In a world where everyone is trying to be the next big _____. Something gets lost in the quest. That is the most important person we can be. Who is that? Is it the next Kim Kardashian? The next Mother Teresa? How about the next Nelson Mandela? While all of these people have traits that could be good to replicate, they are not the person you should strive to be. No, the person you should try to be is….YOU! The more authentically you can remain true to yourself, the more you give others permission to do the same.
One of the first things that is said when I mention this is that you have faults. Here is a news flash – everyone does. If you ask any of the people above, they all have things about themselves that they would like to improve. Here is another thing that is important to note. Your faults, and the way that you handle them, can be some of the most inspiring things about you. Everyone can relate to having things about themselves they would like to improve. If you come across as being perfect, nobody will be able to relate to you. If they cannot relate, you will not be able to inspire them!
Today, just focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be. After all, if you are not you, who will be?
This post was inspired by a very special lady, who is celebrating a very special day today. Before we get to her and the reason we are celebrating today, let me clear a few things up first. There have been countless reality shows about love lately. Here is the crazy thing, none of them come close to the reality of what love truly is. Worse than that, they have started a very disturbing trend. People are confusing the entertainment they see as standards for what love should be. There are even news stories of regular working people refusing to get out of the car on dates because the restaurant they were taken to was not expensive enough. They film themselves sitting in the car acting like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum. They should be grateful they are being taken out for dinner.
Refusing to get out of the car on a date because you are not being taken to the same restaurant that Kim Kardashian was taken to, is like me refusing to go to a book signing because I am not being booked in the same hotel say a Stephen King or Bill Bryson would. They are authors worth millions of dollars. I am still waiting to be worth millions of dollars. Instead, I am grateful to be asked to appear at a signing. With that attitude, I have often been asked to return, as well as offered new opportunities. When you are grateful to be taken on a date, you are far more likely to be offered, and taken on, a second date. It may even be to a fancier and nicer place than a first date. You also give yourself the opportunity to appreciate love in its deepest sense. When you refuse to get out of the car because you are being taken to a restaurant that is not on a reality television show, you will not only not enjoy that date, I can almost assure that you will be asked on a second date. When you are in a relationship for material reasons is ceases to be love and becomes a transaction.
My love and I
True love, my friends, does not have to cost a fortune. What true love really costs is far different than what you see on television. The price for true love is attention. It is caring and focus. It is affection and understanding. True love can often cost you your patience, and if you are dating a future best-selling author, your last nerve. Above is a picture of myself with the love of my life. I followed the picture of Kim Kardashian with hers for two reasons. First, she is a big fan. Second, for my money she is far more beautiful and I consider myself lucky to have her. She knows the meaning of true love and how to express it.
She has been working hard these last couple weeks with her daughter. As a reward for all of this effort, they were featured in a news story. You can see the picture as it appeared in my news feed above. I will share the link to the story at the end of this post if you would like to read all about my amazing woman. Speaking of her, today is her birthday. I am looking forward to taking her out to a nice place she has been wanting to go for a long time. Hopefully, this birthday date and dinner will be amazing, but it will not be nearly as amazing as what she did for me the other night. It was a great demonstration of love.
I came home after a 9 hour workday. She informed me that we were going on a date. I was excited to see what she had planned. When I got home, I was shocked to find she had the bathtub filled with water scented with some of my favorite essential oils, and the the bathroom had a light that made the walls and ceiling look like the ocean. In addition, there was a nice scented candle lit. “Get in.” she urged. Then she added a very sweet, “You deserve it.” While I relaxed in this amazing atmosphere, she created a wonderfully tasty meal. I got out before it was ready. She had the bed made with my electric blanket turned on and warmed up for me. “Lay down and relax. You must be tired.” She offered. She was correct and I took her kind suggestion and made the most of her loving efforts. When I awoke, dinner was ready and we ate while watching a Christmas movie. There was even more amazing things that evening.
The funny thing? All of this was created with stuff we had at home. Did I feel cheated? Would I have rather went to an expensive steak house? Absolutely…not! First, if you ever had Margie’s cooking, you will know there is no place I would rather eat than home. Second, her effort is putting all of this together showed more love than purchasing any meal ever could. The thoughtfulness of knowing that I was sore and tired from a long work day and would really appreciate all of the relaxing items meant more than a fancy night out. It also made me feel more loved. True love is considering what your partner may be going through or need, and acting on that. True love is being there for someone.
I am so proud of this beautiful, sexy, amazing, loving woman. It is her birthday, but I am the one celebrating. Being able to love each other is one of the greatest gifts we give each other, not only today, but every day. In the past year, she has taken back control of her health and looks more youthful and beautiful than ever! It is as if she is aging in reverse. Knowing how to express love is a great gift that she has. Being able to appreciate the love that I give her, only has me wanting to give her more! Happy birthday my love. Thank you for showing me what true love is all about.
A LOT OF PEOPLE THESE DAYS HAVE THE GOAL OF BECOMING AN INFLUENCER. THEY SEE THE LAVISH LIFESTYLES OF PEOPLE LIKE THE KARDASHIANS, INTERNET MODELS AND GAMERS AND THINK, “WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF INFLUENCE?”
LET US LOOK AT WHAT AN INFLUENCER ACTUALLY IS. SIMPLY DEFINED, IT IS A PERSON WITH A GROUP OF FOLLOWERS WITH WHOM THEY HOLD SWAY AND AFFECT THEIR CHOICES AND ACTIONS. THE STANDARD THOUGHT IS THE GREATER NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS, THE MORE OF A SUCCESSFUL INFLUENCER YOU ARE.
I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH THAT DEFINITION OF SUCCESS. I CERTAINLY WOULD SAY THAT QUALITY TRUMPS QUANTITY EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. I BELIEVE THE STRONGER YOUR INFLUENCE AND THE MORE POSITIVE AND INSPIRING IT IS, THE MORE SUCCESSFUL YOU ARE. IF YOU HAVE A MILLION FOLLOWERS, BUT WHAT YOU SAY HAS LITTLE, IF ANY, POSITIVE IMPACT ON THEIR LIVES, YOU ARE NOT A VERY INFLUENTIAL PART OF THEIR LIVES.
HERE IS A GREAT SECRET – YOU ARE ALREADY AN INFLUENCER! WHETHER YOU ARE A BOSS AT WORK, SOMEONE YOUR COWORKERS LOOK FORWARD TO INTERACTING WITH, A PARENT, A GREAT FRIEND OR EVEN JUST SOMEONE WHO HAS CONTACT WITH OTHERS (THAT SHOULD COVER EVERYONE) YOU ARE AN INFLUENCER. HERE IS THE QUESTION, HOW DO YOU INFLUENCE AND IMPACT THEIR LIVES? DO YOU INSPIRE YOUR EMPLOYEES? DO YOU APPRECIATE YOUR COWORKERS? DO YOU ENCOURAGE AND MOTIVATE YOUR CHILDREN? DO YOU SUPPORT YOUR FRIENDS? DO YOU SHOW KINDNESS AND COMPASSION TO STRANGERS AND THOSE YOU INTERACT WITH?
THINK OF HOW YOU INFLUENCE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TODAY. EVEN MORE IMPORTANT, PLAN HOW YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO IN THE COMING YEAR.
As we wind down our week of posting no negativity and at least one positive thing a day, there is something I was reminded of that I would like to share with you. In my upcoming book, Living the Dream, I explain the science behind the power and importance of a grateful and positive mindset. In a very brief explanation, keeping this mindset activates a part of our brain called the reticular activating system or RAS for short. This part of our brain modulates our sensory information. In other words, out of the information we take in, it decides what is important and worth noticing. The best way I can explain this is through an example. Have you ever noticed when you buy a new car or outfit, you suddenly see that car or outfit everywhere? Let me ask you, did everyone see that you bought it and then went out and bought it themselves? Unless your last name is Kardashian or some other internet influencer, I am sure you know the answer is ‘no’. So why are you seeing those cars and outfits all of sudden? They were there all of the time. Your brain has now decided, “Hey this is like our car/outfit and worth noticing!”
The ‘secret’, if you will, to all of this is that this area of your brain is always working. Most of us, however, have it in the default setting. It notices whatever we are focused on at the moment. Been watching the news and seeing the world go down the drain? Yep, you will notice examples of that everywhere. Researching that new puppy you would like to buy? Suddenly you will notice your neighbors out walking their puppies. The dangerous part of this is that is works whether what we are focused on is positive or negative. We can all agree at any given moment in time there are both positive and negative things going on in the world. What we are focused on will determine what we experience to a greater degree. Some people may confuse this with becoming ignorant of all the challenges the world is facing. This is no more true than knowing there are other cars on the road and outfits on people other than yours. It is what we are focused on and feeling most intensely.
Knowing every day that I would need something positive to write about, my brain started to be on the lookout for such an event. This happened even when I was consciously engaged in something else. This is one of the great side-effects of developing a habit of devoting a portion of your morning focused on gratitude. If you do this first thing every morning you brain will begin to lookout for things you could record in your ‘gratitude journal’. Imagine all day having a mind that is on the lookout for things that are positive or that you should be grateful for. These posts have reminded me what a powerful thing this can be. Our life improves greatly when we take control of our mind and put it to work for us.
Five years of writing this blog? Where does the time go? It was thanksgiving day 2012 I wrote my first post. That post, fittingly enough, was about gratitude. It is a subject often revisited throughout the years and hundreds of posts I have had the honor of sharing with all of you.
Why is gratitude such a hot subject? Why do I not only chose to revisit it so often, but it seems to be the buzz word on the lips of celebrities such as Oprah, Jim Carrey and others. It was one of the main pillars of the blockbuster movie the secret. This is why – very little, if anything, can change your life as much, or as quickly as gratitude. This may sound new-age or esoteric, but there I scientific reasons behind this. First, your mind can only focus on one thought at a time. You cannot feel stressed out, overwhelmed, angry and grateful all at the same time. Do not believe me? Try thinking of your favorite animal and the statue of liberty at the same time. Go ahead, I will wait. You will find your mind can bounce back and forth between the two, but cannot hold two different thoughts at the very same moment.
Another reason is it helps activate a super-power you have in your brain. Yes, you, the one reading this right now, you have this power. Like all powers, it can be used for good or for evil. This power is called the reticular activating system. For the reason it is hard to remember three such scientific sounding words and because super-powers need cool names, we will now refer to this as the RAS. In a nutshell what the RAS does is eliminate anything your brain says is not important and makes things you consider a priority stand out. The amazing thing is your mind does all of this without you having to do anything. It is like a computer program that runs in the background.
This still sounds like we are either in biology or a computer programing class. Let me give you an example of how this happens in your own life. You buy a new outfit or car. Suddenly, you see that outfit or car everywhere! Let me ask you, did the rest of the world see how cool you were, run out and buy the very same thing so they could be just like you? As awesome as all of my secret2anamazinglife readers are, unless you are Kim Kardasian, who may or may not read my blog, chances are the answer is no. So why do you suddenly see that everywhere? Once you purchased those items your brain said “Hey, we like this car/outfit let us find more!” or whatever language your brain uses to talk to you.
Most of us either are not aware we can control this power, or we do so for negative reasons. Such as “See, I told you I have bad luck.” or “I told you the world is getting worse!” Listen, whatever you focus on becomes your reality. If you focus on how much your life sucks right now, your brain will help you find examples of how much that is true. If you want to focus on how terrible the world is, it will help you find examples of that too. Sounds like our brain is out to get us? Not so fast!
We can use our powers for good! This is where gratitude comes in. Begin to foster an attitude of gratitude say through a daily gratitude journal or one of the many other ideas featured in my book A Happy Life for Busy People and your brain will begin to find examples of why you should feel grateful. Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself!
Back to the milestone we are celebrating here today. When I began this website I was just looking for a way to capture the best secrets in self-improvement I came across, which is still what we are all about, but never would I dream I would have gotten so much out of it. I began being followed by a few friends and family. Now I am followed in over 100 countries, with thousands of people who have read what I have shared here. I have had the great honor of connecting with people across this great planet of ours. To celebrate our 5th year at secret2anamazinglife.com I invite you to share who you are, where you are from and your favorite thing about this website in the comments below. It will not only help me know what you enjoy, but we all just might make some new inspiring friends!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for allowing me to share my motivation and inspiration with you these last five years. I look forward to the next five!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 