Tag: neil panosian

THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP? ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSON

One of my best skills, and the one I am asked about most often, is the ability to develop rapport with others. For years I recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. That is my favorite book and I have read no less than 10 times. It has some great clues, but did not give the full picture.

Dale Carnegie was not the relationship master I had solely drawn from. The other was notorious for not having good relationships. Clues were exactly what lead to this revelation while I was in the shower moments ago. It seems that is where all of our good thinking happens.

One of my favorite movies of my youth was Young Sherlock Holmes. It gives the childhood back story of one of the world’s greatest detectives. That, my friends, is exactly what creating rapport and fostering great relationships takes! You must become a great detective.

In Sherlock Holmes stories and movies, he always tells you the observations and assertions he uses to solve a case. People are one big detective case in themselves. The more we observe to learn, the better our chances of  a great interaction with them will be.

This can be noticing small details such as what their clothes can tell you. Are they using their right or left hand predominantly? What turn of phrase do they seem to use often? They may not give us all of the answers, but can give us clues to explore.

We could spend hours breaking this down, but instead I encourage you to try it out today. Give yourself two distinct challenges. First, pick a person you do not know that well. It could be a person you run into in a service capacity, a coworker or anyone else. Make as many observations on them as you can. Take mental notes and see what they can tell you by putting them all together. Tougher still, try doing this with someone you already know. See what things you can learn that you don’t already know. The better you know them, the tougher the case, but the bigger the rewards!

Treating relationships as cases to be solved may sound rather crude, but it can lead to an astounding deepening of connection. It may also surprise you with how many things you miss. Clues that can make cheering them up, buying the perfect gift and growing closer to them easier than you could ever imagine.

LIFE… THE END 😳

This picture, or group of pictures, is truly worth 1000 words. How many of us are like this lady? Chasing all of the material goods, grabbing all that we can.  Then, with arms full, she discovers she has reached the end of her life. She does have an arm full of riches,but what good will it do her then? The moral here is fairly obvious. Do not spend you whole life just chasing material wealth.

There are 2 other points that are important to add to this. First, while she is chasing the material goods, her eyes are locked onto what she is chasing. Not looking at the green grass, the blue sky or anything else. I’m not sure if that was intentionally done by the artist, but it makes a good point. How many of us focus on chasing what we do not have, never stopping to look at all the beauty around us? We settle for a feeling of lack. Instead, we should focus on the wealth we do have. That could be the love of our family, friends or someone special. If you are really lucky, like me, you have all three! The wealth of health. Even if it is not perfect, we are still blessed with a great amount of it.

The other point is that she is old in the last picture. Either that or she died her hair Grey. This is really a best case scenario. We never know when we will reach ‘the end’ sign in our life. That is why it is so important to enjoy the journey. Be thankful for what you do have while chasing what you want.

PICTURES ARE IMPORTANT 📸

Many of us, dare I say most, do not like having their picture taken. When I look at my picture, it usually resembles some kind of mutant from a B-movie. It doesn’t help the case that the lady in my life, whom I am usually lucky enough to be standing by, is one of those fortunate souls that looks amazing no matter what.

If we put our egos and vanity aside, we must ask ourselves what the purpose of pictures is even for. It is usually to capture a moment or a memory. Sadly, lately Margie and I seem to be attending quite a few funerals. One of the things you see at most of them is picture boards featuring memories of the deceased. When you see people looking at them, it is one of the few moments people are smiling. For a brief moment they are taken back to a moment they shared with the person they are now missing so much.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if there were few, or none, of these memories available? Sure we may be caught making a silly face, or scratching our butt, but that is what makes life amusing. Having those memories will serve as little treasures of joy when the pain of loss seems unbearable.

This year, feel free to capture as many memories as you can. Even little videos where you have the sound of someone’s voice. Make your appearance in them, even if you think you look like you came from a B-movie set or are scratching your backside. It would be a shame to be left with no memories and then it’s too late.

WE ARE ALL MAD HERE 🎩

This quote from Alice In Wonderland applies as much to the real world as to the world of Wonderland. How many times throughout the day do you encounter someone and say to yourself “That person must be mad!“ Usually it might be something a little more verbally intense, but in the same vein.

This is the interesting thing about this whole situation. You could really benefit by thinking of the real world as some kind of Wonderland! That grumpy coworker is just a character in the story. It may even help to imagine them looking the part. Challenges at the office turn into situations you have to overcome to get home. Just like Alice did when she was stuck in Wonderland!

This shift in the way you look at the world may not seem like such a big thing. It may even seem a little silly, but that’s the point. If you can go from stressed and angry to amused and silly, that is a win for you and your life! Imagine your life as some kind of fantastical fairytale world and all of the people in it characters. It will lessen the stress and increase the amusement.

Never forget, we are all a little mad here.

GRAB A NEW PERSPECTIVE!

This picture was taken during a nighttime walk with my mother at a local park. We walk here a lot during the day. Despite my best efforts against it, she will often walk alone at night. This evening, I joined her, and it was truly a much different experience than during the day. We were not able to see as far as we normally were. Things we could make out during the day appeared as black silhouettes.

You may think this would make it a lesser experience. Not so. Our senses of hearing were more developed and we noticed sounds we may miss during the day. The photo above is of the local water tower. During the day it is just a water tower, but at night it looked almost mystical. Something we could only appreciate at night.

This walk was a great reminder to get a shift in perspective on what you normally see. It can help you appreciate things you may miss. We walk this park countless times during the day, but the evening made it an entirely different experience. Have you ever had such an experience?

YOUR FAVORITE DISCOMFORT 🙃

A few months ago I hired a personal trainer at my gym. About a month ago, she quit. Hopefully that is no reflection on me as a client. A new trainer, Mia, was assigned to me. Being very thorough, she sat down with me to better understand me and my fitness goals. One of the questions she asked was what my favorite piece of equipment was at the gym. After some deep reflection, I answered her honestly and said “The massage bed is great.”

After a chuckle between us, I answered with a few machines. Here is the lesson in this. The massage bed is great. Helps you relax and feel good. This is true of so many things in life. The help us feel comfortable. The other machines at the gym wear you out and can leave you sore for days. Just like challenges in life. Many things we do will be uncomfortable and could even hurt mentally, emotionally, or even physically long after the event is over.

Why even bother with any of that? Why not stick to only things that are easy and comfortable? In one word, growth. What kind of shape would I be in if the only machine I used at the gym was the massage bed? Sure I would be comfortable at the time, but when the time came to do anything physical, I would be no better off and may even be worse. Using the machines that cause momentary discomfort will allow our muscles to grow and be better in the future.

This is also the way it works in life. If we only stick to things that make us comfortable we will be no stronger of a person when challenges come. In fact, we may even be weaker. It is not fun to have that difficult conversation or make those tough decisions. It is easier to stay in bed than get up to go to work or clean the house. Still, it makes our life easier in the long term. Think of this next time you have to decide on your favorite discomfort.

A ROCKY START

I’m not sure how your New Year started, but I decided to set mine up for a great start. Margie and I are usually so busy it feels we only see each other in passing. To this end, I booked a hotel getaway for us. Just one night, but that way we could relax without a care and enjoy each other. There was a nice restaurant we went to. The server was quite friendly and helpful. We went back to the hotel to enjoy the swimming pool and hot tub.

Seems like a nice end to the evening. At roughly 11:30 pm, Margie was in the hot tub and I was swimming in the deep end of the cold pool. If you know anything about us, this is opposite of what you should expect. I saw a quarter at the bottom of the pool and dove down for it. As I move my arm to swim, I heard a terrible sound that can only be described as meat being ripped off the bone. I knew exactly what it was. My shoulder had been ripped out of its socket.

After what Margie called “blood-curdling scream”, i made it out of the pool. We went up to the room so I could dry off and change as I didn’t want to go in wet swim trunks. I also gave myself a shot of cologne so I wouldn’t offend. I’ll spare you the events of trip other than it was painful. Throughout this, however, I was given several great gifts.

The first was the paramedics in the ambulance. Cyrus was the man helping me. I knew they were away from their families that night and I really appreciated their efforts to assist me. You might be thinking,  “that’s their job Neil.” You would be right, but without them, it would have been a long trip to the hospital.

The nurses and doctor made sure to get me what I needed and knocked me out to put my shoulder back in place. My mother came in the wee hours of the morning to take us back to the hotel. Throughout that night, and the following morning at the breakfast buffet at the hotel, my beautiful lady was so helpful.

The point of this is that even though I was in some intense pain, and it rather ruined our calm getaway for the new year, there were so many gifts around me. The amazing medical staff, my mother and of course my beautiful lady who continues to be such a great help. In our darkest hours, it always helps to focus on the light. There will be weeks of rehab ahead and I’m going to do my best to show appreciation to those who are there for me!

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE GAINS

This weekend as many of us ponder what our New Year resolutions might be, let us frame them in a way that we focus on what we will gain. Want to quit a bad habit such as smoking? Don’t focus on ‘giving up’ cigarettes. Instead, focus on ‘gaining‘ freedom and fresh smelling clothes and better breathing and sense of taste.

Whenever making an adjustment, whether that is a healthy diet, a calm mind or anything else we are looking to accomplish, I suggest focusing on adding a positive instead of eliminating a negative. Social media is a great example of this. Many people say it is too negative. They begin to try to eliminate negative people and sources. Not a bad plan. By simply adding more positive ones, the likelihood they will see negative decreases. This is the same way life works.

Think of healthy eating. If you add eating one healthy meal a day, your stomach will have less room for junk. If you spend more time with positive people, that’s less time you can spend with negative people. Focus on the gains this coming year!

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!🦸‍♂️

When I was young, I liked the cartoon Mighty Mouse. He would swoop in at the last second with his favors cry, “Here I come to save the day!” After which, he would pretty much do just that. Growing up, that’s what I wanted to be. That’s why I always worked to be the best at whatever I did. I recall winning an award for being Milwaukee’s best bartender. That was cool. I won the ‘Friendliest person in Greendale’ award… twice. Also very nice. Came with a little plaque and flowers. Nominated for best Milwaukee author. That was an honor.

All those were great, but I failed to recognize what all these were a part of. It is the greatest award that any of us pursue, and none of us will be officially recognized for. Sounds great, doesn’t it? That is being the best version of ourselves. It is an award we will chase daily. Sometimes we will come close. We will not get a plaque or flowers. Nobody will hand us a trophy. What we will get is something even more priceless. We will have peace in our mind and our heart knowing that we did the best we could. As they say, an honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind.

The reverse is also true. When we don’t give it our all. When we cut corners. Perhaps we even cheated to get ahead or were dishonest. Yes, we may accomplish the immediate results, but at what cost? That knowledge will continue to eat away at our soul until there is nothing left.

I tip my hat to those brave souls who battle to be their best everyday. Not for recognition or rewards, but for the virtue of it. For the peace of mind and for the example it sets for future generations. Those are the true super heroes. Those are the people who will truly come to save the day.

TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO DIED 💀

As most of you know, I had open-heart surgery in 2022 and had a brief flirtation with death. Grateful it was only brief, but it could have been permanent. At that point, there wasn’t much i could do. The time before the surgery was a different story

I cannot assume that you have read my book, The Beat Goes On. That is the whole story of my surgery and life after death. Rather entertaining read if I say so myself. The time from when I was told I need surgery to the actual surgery itself was 2 months. That is a long time when it comes to anxiety, but a quite short time when it comes to accomplishing everything you want to do before you die.

Sitting next to this lovely lady in the movie theater, this became abundantly clear. What if I didn’t make it through surgery? What if, in these 2 months, I had to show her how much I care? How do you give someone a lifetime of love in 2 months? How do you celebrate your last Thanksgiving? Your last Christmas or ring in what could be your last New Year? You start to realize how fleeting life can be!

In a world of smart phones, watches and even rings, I think the device that best demonstrates what we are talking about here is the hourglass. The sand always goes from the top to the bottom. It slowly runs out, never going backwards. That is much like our life. It is constantly getting less and less. You will have less of it by the time you finish reading this post!

Now imagine you could not see how much sand is left in the top of the hourglass. You just new it was less and less by the second. Oh, you could guess based on the size of the hourglass, the thickness of the sand and other factors. What you would end up with us speculation at best. It could be a large hourglass with only a few grains of sand left. It could be a small hourglass packed with sand.

Our life is like that. We don’t know how much sand is left in our hourglass. All we know is that it is constantly running out. We can affect the rate to a certain degree by staying safe and healthy, but there are still factors beyond our control.

All of this to say is you don’t have time! Chase that dream now. Tell that person you love them now. As a person who had to stare down the possibility of death, and briefly experience it, let me assure you life is shorter than you think.