Tag: People

THE FIRST OF MANY

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This will be a week devoted to words that shape our lives and begin with the letter ‘P’. Not only is it the first letter of my last name, but as you will see when the week progresses there are a lot of words that fall into this category.

First word up, ‘Pain’. It may seem odd for a blog on living an amazing life to feature pain as its first word of the week, but that is only because we often think of pain as a negative. What do I mean pain as a negative? Who doesn’t think of pain as a negative right? If you ask anyone “would you like some pain?” chances are the answer will be a resounding no. Here is the bad news, pain will always be a part of our lives. Here is the good news, that doesn’t have to be the bad news. Pain can be our servant and not our master. We can learn to use pain and not let it use us.

So How can pain be a good thing in our lives? First of all let us understand one thing, in many ways it already has been. As a child if you touch a hot stove your body gives you pain. In most cases we remember that and never touch a hot stove again. Thus, we save ourselves bodily harm that could cause us severe damage. Let us look at emotional pain. Someone does something and our heart gives us a dose of pain. Often this can be worse than touching the hot stove. So how on earth is this good? It can be if we understand it is showing us something about both ourselves and the other person. Maybe we did not communicate to the other person our standards and what hurts our feelings? Maybe we need to be a little more cautious with how much we open ourselves to this person. In some cases the pain may even mean we need to limit and maybe even remove this person from our lives.

One final way we can use pain to serve us is in the accomplishment of goals. In life we do things for two reasons. One of which is to reduce and eliminate pain. The other we will discuss tomorrow. So how can we use this to improve our lives? Let us say our goal is to live a healthier life. Try taking yourself for a run and see how far you can get. Find a full length mirror and get undressed in front of it. These things may seem very unmotivating, but when we understand that personal dissatisfaction can be a tremendous driving force we can understand giving ourselves small doses of pain can push us in ways we may very well need. How many times have you heard someone say “I’m sick of feeling/looking this way!”? If their pain is great enough they will change it. Same with motivating us to help others. I am a firm believer in helping the abused be it adults, children or animals. When I see the commercials with the starving children or abused animals I want to reach right out and help. I want to eliminate their suffering.

The one caution is we must not let ourselves be consumed by pain. As powerful as pain is, it is only one side of the equation. Next post we will look at the other half of this powerful life-changing tandem. So please read both and understand life is a balance.

As always feel free to share this post with anyone and everyone you think it may help.

MASTERMIND

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My bio was recently posted on the West Allis library Facebook page for the Wisconsin authors festival event I am going to do next Saturday.  Feel free to stop by, check it out and comment if you like.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=793830877388460&substory_index=0&id=326342164137336

I am so excited to do this. One of the reasons is being around like-minded people. One of the keys to success I believe is finding and associating with at least one other person who is traveling the same road you are. Our friends and family can be great sources of support and encouragement, but it is my opinion you should have someone on the professional path you are on. My lovely lady in the picture above is amazing in so many ways. At the event above we were not as busy as we had hoped, but not only did she keep my spirits up, she also was great company. She is also very creative and in business for herself. We recently had a great conversation about small projects verses big projects. I am working on my next book and the difference in writing that verses writing these blog posts is interesting. We discussed the difference for her in making specialty cupcakes verses creating someone’s wedding cake. The challenges on bigger projects and the stress that goes with them is greater, but the reward and sense of building something great is also greater.

As awesome as this conversation was, and to be honest how pretty much all of ours have been, writing is an area she cannot 100% relate to. Interestingly enough we are going to do a project together and that very well may change, but for the time being writing a book is something she has not done. Interestingly enough we met some of her former coworkers for coffee and they discussed crafts, creating scarfs and hats for homeless people out of piles of yarn. Something yours truly will never be able to do. Which is ok. We can both relate to each other about creating projects, but I think it is wonderful that we both have people to discuss details with that neither of us can fully understand. I think having that balance is important and vital to success. So today begin to form your ‘mastermind group’. Include a mix of people who both support you personally and can relate to you professionally. You will be glad you did.

TAKE A BITE OUT OF LIFE!

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What is this a picture of? Some of you may say it is a picture of a sandwich with a bite out of it. True, but not exactly. It is much more than that. Let me tell you what this picture symbolizes. First, a little background on the picture. It is indeed a sandwich, in a plastic bag with a bite out of it. My lovely lady made me this sandwich to take to my day job which is with the United States Postal Service. She had it put in a bag along with a few other items.

Ok, so I know what must be on your mind at this point, why the bite? For those of you sensitive to romantic situations this would be a good time to stop reading. Although we have the great fortune of working together 4 nights a week and spending another working in the same building time apart happens far too often for our liking. This day we had a great morning working out at the gym together, we had went to a winter market a few days before and were just generally enjoying the time we were sharing. So my lady being as sweet as she is decided to help me save some time on my morning routine of getting ready. Which, I must confess often resembles the fury of activity and speed displayed by a Nascar pit crew, by packing me a lunch. That was a very sweet gesture and one that I did appreciate oh so much. Plus, it gave me a healthy alternative to the sugar filled junk in our lunch room.

So what on earth is with the bite already? Ok, here is the romantic thing. We both mentioned how we were having such an enjoyable time with each other that we found it particularly difficult to be apart that day. So after she made my lunch, she took a bite out of my sandwich so I would remember who made it. Ok, so yes it may seem mushy and overly romantic to some of you, but I found it rather cute. The point of all of this is that the littlest of things can mean the most. My mom used to pack me lunches on occasion when I was in school. It was very nice of them in both cases, but my lady went a little further. That little act of silliness and thoughtfulness stuck with me so much I not only took a picture, but I still think of it to this day.

So if you would like to increase the romance and little things in your relationship, feel free to share this with your partner and start thinking of little things you can do for them. You do not need to buy a new car or an expensive gift to have your partner fall in love with you (Although honey, if you are holding out on giving me a new car feel free) all you have to do is show them you thought about them and you care. Feel free to share this with anyone else you know, or on your social media page. Also feel free to leave romantic things that you and your partner do for each other in the comments below so other readers can try them as well.

 

DON’T BE COMFORTABLE!

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Why on earth would I not want someone to be comfortable? Trust me, I am all about comfort. When I get home it is in a warm bed with a nice electric blanket and a perfect pillow! I love sitting on the porch in the sun with a good book and some great coffee. So what on earth am I talking about here? I’ll explain in just a moment, but let me explain how this topic came to be. Last night while bartending on what turned out to be a rather busy night I had some great conversations. One in particular stood out. It was a conversation between myself and my friends Meghan and Bret. Meghan was mentioning to Bret and I how people can get comfortable with the wrong type of environment.

What did she mean by this? Let us consider people in an abusive relationship. They start to get used to the things that happen. How on earth can someone get used to being in such a relationship? It is like the story of a frog. If placed in a kettle of boiling water, the frog will quickly jump out. If, however, the frog is placed in a pot of warm water and the water is slowly brought to a boil the frog will get used to it until it is dead. That is often how we become used to things that are not good for us. If slowly people begin to treat us harshly and then that treatment increases to the state of abuse we may have become so used to it we do not see it for what it is.

Besides being obviously bad for our well-being, it does something that can be far more damaging. When one finally escapes the abusive relationship and finds the good fortune to be loved the way they should they often find it hard to accept. If you are told over and over that you are less than, or no good it may be very difficult to fully realize the beauty that is inside of you. Even when surrounded by people who are angry and emotionally abusive one may have a hard time feeling completely comfortable in a calm and healthy situation. This may sound crazy for those of us who have never went through it, but it really is not.

So what is the takeaway here? If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who used to be abused, understand they may need more time and you may need to exercise a little more patience. They may need more reassurance and it may be difficult for them to accept or believe genuine compliments. Do not get frustrated and realize you are actually working to not only love this person, but heal them as well. If you tend to be the type of person who is prone to anger and saying things you might not mean, remember these can have long-lasting effects. Sometimes taking years to heal and undo.

Lastly, if you are a person who has been in an abusive relationship. This is what you need to know. You are good enough. The actions, words and feelings you suffered through were not your fault, but the action of a person who had not matured enough as a human being. Understand that the people trying to make you feel good are doing so out of love and their care and concern for you. Accepting what they have to say will not only help heal yourself, but make their heart feel good as well.

Please like/share/comment on this post. There are sadly far too many people who need to see this message. People who fill all roles of this tragic situation. Feel free to leave and questions, comments or suggestions you have as well. Let us work together to heal the world.

WHY GIVE AWAY YOUR CONTROL AND POWER?!

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Last post we looked at what not to do in life. There were 3 things to avoid which gave us three things to do. If you missed that post I highly recommend you take a look at it. The second of the things to avoid on that list was ‘Blame others for your problems’. I told you that I would tell you the dreadful thing that it does for you. Here is the thing, when you point the finger at others realize in addition to saying “It is your fault” You are also saying “you control me”.

What do I mean by this? If someone angers you it is because you decided to let that happen. The only person who is responsible for your emotions is you. If a complete stranger walked up to you on the street and said “I do not like you” it would not make you feel good, but you would probably just shrug it off and keep going. If a good friend of yours walked up and told you the same thing it may be crushing. Same thing on the positive side. If a complete stranger tells you that they find you attractive it will make you feel good for sure, but if the person you have been with for years tells you “You still take my breath away every time I look at you” That can certainly have more of an impact. Why is this? Because even though the words and the actions are the same you decided one means more than the other.

Same goes with blame. If it is another person’s fault that you failed or have problems, then what control do you have over fixing them? In any situation we have played some role. We also can determine that others actions will not stop us. Sure they can delay or sidetrack us, but then it is up to us to work harder, stay determined and not fail. Same with success. If we are eager to assign blame, what about credit? How likely are you to say about your recent life victory “Well really it wasn’t me, I had nothing to do with it”? You do not want to give someone else the credit for all of your hard work, so do not let them take the blame for your problems. When you accept your role in the negative things that happen in your life it tends to be liberating. You have a sense of control and with control comes a feeling of hope. If you got yourself into the mess, you can get yourself out. If you point the finger at others and say it is there fault you feel different. There is almost a sense of helplessness or at the very least a lack of control. If they caused this problem in your life, what is to say they won’t do it again? They might even cause some other problem in your life. What about all the other people in the world? Could they cause problems for you?

So here is the takeaway, assume responsibility for your problems and then set about to correct them. Notice the sense of freedom and control you feel. In fact, in every issue try to find something that was your fault. This may seem counter productive, but trust me it will lead to a feeling of more self control and power over your own life.

This is my take on life. I would love to hear how this works in your life as well as any other issues you would like to discuss here. If you enjoyed this please like/share/comment to your heart’s content.

WHAT NOT TO DO!

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I love this post because it points out something very important, there is a recipe for both success and failure. If you do the three things mentioned above life will suck, period. Number one, complain about everything, does little to change anything for the better. What it does do is put our focus on what is not working. This in itself is not a bad thing, we need to focus on what is not working in order to be able to correct it. However, complaining is seldom if ever solution oriented. It is actually totally useless. In fact, it is worse than totally useless. When you complain for a long period of time you are thinking and vocalizing what is wrong in your life, with the world, or with someone else you think should be living differently. You leave the conversation feeling worse than when you started. As for anyone who is listening to you they also feel worse and very well may look to avoid conversations with you in the future. This would only add to the negative and thus, life would suck more

Number two, blaming others for your problems we will deal with in the next post. What we can say about it here is that it often leads to number one. It also contributes to number three. Worse it does something that makes you feel even worse, but again we will discuss that tomorrow.

Number three, never be grateful, is a joy killer. When you fail to appreciate what you have in life, that leaves you to focus on what you do not have. How does this leave you feeling? Like your life is a state of lack. You always feel that your life is missing something. That also would suck.

So at the risk of this sounding negative this post also gives us the recipe for success. How? In the face of every negative situation, there is the seed of a positive one. In this case just do the opposite of those three. Reduce the amount of complaining you do and focus on what is going right and how to solve what is not working. Accept responsibility for your role in your life’s problems, and always, always find something to be grateful for. Those are the three ways to succeed in life.

If you found this read helpful or inspiring please feel free to share/like and comment. Tell all your friends about secret2anamazinglife.com Let us all work together to make the work a more positive place.

YOU DECIDE WHAT IT MEANS!!!

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I’m VERY excited to be writing this post. This is a picture that my lady posted on Facebook. I fell in love with it right away, much like I did with her. Here is the powerful thing about this, it points out a very important thing that many of us do not utilize. We can control what things in life mean to us. What it is often perceived as a negative experience can often be the greatest of all lessons and motivate us further. If you look at words they have a powerful impact on how we feel. When someone says you ‘FAIL’ it makes us feel bad, but if you ask any successful person they suggest you should embrace failure. Why? because when you fail, you are getting one step closer to succeeding. In fact, if we never fail, we would never learn anything. We would never grow. If we change our definition to “first attempt at learning” we can better understand how it can help us grow.

‘END’ is another word that can make us feel down. A job comes to an end, we can feel like we did something wrong. Only if we give up. If we change our definition to “effort never dies” it encourages us to keep going. So next time we are told we have come to an end, let us not accept that. If that door closes, let us go on looking for another which may very well open up into a room full of new opportunities that we may never have encountered.

How about when we have been pushing and doing our best and someone tells us ‘NO’? We must not accept that as a final word. In my own life I have faced many ‘NOs’. Each one has had me feel let down. From now on, thanks to my beautiful Margie, I will understand that is just means “Next opportunity”. In my professional career I have been pushed to new jobs, new people and new gifts and talents I would not have discovered had I not lost the position that I had previously. In my personal life, a lot of ‘FAIL’ ‘END’ and ‘NO’ has changed my life for the better more than anything else.

If you like this as much as I did, thank Margie and feel free to like/comment/share with others!

WHY YOU SHOULD BE KIND AND NOT AN ASS

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This post was inspired while having lunch with my lady, my friend Gail and her son. Gail was mentioning how people routinely come up to her and mention certain things she has done that have really touched them. If you were to ever meet Gail you would find this easy to believe as she has a very good energy and spirit about her. The funny thing is the same thing happens to my lovely Margie and myself quite often. Just last night a gentleman thanked Margie for making him get out and be social. People often remember me as the “Friendly guy from the post office”. Sometimes things end up a little more intense. Considering the kind of work I am involved in there are occasions when tools I have passed on, or just different ways to look at the world have inspired people and helped them take the actions necessary to turn their lives around.

It always reminds me of the importance of being kind. You never know when what you say, be it a kind word or an inspiring idea that can have a great impact on their lives. You never know if someone may be going through a challenge we know nothing about. What you say may inspire them to follow their dreams and become a blessing to so many others. Imagine what the world would be like if Einstein never pursued his passion? Being Jewish in the World War two era he could have easily just become bitter and walked away. You have heard me mention Walt Disney who was rejected by over 300 bankers before being approved for a loan for Disneyland. In addition to strong personal power I believe these people must have had a person or two who inspired them along the way. Einstein himself said that he used to say “thank you” over 100 times a day.

So what about the second half of the title of this post? The reason why you should watch what you say especially in times of great emotional upset is this, you never know who is listening. You could shatter someone’s dream and they may give up and never go on to bring their gifts to the world. We may lost the next Walt Disney, or the next great doctor, scientist or author. Your seemingly foolish comment may give someone a complex for the rest of their lives, or worse push them over the edge in a battle they have been fighting.

So the point is this, use kind words and encouragement often, and do your best to swallow your criticism and angry words. If you wish to encourage more people feel free to like/share and comment on this post. Together we can turn the world into a better place for all.

CHANGE…IT’S A GOOD THING!

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I hear a lot of people complaining about change.  Last post we talked about the importance of learning.  Today we are going to discuss why you need to keep changing and why that is a good thing. When I hear people who say they dislike change or who are even afraid of change I feel compelled to ask them why. The answers fall into a category something like “I just wish everything would stay like it was” or they tend to focus on things in the world that have changed for the worse.

I will tackle the first argument this way. Ok, if things never changed I would love for you to ride a horse to work today. When you get there try using a computer that would only store so much data before you had to remove one of those floppy disks and start over. I even remember having to wait for nights and weekends because they were cheaper to use on my cell phone. Medical treatments have certainly become more advanced. I don’t think any of us would want to check into a hospital where they are using medical practices from the dark ages.

So what about the second point that change can often bring about negative results? That is always true to some extent. We mentioned the medical field before. While new knowledge there has saved countless lives I think the new ‘pill pushing’ paradigm is the wrong way to go. Still I wouldn’t sacrifice the knowledge gained. This was brought home by a conversation I had with a coworker at my job at the post office. “I don’t use the internet. All they have on there is porn and other garbage. I have lived this long without it, I don’t need it now”. On one had he is right. There is a lot of garbage on the internet and a fair amount of adult entertainment, or at least that is what I heard. Still this man is an avid bicyclist and could learn a great deal about that. There are also search engines for any questions you may have. YouTube videos that show you everything from preparing your dish, to secrets to improving your life. The latter of which can be found on my channel under “Neil Panosian”. My point here is this, if we look at the negative side of change it becomes something to fear at the most extreme or at the very least something unpleasant at best. If we focus on everything we gain from change it becomes something far more encouraging.

If you know someone who fears change feel free to share this with them. In fact, feel free to share this post with anyone and everyone. If there is any issue you would like addressed in this blog feel free to list your question in the comments and it could be featured in an upcoming post.

WHY I DO WHAT I DO

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One question I get a lot is why do you keep studying. Why do you keep reading books on improving yourself and motivation when that is what you write/teach? In fact, I had a person that was very close to me ask me, “Why do you read books on relating to people when you do that so well? Why do you listen to how to start a conversation, when you are the best at talking to people?”. The answer is in the question itself. They actually had it backwards. I can talk and relate to people because I do study material. I am only good at what I do because I never stop learning. So if I have found things that work, why am I still looking for other things that work? Very good question. Here is the answer. Upgrade. What do I mean by upgrade? There are always secrets and tools I do not know about. I am continually facing new struggles and there are people who may have faced them before that could offer a unique insight.

So here is what I suggest to you. Whatever your passion is, whatever you are working on, read about it. Study like you are new. Get around people in the same field. I routinely chat with a fellow who also has a blog on positivity as well as a fellow who just started a motivational Facebook page. Treezy and Nick have taught me a lot and have both given me fresh perspectives. Even talking with people who are not necessarily in your field can pay off. My lovely lady Margie designs cakes, I do not. My cakes resemble a young child’s art project. Still, I can ask my lady what she does to stay motivated and keep to her high standards. I can then use that to apply to my work in the self-improvement/motivation field. Winners are winners no matter what their chosen field and all of them use certain practices whether they know it or not.

One more reason I keep learning and working. I want to reach as many people as possible. The more ways I learn to do so and the more I put myself out there the more people I will reach. I know myself I can hear the same message several times and it finally clicks if it is said in just the right way, or maybe it is just the right time for me to hear it. So I shall continue to keep working and learning. I welcome you to do the same. You never know what you will discover.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to like/share and tell others about it. If there is any questions you would like addressed, please feel free to leave them in the comments.