This is a phenomenon that young people may have a hard time grasping. How do I know that? When it was told to me when I was young, I recall thinking it was the stupidest thing. How can an hour be more than an hour? Now I am 50 and it feels like every time I sneeze it is next week! Something that Mr. Einstein called the ‘relativity of time’. An hour at the dentist seems a lot longer than an hour out with friends. How can that be? They are both 60 minutes long. Once I read a quote that summed this whole time thing up nicely. The quote was this – “How long 3 minutes is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.
Why does time seem to go faster as we age? The photo above gives us a great look into the answer. We tend to have less new experiences. We find things we like and tend to stick with them. Security becomes more important when we age. The ironic thing is that security can cause things to fail. Think of romantic relationships. Far too many marriages end up in divorce. Why is that? Why do two people who were so in love they spent thousands of dollars and invited many of their friends and family to commit to each other, then suddenly never want to see each other again? The reasons can be varied and complex, but one of the main ones is security. A relationship without change is one without growth. If a relationship seldom has anything new, it becomes boring. Then, when it becomes tough or a challenge arises, nobody wants to fight for what is boring.
This is not a post exclusively about marriage or even relationships in general. The relationship example we just mentioned works the same with our life. When our life becomes boring and predictable, what is the point of living it? There is a cliche that states, “Ships are safe in the harbor, but that is not what ships were built for.” People can be safe in their predictable life, but would it really be worth living? Try that new restaurant, take that new class and start that new hobby. Not only will it help you savor your life, but it keeps the mind sharp well into old-age. We only have one life. Let us make sure it is worth living.
One of the things that is difficult for many of us is letting things go. This can be made even tougher when there seems to be no good explanation as to why something, or someone, hurt us. You can be thinking hours, days or weeks later, “Why did that happen?” Most of us have had someone say something hurtful to us that has left its mark. It pops up in our heads now and then and we can’t help but wonder, “Why did they say that?” I know I have been there. Perhaps you know why they said it. It could have been completely unfair and unjustified. That can make it even worse.
Do you know what is worse than staying upset? Realizing what we lost by being so. The picture above shows the temperature on my way to work the other morning. Mind you, this is in summer. Only a few days earlier, it was in the 80s. In this state, the weather can turn that quick. Life is much the same. While we are busy being mad or being stressed out ruining our ability to have a good time and enjoy life to the fullest, life is moving on. What do I mean by life is moving on? We are getting older. Those we love are getting older as well. The most common emotion I have seen displayed at funerals is regret. If only I had one more day with them. If only we had spent more time together. Have you ever heard yourself say things like this? Have you thought them to yourself?
See this pretty lady next to me? We occasionally get upset with each other. There is usually a pretty good reason when it does happen. In the heat of the moment we can lose touch with how beautiful it feels to be in love with each other. That is why we like to fix things and get back to loving as quickly as possible. Why is this important? Hourglass. Life is like the sand in an hourglass. It is always slowly draining away. The time we lost fighting is time we will never have back. Say we spend an hour mad at each other. If we are together for 20 more years, we still would have lost that hour of love we could have had. Here is the important bit, we do not know how long we have with each other. Hopefully it is long, but there is the chance it could end for one of us tomorrow. How would we feel if we would have spent 60 minutes of the time we had left mad?
Do not misunderstand me. There are reasons to be upset. You should not fake emotions or not communicate your unhappiness. That will only lead to more problems and resentment later on. The point here is that we should work diligently to discover ways to solve our problems and move on. We all have less time than we think. I do not recall hearing of anyone who looked back on their life and said, “I sure am glad I spent that time being upset.” That is why self-improvement is so important. Becoming our best version of ourselves will allow us to experience more of the joy life has to offer in however much time we have left.
We touched on this last post. We need to slow down on occasion. Spending time in nature has so many benefits that we have devoted entire posts to it in the past. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Without the best medicine, there is no way your life can be healthy. One thing that wasn’t listed in the photo above that I believe is important is connection. In all of our lives we need to experience, and feel, a sense of connection. With friends, with nature and with ourselves. This can be a spiritual practice, a meditative practice or making it a point to be present with a night out with friends.
A fun little art project that can die this all together is to come up with a ‘Slow down book’. Just my idea of a title, use whatever speaks to you. This can be something as simple as a notebook, or as fancy as you want to be. In this book, record moments where you do slow down and feel connection and inner peace. You can do this by jotting down a memory of the moment, placing photos you have taken of the event or maybe a menu if it is a place to eat. The possibilities are endless. Customize it as you see fit.
Why is creating a ‘memory book’ so important? Can’t we just remember these moments in our head? Sure, but having a tactile reminder can be such a heart-warming experience. It can supply us with extra feelings of gratitude when viewed after the fact. After a stressful day when we are doing our best to think of a way to unwind, we can review the book and see events that have brought us joy in the past. You would be surprised how difficult thinking can be when you are already stressed out.
I would love to hear about some activities that bring you peace and joy. What do you think about the idea of creating a book like this?
Tell me this isn’t an odd question to ponder on a self-improvement website? Before we flush out what your bowel movements have to do with improving your life, let us sit down and think about this for a second.
When I was young, people often wrote on bathroom stalls. Usually informing us as to what number to call if we were in search of a good time. In this case, a person took the time to have us look at an emergency in a whole new way. With the advent of cell phones,graffiti decreased, even if time spent in a stall rose slightly.
How about at home? Some people grab their copy of War and Peace, or whatever they happen to be reading at the moment. I would suggest any of the great works by the author Neil Panosian, but I might be biased. Some just sit and think while they wait for the miracle to happen.
Have you ever noticed that’s when some of your greatest ideas occur to you? I think that stems from the fact that in this busy world it is one of the few times we are left alone with our thoughts. What I am about to suggest now may sound like a crappy idea, but hear me out and out might just change your life!
If you read our post on what to do when you shower, you might have an idea where this is going. Going to the bathroom, like showering, is hopefully a fairly regular affair. Putting this time to use as a self-improvement moment can transform our life.
In an attempt to maintain eloquence, when you use the porcelain throne, you are eliminating toxins from your body. Stuff you don’t need and could make you sick. Why not use this time to visualize eliminating mental and spiritual toxins as well? A toilet meditation? Why not? You’re there anyway, you might as well put the time to good use!
Just like the shower example, it is not something we would have to do every time. Using our toilet time as a moment of self-care or self-development could help us empower our life. Imagine walking out of the restroom a more empowered and fulfilled person. It sure beats reading about what pop star got engaged to what football player.
It is a sad fact that many people today feel like they do not count. That could not be further from the truth. We all matter despite what others and the world may tell us. In my own life, when I begin to feel down and like I need a reminder of my significance, I found the best way to accomplish both of those is to be a blessing to others. By doing so, I not only feel valuable knowing that I brought good to the life of another, but I know from all of those who bring good to my life how much that matters.
Being a blessing can happen in so many ways. For a few ideas, read our last post, 3 steps to paradise. You can inspire someone with your thoughts. This can be a simple prayer for someone or just sending them some good vibes. Feeling grateful for someone can put a smile on your face as well. Another way to be a blessing is to vocalize these thoughts. Sharing a kind word with others is such a blessing these days. Kind words can be rare making them not only valuable, but a true blessing. Lastly, you can do a good deed for someone. Buy a coffee for the one you love, give someone a card for no reason. Even a welcoming hug a sharing a smile with a stranger can be more of a blessing than you know.
You matter. You are a blessing. We all are. Let us be blessings for others today.
As much as I would like this post to be about 3 steps to finding yourself on a tropical beach somewhere, that is not what we are discussing today. This is something even better! What could be better than being on a tropical beach? Can you believe that I even said there is something better? What is better is living a life that you do not need a vacation from. That has been so much in self-improvement circles that it almost sounds cliche. Living this kind of life is not as difficult as one may think. The principles we are going to discuss can be applied on a beach in Jamaica, or while working in a state that seems to have 9 months of winter…hypothetically.
Paradise, like this dinner on the beach in the Bahamas Margie and I shared, can be reached inside one’s soul. The first of the three steps listed above in a good thought. I cannot mention how much this can change your situation. Just this morning I was working on a very physically demanding task at my day job. Struggling to get through it, I thought of the beautiful lady above and how I was earning money to be able to do things to bring a smile to her face. Would you believe that gave me not only the boost of energy to continue, but made the task an almost pleasant means to an end.
The second step to paradise, going by the quote we started with, is a good word. This is certainly something the world needs. There is quite a bit of negative, angry and depressing words around. Sharing a good word with others can not only change their world, but yours as well. That word could be encouragement, a genuine compliment or just sharing of good news. In doing this, you create a more pleasant environment for all of those around you, and in turn, they tend to be in a better mood. When you are surrounded by people in a good mood, that makes your life a lot sweeter.
The last step to paradise is a good deed. Like making delicious tacos for the man who loves you so much. Margie made me these tacos the other night after a hard days work. I cannot begin to explain the joy, gratitude and love for her this kind deed invoked. When you do a kind deed for others, again it is a win/win situation. You make them not only happy, but grateful that you are in their life. How do you think that will affect your future interactions with them? You also get a feeling of contentment knowing that you have brought joy or assistance to someone else’s life.
Using the principles discussed in the quote above, people who think good thoughts, speak good words and do good deeds will have a life that feels like paradise. That is why people who may appear to have it all, but do not practice these three things, will not have a fulfilling life. If you are thinking about revenge, speaking with a lot of sarcasm, and worried only about yourself, your life will never feel like paradise. Does your life feel like you need a vacation? It happens to all of us. Just do more of the three things above and soon your life will begin to feel better than ever.
Far be it from me to advise you what to do while you are in the shower. That seems a little invasive from someone you may have never met on the other side of the screen. This meditation might be another secret we could all add to help us reach that amazing life. Developing rituals that lead us in the direction we wish our life to go will be something discussed in depth in my next book. Until that is released, allow me to share this idea with you.
Showering is something we all hopefully do on a regular basis. Why not turn this experience into one that refreshes our soul and spirit? Picturing, and feeling, all of this happen can really give us a change in attitude. I often say when stuck around people who have a ‘sunshine challenged’ attitude that I need to take a shower. This is metaphorical, but I guess does not have to be. Showers are cleansing physically, why not mentally and spiritually as well?
Take the time you spend in the shower to mentally disconnect for a while. It is warm, you are by yourself, you can’t really hear much. If you have a shower speaker, maybe some meditative music would be nice. Picture all of the negativity of the day being washed off you and going down the drain. Feel your energy being renewed. It may be that little bit of peace you need in the middle of a chaotic day,
There are many other cleansing rituals that people do that can work as well. In Native culture there is smoke from smudge or sage that is used to cleanse spiritually. That are people who go to special mineral baths to bath in. Showers are nice because most of us use them on a regular basis. It might be fun to employ this same thinking next time you are caught in the rain as well. The waters could be washing all of the negative energy in your life away. By the time you arrive home, your clothes may be heavier, but your spirit will be lighter.
Do you remember having a tree house as a kid? I was never fortunate enough to have one of my own, but I did have a few friends who had some. They were often simple affairs. If we didn’t have access to tree houses, we built little forts. Often deep in a park or woods away from adults who could correct all the terribly unsafe things we were doing. When we didn’t have access to, or it was just too cold to venture out to a park, we made forts inside the house. Again, simple affairs that were added on to as long as they continued to exist. They sure could be exciting!
On the way to write today, for some reason those memories popped in my head. Ever one to mine ways in which we can capture some of that seemingly long-lost passion and zeal for life, I pondered what made them so exciting. I recall my friend Jeremy’s ‘tree house’. It wasn’t actually in a tree. His father built it in their huge garage. It still was a little hideaway where we could hold court. I remember putting up posters of bands we liked. Probably a few of girls we liked as well. Hey, we were young teenage boys. When we got a radio we searched to put it in just the right place where it would blast the most sound. We even set an alarm that would alert us when an adult might be approaching. Not that I recall doing anything too outlandish in that abode.
Blanket forts, though not as elaborate, were equally exciting. Just the fact that they were separate. It was our domain. We could arrange them as we see fit. We could picture ourselves anywhere. Even then, this helped me on a cold Wisconsin winter. We could escape to a corner of the fort that was set aside as a time machine and could travel anywhere we wanted. We could decorate it anyway we thought looked cool. When that no longer suited us, we could tear it down and start all over again.
Where is all of this going? Am I going to tell you to go home and build a fort with blankets? Well….that is not entirely a bad idea. If that is not to your liking, there is something that we can take away from all of this that will help us regain some of that youthful enthusiasm for life.
When we were discussing the treehouses and forts, we mentioned all of the things kids do to make them ‘cool’. I mentioned putting up pictures of bands and things that made us excited to be alive. Well, who says the pictures in your house have to be limited to family and flowers? Put up a picture, or some other work of art, that speaks to your spirit. Every time you pass it, you will get that little jolt of excitement. Can you imagine how that might impact your life? How about finding the radio that I mentioned? We put in our earbuds when we are struggling to breathe on the treadmill, but there is something to be said about turning up some tunes and rocking out in your living room.Added bonus if it is a song you liked from your youth.
As far as alarms to let you know someone is coming, we have those too. Some of us have ring cameras we can check on our phones even while we are miles away. Most of us at least have a deadbolt. Not the most exciting, but if we picture that kid in the treehouse every time we turn the lock, it can seem just that little bit more exciting. It is this very change in perception that can help us recapture some of our passion for life. Our houses are our adult treehouses. Remember the place for a time machine I mentioned? Well, do you have a place you set aside to relax or meditate? If not, could you have one? You could close your eyes and pretend you are somewhere else. This could come in really handy after a tough work day.
The sad truth is that our appreciation for the simple things in life tends to fade as we grow older. Hiding in a blanket fort with those we love seems less exciting and we are waiting for a tropical vacation. Please do not misunderstand me. I am all for a tropical vacation. What many of us fail to realize is that by developing our appreciation for the small things, it only increases our gratitude for the seemingly big things. That is a thought we will continue tomorrow.
Last post we mentioned the quote from Tony Robbins that “What is wrong is always available. So is what is right.” Some of us have a challenge developing a grateful mindset. Doing so is the secret to living an amazing life. One of the easiest ways of doing this is to look around at the lives of those less fortunate. We do not have to look very far. The news is full of tragedy of both a personal and geographical nature. It blows my mind how upset with life some people can be. They lament how unfair life is or how hard they have it. If you can read these words, you have it better than millions of others. You are literate. That means you have the potential to learn just about anything. You have access to the internet. Which again means you can learn just about anything.
Gandhi’s thought above is a really bold statement. The late Greg Plitt, who continues to inspire, said “If you feel unmotivated to change your life, take a walk through the cancer ward at a children’s hospital.” That is an uncomfortable statement. The reason that it is so uncomfortable is that it forces us to realize how much greater our challenges can be. This is not to say whatever you are going through is not tough. Many of you are facing challenges greater than anything I have ever faced. It just reminds us that there are others who are struggling worse than us and could use our support and compassion.
Sticking with the gent from India, this is a great next step. When we see those folks who remind us that our situation could be worse. We should reach out and lend a hand. It is what will not only make their challenge a little less. It will help us gain the knowledge that even in our most challenging of times, we can be of service to others. We not only can be, but we should be. It is in doing so that we often discover our greatest gifts and talents. This can give us the confidence and purpose to make it through our own challenges. It is a win/win situation. It is how the world should be.
This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.
This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.
This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.
We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.
Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?
Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.
Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 