Tag: Neil Panoisan

DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!

It has happened to all of us. Some less-than-thoughtful person says, or does, something to ruin our day. Maybe it is something particularly unnerving that sticks with us. I know that is something yours truly is working on. It can set the tone for your entire day. Here is a hard truth – it shouldn’t. Each person, each interaction, should be viewed as a clean slate. We should give each person a fresh opportunity. This is done not only to benefit those we interact with, but ourselves as well. If you let that bad experience fester, it can really drive you crazy. Trust me, it is something that I know all too well.

That creates the question, how do we start fresh with each person? By seeing them for what they are, a new adventure to discover and unfold. Even the same person who is always negative can transform through some life epiphany. The odds may play against that, but it can happen. I have a lady at my day job who is like that. Let us call her “Michelle”. Whenever I have cause to interact with this young lady, there are a few things I do. First, I guard my energy because she is an emotional vampire who can suck the joy out of you. Then, I remember it is an opportunity to try and influence her energy instead of the other way around. Then, I do my best to remember that anyone can change. Even those who have been the same for years.

Just like wearing garlic for regular vampires, you must protect your energy with emotional vampires as well. Use the steps above. If you are feeling a bit down, be that physically or emotionally, do your best to avoid them. When you do interact with them, remember to give them opportunities to change their ways. If they do, encourage them by reacting positively. If they do not, be grateful that you are not the same. I also find viewing it like an emotional day at the gym. When we work out physically, we encounter resistance. It is always work, and seldom fun. Yet, we leave the gym feeling stronger and as a slightly better version of ourselves.

Just remember these important things when encountering sunshine-challenged people. First, protect your own energy. You can do this in many different ways. Use the one that speaks to you. Do not forget to give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyone can change at any time. If they have not, view it as an emotional workout. Let it strengthen your ability to remain positive in the face of negativity.

THE BEST MOTIVATION 💪

This gent is Jocko Willink. One of the people I listen to for strategy and tools for improving myself. As a former Navy Seal, he has learned some valuable lessons. His book, Discipline Equals Freedom, is a must read for anyone looking to take charge of their life. He also has some very helpful YouTube videos I would recommend checking out. It was in one of these very videos that I got the idea for today’s post. In the video, Jocko discusses people’s need for constant motivation. Personally, I surround myself with as many motivating tools as I can. From pictures to playlists, I do my best to always have something motivating at arm’s length. It is so easy to slip, that I think we could always use a helping hand.

The point of his video was that he did not like what the words ‘self-improvement’, ‘self-help’ and ‘motivation’ have come to mean. In today’s world, rather than spend time working on themselves, people spend that time looking for a hack, or quick fix that requires very little effort. The time they spent looking for this hack, could have been spent in diligent effort on long-lasting improvement. When he came to the word ‘motivation’ that’s when something clicked. He mentioned that people think this means having someone acting as a cheerleader or standing behind them yelling at them to push forward. That is not at all what it means.

If you take the word ‘motivation’ apart, it means to find, or have, a motive. In other words, knowing your ‘why’. I heard a saying once that the difference between a warrior and a soldier is that a soldier fights because he hates who is front of him, but a warrior fights because he loves who is behind him. When you are reminded why you started your goal in the first place, and what you have to lose if you fail to achieve it, that is the best motivation. When you are working out, if you think of how important it is to be healthy to be around for those you love and who depend on you, it will be a lot easier to do that extra rep.

In addition to that playlist you have in your phone, on top of that speech you listen to in order to get fired up, remember to discover your motive. This will keep you going when all else fails.

YOU JUST MIGHT BE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MIRACLE 🙏

Have you ever been in a situation where you seem like you just can’t take any more? We all have. You are hoping for that miracle. It could be to land that job, to win the affection of that certain someone. It might be you are wishing for a miracle healing for yourself, or a loved one. Then, the job goes to someone else. The person you like ends up having feelings for the other gender. The doctor report comes back with more bad news. It can leave you with a feeling of hopelessness. You may find yourself asking questions like, “Why me?” You have been an upstanding individual. You have been treating everyone with kindness. Why is life so difficult for you. In some cases, you may even look at the good fortune of those who you feel may not be as enlightened as yourself and wonder how fair the universe is really being.

Sometimes we are delivered from the fires of life. That is easy to recognize as a miracle. When things go how we want them to, and when we want them to, it is indeed a miracle. If things always happened this way, we would have a life of ease. This may sound like quite the miracle, but it would make us one weak person. When we feel like instead of being delivered from the fire, we are being thrown in it, we might just being fireproofed. It is rarely fun, but resistance builds strength. This is as true in life as it is in the gym. When we go through the fires of life, we are being forged into a stronger and more resilient version of ourselves.

In life, we all want the quick miracle, the quick fix. We want the job. We want the love and the healing. When we don’t get it, we cease to believe in miracles. Worse yet, many of us begin to view the world as a cruel place. This can be very dangerous. Albert Einstein, one of the smartest people to exist, was asked what the most important question to ask was. His answer? “Is the Universe a friendly place?” The reason this is so important is because it will dictate our attitude and actions towards living our life. Shakespeare, a rather brilliant writer, also weighed in on the subject saying, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” In other words, it is more about how we look at the situation than the fact themselves that determine if it is good or bad.

THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS 😃

The secret to happiness? That is a bold statement. Especially considering that happiness is different for everyone. Yet, there is a universal way to bring happiness into your life no matter who you are, or what makes you happy. Even better than that, the more you do this, the more happiness it will bring in your life! Is it swimming with pigs in the ocean like in the picture above? I recently did that on my trip to the Bahamas. It was fun, but not necessarily everyone’s secret to happiness. It is a clue as to what that secret is though.

I mentioned that I swam with pigs in the Bahamas. It happened on a trip that I took my beautiful lady on for her birthday. She had mentioned really wanting to go there, and I wanted to make her dream come true. She also thought swimming with the pigs sounded fun, so I had to find a way to add that as well. As you can see in her amazing smile, she was very happy. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Taking your lady on a trip to swim with the pigs in the Bahamas? Not exactly, but yes.

Bringing joy to the lives of others, especially those you really care about, is the secret to happiness. I am going to tell you why. From a scientific standpoint, studies show doing kind things for others activates the reward centers in our brain. Doing this takes our mind off of our own worries. Knowing that you brought joy to another can, and should, give you a feeling of accomplishment. That is a goal worth aspiring to and accomplishing. In today’s world, being a giver of joy is priceless. Others value someone who can give them a feeling of positivity.

You can certainly walk around doing random act of kindness and that will add joy. Do you want to do this more effectively and see quicker and more intense results? Then you need one additional skill – active listening. To listen actively means that you listen for a purpose. Like to find what would bring the biggest smile to someone’s face. In the case of my lovely Margie, that was hearing her express her desire to go to the Bahamas, and to swim with pigs. It doesn’t have to be something so grand. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be something they enjoy. This works really well if you have someone who complains a good deal. Let me explain.

When you are actively listening to discover what you can do to bring joy to someone’s life, there are two things to pay attention to. First, is rather obvious. Look for what they say they want/like. This could be wanting to try a certain restaurant or what flowers are their favorite. On the flip side, you can also listen for what they don’t like. When you hear these things, you can work on finding ways to help eliminate them. If you combine them, you have two powerful ways to bring joy to anyone. As a bonus, they will not only feel joy from the activity, but feel significant and valued because you listened to what was important to them.

I told you in the beginning of this post that the more you do this, the more happiness will fill your life. Here is why. Think what will happen the more you bring joy to someone’s life. How do you think they will view and treat you? When they see you, they will automatically feel joy just from your presence. They will want to return the favor as well. Nobody wants to feel like a taker. They will want to return that feeling of joy you give them. The more you do this for each other, the more it happens in return. Now imagine if you did this with as many people in your life as you could. This could include coworkers, retail people you encounter, store clerks, family, friends and even complete strangers. Not only will you be so busy trying to discover joy that you will have less time to focus on your worries, but you will have countless people focused on bringing you joy as well. Can you see how this could grow? The more we put out, the more we will get in return. It is like planting seeds of joy in others, allows us to harvest the joy in our own lives as well. Start planting as many seeds as you can, in as many gardens as you can, today!

BONUS DAY!!!

Everyone would love a bonus day in their lives, wouldn’t they? How many times do you look around at everything you have to do in life and wish you just had a few more hours in they day? For most of us, that is daily. Here is a trick question. If you did have a bonus day, what would you spend it focused on? Would it be accomplishing more? Would it be resting more? Would it be focused on just doing nothing? How about focusing on joy? On bliss?

Today is leap year. It has many of us thinking of a bonus day. That is not exactly how it is, but you get the idea. Here is a fact that we often overlook. Every day is a bonus day. There are so many things that could go sideways in life and in the world that every day we enjoy with those we love is a bonus day. This may sound metaphorical, but it is not. Who is to say who will be here tomorrow and who will not. Today we are, let us make the most of it. This will mean different things to different people. Maybe completing that household chore you have been working on forever will give you joy? Then, put some time in. Maybe you need to slow down and just enjoy a little time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty, just do that.

Let leap year serve as a reminder to us that every day is a bonus day. We are not promised tomorrow, but we have been given today. Let us make the most of this beautiful bonus day!

IF IT’S NOT OKAY, IT’S NOT THE END

Here is an important idea to remember. Things will be okay. This can be hard to accept or believe when we are facing difficult times. There are a million challenges that come to mind that can really try our resolve. Can you think of ones in your past that fit this description? For me, there are several that come to mind. My open-heart surgery and following trip to the hospital. People we care deeply for passing away. Car accidents, job losses. We have all had our share of very serious challenges, have we not?

Here is something to consider, you are reading this. Whatever challenge tried, and may have succeeded, in knocking you down, you are still here. Your record for facing challenges and to keep moving forward is 100%. We all have scars, we may have some pain, be it physical or emotional, that we carry with us, but we are here. That pain, and those challenges, often allow us to better relate to and comfort others going through something similar. It can give us a good story to share with and help inspire others. It can give us motivation that we have overcome a challenge. Eventually, and it may take a good amount of time, everything will be okay. Know that. Trust in that.

THE CHALLENGE OF VACATION, & MY LIFE’S MISSION 🏝

As I write this, it is my first day back from vacation. By the time you read this, it will be my first day back at work after vacation. If you would like to say a small prayer for me, that certainly would be fine. In all seriousness, there is always some interesting adjustments when you return. The idea you will not wake up to a nice space cleaned by someone else, that is disheartening. The fact nobody has cut up a buffet of fruit for you to choose from, or put out a wide selection of food to enjoy and you actually have to cook yourself, that is a little disappointing.

 

The real challenge, and the one that jumpstarted my writing career, is how to maintain that vacation mentality once you have returned to the working world. One of the reasons that this became my life mission, that is to discover how we can live a life that feels like a vacation, is due to a song lyric by the band Kiss. It is from the song Lick it Up. The lyric reads like this – “Don’t need to wait for an invitation/ you have to live like you’re on vacation.” It made me ponder how that was possible. How does one live like they are on vacation? After all, we all have jobs we have to go to in order to keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.

One of the ways we can move closer to this, is to establish what is different from a mentality standpoint between the two situations. Personally, one of the biggest is the lack of concern over responsibilities. You are not focused on paying the bills, cleaning the house or any other requirement you might have in your life. The other is the constant enjoyment over all of the food, drink, and people around you. It is the soaking in of the atmosphere. The ocean breeze, the sun, the palm trees, the scent of coconut from the sunscreen and the cocktails. Hard to have all of this when you are sitting in a cubicle, under florescent lights, smelling Bob in the cubicle next to you. Well, I am going to provide two little tricks I use that help me live my life like a vacation, no matter how Bob smells that day.

The first is something we talk about over and over on this site – gratitude. How can gratitude make you feel like you are living a vacation? Have you ever noticed how people who undergo a near death experience seem to enjoy life so much more? It is as if they got a peak at how precious and priceless life is that the rest of us take for granted. I certainly don’t advise putting yourself in a situation to have a near death experience. What I can tell you is to really appreciate what you have. Seeing people facing intense health challenges, or extreme financial challenges, can make us appreciate the fact we just have a cold or that we might be behind on one bill, verses something that could be so much worse. There are quite a few places in the world where war and political corruption have made the thought of just ‘having’ to wake up and go to work, a dream for many. If that seems like a stretch, to be grateful for things you dread, combine it with our second tool for living a life of vacation.

This tip can be a little bit of work, but it is fun work. Think of what comprises your ultimate vacation, and how you can get a little bit of that at home. Using the above example of a beach vacation, how can you create your own right at home? I live in Wisconsin where it is normally cold and gloomy. Therefore, I have a few little tools that help me go on a mini mental vacation. I have a ‘happy lamp’. It mimics sunlight and helps you feel uplifted. I have coconut essential oils that can be put in a diffuser, put in a bath or used in many other ways. I have tracks of ocean waves that I can close my eyes and listen to. I have tropical music channel I listen to. This engages many of the senses. Margie also makes a delicious jerk chicken! Create the atmosphere that feels like vacation.

Here is a little bonus item you can use as well. Start a vacation fund. Even if you can only deposit 5 dollars a week into it. Watch it build and know that you are getting ever closer. Investigate what places interest you. Maybe get brochures, or look at their website. You could buy a new swimsuit while you are waiting, or get your passport. Whatever little things will help the dream feel closer.

When you live a life that feels like a vacation, you help others do the same. Yes, we all might have to go to a job that doesn’t speak to our soul, but we can still have a life that makes our soul sing! Be grateful, surround yourself with the idea of vacation and give yourself something to look forward to by starting to save. You deserve a life that feels like a vacation. It is not as difficult as you may think.

THE BEST PRESENT YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS 🎁

Are you like me, one of those people who really like to get someone the perfect gift? Not necessarily the most expensive or lavish gift, but one that will be most appreciated. Do you spend countless hours thinking about what you know of the person and then combining that with what gift would fit that knowledge? It can be stressful and exhausting. This post will help relieve some of that stress and give you a gift that will be treasured by anyone you want to feel special. How can we do that without knowing the first thing about the person you are giving the gift to? By giving you a gift that is universally loved, extremely rare, and although it does not cost much from a financial aspect, it is priceless. Care to know what it is? Read on my friends.

As you read this, I will be on my way to this amazing location. It is the Warkwick Paradise Island, in the Bahamas. It was a gift to my lovely lady for her birthday. That is not the amazing present I am speaking of. Not sure about you, but I could not afford a trip to the Bahamas for everyone I know. Although it would probably be received quite well by most, it would not be universal as some strange people do not like the Caribbean. This means I am going to give you a gift that is not only enjoyed by more people than a trip to the Bahamas, but it more rare and priceless these days. Fear not, it is one you can afford. It comes at a cost, but not one in dollar terms.

The present I am talking about is just that…being present! Giving your attention to someone. Actively listening to what they say. That is listening to learn and understand and not just to reply. Does this sound like something that isn’t that special? Next time you are out anywhere take a look at the people around you. How many of them are locked in eye contact, soaking in every word the person opposite them is sharing? How many of them are not even looking at that person, and are instead staring at the device in their hand? Care to put a percentage on those?

This post is not to sound cynical, but to prove how rare and special being truly present for someone is. Distractions are everywhere. Using our devices and social media has shortened our attention span to one slightly longer than that of a squirrel. Stealing the love of my life away from our chaotic life to one of tranquil paradise will mean little if we are not giving each other our time. That gift is one that everyone appreciates. Knowing what you have to say is important to the other party, in fact knowing you are important to the other party, is something that will be appreciated by everyone. We all deserve this, but it is a gift that is becoming harder to find. I invite you to be the giver of this great gift.

Whether it is for a birthday, anniversary or just because you want them to feel special, give the gift of your presence. Not your physical presence, but your mind, body and soul to the moments you are spending with that individual. Not only will it be a great gift in the moment, it will strengthen your relationships and give you knowledge you can use to provide other great gifts in the future. The more you know, the more impactful in their lives you can be.

WAKE UP, OR GO BACK TO BED?🤔

It is the weekend, should we still be keeping self-improvement in mind? Fair question. Let me ask you this, which areas of your life would you like to improve? A lot of people view self-improvement as ‘fixing what is wrong with you’. That could not be further from the truth! It is, as the term states, improving yourself. Every area of our lives can always be improved. In my life I try to remain both happy and unsatisfied. I suggest you take that philosophy as well.

Take for example my relationship with this beautiful lady. Am I happy with it? For sure! Just the other morning she even had a cup of coffee waiting for me when I woke up! If that isn’t love, I do not know what is. Am I satisfied with it? Not in the slightest! There are so many ways in which we can improve our relationship. Our love, as fabulous as it is, can always be deeper and further reaching. Finding new ways to love the person you are with is the key to keeping a relationship fresh and loving. Our communication is the key to success, as it is in any relationship. The better that gets, the better the relationship will become.

There are 2 steps to taking your life to the next level. The first, as our first photo shows, is to wake up with a goal. If you do not know the purpose for getting out of bed, you likely will not achieve it. If your purpose is to work, pay bills and die, you will not live a very inspired life. Maybe you start the day with no purpose and just let the day ‘happen to you’. This is even worse! You will not live a very inspired or fulfilling life. You must have a purpose bigger than yourself. That goal can be ‘discovering more ways to add joy to your life and that of others’. It can be ‘finding new ways to love and show love in your relationships’, as we discussed above. Goals do not have to be about fixing something. They can be about taking something that is already great and taking it to the next level!

The second is to wake up with positive energy. Before you think this is impossible, let me assure you it is not. I get up at 4am Monday through Saturday. I also DJ until 1am on Sunday which makes a very short sleep opportunity. If there is anyone who might find waking up with joy a challenge it is the fellow writing this post. The key is setting up and taking control of your life. This means, having positive influences ready before you make it out the door. The outside world has plenty of interactions that are beyond our control, and many of them may not be that pleasant. That is why we must determine our day and not leave it up to chance. There are so many ways this can be accomplished. I will share a few of mine, and would love it if you would share any you have. The more we all have, the more likely our day is to be positive. I have a motivational day by day calendar. Each day it has a saying that will start your day with a positive thought. I have an app on my phone that sends motivational quotes. Each day I get a message that is motivational. How awesome is that? In addition, I fill my social media feed with as many positive sources as I can. These are just a few of the things you can do.

This weekend, set your days up to be successful! Find that purpose, or reason to get out of bed. Surround yourself with positive influences to affect your energy before the world has a chance to affect it. Do these simple 2 steps and your life will reach new levels! Don’t forget to share what you do to positively influence your energy every day.

NOT PUNISHMENT, PREPARATION ✊️

It is Friday, and it seems like we have been waiting forever for the weekend. What we should have been doing is preparing for it. What do I mean by that? When you find yourself in any situation where you are waiting for a goal, be that the weekend or a business of your own, use that time to prepare for its arrival. The weekend, for example, can often seem fleeting. Preparing to squeeze as much joy and life out of those 48 hours can make it that much mor enjoyable.

This doesn’t mean that you have to account for each and every second of time. That can often take some of the joy away from that time. What you can do is look forward to ever moment you get to spend. Find ways to be present. This is a key to slowing time down. We will dive deeper into that in a future post. Know that if you are too busy looking forward to the next thing, you will fail to fully appreciate the current thing. It can be a fine balance to walk, but one that makes all of the difference.

Often, the longer you have to prepare, the more amazing the goal is when you finally achieve it. It may allow something to occur to you that you had not thought of. It may allow you to be able to soak in and appreciate your accomplishment more than you would have if you had not had the time to prepare.

Does this really make that big of a difference? It just reminded me of a quick story I would like to share with you. It involves Rodney Dangerfield, who was one of the most popular comics of the 1980’s. He was in movies, on talk shows and performed in front of sold out crowds. He even owned his own night club. It was at this night club where our story takes place. Norm Macdonald, another comic was performing there when Rodney walked in. The crowd went so crazy, that Rodney had to tell of few jokes in the middle of Norm’s set to appease the crowd. After the night was over and the club was closing up, Norm approached Rodney who was having a cocktail at the bar. “Wow, you sure are popular. It must feel great to be so loved and successful.” Norm said. Rodney looked at him, slammed his drink and replied, “No, it sucks. It should have happened years ago.” Here is a man who was wildly successful but couldn’t enjoy it because it happened too late for his liking. Rodney died still bitter his success came too late instead of elated it came. He viewed the wait as a punishment and it ruined his entire life. Do not let that happen to you.