As you read this, I’m heading back to Wisconsin from Jamaica 🇯🇲. It is a sad day for me as I love the warmth, sun and people of this island. We made many good friends here. We had a few adventures. We ate lots of good food. Most importantly, we made lots of good memories.
The important thing is trying to figure out how to take all of this back home with us. We made friends with another couple who live not far from us and I am going to send them one of my books when I return. We took lots of pictures that will help us recall the fun we had. Margie even bought me a fun matching hat and shirt that I will wear and recall this fun trip.
Like the first picture says, it is what is in your heart that matters most. That is why I feel it is important to have a plan forany major event. Know what you want to take away in your heart. The romantic drawing in the sand has been erased by the tide, but the feeling I had when I saw it coming out of the ocean is fresh in my heart. It is these sort of memories one should include as often as you can in life.
This post comes from the minds of two of my favorite people. First, there is William James. If you read his life story, it is one of failure and depression. He was considered to be a disappointment to his family much of his early life. He then went on to become the father of psychology and was the first to offer it as a course of study. This quote about the power of our thoughts could not be more true. Our thoughts not only determine our emotional well-being and the quality of our lives, but what actions and activities we will pursue. Maintaining positive and self-empowering thoughts is one of the most powerful things we can do. There is one other thought and emotional state that we should focus on to improve the quality of our life. This comes from the second of my favorite people to be included in this post.
Here is another wise and thoughtful philosopher. Yes, it is my beautiful and sometimes crazy lady, Margie. Just this morning she surprised me by waking up with a deep thought that serves as the second part of our post today. It is the importance of living with inner peace. When you live in a state of peace within yourself, the chaos outside can affect you less. When you have peace in your heart, you are far less likely to inflict pain on others. There is a cliché that only hurt people, hurt people. There is a good deal of truth to that statement. The benefits of having inner peace cannot be overstated. It will help foster a feeling of compassion for others. It will help keep you from being negatively in your emotions. It will give you inner strength as well.
The million dollar question then becomes, “How do we develop inner peace?” There is no one quick answer to this question. The answers are as varied as the people trying to put them into action. One of the most important is to attach yourself to a purpose greater than yourself. When life is all about you, it is easy to let the outside world affect you. When you are living for a purpose greater than yourself, it takes a lot more to rattle you. That purpose can range from helping make the world a better place for our animal friends to increasing awareness and action when it comes to child and domestic abuse.
Inner peace can also be achieved a great deal through confronting our demons and putting them to use for us. When we suffer some physical or emotional trauma, especially early in life, it can haunt us and deprive us of our inner peace for the rest of our life. Through the use of a journal, or perhaps seeking professional help, we can confront and conquer these demons. When we do, we can reach back and help others who have faced, and are facing, the same trauma. In this case, we take a liability and turn it into an asset.
It takes work to do all of this. The payoff of developing and working to maintain inner peace benefits ourselves in terms of a healthier emotional state. This can lead to things such as a stronger immune system, increased joy and decreased stress. It can benefit others around us by making us more compassionate and understanding. This will make us a better spouse, friend, parent, coworker and any other role we choose to play. It will benefit the world at large by reducing the amount of stress and setting examples of how better to treat each other. It will also allow us to bring the best version of ourselves to everything we are involved in. This is what the world needs most. I would love to hear all of your suggestions for developing more inner peace.
Here is a point that I have made over and over again. What is right is always available to focus on. Why do more people not do that? Because what is wrong is also available to focus on. I do not have to tell you which one is presented to us more often. That is why both an optimist and a pessimist are equally right when it comes to life. The glass is both half-full as well as half-empty. If this is true, than what does it matter? It matters due to the distinct difference in emotional state that each perception has. Why is emotional state so important? In life, it is the determining factor! It is not money that decides the quality of life. If that were the case, no wealthy people would ever suffer any forms of anxiety or depression. We know that is the case. On the flip side, no poor people would ever be happy. We also know this is not the case.
If it is not finances that determine the quality of life, it must be health right? Having good health plays a big role in our emotional well-being and that is why it is so important to take control of our health and to do what we can to increase the quality of our health. That being said, it is not the determining factor in our emotional well-being. If that were the case, no sick people would ever be happy and no healthy people would ever be sad. In fact, our emotional state can play an important role in our physical healing. When we are in a good emotional place, our immune system is stronger and we are more likely to take actions that will lead to healthier outcomes. Negative emotions, on the other hand, will lower our immune response and can often generate physical ailments in the body. Have you ever worried yourself to a sick stomach? Ever gotten so angry that your blood pressure went through the roof? Imagine what would happen if we continued these emotional states chronically?
We have all heard the saying, “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how you react to it.” The secret to our emotional state is focus and meaning. What we choose to focus on, and what we decide it means. Let us take the most difficult situation any of us can face; losing someone we love. We are going to experience the most terrible emotional pain. That is what happens. With great love we suffer great loss. What will we do with that pain? What will we decide that pain means? Does it mean that God does not love us and our life will be filled with pain? If that is what we decide, then yes. If we decide that it is a reminder of how much we can love and how important it is to cherish and create memories with those we love, than yes, that is what it will mean.
Please do not misunderstand me. I am not trying to minimize the pain of losing someone you love. Whenever you remember them, there will be feelings of loss and sorrow. It is what we do with those feelings that matter. It can serve as a great reminder to communicate with those who are close to the end or facing some serious medical challenges. It can also be a great reminder to create memories with those who are still with us, as life can change in a second.
Tough times and tough situations are never fun. Just remember, in every life there is plenty of good to focus on. This does not mean being ignorant to that which is less than ideal, but to perhaps reframe it so we can put it to use for us instead of allowing it to use us.
Success should not be something that is viewed as complicated. It really isn’t. It is also individually defined. I think this is what may lead to it being viewed as complicated. When some people think of success, they see something like the picture above in their heads. I want to take you back to the reason I started this blog in the first place. In case you are brand new here and have not read any of my previous posts or any of my books, let me tell you quickly how we got here. In three simple words – my life sucked. My job was considering downsizing me. My personal relationships were in the toilet. My finances were close behind. I found myself at a local library attempting to find information on how to turn it all around.
How did that go? Let me ask you this, have you ever been to the self-improvement section of a book store or library? Google “Self-improvement books” and see how many results you get. You would not be able to read all of the titles, much less the books, in your lifetime. I recall this only adding to my frustration at the time. In my head I screamed, “Why can’t there just be a book that would supply simple tools that the average person can use to turn their life around?” Not finding one that appealed to me started the journey of writing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. That book is filled with the information I wish I would have known that day at the local library.
It has been 10 years since I wrote that first book. It has been 20 years that I have been involved in the self-improvement field. To this day, I search for simple ideas that can have a radical transformation on life. It is one of those formulas I want to share with you today. To achieve success in life you really must do one thing. To learn from all situations, both good and bad. It is really that simple. As we grow and evolve in life, it requires learning from experience. When we have a good outcome, learning how we can apply that in other areas of our lives. Did it involve a certain action? Maybe a change in mindset?
Learning and appreciating the gifts that are disguised as ‘negative experiences’ is one of the more difficult, yet rewarding skills in life. We did something wrong? Great! What can we learn from that? Do we need to improve our communication skills? do we need to be more present with those we love? Can we have a better handle on our emotions? Even if we make a mistake, which we all will do, as long as we learn from it we are still going in the right direction.
Our simple formula today can be summed up as this – do more of what works and learn from what doesn’t. If we do nothing more than follow this simple formula, we will be improving and growing every day. That, my friends, is the secret to an amazing life.
This post may sound a little doom and gloom to some of you, but I ask you to hold your judgements until the end. Every great thing in life we are working on doing is a war. I am not always fond of this comparison, but let me explain. I recall hearing my lovely lady sing the song “Love is a battlefield” by Pat Benatar the other day. I recall my thought that night was the same as every time I heard that song. “That is a pretty sad comparison.” Your love should not feel like a battlefield. In some ways, it really is. So it the relationship with you and your children. It is the same when it comes to your career or your mission in life. They are all wars and we are on the battlefield.
Here is an even more dark thought – we will never win these wars. Why? Because they will never end until we do. Are you working to be the best parent you can be? When do you finish that? Is there one thing you can wake up and do that will make you a great parent for the rest of time? If you are a rockstar parent today, does that mean you can ignore your children the rest of the week? If you are a loving and caring spouse today, but you do not consider your partner’s feelings tomorrow, do you think they will refer to you as the best thing that ever happened to them? I am guessing not. These are all wars. They will never end. I do have great news, however.
The good news is that wars are made up of individual battles. In the case of our quest to be the perfect parent, the only way to win that war is to win the battle of today. Did you love enough? Did you listen enough? Were you understanding or condescending? How about being a perfect spouse? Yes, love is a battlefield. There is winning the battle of support for your partner when the world seems to be beating them down. There is the battle of humbling yourself when you make a mistake. You can really apply this to any area of your life. The war will only be decided when are days are up. In the meantime, all we can do is kick ass on the battlefield. The bad news is you may also lose some battles. You may feel disconnected with your kids. You may have a misunderstanding with your spouse. That is fine. You have not lost the war. In fact, you may have gained valuable knowledge that will allow you to do better in future battles.
When you find yourself feeling a little defeated, remember the quote from the famous Russian tennis player above. You may have lost a battle, but that does not mean you have lost the war. Love, work and life in general is a battlefield. What we must focus on is winning as many of those battles as we can. Even though I was taken aback by the theme of the song, my little lady sounded like an angel singing it!
Last Sunday, Margie, my mother and myself attended an ownership meeting for a food co-op that we belong to. One of the themes that was stressed over and over again was a sense of community. There was mention that co-op owners made up a community of concerned citizens doing their best to help small business. That owners of that owners of that particular co-op represented a community of people concerned about access to healthy and sustainable food. It made me think how many different communities each of us belong to. There are so many.
We belong to religious communities. We belong to political communities. We belong to cultural communities. When we are at the grocery store, we belong to a community that shops at that store. In my 23 years of bartending, I noticed that was the main reason people went to corner bars. It wasn’t the delicious and healthy food served there. It wasn’t even the charming and handsome bartender, despite my attempt at believing otherwise. It was a sense of community. For many of them it was a makeshift family.
Many of our communities try to divide us and become exclusive. The first two examples on my list are really good at that. Instead of falling for that, I ask you to take a different approach. Focus on all of the communities you are a part of. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. I am part of the community of people that chose to come to this coffee shop today. In this community there are many different races, ages and genders. I would guess there are many different political beliefs as well, You know what though? We are all in this community. After this, I plan to go to the gym. Another community there. Focus on what groups you are part of. Be inclusive instead of exclusive. It would be fun for you to list some of your favorite communities you are a part of.
Here is a fun activity that will add some joy to your life! (Just in case you didn’t get that from the title) it will take anywhere from 5 minutes to as long as you care to take. When you are done, you will not only have a bigger smile on your face, you will have a heart filled with gratitude! Did I mention it is fun to do as well?😀
Grab a pen and a piece of paper 📃. Then, take a look at the list above. Write the word listed, one at a time. ‘The inspired’ being the first one. Then sit back, smile, and think of everyone in your life that fits that description. For example, in my life, Margie is very inspired. Always thinking of new ideas. When I need help with a flyer for a book signing, I go to her.
Continue to go through the list. One word at a time. List everyone in your life that fits that description. Take your time. Picture them in your mind’s eye and write their name down. Another example in my own life, under ‘open-minded’ I would put my friend Nick. He is always open to consider new people and their points of view.
Go through each word and come up with as many names as you can. When you are done, you will have a list of people who bring out some great qualities you may need a boost in. You will also have a new-found appreciation for the amazing people in your life!😀
BONUS!!! If you want to take this to the next level, and because you read a blog like this I assume you would, here is a little something you can add. Think of qualities you either would like to grow, or maybe ones you lack. Then, write those words down. It could be patience, inner peace, kindness or any other quality. Then, do what we did here. Write all the names of people in your life that have that quality. You will end up with a list of people you should spend more time with!
DOUBLE BONUS!!! As another way to help develop and surround yourself with the right people and attitudes, apply these same techniques to celebrities. When you discover what celebrities define ‘motivated’ to use an example from the picture above, (that would be Inky Johnson and Dwayne Johnson for me) write their names down. Then you can watch their videos on YouTube, listen to their podcasts or read their books.
I would love to hear some examples from your life of people who fit the descriptions above. Please let me know how this fun activity will help your life. 😀
As we start a new week, it is crucial to keep in mind what is really important. In today’s world, it can seem like we are surrounded by negativity. It can seem overwhelming to try and change. One of the most powerful things we can do is to just be nice to each other.
In my upcoming book, I highlight the benefits of being nice. One of the main reasons is that it makes you significant. You want to be important to someone or in the world in general? Find a way to serve. That can be helping someone. It can be making them feel loved and valuable. Who wouldn’t want to have someone in their lives that helps them or makes them feel loved and valuable?
Lastly, being nice to one another is the key to changing the world. We are going to look a little more into this next post. It may seem like one person couldn’t make a difference, but large groups of people are made up of individuals. It has to start with someone. Why can’t that person be you? Why can’t it be me? It can and it should.
Last post we celebrated my mother for her birthday. Here it is Valentine’s Day and I have yet another amazing woman in my life to celebrate! My beautiful (although she is not just beauty) lady Margie! We certainly did not come together in the usual way. If you are interested in that story, it will be in my upcoming fourth book which will be due out in late spring/early summer. We have faced our share of many up and downs! In many ways we are still learning each other. We both work extremely hard and sadly do not have as much time together as either of us would like.
Whether we are working hard together when we DJ, or separate when she is doing cakes and I am writing, we always support each other. We have learned to respect when one of us has reached their limit and have a balance of picking each other up when we are down. There are times when one of us may be tired or out of commission and the other has to pick up the slack. The one thing we both work hard on is our relationship. It may look like we have it all figured out on the outside, but there are countless hours of late night talks and discussions that lead to compromises and getting to know each other even deeper.
From the moment she first brought me a cup of coffee, (still one of my favorite pictures of her) to now when she occasionally joins me for one, I will never get tired of seeing that smile! She never fails to amaze me with how naturally beautiful she is. A beauty which seems to just come shining out her pores from within. Did I mention how much I love her smile? Simple times at home with her are some of my favorite times we share.
Although times at home are my favorite, we certainly have fun when we are out together. Even if it is a simple trip to the grocery store, we always make sure to share some laughter and more importantly, a lot of love. We share some of our favorite things together. We have both went to see people that we like in concert together. We love vacations together. We left the country and still saw several people we both knew. We are always up for new and exciting adventures!
She is about the only person who can get away with disturbing me when I am trying to sleep. Though she doesn’t really often do so on purpose. Still, anytime that we can spend in bed wrapped in each other’s arms we take advantage of. She likes it when I read to her. That way we not only both get some knowledge, but share in a moment of bonding. One of my favorite things that we do together. Sometimes we even just lay there talking about life and our dreams and goals.
It is Valentine’s Day today. Do not be one of those cynical souls who talk about this being a holiday for the greeting card companies. You do not need to do any material exchanges at all. Instead, celebrate that among all of the things that we choose to celebrate those that we love most. Yes, I am very aware this is something that we should celebrate every day. You never know what tomorrow brings. It is nice, however, to have a day that is set aside just to focus on Love. In a world where we all too often focus on negative things such as war or gossip, let us take today to focus on love and those we share it with. I am so happy I have someone so special to share my day with.
Where you come from matters. The influences in life you have as you are young and developing play an important role in your adult life. They can be something you have to work to overcome, or if you are lucky, they can be good building blocks. Today is my mother’s birthday. As you can see, I learned a lot from her. Including, but not limited to, my unique eating style. I was fortunate enough to be instilled with many good skills and habits that have served me as I grew older.
Despite not teaching me how to win a “Howl like a wolf” contest, she has taught me many a great thing. My ability to get along with people had much of it’s genesis in watching her. I recall, when we were young, we took the public bus many places. In an attempt to keep her curious son from wandering off, or talking to people he shouldn’t, we played games. One of the ones I remember best was doing the vocabulary tests out of the magazine Reader’s Digest. In hindsight, it was a little above my age grade. Due to that, I now have a rather large vocabulary.
We have even met celebrities like Smokey Bear on his 75th birthday! There are many things we do to this day that are quite a lot of fun. A few are listed below. Check out both the fun pictures and the amazing things that we explore together.
We go for many hikes in nature. This not only helps keep us healthy, but satisfies both of our appreciation for all things natural. We explore different parks and forests.
We attend different cultural events together, such at the Octoberfest in the picture above. It is fun learning about different cultures and trying their cuisine.
We do various run/walks for charity. Some of them even include a tasty cream puff at the end. This not only helps us do our best to improve our health, but allows us to help others as we do. Yet another thing that I learned from my mother.
We attend and support different activities in the community. Like a soup crawl in the dead of winter. It takes special convincing to get me out when the temperature is cold. Even if her and Margie did enjoy making bracelets.
Speaking of winter! My mom may be the only person who likes our zoo as much as me. We even attended a winter event that featured many beautiful light displays. We could both go to the zoo every day. It was much to her dismay we were not able to take a picture with the otters on this day.
It may be said that nobody enjoys the Wisconsin State Fair more than I do. My mom does come close and Margie is starting to get there. We go and enjoy trying some of the new foods. (I am telling you mom, you missed out with the gummy bear brat) We always watch the awards they hand out and walk around to look at the art and the gardens.
Over the years we have done many things together. We have went on vacations, went to all of the places above and more! Whether it is exciting locations like these, or just getting together for a nice cup of coffee, we always have a lot to talk about, which might be something else I got from her. So I just wanted to take a special moment and say “Happy Birthday” to my mom. Also, to say “Thank you” for playing a large part in the man that I have become today. I love you so much for all that you do and who you are. I am grateful for the best mom on earth. I hope you have the most amazing day!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 