either heal or not. I am blessed to have friends who have took the painful journey of confronting their abuse, healing and now help others. I have seen others fall into a world of addiction and have their life end far too soon.

Whether we like it or not, there is no connection between fault and responsibility. None of what happened to you may be your fault, but your life is still your responsibility. This may seem unfair, but it is also terribly liberating and empowering. That means our past, as painful as it might have been, does not have to limit our future. It only will if we decide to let it. If you need help in your journey, reach out to a friend or a professional. Do not let your past determine your future.

UNSUSPECTED CAUSE OF APATHY

My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.

Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.

The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.

I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.

Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.  

Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.

Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.