Last post we discussed the importance of having ways to cheer yourself up. I would still love to hear any ideas you have for that. One of our readers (lbeth1950) mentioned she loves to call her best friend.
This reminded me how important it is to both have and be someone who brings joy into life. Do you have one of those friends you just feel better after spending time with? Are you one of those friends for someone else? It is vital we keep a group of people around us who brighten our spirits.
It is also important to have friends in all avenues. What I mean is to have friends you can call, friends you can message online, but most importantly, one’s you can physically connect with. Sometimes these friends will change avenues. My friend Curtis I enjoyed having coffee with and solving the world’s problems. He, and his wonderful family, moved to Las Vegas. Now it is more of an online friendship.
The point being, if you have a great friend, keep them even if you have to make some adjustments. One of the best ways to assure you have a group of amazing friends is to be one! Make sure whenever you have an opportunity to bring joy to the life of another you take it!
Those of you who follow this blog for any amount of time are aware of the affinity I have for the location of Krautland. It is located inside of the Wisconsin State Fair Park, which is one of my favorite places to be.In addition to this, I have been visiting there a very long time. If you would like to learn more of that story, check out the story I did on Krautland for Chow Down in Milwaukee or click the link at the end of this post to read a previous story I have shared about this amazing place.
Today is less about the amazing food and service you will receive at Krautland and more about the owners, Ron and Karla. This year they are celebrating 20 years of owning and running this stand. There are many folks, like myself, who are indebted to these two wonderful souls for doing such an amazing job. When they took the business over from the previous owner, there were concerns as to how the business would continue. Not only were those concerns completely unfounded, but under their guidance, business has only improved!
A new generation is working on continuing this amazing legacy and doing wonderfully. Still, we take a second to recognize what a great job Ron and Karla have done in the last two decades. They have faced so many challenges and continued to rise above them. It does Margie and I good to see two people we respect and admire so much doing so well. If you see friends in your life achieving success, make sure to celebrate with them! Speaking of celebrating, enjoy this picture of the delicious treats Margie made to mark two decades of stewardship Ron and Karla have given Krautland.
This is a new quote to me, but what a great thought. If you never push yourself, you may never see what is holding you back. Not exactly sure what the percentage is, but I would wager the situations in which you, and your thoughts, are your strongest chains is above 90%. There are many times that I am looking to do something I have never done before and the reasons are often clouded over in my mind. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who will help improve your life, as we noted last post.
In my life, there have been many examples of chains that I have let hold me back. We all have them. What often surprises me is how often these chains exist in my own mind and manifest themselves as something else. I consider myself a fairly introspective individual, but we all tell ourselves little white lies to stay in our comfort zones. This is what our brains are hard-wired to do. Your mind does not want you to risk doing something that would be uncomfortable, even if it would further your life. We may believe the obstacle is outside of us, when it is really our beliefs that are keeping us from moving forward.
Let me give you 2 quick examples in my own life. I was preparing to do my first ever book signing. I was nervous as it was my first book, not to mention first book signing. It was in the sunny village of Greendale. I was going to put up flyers in some of the shops to promote it. I figured there were 2 or 3 businesses that would let me do that. With me I had this attractive lady I just started dating. She informed me that we were not going to the shops that I was sure would let me put up the signs, but we were going to ask in all of them. Informing her that is not how this small village worked, she informed me that I was just being too nervous to do so. She even promised to go in and ask for me to prove that more places would hang up one of my signs than I expected. Little did I know at the time this would consist of her getting the attention of an employee, shoving me forward and exclaiming, “This man has something to ask you.” As it turned out, all but 2 of the businesses, whom I should note are no longer in business, agreed to put one of my flyers in their windows. Proving it was my fear and not the businesses that prevented the promotion.
Another example is when I was going to start my podcast (Living the Dream with Neil Panosian) which you can find on all of your streaming platforms. Every time that I had coffee with my good friend Nick, I would tell him how I was going to start this podcast. He informed me that I had been telling him this for six months. I explained how I did not have the equipment, know exactly how to go about starting one or promote one. He countered that one is able to learn all of these things on this wonderful thing we have called the internet. Great things about friends, they call you on your B.S. when you are full of it, as Michael Franti says. Again, an assist to Margie who reminded me how right Nick was.
In our lives, it is often when we push outside our comfort zones that we realize there are chains holding us back. It can take some introspection to discover what they truly are. It may also take some hard truth from a close friend. We must keep our minds open and be honest with ourselves if we hope to free ourselves from our chains. What are some of your chains holding you back and how can you free yourself from them?
It never fails to surprise me how many people understand how important it is for a child to be surrounded by positive, nurturing people, but fail to see that it is equally important for adults as well. As we continue to make our way through this journey called ‘life’, stresses continue to mount and our responsibilities continue to grow. It seems more challenging to make friends as adults. That is why it is so critical that we surround ourselves with a healthy circle of quality people.
As adults, we also need to learn the skill of leaning on our village of friends. Asking for help is viewed by many as a weakness. It is no more of a weakness to ask help from a friend in dealing with a stressful situation than it is to ask a mechanic for help with an automotive issue. It is equally important to be a village for others who may be struggling too. Be a good fried. Listen to hear and understand, not just reply. One of the best things to do is to get together regularly with friends to share and enjoy each other’s company. The world does get busy, but this is one activity we cannot go without.
Start building your village today. Already have one? Remember to spend a little more quality time in it. Share moments with friends. Be that village for someone else as well. Schedule regular days of fun with friends. It will save your sanity and just might save your life.
One of our greatest powers as human beings is the power to connect with others. There are so many people that come to mind when I say this. My friend Nick and I could talk, with interest, for hours. My friend Curtis, whom I miss since he moved away, always gave me great ideas. Of course my beautiful lady, Margie, fills me with joy as we connect on so many different levels. Each one of these people, along with so many others I could name, bring something unique and special into my life.
If you think about the people you connect with in your life, I am sure each one of them brings something unique and special. Some people spark ideas. Some of them offer encouragement. There are people that challenge you and hold you accountable to your standards. There are those wonderful souls that just fill your heart with joy by being in their presence. Every soul that we interact with is a gift. Even those who may be an arduous task to connect with, give our character strength. They may also help us practice patience and restraint.
Today, let us take a moment to think of all the ways connections benefit us and give thanks for all of the wonderful people that share life with us. In my upcoming fourth book, I have received feedback from many of the friends that I value and look forward to sharing that with you. The connection they share with me has only made my life better. They say when two people connect, a third is born. Meaning a connection, ideas and actions that neither person would come up with on their own. Connections bless our world more than we know. That us take a moment to be grateful for them today.
I had the pleasure of taking my beautiful lady out to lunch the other day and she inspired an interesting thought I would like to share with you. Right now, she is on a health and fitness journey. She has really been working hard changing her diet and making physical fitness a regular part of her life. Recently, her gym had her fill out a goal sheet for her immediate future. We were discussing what she wrote down, when she paused, took a deep breath, sighed and confessed, “I just do not want to be the least fit person in a group of people anymore.”
I admired her bravery and really getting in touch with her ‘why’. This, I am sure, will allow her to reach the goals she has set for herself. It reminded me of a joke. “If you want to look thinner, hang around people who are less thin than you.” Although this joke is old, and quite dated as you can see, it made me think how many of us do this. We tend to surround ourselves with people who are in our comfort zone. This is good for keeping the stress level low, but does not really push us to grow to a better version of ourselves, and can even stunt the growth when we do attempt it.
When you start to work on improving yourself, I notice there are people who get intimidated. There are many reasons for why this might be. If you suddenly go back to school, or start studying a certain subject you may hear things such as “Oh, trying to show off now?” If your friends like to binge watch Netflicks and eat pizza everyday and you start getting in shape, they may either tell you that you are spending too much time and the gym, or even make you feel guilty for being so. I think they do this because your improvement makes them uncomfortable about their own lack of improvement. There are also those who worry that if you improve too much, you might end up leaving them behind. This leaves them two choices. They can either level up their life, or try to pull you back to level down yours. I don’t have to tell you which choice most people make, even if it is subconsciously.
It is like the boiling crabs in a bucket story. If one crab is about to escape, the others pull them back in. does it help them? No. It certainly does not help our friendly crustation who almost had their freedom. Instead, you want to be part of a group that is constantly lifting each other up and helping each other reach new levels. Sometimes you might be the one doing the lifting, sometimes you might be the one being lifted. This includes both the emotional aspect, like in the first picture. As well as physically. Remember our example of getting in shape? As ironic as it sounds, our haters can often be of more help than our friends. If one of them see you slipping on your diet or workout routine, they will not only make sure to let you know about it, but everyone else as well. That is a good motivation to stay on track. It is also a good way to put your haters to work for you. Our well-meaning friends, on the other hand, might be more reassuring. Telling us things like, “It is ok if you just missed one workout.” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself for eating badly today.”
Take some time and think about the people you surround yourself with. Are they helping you become the best version of yourself? This can be supportive or motivating. We need both. Just make sure they are not holding you back from growing into the amazing person you know you can be. Look, self-improvement can occasionally be tough journey. We need all the help we can get. We certainly cannot have anyone making our journey more difficult.
This week, let us do exactly what this picture says. Find one person a day to find something beautiful in, and tell them. Just one person, one thing, once a day. That’s not so hard, is it? What is amazing is the effect you will have.
You can start easy. For me, that would mean telling Margie one of the million things that are beautiful about her. However, I would ask that you pick different people each day. Also, maybe people who wouldn’t quite expect it. In my case, there are several. My friend Julie, it is beautiful how strong she is in her faith. My friend Nick has a beautiful way of being compassionate to others. My friend Nicci is an art teacher and positively affecting young people is beautiful. Her husband, Chris, really cares about the condition of the world and the people in it. That is a difficult, yet beautiful thing. There are so many people, with so much beauty in them, they need to hear it!
How about you? Who are some people in your life that are beautiful? What is beautiful about them? Make sure you tell them! 7days, 7 people! Let’s do this and change some lives!
As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?
This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.
This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.
Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?
Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.
The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.
Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.
The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 