This week, let us do exactly what this picture says. Find one person a day to find something beautiful in, and tell them. Just one person, one thing, once a day. That’s not so hard, is it? What is amazing is the effect you will have.
You can start easy. For me, that would mean telling Margie one of the million things that are beautiful about her. However, I would ask that you pick different people each day. Also, maybe people who wouldn’t quite expect it. In my case, there are several. My friend Julie, it is beautiful how strong she is in her faith. My friend Nick has a beautiful way of being compassionate to others. My friend Nicci is an art teacher and positively affecting young people is beautiful. Her husband, Chris, really cares about the condition of the world and the people in it. That is a difficult, yet beautiful thing. There are so many people, with so much beauty in them, they need to hear it!
How about you? Who are some people in your life that are beautiful? What is beautiful about them? Make sure you tell them! 7days, 7 people! Let’s do this and change some lives!
As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?
This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.
This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.
Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?
Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.
The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.
Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.
The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?
There are many self-improvement aspects that seem like an obvious conclusion to me. One of those is that you tend to be like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Stop and take a mental inventory of the 5 people you spend the most time around. Can you see things you all have in common? The ironic thing is that this is one of the things people really seem to push back on. I am not sure why. If you surround yourself with people who are poor and struggling to manage their money, it is highly unlikely you will learn any financial skills from them. “I am going to be the difference!” I hear people say all of the time. It is true, that you could be the one who changes the group you hang out in. It is rather like swimming up stream, however.
Let us say you are trying to live a life that is more positive and inspired. Your friends, on the other hand, are a rather negative bunch. While you may be reading inspirational books, listening to some inspiring podcasts and whatever else you can think of to change your state, you are going to be surrounded by people who are pointing out what is wrong in the world, telling you about their medical problems, and generally being in a depressed state. That will make it a little more difficult for you to look on the sunny side of the street. Going back to our earlier financial example, if you are looking to get yourself on a good financial footing, but your friends constantly find themselves brook, it could be a long road. Maybe you could read books on investing, talk to a financial advisor and set up an automatic savings deposit. However, your friends will be showing your their purchases from Amazon, ordering out dinner every night, wearing the most expensive brand shoes and clothes and wondering how to pay the electric bill. Which one of them will help assure you of a happy retirement?
I am not telling you that you have to get rid of all of your friends, or even some of your friends. Merely suggesting that if you would like to improve your life and do so in an easier way, you might want to consider who you spend a good deal of time around. Think of people who embody traits you would like to have. Consider those people who you feel could teach, inspire and encourage you on your journey. Then, make a point of taking them out to dinner or for a coffee. Just soak up their energy. While doing so make sure to share yours as well. Be authentically yourself. You will shine your light and attract those who you can serve by just being you. The greatest part about this life-improving lesson is that you have total control over it. Who you choose to spend your time around, for the most part, is up to you. Make sure you make this decision wisely as it has a great impact.
Here is a fun activity that will add some joy to your life! (Just in case you didn’t get that from the title) it will take anywhere from 5 minutes to as long as you care to take. When you are done, you will not only have a bigger smile on your face, you will have a heart filled with gratitude! Did I mention it is fun to do as well?😀
Grab a pen and a piece of paper 📃. Then, take a look at the list above. Write the word listed, one at a time. ‘The inspired’ being the first one. Then sit back, smile, and think of everyone in your life that fits that description. For example, in my life, Margie is very inspired. Always thinking of new ideas. When I need help with a flyer for a book signing, I go to her.
Continue to go through the list. One word at a time. List everyone in your life that fits that description. Take your time. Picture them in your mind’s eye and write their name down. Another example in my own life, under ‘open-minded’ I would put my friend Nick. He is always open to consider new people and their points of view.
Go through each word and come up with as many names as you can. When you are done, you will have a list of people who bring out some great qualities you may need a boost in. You will also have a new-found appreciation for the amazing people in your life!😀
BONUS!!! If you want to take this to the next level, and because you read a blog like this I assume you would, here is a little something you can add. Think of qualities you either would like to grow, or maybe ones you lack. Then, write those words down. It could be patience, inner peace, kindness or any other quality. Then, do what we did here. Write all the names of people in your life that have that quality. You will end up with a list of people you should spend more time with!
DOUBLE BONUS!!! As another way to help develop and surround yourself with the right people and attitudes, apply these same techniques to celebrities. When you discover what celebrities define ‘motivated’ to use an example from the picture above, (that would be Inky Johnson and Dwayne Johnson for me) write their names down. Then you can watch their videos on YouTube, listen to their podcasts or read their books.
I would love to hear some examples from your life of people who fit the descriptions above. Please let me know how this fun activity will help your life. 😀
Two thoughts came to my mind when I read this quote. The first thought was, “Why on earth do we not do this more often?” Sure, when someone comes to you with some bit of good news, we do say “Hey, that’s great. Congratulations.” How often do we really go all out and celebrate? We do not have to wait for the big events either. How fun would it be to have a great time and maybe lunch to celebrate your friend getting a new set of tires on their car? How about offering to take your spouse out for dinner after making it through a tough day at work? I am sure they would love that.
The second thought that came to my mind shortly after the first was “If we did this enough, we would be living in a state of celebration!” No matter who we are, we have enough friends and enough reasons to be celebrating every single day! Your friend just completed their first marathon? Doesn’t matter if you can’t even run to the bathroom, go ahead and celebrate with them. There is also an endless stream of ways to celebrate. You can take them out for lunch or dinner as we already discussed. You can also send a card. Send a fun email. Post something lavish on their social media. Pick up a small token of celebration or even offer to do a small service. I am sure you can think of more and I would love to hear about them!
Today, begin to think about and look for people and things you can celebrate. Not only will you feel good and have fun, but by showing how important others accomplishments are, you will strengthen your relationships. Your friends, coworkers and spouses will feel more important than they have in a while and you will feel good because your actions have made them happy. Everyone wins! Who can you celebrate today?
Let us be clear right from the start, I am not advocating using people in any negative form whatsoever. Quite the opposite. When we are finished with our brief time here together, I think you will have a new appreciation for what ‘using people’ can mean. To illustrate, I would love to share two personal stories of mine with you. The first involves a very early childhood friend. Let us call him Andy because, well, that is what his name was. He was one of my very first good friends. I am thinking somewhere near the age of 3 or 4. I remember he had bright red hair and that we pretty much did everything together. Then, in second grade, he moved away. We never exchanged addresses or phone numbers. To this day, I do not even know what happened to my early childhood friend.
I could blame my lack of thought regarding Andy on the fact that I was only 7 years old. You don’t really think too much about the future when you are that age. That would be fine, except one little problem. Take a look at the picture above. That is a picture of mine and Margie’s friends Curtis and Danie, with their son. They used to run a coffee shop/cafe in town. Both very nice people and I am sure their son will be an outstanding gentleman as he grows up. This wonderful family moved out west to pursue their dreams for their future. Here is the ironic thing. Before they left, Margie and I were saying how much fun it would be to spend some time with them just relaxing and doing fun things. Every time we saw each other, we would say something like, “Yes! Let us set something up!” All of our lives were busy, and sadly, that moment never happened.
Unlike my story with Andy, we at least are able to keep track via social media. In fact, as I wrote this, I messaged Curtis to let him know I was writing something about him. It would seem that I have learned little or nothing in the 40 years since my friend Andy moved away. Before you judge me, ask yourself one question. How many times have you said to yourself, “Man I wish I would have _____ with that person. Now it is too late.” This can hold true of people who moved away or even people who have passed on. We look back and think of how foolish we spent the time that we had with them. That is not to say every second has to be be planned and accounted for. Sometimes, the goal might just to be fully present and focused on enjoying time with someone. Taking time to enjoy their jokes, their voice or the way they look at a certain situation.
I encourage you to think of someone who is important in your life. How can you better use the time with them? Is there a certain activity you wish to do with them? Maybe it is as simple as spending a quiet dinner just slowing down and enjoying each others company? It may seem like work to rearrange a schedule and make things happen. Do you know what is even more work? Living with the weight of regret that you did not make the most of people and moments when you had the chance. I advocate using people. Use them to show love. Use them to show how much you care. Use them to create wonderful memories with. Use them to show your appreciation for the wonderful humans they are. Use people…before it is too late.
Today is Happy Friendship Day (really, feel free to Google it) I suggest we all just celebrate the amazing friends we have. There does not have to be an exchange of gifts, just an exchange of hand shakes, high fives, and hugs! Celebrate new friends! Celebrate old friends! How would you choose to celebrate?
How many of these things could you accomplish today? Refuel your soul. How do you do that? It can be as simple as a walk in nature with someone you love. Time with just a good book and a glass of lemonade. Simply avoiding the harsh news and realities of the world for a day.
Be grateful for your blessings. We have covered this one several times in this site. Gratitude has life transformational qualities. There is always something to be grateful for. A few years ago we did a monthly grateful exercise. We are coming up on a new month, so why not get your practice in today?
Take a deep breath and relax. In our go,go,go world, we have lost the ability to have quality relaxation. I’m guilty of this. With 7 jobs i pursue, there is seldom a moment off. This is why learning how to make those moments quality ones is so important. Plus, researching the best way for you to relax can be fun!
Spend time with family, friends and a good cup of coffee. When you do this, keep the conversation positive. Don’t waste time discussing politics and other topics that can create stress. Spend the time encouraging and lifting each other up. Enjoy the smiles and the love.
This Sunday, recreate and recharge yourself. You deserve it!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 