Tag: growth

SOMETIMES THE BEST GIFT AND RESOLUTION IS SIMPLY MORE!

I cannot assume you had the chance to read my post on the one Christmas gift I wanted, so allow me to explain the title of this post. No, it is not a recommendation to be extremely materialistic. During Christmas, people asked me what I would like for a gift. Living in a state of gratitude as much as possible, I could not think of anything that would make my life more incredible. I have a gorgeous woman who loves me (see photo above), amazing friends that add greatly to my life, and experiences that bless me in ways I cannot often imagine. Walks in nature and coffee with my mother and friend Nick, fun and laughter with friends, and of course all of the amazing loving moments with my lady.

When thinking about all of the blessings I have, the only thing I could think that I would want, was more of the same. When pondering resolutions for the new year, the same thought came into mind. That thought was simply more. I enjoy making my lady feel special and loved, because she is both. In the coming year I will do that more. My passion is helping people see the greatness inside them and the world around them. This year I am going to work on doing that more. Sharing special moments of love and laughter with family and friends will be done more often.

How can I manage to do more of all these things? It will definitely take more energy. It will take more knowledge as well. How can I gain more energy and more knowledge? By working on becoming a better version of myself. Eating better, working out more consistently and listening and learning more. There is so much material at our fingertips, we can often overlook some of the easiest ways to improve. Eduardo, one of our self-improvement family from Italy recommended a great book on how to improve communication in a relationship. Not only were there great tools and strategies in this book, but it reminded me that there is always so much to learn. Pick any subject and spend an afternoon on Google and YouTube exploring that topic. You will be amazed at what you will learn. Do that for a week and you will walk away an entirely different person.

It is exciting that you can Google, “How can I be a better author?” for example. There will be many ideas for you to explore. Type the same question into YouTube and there will be videos addressing the same subject. Think of the possibilities! You can do this with how to be a better husband/wife, how to be more romantic, how to be a better listener, how to be a better friend and a million other questions. For once, we could use technology in a constructive manner to serve us instead of the other way around. Some of the information we will discover may not be a fit for us, but if you were to spend an hour, five days a week invested in learning on these or any other subject, think of how much further along you would be! That would be over 6 working weeks of time spent on self-improvement! You would only need to do it an hour a day and you could even take weekends off! Do you see how easy it could be to get ahead?

The best way to add ‘more’ to every area of your life and to make each area better is to work on the common denominator in all of those situations. That common denominator is YOU! By becoming the best version of yourself, you positively affect every area of your life. It is as easy as consuming content that is already out there. It does not cost you anything but a small fraction of your time. This should excite all of us in the year to come! I look forward to bringing you more, and better, content in the year to come as I work on improving myself. What areas of your life are you looking forward to learning more about?

WHY “YOU’VE CHANGED” CAN BE A GREAT THING TO HEAR

Has anyone ever told you, “You have changed.” Usually, it is not a good thing. They are attempting to bring to our attention that a behavior or attitude that we used to have is changed. That makes most people uncomfortable. This holds true if our new behavior or mindset is contrary to the one they knew us to have. Perhaps you used to be the life of the party. You could drink a few beers, slam a few shots and would just take the next day off of work. Now, you drink water, are focused on your fitness and show up to work on time. If the person hung around with you before, it might make them uncomfortable to deal with the change. This is even more true if they have stayed the same.

Many people fear being left behind by friends who evolve. In some cases this fear is legitimate. If you are looking to change a behavior, it is quite helpful to no longer associate with individuals who engage in that behavior you are looking to leave behind. If you were formally close to that individual, it can be a little painful for that to happen. If you are the person worrying about being left behind, it can not only be painful, but scary as well. That is why they will tell you that you have changed with an attitude of making you feel as though you are not being authentic to yourself. Part of this is them transferring their fear and disappointment in their own progress on you.

A greater reason for people using the phrase, “You’ve changed.” is our inability to communicate our feelings. There really should be a class taught to us when we are young on how to properly say the often difficult things that we feel. Just yesterday I heard it said that “They tell you that you have changed because they do not know how to say you have grown.” That is something we must understand, growth takes change. If we stay the same we can stay stagnate. The picture above captures it beautifully. To become a butterfly, we cannot remain a caterpillar. Growth can be painful and many may accuse us of changing who we are, but just remember that is because they do not know how to tell us that we have grown.

THE PAIN CAN BE A BLESSING

The last couple of posts we have been discussing being the light in the darkness and appreciating the present with love and gratitude. One of the challenges of this is when we are focused on our own self-improvement, it can come with a lot of growing pains. What we must do is realize that these growing pains are a blessing. Remember we cannot have growing pains without…well…growth!

Think of when you are working your hardest to overcome a negative habit. It can be so deflating at times. You promise yourself, and maybe even those closest to you, that you are going to the gym regularly. Before you know it, a week has passed and you find yourself “too busy” to focus on your health. Maybe it is your diet that you are working on fixing. As you are enjoying your second free doughnut in the breakroom, you are so upset with yourself. You could even mutter, “It is no use. I will never be able to beat these cravings.”

What many of us fail to realize is that these moments of disappointment in ourselves are signs that we are getting better. The fact that our perceived ‘failures’ are making us doubt ourselves, are signs that our goal has become more important to us. Celebrate the fact that you are feeling more pain at straying from your goal. Then, go on to use that disappointment in yourself as fuel to better your life. Next time you say no to the doughnuts in the breakroom, or go to the gym when you say you are going to, celebrate yourself. acknowledge that you have taken a step towards becoming a better you. Next time you drop the ball and disappoint yourself, remember the fact that you are experiencing growing pains is a blessing. You are growing and it is not always easy, but you are taking a step in the right direction.

KEEP WATERING YOURSELF 💧

How many of these amazing things do you make it a point to put into your life? The more of them we add, it is like watering a plant. The more we are likely to grow! In each of these items, there are also many options. Take ‘kind words’ for example. You could write affirmations for yourself. You could listen to an encouraging meditation or you could read secret2anamazinglife.com!

Out of these ways to water yourself, which is your favorite? Use as many as you can. The more you use, the more you will grow. You deserve it and you are worth it!

PLANTED 🥦 OR BURIED ⚰️?

Here are some acorns. These things are everywhere right now. My mom and I went for a 3 mile hike the other day and almost the whole trail was covered in them. They are fun and add a little extra natural beauty, but you can easily twist an ankle if you are not careful stepping on one. A thought occurred to me as we were walking along the trail. The little acorns we were stepping on, came from the mighty oak trees that we were walking under. Inside everyone one of these little acorns, was a large oak tree that could grow to drop hundreds of more acorns of its own.

I thought about the fact that each one of those acorns could grow into a tree, and there were thousands on the ground. I began to think of what has to occur to turn the acorn into the oak. What came to me was far more than a nature lesson, so please stick with me. In order for the acorn to sprout, or for any seed to do so, it has to be buried in the ground. It must be covered with dirt and water, often for months. If that acorn is never buried, it will never grow into the oak.

This reminded me so much of us as people. Inside every one of us is something waiting to sprout and grow. It may not be as big of a transformation as the acorn to the oak. Then again, it may be even bigger. When life throws a little dirt on us, we have to make a decision. Are we being buried or are we being planted? What is the difference? When you are planted, you are using that dirt as fertilizer. You are stealing the nutrients to help you grow and develop. When you are buried, you are just laying there decaying. Becoming part of the soil, if you want to stick with this analogy. What makes the difference? Our decision. Which one we will decide it will be.

The same holds true with us. When life throws a little dirt on us, we lose a job or a relationship. Maybe the loan we were counting on getting doesn’t come through. Whatever the challenge is, life is throwing a little dirt on us. We could lay there and stay buried, or we could use that dirt. Maybe develop our skills so we can get a better job, or one in our chosen field. We can work on improving our relationship skills so that we will be a better spouse. Perhaps we will be more selective and find someone better aligned with our values? When life throws some dirt on us, we should ask ourselves, am I going to be buried or am I going to be planted?

What if it seems that life has been throwing dirt on us for years and we are not growing one bit? What if we have spent years toiling away, seemingly underground, for little or no result? For that, I will leave you with this little info about the growth cycle of bamboo. Just something to ponder. Don’t give up. Never give up!

EVOLVE ANYWAY 🧬

This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.

Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.

The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.

In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.

ARE YOU SORRY, OR ARE YOU SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT?

Here is a situation that many of us find ourselves in. Someone does wrong by us. They then say they are sorry. Whether that was saying something hurtful, not fulfilling a promise to us that they had or a host of other things. We have also been the one apologizing. Here is a good question to ask, “Are you sorry, or are you sorry you got caught?” What do I mean be this? Let us take a look.

Apologizing is a necessary and important first step. It is not an entire step. Let us take a really simple analogy. If I were to kick you in the shin because I am mad at you, that would be a very bad thing. I apologize, as I should. Does your leg feel any better at this point? Probably not. If I were truly sorry for your actions, I would want to do something to help. Maybe I would get you some ice to put on your leg, or some pain pills? I could help you lay down and put your leg up to rest. I would also have to develop a plan as to what to do in the future with my anger, so we do not find ourselves in the same situation. This is good conflict resolution. Apologize for the wrong. Take what immediate action you can to help repair and correct the wrong. Finally, develop a plan so that in the future you will not have the same situation come up.

We all know some people who seem to be forever apologizing. What is worse, they seem to be doing so for the same reasons. If you apologize for something, and then continue to do that very thing, are you really sorry? You might be, just not for why you think you are. You are not sorry for the thing you did, you are sorry you got caught. If you were truly sorry for your actions, you would do your best to correct them and improve them. That is not to say you would not make another mistake, just not the same mistake. Growing and evolving includes making new mistakes. We are human after all. If, however, you are continuing to make the same mistakes, you are not growing and evolving.

Pay attention not only to the people in your life, but to yourself as well. Are you following the formula for conflict resolution, or are you just saying you are sorry and hoping that fixes everything? A good rule to follow is to not just say you are sorry, but to show that you are sorry. We do so but taking actions to correct the wrong we have done and to put in place plans that will stop us from doing that same wrong in the future. That is how we grow and evolve.

YOU’RE READING THAT BOOK… AGAIN?! 📚

I ran into my friend Linda at my day job today. For those of you who may not have read the post about Linda that we shared some time ago, she is a wonderful lady that stops in the Post Office I work in. Linda lost her grandson a while back and we shared some thoughts and tears on that subject. She has not only become a great supporter of my writing, but a muse of sorts as well. She is one of those friends that every time I talk to them, I leave with many more ideas to write about and share with you.

On this particular morning, we were talking about books we enjoyed. I don’t even recall how we got on the subject, if I am being honest. The interesting thing we discovered we have in common, was that we both reread books. My favorite book is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. My best guest would be that I have read it seven times. Why on earth would I do that? Do I just have that bad of a memory? No. The reason why I read that book so many times is simple. I am a different person who is reading it. Before you think that I am referring to the multiple voices who take up residence in my head, let me explain. As we go through life we are shaped by many different life experiences. Hopefully, we use them to grow and we are ever evolving. If you are reading a blog like this one, I venture to say that is probably the case for you. Therefore, when you pick up a book a year from now, the person who opens the cover will be different than the one who did so last time you read it. In fact, the hand that turns the last page will belong to a different person than the one who turned the first page.

In life there are many circumstances that deserve revisiting. Whether that is a book, a skill you are trying to develop or a course you wish to take. You are a different person than you were last time you did any of those things. You are a person who has grown, evolved and experienced many different things in life. Even reading the same book, you will appreciate it in a new way and get something new out of it. What things could you revisit that you might learn even more from now than the last time?

MAYBE YESTERDAY, BUT NOT TODAY!!

True growth

One of the ways to grow that we may overlook is discovering ways to overcome our feelings of upset. Whether that is continuing to be sad over the loses of yesterday or anger over some infraction we were victims of.

This is easier said than done, but the fact that we can see ourselves continuing to suffer the ills of the day before is a sign we have an opportunity for continued growth. This week, let us look for continuing growth opportunities by discovering any ills we continue to be plagued by.

Please share your tips for overcoming negative emotions that continue to haunt you and prevent you to grow.

TURNING DEFEAT INTO SUCCESS

These next few posts are going to be a collection of lessons that I have learned from coworkers. Three different people, three different post offices. We begin in the sunny town of Franksville where I used to be postmaster. I was discussing self-improvement and introspective topics with the person who works there. We often have brief but intense discussions on some of our favorite people who inspire us.

On this particular day, the young lady mentioned she had been having some stressful days where she was feeling down. She was concerned that in her journey she might be taking a step back. I think any of us on a path to improving our lives and ourselves, have felt something similar. One of the most common questions I am asked at book signings, seminars and just by people I interact with is “Do you ever have a bad day?” “Are there days you are not in a good mood?” My answer is simple, of course I do. Everyone has days in their life where things just seem to go south when you would like them to go north. I actually had my day start that way today.

Does this mean we are not being successful in our self-improvement journey? Does this mean we are somehow doing it wrong? Are the amount of days we feel down indicative to our progress in life? Not at all! As the movie Forest Gump made light of, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you might get.” There are many situations that are beyond our control. Some moments it would appear we are having a run of ‘good luck’ where other times it would seem ‘the deck is stacked against us’. I am here to tell you that kind of thinking is a bunch of BS! (Belief systems).

Our success is not in eliminating every single challenge in life. We will all have days or more to the point, moments when life gets the best of us. The true test of our character is in shortening both the intensity and duration of those experiences. In fact, we grow most in times of pain and challenge. We learn the most about ourselves, those we care about and the world around us when times see the darkest. It is in putting these situations to work for us that we can take an experience that is a negative and turn it into a positive. Like finding a big hole in the ground and turning it into a mind in which we pull diamonds out of. These diamonds are better than jewels though. They can be diamonds of physical, mental and emotional strength we never knew we had. It can be the jewel of gratitude for those who help us when we are down.

How can we turn all of these negative situations in positive ones? I am going to give you a quick tool to start using by the end of our time together here today. Here it is – ask two simple questions. It would be a good idea to write these two questions down so when times get tough you don’t have to search for them on top of everything else. The first one we kind of alluded to earlier. How can I use this? Can I use it to be better prepared for a similar event in the future? Can I use it to develop a skill that I do not have at this moment in time? Can I use it to stoke the fires of motivation I have to succeed in the future?

The second question we should ask ourselves when things are bad is What is good about this? If you ask this question second it usually works a lot better. Once you found how to put your grief/pain/anger/sadness or whatever other challenging emotion to work for you, it can be a lot easier to find something positive in it. Perhaps you are experiencing the pain of regret over not spending enough time with a love one you lost. You can put that pain to work to motivate you to cherish and give 100% to those you love who are still here. The ‘positive’ that could come out of that pain is to remind you to express your feelings and take time for those who are in your life presently. I am sure you could think of examples in your own life as well.

To wrap up what turned out to be a longer post than I expected, let us remember the true measure of success. It is not to eliminate all stress and never have a bad day. We would never really grow then. It is finding ways to shorten the duration of time we spend in that negative state. We can do it by asking the two questions in the order we demonstrated above. When we go through pain and struggle we gain valuable tools that will allow us to better contribute to and serve others around us and the world at large. Next time you find yourself having a day where you are feeling down, remember that does not mean you are failing. What it does mean, is you have an opportunity to grow and develop tools you would otherwise not have.