There is one activity that I believe we could all benefit by doing. This one activity alone could not only change our life, but the way we approach the world in general. Enough people did this, we would change the world. It does not matter if you live in Uganda, Fiji, The Bahamas or right here in Wisconsin where I do. This activity will work no matter what your gender, race, religion or political belief. It is not an expensive or complicated activity. You can spend as long as you like on it. Although, the secret is, the more time you spend on it, and the more often you do it, the more effective it will become. This activity can help you make better choices and help bring clarity to the choices you have to make. It can help you pick a career that suits you as well as a romantic partner that will best meet your needs.
This activity is introspection. As unexciting as that may sound, it is a skill not many people, if any, master today. Do not believe me? Look at anyone waiting in any kind of line. What are they doing? You know the answer to this one. They are on their phone. Sitting alone at a coffee shop? On the computer or phone. There is very little getting out in nature and spending time thinking about who we really are. We chose jobs based on money or advice from others. We chose romantic partners based on looks or charm. How many of us sit and write down a list of our most important values and what our goals are? How many of us really have a clear picture of who we are?
When you know what is important to you, your time is well spent. When you know what your goals are, you know what direction to move in. When you know this, you know what decisions to make. If you don’t know the first thing about the person in the mirror, these decisions can seem very complicated and confusing. Life will be more stressful. How much easier would your life be if you know exactly who you were, what was important to you and what goals you were chasing?
This week, spend some time really getting to know the person in the mirror. It will allow you to perform well above the average person. In addition, it will remove a lot of stress from your decisions and your life. Gaining clarity and your values and your self-identity is like spending time digging in a vein of pure gold. You may be surprised at what you discover when you investigate the most interesting person in the world – the one in the mirror.
This post is a little deep for a Saturday. We will do our best to keep it brief as well. In so much as we can. This occurred to me as I was on my way to the gym today. I was listening to a motivational video to pump me up a little, as this was following a 9 hour work day. In the video the speaker advocated recalling the worst emotional pain you have ever felt. In my life, there have been many, so I decided to pick a recent one. This is where it gets interesting.
The moment I was reflecting on this time was a twofold situation I found myself in almost 2 years ago. It was the day of my open-heart surgery. This happened to be taking place during the second wave of the Covid scare. I was to have no visitors while I was in the hospital. This was only explained to me the day before surgery. When I relayed this information to both my mother who was to drive me that day, as well as my lovely lady, Margie, it did not go over as well as I am sure the hospital had hoped. They immediately launched into a plan to sneak into the hospital with me. Although I advised against this course of action, they were not to be dissuaded.
They thought they were being as crafty as two spies, it probably resembled 2 comedy actresses. To their credit, we all made to the operating floor. I recall a long line of plastic chairs we all sat it. If memory serves, they were orange. At that moment, I knew we were to be discovered any second and they would be escorted out. There was so much I wanted to say to both of them before what was a possibly life or death surgery. Instead, we all sat in silence. Before long a nurse informed them they had to go. I watched the elevator doors close, knowing It would be more than a week before I would see either one of them again.
Surprising enough, although sad, it was not this moment that was the worse. I took my seat back on the orange plastic waiting chairs. Soon enough they called me back to a preparatory room. I was instructed to strip down and wash myself with some adult-sized baby wipes. Not my finest moment. As I finished and dressed myself in the fashionable hospital gown, I knew surgery would be quick in coming. I picked up my phone and snapped a selfie of the charming author so dapperly attired. I sent it to the love of my life. Just then a thought crossed my mind. “Could this be the last message I ever sent her?” As I placed the phone in the bag with the rest of my belongings, I felt a pang of loneliness that was stronger than any I can remember. I knew when I woke up after surgery, that is if I woke up, there would be nobody there. I knew I would not see the faces of those I loved for many days. It was as if I had been transported to a different world without the chance to say goodbye. Soon, there would be humiliating moments such as two twenty-something young ladies shaving my body from head to toe. The whole story can be found in my book, The Beat Goes On. I will leave a link at the end of this post if you care to purchase that, or any of my other books.
Left once again in a world devoid of contact with anyone I loved, I was just left to wait for them to open my chest and slice and dice the organ that gives us life. Now without my phone which presumably would be taken to my recovery room for after the surgery. The loneliness returned with a vengeance. This remained up until the sedatives kicked in for the surgery. Even after being brought back to life after a brief flirtation with death (Again, complete story in the book) the feelings remained.
Although this memory was painful to relive, I had questions. Why was that one of the worst feelings of my life? Was I afraid of dying? Not at all, actually. Death is a lot harder for those left behind than for the one doing the dying. Leading up to the surgery, as I was in what they delicately referred to as “The holding pen”, I had been focusing on all that I had to be grateful for. I specifically recall thinking of all the silly faces my lady makes in the pictures she sends me. I was filled with appreciation for the amazing life I had lived up to that point. Death, although a possibility, was not a fear. What was it then?
The answer hit me! It was loss of connection. Could that be the case? I began to ponder some of my best moments in life. I recall the book signing I held at a local, now defunct, brewery. So many people attended and I was able to greet and speak with them. I had a large dose of connection. I thought of some of the best moments that I have had with my mother, my lovely lady and others in my life. The best moments were when I felt the greatest connection! Up until this very thought, I never realized how important connection is to me. With this knowledge, I can certainly set my life up to have a lot more feelings of joy and a lot less stress!
Here is the other cool thing that came out of this inner conversation I had with the soon-to-be best-selling author – I had gained a new lesson from reliving an old experience. Proof that we can learn so much by looking at our past with a fresh perspective. It is no secret that we learn more, a lot more, during challenging times that we do during times of celebration. It may be tempting to avoid reliving those times where we hurt the greatest, but then we will be leaving gold in that mine. My surgery was just shy of 2 years ago. I learned that lesson a little over 4 hours ago. How about you? Are there moments in your past you can go back and look at with a fresh perspective? Maybe there is more gold for you to dig out of that mine. How many mines do you have?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 