Tag: Happiness

FEEL THE MAGIC EVERYDAY! 🪄

Last post we discussed how we can recapture a little of the excitement of youth by remembering how cool things we used to do in treehouses and blanket forts were and comparing them with what we can do in our own homes. We ended that post by observing that our appreciation for the simple things tends to fade as we grow older. We do not find hiding in a blanket fort with our love as exciting as landing in Jamaica, or wherever our choice vacation destination is. Obviously, there are many more benefits to traveling to a luxury resort in a tropical paradise. Especially if you live in the freezing climate like my lady and I do.

What I am about to share with you is a very powerful secret to not only an amazing life, but an amazing relationship. Sit down, get comfy, but pay close attention. Using this secret will both deepen your connection with your partner and increase the amount of joy you experience on those tropical getaways. The best part we haven’t even mentioned. It will have you experiencing more joy on a daily basis. How about that for something amazing? You will grow closer to your partner, those special moments will feel more magical and you will experience more peace and joy in your heart daily. Does that sound like something you might be willing to give a try?

The answer lies in what we do in those seemingly little moments. I say ‘seemingly’ because that is how we view them. They are, however, the basis of what makes our life what it is. If you wait to bring magic to your relationship until there is a special occasion, what are you doing the rest of the time? Les Brown said there are very few couples who are living together. Most of us are just dying together. That is an uncomfortable truth. Do you spend your days arguing about who is going to make the bed or take out the garbage? Try making the bed together while talking about how great it will be to snuggle together in it later. When you take out the garbage, ponder how amazing it is that you can afford all the the things that generate this refuse and send a feeling of gratitude that there is someone who takes care of that garbage for you.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Yeah right. Happy making the bed and taking out the garbage?” It might sound far fetched, but stop and think for a minute. How happy would you be to make your own bed after being homeless? Can you even imagine being homeless? How about having to dig a pit and bury your refuse in your back yard. How long would you like to do that? Here is the million dollar secret in case you have missed it. Why should you even put fourth effort to find the joy and magic in these ordinary tasks? Simple. You do them every damn day. The difference between feeling like you are being dragged to do something you do not want to do verses something that you get to do and finding the joy in it, can transform the way your life feels on a daily basis!

One of the areas that I have found can be mined for joy and drawing closer to your partner is the grocery store. Watching what hot sauce they pick out and enjoy so you can surprise them with it at a later date. Talking about what kind of meals you would like to make together, or maybe picking out a new food to try together. That can be fun! That is not to say that every trip to the grocery store will be a magical experience. Margie and I have distinctively different shopping techniques and when we are tired and overworked this can lead to not so magical moments. It is then that having the experience of how to make it magical is more important than ever.

Here is the added bonus. When you learn to appreciate all the small moments in life, the big ones become even more magical. Take that view leading to the beach in the lower right corner. Truly a beautiful sight. Taking the time to hold my lady’s hand and experience it together, that made it more magical. The pigs in the upper left corner? We swam with them in the ocean and then fed them on shore. Watching my love interact with them and sharing our adventures with each other gave us memories for years to come. These are not things that happen overnight. Working on communication and relating to each other allowed us to better appreciate the moment together. That made the trip, and our time together on it, even more magical.

These two events play off of each other. What we learn in discovering the magic of daily life helps us to better appreciate our exciting time away. We also take lessons we learn on vacation home with us. When something doesn’t quite turn out like we thought (say our relaxing sunset cruise turns into an adventure straight out of Deadliest catch) we usually recoup back at our hotel room and say, “At least I get to be here with you.” That lesson holds true when we are spending an evening at home. A blizzard may have shut down the city and maybe the furnace is out. Still I will look out from under the blanket we are huddled together under and say, “At least I get to be here with you.”

TURN YOUR HOUSE INTO A TREE HOUSE 🏡

Do you remember having a tree house as a kid? I was never fortunate enough to have one of my own, but I did have a few friends who had some. They were often simple affairs. If we didn’t have access to tree houses, we built little forts. Often deep in a park or woods away from adults who could correct all the terribly unsafe things we were doing. When we didn’t have access to, or it was just too cold to venture out to a park, we made forts inside the house. Again, simple affairs that were added on to as long as they continued to exist. They sure could be exciting!

On the way to write today, for some reason those memories popped in my head. Ever one to mine ways in which we can capture some of that seemingly long-lost passion and zeal for life, I pondered what made them so exciting. I recall my friend Jeremy’s ‘tree house’. It wasn’t actually in a tree. His father built it in their huge garage. It still was a little hideaway where we could hold court. I remember putting up posters of bands we liked. Probably a few of girls we liked as well. Hey, we were young teenage boys. When we got a radio we searched to put it in just the right place where it would blast the most sound. We even set an alarm that would alert us when an adult might be approaching. Not that I recall doing anything too outlandish in that abode.

Blanket forts, though not as elaborate, were equally exciting. Just the fact that they were separate. It was our domain. We could arrange them as we see fit. We could picture ourselves anywhere. Even then, this helped me on a cold Wisconsin winter. We could escape to a corner of the fort that was set aside as a time machine and could travel anywhere we wanted. We could decorate it anyway we thought looked cool. When that no longer suited us, we could tear it down and start all over again.

Where is all of this going? Am I going to tell you to go home and build a fort with blankets? Well….that is not entirely a bad idea. If that is not to your liking, there is something that we can take away from all of this that will help us regain some of that youthful enthusiasm for life.

When we were discussing the treehouses and forts, we mentioned all of the things kids do to make them ‘cool’. I mentioned putting up pictures of bands and things that made us excited to be alive. Well, who says the pictures in your house have to be limited to family and flowers? Put up a picture, or some other work of art, that speaks to your spirit. Every time you pass it, you will get that little jolt of excitement. Can you imagine how that might impact your life? How about finding the radio that I mentioned? We put in our earbuds when we are struggling to breathe on the treadmill, but there is something to be said about turning up some tunes and rocking out in your living room. Added bonus if it is a song you liked from your youth.

As far as alarms to let you know someone is coming, we have those too. Some of us have ring cameras we can check on our phones even while we are miles away. Most of us at least have a deadbolt. Not the most exciting, but if we picture that kid in the treehouse every time we turn the lock, it can seem just that little bit more exciting. It is this very change in perception that can help us recapture some of our passion for life. Our houses are our adult treehouses. Remember the place for a time machine I mentioned? Well, do you have a place you set aside to relax or meditate? If not, could you have one? You could close your eyes and pretend you are somewhere else. This could come in really handy after a tough work day.

The sad truth is that our appreciation for the simple things in life tends to fade as we grow older. Hiding in a blanket fort with those we love seems less exciting and we are waiting for a tropical vacation. Please do not misunderstand me. I am all for a tropical vacation. What many of us fail to realize is that by developing our appreciation for the small things, it only increases our gratitude for the seemingly big things. That is a thought we will continue tomorrow.

CAN YOU SPARE A MINUTE? NOT REALLY.

Last post we discussed the ever approaching and uncertainty of death. Not a really chipper subject, but one that should give us a sense of urgency to enjoy life now. That is what I would like to discuss with you today. How many of us put off enjoyment? The ever present “I will be happy when ___” way of thinking. What if we never make it to when? Again, not a very cheery thought, but one that deserves consideration. We may never get a shot at this merry-go-round of life.

Here is a great example – vacation! When we are on vacation, like my lovely lady and I were in the picture above, we are sure to make the most of it. “We might never get back here again. Let us enjoy it.” We say to each other. The truth is that the same might be said of any moment of your life. Our favorite restaurant that has been there forever may close unexpectedly tomorrow. The beautiful park we enjoy walking through may be turned into condos any day now. Our friends may move away and our loved ones may pass away. All of these moments are possible and at some point will happen.

This is all beginning to sound a little doom and gloomy. The question all of this begs us to ask ourselves is, “How are you spending this minute?” Tony Robbins has a great line, “What is wrong is always available. So it what’s right.” What are you focused on? Are you focused on how much of a hurry you are in and how inconvenient the long line at the grocery store is? You could be focused on how grateful you are that you do not have to hunt for your food or farm for it. Not only would that take a great deal longer, but success is not guaranteed. Either path is certainly justified and understandable. The fact remains one of them leads to a more enjoyable life. We should work to enjoy as many moments in life as we can. We might as well. We will never get them back again.

We all know people who are angry most of the time. Why? Do they know how good they have it? Yes, I am sure their lives could be better. Yes, we all have legitimate challenges and reasons to be disenfranchised. Still, we all have reasons to be grateful and full of joy and love. All we have to do is look around us and see those that are less fortunate and could use our help. Oh wait, we are getting into tomorrow’s post again,

IT IS LATER THAN YOU THINK 🤔

This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.

This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.

This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.

We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.

Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?

Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.

Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.

A GOOD MOOD CAN BE TOUGH

In today’s world, staying in a good mood can be a struggle. On top of all of our daily stress, we have plenty of sources in media, and social media, bringing us the world’s stress. Just keeping our head above water can be a challenge.

Fortunately for us, there are a few steps listed above that can help us reduce our stress and increase our joy. If you need more, check out my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Available on Amazon.

5 simple steps. Sunlight, exercise, good food, gratitude and sleep. If you can develop habits to work these 5 items into your life, your stress will reduce and life will be so much more enjoyable.

WHAT DID YOU FEEL?

What did you feel when you read the quote on this picture? Did it make you smile? It was just a simple greeting, but it warms the heart. Can you imagine how others would feel if you sent them a message like this?

In a world filled with divisive messages and fear and hate, why not send more messages like this? Each one is a little do of positivity. It might be just what someone needs to brighten their day. I encourage you to send out several cheerful greetings daily. See how people respond.

ARE YOU REALLY GRATEFUL?

This post is not at all what I thought it will be. Honestly, an example of what we will discuss here happened to me this evening! I’m getting ahead of myself. Have you ever stopped and thought about everything you have to be grateful for? Take one event that you enjoy and really break it down. I did this with the Wisconsin State Fair. My favorite event to attend all year.

When I started to think about it, there are thousands of people that contribute to putting on this event. There are of course the people who run the fair, including its new CEO, Shari Black. There are the owners of the stands that sell everything from food to inflatable hammocks. There are the employees that work those stands. There are the people who maintain the grounds. They recently repaved a good portion of the park. I will not get into all of the people in the paving industry, but you see where this is going. Let us not forget the VERY important people who keep the restrooms clean.

This was the general scope of this blog post until about 730 this evening. Then this happened – the heavens opened up and the rain fell. The crowds scrambled. The main act was canceled. This, you would assume would ruin one’s time at the fair. Not so. There was a million things to be thankful for.

Earlier in the day, one of our favorite grocery stores gave away free ponchos. My mother and I availed ourselves to them. This was at noon. 7 hours before the rain. As we walked through the fair and on the way home, we talked about how lucky we were. First the ponchos. Then the fact we enjoyed the whole day at the fair before this happened. We were able to purchase food to take home on the way out. Everyone seemed in a silly mood even though they were soaked.

You see, in any event they are a million things to be grateful for. Think of going to work. People paved roads for you. There are traffic lights to make sure the trip is safe. You either have a car or public transportation. Think of all the people involved in these industries. You have a restroom at work… with running water.

These things may not seem like a big deal. Take any one of them away and you will see that they are. Remember, whether a morning commute or a rainy night at the fair, there is always so much to be grateful for!

WHAT REALLY MAKES A HAPPY MEMORY 😊

Above is a breakfast sandwich I enjoyed the other morning at my favorite place, The Wisconsin State Fair. It was delicious. Last year, my mother, Margie and I discovered it the first day we went. Shortly after that, I proposed to her. In reflection, we all recall the sandwich being quite delicious.

With that in mind, I was excited to bite into this one with the hollandaise sauce,ham, and cheese all in a delicious croissant. While it did satisfy my taste buds, it fell short of the year prior. No fault of the establishment. The ingredients were just as delicious.

What was missing? It was the company, the excitement of the day. Here I sat, all alone, trying to recreate that. Margie was baking and my mother was getting ready to help someone else.

What I learned was that it is the people and what you do with them is what makes memories and makes moments special. It not only adds flavor to a lonely breakfast sandwich, but it adds flavor to life as well. If you want to fill your life with happy memories, fill it with special people and loving times.

GRATITUDE NOT RESENTMENT 😊

How many of us could benefit from taking this attitude not only into the gym, but into life. People complain about a wide variety of things. I am guilty of this myself far too often. As we can see in this quote, a change in perception can make a big change in how we feel. While we are complaining about soreness in our joints, there are others who do not have the ability to even use theirs.

This shift in attitude can transcend more than just our bodies. Our environment is another example. Perhaps our house has many issues that require our attention. It can be frustrating. If we were to instead focus on how grateful we are that we are not one of the countless homeless that will give anything just to have a place to lay their heads, it may make those repairs a little less frustrating. How about our job? Statistics say that 87% of Americans do not like their jobs. I would say over 90% of those people tell others they do not like their job. What would happen if they lost it? Do you think they would feel a sense of relief that they are not out of that occupation? My guess is no.

This is not rocket science. When we begin to focus on being grateful for what we have, instead of frustrated for what we do not, we begin to realize how much we have. Not only that, life is far more likely to give us even more to be grateful for. If you are about to dismiss this as some sort of new-age nonsense, let me give you an example. Let us say you were given some candy and you decided to share it with your friends. One friend in particular was very appreciative and grateful for the fact you shared the candy. Who would you be most likely to share with in the future? When you are grateful in a retail setting for the service you receive, do you think the service you get next time will be more likely to be better or worse? Anyone who has worked in retail, or with the public in general can tell you how rare genuine appreciation and gratitude from a customer can be.

If you spend your life resenting all that life has not given you, life will be one unhappy place. If, on the other hand, you spend life being grateful for what you have while working for something better, life will seem magical. You will feel lucky and blessed. Which would you rather feel? It is as simple as changing the way you look at life and feeling grateful.

WHERE IS YOUR HAPPY PLACE?

This statement could not be more accurate when it comes to me and my life. Sadly, I live where this is not a common occurrence. What that pushes me to do is develop other happy places. Why is this important, not only for this author but for you as well? Happy places are not only a perk to have in life, I feel they are a necessity! In a world where negativity and stress can quickly cause us to live in a state of overwhelm, having a place we can escape to is vital! My favorite happy place is a quite beach in a lovely tropical location. Two years ago Margie and I experienced this in the Bahamas. We met lovely people, had amazing food and enjoyed each other. Financially, doing this more often could pose a little bit of a challange.

 

What to do when your happy place is both thousands of miles, and thousands of dollars, away? Simple, develop more happy places. Who says you can only have one? Yes, I really look forward to Margie and my next trip to paradise, but in the meantime, there are lots of other places that make me happy. Going for coffee with my mother is always a lot of fun. Especially after a nice walk in nature. Conversation with my friend Nick is always insightful. Creating new content with my friend Jason is amazing. Going to the gym after a good night’s sleep and relieving stress is amazing as well.

As you can see, there are certain coffee shops, parks and other places that are happy places. One of the fun things to do in life is creating this list. By creating, I mean write the places down. It is easy to forget, especially in times of stress. Have you ever been going out to eat and can’t think of all the places you have been eager to try? Yeah, kind of like that. Plus, having a list of places that make you happy can be a fun reference. Looking at your list and saying to yourself, “I haven’t been there in a while.” can be fun. Not to mention, planning visits to these places, or with these people, can give you something to look forward to. This will make getting through the day that much easier.

How about you? What are your happy places? Do you have several? Some that are close and easily accessible? Have you written a list down of them? Here is something to remember when creating your list of happy places. They don’t have to be ‘places’ at all. Sometimes a happy place can be in the arms of the person you love. It can be time spent with a certain friend that always lifts your spirits. Then, it is not the physical place that matters so much as the company. Create your list of happy places now, and start visiting them often.