Tag: Happiness

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE…NOW?

Last blog we discussed what to do if people have upset us in the past and we are still letting it bother us. Today we will examine a great way to reduce the stress and strain of people upsetting us in the present. How to deal with that face to face anger that sometimes we may encounter.

If you work with the public, or deal with the public or even just deal with other people in your daily life, which should just about cover everybody, one of the greatest and most common challenges is…well other people. We all know if everybody in our lives would just play by our rules and understand that we are always right there would be no issue there. Unfortunately the boss does not always understand how difficult it is to get out of a warm bed on a cold day. Your spouse may not always understand how ‘one more drink’ became three. In other words the bad news is at some point in your life people will be mad at you. On a rare occasion they may even have a reason to be. So what than? How can we somehow not get stressed about someone screaming in close proximity to us? How can we use a person who is practicing replacing our name with different profanities as a growing experience? As I try to improve my own life these are the type of questions I find myself asking. Trust me if you wait until that person is in front of you to ask the question you may decide to distress by closing their mouth for them and the only thing growing may be your legal problems. So here is a little exercise you can get used to and practice that I find turns those experiences literally into a game and often leaves both parties feeling better when parting. A big promise, but I think if you stick with me you will see how it all comes together and thus reduce one of the most common stresses from your life.

here is the ‘magic formula’, it may sound to simple, it may sound like it will not work, but trust me after you master it you will be successful nine times out of ten. There are some people who just have severe social issues and cannot be reached. They are not our concern and really should be used as humorous fodder. So what is the idea already? Here is the plan. First, let the people vent for a little while. I don’t know when I am upset being interrupted can only be equated to throwing gasoline on a fire. When you feel you have a grasp of what ever life threatening event has them ready to start the next world war, then interrupt. Now, there is a very specific way to do this. Even if the event is pretty cut and dry, such as your dog does not understand property lines when needing to relive himself, still recap with a simple phrase showing you are interested in their issue. An example is “Just to make sure we are on the same page…” or “To make sure I understand what is upsetting you…” in addition to showing them you care it forces you to listen to what they are saying as you are pondering just how to word your question. The next thing is something that can totally turn this person who may be picturing you in some terrible compromising position into your best friend. While listening to there list of complaints with the state of the world, look for something you can honestly compliment them on. Do they have a nice shirt on? Are they wearing a nice fragrance? this part takes practice and skill as does bringing it to their attention. I caution you not to try flattery which I am not a big fan of anyway, false praise comes across as such and can often generate further anger. It is even better if you can ask them a question about the compliment. The reason you want to do this is because it forces them to think about what you said. A great example of how to do this would be “I understand you are upset fido fertilized your flowers without asking, but I have to ask you what is that amazing fragrance you are wearing? It smells so familiar but I can’t quite place it?” I have even taken it one step further, but I will get to that in a moment. after discussing a legitimate compliment paid in their favor, and again a stress make it real, you would be surprised how the conversation can change.

All of this may sound unbelievable so let me provide a recent example. A lady walked into the post office with a bill for her post office box that was due on January 31st. She had come in on the 28th to discover that the price had went up 2 dollars from the amount shown. No notice was given to her and she already had her check made out. She wasn’t late, the price had just changed. She had a right to be upset. This woman, however, took it one step further and went on for roughly ten minutes on the lack of intelligence of the lady helping her, how terrible the organization was. By the time I was called up there she had worked herself into quite a stressful state for both her and all of those around her. I calmly asked if I could make sure I had this right. “You are upset because you are paying a pill that you were told would be one amount if paid by the 31st and here it is the 28th and we are asking for two dollars more? I don’t blame you for being upset” That simple act of understanding why she was upset started to calm her down. I explained that our goal was to get her Post office box renewed and that regretfully our computers did not allow us to charge her the old price. She suddenly ‘remembered’ she had two dollars in the car. As she walked out (which gave her time to breath as well as the sales associate) I started thinking I needed to find something nice to point about this lady. When she walked back in I noticed she had black pants and a plain black jacket. No luck there. Her hair was cut short and simple. Again not much to work with. She had no discernible wonderful scent. Then I noticed the rims on her glasses were an awesome red color I had never seen. Keep in mind I went through all of this in about 1 minute. If you just stand there staring at someone who may cause the anger level to rise again. So I said “I thank you for understanding about this unfortunate computer error with our pricing and I wish to get you taken care of right away, but as I am doing so I have to ask where you purchased those glasses I have never seen such an amazing color” She thought for a second and told me the name of the store. I knew there was one close to where I live and asked her if that was the location she went to. She told me no it was the one down the street. I again told her I would love to see what color they have for men and could she tell me what street it was on. (I don’t wear glasses by the way). She thought again and gave me cross streets. I thanked her for the information and began to apologize for the misunderstanding she came in for in the first place. Her reply shocked everyone who was there “No I should have paid my bill right when I got it” I countered with “Truly we will look into notifying people if the price changes in the future. I can understand how upsetting that would be” She replied “It’s not that upsetting. I’m sorry you just caught me on a bad day” So there may have been more to this lady’s anger. She left apologizing to me and I think feeling if she did not have a good experience and least did not have a bad one.

Enough practice with this and you almost feel as though you are playing a game. I felt a sense of accomplishment when that lady left. She felt a little less upset. I think it was a win for all parties concerned.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Yesterday we looked a bit at a conversation I had with a wonderful friend of mine. Today we are going to look a little more specifically at the issue she was having which very well might be an issue that you are dealing with as well. Yesterday we discussed what to do if you had an issue from your past that may be holding you back. We spoke briefly about guilt and regret which are two of the main past issues that affect people. Today we are going to look a little closer at her specific issue and what I recommended. This amazing young lady who has truly a heart of gold, was being poorly treated by several friends and even some members of her own family. She was trying her best to keep everyone happy, but their nasty behavior kept on. Sound familiar? We all have people who come into our life at some point, some who may have been in there our whole lives that mistreat us. The question is how can we not let the hurtful things they say and do affect us? In short the answer is you can’t. We are all human, we all have feelings. A point it always helps to remember when we are dealing with others as well. So if we can’t stop their arrows of hatred, jealousy and anger from piercing our hearts, what can we do? Ask ourselves the most important question “what does this all mean?” Sometimes the person we are dealing with is just having a tough time and maybe some issues we don’t even know about. It could be they are just unfairly taking it out on us. In this case although it hurts, it is a good opportunity to practice compassion and understanding. Another good question to ask ourselves is “What could possibly make someone act this way?” This is an especially good question to ask if this behavior is new. In this case we also have a chance to further practice our skills at politely asking people what does seem to be troubling them. Often times we may discover an issue we can either assist with or at least further understand the person we are dealing with. That act of caring can bring the relationship closer.

So what if we do all this investigating and compassion only to discover the person isn’t having a rough time, or dealing with an unforeseen issue? What if we discover their only issue is that they are an ass, what then? Great question! In fact, that happened to be one of the examples my friend gave me. She was fired from her job so the gentleman running the company could give a job to his mistress. Now on the outside she thought, and rightfully so, “How unfair is it that I work my butt off and this guy is cheating on his wife with this woman so I loose my job just so she can have one?” That is a fair question to ask, but it is not a very empowering one. If we asked what does this mean we could certainly come up with the answer that it means this man has lost morals and values his sexual gratification over a good employee. That is a true statement and may help us feel good…for the short-term. How can we use this to empower us more. This is why it may be important to revisit things that have happened to us that may have seemed ‘unfair’ at the time. I asked my friend if she really wanted to work for a gentleman with those kinds of moral standards. She replied no. I also asked her to share with me what happened to her after she left this job. She told me her very next job only lasted a short while, but in that time she was able to bring a lot of good to the life of a coworker who was struggling. The second job she had after that, which she currently holds. Allowed her to move out-of-state and be someone warm where she is considerably happy. These things would not have happened if her former boss had not let her go. Sometimes it is hard to understand why people do what they do or how we can benefit from it until far after the time it happens. Sometimes we may never understand but if we are always approaching life asking empowering questions and looking for ways to benefit and learn from every situation nine times out of ten we will. So don’t play the victim, play the master! Plus, trying to guess why other people do what they do is only slightly harder than guessing the winning lottery numbers.

GIVE THE PERFECT GIFT

I originally started this site because I wanted to create more joy in my own life, and wanted to share the tips I discovered in my journey with anyone else who may be on the same path. One of the greatest gifts this website has given back to me is the continuing discovery of new and exciting ways to improve the quality of my life. I am constantly looking to strengthen anything I think needs work on me. Luckily I have no shortage of flaws to work on. We all do. They may all be different, but they are all a blessing in disguise. Challenges and imperfections give us a chance to learn and to grow. Plus, the pressure on somebody who is perfect would be more than I could bear. One of the interesting things about me is that on occasion I stress over gift giving. I always want to give the perfect gift. Of course I would recommend my book  A Happy Life for Busy People which captures the very best of this blog. That may be just a shameless self-promotion. Actually my wonderful friend Cheryl gave me the best gift idea ever. If somebody asked you what gift you would want if you could have anything, what would it be? Chances are the answers here will be varied. Diamonds? A new sports car? A promotion at your job? Roses from an admirer? Why do we want any of these things? Diamonds could make us feel extremely valuable. A new sports car? Well that could certainly makes us feel powerful or really cool. Promotion at work could give us a sense of importance. Roses from an admirer would most certainly make us feel loved. I know what you are thinking, “Neil these are not one gift, they are many gifts. On top of that, all of these gifts are different” Very true indeed. What if I were to tell you there was a gift that could make you feel all of these things? It would make you feel more valued than a diamond, more cool than a sports car, more important than a promotion and more loved than several dozen roses! Would you not want to go out and buy that gift for the most important person on your gift giving list? Would you not want to give this gift for the most important of all occasions? Well I have good news and bad news for you. First the bad news, you cannot buy this gift. It is not available for any dollar amount and cannot be created by anyone other than you. No, in fact this gifts only price is a few moments of your time, some honest reflection and a pen and paper. That is the good news, this powerful priceless gift is available to anyone! Ok, so you have read this far and stuck with me, what is this gift already? Well, here it is. An honest and heartfelt letter of appreciation and gratitude. You may be tempted to dismiss this as trivial…don’t! Think of how you would feel receiving a letter from someone in your life not only expressing their appreciation for you, but going in-depth as to why they appreciate you and all the things you have done for them. How easy to you think it would be to write and give one of those letters to someone? Here is a little secret for all of my shy friends. The letter still works (although not nearly as well) even if you do not give it to them. Sitting down and writing out all the ways you appreciate someone and all they have done for you will change the way you view and thus treat that person. I also imagine that the energy will be picked up in some subtle way by that person. Of course the feelings would be far more intense and have a far greater effect if they could actually read the letter. Give it a try. Write one, maybe even hang on to it a while. Just see how life changes. Maybe shoot for writing one a week. Pick a different person each week. Tomorrow we will discuss another once a week action you can employ that will have a great effect on your life this coming year…

YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO ACCEPT IT

Sample mission statement
Sample mission statement (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We ended last week talking about goals. Hopefully by now you have developed a set of goals you hope to attain in the coming year. Even though we have shown how important these goals are and how much benefit they can bring to your life there still exists one problem. Time. Now truly taking 5 minutes twice a day to review your goals and cement them in your mind should not be that great of a challenge. Especially considering the great benefits you stand to gain. Today we live in a nanosecond world. If an internet page takes more than ten seconds to download to your phone something must be wrong. So to review a list of several items several times a day just is too much to ask most people. In some ways this sounds crazy to me considering I know what a difference it can make. Still the point of this blog and my mission in life is to help the most people change their lives for the better. So taking the modern person into consideration how can one stay focused and give their life direction without taking time to review goals. First, let me make it clear and am saying you should give up on the practice of reviewing your goals. Try to incorporate it into your life as often as you can. Still if we can get some of the same results and make it as simple as remembering a single idea or theme wouldn’t that streamline the focusing process?

How many of you have heard of a mission statement? They are pretty popular with companies and organizations in the corporate world. The main purpose of a mission statement is to define a direction and ethical standard for companies to follow. That way they can easily decide if they or any situation they find themselves in meets their standards. Sound familiar? It is the same thing we have been discussing on an individual basis. Viewing your life as a corporation where you are the president and CEO has great value. that is a subject we will approach tomorrow. Keeping that in the back of your mind begin to think of what would make a good mission statement for the company that is your life? What is your life’s main purpose? Are there any standards you must not violate? What are you passionate about? There is a great website that can assist you in crafting your own mission statement nightingale.com is a site full of self-improvement products you can purchase. Still one impressive thing they have available free on their website is a tool allowing you to write your own mission statement. After you do so you will have one emotionally charged, positive and descriptive statement for the purpose of your life. This statement can be amended throughout your life, but it provides you a great tool to decide if you and any situation in your life is meeting your standards and purpose for being on this amazing planet. I highly suggest beginning to view your life as your own company and do so by crafting your own mission statement. We will examine the benefits of this tomorrow.

ANOTHER FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION…

Ok, this title is kind of a lie. This is more like a frequently heard statement. When I start talking happiness and positivity to some people the response I get is something along the lines of “I’ll be happy when I win the lottery” or “I’ll be happy when I finally get a car that runs decent” more money, more health, more friends. Yes all those things can add joy to our lives. Those things can also be taken from us. True happiness is something that happens within. Positivity is an outlook and a journey, not an event or a destination. I know this sounds rather ‘new age’ and fluffy. In fact before I started this journey myself I would’ve argued happiness can be found at the bottom of a glass of rum. On a tough day at the post office, you may still get that argument. To better explain the theory that happiness is an inside job, let me cite a quote from a great modern-day philosopher

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body”

George Carlin

Does wearing a cross around your neck make you a more spiritual person? No more than wearing your favorite players jersey would make you a great athlete. Our spirituality, our happiness, very few things are more important to us. So why let your happiness be determined by outside factors? If you develop inner joy and then win the lottery imagine how much happier you would be? What if you develop inner happiness and then lose your job? How much better would you be equipped to handle that? Truth be told I may discover one of both of those here in a short period of time. The point here is in order to have a sense of peace and joy you can count on, you must develop it within. You cannot make it dependent on outside factors. You must take control over the important things in your life. Your happiness should be one of those areas.

IS HAPPINESS HARDER TO FIND???

“If you want other to be happy, practice compassion. if YOU want to be happy, practice compassion”

-The Dalai Lama

 

Here are some interesting facts I pulled out of this months Success Magazine according to a May report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention here are some interesting facts for the years 1999-2010

Suicide in adults age 35-64 rose 28.4%

it rose 48.6% for men in their 50’s

it also rose 59.7% for women age 60-64

So what solution does this article recommend for this issue? Altruism, or simply put, helping others. I know to a lot of you this may sound “new age-ish” but let me assure you it is not. Shawn Achor, author of the book Before Happiness and author of the article cites recent positive psychology research. I am going to cite not so recent Neil past events. There was a time a few years back my life was a mess, my job at the post office was in limbo at best, my relationship had ended and I just seemed more depressed every day. Now of course this is before I started researching and applying lots of the knowledge on display here and in my new book. Back to that time however, I didn’t know which way to go. My friends and family had grown tired of listening to my “woe is me” attitude and quite frankly, so did I. So seeing the post office didn’t care to use my talents I decided to head down to the meal program I helped at once a month. It was not the day that I normally helped, but figured they could always use an extra hand. That simple decision impacted my life dramatically. First, it put in prospective my problems. I still had a job, albeit barely. I was healthy. I had a roof over my head. the people we served that day could only make claim to a few of those, some not even one. Not only that, their expressions of gratitude and genuine wishes of goodwill for me were overwhelming. By the end of the day not only had I pretty much forgotten about my problems I was feeling grateful and even happy. Seeing that you can make someone else smile has a profound effect. Looking back that may have been the beginning of my passion to serve and help others. Which was later brought to the forefront by my amazing friends Carmen and Alyssa. (More on them tomorrow.) The great thing about helping others is it really is one situation in life that is win/win. When you bring joy or just simply a smile to the heart of another person they obviously feel good, but seeing that reaction and knowing you played a part in it brings a joy like nothing I have ever experienced. you do not have to help at a meal program or a shelter to have this effect. Notice people who do not normally receive a lot of compliments. try giving them a sincere and kind word or maybe even just a smile and hello. When, at Christmas time, the post office becomes the personification of chaos I cannot begin to tell you how much the words “Thank you for your hard work during the holiday season” mean. Not to mention all the homemade cookies and candy! So perhaps a kind word to a busy cashier, or an extra tip for a busy waitress this weekend. You may not stay to see the results, but knowing you had a positive effect on a person’s day can make your day as well. So go ahead and be kind for selfish reasons. If we all were this world would be an amazing place!

THE COMMON THREAD..PART ONE

In yesterday’s post I told you that most happy people I have interviewed both at the bar, the post office, Starbucks…really any place you can find me on a regular basis, had many things in common. Well, one line at the end of that post is what we are going to discuss today. I also told you that the unhappy people I ‘interviewed’ had a common thread as well. I will give you an example. There is a lady I have worked with the last 15 plus years at the post office. She is one of those people who are determined to remain unhappy. I think she is so unhappy she doesn’t even realize it herself. I’m sure nobody else knows anyone like this, but in the off-chance you do let us proceed shall we? When I decided I would ask negative people what made them happy she was the first person that came to mind. For the fist time in countless years I was excited to have a conversation with her. So I asked her, “What makes you happy?” her answer, though not terribly surprising, was enlightening. she said “It will make me happy when I know longer have to work here” Now we have all had days that we certainly would rather be somewhere else than our jobs. Why I know I felt that way…ummm…yesterday I believe. The point here was the question was not “What would make you happy, or what makes you unhappy” In answering what made her happy she inferred the removal of something that makes her unhappy. In this case, her job. So that is point one. Unhappy people, or even happy people who are feeling less than happy are focusing on an issue that makes them unhappy. Now, we all have to tackle tough issues in our life. Focusing your emotion, time and energy on them only makes them seem larger and destroys your happiness. At the bare minimum just figure “this sucks, let’s tackle it” The other answer she gave, which was also not a huge surprise was the following “I’ll be happy when I have enough money that I don’t have to come here anymore” This point is really easy. You want to be unhappy, focus on what you are lacking. not only does it make you feel unhappy, but it gives you a feeling of loss of control, rejection, poverty and lots of other fun emotions. The sad part here is a lot of the other unhappy people I asked shared the same answer. There was one more interesting thread that did not show up in all of the unhappy people, but enough that it is worth noting. a lot of them gave me a simple three word answer “I don’t know”.  The sad point here is if you never took the time to figure out what makes you happy, how on earth can you hope to be happy? By chance? There is also a chance a bar of gold might fall out of the sky and land at my feet and make me rich. Not likely though. Which is why a lot of unhappy people feel they have no control over their own lives. They ‘wake up in neutral’ as I like to say. Waiting for the world to tell them if they should be happy or not. I hope you all are sitting down when I tell you this. If you wait for the world to tell you to be happy, or decide what mood you should be in, you are going to be unhappy a very long time. So my suggestion here, review the common traits of unhappy people, check your own life for where these may pop up. Tomorrow we will look at the answers the happy people gave.

It makes scents

In two other posts we shared how to use two of the senses to infuse joy into your life.  We used hearing in the post titled ‘Happy CD’ and we used vision in the post titled ‘Vision Board’.  If you are not familiar with those I would suggest going back in the archives and rereading them.  Well we are now moving on to our third sense, smell.  How powerful is the sense of smell.  Some say it is one of the most powerful senses for bringing up memories.  Realtors use the scent of baking chocolate chip cookies to try to sell homes.  Here is a more powerful example I heard of recently.  A medical university studied the power of smell on a group of rats.  Now I know what your thinking, rats are not people.  In which case I encourage you to come check out the bar I work at.  In all seriousness, here is how the experiment went.  The had two groups of rats, one the injected with a chemical that causes cancer.  Just enough where it would begin to tear down the rats cells, but not enough to cause the cancer to grow.  In the second group they gave a super vitamin shot to.  After doing both they filled the rat’s tank with the smell of camphor.  They did this over and over.  Finally all they did was release the scent of camphor with no chemicals.  What do you think happened? The one group of rats continued to progress towards developing cancer while the other group continued their upward healthy spiral.

So how can we apply this to you and me?  Well if we are trying to sell our homes, bake cookies and stay away from rats that smell like camphor.  Seriously, think of a fragrance that you enjoy.  I rather like the scent of coconut because it reminds me of vacation and lovely ladies covered in tanning oil.  I also like the scent of spiced rum, but if you were to go around smelling rum, you may be tempted to drink said rum and that may not always be appropriate.  Back to our post today.  I suggest figuring out what scent inspires you.  Does the scent of pine make you think of the woods and adventure?  Vanilla give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? Whatever it is, get yourself a nice bottle of essential oils.  I know a lot of people like ‘Young Living’ oils, but any quality essential oil will do.  A lot of homeopathic stores, or organic grocery stores will have them.  Keep it in your car, at the office, or wherever you may need it.  I have a bottle of peppermint at the office that gives me a quick pick me up with I need it. Just one more quick tool to change your state when you need it

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN

Sometime in our life we went from being the adventure seeking young child, to the adult waiting for life to happen to us.  A view that also affects our view of happiness. I was told the other day that someone was “Never happy, but it’s not their fault because nothing ‘happy’ ever happens to them”.  Here is when a slight change in perception can make all the difference.  Going back to that adventurous toddler, when we are young, we seek out happiness, we don’t just sit in our cribs and wait for it to ‘happen to us’ much to the chagrin of our parents.  When we grow older, however, lots of us just sit in the house and watch tv waiting for something happy to happen.  Here is when a good definition of what happy means to you would certainly help.  While enjoying a cup of coffee at the local Starbucks with a group of friends the other day, I asked them what would make them happy. There were two very different kinds of happiness expressed.  There was what I shall call ‘high excitement’ happiness. The “brand new sports car” “winning the lottery” “night in Vegas” to the ‘low excitement’ variety, “having the dishes done” “a good book and a bottle of wine” “a nice long walk in the woods with my dog”.  Although these answers are very different, they both work for the people who said them. So I asked, why are you not working toward saving for that trip to Vegas? How about working with you spouse to schedule some time alone for a book and a glass of wine.  Sometimes we forget a little pursuing on our behalf, and a change in perspective can make all the difference. Plus, let’s be honest, we all deserve it! Have an amazing day my friends!

THINK…BACKWARDS…

So often I hear people say, “I’m in such a bad mood and I don’t even know why” I must confess to having felt that way before.  This can be a rather perfect scenario for being happy.  Now you may be wondering if I have completely lost my mind.  While that has yet to be determined, at least let me explain my last statement.  When it comes to adding more joy to your life, as with any worthwhile goal, one of the greatest challenges lies in just knowing how.  Let’s face it, if there was a simple step by step plan to a happy life, wouldn’t we all follow it?  One of the greatest challenges I have had in both putting together both this website and my book is people are different.  What makes one person happy, well it may not work for the next person.  So how can we discover what truly makes us happy and develop a formula to continually accomplish that?  I have two suggestions and they are complete opposites and involve thinking backwards. Now before I loose everyone completely, let’s take a step back.  Here is the first method. Even in the darkest of lives there are moments if not days when things just seem to be going your way.  Think back have you ever had one of those days where you are just happy with the world?  Here is a suggestion, try retracing your steps.  What do I mean?  Simple, start from how you are feeling and work back through your day.  Perhaps you had completed a project you were working on?  Maybe you brought a smile to the face of a friend or even a complete stranger.  Maybe you just finished listening to one of your favorite songs on the radio, or working out.  It will be different for everyone, and there may be a few things in there that just seem kind of crazy, but if they lead you to happiness…who cares!  The point here is to look at what makes up a great day for you.  Perhaps write them down on a list, or in a person journal (more on that in later in the week).  Ok, so perhaps you haven’t had one of those days in a while? Maybe you can’t remember what made you so happy, or just want to enjoy the feeling without trying to figure it out. Fair enough.  Even if you find yourself having a miserable day, it is cause to get excited!  Why would feeling miserable be anything to be excited about you may ask.  This is why, it works the same way as being happy.  If you’re having a bad day, stop and think about all the things that transpired to bring you to that point.  Make a list of those things too.  Not only will you come up with a list of things you would do well to eliminate from your life, but if you look at the opposite of those things, you have the seeds for what will make you happy.  So even knowing what you dislike can be a very healthy thing.  If you were to say, I dislike all the negative people I run into.  You will know limiting your exposure to negative people might be something you wish to work on.  You may also phrase it as “adding more positive people to my life would make it better”.  So as this week continues, try thinking backwards and form a plan for your own happiness.  A plan that would be as unique as the person writing it!