Tag: Love

WHY GIVE AWAY YOUR CONTROL AND POWER?!

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Last post we looked at what not to do in life. There were 3 things to avoid which gave us three things to do. If you missed that post I highly recommend you take a look at it. The second of the things to avoid on that list was ‘Blame others for your problems’. I told you that I would tell you the dreadful thing that it does for you. Here is the thing, when you point the finger at others realize in addition to saying “It is your fault” You are also saying “you control me”.

What do I mean by this? If someone angers you it is because you decided to let that happen. The only person who is responsible for your emotions is you. If a complete stranger walked up to you on the street and said “I do not like you” it would not make you feel good, but you would probably just shrug it off and keep going. If a good friend of yours walked up and told you the same thing it may be crushing. Same thing on the positive side. If a complete stranger tells you that they find you attractive it will make you feel good for sure, but if the person you have been with for years tells you “You still take my breath away every time I look at you” That can certainly have more of an impact. Why is this? Because even though the words and the actions are the same you decided one means more than the other.

Same goes with blame. If it is another person’s fault that you failed or have problems, then what control do you have over fixing them? In any situation we have played some role. We also can determine that others actions will not stop us. Sure they can delay or sidetrack us, but then it is up to us to work harder, stay determined and not fail. Same with success. If we are eager to assign blame, what about credit? How likely are you to say about your recent life victory “Well really it wasn’t me, I had nothing to do with it”? You do not want to give someone else the credit for all of your hard work, so do not let them take the blame for your problems. When you accept your role in the negative things that happen in your life it tends to be liberating. You have a sense of control and with control comes a feeling of hope. If you got yourself into the mess, you can get yourself out. If you point the finger at others and say it is there fault you feel different. There is almost a sense of helplessness or at the very least a lack of control. If they caused this problem in your life, what is to say they won’t do it again? They might even cause some other problem in your life. What about all the other people in the world? Could they cause problems for you?

So here is the takeaway, assume responsibility for your problems and then set about to correct them. Notice the sense of freedom and control you feel. In fact, in every issue try to find something that was your fault. This may seem counter productive, but trust me it will lead to a feeling of more self control and power over your own life.

This is my take on life. I would love to hear how this works in your life as well as any other issues you would like to discuss here. If you enjoyed this please like/share/comment to your heart’s content.

YOU DECIDE WHAT IT MEANS!!!

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I’m VERY excited to be writing this post. This is a picture that my lady posted on Facebook. I fell in love with it right away, much like I did with her. Here is the powerful thing about this, it points out a very important thing that many of us do not utilize. We can control what things in life mean to us. What it is often perceived as a negative experience can often be the greatest of all lessons and motivate us further. If you look at words they have a powerful impact on how we feel. When someone says you ‘FAIL’ it makes us feel bad, but if you ask any successful person they suggest you should embrace failure. Why? because when you fail, you are getting one step closer to succeeding. In fact, if we never fail, we would never learn anything. We would never grow. If we change our definition to “first attempt at learning” we can better understand how it can help us grow.

‘END’ is another word that can make us feel down. A job comes to an end, we can feel like we did something wrong. Only if we give up. If we change our definition to “effort never dies” it encourages us to keep going. So next time we are told we have come to an end, let us not accept that. If that door closes, let us go on looking for another which may very well open up into a room full of new opportunities that we may never have encountered.

How about when we have been pushing and doing our best and someone tells us ‘NO’? We must not accept that as a final word. In my own life I have faced many ‘NOs’. Each one has had me feel let down. From now on, thanks to my beautiful Margie, I will understand that is just means “Next opportunity”. In my professional career I have been pushed to new jobs, new people and new gifts and talents I would not have discovered had I not lost the position that I had previously. In my personal life, a lot of ‘FAIL’ ‘END’ and ‘NO’ has changed my life for the better more than anything else.

If you like this as much as I did, thank Margie and feel free to like/comment/share with others!

WHY YOU SHOULD BE KIND AND NOT AN ASS

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This post was inspired while having lunch with my lady, my friend Gail and her son. Gail was mentioning how people routinely come up to her and mention certain things she has done that have really touched them. If you were to ever meet Gail you would find this easy to believe as she has a very good energy and spirit about her. The funny thing is the same thing happens to my lovely Margie and myself quite often. Just last night a gentleman thanked Margie for making him get out and be social. People often remember me as the “Friendly guy from the post office”. Sometimes things end up a little more intense. Considering the kind of work I am involved in there are occasions when tools I have passed on, or just different ways to look at the world have inspired people and helped them take the actions necessary to turn their lives around.

It always reminds me of the importance of being kind. You never know when what you say, be it a kind word or an inspiring idea that can have a great impact on their lives. You never know if someone may be going through a challenge we know nothing about. What you say may inspire them to follow their dreams and become a blessing to so many others. Imagine what the world would be like if Einstein never pursued his passion? Being Jewish in the World War two era he could have easily just become bitter and walked away. You have heard me mention Walt Disney who was rejected by over 300 bankers before being approved for a loan for Disneyland. In addition to strong personal power I believe these people must have had a person or two who inspired them along the way. Einstein himself said that he used to say “thank you” over 100 times a day.

So what about the second half of the title of this post? The reason why you should watch what you say especially in times of great emotional upset is this, you never know who is listening. You could shatter someone’s dream and they may give up and never go on to bring their gifts to the world. We may lost the next Walt Disney, or the next great doctor, scientist or author. Your seemingly foolish comment may give someone a complex for the rest of their lives, or worse push them over the edge in a battle they have been fighting.

So the point is this, use kind words and encouragement often, and do your best to swallow your criticism and angry words. If you wish to encourage more people feel free to like/share and comment on this post. Together we can turn the world into a better place for all.

CLEAN YOUR FILTERS BEFORE SPRING

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This is a quote from Michael Bernard Beckwith, one of my favorite inspirational authors and speakers. Here is what I get from this. Filters, what are they? Well in a furnace they trap dirt and other things from getting through. In  cameras whether video or still, they change the way we look at things. So now we have a clear idea of what filters are. How does all of this affect our lives?

Here is the thing, filters in life, what are they? In short, experiences. You have a powerful experience in colors the way you see life from that point forward. If you were in a relationship and there was a lot of dishonesty that you ended up being hurt by, in the future you may be less likely to trust. In fact, you may see dishonesty where there is none. This as you can imagine, can cause great problems for any new relationships. So like a camera filter it can totally color the way you see the world. If you put a red filter over a camera lens everything looks different. If you look through the filter of past hurts and dishonesty the world looks different than it may actually be.

Here is something else that can act as a filter, belief systems. If you were raised in a certain spiritual belief system you may not understand or accept others. Worse yet, if you were raised with certain prejudices you may have beliefs or dislikes for certain groups of people. This could act like a furnace filter mentioned above. It could trap things from getting through to you. Say you were raised to believe people with red hair were not smart. Then any idea you receive from a person with red hair you would dismiss. This could result in you missing out on a lot of good ideas.

Ok, but filters can also be good. The furnace filter mentioned above traps impurities, which serve as a good thing. I do my best to have a filter in my life against negativity, gossip and judgment. Working with the public, especially in places where alcohol is being served that filter can trap and stop a lot of those impurities and become less effective. So I am going to have to replace or clean that filter. How do we do this? That is a topic we will address in an upcoming post. Until then, look at your own filters. Are there any coloring your world in a negative way? Are there some you could add to color your world in a positive way? Do some need cleaning? Feel free to share any ideas you have for doing so in the comments so are other readers can do so as well. While you are in a sharing mood feel free to share this post in any way you see fit. Thank you for reading and sharing.

TAKE THEM WITH YOU

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This is my current work situation. I find myself at one of my favorite coffee shops ready to share with all of you tips that I have learned to make life a more fun, passionate and successful adventure. If you were to be watching me while waiting in line I would appear to be a man typing on his computer by himself. This, in some versions of reality, is exactly what happens. If you were to crawl inside my head, which I warn you is a scary place to be, you would see the situation much different.

Ok, look at the picture above. You see the card sitting on my computer? It is from my lovely lady. When I write outside of the house I miss her and her adorable face quite a bit. This card she gave me was for one of the sweetest reasons too. So, every time I open my computer to write, there she is. Reminding me I have a sweet loving woman to come home to and that I am working for.

What does all this have to do with your life? How can this help us enjoy life more? Well in a multitude of ways. Whenever we do anything in life we are really never alone. At the supermarket trying to figure out the best price? Thank your math teachers and parents who taught you the skills to do so. As I am writing this blog post I am reminded of many people who gave me the language skills and ability to relate to people. My grandfather was a big influence in my life and I learned a great deal from him as well. In fact, lots of things he tried telling me are only now making sense. He continues to teach me long after he passed away.

He is the idea behind this. Think of people in your life and what they bring to the table. Is there a certain person that cheers you up? If they can’t be with you when you are down or facing a sad day take a picture of them with you. Someone who inspired you to always to your best? Take them with you when you are facing a challenge. I have a friend I saw at a charity run a few years back who had his high school gym shirt on. I asked him why he was wearing it and he told me because it reminded him of when he was young and fit. I had to remind him it still fit so he had to be doing pretty good.

These all may sound crazy to you, but symbols really activate emotion and feeling on a level many things can’t. Weather it is having the help of another who can not be physically present or carrying on the memory of a loved one, symbols can be a great link for us. So next time you see me writing away seemingly by myself know there are really a whole group of people sitting with me. That being said, you can still borrow a chair if you need one.

If this post hit home for you please feel free to share it with others so they may be equally inspired.

THE KEY TO EVERYTHING

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People often ask me what the secret to happiness is. They say they have looked for it everywhere. Some even tell me when they are going to be happy. You know the syndrome, “I’ll be happy when…”. These people fail to miss the big point here. Happiness is not a destination, it is a decision. This occurred to me while I was at the gym the other day. In my seminars I teach people that happiness is like working out. If you are in great shape and you stop, you do not stay in the same shape you start to decline. The same is true for happiness. Happiness is a lifestyle. Then something else occurred to me, so are a lot of things in life. Success, as the famous Earl Nightingale said success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. Notice the word ‘progressive’ once you decide, you are a success. The moment you make a committed decision your whole life changes. The moment you say to yourself “I am committed to being happy from this day forward” the universe begins to work with you. Think of anything in life, if you have a successful business and you just stop working at it that business will begin to suffer and decline until it is no more. If you achieve a great position in your company and you stop working you will not have that position for long. Another great thing I have learned is how this translates to the world of relationships. Even if you find yourself in a very healthy and loving relationship if you stop working at it and putting effort in, that relationship will begin to deteriorate.

So the good and bad news is this. There is no place you can get to where things will be ‘done’ and you no longer have to do anything. How is that good news? When you realize nothing is permanent you cherish the joy in life more and you are aware even the toughest times will not last. So today make a decision on what you want to be. Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be successful? Then decide it shall be so and keep acting on it until you are there. Once you arrive be thankful for what you have and begin to discover ways to keep it going. Celebrate the destinations to be sure, but more importantly enjoy the journey.

If you enjoyed what you have read here, please feel free to share this post on your social media page and tell all of your friends. Let’s spread the word of positivity together.

TRUE GREATNESS

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Let me ask you a question, who do you like to be around? More to the point, what qualities do the people you like to be around the most have? I can tell you what people seem to be a challenge for me. See if you share the same opinions. Being in the customer service industry I have seen my fair share of different people. We all have certain things that tend to bother us more than others. Personally, I am not a fan of negative people. This can fit a few different people. I do not like people I say suffer from the “eyeore syndrome” So named after the loveable character in Winnie the Pooh. (Of which it may be noted I am a big fan) You know the souls who can always see the thunderstorm in any rainbow. It seems if you are full of joy they can find a way to damper it. If you are having a bad day they can bring you down even farther. Funny thing is a lot of these people have no desire to change. Some even wear their depression as a badge of honor. Also are judgmental people. Always finding something negative to say about everyone around them. I look at these people as adult bullies. Most of them are usually making up for a lack of confidence in themselves.

Enough about the people we would like to avoid. How about the people we love to hang around with? I have a friend who is rather financially well off. When we go out he insists on paying for everything. Seems like a sweet deal right? Seldom do I take him up on his offer. Why? You might ask. This is why. He makes a point to let me know how well off he is and when I offer to pay makes sure to remind me that I am not as well off. I have another friend who is not as well off. She always has a joke, loves to take silly pictures and tells me how amazing the people she knows are. When I leave the first person I don’t feel very good about myself even though they have treated me to a night out. Leaving the second person I feel not only good about myself, but about life in general.

What this has taught me is one of the most attractive qualities is helping people see the beauty in themselves and the world around them. It has since become my mission statement. I encourage all of you to be the kind of person who makes others feel positive about the world we all share.

If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share with your friends and family. Also please feel free to share it to your social media page.

LIKE NIKE, JUST DO IT!

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We are all guilty of this. We have a great idea of something we can do or say that would make someone’s day. Perhaps sending them a check,  or a gift. Then,  life happens.  We get caught up in the daily grind and by the time we remember it the moment has passed.  Sometimes we haven’t forgotten at all. Sometimes we are waiting for the right resources to be able to give the ‘perfect gift of kindness’. Then the opportunity or sometimes even the person passes away. What I encourage everyone to do is pick 5 people. Just 5 random people in your life. Think of one small random act of kindness you can do for them RIGHT NOW. Can you send a card thanking them for being in your life? Maybe write them a short letter, or even an email if you don’t want to take the time. Just something to inspire a smile. Maybe you can post a little something to their social media page? Bring them a coffee at work? Invite them out for coffee? There are a million possibilities. All I ask is you put something into action. Feel free to leave your ideas, and even how it turned out in the comments below.

If this inspired you or you would like to see the ideas spread, feel free to share this with your friends, relatives and anyone who follows your social media. Working together we can make the world a more positive place!

A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON

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This is a very powerful secret. Why it is a secret I’m not so sure. It is a lesson that is hard if learned too late. Let’s face it, we all get comfortable. Comfort in that fashion can be poison to a good relationship. When we first fall in love all of our thoughts are of that person. We see a flower and we think of their beauty. We see a park and we remember a walk in the park we just had with them, never mind that fact it is not even the same park. We find ourselves at the gas station or grocery store and can’t wait to pick them up a little surprise.

So what happens? Where does all this infatuation go? It is chipped away at by disagreements, the obligations of life, health and a million other factors that take us away from focusing on our love. There is another reason why love fades. Often people treat falling in love like going to school. Once you graduate, or in this case capture the heart of the one you love it’s over. Life begins to take over. It seems a million things call our attention everyday. A project at work needs our attention, lets get to it. Something around the house needs fixing, get to it. After all, your spouse is in love with you that is taken care of, right?

This is where things go wrong. We must look at our love more like working out, or eating healthy. If we go to the gym, work really hard and get in shape then just stop we don’t stay in shape, we begin to decline. Same is true in love. If you work hard, show patience, romance and all of your best traits to get the attention of the one you love and then stop it does not stay at that level. With Divorce rates over 50% it is clear that your spouse may not being willing to settle. This, in some fashion is a good thing. It means that it is more important than ever to keep investing in our relationships. So what can we do?

So what about all of this? What if you find yourself in that very position? Your relationship is starting to lose it’s fire? You find yourself closer to roommates than lovers? Do not fear, in some ways this makes it easier. Your spouse will not expect the little romance and love. Think of what your partner may need. Each person is unique, but in general women wish to know their partner finds them beautiful. They love to feel loved, safe and treasured. Men, on the other hand, like to feel desired, needed and like the most important person in your life. Lovers always like things that make them feel respected, admired and loved. If you let your partner know you are proud to have them by your side, if you can let others know in front of them even better, that will keep them by your side.

If you wish to have a relationship like when you first fell in love you have to do the things you did to have them fall in love with you. Assuming once a person falls in love with you, they will stay in love with you is one of the biggest relationship mistakes you can make. Try to win their heart everyday and I promise you will never lose it. This can be fun for both people. When you try to win the heart of a love you already have, that love only increases and magic literally enters your life. So have fun my romantic friends. Feel free to share any ideas with other readers of things you do to make your lover feel special.

WHAT I HAVE RECENTLY LEARNED

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So it is only a few days into the new year and I am hoping you have a written description of who you want to become. I know I have. Here is the funny thing, I say funny because it sounds better than disappointing. Guess how long it took me to do something contrary to my vision of who I am to become in 2016? I am not sure exactly, but the time frame could be measured in hours. I am sure a lot of us may run into this. Perhaps your goal is to become a healthier version of yourself, but then your coworker brings in their delicious cheese cake they only make once a year. You are halfway through your first piece before you realize it is not quite a healthy meal. Well, allow me to share with you my fall and what I learned.

First, the most important lesson is that if you stumble, you don’t have to stay laying down. You get back up and work even harder. The second thing was a bit more complex. Part of who I want to be is a person who is more careful what they say, especially in emotional situations. Again, I dropped the ball a little with a friend of mine on that one. As I was relaying my disappointment in myself to a trusted friend of mine he shared something similar that happened between him and his wife. “I really screwed up” he began. He went on to explain that in the heat of the disagreement he voiced his opinions and concerns in such a way a man of the religious order would blush. I inquired to whether he apologized and tried to better explain himself. “yeah, but it won’t work. She told me she just keeps replaying everything I said in her head and it is making her feel worse and worse”. I was shocked to hear somebody would do that to themselves. As I soon discovered, a lot of us do.

Let us begin by discussing our emotions. If you have been following my blog for any length of time you know our emotions come from inside us, not from outside circumstances. It is not the actual event that makes us feel a certain way, but what we decide it means. We also have a choice of what to focus on. Truly this gentleman did not always speak to his wife that way, and truly she did things to make him feel loved and happy, not just upset. I know because I have seen how high on love this fellow has been. He seemed sad, but not angry. I asked him if he had thought about the things she may have said or done to make him upset. “Yeah, a little, but I just can’t help but thinking about how cute she looked before I left for work and how much I am missing the love we share” he replied.

The difference was obvious. When someone hurts us, that is on them. Certainly if they say or do something harsh it can cause us great distress. Let’s face it, reflecting on it is a natural and almost automatic response. When we do focus on the painful things people have said or down to us however, we are actually hurting ourselves. In the case of a husband and wife, and even in really close friendships, it should be clear that the intent is never to hurt the other person if the relationship is healthy. Knowing that the other person does not want to hurt us can at the very least, take us from pain and anger to confusion. OK, so if they do not want to hurt us why would they say these things that are so painful? That at least is a better question. Perhaps they are hurt as well? Perhaps there has to be a healthier outlet to discuss such things? Perhaps we had a roll in causing their reaction? Whatever the answer may be this brings up the next point. It changes our focus. When we just replay the hurt in our mind, we are living in the problem. Nothing moves forward and we can literally make ourselves physically sick. When we start to ask the ‘why’ questions and throw in a few thoughts of loving and/or nice things this person may have done, we move towards a solution mindset. Maybe the solution is to remove this person from our life? That would be the most extreme answer, and usually doesn’t come to that, but there are a million other choices. Remove the situation? Refocus? Perhaps change or eliminate the situation?

When we replay negative experiences we also replay the feelings they gave us and essentially hurt ourselves. Would it not make more sense to replay positive situations and the feelings they gave us? Make no mistake, I understand how extremely difficult this can be, but the positive effect it would have on our lives is worth the change.