Tag: Friends

FULFILLMENT ACCORDING TO NICCI 👩‍🎨

Today’s post will feature a deep dive into an answer to a question I posed to several friends and associates. The question was, “What, in your opinion, makes for a truly fulfilling life?” We will take a deeper dive into the answer featured in today’s post. This includes looking at how we can implement their ideas for fulfillment into our own life. This will allow all of us to wake up with a greater sense of inner peace and joy. If these answers inspire you, and you would like to share your own feeling on what makes life fulfilling, feel free to do so in the comments below. You could be featured in a future post or in my next book! Now let us take a look at today’s answer!

Today’s answer comes from a great friend of Margie and myself. Nicci is an art teacher, a dedicated and loving mother to 2 very talented daughters and a great singer. With all that she has on her plate, it is vital for Nicci to be able to know what gives her a sense of life fulfillment. Nicci’s answer was as follows.

A network of genuine friends who inspire, encourage, and support you no matter what makes life worthwhile. I love my people so much and they are the biggest blessing in my life. This of course includes you and Margie.

There are so many things we can gain from looking at Nicci’s answer. It is important to note that she places the word ‘genuine’ in front of friends. In a world that can see our connections limited to superficial ones, especially after Covid, having friends that are genuine and know the real us is priceless. Her definition of genuine friends is also included in her answer. “People who inspire, encourage and support you…” Fair weather friends can be a source of stress and not one of fulfillment. Fostering genuine friendships require a little work and often a willingness to be open and vulnerable. This can, understandably, be scary for some. The reward is a support system that can catch you when you fall in life. It can be those to encourage you when you feel like you can’t go on. They can bring you that source of inspiration when your life is caught in a rut. All of these will lead to a life that is certainly more fulfilling.

How do we establish and grow genuine friendships? Ironically, this is a skill we are actually better at as children than adults. If you look at the quote above, it states true friendship involves being understood and understanding. The first quality is to understand that life is both give and take. To gain a genuine friend is to be one. We must not enter a friendship thinking only what we can gain, but what we can give as well. As mentioned earlier, we must also be open to being vulnerable. This can be scary at first. Sharing our inner most thoughts and feelings. What if this person chooses to use them against us? What if they laugh, or think us crazy? This is why it is easier for children to make friends. They don’t really seem all that concerned about this happening. The truth is, neither should you. Yes, some people may hurt you and use things you tell them against you. That speaks more about them than about you at all. It is also a good way to weed out who is worth being a genuine friend and who is best left with a surface relation. A safe way is to share a little at a time. Slowly deepening the friendship.

Why do you think genuine friendship can lead to a fulfilling life? It certainly can. We have only touched on but a few of the benefits. What are the benefits of friendship that mean the most to you? How do you go about creating genuine friendships along with keeping the ones you have? Feel free to share all of your answers and ideas in the comments below. We would love to hear them!

PAY ATTENTION THIS WEEK! 😮

We have been advocating staying present on this site so much lately it runs the risk of becoming too familiar. Before you are tempted to dismiss this as just another post about living in the moment, I encourage you to read on. In sales, they tell you to speak about the benefits of a product before the features or the price. In other words, you paint a picture of how life will be better for your prospect before you tell them what they are getting. That is what we are doing with today’s post.

Have you ever had a day where despite challenges, you still seem to be feeling amazing and able to make it through the day with a smile? I am sure most of us have had a day like that. We have also had the opposite. Where even if things seem to be turning out well, we still don’t feel the amount of joy we should. How many of us stop and ask ourselves why this happens? Figuring out the question to this will help make our lives infinitely more full of joy, but how many of us actually do this? When we feel sick to our stomach we will spend the rest of the day analyzing what we ate to the smallest ingredient. Should we not to the same to what brings us joy?

It can be impossible to note every single detail that is occurring in our lives on the days we feel amazing. Not to mention, that would probably take a good deal of joy out of it. Instead, I will ask you to pay attention to just one detail – who you are around. They say you are the total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If your life is not filled with as much joy as it could be, this might be a good spot to investigate. That is not saying it excuses our own behavior, but surrounding yourself with good people who appreciate your worth will make all of the difference.

This week, take a moment to notice how the people around you have you feeling. Are there people who just put a smile on your face being around them? There are people in my life that can have me smiling just thinking about them. That is why my screensaver is my lovely lady. Just thinking about her can bring a smile on my face. How about you? Who are the people in your life who make your life amazing just by being in it?

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THESE PEOPLE. 🫂

I had the pleasure of taking my beautiful lady out to lunch the other day and she inspired an interesting thought I would like to share with you. Right now, she is on a health and fitness journey. She has really been working hard changing her diet and making physical fitness a regular part of her life. Recently, her gym had her fill out a goal sheet for her immediate future. We were discussing what she wrote down, when she paused, took a deep breath, sighed and confessed, “I just do not want to be the least fit person in a group of people anymore.”

I admired her bravery and really getting in touch with her ‘why’. This, I am sure, will allow her to reach the goals she has set for herself. It reminded me of a joke. “If you want to look thinner, hang around people who are less thin than you.” Although this joke is old, and quite dated as you can see, it made me think how many of us do this. We tend to surround ourselves with people who are in our comfort zone. This is good for keeping the stress level low, but does not really push us to grow to a better version of ourselves, and can even stunt the growth when we do attempt it.

When you start to work on improving yourself, I notice there are people who get intimidated. There are many reasons for why this might be. If you suddenly go back to school, or start studying a certain subject you may hear things such as “Oh, trying to show off now?” If your friends like to binge watch Netflicks and eat pizza everyday and you start getting in shape, they may either tell you that you are spending too much time and the gym, or even make you feel guilty for being so. I think they do this because your improvement makes them uncomfortable about their own lack of improvement. There are also those who worry that if you improve too much, you might end up leaving them behind. This leaves them two choices. They can either level up their life, or try to pull you back to level down yours. I don’t have to tell you which choice most people make, even if it is subconsciously.

It is like the boiling crabs in a bucket story. If one crab is about to escape, the others pull them back in. does it help them? No. It certainly does not help our friendly crustation who almost had their freedom. Instead, you want to be part of a group that is constantly lifting each other up and helping each other reach new levels. Sometimes you might be the one doing the lifting, sometimes you might be the one being lifted. This includes both the emotional aspect, like in the first picture. As well as physically. Remember our example of getting in shape? As ironic as it sounds, our haters can often be of more help than our friends. If one of them see you slipping on your diet or workout routine, they will not only make sure to let you know about it, but everyone else as well. That is a good motivation to stay on track. It is also a good way to put your haters to work for you. Our well-meaning friends, on the other hand, might be more reassuring. Telling us things like, “It is ok if you just missed one workout.” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself for eating badly today.”

Take some time and think about the people you surround yourself with. Are they helping you become the best version of yourself? This can be supportive or motivating. We need both. Just make sure they are not holding you back from growing into the amazing person you know you can be. Look, self-improvement can occasionally be tough journey. We need all the help we can get. We certainly cannot have anyone making our journey more difficult.

HANG WITH THESE PEOPLE 😊

As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.

A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.

WE CAN DO THIS! 💪

Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?

This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.

This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.

Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?

HOW TO AVOID THE DANGER FACING EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND FALL MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER BEFORE! ❤️

Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.

The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.

Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.

The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?

LESSON FROM A NEW TEACHER 👩‍🏫👨‍🏫

Recently, Margie set up a coffee date with another couple. She has a knack for picking some good people. In the course of a very inspiring conversation, my new friend and teacher, CJ, said something I think will impact us all. What he said was not only profound, but will add to our lives. It is something we should all wake up to that will positively impact our lives.

We were discussing perspective and how it drives performance. He relayed something he had heard that he uses to help keep his life in proper perspective. Enough with the build up. What was it that CJ said that I think will be so impactful for us all? It was this simple question. “If you would only wake up with only what you were grateful for the night before, how much would you wake up with?” When I heard this, it struck me. How about you? When you think about all of the blessings we have that we do not take the time to stop and be grateful for, how many do they number? I don’t know about you, but they are near countless for me.

Let us look at a few quick examples to help drive the point home. There is, of course, the love of my life, Margie. There are times when we are not seeing eye to eye. We do our best to never go to bed that way, but sometimes it happens. When you and your special someone go to sleep, whether you are getting along or not, do you pause and take a moment to be grateful for them? We are talking about focused gratitude. What if you were to wake up and they were gone forever? How about throughout the course of a day? Margie gives me plenty of reasons to be grateful. Whether that is sending me silly messages about rockets while I am busy at work, or having a delicious home-cooked meal to come home to, there are always reasons to be grateful for. Because they happen so often, I have to be careful not to take them for granted.

The person you love is an easy example. There are others. What about where you live? It could not be in the neighborhood you desire. Your house could need lots of work, or maybe your rent or mortgage eats up most of your paycheck. It is easy to complain about those things, but what if you woke up homeless tomorrow? How about work? That’s a good one. Work is easy to complain about it. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to that. Waking up early, time away from family, crazy bosses and coworkers. There are a million things to complain about. What if they told you tomorrow you were out of a job? Suddenly, all of those things you were complaining about you would be grateful to have in your life.

Ask yourself this question, “If you were to wake up with only the things you were grateful for the night before, what would you wake up with?” I think that is a powerful question that can not only change our perspective, but help us live a life filled with more gratitude and a lot less lack. I know that I am going to put this question to use in my life. How about you? Once again, shout out to CJ and Faith for a great time over coffee.

MAKE SURE TO ADD THESE TO YOUR WEEKEND PLANS💯

Taking time to just enjoy the company of good friends is something that friends our soul. After work, stress and negativity fill our week and days, we need time with someone who lifts our spirits.

It is essential to not only have these people in our lives, but to spend time with them and appreciate them. Another great thing we can do is to be this kind of friend for others. Be someone who is a breath of fresh air to everyone they encounter. It is a gift that is priceless. Make time with people like that this weekend.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THIS. 👫

There are many self-improvement aspects that seem like an obvious conclusion to me. One of those is that you tend to be like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Stop and take a mental inventory of the 5 people you spend the most time around. Can you see things you all have in common? The ironic thing is that this is one of the things people really seem to push back on. I am not sure why. If you surround yourself with people who are poor and struggling to manage their money, it is highly unlikely you will learn any financial skills from them. “I am going to be the difference!” I hear people say all of the time. It is true, that you could be the one who changes the group you hang out in. It is rather like swimming up stream, however.

Let us say you are trying to live a life that is more positive and inspired. Your friends, on the other hand, are a rather negative bunch. While you may be reading inspirational books, listening to some inspiring podcasts and whatever else you can think of to change your state, you are going to be surrounded by people who are pointing out what is wrong in the world, telling you about their medical problems, and generally being in a depressed state. That will make it a little more difficult for you to look on the sunny side of the street. Going back to our earlier financial example, if you are looking to get yourself on a good financial footing, but your friends constantly find themselves brook, it could be a long road. Maybe you could read books on investing, talk to a financial advisor and set up an automatic savings deposit. However, your friends will be showing your their purchases from Amazon, ordering out dinner every night, wearing the most expensive brand shoes and clothes and wondering how to pay the electric bill. Which one of them will help assure you of a happy retirement?

I am not telling you that you have to get rid of all of your friends, or even some of your friends. Merely suggesting that if you would like to improve your life and do so in an easier way, you might want to consider who you spend a good deal of time around. Think of people who embody traits you would like to have. Consider those people who you feel could teach, inspire and encourage you on your journey. Then, make a point of taking them out to dinner or for a coffee. Just soak up their energy. While doing so make sure to share yours as well. Be authentically yourself. You will shine your light and attract those who you can serve by just being you. The greatest part about this life-improving lesson is that you have total control over it. Who you choose to spend your time around, for the most part, is up to you. Make sure you make this decision wisely as it has a great impact.

A FUN ACTIVITY THAT WILL ADD JOY TO YOUR LIFE 🌞

Here is a fun activity that will add some joy to your life! (Just in case you didn’t get that from the title) it will take anywhere from 5 minutes to as long as you care to take. When you are done, you will not only have a bigger smile on your face, you will have a heart filled with gratitude! Did I mention it is fun to do as well?😀

Grab a pen and a piece of paper 📃. Then, take a look at the list above. Write the word listed, one at a time. ‘The inspired’ being the first one. Then sit back, smile, and think of everyone in your life that fits that description. For example, in my life, Margie is very inspired. Always thinking of new ideas. When I need help with a flyer for a book signing, I go to her.

Continue to go through the list. One word at a time. List everyone in your life that fits that description. Take your time. Picture them in your mind’s eye and write their name down. Another example in my own life, under ‘open-minded’ I would put my friend Nick. He is always open to consider new people and their points of view.

Go through each word and come up with as many names as you can. When you are done, you will have a list of people who bring out some great qualities you may need a boost in. You will also have a new-found appreciation for the amazing people in your life!😀

BONUS!!! If you want to take this to the next level, and because you read a blog like this I assume you would, here is a little something you can add. Think of qualities you either would like to grow, or maybe ones you lack. Then, write those words down. It could be patience, inner peace, kindness or any other quality. Then, do what we did here. Write all the names of people in your life that have that quality. You will end up with a list of people you should spend more time with!

DOUBLE BONUS!!! As another way to help develop and surround yourself with the right people and attitudes, apply these same techniques to celebrities. When you discover what celebrities define ‘motivated’ to use an example from the picture above, (that would be Inky Johnson and Dwayne Johnson for me) write their names down. Then you can watch their videos on YouTube, listen to their podcasts or read their books.

I would love to hear some examples from your life of people who fit the descriptions above. Please let me know how this fun activity will help your life. 😀