Tag: inspiration

THE #1 REASON TO NOT MARRY SOMEONE

Today’s article was inspired by a server who shared a little bit more than expected with Margie and I at breakfast the other day. Let me tell you there are no shortage of red flags when it comes to relationships. Addiction, abuse and many other issues should tell you that this might not be the person you should pursue a long-term connection with. We are not talking about what should prevent you from getting into a relationship, or even what should tell you to leave a relationship. We are solely talking about what you should not do when deciding whether or not to pledge your life to someone. If you do this, it will be a guarantee for failure.

There are many reasons not to marry for. You should not marry for money. You should not marry for position. You should not marry someone just to make your parents happy, or anyone else for that matter. Those should be fairly obvious. The #1 reason you should not marry someone is for potential. Countless people get into relationships decidedly unhappy with a certain aspect of their partner. They either believe they will ‘grow out of it’ or worse that ‘they can change them’. If you base your connection on your ability to change anyone but yourself, you are doomed to failure. All meaningful and lasting change comes from within. If you are forced to change because of someone else, you are unhappy at best and resentful at worse. Yes, they could also grow, evolve and correct whatever it is that does not please you. Then again, they could not. Then what? Will you live your life fighting about this same issue?

This is not to say that people cannot change and grow. If you are reading a site like this, I would assume that is the path you are pursuing. Growth, is not only nonlinear, it is also not guaranteed. Even with the best of intentions, growth may not happen. Therefore, you should find someone you love for who they are at their core. If they grow, even better. If you grow together that is even better yet. What should not happen is to base your relationship on the expectation of growth.

THE SECRET TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP? TACOS AND BEET ROOT POWDER OF COURSE!

These two may seem like an odd combination, and indeed they are. I do not know of anyone who put beet root powder on their taco. Here is another question. Which one is sweeter? If you know even a little bit about food your answer would be the beets. In fact, beets can even be used to make sugar. The most important question we can ask is “How are these two items the secret to a great relationship?

Before you go out and stock up on bottles of beet root powder (the one in the picture is my personal favorite) or get all your fixings for tacos, may I suggest you read a little further. Here is a confession. These two items by themselves are not the secret. It is what they represent. To better explain, let me share a personal story of the last few days. My lovely lady underwent a medical emergency last week. It was a good reminder that health is the ultimate treasure. It is with a great deal of gratitude I can tell you she is doing well. It did remind both of us to pay a little better attention to our health.

The following day, I was out running errands with my mother and my lady cooked the most delicious and rather healthy meal. She made us lettuce wrap tacos with ground turkey. They were beyond delicious. Not only is she beautiful, loving and a great cook, but she was kind enough to make us both a healthy dinner even after her health scare. I was so grateful and let her know how much I appreciated her efforts. More importantly, I sat with that feeling for a little bit. Just looking at the beautiful woman I share my life with and thinking how grateful I was for this loving and kind act of making this dinner.

This morning, she was making her return to the gym. I knew she would be a little nervous, maybe even scared, and wanted to do anything to help that I could. She drinks a combination of a pre-workout with beet root powder before every workout. If you haven’t tried beet root, it has been shown to increase your aerobic capacity. Do your own research and talk to your doctor, but it works for us. When she woke up to discover that she no longer had to put this concoction together, and there was a cold one waiting in the refrigerator for her, she was grateful and told me so. It made me happy to know she appreciated my efforts, but even more that it made her day a little better.

Here is the important thing to note about all of this. We have been together for many years and still enjoy doing things like this for each other. Not to ‘pay the person back’ or to ‘score some points’. No, we do it because we genuinely love and care about each other. Both the act and the appreciation are what keep our love going and growing. How about you? When was the last time you did an act just out of love? When was the last time you not only expressed your appreciation to your partner, but sat down and felt it?

NOT SO FAST SOCRATES!

I have always found this quote from Socrates rather humorous. I would have to respectfully disagree with the gentleman though. Yes, being in a toxic relationship would probably urge you to spend time alone pondering the meaning of life. Especially your own. In this way I believe he is giving us one of the keys to an amazing life. That is to turn whatever challenging situation you find yourself in, into a more fulfilling one. It could be taking that time alone you would want to spend into developing a philosophy of your own. Perhaps it would be taking the job you want to leave so bad and using it to motivate you to take a different course of action. That could be educating yourself or just looking for something that would satisfy your soul as well as your wallet.

As great as comfort is, it can also be a trap. Finding ourselves in a bad job, relationship or other challenging situation may not be desirable, but it just might push us to finally get off our butt and do something about it. If one part of your life isn’t working, pivot to excel at another while you work on correcting it. In my case, a great relationship has allowed me to change my philosophy on life. Having an excellent life partner can help you excel at being a philosopher as well!

WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SHARING?

It is no secret that I enjoy writing in coffee shops. One of the ones that I frequent is a Starbucks not far from my house. It is both convenient and friendly. Recently, they were told to start writing messages on cups to make it feel more like a ‘personal experience’. Probably a good idea. It is always good to make a customer feel more like a friend than a number. The message on the cup above confused me a little. Why did they feel compelled to tell me that “different is good”? Do I come across as a ‘different’ kind of individual? The conclusion I came to is that they were giving me inspiration on what to write for this post.

Different is good. Far too many of us are overly concerned with fitting in. We look online and to others to discover what is the latest trends. We spend a lot of money on items not for superior quality, but because the brand is what is hot currently. If you asked someone if they would like shoes that are comfortable and would last, or ones that have the ‘cool’ logo on the side, what would they answer? Logic would dictate the former, but most often people choose the latter. Same with character and behavior. We do and say what all of the ‘cool kids’ are doing and saying instead of what we believe to be the right thing to do. Being kind to and associating with those who may be struggling, is that the cool thing to do? It certainly is the right thing to do. If people look at you as different, that just means you are being true to your character. You are different. We all are. Being an original makes you far more valuable than just being another copy.

Same Starbucks when I went a few days later with my mother for an iced coffee. Completely different message, but one that was inspiring just the same. Both of these messages were very nice of the employees to write on our cups. Both very encouraging. It started me thinking on what messages are we putting out in the world? Is it one letting someone know that there difference is not only ok, but makes them special like in the first picture? Perhaps, much like the second picture, we are just letting someone know that we believe in them and they are loved? Both of those are powerful and beautiful messages.

How about you? What message are you putting out there? You might not be an employee in a coffee shop writing messages on customers cups but you do not have to be. Most of us deal with people in our profession in one way or another. What kind of message are we putting out to them? Even in our private life, what greetings do we give a stranger? Do we acknowledge them at all? There are so many opportunities to spread messages of hope, compassion and love. Are we taking advantage of them? Even wearing a shirt with a simple and inspiring message can go a long way. There are certainly no shortage of clothing with sarcastic, or uninspiring messages. Let us be the sunshine in someone’s day. What message are you spreading and how are you doing it?

IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL

What we surround ourselves with, both people and environment, go a long way in influencing what we think the reality of the world is. It can be hard not to consume all of the information that is being forced at us through a variety of different media. Especially when the world is as crazy as it is right now. I know this is something I have to do better with myself. This is not advocating ignorance. It is just a call to not inundate ourselves with it. A little goes a long way with the news. It is like listening to chicken little tell you that the sky is falling. Sooner or later you are bound to start thinking the clouds are getting a little lower.

There are so many beautiful spots in nature to enjoy. Being out in the natural world, especially if you disconnect from technology for a bit, helps you appreciate all of the beauty that surrounds us. It can be a great reminder that we need when life becomes too busy. When you are out exploring, take time to visit natural areas. Above is a photo I took when Margie and I had visited Negril Jamaica a few years back. It is in a region called Fern gully. All of the places we stay are gorgeous to be sure, but it sure was nice to get out to a peaceful natural area. Seeing different plants that are not native to the region we live in, as well as birds and animals, was so exciting while at the same time peaceful. Just as it is important to get to know local people, I think getting to know local nature is just as important.

You may not be in the financial state to be able to afford an exotic vacation. Not to mention that you should not wait to explore nature until then. Quite the contrary. You should surpass your consumption of news with how many trips into nature you take. Fortunately, for most of us there is nature not that far away. Neighborhood parks and trails provide an opportunity to get lost in nature without leaving your own neighborhood. Above is a picture of the path my mother and I were walking on last year in a local park. As you can see, there was plenty of nature to be observed that day.

Another great opportunity to view nature is to befriend someone who also enjoys exploring nature. This works great whether that person lives near you and can recommend great spots to explore, or if they live further away and share their pictures of places they explore. A great member of this community, Eduardo, lives in Italy and shares many great pictures of the places he explores. I feel like I share in his adventures when I look at them. It is also a great picture of the natural beauty that exists in his corner of the world.

How about you? Can you think of a place of natural beauty to explore and take a break from all of the crazy news out there? Even if exploring is not your thing, or if you are physically limited, you can sit on a park bench and watch the nature around you. Take in the sights, sounds and smells of the natural world. Your soul and spirit will leave refreshed and better able to take on the world. Not to mention your perception of the world will be much improved.

CATCHING UP TO MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS

The other day, our fine friends and WordPress, the platform on which this blog is hosted, sent me this little congratulations. It is nice to be sure, but the total is actually over 3000 posts between 5 and 8am. The funny thing is that it was still nice they noticed we are accomplishing something here. I hope it encourages them to have this site viewed in many more locations. This will help our community of driven and wonderful souls looking to better the world and become the best version of themselves to expand into new corners of the world. This brings us to the next couple of notifications I received.

These two notifications came the very next day. One right after another. In actuality, we are viewed in over 200 countries. Again, it was nice to see that they recognize this, but it did not change how I feel about doing these posts. As I mentioned above, the more places we reach, the more this community can help each other. When I write, I think more of just you. That is right. You, the person reading this post right now. We may not know each other personally, we may even be halfway around the world from each other. What I think about it talking to, and caring for, one person at a time. My writing is not to change the world, but to positively affect one soul at a time. In doing so, I believe that is my best shot at positively affecting the world.

Outside accolades are nice, but they should not be the driving point as to why you are pursuing your goal. If your goal is focused solely on you, outside accolades, or lack there of, will drive or curtail your performance. If your goal is for a purpose bigger than yourself, your motivation is in the goal itself. Find the goal and do not let whether the outside world pats you on the back decide if you want to keep going. Work for your purpose.

THE REAL LUXURY

We touched on this thinking a few posts back with the story of my untimely, and fortunately temporary, death. What is really important in life has very little, if anything, to do with material goods. Beyond the basics of food, clothing and shelter there can only be so much joy to be found in excess of material goods. The irony is that is what a lot of us spend our time and energy pursuing. We work overtime at work to buy a bigger car or a name-brand this or that. These luxuries cannot be taken with us. The ancient Egyptians tried and their stuff is still sitting in the desert. One of my favorite quotes is from Denzel Washington. He said, “You will never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” That is uncomfortably true.

When we are facing our final days, never are we laying on our death bed wishing for a bigger house or car. No, we would wish for more time with friends and family. In fact, time is the most precious of all the commodities of life. It is with a great deal of irony that we spend little time or energy to make sure we are making the most of whatever time we have. The amount none of us can be sure of. Doing things like living a healthier lifestyle. Reducing stress, eating fairly healthy and making sure we move will not only add life to our years, but could quite possibly add years to our life.

We covered two of the luxuries listed above. What about good company? I love that one. In a world where we are the slave to distraction, why not spend some energy and effort on being more present? It will help us enjoy our good company better. If we are present, we will catch little things that our friends share with us we might otherwise miss. When people leave our lives, we always find ourselves wishing for more time with them. One of the worst emotions to have when we lose someone is regret. “I wish I would have enjoyed the time I spent with them more.” we catch ourselves saying. This only compounds our feeling of loss. How much better would it be to know that we made the most of our time that was given to us?

How about the luxury of a quiet mind? In a world that moves at a mile-a-minute, a quiet mind is priceless. As an author who is currently writing about four different books, some peace and quiet with the voices in my head would be wonderful. How much time to we spend on developing peace of mind? Things like daily meditation and other stress reduction methods are investments in the luxury of peace of mind. So is working on not holding grudges, forgiveness and developing an attitude of gratitude. These are luxuries that we can use every day of our life. These are worth spending our time and money on.

Recently, Margie and I went on a week vacation. It was a memory worth investing in. It captured time, good company and peace of mind. It did, however, require us to be present with each other and what was going on around us. If we would have busied ourselves with thoughts of the obligations we had to return to, complained about the rain or if our food was not done right, it would have been a wasted expense. It is skills Margie and I have worked to improve with every vacation we go on. Our next one should be our honeymoon. We better be present for that one. Invest in the true luxury of life. What other luxuries do you think should have made the list? Share them in the comments below.

A REFLECTION OF YOU

This is a good quote to keep in mind. Many people, when confronted with disrespectful people, want to ‘get back at them’. That is easy to understand. They hurt your feelings, so you want to hurt theirs. If you are a person who wants to live an amazing life that is not the way to go. When someone insults you, it is worth keeping in mind that it makes them look petty and rude. That is, unless we respond in kind. Then, we are the ones who look petty. In the moment it can be very unsatisfying to show respect to someone who does not deserve it. It would be so much more fulfilling to return with an insult of our own. Long-term, this would be a poor reflection of our character.

How can you remember or think of such things in the heat of the moment? That is why studying and memorizing quotes like this can be helpful. Putting them into our minds before we find ourselves in challenging situations can help us respond in a fashion that is a better reflection of our character. That is why it is a great idea to find quotes that help you develop your character and get them inside your head. What are some of your favorite quotes that can help improve your life and character? Please share them with all of us in the comments below.

JUST ONE MORE…

Today’s subject matter I have mentioned before, but it is so important that it should be repeated. Here is a little personal story of mine, I believe you can see how it will relate to your own life as well. When I was told that I needed open-heart surgery, it was roughly 60 days prior. To be honest, there was not much consideration as to what could happen. This was despite the doctor telling me that there was a small possibility of stroke or death. He quickly followed with, “It would only be a temporary stroke.” Jokingly, I asked if the death would be temporary as well. Little did I know that would be the case. We are getting ahead of ourselves, however.

In the days leading up to the surgery, Margie and I went to the movies. It was the movie Eternals. It was a long movie and I made the mistake of drinking some coffee prior to going in. Right as the heroes were saving the world, I had to save myself in the men’s room. While conducting my business the realization hit me that I could be dead in 60 days. Reading that it sounds scary, but my reaction was not. It created a sense of urgency. I realized that I had 60 days to accomplish what I wanted and the clock was ticking.

As I returned to my seat next to Margie my mind was going a mile a minute. I looked over at the love of my life and realized this could be one of the last movies we attended. I thought about the time of year, it was November at the time, and realized this could be my last Thanksgiving, Christmas and most importantly to me was Margie’s birthday. It could be my last shot to do any of these things. Then, I thought about my beautiful lady specifically. She, lost in the superhero plot to save the world looked so beautiful and it pained me to think of how she would feel if I did not make it out of my surgery. What would her memory of me be? There were more thoughts like this of other people I love and cared about. Then there were thoughts of my legacy. That is a word that sounds so far away, but here it was 60 days away from what might be my end. How does one create a legacy in 60 days? I had just released my second book. Did I share everything I wanted to with the world?

My mind began to swirl with thoughts of what I wanted to do in the remaining 60 days. Here is the crazy thing. It was not an exotic trip to Fiji. Although that is still on the list of things I would like to do. It was not get a sports car. After all, what good is material things to you if you may be gone shortly? What I wanted to do was experience and create as many memories as possible. As I write this, I am in a coffee shop with Margie working across the table. It is one of my favorite things. Really, everything with her. I realized I like going to the zoo, grocery store and walks in nature with my mother. Should I, or any of these wonderful people be gone, it would be one more of these experiences I would want to enjoy. Look around you at the people you share life with. You never know how many times you have left with them. Really enjoy that one more. Be present. Be grateful. Love as much as you can. We never know when we will be left wishing for ‘one more’.

FIND YOUR TRIBE

We discuss in great detail many of the tools and strategies you can use to improve yourself. Things such as gratitude and discipline. One of the most important things you can do to assist you in this matter is to surround yourself with like-minded people. This should be done both digitally and physically. Your tribe will support you when you feel you cannot go on. They will encourage you, hold you accountable and provide opportunities you may not have thought of. That is why it is so important to choose the right people to be a part of your tribe.

How can you go about finding the right people to join your tribe? Consider the qualities we discussed moments ago. Do you know someone who is good at encouraging you? How about someone who will hold you accountable and make you live up to your standards? Someone who shares the same goals as you? There is a good chance that you know people like this already and have a few in your life. That is good. Make sure to spend a good amount of quality time in their presence. Then, work on adding more people who fit the traits we just mentioned. Try to get a mix of them all.

How does one gather people of like-mindedness? One of the ways is to join groups and forums that reflect either something you are interested in, or a goal you are chasing. I have been to a few writers groups and belong to many author pages on social media. You can bounce ideas off of each other and get valuable advice, encouragement and accountability. Once again, do this both online and in real life. You need a mix of both.

If you want to improve your tribe even quicker, ponder those who no longer fit with where you are going in life. Try to limit, or eliminate spending time with them. Yes, you may want to help them, but be careful it is not at the cost of your own life. Being around others who are negative, encouraging you to bow to instant gratification and not try to better yourself can be poison for living a healthy and fulfilling life. The best way to move on from these folks is to spend more time with those who inspire, encourage and improve your life. Then, by default, you will have less time to spend with those who don’t.

One thought to keep in mind. When you are searching for others to join your tribe, do not forget to be a good tribe member yourself. Give as much as you get. Brainstorm and share your ideas with others. They will thank you by doing the same.