The power of habits is greater than what we think. In fact, most of us do not think about habits much at all. We just do them. That is why they are called habits. One of the secrets to an amazing life is to create actions that we take on a consistent basis that we do not even have to think about. Do you know what an action that you would take on a consistent basis is called? It is called a habit! Generally, we do not actively create habits. It would seem they materialize by themselves.
What if we could create a habit, that is an action we take consistently, that would help us on a journey to becoming the best version of ourselves? That would be like putting our success on autopilot! Two of the best times to start new habits are first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The reasons should be obvious, but we will take a look at them. First thing in the morning helps craft the course of our day. If we can start off with a win, or something that puts our focus into a positive state, that will make the rest of our day more successful. Right before we sleep with have us resting with more peace and allow our subconscious mind to work on our goals while we sleep. This allows us to wake up refreshed and ready to face the day.
What new habits could you develop that would bring you closer to success? What ideas to you use that will help make your new successful habits stick? Please share with us in the comments below.
One of the questions I am often asked is, “How can I stay motivated?” This is the wrong question to ask. You will never be motivated 100% of the time. Motivation comes and goes. I can surround myself with workout quotes, pictures of the body I would like to have and upbeat music, but if it is below freezing outside, I am not going to want to go to the gym. The better question to ask is “How can I stay committed and disciplined?” There are many ways to do this. One of them is considering the consequences of not being disciplined. If I stay in bed all day the boss will not be happy and I may end up without a job. Another way is to focus on what you will gain by remaining committed. If I keep going to the gym, eventually I will fit into that new bathing suit.
If we are honest, some days none of this works. We do not care if the boss is mad or if we get fired. Hey, if I don’t have a job I could sleep in every day! We don’t consider the fact it might be in a cardboard box if we can’t pay our bills. What about fitting into that new swimsuit? Well, we don’t have to go to the beach. Plus, these doughnuts look and taste really good. I have had those moments. Have you? What then? How do we maintain our discipline when our motivation to do so has left us long ago? Example.
I am so grateful to have an amazing women that has me wanting to be the best I can be for her. She is so beautiful and loving that I often question what I did to deserve her. Still, after working all day without sleeping, I can lack the motivation it requires to be a great life partner. What then? I think of the example I am setting. For her children who may be watching. For other men who want to know how to properly treat their lady. To women looking for an example that men do value their lady. Maybe someone caught in an abusive relationship who needs an example of a healthy one to realize that theirs must change.
The same holds true for everything I do in my life. You never know who is watching. Our lives are either warnings or examples. In the age where you can be filmed and go viral for just about anything, wouldn’t you rather it was something good? I know I would. People will rarely listen to what you say if your actions do not support it. If you truly want to inspire others, focus less on what you say and more on what you do. I am going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes that highlights the importance of actions over words.
Here is a subject that we have talked about before on this site, but I was reminded that many of us still have not got the message. There are so many of us that are lack the bravery to share their true self with the world because they base their value on the opinions of others. That is why I liked the quote above so much. If we think of ourselves as that flower, how sad would it be if we could only bloom if someone else watered us? Many are still like this. That is why we need to both encourage ourselves, as well as be aware of all the good we bring to the world. You are a rockstar no matter how large the audience is or is not.
The only thing that saddens me more is someone who lets others determine their worth. If you asked someone directly, “Would you let anyone tell you how much you are worth?” Most of us would answer a resounding “No!” Yet, this happens all too often. Recently, I heard of a woman who even said she felt like ending her life because a man she was recently dating was mad at her. You may be thinking what some dramatic teenager has to do with your life. Here is a surprise, that woman was in her 70s. She had not learned to value herself enough that the opinions of others do not define her.
This is not to say you should not care how you effect others. If what you do hurts someone, you should recognize that and work on becoming a better version of yourself. We should be on a journey of becoming the best version of ourselves. When we are, if others do not value us, we know that our life still has value. I am here to tell you that every life has value. We can all make a difference and all have our own unique gifts to bring to the world. Do not let anyone convince you of anything less.
This quote is new to me, but the idea is not. When I am having a hard time staying committed to the actions that will improve my life, such as going to the gym on a cold raining morning, I think of those who believe in me. There are days that I do not feel I have the energy to write these blogs, but I think of all the encouraging comments I have received from all around the globe. These wonderful friends believe in me, I do not want to let them down. It can be hard to believe in ourselves. It can often be easier to think of those who do believe in us and let their belief carry us through until we can develop belief of our own.
One of the greatest motivations is pride. When you look in the mirror, do you like the person looking back at you? Sure, they might not be perfect, but if they are working their butt off to improve, you have to be proud. Sometimes, that feeling of pride isn’t enough. Then what? I will tell you what works for me. It might work for you. I think of all the important people in my life. When I do not want to work out, I think about giving Margie a man she can be proud of. Not only one that is in shape, but one that is disciplined to stick to his commitments, even when the motivation to do so has long since departed. When I do not feel like working on my blogs or books, I think of being the kind of son that will make my mother proud.
When we cease to make life all about ourselves, and stop and consider the people who love and believe in us, we can have all the motivation we need to tackle any challenge. Next time you are facing an obstacle, whether it is wanning motivation or something more concrete, think of who you would be letting down if you quit. To me, it is what keeps me going long after doing it for myself would have quit.
Recently, I came across a story about the Mona Lisa, the famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. A copy of the famous painting, made by one of da Vinci’s students, was discovered. It not only was better preserved, it revealed many of the details that had been lost in the original. If I gave you the option to own either one of these paintings, which one would you choose? The original, done by old Leo himself, or the copy done by his student? If you know anything about art, or the value of art, I am sure you will choose the original. Why? The copy is better preserved. It has more detail. Why is the original more valuable? Simple, it is an original.
You, my friends, are not much different than that famous painting. Sure, you might not be a 16th century woman, but you are far more valuable as an original. Keep this in mind as you make your way through a world bent on telling you who you should be. The only thing we should be working on becoming is the best version of ourselves.
This does not mean we ignore constructive criticism, or keep an open mind in regards to our character. What I mean is not to change yourself to conform to someone else’s definition of you. I remember hearing that Oprah was told she was far too empathetic to be in journalism. She cried whenever she reported on a fire because a family had lost their home. Had she listened and hardened her heart, she may have been able to become an anchor woman on the news. Instead, she leaned into who she was and became one of the most successful women in history. The world is filled with countless stories like this.
As we make our way through the week, and through life in general, let us be confident in who we are and work to be the best version of that. In doing so, you help give others permission to do the same. Never hide the gift of who you are from the world. It will help you attract the life and people that should be in your story.
Last post we discussed why you should keep your talk about others positive. As you can see in the photo above, today is along the same lines. My current age is where you start to see you and your friends begin to experience some problems of the body falling apart. This is why it benefits you to take as good care of yourself as you can, but that is a story for a different day. What is striking as I stroll through my connections on various social media pages, is how many people have passed away. I am not sure how long I have been on Facebook, but on that site alone, the number of friends I have lost is well in the double digits. Some have died to to tragedy such as car accidents. Some have had health challenges. A few have even died from addictions. Very few of them were expected.
I have often compared our lives to the sands in an hourglass. The sand never stops going from the top to the bottom. The bottom of the hourglass is all of the moments we have lived. The top of the hourglass is how much life we have left. Unlike an hourglass, we never know how much sand is in the top half. What we do know is that is continually shrinking. If that sounds a little scary, it should. What that means is we should live our lives with a sense of urgency.
This picture of people having coffee is fun. They all seem to be about the same age, but how long does each of them have left? Here is a not-so-secret secret, none of us know how long we have left. Can you imagine if we all had a battery indicator, like the one on our phone, above our heads as we walk around. If you knew someone’s battery was about to run out, would you treat them any better? “Look at John, his battery is on red. We better tell him how much he has meant to us.”
Don’t let age fool you either. “Look at Betty, she is young. Her battery must still be green and almost full.” It is true that Betty might be youthful, but that does not mean she has a lot of time left. We certainly hope so for Betty’s sake and for all who care about her, but we do not know. Unfortunately, we do not have the benefit of any indicators, be they hourglasses or battery warning lights, to tell us how long any of us have left. It is one of those universal mysteries.
Funerals are always hard. The worst emotion felt at funerals, in my humble opinion, is regret. The thought that we wish we had done more with that person, or shared how much they meant to us.Worse than that is if we had left with anger or nothing at all. One of the most foolish assumptions we make is thinking that we still have time. As discussed earlier, we do not know how much time we have at all. The time to share how much someone means to us is now. The time to patch up arguments and forgive transgressions, same time – now. Even if these attempts are not successful, the fact that we tried will eliminate much of the feelings of regret we would otherwise feel.
Try to remember we never know how much time any of us have left. You, or the other person could be gone tomorrow. If it helps, think of the hourglass or battery light. Realize that none of us know how much time we have left. Live your life with the urgency and passion it deserves. Ponder the quote below as you go through your day.
I have to share this story that just happened to me. Before heading out the door to write today, I told the love of my life, “I have no idea what I am going to write about.” As I was booting up my computer and settling in with my cup of coffee, I could not help but hear the two people next to me talking. It was a man and a womanin their mid to late sixties. The woman was complaining how stupid her son was. “He is married to that no good girl who blocked me.” she continued. The man countered with tails of his own children and how they annoy him even though they live out of state. Here is the crazy thing, they both went on to complain that their children never call them or want to get together with them.
The problem may seem obvious to most of us. However, these two people are certainly not alone in doing this. Daily, I am reminded of this at work and even when I DJ on the weekends. People only speak of their partner in negative terms. “You will never believe what stupid thing my husband did last night.” or “My wife is nagging me again.” Not surprising, the next day they come in with a tale of how they got into a big disagreement with their spouse the night prior.
Here is some powerful relationship advice. When it comes to the good in your relationship, share it everywhere you can. When it comes to negative items and disagreements, keep them in house. There are so many reasons you should do this. One, your words influence your attitude. This, in turn, influences your actions. Second, whoever you are talking to has their own bias and prejudice that they will bring to the situation. Seldom, if ever, will they encourage you to take and objective look at the situation. They may reinforce your negative opinions in an attempt to comfort you. This will only serve to magnify any negative emotions you are already feeling. The same holds true about positive words you say. Which is why you should share them. Lastly, it damages the image of the person you are talking about. After the disagreement has passed, the person you shared it with will have a less glowing opinion of your friend/spouse or whoever you were discussing.
If you don’t believe me, prove this to yourself. For the next week, speak all the good you can about all of the people you can and watch how your relationships improve. Not to mention, the more positive you speak, the more enjoyable you are to be around.
One interesting thing about humans is that we tend to overestimate the impact of others while at the same time underestimating the impact we make. I have heard people say things such as, “I am just a parent.” Oh really now? Have parents ever made a difference in the world? I think we can all agree they have. They make a difference every day!
Just this morning, Margie and I went out for breakfast. It is something we like to do on the weekend because during the week I am always at work. Our server, an occupation that never gets enough credit, was super friendly. The food was great too, but her service really made the meal pleasant. We have certainly had experiences on the opposite end of the spectrum. This not only took away the pleasure of our dining experience, but, in my opinion, even takes away from the enjoyment of the food. It had our day off to a joyous start. She made a difference.
I was a bartender for 23 years. Whenever I trained a new bartender, or even when I was a trainer for the United States Postal Service, I always reminded the people I was training what an impact they made. I would tell them, “You might only interact with these people for 60 seconds. Make it the best 60 seconds of their day.” Whether you are ordering a drink, or buying a book of stamps, people remember good service. They are likely to give their business to someone who provides that good service. Not to mention, that is how we should treat each other. Can you imagine if you received friendly and amazing service everywhere you went? How would you feel at the end of the day? How about if you received grumpy and poor service everywhere? How would that make you feel? It does make an impact.
This not only applies to interaction with others. Think of what an impact picking up one piece of trash makes. You may be tempted to think it doesn’t make much of a difference. Now, imagine if every person on this planet picked up one piece of trash a day. That is 8 billion pieces of trash we would clean up by each of us only picking up one piece. That would make an impact. How about the opposite? If all of us thought, “I am only dropping one wrapper on the ground. What difference could that make?” If everyone on earth took the same course of action, that would be 8 billion additional pieces of trash laying around. Each action we take makes a huge difference. YOU make a huge difference. Know it. Act like it.
Anger sucks. Feeling anger causes many poor physical symptoms. High blood pressure, depressed immune system, and impaired judgment. Can you imagine how maintaining these for any length of time could affect you? There are some people who live an angry lifestyle. Continuous high blood pressure can…well…kill you. That certainly is not envious. Short of killing you, there are many other bad options from high blood pressure. I will let you research that on your own. A constantly depressed immune system means you will suffer many more colds and illnesses. You will miss more work and not be as productive in general.
What is worse than anger? When you let someone else’s anger make you angry. It is like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it. If we are being honest, it can really be difficult to not get angry when someone is yelling at us. When we do, however, we fall victim to the three conditions mentioned above. We did not even mention the impaired judgement. Sure, what someone did to anger us is most certainly terrible. When we respond from that state of anger, the chances that it will be a good response is slim to none.
Work on mastering your emotional control and your response to anger. When you do become angry, realize your ability to judge the situation objectively is seriously compromised. Learning how to get yourself out of anger quickly will reduce the chances of having to deal with the consequences of choices made from a poor emotional state.
Today we are going to talk about the huge difference between two different words, reactive and proactive. Let us look at reactive first. When we put ‘re’ in front of a word, it means to do something again. If you think of what it means to reclaim something, it means you had it once, then you did not have it, now you have it again. In terms of our lives, when we react it is the same thing. There was an action and then it caused our action, or our reaction. That means our actions or behaviors, are predicated on the actions or behaviors of others. How would you like to live your life when how you feel, or how you act, is determined by others? I can’t imagine that you would feel in control of your life. In fact, you wouldn’t be. You would be at the mercy of outside circumstances.
What does it mean to be proactive? It means that we take action in advance of the upcoming situation. If you know you have an early morning, you may be proactive in your actions by putting your clothes out the night before, or getting the coffee maker ready. When you show up the next day you will be well-rested, well-dressed and on time. In short, you will look like, and act like, a pro. This not only works for getting up early. One of the best ways to be proactive is to work on controlling your thoughts, emotions and focus. Eventually, you will be faced with challenges to all of the above. If you are proactive when it comes to your self-control, you will be less likely to be reactive when the situation arises. This means if someone were to treat you unkindly, you would not have to react by feeling anger towards them or sadness based on their treatment of you. If you are able to control your thoughts, emotions and actions regardless of outside circumstances, that will make you a pro.
Invest in being proactive when it comes to improving yourself today. The result of such preparation will be more control over your life and less stress about it. Ask yourself, do you want to be at the mercy of the world around you and controlled by others, or do you want to be a pro?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 