Tag: Neil Panoisan

TIME TO PREPARE! ⚔️

Last post we discussed the importance of having fortifications of positivity in your life. If you did not read that post, I cannot stress enough the importance of doing so. In this post we are going to talk about winning the toughest war you have, the one in your own head. It is composed of many different battles. It is also a war without end. This may sound rather fatalistic, but that does not make it any less true. As with so many things in life, such as our diet and our fitness, we do not ever have them ‘handled’. Even if we get to a state of satisfaction with these areas, if we stop working on them they will not stay the same. If you get your body into great physical shape and then cease going to the gym or being physically active, your body will not stay in that state. After my heart surgery I can attest to that.

Here is the good news. Once you reach a state of accomplishment, it is easier to maintain than it was to get there. It his great book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu reminds us of the advantages of fighting from a higher elevation than our enemies. When you are climbing the hill in any journey it is difficult. That could be trying to get your weight under control. It could be reducing your stress. Climbing that hill is hard. Here is the good part, when you are on top of the hill, staying there is a lot easier than getting there.

You may be wondering what exactly is he getting at with all of this talk about fighting and wars. My life is not that bad. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers, said “Life is a fight for territory.” If you do not control your life and what it consists of, someone will be more than happy to do that for you. There is no greater example of this than what is in your own head. I am often asked, “How can you be so positive all of the time?” or “What can I do to be more positive like you?” Two great items to get to here.

First, if you want to be ‘positive like me’, know it is something that will take years and years of effort. Before you say to yourself, “That sounds way too difficult.” Ask yourself what is the alternative? Your thoughts create your emotions. Do you know what your emotions are? They are your life. In short, how you feel is your life. Can you have a good run of luck and still feel sad and lonely? Sure can. How many celebrities have all of the fame, fortune and followers you can imagine, yet commit suicide? Have you ever seen some of the poorest people in third world countries who seem to have a grin permanently affixed to their face? Of course we have. Life is truly an inner game. Without mastering your mind and emotions, you will be at the mercy of them, and of life in general.

I fought the uphill battle against my emotions. I fought against the negativity. I fought against the seasonal depression I suffer from. I fought against the sadness of losing loved ones. I fought against defeats in business and my career. Want to fight uphill? Become an independent author trying to sell as many books so you can reach as many souls as you can. When I started, I was fighting uphill. These emotions had a strategic advantage. They had been there my whole life and had established themselves. They were at the top of the mountain. Many times, they won the battle. I slipped into depression. I lost my temper. I felt defeated. I kept fighting. With every loss, I learned. Eventually, I found myself winning battles and climbing that mountain.

Now I find myself at the top of the mountain in this area, so to speak. Does that mean I am positive all of the time? No. If you do not believe that, ask my lovely lady Margie. She will definitely tell you I have my dark moments. What it does mean is that those moments are now fighting uphill to defeat me, instead of the other way around. With the tools and strategies I have learned climbing the hill, I can usually fend them off with little or no damage. Do they knock me off the top every now and again? You bet. They say the wolf on top of the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. Sorry to use all of these cliches, but they do help paint a more accurate picture. These negative emotions, the depressing thoughts, the anger, they used to rule me. Now they want that power back.

It is said that those who lack power will fight to achieve it, and those who have power will fight to maintain it. The same holds true for the battle for your mind. Those negative emotions will be ever fighting to overpower you. Make sure they are fighting uphill. Last year, I released my third book and it was a flop. As an author, I had two successful books up to that point and felt like I was on the top of the mountain. I thought for sure the sharing of my recent health struggles and brief flirtation with death would really connect with people. I was wrong. What did those voices in my head start to tell me? “You are not a very good author.” “Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” “Nobody really cares about your journey.” For a while it knocked me off the top of the mountain. What it didn’t do was keep me there.

If you are fighting uphill at anything in life right now, know that you will have to take some defeats along the way. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are climbing the hill. It means you have more to learn. Also know, when you get to the top of the hill it will be easier, but it will not be over. In the example of my third book failing to connect as I had hoped, I had tools and strategies that picked me up and helped me continue to fight. I had friends that encouraged me with what they enjoyed about my writing. I had my beautiful lady who not only literally picked me up when I was down, but fights along side of me. I have the very tools and strategies I wrote about in my first two books and talk about in the third that helped me survive death. They certainly can help me get back to the top of the mountain again.

In your own life, the time to prepare and conquer your mindset is now. Fight those inner demons. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Once you are on the top of the mountain, it will be easier. You will be able to not become stressed when things do not go your way. You will be able to maintain an attitude of gratitude (which is a great tool by the way) even in times of struggle. You will become your own hero.

ONE THING YOUR LIFE NEEDS RIGHT NOW! 😳

One thing that really drives me to the edge of insanity is people who are gifted the tools and strategies to positively transform their lives, but leave them back in the toolshed, so to speak. There is no sense of urgency. Maybe they are too far entrenched in their comfort zone. Their life is not ‘bad enough’ to propel them to take any action. There are some people who tell me that they tried some self-improvement strategies when their life was going south a while back and it didn’t work.

Many people hear some of what I have to say and falsely assume that I advocate to stick your head in the sand and ignore all of the negative aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know life can be hard some days. A few years back I appeared on the local show Positively Milwaukee. The episode is on YouTube, I will leave the link below if you are interested in watching the episode. At one point, the host, Carole Meekins, asked a very poignant question. Why should people take action on improving their lives? Especially if they are ‘ok’ at the moment. My answer was also a question. When is the best time to learn to swim, on the shore or when the boat is sinking?

Some people failed to grasp the intensity of that question. Maybe they just figured they would stay out of the water? I am not really sure. While driving to write today, another, and perhaps more apt, analogy occurred to me. We need what is pictured in the two pictures above. The great wall of China? A castle? Yes and no. What we need is fortifications. Have you ever felt like life was attacking you? Things were tough at the office. You drove home and had car trouble. You finally get home only to discover things are also tough at home. Throw in a sickness or medical problem you are dealing with just for good measure. It can feel like you are being attacked on several different fronts.

Let me ask you a question. It the midst of all of this chaos, are you likely to sit down with a cupcake and this great book and say to yourself, “Let me see what I can do to lower my stress?” No. You are going to have to address the attacks you are in the middle of. Can we all agree at some point life will attack us? That the examples above, or a million others, could happen at any time? I think we can. What would a great king or queen do if they knew their kingdom was going to be attacked? They did not know when, but they knew the attack was coming. What would they do? They would prepare! How? By setting up some fortifications. Like the great wall of China, or a castle.

In our life, these fortifications are the tools and strategies we have in place for the fight we know is coming. They are self-care tools. They are stress-reduction strategies. Lists of songs and movies that make us happy. They are making sure our physical body is in top shape to withstand the stress we will put it under. If you are going to try and fend off an attacker, would you not want the best fortification you can? Think of the story of the three little pigs. They each had a house to hide from the big bad wolf. One built it of straw. Probably quick and easy. The big bad wolf enjoyed some bacon that morning. The next pig built one of sticks. A little more time and effort. Still, the wolf had some pork chops for lunch. The third pig build one of bricks. Invested a little more time and effort, probably while the other pigs were enjoying a roll in the mud. When the wolf came knocking, he could prop up his hoofs and not let it affect him.

The best time to be able to prepare for the fight that is coming in all of our lives, is to fortify our kingdom now. What is our kingdom? It is our mental and physical well-being. It is our stress level. It is also our relationship, our family and our friendships. That is why it is so urgent that we take steps to live an amazing life as soon as we can. We don’t want to be looking for shelter when we are under attack. No, we want to be well protected when the enemy arrives at our door.

WATCH THE EPISODE OF POSITIVELY MILWAUKEE I WAS ON!😀

IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL 🛂

Here is something that is simple to understand, but far from easy to do. That is not to let outside circumstances and people control your emotions. This is more difficult the closer the people are to you. The more they mean to you, the more emotional reaction they can cause you to experience. That is, only if you let them. I am not advocating you become an unfeeling zombie. Far from it. What I am advocating is to not only control, but choose what emotions you feel.

If you are one of the 95% of people who go through life without taking a look inwards, this concept that you have any control of your emotions may seem foreign to you. Here is the truth. What you feel depends on the meaning you assign to someone’s behavior or words. If a stranger walks up and tells you they do not like you, it may bother you but beyond that you will go about your day. If a good friend tells you the same thing, it has a far greater impact. The emotion you choose in response to that will dictate your behavior, which will go a long way to deciding the fate of not only that interaction, but the life of the friendship.

This becomes even more difficult when the person’s behavior is down right disrespectful. Even then, you have the option, as Sun Tzu so plainly put it, to respond intelligently. You may ask what some man named after a star has anything to do with your life. Sun Tzu wrote the amazing book, The Art of War. It not only has timeless advice for military combat, but can be applied to your business and personal life as well.

When you pause and choose how to respond to a situation, you take control of that situation. In the case of our friend telling us they do not like us, we can choose several ways to respond. We can be defensive and inform them that we no longer like them. We may even go on to list their faults and how we feel we are better than them. That is responding from a place of hurt and anger. It will not only do little to solve the original complaint our friend may have, we have now widened the chasm between our hearts. If we are interested in maintaining this friendship, it would serve us far better to respond with a genuine caring and inquisitive question about what made our friend change their mind about our relation. We not only may preserve the friendship, we may also make room for it to grow and become closer. As an added bonus, we may learn something about ourselves.

I am not a fool to think that this is an easy process. I still struggle with it on occasion as well. What we must understand is that when we allow someone to affect us emotionally, we, in effect, become their servant and they become our master. We relinquish control of the situation and the repercussions that will result. A far wiser and more intelligent response would be to consider what outcome you wish for the situation. Another question to ask yourself is the effects of the negative emotions on our mental and physical well-being worth handing over control to our emotions? As I said in the beginning of this post, it is not easy. We need tools and strategies, many of which can be found in the articles on this website, to help us gain control. The price we will pay to do that will be well worth it.

“NO”VEMBER 🚫

As our calendars flip over to November, let us take advantage of the first two letters of the month. What do we need to say “No” to more in our lives? What do we do that steals our joy and robs us of living an amazing life? Is it getting stressed on our morning commute? Say “No!” to that. How? Maybe by bringing an audio book, or our happy playlist along while we drive. If you are not sure what that is, feel free to check out either of my first two books for a better explanation. Is it going to a job that steals our soul? Say “No!” to that. How? Either by finally leaving that job to find something more aligned with your purpose, or maybe finding things to be grateful for at work to focus on.

This month, ask yourself, “What should I being saying “No” to more in my life?” Once you figure out what that is, you can begin to think of ways in which you can do so. Make it fun. Make it a game. Enjoy the process and know for sure that you will enjoy the results!

ONE WORD THAT MAKES ALL OF THE OTHER WORDS BETTER ☝️

Have you ever had something you really wanted to do, but life kept getting in the way? That is the story of this post. The idea came to me at work a few days ago. The more I let it bounce around in my head, the more I realized how important it was to living an amazing life. I could not wait to sit down behind the keyboard and put my thoughts together. Then, life happened. There was a DJ gig for elementary school children. That was two straight hours of screaming. There was checking in on someone’s cat in a snowstorm. FYI, I am not a fan of cats or snowstorms. It seemed like every time I wanted to sit down and write, something came up.

Today, I determined that after my 9 hour shift, I was going to stop at a coffee shop on the way home and get these words out today. Only to discover that the Wi-Fi at the coffee shop was not working with my computer. Ironically, this plays into the very subject that we are going to discuss today. As the title says, one word to make all of the other words better.

It began with a text conversation I was having with this lovely lady right here. Margie and I have a really great relationship, but just like everyone else’s, it needs looking after and requires a lot of work and effort on both of our behalf. This particular morning, I was mentioning that we could stand to focus more on a certain area that was getting slightly neglected. Margie agreed, and we began to come up with solutions to do just that. I began to think of what are the aspects of a relationship. You have friendship. You must be able to be your partner’s best friend and all that goes with that. There is romance. You must find ways in which to capture their heart and make them feel like they are floating. Lastly, there is sensuality. That is what separates a romantic relationship from a platonic one.

The crazy part of having a successful relationship is that one of these areas always seems to need a little attention. If you have been supporting your partner, trying to places for dinner and exploring new museums together, the friendship side feels pretty strong. Then your partner asks if you still love them? Your first thought may be, “What the —–?” Before you realize that all of those things, while enjoyable, were quite platonic. So, you become diligent with expressing your loving feelings, maybe even brought home some flowers and spent hours walking in the park holding hands. You are starting to feel confident when you partner asks, “Are you still attracted to me?” You realize that although you have been loving, you need to be more sensual. You plan a weekend a weekend getaway, a nice bottle of wine and some alone time in bed with the two of you. After a pleasurably exhausting weekend, you partner asks if the two of you should spend more time working on your connection, by say exploring new places to eat or museums together.

It occurred to me how much an ideal relationship is a balancing act. Yes, balance is the word that makes every word better. When you pay attention to one aspect of your relationship, another gets less attention. When you start to pay more attention to the one that is being neglected, then a third pops up, and so it continues. We need to discover what are the important areas of our relationship and work on providing balance to them. Often, when one person in a relationship feels unhappy or even unsatisfied, it is not that anything is wrong, it may often just be unbalanced.

You could literally go through the dictionary and pick out a word and discover the important balance needed in a relationship. Let us take communication. To me, that is one of, if not the, most important aspects of a relationship. There must be many balances in communication. You must communicate your love in both verbal and not verbal ways. You must balance what kind of communication you are giving your partner. Is it loving? Is it supportive? Is it encouraging? I think we could all agree a little of all of those would make a great relationship.

While reading this, and even while I was thinking of it, the fact that there is a lot of work involved here did not escape me. Do you know what that means? There is also a lot of opportunity to make your relationship better! Even if it is great right now, there are ways in which you could use a little more balance. In what areas could your relationship use a little more balance? Can you imagine how much more loving and strong your relationship would be if you worked on creating that balance?

STAY AWAKE! 😴

The week is drawing to a close. Our thoughts may be drifting on our plans for the weekend. The focus we started the week with may have been replaced by the countless fires that cropped up that needing attending to. We may have been lulled into distraction by the many entertainment options offered to us after a hard days work. It is at this very point that we need to take a step back, a deep breath and refocus. While work can demand a great deal of our attention during the week, we cannot sacrifice our quest for self-improvement, our desire to become the best version of ourselves and live a positive and rewarding life.

This picture reminds us of the cost of not remaining focused. While we may have said we were committed to eating healthy during the week, time may have us grabbing that Big Mac. Thinking we are spending 4 dollars, when really we are giving away a piece of our health. Same with binge watching Netflix for hours instead of completing that project. The stress of still having to do it, along with the knowledge that we are not as self-disciplined as we should be. Have we read, researched or even listened to something motivational and inspirational online or did we just scroll to see what betty and Jim happen to be posting on Social Media?

It is Thursday and a lot of us are starting to get warn out from the work week. I get that. Take some time for self-care and recharging the battery. We need that to give us the energy to push forward. What we cannot afford to do, is become slaves to the distractions that seek to deprive us of the rich and rewarding life that we all deserve. Take some time to relax and enjoy life. Just remember to keep working towards the bigger picture of the life we desire and deserve. Everything is better when you earn it.

A NEW FRIEND, A GREAT CAUSE 🔥

Last post, I spoke about Margie and I recently attending a Pow Wow. We further discussed the great sense of community and I told you that we made a new friend who represented a great cause. Today, I would like to share a little bit more with you about that cause and how you can help, if you would like.

The cause is called HIR Wellness (Healing Intergenerational Roots). Their website says that they are “Providing the next generation of care to victims of crime through a survivor and women-led organization.” This is huge. Victims of domestic crime and violence can face an intimidating, and often frightening, road to recovery. This can include having to go through people who often resemble those who committed the very crimes they are doing their best to heal from. Having an organization run not only by women, but by survivors themselves, can lend a feeling of safety and understanding for those seeking help.

We met our new friend Averie, who is the community outreach and stewaredship specialist, at one of HIR Wellness’s CAMPsites. This stands for ‘Community Activated Medicine’. At these campsites, they provide many different services. Including, but not limited to, Wellness-checks, social, emotional and grief support and culturally responsive healing-informed practices. They also teach coping skills and healing interventions and offer triage for more urgent needs or concerns at these CAMPsites as well. By bringing licensed mental health and trained wellness providers, community healers and advocates to shared community spaces, they are helping to overcome many of the obstacles that prevent those who need care the most from getting it. This can range from living in an under-served area to transportation issues.

We have only begun to touch on the amazing work that HIR Wellness does. There is so much more. This includes their virtual work, their healing podcasts and many other services they offer to victims of domestic crime and violence. I cannot encourage you enough to click on the link below to go to their website and learn more about this amazing organization, and more to the point, how you can help support them. If you know of someone who could use their support or services, please share this information with them. Feel free to share this post on your social media and help to get the word out as well. Thank you so much for joining me in bringing to light a very important resource for those in need.

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIR WELLNESS AND HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT THEM

REFRESH YOUR SOUL📿✝️🕎☪️

Here at Secret2anamazinglife, we focus a lot on self-care. The reason being is that by taking care of ourselves, we put ourselves in the best position to take care of others and the world at large. In addition, by practicing self-care, we are far more likely to become the best version of who we are. This includes taking care of our physical bodies through diet and exercise. This gives us the energy and vitality to pursue our goals and dreams. It involves taking care of our minds. Keeping our intellect sharp, and constantly developing, will position us to grow and contribute more. There is one more area that we need to focus on. This area will not only give us energy like our physical body can, it will also help us reduce stress and increase inner peace. This will allow us to grow and develop and help safeguard our mind.

What is this area? This area is that our our soul, our spirit. It is important to take care of the fire that burns inside of you. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The only right is to do it. The only wrong thing is to not do it. For some of you, this may be rituals involving your faith. For others, it may be connecting with certain people. Some may find that spiritual connection in the woods. Some may find it in all of these. I would like to share one of the ways in which I refresh my spirit.

This past weekend I attended the Hunting Moon Pow Wow. For those of you who may not be familiar with what a pow wow is, allow me to explain. A pow wow is a gathering of Indigenous people that allows them to share traditions, celebrate their culture and honor their ancestors. It has a great sense of community and many people look forward to seeing each other at these events. There are drumming and dancing competitions as well as moments honoring veterans and an invocation blessing all of those in attendance. They used to have several where I live, but now are down to this one a year.

One of the best ways to really feed your soul is to do this with others. That is why many religions gather in groups. Being surrounded by others also looking to feed their soul only amplifies the effect it has on everyone. I am so lucky to be able to share this event with the love of my life, the beautiful Margie. Doing this together brings so much joy and happiness to my soul, it is hard to even convey it in words. Not only to a feel ‘spiritually refreshed’ for lack of a better description, but it strengthens the love I feel for her. We tend to meet and make friends with many new people. During grand entry, which is when the dancers enter the arena, we sat next to a very nice family and shared some stories. We also met a very helpful lady who runs a great charity. More about that next post. All in all, we left feeling very happy and also very full from the amazing food.

Today, make taking care of your spirit and your soul part of your routine. Whether that is reading from a spiritual book that speaks to you, attending gatherings of faith, prayer or meditation of your faith or a day at the beach or in the woods, take care of your spiritual side today. Without doing so, you will not be the best version of you. By doing so, you will be able to do everything better.

WE CAN CHANGE THIS!🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

Today is Monday. It is a day of dread for many. Back to work after 2 days worth of freedom. The beginning of the workweek. Which, for many of us, includes spending a large amount of time at a place we don’t really enjoy, with people we also do not enjoy. Considering all of this, it is no wonder we start to get that feeling in the pit of our stomach on Sunday night, knowing what will happen once the sun rises. (or in my case, before the sun rises)

Here is the thing – Monday is no different than many other days. While it is true that it is the beginning of the workweek and having to wake up to an alarm, it is also the beginning of the opportunity to start earning money to put towards that vacation. It is also a chance for us to demonstrate our character and work ethic. When I say this, I am not talking about showing off, or sucking up to a boss or coworkers. No, I am talking about demonstrating our character to both ourselves and those whose opinions we value.

Every morning we overcome the temptation to throw the alarm clock across the room and bury ourselves further in the covers, we are demonstrating a certain amount of character and self-discipline. When we push ourselves to not only show up at work, but do a job that we are proud of, that gives us a self of pride. What does that pride do for us? It gives us a sense of self-confidence, which in turn will make the self-discipline easier in the future.

We would not be able to build our character, build our self-discipline and our sense of inner-pride without the challenge of Monday. It boils down to a change in perception. If we lived a life of sloth and convenience, which does sound tempting on occasion, we would be weak individuals unable to withstand the storms of life. Much like going to the gym to strengthen our bodies, waking up to Monday helps us to strengthen our mental and morale fiber.

Do not fear or dread Monday. Understand it is a chance to get better, to get stronger and to create the best version of you. It takes resistance to grow strength. That is as true when it comes to your character and self-discipline as it is for your body. Monday is not the scary villain, it is our personal trainer for our self-discipline and inner-strength. The payoff is not muscles, it is something more powerful. By using Monday, instead of letting it use us, we develop pride, self-confidence and the ability to rise above who we currently are.

BOY, THAT’S SWEET! 🍨

Today, at least in part of the country, we celebrate Sweetest Day. It is a holiday that started in Ohio in 1921. It was started as a way to encourage women to treat their male romantic partners with sweets and candy. This really wouldn’t work in my case as I am not a huge fan of sweets and candy. This is a good thing when you live with a woman who is an amazing baker. I fear if I was a big fan, I would be bigger than my house right now. The holiday has expanded in recent years to include showing love and appreciation to anyone in your life. This includes family, friends as well as significant others.

I am going to take it one step further. I think we should show love and appreciation for everything sweet in our life. Right now, I am sitting in the sun, with a nice cup of coffee typing away. To me, this is a very sweet situation. I was recently asked to speak in front of a congregation for a church I do not even attend. That was also pretty sweet. I have a job that pays me a pretty good wage. Not exactly what I want to be doing, but still it is pretty sweet that I am employed. I have great friends that care about me. I have three books that I can use to reach and inspire people I do not even know. This particular blog is viewed by over 100,000 people in over 200 countries. That is sweet!

Many people just cynically say things like, “Oh, that is just a Hallmark holiday.” As a note, although the holiday started in 1921, Hallmark did not start making Sweetest Day cards until the 1960s. I am sure confectionaries and floral shops have a vested interest in keeping holidays like this alive, but who cares? Instead of dismissing something as an example of corporate greed, why not put it to use in our own lives? Why not use this holiday to fill our lives with more joy and love?

Here is another way to do so. In addition to thinking of all the things that may be sweet in your life, how about thinking of how many different ways things are sweet? Above are pictures of my beautiful lady, Margie. How many ways is she sweet? In addition to the fact that she is often covered in powdered sugar from baking, there are so many ways she is sweet. The first picture is of her sweet smile. It always melts my heart and brings a smile to it as well. The second is one of the million silly faces she makes. Not only does she always look cute as can be, but I am happy she shares them with me. That is quite sweet! The third one reminds me of her sweet kisses. Some of the best medicine that money can’t even buy! Sweeter kisses? I don’t know of any. The fourth and last picture is of her after one of her tough workouts that she does. Keeping herself healthy and working hard on herself? That is sweet indeed! Those were just 4 things about my amazing lady. I would share more, but I am already going to be in trouble for posting these four pictures. There are so many sweet things about her, I could go on for hours. That, in and of itself, is something sweet!

It doesn’t have to be your significant other. It can be your child, your friend. It can be a coworker or someone who means a lot to you. Here is the great thing, it doesn’t even have to be a person! It can be your favorite place to relax. It can be a park or beach you really like. It can be your favorite book. It can be your favorite coffee. There are so many things in life that are sweet. If we think about even a few of them and ponder what we love and appreciate about them, guess how we will be feeling? You guessed it, pretty sweet! I would love to hear some of what you find sweet in your life! Forget the cynical view of a Hallmark holiday. Use this to fill your heart with love, appreciation and gratitude!