Tag: Nelson Mandela

A NEW PROCESS TO POSITIVELY TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE ðŸ˜Š

This title may sound a little like hype, but let me assure you that I do not believe it is. This is not a method I have read or heard about anywhere before. You may be the first of your friends and family to try, and to benefit, from it! If you recall a few posts ago we discussed the idea of never losing, just winning or learning. We took that famous quote from Nelson Mandela and tweaked it a little to become even more powerful. Today we are going to take it one step further by including a practice to help you in developing a shift in mindset.

In case you missed that post, we will give you a quick recap. We discussed a quote from Nelson Mandela, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” In life we can learn the most when things do not go right. In that way, even some of our darkest moments can facilitate some of our greatest growth. If you know anything about myself, and this site, we seldom stop and good. We tweaked that quote to say, “Lose or win, I will never fail to learn.” If you are only putting this mentality to work when you lose, you could be missing out on a great deal of information that could help you positively transform your life at a much more rapid pace.

How can you develop this mindset? It can be hard to think “What can I learn from this?” when you are in a severe negative emotional state. Just like a great many things in life, the answer lies in starting a daily ritual that will begin to train your subconscious mind to look for lessons in any experience in life. Just like any new habit, it may seem a bit like work in the beginning. That is because our brains do not like doing anything new. Stick with it, and soon it will not only become automatic, it will begin to lead to magical changes in your life.

Here is this simple ritual. All you need is a pen and a notebook. If you have read any of my 3 books, available on Amazon, you will realize how much magic we can create with these simple 2 tools. Keeping it simple, here is all you have to do. At the end of each day, before you drift off to dream land, grab your pen and notebook. In it, list one good thing that happened that day, and one thing that falls south of the ‘good’ category. Underneath, or beside each one, list at least one thing you have learned from each situation. You can do this at a different time of the day if it will make it more likely you will stick with it. The benefit of doing it right before sleep is two-fold. First, that is one of the times our brains are most susceptible. The other is right after we wake up, but that is a tough time for many of us without trying to start a new habit. The other reason this is a good time to do it is that it gives your subconscious mind something to work on as you sleep. Thus, making it even more powerful.

Like we mentioned earlier, if a different time would make it more likely you stay consistent, go with that. You can also try listing more than one of each situation, or listing as many things as you can that you learned from each one. At the beginning, I would start with one of each type of situation, and one lesson learned. Once you see the magic this brings to your life, you will want to increase both. You will benefit in two very important ways. First, you will be gathering lots of lessons and information learned. This, by itself, will help you grow and improve your life. Second, you will begin to train your mind to look for lessons in every situation in life. Before long, your mind will begin to do this as events occur. I would recommend sticking with this practice even after that point.

How powerful will you be when you can mine lessons out of every situation in life? That way nobody, or nothing, can stop you. Your life will be on a constant upwards trajectory! Even when it looks like you have suffered a setback, you will know that you learned something and that you are moving forward. There will be more about this in my upcoming fourth book. Until then, I would love to hear your experience using this strategy for improving your life.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR YOU TO BE! ðŸĪŠ

In a world where everyone is trying to be the next big _____. Something gets lost in the quest. That is the most important person we can be. Who is that? Is it the next Kim Kardashian? The next Mother Teresa? How about the next Nelson Mandela? While all of these people have traits that could be good to replicate, they are not the person you should strive to be. No, the person you should try to be is….YOU! The more authentically you can remain true to yourself, the more you give others permission to do the same.

One of the first things that is said when I mention this is that you have faults. Here is a news flash – everyone does. If you ask any of the people above, they all have things about themselves that they would like to improve. Here is another thing that is important to note. Your faults, and the way that you handle them, can be some of the most inspiring things about you. Everyone can relate to having things about themselves they would like to improve. If you come across as being perfect, nobody will be able to relate to you. If they cannot relate, you will not be able to inspire them!

Today, just focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be. After all, if you are not you, who will be?

NEVER LOSE AGAIN! ðŸĶļ‍♀ïļðŸĶļ‍♂ïļ

Wouldn’t it be great if you could go through life never experiencing a loss or a failure? What if I tell you that I actually live that life? As impossible as that may seem, it is true. Before you roll your eyes or think that I am joking, let me assure you this is not only 100% true, but you can do it too! This is not to say that you will not suffer heartache. Everything you aspire to accomplish will not always turn out as you had hoped. You will still face struggles along the way. There will still be relationship issues, maybe the loss of a job, or even worse, the loss of a loved one.

If you are a logical person, you might be asking yourself, “I thought he said we would never experience a loss?” As painful as some of these afore mentioned events are, they can be changed from a loss to a lesson. It involves a simple change of perspective. This may seem like I am splitting hairs, but hear me out. Does changing what we call something really change its reality? You bet. No, it will not bring that relationship, job or loved one back, but it will change your emotions about the situation. When we think about it, our emotions are our life. If you are happy and feeling good, your life is good, no matter what circumstances may be. If you are sad and feeling down, your life is not good, no matter how well situations may be playing out for you.

Using Nelson Mandela’s philosophy, we can see how we can never lose again either. My one caveat I would suggest is learning in both cases. Feel free to quote me on this one, I never lose, I either have a victory or a lesson. In both cases, I have learned. We can learn how to be a better life partner when we screw up a relationship. We can learn ways to improve ourselves, or align ourselves better with our passion when we lose a job. We can learn more about living with love, and less with regret when a loved one leaves us. This is not simple hyperbole, I have personally done all three.

If we learn from our mistakes, they are not a loss, but a lesson. Therefore, the only way we can lose in life, is to fail to learn. My relationship with the love of my life would not be nearly as amazing if I did not learn from my mistakes, both in past relationships, and in the wonderful one I share with her. Your relationship will have mistakes and challenges, it just shouldn’t keep having the same ones. The great thing about working for the United States Postal Service, is that they are always threatening to eliminate your job. Why is that a good thing? Sounds rather stressful doesn’t it? In a way it is, but once again, I have learned to put that stress to work for me. It reminds me to never allow my occupation to become my identity. This is a lesson that many of us could put into use. It also motivates me to pursue outside interests. To work on improving myself and my writing. Losing a loved one is never easy. It will be painful and I do not wish to marginalize that pain. However, I recall once I learned to use that pain to make sure that I loved everyone I care about to the fullest in my life, it became a great motivator. The only thing worse than the pain of loss, is to have that pain compounded with regret.

Do what Nelson Mandela does. Do what I do. Never allow yourself to simply lose in life again. When you turn everything in your life into a lesson, not only will it lessen the pain of perceived losses, but help you grow and develop as a person. There is no more powerful feeling to look life right in the eye and say, “I never lose. I either win or I learn.” You owe this to yourself.

DAY 10, THE FINAL STEP TO HAPPINESS!

It is the final day of our 10 day happiness challenge! Before we get to today’s post, I encourage you to go back through the bottom 9 stairs and do a quick review. How did focusing on these particular items increase your happiness? Mine was both a mix of great reminders and opening my mind to new and wonderful things to try.

Today we look at a step that could not be more relevant – Hate less, Love more. We find ourselves in a world seemingly in chaos. From global pandemics to racial inequality, the news often seems grim. For many of these problems there are no easy solutions. One solution, however, will make every step we take more productive and that is ‘hate less, love more’. Although many of our views may differ politically, culturally and spiritually, it is important to remember the power of the people comes from our ability to come together as one. Those that wish to divide us in any of the areas previously mentioned or a million others are like wolves at the door, blood thirsty for power and control. Please do not let them grow hate in your heart.

I believe it is time for the world to begin to focus on solutions. I am so humbled by those who have the strength to stand up for injustice wherever and whenever they see it happening. We need brave souls like that. In order to begin to find solutions to create a better world for our children. There are two things that are needed for sure. We need meaningful communication. We need to sit together and more importantly work together to find those solutions. That cannot happen if we do not have the second thing – Love. We need to find a deep love for our fellow brothers and sisters on this planet. This can involve compassion, understanding and forgiveness. It may seem weak for some to forgive and have compassion for those who have done wrong, but the opposite is true. It takes a truly strong individual to overcome the hate, the pain and the bitterness and to focus on a path forward.

A great example of this can be found in Nelson Mandela. Mr. Mandela was a South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, political leader and went on to serve as the country’s first black head of state. In 1962 Nelson Mandela was arrested and would spend the next 27 years in prison, largely because of the color of his skin. In 1990 due to growing economic and social pressure he was released by then president F.W. de Klerk. One could understand if his heart would have been full of anger and rage over the injustices done to him. One could also understand if he would have wanted to enact revenge against those who had stolen so many years of his life.

Mr. Mandela did neither. He vowed to work together to fight the racist system in place. By doing so he formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to investigate the countries past human rights abuses. In order for there to be successful and meaningful change, Mr. Mandela understood the need to unite and work together. To dismiss the ‘Us verses Them’ mentality. He famously encouraged many by saying, “May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears.” I believe anyone who follows a blog such as this would like to see a world where we all can live in peace and without fear. I hope our decisions to hate less and love more would bring us closer to that.

THE 2 KEYS TO SUCCESS

This blog is dedicated to helping you live an amazing life, which shouldn’t be too surprising given the title. One of the key elements is to develop plans to achieve success. Then, to break down those steps into simple workable plans that we all can implement. That is true of today’s post as well. The two keys to success. What it comes down to is needing to elements to succeed in any area of life – a vision and action.

It is all rather simple. Our vision will determine what kinds of actions we will take. If you goal is to be fit your actions must reflect that vision. Certainly eating a large pizza for dinner every evening would not get you there. Why is it then we often find ourselves taking actions contrary to our vision? We have a vision of ourselves being fit and full of vitality but then find ourselves having a cup of coffee and a twinkie for breakfast because we are running late. In this case we must take a hard look at our vision. Is it truly something we want or are we doing it to impress someone else in our life? Perhaps it is something we truly want but are still having a hard time maintaining the proper actions that correspond to that vision. What then? Then we must look at the reason why we desire that vision in the first place. What would being fit and healthy get for us? What would we lose by not being fit and healthy? We must strengthen our why.

On the flipside is people who take a lot of action but have no clear purpose. I equate that with getting in a taxi and giving him a million different directions all at once. Chances are you will not get very far if anywhere at all. Having a vision helps us guide our actions. We can see if we are getting closer to our vision (taking the right actions) or getting further away from our vision (taking the wrong actions) It is important that we then adjust accordingly.

Having a clear vision and not taking any action gets us just as far. Maybe your dream is to own a beautiful home in a lush tropical setting so you can spend your days lost in creating a brilliant literary masterpiece. Then again, maybe that is just my goal. The point is, if you just sit and dream of it every day, you are no more likely to get there than someone who has no goal. Our vision must be strong enough to inspire action. Inspired action that can be measured against the ability to draw us closer to our vision.

FREE YOURSELF

I love this quote, but more to the point I like the thought behind it. Too many of us focus on and dwell on the hurt that has been done to us in the past. Here is a shocking bit of news for you – the only person you are continuing to hurt is yourself. By reliving the pain and hurt you experienced, you are simply choosing to experience that pain and hurt all over again. The ironic thing is that the only person to blame this time is you. I know you might be saying, “But Neil if they wouldn’t have hurt me in the first place I would have nothing to relive.” That may be true, but they have moved on and it would serve you to do the same.

Will Smith said it best when he remarked “fault and responsibility are not linked.” It may be their fault that they hurt you but it is your responsibility to not only move on from that hurt, but better yet, put that pain to work for you and stop letting it hold you back. Still stewing over what your ex did to you years ago? How do you think that will affect your current relationships? If we were to put what you are doing into words it would sound something like this, “I am not only going to feel this pain and heartache every day, but I am going to let that pain screw up my current and future relationships.” Doesn’t sound very sensible does it?

In the above quote Nelson Mandela was speaking about a government who had kept him in jail for 25 years based on the color of his skin. Was that his fault? Of course not. Was that fair or right? Absolutely not. If he focused on that anger and bitterness when he was freed who would suffer? Not those who jailed him. It would be himself that would feel anger and bitterness in his heart. It would be him that would eventually fall victim to physical ailments due to those emotions. As he said if he did not let those emotions go he would not be free.

I am not advocating letting people walk all over you. Far from it. Be cautious against those who have hurt you, but do not relive the pain. It does not affect them and it can only hurt you. Remember fault and responsibility are not linked. It sucks, but it is true. Free yourself from your hate, sadness, bitterness and anger. Enjoy the freedom you deserve.

THE POWERFUL FORCE

The last few posts we have looked at how we as different faiths share the common bond of love and the desire to mature spiritually. It is when approaching someone who is not only different than us, but one that we may be at odds with that this becomes most paramount.

If our desire is to forge a bond with those who are considered our enemy we can only do so by relating to them on a level that we share. Using the power of love, which is a feeling everyone desires and everyone has the ability to give, is the most powerful way to do so. Looking back in history can only serve to prove this correct. Starting with the above example Martin Luther King jr. He did not curse those who persecuted him based solely on the color of his skin. No, he preached love, equality and acceptance. Nelson Mandela who was imprisoned for a quarter of a century could have very easily moved to start a revolution upon his release and nobody would have blamed him. Instead he said, “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.” That my friends takes a lot of love, but look what he was able to do.

As we think of those we consider enemies, let us begin to consider ways in which we can use love instead to make them our friends. It will not only be better for creating a result, it will be better for our heart and better for the world as well.

TOGETHER IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD

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Today we celebrate the birth of Martin Luther King Jr. American minister and civil rights leader. This gentleman is someone I greatly admire. He had the bravery to stand up and bring to light the deplorable treatment of his race. Knowing standing up to speak his mind and do what is right may very well cost him his very life is something I cannot grasp. Not only to do so on a personal level, but in the national spotlight so that every person full of hate would know exactly who you were and where you lived. Risking not only your safety, but that of your family and friends. How many of us would be willing to do that just because it is the right and just thing to do?

That bravery, as amazing and mind-blowing as it is to me, is not what I admire and respect most about this man. It is something entirely different and something we can learn from his legacy. His bravery to me is easily trumped by a skill that I think has gotten lost in those who crusade for causes of both racial and social justice – compassion. In everything he stood for, Dr. King never advocated revenge, he never proposed the use of violence or crime. He never asked to be given anything other than equality, which all people, everywhere, so richly deserve.

Reading this may sound like compassion is nothing to difficult, but think of this, in the time Dr. King was alive, he was spit on, called vile unspeakable names, physically assaulted, had his life and the life of his family threatened, and as we all know, ended up having his life taken.

Throughout all of this one would not blame him if he screamed things in return such as, “You owe me!” or wanted to burn down their houses and threaten their families in return. I certainly do not want to imagine what my reaction would be if I were treated in the same fashion.

What impresses me most about Martin Luther King Jr. is his not only willingness, but insistence on working together. Dr. King understood that to make equality work we need not only the qualities of bravery, strength, and persistence, but also those of compassion, faith and understanding. Much like Nelson Mandela when he was released after having 25 years of his life taken away solely because of his race, he did not seek revenge, but said “Let us work together to lead our country.” When I read that my first thought was, “he said what?!” How many of us would be able to put our egos and feelings of vengeance aside for the greater good? How many of us would be able to understand that violence and crime are not protests and will not lead to a solution.

Which brings me to another thing I deeply admire about Martin Luther King Jr. He always encouraged every member of his race to be the most upstanding individuals they could be. There is nothing that takes away the validity of prejudice, than proving their venomous opinions wrong through right action. Just as there is nothing that feeds the fire of hatred propagated by those filled with racism and prejudice than behaving just as they describe. There is nothing that shows these traits as being archaic and asinine as forcing someone to say, “See that person helping the homeless over there with a smile and compassion? We should hate them because they are gay/black/Muslim/left-handed or whatever idiotic hatred I feel like spewing today.” Then they are the ones who look foolish.

Any intelligent person knows there are good and bad people in each and every group you examine. In today’s world where hate can often steal the front page, we must work harder than ever to love and understand one another. We must do so by not only passing laws to punish discrimination, but more importantly by addressing beliefs and behavior behind the actions of hatred. Real change happens first in the heart, then in the court of law.

It will take all the strength we have not to respond to judgment and hatred thrust upon us with hatred of our own, but we must be vigilant in our fight to make the world a more peaceful and loving place. We must do that by not only being the best person we can be, but having patience, understanding and compassion for those who need it the most, those who hate.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Martin Luther King Jr. that I feel captures what we have been discussing here today.

“Darkness cannot drive our darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

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THE SECRET TO A PASSIONATE LIFE

Everyone wants a life filled with joy and vitality. I believe the quickest way to accomplish that is to increase your passion. How do we do that? Find a ‘why’ to your life. What does that even mean? What it means is finding a reason you want to get up in the morning. Why going through all the tough times will be worth it.

I have asked a lot of my good friends what their ‘why’ is. When asked most of them don’t know. Some give me answers such as “If I don’t I will be fired”. That is not very motivating.  Ask yourself that very question. What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning. I must confess there are days not much will get me out of bed. Still most days I have a compelling reason to put both feet on the floor and begin moving. This blog is part of it.

We all need something that stirs our soul. Usually it is something bigger than just ourselves. I am not advocating you quit your job and move to the tropics, although I must admit that thought crosses my mind several times a day. No, you don’t even have to change your career. You may eventually want to, but you can always begin chasing a dream part time. Maybe begin writing that book you have always wanted to? Start your own YouTube channel doing videos on a topic that excites you. (Mine can be found by searching Neil Panosian). There are also plenty of volunteer opportunities. My mother recently retired and will begin volunteering at our local zoo.

The point is all of us, I don’t care who you are, were born to do more than just pay bills and die. We each have a unique gift and passion to share with the world. Nelson Mandela once said “Action without vision is only passing time, Vision without action is merely dreaming, but vision with action can change the world”. I don’t care if your passion is attending state fairs. Perhaps you can recommend ways in which they can be improved. Maybe write a book about your different experiences, or create a photo book? The point is no matter what your passion is, sharing it with the world will accomplish 2 great things. One, it will bring joy and fun to countless people who share your passion and most importantly it will set your soul on fire. These are two things the world desperately needs, people sharing their passions and people living their passions. Once you start, your life will never be the same!

UNLOCK YOUR PRISON

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This is one of my favorite quotes. We hear far to many people bent on “Paying back”  people who hurt them, or worse, they just carry around the anger and resentment from the someone, or the world at large has done to them. What many of us fail to realize is that by doing this we are allowing that very same situation, or person,  to continue to hurt us again and again.

It makes sense to be more cautious around someone who in the past has shown they cannot be trusted to have your best interests at heart. Sometimes you must even do your best to eliminate them from your life. Continuing to harbor resentment or hurt after the fact does little, if anything, to affect the offending party. Quite often they are either ignorant of your discomfort or in extreme cases take pleasure in it.

Nelson Mandela did spent over a quarter of a century of his life in jail for nothing other than belonging to the wrong race. When the people who put him there finally released him if he were bitter, or angry I think we all could understand. What he understand was feeling that way would only affect him.

It was Buddha who said

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”

There is great truth in this statement. Your actions and feelings may eventually cause harm to the one who hurt you, that is you may ‘hit’ them with that coal, but by the time you do so you will already have been burned.

I see two major ways in which this happens. One, the physical way anger or hurt affects your body. Your blood pressure is elevated. You often feel lethargic. Quite often it leaves you feeling sick to your stomach. You can develop a terrible headache. These symptoms are also the same as a body who has been poisoned, and for very good reason. When you harbor a negative emotion it is literally a harmful poison put in your body. So not only can these people affect your emotional state, which you may transfer to others only to compound the problem, if you hang on to those feelings they can affect your health as well! Who would want to say to someone “you have just hurt me emotionally, allow me to help you hurt me physically as well” Sounds crazy but that is just what we are allowing them to do.

I mentioned there is another cost to hanging on to negative emotions. The other being mental focus and production. When your time and energy is spent on revenge, anger or depression it not only steals the joy from that moment, it costs you moments of happiness, productivity and creative creation. Projects you are working on will take twice as long and prove twice as difficult. Nobody wants that.

So do yourself a favor and get rid of all the negativity in your life. It is true what they say about forgiveness, it is not only the gift you give the other person, it is more the gift you give yourself. So give yourself that gift and free yourself from the prison of your own creation.