Tag: Learning

LET’S GET STARTED!!!

Last post we talked about improving our lives. Here is one simple way we can do just that. Work on strengthening our decision muscle. It is true one decision can literally change our lives. The decision to say “It’s over!” or “Let’s begin!”. Can you think of some decision you have made that has totally changed your course of life? Going to work at a certain place of employment? Dating a certain person?

Let us decide to make one new decision that will positively affect our lives. Before we do so, however, let us look at what it actually means to decide. According to membean.com “The root word cis and its variants cid and -cide come from a Latin root which means to ‘cut’ or ‘kill.’ A decision, for instance, is a ‘cutting off’ of all possibilities except for one; if you are decisive you have ‘killed’ all other options.” Think of that, you have killed all other options.

I like to use the word ‘declare’ more than the word ‘decide’. I feel it has more emotional power. If you decide you are going to be more healthy, you could decide tomorrow you are going to eat a whole pizza. On a side note, these two things have both happened to me in the past. When you ‘declare’ something it is like shouting it from the rooftops. You are saying “this is how it is going to be no matter what.” If you are faced with an obstacle you work around it. If you do not succeed at some point, you pick yourself up and start again.

Great lives were created one decision at a time. Let us all choose one decision to change our life today. Feel free to share your inspiring decision in the comments below.

IT IS THE SMALL THINGS 

In reflection it has come to my attention how many moments that seemed insignificant at the time ended up being life-changing. Here is what I mean. When a friend suggested in 2006 I see the movie ‘The Secret’ I thought it would be just another movie. It turned out to change the way I look at the world. When I ordered my first Tony Robbins product off an infomercial I thought it would end up on a shelf collecting dust. Now I practice a lot of what I learned from that. In addition I have made my life’s mission to help others learn how to better their lives and the world around them. When I started this blog which is going on 500 posts ago, I thought it would merely be an outlet for my philosophical musings. It has turned into a book A Happy Life for Busy People as well as several speaking engagements.

Even when my boss at the time told me that my hours at the post office were going to be cut from 45 a week to 10 due to down-sizing I thought that was going to be a major negative moment. It was that event that pushed me into the self-improvement field. So never underestimate the effect that things can have on you. Keep your ears and mind open. Also stay present in the moment to be able to take from life what you can. Each moment presents its own lessons and its own opportunities. Make sure to grab them all.

Lastly, some moments may not become important until long after they have passed. My grandfather was a very important figure in my life and taught me many things. Some of which I thought were crazy or even disagreed with at the time. He passed away years ago, but often I find myself thinking of things he said and appreciating them in a whole different level. He is still teaching me long after he is gone. Sometimes there are things you have to experience, or a place in life you have to be before the lesson can be fully appreciated.

The takeaway here is to soak up everything in life. It may seem insignificant at the time, but you never know when it may be just want you need!

THE MAGIC KEY

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When I first saw this picture I thought “that is kind of redundant”. Actually it is quite profound. Seeing the best in the world, or the ‘glass half full’ is a good part of what keeps me happy. Does that mean denying the half of your glass that is empty? Not at all. It is merely focusing on the part that is full.

In my own life there have been countless situations that could certainly look terrible. If you need an example please see the previous post about the pigeon. I know that in life whatever you look for you will find. Stop and read that last line again, maybe even a third time. Let it sink in. This is really the key to both happiness and success in your life. If you are focused on what is working in your life and what there is to enjoy and be happy about you will find it. Truth is that it is there all along just waiting to be noticed.

My law of attraction friends will tell  you that whatever you focus on expands. I believe that, but I also believe this: the more you focus on something the better you get at finding it. It may seem like more of what you are focusing on is appearing, but I also think you are also noticing more of what is already there.

Why is this so important? Let’s recap. What you focus on both expands and you tend to notice that thing easier and more often. That means you get to choose what your life will be filled with! Want joy and prosperity? Start to look for all the opportunities for both joy and prosperity in your life. Now, before you say “Neil, I try but there are still problems” that is true, we need to focus on them only enough to develop and begin working on a solution. After that, switch to what you have to be grateful for.

If you are anything like me, you may still have some lingering doubts. That’s good, do not accept what I am saying without proving it to yourself. I have a little experiment for you. Try this for at least 3 days, more if you like. Pick a color you enjoy. Mine would be blue, but pick whatever color you like. As often as you can for the next couple of days try to notice all the things of that color when you enter a room. By about the end of the third day you should notice something. Things of your determined color seem to jump out at you. They seem to be all over the place. This experiment works easier because there is no emotion attached. Changing to a positive focus takes a little more work, but you can see how it will happen using this little activity. Do it with a friend. Compare your results and discuss them with each other. Share this post with others and get them involved as well. Remember you create your own life.

HOW TO ALL GET ALONG…

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This has always been one if my favorite bumper stickers. Recently the tragic events in Orlando have sparked some interesting debates. I have heard people speak out against the LGBT community,  I have heard certain people speak out against the Muslim community. There have been arguments on both side of the gun issue. There have been both praises and criticism of law enforcement and government. I even heard a republican broadcast mention the shooter was a registered democrat.

Whenever tragedy strikes people want to look for something to blame. It gives them comfort and a false sense that they can correct the ‘problem’ once they assign blame to what they think the problem may be. It is this kind of thinking that is the problem. Your sexual orientation does not make you kill people. Your ideology does not make you kill people. Certainly what political party you vote for does not make you more or less likely to commit violent acts. Yes, it would be easy (and very naïve) to say all members of this religion are bad, or if you vote in this political party you are to blame for all of the worlds ills. When I hear statements such as this it makes me think the person making them is not very well educated.

So what does cause people to harm others? To be filled with such hate that they resort to violence? It is the inability to coexist with others who are different from them. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and if we cannot get along with others who may do things that we would not every day will be a long day. I am not saying you have to be in agreement with everyone that would be ridiculous and very boring actually. Still, being able to afford others the right to believe the way they do even if we do not agree with it is a sign of a mature and cultured individual. I am not gay, but I have quite a few friends who are. To expect them to be straight because I am makes no more sense then if they were to ask me to be gay because they are. I am not Muslim so I do not celebrate Ramadan, but I certainly wouldn’t want to prevent my friends who do from doing so.

Ok, so what then is the answer to all of this senseless violence? I believe it is compassion and knowledge. For years I have encouraged people to explore other cultures and beliefs. If you do not agree with someone or something, get to know more about it. You may still not believe the same thing, but it will help you appreciate why they believe as they do. There have been several times when people I know who “hate” this group of people meet one of my friends who happen to fit into that group of people and tell me how nice they are. After they find out they belong to a group that the person believes is no good they end of feeling a little confused, silly and sometimes angry. I have even seen this with members of my own family. It is through this positive exposure that minds are slowly changed and beliefs questioned.

So what can we do? What is our part of the solution? First, learn all you can about the people you meet. Look for the good in them. Second, whatever you are, be a good one. If you are gay, be the nicest, most helpful gay person you can be. If you are a republican, be the most caring and compassionate republican you can. That is the only way you can truly change someone’s beliefs is through experience and education. Share all the positive aspects of who you are. If someone voices a strong dislike for it, try reaching them through education and compassion. If they persist in their hate all you can do is be shining example of how wrong they are and the only way to do that is by being an amazing human being.

Lastly, share this post. Let us educate everyone and let us all do our part to get along with those we may disagree with the most.

MAKE SURE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT THING

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This is something that may be difficult for a lot of people. In fact, when you are under emotional distress it can be difficult for just about anyone, including an author/blog writer/postal worker. When you are having a disagreement the natural urge is to discover who is the one to blame for the upset. I have been guilty of this myself, if you don’t believe me I am sure my beautiful lady would back me up. Here is what I learned, Most of the time the fault is usually shared. Here is something else I have learned, finding out whose fault it is does little or nothing to fix the issue at hand.

So what should you be looking for? A solution, or as the picture above says, a remedy. Ask yourself this question, what would be the ultimate outcome? Let us say your spouse said something that really embarassed you in public. First of all, chances are they did not intend to do so, and if they did you may wish to question your choice of spouse. Now if you argue about whether it was their fault for saying it, or yours for not letting you know that won’t solve you feeling foolish. The ultimate goal here is to have your spouse know what bothers you and to hopefully have the situation not happen in the future.

This takes practice and trust me if you can try it first on an issue that is not so heated it works a lot better. Ask yourself what you would like to happen, what is your goal going forward? Then, ask yourself how you can best recruit your partners help in that matter. Here is a clue, saying “It is your fault” does not often lead to a feeling of cooperation. Rather let them know that you understand they did not mean to upset you and that you both would like to avoid that in the future. Then ask for their help in coming up with a solution. Having them involved creates a feeling of working together. Whether it is an intimate relationship, a friendship or even a coworker you are in this together and things work a lot better if you work together.
This works even better if you can begin by admitting your share of the fault to begin with. That takes the pressure off of everyone. It may also take the fire out of the arguement to some extent. It works even better if you are to follow it up with something like “I would like to work together to make sure we don’t have this problem in the future. What can I do on my end to help that?” To often we like to tell people what they should do, but in reality whether or not that will happen is up to them. Showing that you are willing to work on things on your side demonstrates good faith and a desire to clear up conflict.

So in the 2016 let us work to find remedies, not fault.

A LIVING TREASURE

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It amazes me in our current culture how little value is placed on our senior citizens. They have seen more and experienced more than most of us. Whatever most of us are going through they have a story they can relate. They can also give us a gift of foretelling our future to a great extent. What do I mean by this? People that are older than us have not only seen a great deal in their own lives, but have seen a good many others live their lives as well. They essentially know if you play the game this way, the end result will be this.

The trouble is, when we are young it can be difficult to fully understand, or believe what they are telling us. Having not lived the amount of years they have, or experiencing what they may have went through it can often seem like we are speaking two different languages. So why would it be important to listen to someone speaking a language we don’t? In this case everyone will eventually learn this language.

Finding this all a little hard to follow? Let me share a personal story with you. My grandfather was one of the most important and influential people in my life. We had plenty of private conversations where he shared with me what he knew of life. There were times I found it hard to maintain interest and even others when I thought he was crazy. My grandfather passed away almost two decades ago. Here is the amazing thing, some of what he taught me I am only now able to understand. He teaches me, and I learn from him to this very day, almost 20 years after his passing. There are always moments when I wish he were still alive to clarify a point, or to answer a question. It is then I realize I should have paid more attention to the words he spoke when he was here.

So yourself a huge favor, when an elder speaks to you make sure you listen. They are our greatest teachers and our living treasures.

LISTENING CAN BE YOUR SECRET WEAPON

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Recently my amazing lady outdid herself by throwing me what you can see was one fun surprise birthday party. That by itself is sweet and impressive. In addition to writing this blog to express my sincere gratitude for her doing so, there is another reason. I am sure many of you have had parties thrown for you in your life and if not I sure hope you do. It is a great way to show those in your life that you care. Here is what I feel makes the lady in my life even more impressive. This party was thrown for me at my favorite place, the Wisconsin state fair. It actually happened while the fair was going on. She managed to speak to the owner of my favorite stand there which has a tropical theme with sand and a reggae band and rum. She even managed to get a hold of a lot of my close friends and family as you can see. She managed to go there and decorate without me knowing. This is hard to do because I am there every day. She did all of this without me knowing. Which, both of us working in the bar business is extremely hard to do.

Other than informing you what an amazing lady I have, what does any of this have to do with you? What is the lesson we can take away from all of this and apply to our lives? That is a great question. Here is what really impressed me about my lady and this party. She listened. She knew I loved the fair, which is not a great secret, but she also learned where my favorite place was at the fair. She listened to people I spoke about that I considered friends and made sure they received an invite. She put all of what she learned into action by reserving the both and decorating and even making very delicious cupcakes. All of these things made this a lifetime memory.

So here is my suggestion. If you want to have an amazing life, and if you want to blow your spouse, friends, boss or anyone else in your life away; listen. Not just before the event, but all of the time. That is what my wonderful woman did. She listens whenever I talk. Anyone who knows me can understand that is a lot of listening. By doing so she was able to discern a lot of information and used that to make me feel very special. So listen to everyone you come in contact with. You never know what you can learn and how you can use it to help them or make them feel good.

Once more, thank you Margie my love for an amazing party and a memory that will last a lifetime.

TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT

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This is me passing by a physique competition at the Wisconsin state fair. Ironically this is probably the closest I will get to being in one of these. Which is ok because it allows me to eat pizza and hot Wisconsin cheese.

Here is what occurred to me as I was passing by. These gentleman have dedicated countless hours of their days, for years perfecting there bodies. The people in the audience were there to reward them by appreciating there in efforts in one for or another. In addition there was monetary awards to be handed out. There were, I would guess, a few hundred people cheering them on. With such sacrifice this was well deserved.

This had me thinking, for those of us who dedicate years of our lives to pushing our emotional and spiritual development to the limit where is the show for that? Certainly you could share that development with the world in the form of a book, eBook or something else tangible and receive an award for that. Most of us, however, are not doing such things for rewards. Still it is important to know the human mind works harder with positive reinforcement than without it. So find a way to reward yourself for your inner development as well. Also understand that sometimes you may falter. If one of the men above does not work out for a day, or eats poorly they understand they are human. They work twice as hard the next day and just keep at it. So must you. If you slip up and find yourself getting angry, or acting harshly toward others remember we are all human. Enlightened or not. If you make a mistake in your emotional or spiritual development, do what the body builders do, work twice as hard the next day.

One other thing to keep in mind. To see these results these men worked for hours for days on end for years at a time. Quite often the same is required of us in the inner realm as well. If you do not see results right away understand it takes time, often years to fully develop. Work hard knowing the results will show themselves in time. Also make sure you reward yourself for the small victories along the way. This will keep you motivated and moving in the right direction.

THEN MAKE A NEW ONE!

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A few days ago we discussed the value of old friends. Since then a few of you have told me either your old friends had passed on or even that you did not have any. What to do when that great treasure of life is not available to you? Simply this, when you do not have a treasure it is time to invest. What do I mean? Begin to put together a team of great people that will help you in your journey of life. Napoleon Hill referred to them as a ‘Mastermind group’ regardless of what you call them, start to look for new friends. This becomes more difficult as we grow older, but it need not be. As discussed in yesterday’s post, the opportunity to meet new people is around us every day. Not to mention the more we know and experience, the more people we come in contact with and the more we have to discuss with them.

See the picture above. In addition to my sister, it features good friends of mine that I have met in the last few years of my life. Each one of them brings something to the table to make living life more of a pleasure. They both are teachers and students of mine. We teach and learn from each other’s lives and experiences. They also bring unique and wonderful gifts and talents. The decision to meet, talk and listen to both of these gentleman has brought far more into my life than had I not. To explain fully may take an afternoon, but allow me a brief example.

Starting on the far right is my friend Travis “Treezy” Jones. We met about 4 years ago when he walked into a tavern I was working at. We enjoyed some great conversation and laughs. He returned a few more times and we began to learn that we had a lot in common. We both enjoyed making people feel good and creating a positive atmosphere. Before long he also began to work at the same place. Together without really understanding what we were doing we began to attract people as much for the atmosphere we created as for the drinks being served. Through a falling out with ownership both of us left that place and lost touch. Several months passed and during which time we both developed our life philosophy. He then happened to walk into a new place I was working and explained he had started a “Bring it movement” challenging people to create positive situations wherever they go. We are working together on that and soon he will be creating a website of his own to promote his ideas.

The other gentleman is Bret. I had the good pleasure of being introduced to Bret through the amazing love of my life, Margie. Bret is a man who thinks deeply and shares often. Him and I have had several discussions on life and the people we share it with. I have know him a little over two years and learned a lot in such a little time. Bret also travels quite a bit and interacts with people he encounters along the way. Doing so gives him an unique look and life and how different people may see it differently.

My life would be much different without these two gentleman I have befriended as an adult. Taking risks and getting to know people, especially those different from you can expand your life to levels you would never know by keeping to yourself. Friendship is one of the few places where 1+1 equals far more than 2. Working together you can help build and expand each others lives to a great level. So invest today in some friends you think will bring a lot to your life and that you can bring a lot to theirs. The greatest return on new friendships? They turn out to be old friendships.

JAMES AND A CUP OF COFFEE

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Here is my current work situation,  a small table in the corner of a local Starbucks. I was deep in thought with the current post I was writing for this site when an interesting thing happened. A gentleman approached me and asked me if I could help him fix the Facebook messenger on his phone. My knowledge of technology does not rank near the top of the pile, but I told him to go into his app setting and try updating them. A few minutes later I was working away and the same kind gentleman came over to thank me and let me know that it worked. There was something in his approach and genuine sincerity that made his interruptions a pleasure. So as I watched him return to his seat a few tables away I felt the urge to share with him this site. What happened next is proof you should listen to your hunches. I went over there and give him my card. He thanked me and explained he could really use some motivation because in addition to being recently divorced he had just returned from a trip to Syria, where he was from, in which he was lucky to get out of the country. He explained to me the trouble was while he was there he was under suspicion because he was an American citizen. So he finally returns and guess what happens when a person of the Muslim faith returns from Syria? Yes again suspicion. He explained how frustrated he felt because he loved both countries and yet both of them were suspicious of him. We went on discussing our beliefs on compassion and life philosophy. We exchanged phone numbers and he even mentioned he might have an idea for my next book. All of this because I had the good fortune of helping a gentleman with his cell phone issues and trusting my hunches. There are many lessons that can be taken away from this, but I will leave today’s lessons up to your interpretation.