This simple mindset shift transforms life. One feels good. One does not. One makes your life feel good. One does not not. Neither changes events, yet both change your reality. How can reality change if facts do not?
The reality we feel is seldom reality in actuality. Instead, it is a reality as viewed through the lens of our past experiences and our focus. The first we have little control over. The second we have absolute control over. In fact, the only way we can effectively change the past, is by changing the way we view it.
How we do this is simple. Have you had a tragic event in your life? You can view it as the trauma that prevents you from moving forward. Then again, you can view as the reason you developed such resilience. The facts didn’t change, just your response to them and the meaning you assigned them.
In a broader sense, the same applies to life. There are things that appear negative to us. We can choose to view them as so, or we can ask ourselves how we can use them. Can they teach us something? Can they remind us to be grateful for something else? Perhaps, like we mentioned earlier, they can help us be more resilient? The choice is ours. We cannot often change events, but we can change what we decide they mean to us and our reaction to them. More on this next post.
Today is Monday. Many people strongly dislike Mondays. It is the start of the work week and the end of relaxing. For me personally, I DJ Sunday and go to bed about 2am. My alarm goes off for work at 4am. If you are keeping score at home, that leaves 2 hours for sleep.
Here is the interesting thing – there is beauty in a Monday. It is the start of a week of challenges that can leave you a stronger person by weeks end. It is the beginning of a week of opportunity to save towards your retirement. How about developing character by showing up on time and working hard?
It is not only Mondays, but every aspect of life that has beauty. Yes, even the ones we consider negative. I have found beauty in a dental visit. I have found beauty cleaning up a river. There is even beauty to be found at a funeral.
What is the big deal about finding beauty in life? The more beauty you can find around you, the more beautiful life becomes. How about you? Have there been situations where you have been able to find beauty when others could not?
This is a good thought. Every situation does not always serve us in the same way. For example, at my day job I have been working 55 hours a week for the last year. Certainly nice money, but had me burnt out. Now, they hired a coworker for me. It will be a lot less money, but I will be able to focus more on my writing and fitness more.
I could have cursed the fact for the last year I have not been able to spend as much time with Margie as I wanted, or I could have used the extra money to save for our wedding and pay off my car. Conversely, I could lament the fact that I will be earning a lot less or celebrate all the extra time I will be afforded.
Keep this thought in your head. “What is wrong is always available. But so it’s what’s right. ” There is always a sunny side of the street. You can find it when you practice an attitude of gratitude. I always tell people, “If you can’t find something to be grateful for, you aren’t trying very hard. ” Even being able to read these words means you have the gift of vision, access to the internet, and the freedom to view what interests you. We are followed in over 200 countries, but if you live in North Korea, you would not be able to view us.
The above example listed 3 or 4 things you could be grateful for. In any situation there is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes you have to search hard. Most times you do not. So don’t curse the seasons or your situation. Instead, plant and act accordingly. Remember, what is wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.
I wrote extensively about what I referred to as “sunshine-challed” people and their negative effect on your life in my first 2 books. There were also tips on how to avoid, or at the very least limit your exposure to these people. As the world gets even busier, our energy is more important than ever.
Why is energy so important? Without enough energy we certainly cannot get all of the things we wanted to get to in life completed. It gets worse than that. Low energy long enough changes our mentality from one of thriving, to one of survival. The reason this is a big deal is that eliminates our zest for living. Who wants to go through life feeling like it is a job? Not me I say!
The solution is to surround yourself with people who feel like a miracle. Ones who fill your soul with not only energy, but hope and passion. You can never have too many of these people in your life. When you find one, make sure to hang on to them!
How do we make sure that we hang onto people who are Miracles in our life? The answer is simple – look to become a miracle in the lives of others. It really is not as difficult as it sounds. In a world that throws a lot of negativity at us, try being a light. Reminding those we care about why they are amazing and what they have to be grateful for is a miracle in itself. If you do this often, people will start showing up for you in much the same manner!
Do you want to surround yourself with what Bob Marley called ’emotional vampires’ or people who are living miracles? Which one are you going to be?
This is an interesting thought. So many people are talking about gratitude and its power to change life. What is ironic is that most people have an interesting definition of what gratitude really is. This was brought home when I was listening to the audiobook, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne the other morning. She said how if people asked her years ago if she was a grateful person she would have told them that she was. Her justification for that answer is that she always thanked people for a gift, or for opening the door for her. When we speak of gratitude here, or when you hear about the power of gratitude, it is far more than that.
Despite what we may have been told growing up, or even what we think currently, thanking people when they do nice things for us is not living gratefully. It is actually just really good manners. There is nothing wrong with that. If we want to discover the true power of gratitude, it has to involve more than that. True gratitude cannot be conditional. A few posts back we discussed how I was choosing to focus on what I had to be grateful for in my life despite the challenges I have currently been experiencing. In doing so, it has help me feel good and enjoy my life so much more. That is the power of gratitude.
How about you? Are you only grateful when conditions give you something to be grateful for? Here is a secret. There is always a condition to be grateful for. Gratitude, like much of life, is a decision. When you want to feel grateful, just look around. There are so many things in our life that we take for granted that we should be so grateful for. Our health for one. Going to work on a Monday morning can be tough, but doing so with a cold is even tougher. We can dread work or be thankful we do not have to deal with a cold while working. Things like sanitation, communication, entertainment choices we have, clean water, a place to live and a million other things. One of the best ways to appreciate things you take for granted is to have them taken away from you. It is rare you will hear someone who used to be homeless complaining about the color of their kitchen walls.
Even in the terrible situation of losing something, we can be grateful that it is bringing to our attention things we might have taken for granted. Even that is something to be grateful for. Here is another secret to an amazing life. Feeling grateful feels amazing! The more we feel grateful, the better the quality of our life will be. Do yourself a favor and start to work on developing an attitude of gratitude today!
How is your mindset? Is it empowering or is it filled with fear and holding you back? This is one of the first things we must get right in ourlife. There is a quote attributed to Henry Ford that states, “whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. ” When you believe in yourself, and your purpose, you are less likely to let challenges stop you.
With your mindset being so important, why leave this up to chance? Make sure you have a confident and healthy mindset before you step out the door in the morning. That way the challenges we might face will not stand a chance to knock you down.
How do we do this? It involves some subtle tweaking to your morning routine. The majority of us pick up our phone right after we wake up. Often, before even getting out of bed!What greets you on your phone? It could be drama, negative news or a host of other things. We do not really know. It is better to set ourselves up with a guaranteed positive routine. This could be affirmations, quick meditation or just reflection on what we have to be grateful for.
How different would your day go if you spent 5 minutes thinking of, and feeling grateful for, all that you have in your life. In my upcoming book, I show you how to use both ritual and environment to set yourself up for success. That is develop your own routines to create a positive mindset. Fillyour environment with things that remind you of positive and happy events and thoughts. How would you do that? What routines do you have for starting your day off right?Share with the rest of us. You just may inspire someone else!
When I grabbed this quote, I liked many things about it. It is very close to what we discussed a few posts ago how your mind and body do not have to be in the same place at the same time. Before we get into the actual quote, I have to share something about it. What made me laugh after further inspection was where this quote came from. When I was a senior in high school, I did not do well at English class. As mentioned in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, my teacher even told me, “I pray to God you will never have a career in writing.” At the time it was a fair assessment. Three books and over twenty five hundred blog posts later, maybe not so much. One of the reasons the teacher thought this way is my lack of appreciation of classic literature. When I read something, I like to be able to enjoy it and not search for what it is supposed to mean. Give me the story straight I say. The story that stands out the most in this regard? You guessed it, Paradise Lost. The very story today’s quote comes from.
Now that we have had some humorous back story, let us look at the quote itself. The very first part I find intriguing. “The mind is its own place…” How many of us stop and think of the mind that way? Many things only exist in the mind. Fear is a great example. It is created by, and exists solely in the mind. Many of the stresses in our lives reside between our own two ears. The mind has its own dialogue. As Mr. Milton goes on to explain, “…and in itself, can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” What this means to me is that the mind we bring to a situation goes a long way to determine the quality of the situation.
This is the reason that you can see two people in exactly the same situation, but one is happy and one is miserable. One place I see this a lot is at the gym. Some people working out there look miserable. Some are lifting weights with smiles on their faces. If you stopped and focused on everything you have to do to get to the gym and get a workout, coupled with how sore you might feel after, it would be a pretty miserable experience. You also wouldn’t show up that often, or for that long. If you were to change that focus and realize that every rep of weights and every step of cardio are getting you that much closer to being the healthy person you are working to become, you would be motivated to keep pushing on.
This holds true in any situation in life. At a funeral for example. We can think about the regret of moments lost or never pursued. It will expand the pain and make the feelings of hurt and loss that much greater. We could also focus on the fond memories we have with the dearly departed and ponder ways in which we will honor their memory. This may very well help ease the pain and may even see a smile cross our face as we think about a silly or happy memory.
Switching focus is a great way to control what kind of place the mind is, a heaven or a hell. When I find myself in particularly trying situations, I ask how I can use that to serve others. This obviously does not change my circumstances, but it certainly changes the person I bring to them. Finding ways to bring happiness and gratitude to any situation can turn a hell into a heaven. I would love to hear your secrets for making your mind a positive place to be.
This simple phrase has unlocked an entirely different life for me. This is not an exaggeration. It is not hyperbole. Wherever you are reading this, take a look at the people around you. If you are by yourself, imagine the people in your life. Most of them do not operate on this principle.
The majority of the world spends their time focused on influencing outside circumstances. How much control do you have over other people, places and things in your life? Limited at best.Energy spent on these endeavors is not well spent. Conversely, how much control do you have over you?
The man who wrote this spent part of his life in a concentration camp. In there, he had zero control of outside circumstances. He realized what he did have control of was his mind. It is the same with you and I. Our circumstances are not anywhere near as dire.
Think of it like this. You are driving in your car and you want to go to Walmart. Would you just keep driving straight and hope someone builds a Walmart in front of your car? As asinine as that sounds, that is what we are doing when we are wishing the boss would become better, our spouse would be more loving, the economy would get better.
Here’s a thought. Grab the steering wheel and drive to a Walmart. What I mean by that is to take control of your life and direct it where you want it to go. Your boss sucks? Maybe they are motivating you to find a better job? Your spouse not as loving as you would like? They are providing you an opportunity to brush up on your own courting skills. The economy is a little tough? Work on creative spending and savingsplans.
It is about the choice from going from a victim mentality to a victory mentality. Don’t wait for the waves to change direction. Adjust your rudder and sail and get there no matter what the waves are like. Conquer the ocean of life!
My mother suggested that I use more pictures of my favorite lovable bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, in my posts. This particular picture fits what we are going to talk about today. As you read this, it is the last day of March. This year, spring has seen its share of up and down temperatures where I live. The first day of spring was nice with the thermometer hitting about 50°. A few days later we got 8 inches of snow. For someone who dreads winter, and looks forward to the coming of spring, this is hard to take. Still, knowing the snow should only stick around for a little while, and the possibility of warmer temps any day now, makes it somehow easier to deal with. This thought was bouncing around my head the other morning as I drove to work on icy roads.
If this snowfall occurred in late fall, when the future held cold and more snow, it would be a little more depressing. Knowing that the snow would melt in short order, somehow made the stressful drive a little easier that morning. Same conditions, but the mindset was entirely different. What does all of this have to do with living an amazing life? It was a great example that mindset plays into the level of stress and ability to withstand challenges. It also demonstrated why having a compelling future allows us to make it through a struggling present.
A personal example is my fourth book. I am working on it as we speak. I know there will be long nights of writing thousands of words that may not even be included. There will be tossing and turning because sleep is prevented by ideas bouncing around in my head. There will be weeks of editing, which I enjoy slightly more than a trip to the dentist. If I placed my focus on that, it would be very hard to continue. What I am focused on is positively impacting the lives of millions across the globe! I am thinking about having a book signing that will benefit charity. Having that compelling future will allow me to push through all of the challenges I mentioned.
In your own life, have a compelling future for any endeavor you are embarking on. Another important aspect that we can use, is making sure that future is positive. My third book failed to live up to my expectations. Am I worried or concerned that my fourth might do the same? Not at all. It only drives me to make sure the quality only improves with this latest book. There are certain things beyond our control. We cannot worry about them. We can only focus on what we can control and do it to the best of our ability. Mindset can turn a test into a testimony.
I’m writing to you from the Bahamas. Warwick Paradise Island to be exact. Margie and I have had a great time here so far.Hats off to Benjamin Davis and his crew. The food has been great, the staff friendly. We have had some amazing adventures as well. Getting here… that was a different story.
We were scheduled to fly American Airlines out of Milwaukee. We arrived at the airport at 3:30 am, thanks to my mother. We boarded our plane at 5:30am, excited to be in the tropics. After 2 hours of sitting still on a plane, they told everyone to get off as the plane was broken. They told us we were being ‘automatically rebooked’. I checked their app to discover they had no more flights until the next day.
Lucky for us, I got a call saying they could put us on Jetblue Airlines and we could still make it to the Bahamas, only a few hours later. We ended up with a layover in New York. We were told we should go to gate 7in New York. We did aswe were told. We waited and waited..I ventured a walk to the scheduleboard. Our flight had been moved to gate 10 and was boarding in 5 minutes. We ran through JFK Airport, which is no small task. Got the last 2 seats available. When we arrived in the Bahamas, we discovered only 3 of the 4 wheels on my suitcase did. We arrived at our hotel at 8pm, a mere 6 hours after we were scheduled to.
You may think this sounds hellish, and perhaps in some ways it was. Here is the funny thing. We arrived at our resort happy and ready to get our vacation started. Why? We had made the best of our challenges. We got pizza and a cheese steak in New York, because you just have to. We focused on being grateful we made it to the Bahamas.
This is proof it is more important who you travel with rather than where you travel to. It is also important you focus on the positive and make the best of your situation. It not only makes your vacation better, but helps create better memories.
This is a great life lesson you can start practicing today. Although I’m going to do my best to convince Margie that I need more trips to the Bahamas to practice. In reality, there are always opportunities to practice, and strengthen, your ability to make the best of, and rise above, your challenges.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 