Here at secret2anamazinglife.com, we are honored and grateful to be followed in over 200 countries and by over 100,000 people. As you can imagine, this covers a wide array of faiths, cultures and beliefs. There is one thing that remains the same. That is our desire that everyone may enjoy this holiday season with their friends, family and those they love. May they be able to do so with health and peace and joy in their hearts. Another firm desire is that those of different beliefs may find the peace and love to honor each other and celebrate together.
In a world that is all to often filled with division and hate, let us use this holiday season to reach out and connect with one another in the spirit of humanity. Although our traditions may differ, we all enjoy time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate this common ground with one another. Share a fun tradition you do with another. Maybe share a dish that you make this holiday with another family or group of friends. Most importantly, greet one another with a spirit of togetherness. May your holiday celebrations be filled with joy and love.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
I’m not sure if you have read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but you definitely should. In a nutshell, it explains how different people give and receive love in different ways. Some, like myself, use words and verbal communication to express love. Some, like my lovely lady, use physical intimacy.This can be a hug, a kiss or even holding your hand. The crazy thing is people can give love in one language and receive love in another. If that isn’t confusing enough, the Languages can change throughout life!
Why is learning these love Languages so important? Here’s why. You can be showing love the best way you know how and your partner could feel like you are not showing any love at all. Do you think that could end up causing some issues between the two of you? That is why learning your partners love language is vital to a successful relationship.
Equally important is to know your love language. What makes you feel loved? Is it someone giving you time? How about giving you a hug? Maybe a meaningful gift? Doing an act of service for you? If you are thinking, “Hey, those all sound pretty good!” You are not alone. Most people can feel love in a few categories but are usually dominant in one or two. Want to find out what your love language is? How about your partner‘s? There is a fun quiz you can take together or separately in the back of the book.
When you know your partner’s love language, it is important to use that language to communicate. They will receive your love a lot more and you will be a lot less stressed. Once you know your love language you can convey that to your partner and they can feel more effective at conveying love to you. That will have them feeling a lot less stressed as well. Two people who are less stressed in a relationship with each other?That is a recipe for success!
This quote and picture are obviously not just about candles. Before we get into what this means in our daily life, let us look at it from the point of a candle. You are in a dark room and you have a lit candle. It gives off a certain amount of light. Someone else walks in with a candle. The room becomes twice as bright. If you were to walk over to them and blow out their candle, the room would become darker. In addition, your candle would not burn twice as bright to make up for the loss of light. Suppose there were other unlit candles in the room. If you were to use yours to light them the room would continue to get brighter.
This all seems rather obvious from the point of candles. What the light of the candle really signifies is the light inside all of us. Some get jealous when they seem another person’s light shining and look to extinguish it. As if that would somehow make their light shine brighter. In only results in making the room, or this case the world, a darker place. Conversely, if you were to use your candle to light as many other candles as you could, the room would continue to get brighter and brighter. What this translates to is using your gifts, and the light inside of you, to brighter the lives of as many people as you can. If we fill the world with happy people, the world only becomes a brighter place. Just like the more candles you light, the brighter the room.
Next time you brighten someone’s day, know that you are really doing so much more. You are making the world a brighter place. The more people you do this for, the brighter the world becomes. Remember there are lots of people blowing out candles. They put people down, they are cruel and unkind. Therefore, you may have to light the same candle more than once. It takes a continued effort to keep all of the candles around us lit. It requires us always looking to empower and uplift each other. Let us work to make the world as bright as we can.
Many people I know are facing very uncertain, and dare I say scary, futures. Many are concerned for their children. In a world that seems to be growing colder and angrier by the day. It can be tempting to walk around downtrodden, angry or with a defeatist attitude. This would not only be understandable, it would be excusable.
What we must realize is that we are always creating an example for our children and the young people coming behind us. Being able to remain loving in a world that can be anything but loving is true courage and true strength. We may feel our opportunity to live in a peaceful and loving world has been taken away from us. In some regard that may be true. What is also true is that we have been given an opportunity todemonstrate how to conquer that darkness. We do so not with mere words, but with action. We do so not by matching or surpassing their anger, but maintaining our love in the face of it.
Take advantage of the opportunity fellow warriors. Stand up and be strong. Be aggressive in your love. Be courageous in your compassion. That is the sign of a true warrior.
I heard something the other day that will be in my upcoming fourth book. I wanted to give you an abridged version here today. When it comes to improving our own lives, we have spoke volumes about adopting an attitude of gratitude. This is for good reason. You hear it so much it almost sounds cliche. The reason you hear it so much is because it works. We recently even discovered a new and almost effortless way to do this. That was creating an album of pictures (either a photo album or in your phone) that reminds you of what you are grateful for. Then, all you have to do is scroll through the pictures and you start to feel grateful.
This is technically not a post about gratitude. No, it is about gratitude’s twin sister. What are we talking about here? Let me explain. Gratitude works wonders on our relationship with ourselves, but what about our relationships with others? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a magic wand for improving them? There is and it is easy to use and will work on any relationship. Looking to deepen your love with your spouse? This will work. Looking to be on your cranky boss’s good side? It works for that too. How about conveying positive feelings to a friend? This is perfect for that! The more you get in the habit of using this skill, the more polished you will become at it and the more powerful it will work.
The secret power we are discussing, and gratitude’s twin sister, is appreciation. When you appreciate someone, you are telling them why you are grateful for them. This is not to be confused with flattery. That is false praise, usually delivered in hopes of gaining favor. You might think people can’t tell the difference. They can and nobody likes flattery. Appreciation is a genuine expression of gratitude for another person. Letting someone know you are grateful for them and exactly why is so powerful it can deepen the strongest love and soften the hardest heart.
Delivering appreciation is an art form. It takes a certain finesse. Using the right tone and body language. Maintaining eye contact without being creepy about it. This will all come with practice. Do not worry about being perfect. Appreciation is so rare today it is always treasured. Just be genuine and the results will be amazing. We are all out here trying our best and working hard. For someone to notice and let us know means the world.
When you start using genuine appreciation, I can promise you that every relationship in your life will improve. Who would not want that in life? When you think how interconnected we are in life, it is important to let others know how much they mean and how grateful we are for them. Start expressing appreciation today. Make it genuine. Make it sincere and it will change you life.
This tag is really great! It is something we should all wear. Sure, the ingredients and warning signs may differ slightly, but we are all 100% human. It is true that our contents may vary in size, shape, color and belief. Underneath it all, we are all still human. We all need to be handled with care. I certainly would require caffeine. Wouldn’t it be great if people came with instructions like this? You could look at their tag and know exactly what you are getting. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. We need to put forth a little effort to get to know our fellow humans.
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a little tag for each of your friends. Not for them to actually wear, but for your own records. Remember what they enjoy, any warnings that come with that person and anything that would be on a tag if they were to have one. It is important to remember that we are all 100% human, no matter how different we are. We all need to be treated with love, dignity and respect.
If you live in the United States, you are no doubt suffering from election and political burnout. In my mailbox, I received so many political ads I lost count. Most of them were filled with warnings of doom and gloom. The world ending if we voted for the wrong candidate. I wish I was being dramatic, but I am not. Couple this with radio ads, television, YouTube ads and the list goes on. Fear and hate were spread by both parties in abundance. I get it. Fear motivates people to take action. Now that the election is over, it is time for us to move on.
Even if you do not live in the USA, there is plenty of negative in the world. There is the wars in the middle east. There is the war in the Ukraine. Plenty of hate and negativity to go around. I am part Armenian. Lots of problems in that corner of the world. In short, there is grave shortage of love in the world. At least that is what we are told. If you spend your days with your eyes glued to the news, even the best of us can walk away disillusioned. What is the cure? Go out and talk to your neighbors. Not about recent political events. Not about war and what country is to blame. Talk about your favorite recipes. Talk about the dreams for your kids if you have any. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Here is what you will find – your neighbors are not that different from you.
I am sure the people of Russia and the Ukraine wish the war was over. Families are being torn apart, economies are suffering. The only thing worse than global conflict, is to allow it to become generational conflict. Do not let the hatred of the few corrupt the love of the many. Find the beauty in those who are different from you. Yes, it can be hard. Yes, some may not deserve it. The truth is that we will never find peace if we continue to hang on to hate. It is a virus given to us by those we seek to divide us. Love can unite us and keep us moving forward. I am reminded of two quotes by great men. The first is by Martin Luther King Jr. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Eventually, someone has to have the compassion and bravery to forgive. We need to use love to drive out hate. That is the only way in which it will work.
The second quote is by Buddha. He said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Our anger only succeeds in destroying us. Even if we can inflict some damage on the party we are angry at, it does not come without a cost to us. If we fill ourselves with love, again not always an easy task, it will only serve to help us. The first step to filling ourselves with love, is to practice forgiveness. Not only to others, but to ourselves.
It is apparent that in many areas, anger is spreading faster than ever. Instead of focusing our energy on ‘stopping the anger’, let us focus on spreading the love and joy. Let us begin by learning how to forgive those who hurt us, including ourselves. If hate can spread this fast, let us show one another how fast love can spread.
Hopefully by the time you are reading this, we have a clear winner in the United States presidential election. I am actually writing this a few days before. The victory is sure to upset some and elate others. What is important for all of us is to practice love and compassion to our fellow humans. Why? Not only is it the right thing to do, but as the Dalai Lama says above, without them humanity will not survive. Parents tell their children not to be cruel to those who disagree with them. I think most of us can recall a story when we were younger when we were told “Don’t pick on Bob and Betty just because they are different than you.” This was good advice then. Do you know what? It is still good advice. These same parents can often be the ones posted hateful messages online about opposing political views.
Isn’t it ironic that we have trouble as adults following advice we often give to children? It is true there were many issues that affect people’s lives on a very person level. I am not denying that. It is true that people have a lot of belief and passion when it comes to the issues near and dear to their hearts. That is good. We must stand up for our beliefs. That does not mean going to war with those whose beliefs differ from our own. They no more deserve to be put down for their beliefs than we do.
My challenge to each of you reading this is to find ways to demonstrate love and compassion for all of your neighbors. One thing that puts fear into leaders is to see people working together. A little bit of fear in our leaders is a good thing. ‘Divide and conquer’ is more than just a cliche, it is the truth. As has been demonstrated, when leaders just argue and blame, nothing gets solved. Let us not emulate that. Let us work together to create a better world for our children. Let us do this by using love and compassion.
Last post we discussed the single best self-improvement activity you can do. If you haven’t read that post, I recommend giving it a look. In my own life, gratitude has been one of, if not the, most powerful tools to help me live an amazing life. If you spend any time at all in the self-improvement arena, you have no doubt heard a lot about gratitude. It had a prominent role in the movie The Secret. For good reason. Gratitude can bring you peace. It can take you from feeling like you are constantly chasing the next thing, to feeling abundant and happy. That is without any change in outside circumstances. After developing an attitude of gratitude, even if things do go south, you will be able to weather them a lot better.
If gratitude is so powerful (it is) then why are we not all using it? If gratitude can transform our lives in so many positive ways (it can) how come everyone is not engaged in a ritual that will bring more gratitude into their lives. One of the reasons is the methods that have been suggested. They can seem labor intensive. Really, for the return they offer it is well worth it. Let us consider doing a gratitude journal. It is probably the most suggested activity. I even wrote a section about it in my second book, Living the Dream. You basically write 3 to 5 things you are grateful for every day and why you are grateful for them. This not only gives you the initial hit of dopamine, the feel good chemical in the brain, but rewires your brain. Knowing that you will be sitting down to write this list has your mind subconsciously on the lookout for things that you are grateful for to write down. This is a very good thing.
The problem with this method is that in a world where everyone is super busy and wants everything yesterday, taking 5 minutes to write in a journal or a notebook can seem impossible. This can seem like too much work even for people who spend hours scrolling through their phone. That brings very little, if any, positive things into their lives. This, however, is the secret to our new method. Sense we seem addicted to scrolling mindlessly, let us use it to our advantage! All you will need for this activity is a cell phone and an urge to feel more grateful.
Here is the secret method. In your gallery of pictures, create a separate album of pictures of things you are grateful for. This could be your spouse, your family, your dog, your car, a beautiful sunset or anything else that you are grateful for. Had a great vacation? Throw a picture of that in there. Love a particular restaurant? How about a picture of you there? Someone who just makes you smile by the thought of them? Maybe a picture of them or even both of you together? You could even have pictures of quotes that remind you to be grateful. The possibilities are endless. Then, in one of your scrolling sessions, open the album and look at the pictures. Much like the journal, done long enough it should train your brain to think of and look for things to be grateful for to add to this album. Even if you like other forms of gratitude, this would be a great one to add. I know I am going to start an album as soon as I finish writing this post. My first picture will be of Margie and I in Jamaica for the first time. I was able to make one of her dreams come true and I am grateful for that. Not to mention, I am grateful for her and the love we share.
I encourage you to create a grateful picture album on your phone today. The coffee shop I am writing this in is about to close which will force me to stop writing, go home and get some things done and start working on my gratitude album! What will be some of the pictures in your album? What are you grateful for? Please share your answers in the comments below.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 