Tag: Love

YOU WILL NEVER WIN THE WAR ðŸĪš

This post may sound a little doom and gloom to some of you, but I ask you to hold your judgements until the end. Every great thing in life we are working on doing is a war. I am not always fond of this comparison, but let me explain. I recall hearing my lovely lady sing the song “Love is a battlefield” by Pat Benatar the other day. I recall my thought that night was the same as every time I heard that song. “That is a pretty sad comparison.” Your love should not feel like a battlefield. In some ways, it really is. So it the relationship with you and your children. It is the same when it comes to your career or your mission in life. They are all wars and we are on the battlefield.

Here is an even more dark thought – we will never win these wars. Why? Because they will never end until we do. Are you working to be the best parent you can be? When do you finish that? Is there one thing you can wake up and do that will make you a great parent for the rest of time? If you are a rockstar parent today, does that mean you can ignore your children the rest of the week? If you are a loving and caring spouse today, but you do not consider your partner’s feelings tomorrow, do you think they will refer to you as the best thing that ever happened to them? I am guessing not. These are all wars. They will never end. I do have great news, however.

The good news is that wars are made up of individual battles. In the case of our quest to be the perfect parent, the only way to win that war is to win the battle of today. Did you love enough? Did you listen enough? Were you understanding or condescending? How about being a perfect spouse? Yes, love is a battlefield. There is winning the battle of support for your partner when the world seems to be beating them down. There is the battle of humbling yourself when you make a mistake. You can really apply this to any area of your life. The war will only be decided when are days are up. In the meantime, all we can do is kick ass on the battlefield. The bad news is you may also lose some battles. You may feel disconnected with your kids. You may have a misunderstanding with your spouse. That is fine. You have not lost the war. In fact, you may have gained valuable knowledge that will allow you to do better in future battles.

When you find yourself feeling a little defeated, remember the quote from the famous Russian tennis player above. You may have lost a battle, but that does not mean you have lost the war. Love, work and life in general is a battlefield. What we must focus on is winning as many of those battles as we can. Even though I was taken aback by the theme of the song, my little lady sounded like an angel singing it!

THE POWER OF COMMUNITY ðŸ›’

Last Sunday, Margie, my mother and myself attended an ownership meeting for a food co-op that we belong to. One of the themes that was stressed over and over again was a sense of community. There was mention that co-op owners made up a community of concerned citizens doing their best to help small business. That owners of that owners of that particular co-op represented a community of people concerned about access to healthy and sustainable food. It made me think how many different communities each of us belong to. There are so many.

We belong to religious communities. We belong to political communities. We belong to cultural communities. When we are at the grocery store, we belong to a community that shops at that store. In my 23 years of bartending, I noticed that was the main reason people went to corner bars. It wasn’t the delicious and healthy food served there. It wasn’t even the charming and handsome bartender, despite my attempt at believing otherwise. It was a sense of community. For many of them it was a makeshift family.

Many of our communities try to divide us and become exclusive. The first two examples on my list are really good at that. Instead of falling for that, I ask you to take a different approach. Focus on all of the communities you are a part of. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. I am part of the community of people that chose to come to this coffee shop today. In this community there are many different races, ages and genders. I would guess there are many different political beliefs as well, You know what though? We are all in this community. After this, I plan to go to the gym. Another community there. Focus on what groups you are part of. Be inclusive instead of exclusive. It would be fun for you to list some of your favorite communities you are a part of.

A FUN ACTIVITY THAT WILL ADD JOY TO YOUR LIFE ðŸŒž

Here is a fun activity that will add some joy to your life! (Just in case you didn’t get that from the title) it will take anywhere from 5 minutes to as long as you care to take. When you are done, you will not only have a bigger smile on your face, you will have a heart filled with gratitude! Did I mention it is fun to do as well?😀

Grab a pen and a piece of paper 📃. Then, take a look at the list above. Write the word listed, one at a time. ‘The inspired’ being the first one. Then sit back, smile, and think of everyone in your life that fits that description. For example, in my life, Margie is very inspired. Always thinking of new ideas. When I need help with a flyer for a book signing, I go to her.

Continue to go through the list. One word at a time. List everyone in your life that fits that description. Take your time. Picture them in your mind’s eye and write their name down. Another example in my own life, under ‘open-minded’ I would put my friend Nick. He is always open to consider new people and their points of view.

Go through each word and come up with as many names as you can. When you are done, you will have a list of people who bring out some great qualities you may need a boost in. You will also have a new-found appreciation for the amazing people in your life!😀

BONUS!!! If you want to take this to the next level, and because you read a blog like this I assume you would, here is a little something you can add. Think of qualities you either would like to grow, or maybe ones you lack. Then, write those words down. It could be patience, inner peace, kindness or any other quality. Then, do what we did here. Write all the names of people in your life that have that quality. You will end up with a list of people you should spend more time with!

DOUBLE BONUS!!! As another way to help develop and surround yourself with the right people and attitudes, apply these same techniques to celebrities. When you discover what celebrities define ‘motivated’ to use an example from the picture above, (that would be Inky Johnson and Dwayne Johnson for me) write their names down. Then you can watch their videos on YouTube, listen to their podcasts or read their books.

I would love to hear some examples from your life of people who fit the descriptions above. Please let me know how this fun activity will help your life. 😀

IMPORTANT ON A MONDAY â€žïļ

As we start a new week, it is crucial to keep in mind what is really important. In today’s world, it can seem like we are surrounded by negativity. It can seem overwhelming to try and change. One of the most powerful things we can do is to just be nice to each other.

In my upcoming book, I highlight the benefits of being nice. One of the main reasons is that it makes you significant. You want to be important to someone or in the world in general? Find a way to serve. That can be helping someone. It can be making them feel loved and valuable. Who wouldn’t want to have someone in their lives that helps them or makes them feel loved and valuable?

Lastly, being nice to one another is the key to changing the world. We are going to look a little more into this next post. It may seem like one person couldn’t make a difference, but large groups of people are made up of individuals. It has to start with someone. Why can’t that person be you? Why can’t it be me? It can and it should.

FROM ONE AMAZING WOMAN TO ANOTHER!ðŸ‘Đ

Last post we celebrated my mother for her birthday. Here it is Valentine’s Day and I have yet another amazing woman in my life to celebrate! My beautiful (although she is not just beauty) lady Margie! We certainly did not come together in the usual way. If you are interested in that story, it will be in my upcoming fourth book which will be due out in late spring/early summer. We have faced our share of many up and downs! In many ways we are still learning each other. We both work extremely hard and sadly do not have as much time together as either of us would like.

Whether we are working hard together when we DJ, or separate when she is doing cakes and I am writing, we always support each other. We have learned to respect when one of us has reached their limit and have a balance of picking each other up when we are down. There are times when one of us may be tired or out of commission and the other has to pick up the slack. The one thing we both work hard on is our relationship. It may look like we have it all figured out on the outside, but there are countless hours of late night talks and discussions that lead to compromises and getting to know each other even deeper.

From the moment she first brought me a cup of coffee, (still one of my favorite pictures of her) to now when she occasionally joins me for one, I will never get tired of seeing that smile! She never fails to amaze me with how naturally beautiful she is. A beauty which seems to just come shining out her pores from within. Did I mention how much I love her smile? Simple times at home with her are some of my favorite times we share.

Although times at home are my favorite, we certainly have fun when we are out together. Even if it is a simple trip to the grocery store, we always make sure to share some laughter and more importantly, a lot of love. We share some of our favorite things together. We have both went to see people that we like in concert together. We love vacations together. We left the country and still saw several people we both knew. We are always up for new and exciting adventures!

She is about the only person who can get away with disturbing me when I am trying to sleep. Though she doesn’t really often do so on purpose. Still, anytime that we can spend in bed wrapped in each other’s arms we take advantage of. She likes it when I read to her. That way we not only both get some knowledge, but share in a moment of bonding. One of my favorite things that we do together. Sometimes we even just lay there talking about life and our dreams and goals.

It is Valentine’s Day today. Do not be one of those cynical souls who talk about this being a holiday for the greeting card companies. You do not need to do any material exchanges at all. Instead, celebrate that among all of the things that we choose to celebrate those that we love most. Yes, I am very aware this is something that we should celebrate every day. You never know what tomorrow brings. It is nice, however, to have a day that is set aside just to focus on Love. In a world where we all too often focus on negative things such as war or gossip, let us take today to focus on love and those we share it with. I am so happy I have someone so special to share my day with.

WHERE YOU COME FROM MATTERS!ðŸĪą

Where you come from matters. The influences in life you have as you are young and developing play an important role in your adult life. They can be something you have to work to overcome, or if you are lucky, they can be good building blocks. Today is my mother’s birthday. As you can see, I learned a lot from her. Including, but not limited to, my unique eating style. I was fortunate enough to be instilled with many good skills and habits that have served me as I grew older.

Despite not teaching me how to win a “Howl like a wolf” contest, she has taught me many a great thing. My ability to get along with people had much of it’s genesis in watching her. I recall, when we were young, we took the public bus many places. In an attempt to keep her curious son from wandering off, or talking to people he shouldn’t, we played games. One of the ones I remember best was doing the vocabulary tests out of the magazine Reader’s Digest. In hindsight, it was a little above my age grade. Due to that, I now have a rather large vocabulary.

We have even met celebrities like Smokey Bear on his 75th birthday! There are many things we do to this day that are quite a lot of fun. A few are listed below. Check out both the fun pictures and the amazing things that we explore together.

We go for many hikes in nature. This not only helps keep us healthy, but satisfies both of our appreciation for all things natural. We explore different parks and forests.

We attend different cultural events together, such at the Octoberfest in the picture above. It is fun learning about different cultures and trying their cuisine.

We do various run/walks for charity. Some of them even include a tasty cream puff at the end. This not only helps us do our best to improve our health, but allows us to help others as we do. Yet another thing that I learned from my mother.

We attend and support different activities in the community. Like a soup crawl in the dead of winter. It takes special convincing to get me out when the temperature is cold. Even if her and Margie did enjoy making bracelets.

Speaking of winter! My mom may be the only person who likes our zoo as much as me. We even attended a winter event that featured many beautiful light displays. We could both go to the zoo every day. It was much to her dismay we were not able to take a picture with the otters on this day.

It may be said that nobody enjoys the Wisconsin State Fair more than I do. My mom does come close and Margie is starting to get there. We go and enjoy trying some of the new foods. (I am telling you mom, you missed out with the gummy bear brat) We always watch the awards they hand out and walk around to look at the art and the gardens.

Over the years we have done many things together. We have went on vacations, went to all of the places above and more! Whether it is exciting locations like these, or just getting together for a nice cup of coffee, we always have a lot to talk about, which might be something else I got from her. So I just wanted to take a special moment and say “Happy Birthday” to my mom. Also, to say “Thank you” for playing a large part in the man that I have become today. I love you so much for all that you do and who you are. I am grateful for the best mom on earth. I hope you have the most amazing day!

WANT TO FEEL YOUNGER? TRY TIME TRAVEL!

Isn’t this a nice idea? Want to be younger? Just go back in time! Look at the picture of a young Neil above. Back then I didn’t have any aches or pains. I didn’t feel like taking a nap at two o’clock in the afternoon. I was certainly more flexible. I know what you are thinking, “Neil, time travel is not possible.” Other than certain celebrities who seem not to age, for the rest of us this may be true. Then again, it might not. There was a study, I apologize for not being able to find the exact information, on a group of elderly individuals. They created a town that mimicked everything from their youth. The movie theater showed movies from when they were young. The music they had playing was from their era. The restaurant had dishes that were popular when they were young. What happened? After a period of time, their telomeres lengthened. Those are the the ends of our chromosomes that indicate our aging. Longer telomeres are related to a more youthful appearance and feeling. The question is, how can we lengthen our telomeres, or at least keep them from getting shorter?

According to this study, surrounding yourself with stuff from your youth will help. This idea occurred to me when I found myself listening to some songs from when I was younger. Not only was I taken back to that period mentally, but it seemed to give me a little extra boost. Same can be said for watching movies, television shows and even commercials from when you were young. Have you ever felt that? You watch a movie, listen to some music or maybe even go to a restaurant that reminds you of your youth and suddenly, you start to feel a little younger? Maybe a little spring in your step or smile on your face? That brings us to a few other things you can do to help maintain, or recapture your youth.

If you search about how to lengthen your telomeres on the internet, it will tell you a diet rich in beans, legumes, nuts and seaweed will help. I don’t know about you, but there is only so much seaweed I can eat in one sitting. There are two other activities that I find more enjoyable than sharing lunch with a manatee. The first is brisk walking. Going for a brisk walk is one of the healthiest things you can do. If you happen to walk in nature, there are even more benefits. Now, we learn it can also help make you younger. I can hear my mom celebrating this news as she is reading it. Here is something else that my mom, myself, and I am sure many of you can celebrate as well. Coffee has also been shown to help with the length of your telomeres. Coffee helps you stay young? I was very happy to read this news. I am sure they do not mean the 40 cups a day the author Voltaire drank. I am guessing he did most of his writing sitting on a porcelain throne. For the rest of us, a cup or two a day just might to the trick to keep us young.

Here is the last secret to regaining your youthful spirit. Do your best to surround yourself with young people. People who can find the joy in life. People who can just act silly. People who are young and young at heart. As you can see, I have one silly lady to call my own. Margie always has a silly comment or action that is only a moment away. Conversely, stay away from people who will make you older. You know the ones. The “whoa is me” people. The ones who are always complaining or telling you how awful the world is. There are certain people that after listening to them, you can end up exhausted. Do your best to stay away from those folks. They could literally be sucking the life out of you. Instead, spend more time with people who will make you laugh. People who will always find the good in others and the world around them. It may save your life. It certainly will extend it.

Time travel itself may be a few years off, but with these tips and tricks we can feel young. This will if not add years to our life, add some life to our years! I would love to hear anything you do that helps you feel more youthful.

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE OF THISðŸĪ”

Pick a situation in your life. It can be one you are happy with, or one you are not so thrilled with at the moment. Now, here is the fun part – start thinking backwards. The quote above is very true. We are where we are in life because of the choices we have made. This is a good thing. Taking responsibility for where we are gives us control. Many people confuse responsibility for blame. The two are not the same. When you blame someone, or something, for where you are, you give them or it control. When you take responsibility for your life, you assume control over it. What I meant about thinking backwards is looking at the decisions that have taken you to where you are currently, whether that is good or bad.

Even bad situations leave a key to success. Think about what decisions have left you where you are. Maybe you were not disciplined enough in your health and now you find yourself out of shape, or in a healthy crisis. Maybe you didn’t show up for work on time and now you find yourself on probation or looking for work. If you did not act loving and compassionate to your partner, you might be looking for a new valentine. Most people stop here. They might even stick around and beat themselves up over it. This gets us nowhere except feeling bad about ourselves.

Instead, look at how you can make better decisions next time. This is where the difference in blame and responsibility come into play. If you say, “Well, I couldn’t make it into work on time because they kept changing my schedule.” or “If the boss would have been nicer, I would have been more inclined to be there.” How about, “My partner was always nagging me so I snapped.” If you put the blame on others, you are more likely to make the same mistakes next time. Let us face it, finding the perfect schedule, boss or partner is impossible. If we did, they might not keep us around because we are not perfect. We also will feel helpless and not control of your own life. When take responsibility for your own role in your life, you know you can change it. You can show up on time, even if they change your schedule. If your partner does something to irritate you, there are better ways to communicate that and change it. You have control over all of those things.

Harry Truman, one of my favorite presidents, had a sign on his desk that said “The buck stops here.” Meaning, he was in charge of the country, so for good or bad, it was his responsibility. Imagine a politician with that attitude these days! We have been looking at how negative situations can be a great teaching tool, but what about positive ones? We can look at what decisions have helped us arrive there as well. Did we help someone in need and now they have helped us? Maybe we put in the work on a project and now we find ourselves done ahead of time and with a little freedom? We really worked to better ourselves and now we find we have more friends and our spouse is more in love with us than ever! We must look at what positive decisions we made. To take it to another level. See if you can apply these good decisions to an area of your life that may not be working so well. If you have been paying compliments and showing appreciation to your coworkers , but things are not going so good at home, maybe try being a little more attentive there. If you have been doing your 20 squats every day, but you are weeks behind on writing your fourth book (hypothetically) then apply making small efforts every day to that.

Taking responsibility for your lot in life is not blaming yourself. It is taking responsibility and control of your own life. It is using what you can learn from both the good and the bad to make the best out of the life you have left. What decisions have you made that you can learn from?

THE SECRET TO GROWING AN AMAZING LIFE ðŸŒī

Here we are again, talking about daily habits. Why is this such a hot topic lately? It is because, as John Maxwell puts it, “The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” We have been discussing habits, routines and daily actions a lot here lately. We have seen how a seemingly insignificant action (20 squats) done over the course of enough time (200 days) can have a huge impact. Think of turning on your facet to just barely drip. Then place a glass underneath it. By the time you wake up, you will have a nice glass of water ready to drink.

We have been using this method to accomplish things such as keeping up with a healthy fitness habit. It can be used for things far greater. Let us look at your relationships. This could be coworkers, friends, family or your intimate partner. One of the ideas we gave for sticking with your habit was to set an alarm on your phone to remind you. What if you set an alarm for 5 minutes after you left work to remind you to give your spouse a sincere compliment? What if you set it for 5 minutes before work to remind yourself to show your coworkers signs of appreciation? It may not make a difference in the short-term, but hearing a sincere compliment or appreciation will strengthen and grow that relationship. Trust me, I use this myself. I no longer need to set an alarm, as it has just become part of a daily practice. Still, it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder.

Even if your compliments fall flat. Even if your signs of appreciation may seem…well…unappreciated, the effort will not. Your daily sincere compliments or signs of appreciation, or squats for that matter, are showing that you are trying to bring a better version of you to the table. That will always make you more attractive. Not to mention those squats will do wonders for your backside! Daily habits are the key to success in any endeavor. Think of what daily habits you can use to set yourself up for success!

ONLY 2 WAYS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE âœŒïļ

I ended my third book with this quote. It is an interesting truth. Mr. Einstein was one of the smartest people to grace our planet and I have to admit he came up with a good one here. Going through my surgery and brief flirtation with death did give me a new perception on things. Leading up to the surgery, I think was even more profound. I am going to share this with you in hopes that you will not have to be sawed in two like I was to be able to see everything like a miracle.

How do we begin to see everything as a miracle? We take this bit of advice from another wise soul, Dr. Wayne Dyer. Changing the way we look at things is such a valuable tool that many of us do not use often enough. Let us start with a big one – life. In my book, The Beat Goes On, I share a story about being at the movies with Margie 2 months before my surgery. As we were watching superheroes rid the world of a host of evil villains, it occurred to me that I could be dead a mere 60 days from now. That may sound morbid, and a bit scary, to some of you. It wasn’t to me at the time. What it did serve to do was give me a swift kick in the rear end. Time was ticking. The sand was falling through the hourglass. I looked at Margie and realized that every second ticking by was one less I would have with her. If I only had 2 months, what did I want to tell her? What did I want to do together? How did I want to make her feel? Life had never felt so precious to me. If you want to hear more of this story, I highly suggest checking out my book.

It should be pretty obvious, but just in case it is not, I made it through. It would be tricky to be writing this if I didn’t. What I was left with was not only a really cool scar on my chest, but that sense of urgency. What I realized is that every day, every second is still one less that we get to spend with each other. Not just Margie and I, but everyone in my life. We never know how much sand is in the top of the hourglass, or how much time we have left. All we know is it is less than it was before. When you lay down and night, realize one more day on the planet has ticked by for you. Did you use it well? Were there some things you could have done better? Think of what did go right and the fact that you made it through. Give thanks for that. Really feel that sense of gratitude that your ticket was not punched that day.

When you wake up tomorrow, give a big stretch and be grateful that you made it to another day. Then, realize that the sand is still flowing through the hourglass. How are you going to make the most of this day? Are you going to do something to build your legacy? Are you going to take some time to relax and enjoy the beauty of nature? You could explore the world of a new book. How about telling someone how much you truly love them? Time is ticking. Get every drop out of the juice of life. Live your life as if everything is a miracle, because it really is.