Today is Monday. Many people strongly dislike Mondays. It is the start of the work week and the end of relaxing. For me personally, I DJ Sunday and go to bed about 2am. My alarm goes off for work at 4am. If you are keeping score at home, that leaves 2 hours for sleep.
Here is the interesting thing – there is beauty in a Monday. It is the start of a week of challenges that can leave you a stronger person by weeks end. It is the beginning of a week of opportunity to save towards your retirement. How about developing character by showing up on time and working hard?
It is not only Mondays, but every aspect of life that has beauty. Yes, even the ones we consider negative. I have found beauty in a dental visit. I have found beauty cleaning up a river. There is even beauty to be found at a funeral.
What is the big deal about finding beauty in life? The more beauty you can find around you, the more beautiful life becomes. How about you? Have there been situations where you have been able to find beauty when others could not?
Today is Monday. It is a tough day for a lot of people. One of the best things we can do is be kind to them. How can you be kind to someone today? Let’s share all the ways in which we can show love and generosity to others?
Here is a relationship secret that really shouldn’t be a secret at all. It is something that a lot of couples find very difficult to manage in today’s complex and connected world. That secret is to not share too much of your relationship online. It may be tempting to air out your dirty laundry like your favorite celebrity. Especially in the heat of the moment. You want everyone to know what they did to upset you so. Here is two problems with that. First, there are people who are just waiting to swoop in and take the person you love, even if you do not like them at the moment. Every episode of drama you air on social media puts a chink in your armor of love and gives them a little more ammunition to try and tear you two apart. You may not even know who these people are, maybe your partner doesn’t either. They are out there, rest assured.
The second one is even more certain. It makes you look foolish. You might be asking yourself how sharing something totally thoughtless your partner did can make you look foolish. There are actually two answers to that as well. You are the one who chose to be with them. If you are constantly belittling them, what does that say about your judge of character? We all know that couple that are forever breaking up and getting back together online. One day they are trying to convince the world how terrible they have been done wrong, the next day they are waxing poetically about the ‘forever love of their life’. Stop it. You look foolish. People are reading it and thinking “How can she go back to him?” or “I would never lower myself to being with a woman that treated me that way.” You are making your partner look bad and you are making yourself look bad.
That being said, you would certainly benefit by sharing your love for your partner. Sure, you may have to deal with some sarcastic comments from those who are either jealous, jaded or affection-challenged, but it is a small price to pay for the rewards you will get by sharing all the wonderful things about your partner and all the reasons you love them. What are those rewards you ask? Let us take a look at just a few of them.
In many ways you could flip the things we discussed earlier. For people who are looking to damage your relationship or steal your partner away from you, sharing how wonderful you think they are and how much you love them would serve as a great discouragement. They may search out easier prey. Second, you make both your partner and you look good. When you post what an amazing cake your partner made or the wonderful dinner they prepared for you, people will look and say things like, “That Margie is sure talented.” or “Look how good she treats her man.” A random post about how grateful you feel to have your partner, provided it is genuine, will accomplish much the same thing. People will read all the things you are grateful for in your wonderful partner and think highly of them. They will notice how appreciative you are, and think, “Boy I wish my partner appreciated me that much.” You will help both of you look better in the world’s eyes.
Relationships are not for the world at large and neither should your efforts. Although we have shown why that can be important, let us look at another important to share your pride and gratitude for your partner with the world. That is you increase the intimacy between you. Why? Who does not like to feel their partner is proud of them? Do you know what else feels good? When the wonderful things you say about your partner get back to them. I recall being at a jewelry store with Margie and one of the employees came up to tell her all of the wonderful things I say about her. I am sure she might have been hoping to sell us some more diamonds, but gave us an even greater gift. She showed my love that my affection for her is alive and well even when she is not around. Who wouldn’t want to hear their partner is telling everyone how much they love them? In turn, that increases trust and affection between the two of you.
You should feel proud and grateful for your relationship. If you don’t, there are bigger issues you may want to address. Follow the steps we have outlined here to make sure you take some of these old-fashioned values with you into the modern world of love.
One of the most prevalent problems we have today is a lack of energy. It is not always physical energy. It can be emotional, spiritual or any other drain. People just feel burned out. Is that you? Certainly, considering all of the things that I am involved in, it is always something to be on the lookout for. It seems you are working hard just to meet up with your obligations and then life picks that time to give you a tough challenge.
Have you ever felt like you were close to having it all together when suddenly you find yourself catching a cold? Maybe you finally are starting to feel some inner peace and that is when your spouse has a personal meltdown? It can be even worse. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can seem to be constantly working on keeping your head above water. You make it through a tough day at work. Your coworkers call in sick. There is more work for you because of that. Your boss is aggravated that the other employees decided to stay home and takes it out on the employee that didn’t. Namely, you. Then you get home barely making it through the day and your spouse has a meltdown. You snap at them because you have already had a tough day. After a minute you regret not treating them with compassion. Now you are not only stressed beyond breaking, you have created a new problem.
Here is where a great deal of this issue starts. We fight every battle that is in front of us. By the time we show up for the really important ones, we are often to tired and crumble at the first sign of struggle. That is why it is important to set boundaries and decide what is really important. You boss yells at you because other workers didn’t show up and they are in a bad mood. Is it fair? No. Does it suck? Yes. Is it really important in the long run? No. Do not waste your energy being upset about other people, which is something we cannot control anyway. This is the same for getting fired up listening to talk radio on the way home. I know a few people who listen to political or sports programs and come home full of rage. Why on earth would you do that? News flash – the athletes and politicians do not know or care about you. Your spouse does. Listen to some music that will help relieve the stress of the day and have you arriving at home full of love.
My day job is at the US Postal Service. Not only is there lots of stress there, but I work 55 hours a week. If I wasted my energy on every little thing at the office, I would come home drained and angry. Margie and I work at a bar on the weekend. If we played into every situation of drama and gossip, we would not only be wasting our time, we would be exhausted. My love for her, and my respect for both her and myself, is worth far too much for that.
How about you? What battles are you fighting that are draining you and not serving you? Could you set boundaries that would help you? Do you have a written list of what is your priority in life and what is important? How often do you review that list? Just a few minutes in the morning, or even in the middle of the day to recalibrate, would make a world of difference!
I am an optimist. That should not surprise many of you. Someone who explores the secrets behind an amazing life is bound to be one. What I find interesting is what many people assume that means.
Let us begin by discussing what it doesnot mean. Many people associate optimism with some sort of Pollyana. As if we are refusing to acknowledge that problems in life exist. That is not optimism, that is denial. Optimism is not chanting happy sounding mantras that we have no emotional attachment to. That is not what true optimism is about. When most people think of an optimistic person, they often associate it with some sort of weakness or Naivete. Again, both not optimism.
What really optimism encompasses, is a belief that things will eventually work out in your favor. That does not mean denying challenges exist, but asking ourselves what they are trying to teach us, and how we can use them to our advantage. It is being honest that things may not be looking the best right now, but we are growing in strength, knowledge and character. This takes some amount of bravery and a great deal of faith. It is a strong person who can keep their eyes on the distant shore, even in the middle of a tempest. Life will provide storms. When you have an optimistic attitude, you do not pretend it is not raining. You summon your emotional fortitude and decide the best way to navigate that storm. You do so with firm belief you will not only make it through the storm, but be better off for it.
Keeping an optimistic attitude will go a great way to determining the actions we will take and the opportunities we will feel confident to take advantage of. It takes no real strength to be a pessimist. Even those who claim they are ‘realists’ are selling themselves short. Yes, life might not always turn out like we wish, or in the time we desire. Without a firm belief that good things will happen, we are a lot less likely to put ourselves out there and to claim all of the good fortune that we deserve.
This is a picture from a little Italian grocery store I visited while taking my aunt out to her old neighborhood. I love the suggestion on the bottom. “Best served in good company”. How many things should have this suggestion? Good company makes everything better.
On this evening, I was accompanied by not only my aunt, but my mother and Margie as well. We ate at my aunt’s favorite Chinese restaurant, shopped at this grocery store and relaxed at an independent coffee shop. All that would be a great night for me, but doing it with those you love make it even more amazing.
How about you? Have there been things you have done that are ‘best served in good company?’ What other products do you think should have this suggestion printed on them? My suggestion would be coffee. Sharing a good cup of coffee with a friend makes it taste that much better. What is your suggestion?
Here is a secret to an amazing life. Many people are so focused on ‘only thinking positive thoughts’. That is enough to drive you crazy. Stuff happens in life that will throw you. I do not care how positive you are, life can be tough at times. The secret is to have the tools and strategies to make sure the tough times are not that frequent and not that intense. One of the best ways that I have found to do this is to reserve my negative emotional energy for what really matters. If you spend days in bed upset because a person you considered a friend of yours spread negative gossip about you, what are you going to do when you lose a job or a loved one? That is not to say that all of these other things are not terrible, but they do not have to control our spirit.
That is the difference to real positivity and the kind that just glosses over life. Real positivity acknowledges that life sucks sometimes. Instead of crying, “Why me?” it says, “This bad thing happened. Now what?” Noticing you are feeling sad, irritable or angry is not necessarily bad. It is a learning opportunity. How did these feelings come about? What were the causes and what possible solutions can we try to use to change our emotional state? These questions can be better answered if you are in the habit of journaling. Trying to figure all of this out in your head can lead one to a state of insanity in a short amount of time.
Do your best to be an observer of your thoughts. Whether they are good or bad, ask yourself some of the questions we mentioned above. When you find things that trigger bad moods, try to avoid or eliminate those. When you find things that lift up your emotional state, do more of those. In this manner you will continue to move your life one step closer to amazing. Again, this does not mean there will not be rough patches. I think you can see by observing and understanding your thoughts and emotions, you can add more of what fills you with joy, and less of what takes away from your joy. That is the secret to an amazing life.
This is something I have the great pleasure of experiencing in my life. It is not by accident. If you are a giving type of person, I will naturally gravitate towards you. People who show a great interest in helping others are people I like to have in my life. For example, I just have coffee with my good friend Nick the other day. He is a giver. Always happy to lend an ear, some solid advice and even some encouragement. A great guy. A few posts ago, I mentioned Tanya and Montell, who are friends of Margie and I. Very generous and giving people.
The danger of being a giving person is that sometimes you connect with a taking person. Someone who is just looking to drain others. That is why it is so important for giving people to set boundaries, otherwise they could find themselves drained and jaded. A taking person can ruin a giving person, but only if they are allowed. When two giving people get together it is not only like magic, but an artful dance. Sometimes one person gives, sometimes the other gives. Yes, there is taking in this relationship. If not, it would not be possible for there to be giving. What is beautiful is that the reciprocation is always right around the corner.
Giving people can often have a hard time receiving. This is where being with another giving person helps. You are both able to give, and to help the other receive. I used to be someone who had a hard time receiving. Then, I heard a story about a man who also tried to be a giver. One day a friend of his took him to lunch. When the man tried to pay the bill his friend snatched it out of his hand and exclaimed, “How dare you deprive me of the joy of taking you to lunch!” I had never quite thought of it that way. I feel great giving and helping others. I am sure they feel the same way helping me. Why should I deny them that? It has helped me be a little more comfortable with the receiving aspect of relationships.
How about you? Do you know some amazing givers? Are you a giver? If so, have you been able to set boundaries so you are not taken advantage of and drained? Have you found other giving souls to connect with and how has that created magic in your life?
This is an interesting thought. I’ve been clinically dead for a bit, but not sure how much my brain lived on before, during our after for that matter. If it is true, and I’m not sure how they came by this information, it brings up several important questions.
The most important one is rather obvious. What is your 7 minutes? Were they when you are younger? Have they come recently? Are they, as this quote implies, tied to a certain person? Have they Perhapscome at a certain location? Maybe your best 7 minutes was engaged in a certain activity?
I think if we view our life in 7 minute blocks, it can help us stay in the present. After all, 7 minutes is not a very long time. I can tell you there have been several 7 minutes in my life that I can recall. The first 7 minutes I spent in Jamaica with Margie. Knowing I had helped make one of her life dreams come true. Even the first time she was able to see a palm tree in Las Vegas. Recently walking hand in hand in the Bahamas shopping and making new friends was amazing. I recall a morning sipping my favorite iced coffee with my mother at the State Fair listening to a band play tropical music. That was an awesome 7 minutes! Speaking of the State Fair, last year I proposed to Margie there. That was a crazy and memorable 7 minutes.
As you can see, there are several people and locations involved in my 7 minutes. I also think of my uncle and I at the Iola car show, my grandfather and I at this rummage event. My grandmother and I playing cards for an entire afternoon. So many good memories! Each one of them is an amazing 7 minutes. How my brain will pick out 7 from all that will be a neat trick. Then again, I am not in a hurry to find out. Instead, I am going to focus on what I will suggest you focus on – creating more amazing 7 minutes!
Have you ever heard of Johnny Appleseed? This may surprise many of you, but he was a real person. His name was John Chapman. He was an American nurseryman. Meaning he looked after young plants, not young humans. He was famous for introducing large parts of North America to trees grown from apple seeds. He was a very successful business man who ended up owning over 1200 acres of land by the time of his death. He shared his knowledge and seeds with many different people. He would plant a nursery, move on and come back a few years later to check on it. Cute story, but what does that have to do with living an amazing life?
We can be our own Johnny (Or Janie) Appleseed. What we can do is spread seeds of inspiration, hope and empowerment. I use the example of Johnny Appleseed, and planting seeds in general for 2 very important reasons. First, we must keep in mind no matter how pure our intentions, we should not try to change other people. Planting a seed is just that. You give them the opportunity to let it grow within themselves. What they do with it is their responsibility. They can water or fertilize it, or they can let it die. All of that is up to them. We must keep this perspective to help us from becoming disillusioned when our efforts to help someone improve their life do not seem to be working. We are planting a seed. Different seeds grow at different rates. It has a lot to do with both the seed itself, as well as the environment. The same can be said with the seed of self-improvement, encouragement or whatever else you are planting.
That leads us to our second reason for using this metaphor. You may want to stop by after some time and see how the seed you planted is coming along. If it does not seem to be blossoming, there may be several reasons. It may be growing slowly. It could use some extra help, or just some extra time. Maybe it did not take root at all? You may need to plant some more seeds or find more fertile ground. Just remember, the more seeds you plant, the more likely they are to grow. Spread the seeds of love, kindness and compassion wherever you go. You could even wear a pot on your head like Johnny Appleseed if you think it would help.
