Tag: Neil Panoisan

THAT’S THE POWER OF LOVE! 🔋 ❤️

Today is uplifting Wednesday. It is a day filled with posts that encourage and give us that little bit of extra strength to make it through our journey. We are going to do things a little different today. I am going to share a little bit of my own personal journey. We will discuss how the growth happened, and what makes it continue to this day. It is my sincere hope that by doing this, many of you may take a look at your own journey and decide you can take your life to the next level as well.

A good portion of the people in my life currently have either come into my life, or became close to me in the last 10 years or so. As a result of this, they only know the current, or at least the last ten years, of the person I am. They somehow assume that I came out of the womb practicing and knowing the self-improvement tools and strategies that I use today. Although I have been in this field for over two decades, it really started to sink in roughly 12 years ago.

About that time, I was in a relationship of many years that was not healthy and honestly had probably ended long before it became official. Why? As is the case with all relationships, there was blame to go around. In reflection, judging my past self by the standards I have today, I was a terrible partner. At that point in my life, I was probably not even a very good friend or coworker. I was learning the tools of self-improvement, but my ego prevented me from putting a lot of them to use. It is impossible for us to make any change until we take an honest look in the mirror. This takes a lot of guts, ones I did not have at the time.

Two very important things occurred to change that. The first was a book I was reading – Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris. Not a self-improvement book at all, but a biography of Theodore Roosevelt. In it, I read about his father and some of the not so pleasant traits he had. I saw many of those traits in me. Good Ol’ Teddy’s journey too, was fraught with challenges that were not all that dissimilar to mine. He suffered from asthma as a young child. He also had many challenges where he had to build himself up on his own. That he did and he went on to become the leader of the free world, a hunter, explorer and many other things.

This inspired me. The “Hey, if he can do it, so can I!” way of thinking. Like I mentioned earlier, this was not a self-improvement book, but it really motivated me. I did the number one thing Tony Robbins recommends to change your life long before I heard him say it. That is, I raised my standards. It can be ok to be disgusted with what you see when you look in the mirror as long as you use that for motivation. I was sick of being anything less than the best version of me that I could be. At the time, I did not have many role models for what a good relationship should be, and my personal growth was so slow, that it wouldn’t have mattered much if I did. So, how did I manage to turn myself around and become, what I humbly say, is one of the hardest working men when it comes to relationships?

It all started with an argument with a lady with pink hair. I had met Margie months prior. We both happened to be coming out of relationships we had spent most of our lives in. One evening while we were hanging out as friends, endeavoring to get to know each other better, a disagreement occurred. When we are in a stressful state, we tend to revert to actions that are ingrained in us. This is what I did. If my memory serves, it turned out that I had a right to be upset. What I did not have a right to do, was communicate it the way that I did. I will never forget what the now love of my life told me. It was one simple line that changed my life forever. Was it a line from a romantic poem? Was it some sage advice passed down through the ages? No on both accounts. What she told me was the hard truth, and there was no denying it. She said, “Just because you are right, does not mean you can act like an asshole.” Doesn’t sound very life changing does it?

It was one of those moments, I don’t know if you ever had one, where you want to be upset at something someone said to you, but there is one problem – it is true. It was this moment, as well as many that followed, that Margie has held me accountable. Not to her expectations of me, but to the standards I have set for myself and our relationship. That is one of the great secrets of personal growth. Make sure the standards you have for yourself are higher than any outside expectation.

Not long after Margie and I got together, I recall sitting at a beer garden with my mother talking endlessly about this new, amazing woman in my life. In one of those moments of parental wisdom, my mother calmly informed me, “You know you will have a lot more arguments with Margie, but they will be a lot more productive.” She never could have guessed how right she would be. Not only has Margie held me accountable for the standards we have set for our relationship, and those I have set for myself, she has done something equally as amazing. Throughout our years together, I have watched her grow both in beauty and as a person. The more time goes by, the more amazing she becomes. I know the only way to not only keep a woman like that but, more importantly keep her happy, is to work equally hard on myself and our relationship. There is not a day that goes by where I am not working on something to increase the love between us and to become the best version of myself. Having an outstanding woman such as her in my life makes me want to be a better man and pushes me to do it now. That, my friends, is the power of love. Huey Lewis would be proud.

I hope this story has conveyed two very important points. First, no change can happen unless you are willing to take a long, hard, honest look in the mirror and identify what you will no longer tolerate in yourself and your character. That means no more making excuses. It means being painfully honest with yourself. This isn’t beating yourself up. In fact, it should excite you knowing that from this day forward you will continue to become a better version of yourself. This will help every relationship you have in your life. Not just your romantic one.

Speaking of relationships, that brings us to our second point. In any relationship, but most importantly your romantic ones, you should always strive to have personal standards that exceed any outside expectations. That includes both for the relationship as well as for yourself. It also means having a partner that knows those standards and is working on growth themselves. It means feeling gratitude and value for that amazing person in your life that makes you want to work harder. We are going to get into tools and strategies for doing that in our next post. These two items changed my life, and I promise they will do that same for you if you are brave enough to undertake them.

SUFFER LESS😬

This really is one of the secrets to living an amazing life. Not to spend too much energy on things we cannot control. Instead of worrying about whether someone likes you or not, spend more time on making yourself the best you can be. That way, if anyone doesn’t like you, it is more about them than about you. Most of have heard the saying, “I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.” Here is one to consider. You could be the best cup of tea ever, and there will still be people who don’t like tea. I am a coffee person myself. That is to say, you could be amazing and some people still may not like you. Maybe they have prejudices or preconceived notions that have nothing to do with you.

Another example is focusing on what you can control in an uncontrollable situation. I dislike cold and winter. As I write this, I am looking outside at snow blowing and temperatures below freezing. Try as hard as I might, I cannot control the weather. What I can control is making sure I have warm clothes and a cup of hot coffee, as mentioned above. I also plan trips to warm destinations and try to convince the love of my life that spending the winters in the tropics is a far better idea. It is what I can control in a situation that I cannot control. Focusing on those things instead of trying to change the weather is a lot less stressful and a lot more productive.

Save yourself some stress and focus on what you can change. When you seem to be facing a challenge that is beyond your control, ask yourself, “What can I control in this situation that is beyond my control?” You may not be able to control your job downsizing, but you can control polishing your skills and networking to place yourself in a better position. You cannot control the economy at large, but you can control your own personal economy. Stress less. Worry less. Control what you can.

DON’T BE A FOOL! 🃏

Today is April Fools Day. Not a holiday I am a fan of, but a good time to take a look at what makes a fool. After all, nobody wants to be associated with being the fool, not even on April Fools Day. As the quote above from Willy Shakespeare shows, one of the first sign of a fool is the belief they know it all. Never, in any situation, can anyone really know it all. There are so many different variables to consider, and the change so fast, that there is always more to learn. It has been my observation that people who act as if they know it all really suffer from a lack of self-confidence or a poor self-image. Where someone who is wise, knows that there is always more to learn and is not afraid to admit he has more to learn. The first way to be a fool is to think, and act, like you know it all.

The second quote comes from one of my favorite authors, Dale Carnegie. He wrote my favorite book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly suggest you do so. It will not only change your life, but the lives of everyone you come in contact with. Here, Mr. Carnegie points out a trait of fools. They criticize, condemn and complain. Not only does this make you foolish, it makes you unpleasant to be around. This was brought home by my friend Gonzo. We were chatting the other night and he said something I thought each one of us could be reminded of. He said, “Everyone can complain, but it doesn’t mean you have to.” What does complaining, condemning and criticizing do for us? Very little would be the answer. Much like our first example, people who do this usually have a poor self-image. They do so because it makes them feel more secure in themselves. It is far better to encourage, inspire and uplift. Second way to be a fool is to constantly criticize, condemn and complain.

Today, let us not to anything foolish. Instead of thinking we know it all or constantly complaining and criticizing, let us look to learn, listen and inspire. The way some folks act, fools day can be far more than the first of April. Let us be a light in the darkness, a wise soul in the company of fools. Be the best version of ourselves and leave the foolishness to the fools.

NO MATTER THE WEATHER 🌱

My mother suggested that I use more pictures of my favorite lovable bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, in my posts. This particular picture fits what we are going to talk about today. As you read this, it is the last day of March. This year, spring has seen its share of up and down temperatures where I live. The first day of spring was nice with the thermometer hitting about 50°. A few days later we got 8 inches of snow. For someone who dreads winter, and looks forward to the coming of spring, this is hard to take. Still, knowing the snow should only stick around for a little while, and the possibility of warmer temps any day now, makes it somehow easier to deal with. This thought was bouncing around my head the other morning as I drove to work on icy roads.

If this snowfall occurred in late fall, when the future held cold and more snow, it would be a little more depressing. Knowing that the snow would melt in short order, somehow made the stressful drive a little easier that morning. Same conditions, but the mindset was entirely different. What does all of this have to do with living an amazing life? It was a great example that mindset plays into the level of stress and ability to withstand challenges. It also demonstrated why having a compelling future allows us to make it through a struggling present.

A personal example is my fourth book. I am working on it as we speak. I know there will be long nights of writing thousands of words that may not even be included. There will be tossing and turning because sleep is prevented by ideas bouncing around in my head. There will be weeks of editing, which I enjoy slightly more than a trip to the dentist. If I placed my focus on that, it would be very hard to continue. What I am focused on is positively impacting the lives of millions across the globe! I am thinking about having a book signing that will benefit charity. Having that compelling future will allow me to push through all of the challenges I mentioned.

In your own life, have a compelling future for any endeavor you are embarking on. Another important aspect that we can use, is making sure that future is positive. My third book failed to live up to my expectations. Am I worried or concerned that my fourth might do the same? Not at all. It only drives me to make sure the quality only improves with this latest book. There are certain things beyond our control. We cannot worry about them. We can only focus on what we can control and do it to the best of our ability. Mindset can turn a test into a testimony.

FUN WEEKEND CHALLENGE 😃

It is Saturday so we will not take up too much of your weekend. I thought the above photo would make for an interesting challenge this weekend. If someone makes you happy, make them happier. What a great idea! Not only does it keep our focus on all the wonderful people in our life, but gets our creative juices flowing in a positive manner. How many people waste energy on getting even with someone who has done them wrong? Not only does this reduce you to below the unfortunate soul that did you wrong, but it does absolutely nothing to improve your own life. Every minute you waste on revenge is 60 seconds you could have spent on success.

Two examples from my own life are my mother and my Margie. My mother and I enjoy sharing things such as different coffee we have tried as well as coupons we get that the other may use. We also enjoy taking one another out for coffee and a good conversation. Margie does things to make me happy without her even knowing it. To this end, I am constantly working to find ways in which I can make her happy. This is one of the keys to our relationship being successful. We are always working to make the other happy. Not to mention, when your significant other is happy, the household is happy and thus, you are happy.

The conclusion of all this is that the more people you make happy in your life, the more happiness there will be. That is happiness for them, and happiness for you. Spending that 60 seconds on increasing the happiness in someone’s life, and therefore the world, serves us all. This weekend, if someone makes you happy, think of how you could return the favor. It doesn’t have to stop when Monday rolls around. This would be a fun and beneficial action to add to your lifestyle. Before you know it, your life will be filled with a lot more happy people. The best part? You will be one of them!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 🗺

As the workweek winds down, many of us are looking forward to the weekend. The question is, what are you going to be focused on? One of the keys to living a positive and rewarding life is to focus on where you are going. Most of us focus on what is at hand. This is certainly helpful as we need to address what is going on at the moment. A few of us are focused on the past. What trauma we may have undergone or situations we have went through. This has its benefits as it helps us realize why we take the actions we take. How many of us are really focused on where we are going? This helps us to better focus on using the past to our advantage as well as what actions to take in the present. Why? The actions we take today will shape our tomorrow. If we do not think about where we would like to go, how do we know what direction to face and what actions would be the correct ones to take?

I like to think of it like driving. While driving, they advise you to look in your rearview mirror every 8 seconds. That is a good ratio to focus on our past. More often you need to focus on what is going on around you at the moment. This helps us know what actions to take to keep us moving along our journey. Should we turn right now? Will that be the best route to get where we need to go? We also need to look out our windshield 6 out of those 8 seconds (the other one I would suggest to check your speed and gages) This allows us to see what is in the immediate future. Is there a red light coming up? Do we need to begin to slow down? Does the street end? Is there a driver that looks like they may not stop at the red light? How many blocks until that turn?

This whole time we have to have our destination in mind. This will tell us what actions to take in the present. If you do not know where you are going, what is the point of getting in your car and driving? Same with life. If we do not have a destination, it is like getting in our car and taking random left and rights. We will get somewhere, but it will not be a destination of our own choosing. Even if we encounter road construction or a detour, which ca be compared to obstacles in our life, we will make adjustments and still proceed on our way to our destination. If we know where we are going, these may slow us down but they will not stop us.

FALL IN LOVE AGAIN ❤️

One of the greatest issues in today’s world is that people really do not love their lives. According to research by Forbes magazine, 87% of us are going to jobs that we really do not enjoy. Spending 40 hours a week, plus commute, on doing something that drains your soul can certainly take some of your joy of living away. What about the times you are not working? They are usually filled with the stress of life and family responsibilities. Try to squeeze in some sleep and time is used up.

What this leads to for many of us is a “wake up, pay bills and die” kind of existence. My fourth book addresses this in great detail, but we are going to take a look at one of the most powerful tools that exists to go from surviving to thriving. That tool? It is gratitude. You probably have heard quite a bit about gratitude and how important it is for living a quality life. The reason you have heard so much about it, is because it works. I am sure most of us know this intellectually, but how many of us have a gratitude practice of any kind? If we stop and ask anyone if they are grateful for things in their life, they usually respond with a resounding yes. Still, most of us go through life focused on what has to be fixed, or what is wrong with our lives.

Gratitude can change every aspect of our life when we take time to not only focus on it, but stay in that state for at least a few minutes each day. My favorite times to do this is either first thing in the morning or right before bed. Here is why. First thing in the morning we set the tone for our day. Why not make it one of appreciation and gratitude? It sure beats leaving the house in a depressed or angry state. It will put us in a far better state to face the challenges ahead. Practicing gratitude right before bed gives us a sense of inner peace and allows our rest to be restorative. It will allow us to see that although the day may not have gone exactly how we wanted it to, there are still many reasons to be grateful.

Whether you choose to practice gratitude first thing in the morning, or last thing at night, make sure you spend at least a few minutes every day doing so. You could even do so on your lunch! That way you get a midday refresh. The reasons for doing so are many (increased immune function, reduced stress, etc.) The main reason is that is helps us fall in love with our life again. We have a little spring in our step. Want to make this even more powerful? Try expressing gratitude at least once a day. You will not only make someone else’s day better, but you will give your own heart an extra dose of joy. I would love to hear of any gratitude practices you use.

LOOK FOR A GREEN FLAG 🟩

You hear a lot about seeing red flags in people these days. You hear about it on dating sites, on social media, and even in books and YouTube videos about relationships. It is good to have a list of signs that someone, be they friend or intimate partner, is not right for you. Being able to identify and set boundaries early on will certainly make life easier. Knowing when a person’s values do not match yours is crucial for long-term success in any relationship.

As I often do, this made me ask the question, “What about the positive side of this?” This was a little awkward as I asked this when I was sitting alone at a coffee shop, but I digress. Equally as important to knowing what you don’t want in a relationship, is focusing on what you do want. It may actually be more important as it has been shown we tend to attract to our lives that which we focus on. If you are constantly saying, “I am sick of meeting people who don’t have their life together.” That is what you will tend to see.

Instead, let us focus on what we are looking for. What are some of your green flags? Mine are people who are driven to improve their lives. I enjoy people I can discuss both new-age and self-improvement concepts with. Maybe someone with an appreciation for the tropics. People who have a general positive outlook on life tend to get a green flag from me. Anyone who has a grateful heart is a green flag in my book.

This is not to say that if someone doesn’t seem to match what you consider a green flag that you automatically discount them. We need friends that offer us a little contrast. Rather, it is to train our focus to notice those who share some of the character traits we find enjoyable. If we come up with a list of things that we consider green flags, it should also bring up a feeling of gratitude for those already in our lives that posses these traits.

Come of with some ‘green flags’ of your own. I have told you a few of mine. What are some of yours? There really is no right or wrong answer to this question. We all enjoy and value different things in people and in life. Knowing what we do want can help us notice when we see that in others.

EXPAND THE POSITIVE 🌞

How many of us have had a medical issue, then look it up to self-diagnose only to discover we are terminal? We are so worried, we end up making our condition worse. What we have imagined to be the black death, turns out to be a sinus infection. I think we are all guilty of this is some fashion. It is not actually our fault. Through evolution, our brains are hardwired to think negative and imagine the worst case scenario. This is done as a form of protection to keep us safe. While this worked fairly well for our cave-dwelling ancestors, it really is a bummer for modern day humans.

Imagine if we fought against evolution and focused on the positive? How different would our life be? Is it possible to dwell on outcomes we desire, instead of ones we fear? Not only is it possible, it is a lot more enjoyable. Just like overcoming any learned, or even evolutionary behavior, this will take time. One great way to start, is to begin visualizing positive events in our life. Doing this when we are feeling good should be a lot easier than waiting until we are worried about something. The more we do this, the easier it should be when we are nervous.

Using our imagination will not only reduce the amount of pain in our lives, but will increase the amount of joy. It may also open our minds to see opportunities that may have passed us by if we were only focused on what could go wrong, or how terrible a situation may be. Do yourself a favor and expand the positive.

VERY HARD TO BE SIMPLE 🤔

Ah, to be simple. This seems like a quest that is next to impossible in today’s complex world. Here is thing, it is one of the secrets to happiness. With our propensity to over-complicate things, we create unnecessary stress and chaos in our lives. One great way to limit stress and help bring us peace is to become simple. This can be done in many different ways. Just to get you started, we are going to look at two examples that I think everyone could benefit by putting into practice.

The first is to find joy in simple things. Have you ever tried booking a vacation to the tropics? How about doing it as a surprise for the birthday of the woman you love? Let me tell you, a lot of complications there. A lot of stress. However, have you ever made a conscious effort to set and really listen to that same woman in an attempt to not only make her feel heard, but to perhaps learn a little more about that special person in your life? Pretty simple and brings joy to both parties. How about just going for a walk in nature and enjoying the fresh air and all that you see? The benefits of walking in nature are worth both researching as well as experiencing.

If we thought that being simple in today’s world is difficult, try being present! With that little device in our pocket calling our name every second through the beeps and other such noises, we can miss the world passing us by. When my mother and I walk through the woods, we occasionally see people walking through this beautiful scenery, face buried in their phones. They miss the deer munching on some clover, or the hawk soaring above. Maybe they miss the chance to sit and enjoy a quiet sunset.

More than digital distractions, is the distraction of our own minds. Many dinners are ruined by someone lost in thought over a work problem. What is crazy, is that these people often feel guilty about not paying more attention to their dinner company, thus adding even more stress. This tends to be a repeating cycle. It would benefit us greatly, and reduce our stress, to simply do what we are doing. If we are eating dinner, put our attention there. Not only will we better enjoy our company, we will taste the food more. If we are going for a walk to reduce our stress, let us not ruin it by dwelling on the stress while we are walking. Let us be present as often as we can.

By simplifying our life, we will increase our happiness. Enjoying pleasures that are more simple and organic as well as being present, are only two ways in which we can do so. In what ways do you think you could make life more simple? What would you recommend to someone who is looking to do this? Let us all share our ideas and help each other.