Here is an interesting fact about the blog you are now reading. It is followed in about 200 countries. This always excites me. The thought that I can bring joy, motivation and inspiration to someone in a country that I may have never even heard of is a gift that I never tire of. When a new country is added to this extensive list, as is the case with South Sudan in the list above, it gives me great pleasure. It also allows me to research and learn about the country and its people so that I may better serve them with my words and ideas. There are a few countries that I have yet to reach. Greenland and some countries in west Africa such as Mauritania, Western Sahara and Niger. This keeps me motivated. Not only is there more people I can inspire and share ideas with in the world, but even in my own country of the United States, in my own state of Wisconsin and my own city of West Allis.
In this photo, everything in pink and red are countries in which we have viewers of this blog. As you can see, we are close to reaching everyone. This can only be achieved with your help. If you would like to see a more positive and inspired world, here is what you can do to help. Share this blog. Tell all of your friends, family and other people you think could benefit from what we share here. Tell them about secret2anamazinglife.com. Share the blog on all of your social media posts. Mostly, no matter what city, state, province or country you find yourself in, please engage and become a part of this blog. Comment your ideas. Share encouragement. It would be great to hear from everyone around the world. Whether that is Fiji, UAE or right down the street. The more opinions we have, the more people we reach, we can all do our part to change and transform the world into a more positive and loving place for all of us to enjoy.
For my valued friends who regularly comment, like and share this blog. I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart. The research, pondering and writing of these posts are done with the intent to make the world a happier and healthier world one soul at a time. I would love to meet all of you and learn where you are from and what you enjoy about what we share here. Let us make 2023 the best year yet!
At this time of year, many of us can find ourselves running around and trying our best to find the perfect gift. Maybe as parents, or even as a spouse, we are trying to figure out how to save enough for the perfect gift. We work overtime. We cut back as much as we can on our expenses. Quite often we are also worried about planning the perfect get together. Stressed about cooking and shopping for that. Couple this with there often being an extreme of weather this time of year. (Hot in the southern hemisphere and cold in the north) and there is so much stress it can leave us, as the picture said, broke, overwhelmed and tired.
This year, let us do it differently. Instead of stressing if the house looks perfect and dinner is done just right, to everyone’s liking, let us just enjoy the company. Instead of saving for the perfect gift, let us focus on the perfect heart-felt gift. Instead of running ourselves ragged, let us plan a day with friends practicing some self-care. That can be a weekend retreat, a group meditation, a paint and sip or just getting together for coffee or a movie. When it comes down to it, do we really remember the toy we got when we were 6? It is far more likely, and more valuable, to give the gifts of memories. If the pandemic taught us anything, it was the gift and value of human companionship. Not only having some, but having quality time together. That is also a skill that is developed.
Looking back at this post, I noticed the words ‘gift’ and ‘value’ several times. It is important to remember what is truly valuable and that is what makes a great gift. Another quick reminder….do not forget to give a gift to one of the most important people in your life…YOU. That is the gift of a stress-free or low stress holiday season.
Have you ever been frustrated because the point you are trying to communicate is misinterpreted? Have you ever felt as though your partner was not showing you any affection? Has your partner ever accused you of the same thing? Do you ever feel like you and your partner are just not on the same page? It might be as simple as the language you are speaking! I am not talking about the difference between French and Zulu. No, this is a far more subtle, but just as different dialect.
We discussed this difference in language on the latest episode of the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. If you would like to increase the quality of the communication between you and that special someone in your life, take a listen. If you want every conversation to feel more effective and effortless, take a listen. If you want to know just what to say or do to make your partner feel loved, take a listen. If you want to feel more love in your relationship and help your partner feel more as well, take a listen. While you do listen, feel free to subscribe. That way you will get these amazing tools and strategies right away and be able to improve the quality of your relationships, and your life, as soon as you are done listening to the episode. It is as simple as clicking on the link below, sitting back, relaxing and listening.
How do you create the relationship of your dreams? How do you know what exactly will make your partner happy? How can you avoid what will make your partner unhappy? Wouldn’t it be great to know what things you could do, say and gifts you could give that would mean the most to the one you love? How about knowing all of these things about any of your relationships? What if it was not only possible, but could be accomplished by using 2 simple steps? Sound too good to be true? It is not and it is easier than you think!
We recently revealed these 2 simple steps on an episode of the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. If you would like to reduce the stress and increase the joy in all of your relationships, especially the one with the special someone, you should listen. If you would love to know the perfect present to get and take the stress out of gift giving, you should take a listen. If you would like to deepen the quality and closeness of all of your relationships, especially the one with your partner, you should listen. It is as simple as clicking the link below and taking a listen. By the end of the episode, you will know the 2 simple steps you can take right now to accomplish all of that and more. Feel free to subscribe and you will be the first to learn these and other secrets to an amazing life!
Here is something that I am quite guilty of. It can be hard for a lot of people who are hard-driving folks. It was brought back to my attention while in conversation over a cup of coffee with my mother the other night. She inquired how things were going. I informed her this very blog you are now reading is now followed in over 200 countries. (Come on Greenland) and that made me very happy. I love connecting with and engaging with like-minded people throughout the world. Then I informed her I was a little frustrated that my podcast did not have a bigger reach. (feel free to listen and subscribe by clicking the link at the end of this post) She reminded me of two very important things. First, I just started it in July or August. Second, that it has already impacted several lives. It is not about the volume, but the quality of the impact that you bring to each individual.
With over 8 billion people now on the planet, I would like to reach, inspire and engage with as many as I can. Engagement is something that is always appreciated. Comments and hearing what people like, and do not like, about the things we share here only help us serve better. Margie is great for reminding me how many people come up to us and say, “I never comment, but I read your stuff all of the time.” Although frustrating, it is great to hear. Nothing makes me more motivated to write than knowing it is connecting with people and making a difference.
You do not have to be a writer for this to be true. When I helped at a local meal program, I did my best not only to serve up a hot plate of food for each guest, but a dose of respect, encouragement and inspiration. Rarely, did you get to see what a difference this made. It would have been far easier to just dish out the food and say nothing. One afternoon a gentleman came up to me and said, “This is the first time anyone has ever called me ‘sir’.” When you show kindness to anyone, but especially those who need it the most, it makes a big difference. As we approach the holiday season, this can be true with clerks in retail locations, servers in restaurants, package delivery people and many of the other workers that make the holiday season brighter for all of us.
We should not stop there. We should really show kindness to everyone we meet. We NEVER know all of the struggles people are facing. They may have lost their job, or are facing reduced hours and a struggle on how they are going to purchase gifts for those they love, or even keep the lights on. They may have lost a loved one, the pain of which is always amplified during the holidays. We may not see it, but who can put a price on the gift of a little kindness. Not only this holiday season, but all year long. Thank you for looking out for one another. Again, as my gift to you, I would love to invite you to subscribe to my podcast at the link below. We discuss a variety of topics and even break down sections of my book. Please click on the link below and give it a listen.
Today we celebrate 10 years of this blog! I began this journey in 2012 with just a desire to share with others the tools and strategies that helped me positively impact my life. I never dreamed it would turn into what it is today. There are many things that I have learned in the past decade of sharing ideas with you. First of all, I am still learning and sharing. Self-improvement is very much like physical fitness. You are never ‘there’. There is always maintaining and learning to do. You will mess up. You will have bad days. Life will throw a whole lot at you and you will need to develop new ways to handle new problems. It is the learning and growing that develops from that which is so rewarding.
I also learned how similar we are. When I started I had…well…zero followers. That was never the goal. Still, my desire to share with and help as many people as I can, allowed this blog to now be followed in over 200 countries and by over 50,000 people. I learned a fellow in Italy and I not only like the same music, but are both dedicated to improving ourselves and have had some of the same influences.
Another thing we are celebrating today is Thanksgiving. It is no coincidence that I started this blog on this day. One primary secret to an amazing life is Gratitude. In my own life, it has done the most to positively transform my life. As I reflect on the last 10 years of my life, one thing I am most grateful for is my lovely lady. Margie has been pushing me outside my comfort zone for as long as I can remember. One of the first examples was putting flyers up for my first book signing. We were in the village of Greendale where I worked for the Post Office. The book signing was to be held at a local coffee shop. I had 2 businesses in mind to put flyers at. One of them being the coffee shop. Margie looked at me and simply said, “No, we are going to ask to put them up at every business in the village!” I was tempted to tell her that I thought she was on the brink of insanity, but she was so cute and so insistent. What I thought was going to be a five minute ordeal inside my comfort zone, ended up being a half a day where she would say, “I’ll go in with you.” Then she would push me towards the counter and disappear and make me promote myself. It made the book signing the success it was. Not much has changed two books later.
There is so much in my life to be grateful for. Just today I was recalling how my grandmother used to make pans of barbeque chicken. The whole family would come over and eat all of the delicious food she would make. These days I am grateful for walks in nature and trips to the gym with my mom and wonderful meals created by my beautiful Margie, who is an amazing cook. I think my Grandmother would have really loved her. I know I do. Come to think of it, that is another secret to an amazing life. Find someone who will love you, but push you outside of your comfort zone and make you develop into the best version of yourself. It doesn’t hurt if they are lovely like my lady.
Today, there is lots for me to feel grateful for. The ability to share with you for 10 years. The ability to reach over 50,000 people in over 200 countries. The fact that my partner also happens to be the most beautiful lady in the world and I get to see her on the pillow next to me every night! That fact that we have wonderful memories to reflect on and the possibility to create even more! Today, I would be so grateful if you would share this website with at least one other soul you think could benefit from learning secrets to an amazing life. Together we can reach many more souls. Maybe in the Congo? Maybe in Greenland? Maybe in the town next to yours. We are all one global family of 8 billion.
A few posts ago, we examined two secrets to a great relationship. If you are looking at strengthening your relationship with that special someone, or really anyone in your life, I suggest you give it a look. After I published that post, there was a lot of reaction. It always makes me happy to have engagement with anything I write. One particular comment brought to attention another very important aspect of a great relationship. If you seriously implement this one relationship tool, it will improve your outlook on your partner and their outlook on you. There will not even be a need for any awkward conversations.
There was a particular comment that brought up a really good point. The young lady shared the secret from turning frustration in her relationship into appreciation. Sounds like it could be an impossible task, but it is easier than you think. In fact, it only takes learning one thing. One of the most frustrating things in a relationship is when you feel your partner does not show enough affection. When you feel you are saying or doing all the right things and they seem unaffected. The only frustration that ranks a close second is when your partner says you are doing the same thing. Quite often, it is not affection that is missing from these relationships, but communication. Even if there is a lot of talking going on, we can often be speaking different languages. Can you imagine trying to solve a problem in a relationship if you spoke Zulu and your partner spoke…let us say French? How easy to you think it would be to understand and appreciate each other’s point of view? How about making each other feel loved or feeling loved yourself?
You might be saying, “Neil, both my partner and I speak the same language, but there still feels like a lack of love.” You might speak the same language, but do you speak the same Love Language? There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I don’t get a commission on sales, but I would recommend getting your hands on a copy. You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner. You will learn the five ways in which people express love. Maybe you are someone who is more verbal (Neil) and you are good with putting your feelings into words. Perhaps you are someone who is more physical (Margie) and instead of some long-winded monologue comparing your growing love to a blossoming flower, you just want to come up and wrap your arms around the person you love. They are both expressing love, but in different ways. Add to that the other 3 languages and you can see how tricky this can get. Do you want to really blow your mind? People do not often express and receive love in the same language. They can express their love verbally, but like to feel it physically. Maybe it is the opposite? Maybe it involves acts of service? How about spending quality time with your partner? Maybe even receiving a gift? If your partner and you speak different love languages, it can often seem as different as Zulu and French.
Just like personality, where your partner can be more silly and you express your humor in a more stoic fashion. Once you realize and acknowledge your differences, you can help balance each other out and help grow and discover different parts of yourself you may have neglected. When Margie and I discovered our different love languages, it really helped us not only understand the communication coming from each other, but how best to communicate with each other. Doing the little exercises in the book The Five Love Languages did involve a little amount of work, but it was fun and exciting work. Discovering how both you and your partner speak and receive love can be one of the most rewarding experiences. It can also help you avoid many miscommunications in the future and help you remedy any disagreements a lot quicker. Imagine having the knowledge of “I know how to make my partner feel loved.” in your head? What a great tool to have!
Here are good friends of Margie and me, Chris and Nicci. Also, the couple that provided the inspiration for this post. Something that Nicci said in her comment is so true. It really made the difference in their relationship, it really made a difference between Margie and I when we implemented it, and I know it will help take your relationship to the next level. She mentioned when they really experienced joy and contentment in their relationship was when they stop looking for each other to express love in specific ways and turned their attention to finding the way that each other was already expressing love that they might be missing. It is important to both look for how your partner does express love and letting them know, lovingly I might add, how you really feel love. If your partner brings you flowers to show they love you and that works for you, great. If they change the oil in your car so you are safe and don’t have to worry about having it done, that is expressing love and caring too. I cannot express how much fun discovering each other’s love languages can be. It worked for Margie and I. It worked for Chris and Nicci. It will work for you as well. Instead of feeling frustrated your partner isn’t exactly as you would like them to be, look for the treasure they have that is already there. You might be missing a lot of love they are expressing.
Last post we discussed 2 actions we could take to help us live an amazing life. If you haven’t read that, I highly encourage you to do so. Today we are going to focus that even further. We are going to look at 2 things you can do to have an amazing relationship. People often ask Margie and I what the secret to our amazing relationship is. In a nutshell, we tell them lots of hard work. That may turn some people off. “I don’t want to be in a relationship that is hard work.” We hear them say. If you want any relationship to be the best it can be, even the relationship with ourselves, it takes work. That work can be some of the most enjoyable and enlightening work you will ever do in your life. The payoff? It is more valuable than gold. The question then becomes what kind of work should we be doing? Let us look at just 2 things you can do daily that will have a huge positive impact. There are endless ways and actions you can take to improve the quality of relationships, but let us start with just 2.
Before we jump into the first secret to an amazing relationship, let me ask you a question. If you worked really hard to get in the best shape of your life, and got there, then stopped working out, what would happen? Would you maintain that physique? Of course not. If you work really hard to create the relationship of your dreams, and you even get there, what would happen if you stopped working on it? Would it remain the relationship of your dreams? If you learned all there was to know about computers, and then stopped learning, where would your knowledge be 2 years from now? Computers are a rapidly changing and advancing field. You would be little better informed that someone who has never turned a computer on. Do you know what changes more rapidly than a computer? People! Specifically, in this case, your partner. You need to grow and develop in this field just to maintain the love that you had, not to mention, growing it to new heights.
The first secret to an amazing relationship may sound basic, but it is not. That first secret is to listen. Not just to formulate a response to what your partner is saying, but to learn. Ask yourself, “What is my partner sharing right now?” or “What is my partner really feeling right now?” Do what is called ‘active listening’. Do not just passively absorb words, but really listen to understand. In an age where everyone is looking to get noticed, how valuable of a gift is it to help someone feel significant and noticed? Why would you not want to do that for the most important person in your life? When we listen to our partners with a desire to increase our knowledge about them, there are so many gifts that come with that. We learn what makes them happy. We learn what does not make them happy. We learn what would make a good gift for them. We learn their hopes and dreams. If we put effort into our listening, we will end up making our life easier and our relationship better.
That leads us into our next secret for an amazing relationship. That is to learn something new about our partners everyday. You may think that you have been together so long, there is nothing left to learn. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many ways to learn about your partner. You can do so by listening with the intent to learn. Keeping the question in your head, “What can I learn about my partner from what they are telling me?” will help you listen intently. You can also learn by observing. When you are out at the grocery store together, notice what brand of ketchup they like. What kind of tortilla chips do they like? Are they the same kind you do? (this is a big one in our house and I can tell you the answer is no.) When you are out celebrating together, notice what dishes they like to order. What do they like to drink? All of these bits of information can serve you and your relationship later. Here is both the gift and the frustration. Once you learn all of these things, a lot of them will change. People learn and grow and their tastes change. That means you will never have your partner 100% figured out. This sounds frustrating, but it is a good thing. You always have an opportunity to learn.
There you have it. Two little things that will make a big difference in your relationship. Imagine learning one thing a day about your partner. In a year you will have learned 365 new things. Even if they are little things, that will make a huge difference in your ability to be a good partner and to create a loving relationship. Many people may think this sounds like too much work. They think they can’t be so disciplined everyday. It is a lot of work, but it will be fun and enjoyable work. Unwrapping your partner and relationship is much like solving a great mystery. When you don’t feel like putting in the work, think of our fitness and computer analogy. Even if you have an amazing relationship at the moment, if you don’t continue to put in effort, it will not stay that way for long. As for being disciplined to work on your relationship everyday? I will just leave you with the quote below.
People ask me what things I do daily that makes a difference in my life. There are a few, but 2 of them I would like to share with you. I cannot urge you enough to add these to your own life. When you hear what they are, you might wonder if I, and more importantly you, have to do them every day. I would respond with a question of my own – Do you really want an amazing life? Do you want less stress and more joy and fulfillment? Do you want to love deeper and laugh more often? Then yes, than you should absolutely do these 2 things every day. You can even do them several times a day, if you are very driven and ambitious. That is not necessary, but will speed up any improvement you will experience.
Just like the picture at the start of this post says, these are small improvements. They are of the 1% variety. You may not think they will make much of an impact or difference. Again, like the picture above, 1% everyday over the course of a year really adds up. It is not, however, 365%. If you know about compounding interest, you are improving 1% on someone who is 1% better than yesterday, so it compounds. Over the course of a year, you will end up 37 times better! All from making small, almost imperceptible shifts once a day. That is a lot of return for not a lot of effort.
Secret number one to creating an amazing life is listen to or read a little something that will help you improve yourself everyday. This doesn’t have to be an entire book. It can be something as simple as a YouTube video. Keeping yourself inspired and motivated is not a one-time event. Zig Ziglar said it best, “People say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” You can listen in your car. You can wake up 15 minutes before the rest of the house to read a few pages of something inspirational. You can listen to an audiobook on your morning commute. There is always time to sneak something in. I cannot convey in words strong enough what a difference this has made in my life. Do not take my word for it. Prove it to yourself. For just one month, listen or read something everyday that inspires or motivates you. I challenge you to prove this to yourself.
The second secret? You guessed it. Learn something, at least one thing, everyday. This can happen in so many different ways. The world and its experiences are teaching us something all of the time. What makes this even more powerful, is if you do some focused learning. Pick a subject that is very important to you and add to your base of knowledge about it. Today, I decided that I should listen to some videos that offered ways in which you could improve your intimate relationships. Now, I think I am a fairly good man to my beautiful Margie. I actually work very hard to be so. That does not change the fact that I do not know everything. If I could improve my wonderful loving relationship by 1% a day for 365 days, how loving would we be? You can spread this knowledge growing around to several subjects. One day it could be videos about improving your relationship. The next day, an audiobook on the way to work about how to increase your self-discipline. The following day? How about a book of parenting tips? The word is full of knowledge to be gained. Even a little bit everyday will make a huge impact.
People ask me if they really have to do this everyday. My answer? No, you have the gift of opportunity to do this everyday. You don’t even need to spend any money. There are resources online, not mention a library in almost every city with thousands of books. Can you imagine having the knowledge of just 1% of those books? Can you picture the positive impact that would have on your life? These are 2 things that I do, without fail, every day. The difference in my life cannot be understated. Do it today!
This is one of the first pictures Margie and I took as a couple. It is also one of my favorites. This morning while I was relaxing and enjoying my morning coffee, I was scrolling through the pictures on my phone looking to eliminate some I did not need anymore. This is always a good practice to do every so often. There was an interesting side-effect to all of this. As Margie worked obsessively on a cake she is making for a contest, I was thinking how adorable I found her even when she is stressed out. Here is a little side note about the love of my life, she is one of those people who look adorable in every picture they take. This always fills me with a mix of pride and envy. I thought of this as I scrolled through my pictures.
As I scrolled through the pictures, I noticed all of the things we have been through and all the moments we have shared. I saw all of the wonderful people we had spent time with. I noticed how we changed (She got cuter, I got older) and the different ways that we showed our love for each other. It made me stop and be grateful for something that I might not always appreciate to the level I should. After all, I have a beautiful lady and have had the opportunity to create a beautiful life with her by each other’s side. This not only holds true for romantic relationships, but friendships as well. Family too. Think of all the years and events that people that have shared life with you. A trip down memory lane may very well strengthen the wonderful feelings you already have for them.
This evening, why not take a moment and put together a group of pictures of someone who means the world to you. This could be a lover, a friend, a parent or a child. You could put a special album of pictures in your phone, you can have a photo album made or make one yourself. Look through it every once in a while and appreciate how much they have added to your life and how different life would be without them. As a bonus, you can do this for yourself. Capture some of your greatest moments throughout the years. Think of not only all you have accomplished, but all you have made it through. This will only make you love your life, and the people in it, more than ever. I am going to leave you with another one of my favorite pictures of the love of my life. It was the first time she ever made me a cup of coffee and was so proud. Proof she is as beautiful as an angel, even first thing in the morning!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 